WHATEVER HELPS YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT
by falmur
Summary: Interaction between Meredith, Derek and Dunn seen differently. It's going to be tough.
1. EBONY AND IVORY

Ok, before you start reading this fic, I want to give you some explanation.

My other fic "The finale that will change everything" is not over, I've just had a really rough time and had a few time to write.

This fic, I had written it a long time ago.

And now the second remark: if you have written TFTWCE you'll be familiar with some scene. That's because when Dunn entered the picture, my mind went here. And it's not because I'm a sadist or a sick mind, it's just part of my real job. I work in crime and I see crimes everywhere.

This story will be rated M at some point.

Wait for your reviews.

* * *

Meredith could just make the rest of the world slip away.

Derek hid his face in her neck breathing her in, his body relaxing immediately.

They had a tough day, yesterday.

He was nervous and touchy around William Dunn.

All these years, all these patients, all the cases he had to deal with… for the first time he had to face the ghost of his father's murder. And he wasn't ready. Despite the time passed and the fact that he had left home and his family, the pain was still too strong to bear.

And Derek had never really tried to heal from this wound, to let it close.

It kept to be unimaginable: a man killing another for no reason, like it was a sport, like it was a leisure.

The realization that his dad was dead was like a piece of ice stuck in his throat, a brick falling on his head every evening before falling asleep, every morning waking up.

The tragedy of a person going out for work and never coming back.

Derek had tried to make this his mission: avoid people going out and never coming back to their families.

Men like William Dunn were the errant mines, the unexpected.

They found pleasure in hurting , in killing, they destroyed innocent lives and never repent about that.

And this was the point where Derek's and Meredith's world clashed.

She was the optimistic one, she was the trustful, she was the "see things in grey". Meredith Grey saw things in grey. Derek Sheperd saw things in black. He needed a spoonful of her, he needed to get over his hate and contempt and provide that man the care he deserved. He was a human being after all, it was not his duty to judge him. He was paying for his mistakes, he was soon going to pay for his wrongs in the greatest way: his life for the lives he had taken away.

Unconsciously Derek hugged Meredith even tighter. The simple thought of losing her was unbearable, something he had tasted once and never wanted to get near again. She was his world, he wanted to make things good for her, he wanted to make her pain go away. And she was in pain lately.

The fight with Cristina had slid out of control, they were both strong women but sentimentally immature, they couldn't control words and keep the problems in proportion. And Derek wasn't so sure he could convince her girlfriend's person to make a step back. Cristina didn't like him, he could well say so, he felt it, he noticed it in her eyes. Maybe she accepted him now, but she didn't like him. And he was even sure his relationship with Meredith got in the field of their fight somewhere.

A sudden beeping snapped him out of his slumber thoughts. He turned around patting the nightstand, his fingers closed around his shaking drilling pager, he took it close to his eyes but the words were just a blur and he messaged his eyes pushing the sleep away, next try he could read a request for an urgent consult, the name of William Dunn entering his thoughts once again. He stood up, the conditioner sliding down his chest letting him naked but for his boxer in the dim moonlight, he approached the chair near the bathroom and picked up his clothes, he managed to wear his jeans quickly and put his shirt on, letting it open. He picked up his sweater and jacket willing to get dressed downstairs not to wake Meredith up. Apparently his delicacy was useless as he heard her turning around in the bed, he took a quick look to the bed and a small smile formed on his lips. Meredith was looking for him, her hand patting the mattress in surprise when she didn't find the warmness she was looking for.

"Derek…" she mumbled, her voice asleep and groggy. He walked quickly to her side of the bed and bent down to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I was paged… Go back to sleep"

"Ok". She rolled to her side and she was out cold again. Derek smiled, he had always envied Meredith's ability to fall asleep and wake up and immediately fall asleep again. Unfortunately for him, his biorhythms were lazier and all the time she woke him up for a quickie in the middle of the night, he ended up having a sleepless night while, five minutes after their passion, she was sleeping like a baby. He tucked the covers on her and gave her a last, little caress before going out.

The trip to the hospital was fast, after all it was 3 am and Seattle was still asleep.

He easily found a spot in the parking lot and made his way to the surgical floor holding his briefcase.

He reached for the restricted area where William Dunn was confined not to make his presence a greater problem than it already was. Two guards watched his door no stop, no one was allowed to go in unless it was a doctor on the case. That meant that only Derek, Hunt, Meredith and Cristina could go in. And the chief of course. Derek made mental note to talk to Richard later, he didn't want the two residents anymore near that man. He was a manipulator and a calculator and despite the trust Derek had in Meredith as a doctor, he felt that William Dunn was getting to her, gaining her compassion. And he was afraid he could try to use her in the long run.

Derek's eyes met one of the guards, a tall man in his 40s. The officer smiled to him and stretched an arm, Derek knew he wanted his briefcase and handled it to him. The guard gave him William's chart and opened the door for him.

It was like Derek entered another world, it was a stupid feeling. This was still the hospital after all, his hospital. But for the first time he didn't feel compassion for his patient, he didn't feel to give the patient anything more than he had to. He swallowed seeing the prisoner's eyes scanning his approaching form, a throaty grin welcoming him in the room.

"Oh, I asked them not to wake you. I said, "whatever it is, it can wait till morning. Dr. Shepherd needs his beauty sleep" his voice was cold and detached, miles away from the sympathy he was verbally pretending to express.

Derek's guards immediately went on, aware of the icy look the man was giving him. He went in doctor mode, his voice professional and clear. He was not going to let this man impress him.

" Your latest head C.T. shows that the brain contusions are expanding. I'm gonna get you into the O.R. right away" Derek signed the chart quickly, when he looked up he met William's eyes again. And what he saw surprised him once more. Usually people weren't adamant to go into an OR to have their heads cracked open. They were scared, they flooded him with questions. Dunn's eyes were everything but worried, he was giving him a piercing searching look, curious and almost… how to say it… amused.

" This-this brain thing, it-it could kill me?"

Was he scared after all?

"If we don't treat it, yes" Derek held the chart tighter, his patience going away seeing a grin forming on William's lips. "You find that funny?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that they're gonna execute me in five days" He breathed out finding the wall in front of him interesting "Five days… Might as well take my chances with this brain thing, right?"

Their eyes met again and Derek saw just emptiness behind them, a thick nothing. Nothing that brought death with it, that was going to lead to death soon. How soon… it depended on him too. He blocked out his feelings and the surgeon spoke again, at least tried to.

"Mr. Dunn…"

"You gotta admit, it's a nice way to go. Plenty of attractive females..." He lingered on those words letting Derek feel his allusion to Meredith and the doctor flinched, a cold chill running down his spine at the mere thought of that man thinking of his Meredith, looking at her. He fought the lamp in his throat and was about to speak but the tension disappeared as Dunn looked away and went on "all the jell-o I could want. Have you tried the strawberry? It'll change your life".

Derek made a further effort, he was that man's doctor, he wanted it or not.

" You're refusing surgery?"

"Either way, I'm going to die, dr. Shepherd. Might as well do it on your watch" And that was it. Derek knew he had to convince him into surgery as it was his duty, but it felt this wasn't the moment. He breathed out and left the room, the previous routine displaying on the contrary: the guard taking the chart back and handling him his briefcase. Derek sent the man a smile and took the door. He had three hours left before the beginning of his shift and he wanted to go home, taking a shower, seeing if Meredith was really fine. He would think later how to convince that man to have surgery.

He got home half an hour later, despite the early time the house was swarming with noises and people. Alex was trying to make some breakfast in the kitchen, Derek lingered at the doorframe noticing he was setting two glasses on his plate.

"Perfect" he muttered quietly and Karev turned to look at him licking some jam on his pinkie.

"What?"

Derek breathed out. How could these residents be so immature in their sentimental lives? When he was in his late twenty, he was already married. For a long time. Well… it didn't end good but he at least knew what he wanted from his private life, he knew where his ambitions were; for these people sleeping around was the highest expectation. And looking to Alex's plate he knew there was some new girl waiting for him in bed, possibly naked.

"Nothing… I was just thinking if this place will ever stop to look like a frat house"

"Mer has never complained about it"

"I know. But that shouldn't imply you can take a new one every night" Alex's jaw tightened, he bit his tongue to prevent the sentence to go out from his lips. Meredith did this a lot before, nightstands… and she told him to act like this was his house so… so he did. But saying this out loud to no one else than Derek Sheperd… well… he was so many things but not a stupid. The doctor was nice and polite but totally unreasonable when it came to Meredith Grey. Reminding him of her stormy and active past was like giving fire to a living wire. And it was not his will. And then… deep down he knew Derek had every right to be pissed. Having half naked girls walking in his house was not on the top of his wishes. He wanted to build a family with Meredith, have an intimacy with her. Having his subordinates living around messed up with his idea of cohabitation. So he shut up and took the remark without saying anything, he just picked his plate up and left the room. Derek followed his movements till the resident disappeared around the corner upstairs, he entered the kitchen and approached the coffee boiler. It was empty. He snorted and started to make a new pot. Messy residents and roommates never gave a damn of the people living with them, they ate, they drank and never did anything to help Meredith. The pot hissed and Derek took it off the stove, he poured two mugs and made his way upstairs, he walked down the corridor singing a ditty in order to cover any possible noise coming from Alex's room, he finally got to his door and opened it up. A smile formed on his lips seeing that Meredith was leaning to the headboard reading a book, she smiled softly to him too.

"Hey" was the only word she uttered. But it melt Derek's heart as it was so familiar… It reminded him that this time was really going to be forever. He closed the door kicking and approached her nightstand, he put the mugs down and leant to place a kiss on her lips. "You're back early…"

"I wanted to spend some time with my beautiful girlfriend" He leant to kiss her neck and a shiver went down Meredith's spine.

"You spend your whole days with me…" Derek kept kissing her neck and Meredith closed her eyes.

"Yeah… with your supposed friend seeding sarcasm all around and a serial killer messing with your head". Meredith's eyes snapped open and she retrieved.

"He's not messing with my head" Their eyes met and Derek swallowed "And if he ever tried I wouldn't let him"

"Ok" The answer came out too quickly and Meredith's face dropped.

"I'd really prefer you to say it like you mean it, Derek". She pushed the conditioner away and stood up, brushing his shoulder in the process. Derek took her hand and Meredith turned on her heels, avoiding his gaze. He had hurt her, he felt it… he saw it. He tenderly stroke his thumb on her backhand.

"I'm sorry" The kind tone of his voice smoothened her a bit. She couldn't stay mad to him when he sounded so beaten up and sorry. Still she avoided his eyes "I just went to the hospital to hear that he refuses the surgery and… he really gets on my nerves" He let go of her hand and raked a hand in his hair, leaving it messy. Meredith sat by him, looking at him with concern. She took his hand, rested lazily on the bed.

"I know…" Derek's eyes met hers and she smiled "I know it's hard for you. I wasn't all that supportive yesterday evening but… I'm with you. And I'm here if you want to talk to me". Their fingers locked and she kissed his stubby cheek.

"Your coffee is getting cold" He took a mug and handled it to Meredith.

"And you might wish to shave if you want to get laid tonight" She took a sip of coffee looking at him suggestively.

"I was thinking of now to tell the truth" His face was serious but his eyes were sparkling.

"Just shave and we'll see" Derek kissed her and disappeared in the bathroom, Meredith picked her book up and went back leaning against the headboard, sipping her coffee absentmindedly. She heard the noise of the water from the bathroom and suddenly a moan. She stopped reading and stood up quickly closing the distance between the bed and the door separating her from Derek. She opened it to see him in front of the mirror, his face covered in the after shave, a curios look on his face, his hand holding the razor tightly. His puzzled expression turned into an amused one quickly.

"You just couldn't wait, could you?" Amusement spread in a grin quickly.

"I thought…" she stopped mid sentence, suddenly embarrassed to stand just in her panties in front of him. Derek was worshiping her with a cloudy, stormy look… "I thought I heard…" Derek set the razor down cleaning his face with a towel.

"You don't need to be ashamed if you wanted to jump me right away" Derek grinned wickedly seeing her blushing up.

"I did not want to jump you!"

"Oh yes"

"Oh no"

"Oh yessssssss!" a loud scream filled the air and Derek looked at Meredith stunned. It was her turn to grin now. She pointed to the door with her finger over the shoulder.

"I heard that and I thought you had cut yourself shaving. I didn't want to jump you" She turned on her heels and walked to the bed while the noises went on from the corridor. She laid back and picked up her book, Derek leant to the doorframe looking at her "It looks like Alex has a new friend…"

"Who knows if she's new or not? I mean… we see so many faces in here that I can't recognize all of them" he went back into the bathroom but Meredith clearly detected the blame in his voice.

"So you're back in wanting them out?" She looked up and he reappeared from the bathroom brushing his teeth.

"I didn't say that"

"You meant it" Derek breathed out sensing the defense in Meredith's voice.

"I didn't. We agreed to wait to go living by ourselves and I don't forget it. I'd just like them not to treat this house… your house like a cheap motel…"

"I'm fine with it" she lowered her eyes on the page again and Derek went back to the bathroom. A loud ring filled the room and he walked quickly outside picking his pager from the pocket of his sweater.

"Damn it"

"What?"

"It's Dunn again" he picked up his sweater and walked to the door but Meredith stood up and her words stopped him.

"Wait for me. I go too"

The ride to the hospital was filled by a pregnant silence. Derek sighed sometimes. In the last days everything he said to Meredith led to a fight. And despite how much he loved her and was sure he needed her, he wasn't that sure it was all his fault. She always contradicted him. Everything was good: her roommates, William Dunn, Cristina. They had shared a moment of closeness the previous evening but it was natural after the secret he had revealed her. After that, they had gone back to the touch and go strategy. He knew she didn't make it on purpose. Still he was frustrated. From her side Meredith felt ashamed of herself. Her boyfriend was clearly in a difficult position, he was having troubles in managing his case and his patient. And she couldn't find a word of support for him, not only one. What kind of woman was she? She felt compassion and wanted to express it to a serial killer, a man who had deliberately killed innocent and harmless women. But she couldn't do the same to her Derek. She bit her lip during the ride to the hospital, the words she wanted to tell him on her tongue all the time. But she didn't say anything. Derek drove his car to his lot and got off quickly, without even waiting for her. He walked to the main entrance and when he heard her door closing behind her back he activated the remote control and the car chirped closed. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Derek!" he stopped and looked back at her. She closed the distance between the two of them and hugged him tight "I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean to argue about Alex but…" she let go of him and met his eyes "you're right and I didn't want to admit it. I'll talk to him… tonight… I promise"

"I don't want you to do anything, Mer" he stroked her cheek "I just want your house not to be a whorehouse. I just want to walk down the corridor without hearing people moaning. That's all I want" he gave her a smile and she smiled back.

"I know. You can count on me… for everything"

"I know" he kissed her and they went through the main door together, holding hands.


	2. THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Here's the second episode.

I hope it will keep you company in the await!

R & R

* * *

Two hours later Derek's certainties and patience had disappeared again.

William Dun was driving him crazy. He didn't want to accept cares, he didn't' want treatments, he just wanted to die how he liked and when he liked. And Derek couldn't stand him anymore.

More than that, the chief had been crystal clear, the man had to leave the hospital alive and hale. Richard was afraid of the humanitarian movements and lobbies. A serial killer dead in a hospital was a bad advertising, it was a possible law suit coming. People could assess he was not treated properly as judged again by a medical jury. And it was the last thing Seattle Grace needed.

So Derek had to try to make him reason, to persuade him that he had to fight for living and face surgery.

The problem was that Derek himself wasn't so sure about that in the first place. And Meredith… Meredith was doing everything to destroy his trials and proposals, she was acting all skeptic and willing to follow Dunn's wishes.

Still, despite everything, Derek tried again to convince him, scare him, talk to him. He took a last look to the man's scan, Cristina guarding him like a hawk, the usual, unreadable expression on her face. Meredith stood behind his back, he could feel her soft breath on his neck.

"Mr. Dunn, the swelling in your brain is increasing rapidly. The longer we wait to operate, the worse it gets" Derek took a look to Dunn, trying to find any kind of reaction in his features. But he froze hearing all he got to say.

"Excellent". William's eyes were locked to Meredith and this rushed Derek's pulse even more. The patient, prisoner, soon going to be executed was clearly trying to lead the game. He wanted to keep control of the situation, determine the events. This was the last thing Derek could let happen.

"I strongly suggest you to reconsider surgery". Derek approached the bed a put a hand on the hedge. Maybe he had chosen the wrong way. He couldn't pretend to like this man, but he could at least try to sound professional and some kind of polite. Dunn sensed the change in Derek's voice and turned to look at him.

"Have you ever seen the inside of a maximum security prison?" . Of course he hadn't. He had ended up in jail once during med school, when he was 22. He had drunk too much, with Mark of course. The problem was that his best buddy wasn't able to control his tongue and had "offended" an officer, who had decided to cool their heads. These were the dark months after his father's death. They spent their nights drinking and hitting on random girls in the hot New York bars. Finishing in jail hadn't looked like the end of the world then. Of course his mom thought differently. Derek would never forget her look when she went to pick them up, she didn't say anything of course, but her silence was the worst thing he could expect. He left that horrible room, smelling of sweat and urine after an only night, a thick stub on his cheeks and the face of someone who hadn't slept. And he hadn't. The noises of the prison prevented him from. There were prisoners who had screamed all night long and the cell was so small that Derek had started to feel claustrophobic. A little box, four square meters, for three adult men who had to sleep with each other, eat with each other, use the bathroom without any privacy. Derek could understand what Dunn wanted to say and shook his head in answer.

"I was sure you hadn't. No, dr. Sheperd, this is the place to do it, in good company". He looked away once more and Derek knew it was it. William Dunn had chosen. He didn't want to be executed in front of his victim's relatives, he didn't want to have his last lunch, he didn't want to face the consequences of his actions. And Derek could get it. Humanly speaking, he could. But that was his good side. The bad side wanted that man to pay. He wasn't pro death penalty… he thought he wasn't. He was a doctor after all and doctors wanted to save lives. But in front of some people, in front of some crime, his blood boiled and his consciousness screamed for a exemplary punition. And this was one of these cases. The previous day, he had spent twenty minutes of his time in Google looking for William Dunn's story. What he read, made his skin erupt in gooseflesh. In three days, William Dunn had killed five women, women he had never met before. He had approached them during the day, in crowded places, and slaughtered them without a notice and an apparent reason. He was arrested before he got the chance to kill again. The trial had been celebrated in Seattle and the jury had condemned him to death penalty. He was in jail from 6 years. Derek breathed out. He couldn't let his moral principles cloud his judgment. He was here to cure that man and he would do it, the both of them liked it or not. He turned slightly around and addressed to the two residents who were trying everything to avoid each other.

"You two will vigilantly monitor mr. Dunn's elevating I.C.P.S. You will do hourly neuro exams. When he goes unconscious, which he will, we'll rush him to surgery". He finished looking at the patient, uncaring of the deathly glare Dunn was giving him.

"You can't do that" Derek didn't give any sign he couldn't and Dunn's certainties crushed "Can-can-can

he do that?" He tried to get comfort from Meredith but she looked away, clearly unhappy of the development of the situation. Cristina's voice snapped him back and he focused on her.

"When you're unconscious and can no longer make sound medical decisions, a 2-doctor consent is all

that's needed to treat you"

"For God sake, I'm gonna be dead as a doornail in five days" Derek kept his composure and the man tried to speak to Meredith again.

"Dr. Grey" Meredith looked at him and Derek could read her weakness coming in full force " you're a reasonable…"

"We're done here" Derek's voice echoed in the room and Dunn stopped talking. Cristina put her hands in her labcoat pockets and left, Derek stretched his arm to give Meredith room. She sent a last, almost apologizing look to the patient and walked past Derek to the door.

"Would you fix a broken television before you throw it out?" Derek didn't stop to give him an answer, he closed the door behind their backs leaving the prisoner by himself. He put the chart on the desk and started writing. He could sense Meredith near him.

"He's got a point"

"He's trying to cheat the system and we're not gonna let him do it" He closed his pen and gave Meredith a small smile. He handled her the chart where he had made note of all the exams Dunn had to endure and left.

"Derek…" Meredith tried to create a contact with her boyfriend but Sheperd's pager came to his rescue picking that moment to start buzzing. Derek looked at it.

"I'm paged to the ER, dr. Grey" he raised his eyes and Meredith knew the conversation was over "Page me where the first results are ready" He gave her a last look and walked away.

Meredith stayed there standing, patting her fingers on the desk nervously. Ok, now she knew why Derek was so hard to William Dunn, he got a point in that. Or not? William Dunn hadn't killed Derek's father. As much as Derek thought all murderers were the same, they couldn't be sure about that. They had taken an oath and she had to make sure his permanency in the hospital was comfortable and useful. At the same time, the American Law clearly stated that nobody could be treated against his own will. William Dun was just using a right the law recognized him. That wasn't the place to argue whether he still deserved to have rights or not, whether he should live or survive. They were doctors, and doctors had to accept the patient's wishes till they were able to make them. After… Derek Sheperd could drag him unconscious to an OR and open him up whenever he wanted. And there was one thing Meredith Grey knew about Derek Sheperd: he would do it, he would wheel William Dunn into an OR and practice a miracle on him just to make sure the executioner could have his fun five days later.

For the first time since she met Derek, she felt awkward to work with him.

An hour later Meredith was pushing Dunn's wheelchair down the corridors to the MRI. She had entered his room half an hour later, she had assisted while one of the guards helped him out of the bed and adjusted him on the chair. He was now handcuffed to the armrest and she was driving him through the hospital. Cristina hadn't been there. Technically they were on the case together. But Cristina didn't like William Dunn and, more than that, apparently she couldn't stand Meredith anymore.

Meredith breathed out thinking how her person and her had got to this point, a point where they hurt each other, ignored each other and had become two strangers to each others. The fight they had because of the residents affaire had developed in a very painful and unexpected way: not only Cristina had blamed her for not picking her side with Webber, but she had accused her to be screwed by an attending to get authority and a position. _"You may be screwing an attending but you're not one". _Screwing? Was that what Cristina thought of her relationship with Derek? After all the times she had picked up Meredith's pieces, helped her, supported her, was that what she really thought? Screwing? Meredith sighed and Dunn turned around to take a look at her over his shoulder, immediately taking note of her sadness.

"You're upset"

"I don't get upset with patients"

"You're mad at me for killing those women. I get that" Meredith rolled her eyes and turned left leading the wheelchair towards the elevator. " Would you feel differently if you knew that I was beaten as a child?" Dunn stretched the last word and Meredith focused on him. "Every day. It's how I learned to read" Meredith stared at the man's skull, like she wanted to see through it.

"I-I used to hide under the sink and sound out the letters on the detergent box"

"Is that true?"

"Did it make you feel better?" He turned to look at her and Meredith tried to read his eyes. But she couldn't. Before she could think if she could trust him or not, a small laugher escaped his lips and Meredith bent forwards to push the elevator button.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dr. Grey" The elevator opened and Meredith saw dr. Bailey with a boy. The child was sitting on a wheelchair, deathly pale, his awfully white skin fighting against his black hair. The boy shifted in the chair acknowledging the weird man in front of him, whose hands and legs were secured to the chair with irons. Meredith saw Bailey's eyes narrow in surprise, apparently the hospital gossip had reached every level of the surgical food chain. If Miranda was thunderstruck, she hid it well. But children are children for a reason: they are innocent and do questions. And the little boy spoke with a tiny, trembling voice before Bailey could shut him up.

"Did you do something bad?" Meredith crossed her fingers involuntarily, she hoped Dunn wasn't stupid, and bad enough, to tell the young boy why he was secured to the chair in that way.

"Traffic violation" The boy's face lit up in a smile and Meredith relaxed. "What's wrong with you, kid?"

"I need a new liver and a new intestine". Dunn wasn't a doctor, but the chances of the child looked really small.

"You want mine?" Bailey's face fell and Meredith looked to her patient stunned, she pushed him into the elevator before he got the chance to say something else. She didn't know the conditions of Bailey's patient, better… she knew them unofficially. The kid was very sick and her colleges were trying the impossible to find him organs before it was too late. Dunn's proposal… it was out of every medical protocol. Even if he was a match, which was to check, after the execution his organs would be useless. There was no way this man could give the boy his organs. Unless he wanted to suicide… and Meredith started to really think this was what he wanted.

They got to the floor and the exams ran smoothly, everyone made a step back seeing the man approaching. Apparently William Dunn's name was famous in Seattle, Meredith didn't remember his case but she wasn't surprised about that. Some years ago she lived out of the world, she didn't bother to read newspapers or to watch the news. The man could live next door and she wouldn't have noticed.

They went back to his room and Meredith patiently waited while the guards settled him back to bed, she scribbled some note in his chart and took a glance to Derek's prescriptions. She had to push him the daily dose of anti epileptic. Which was quite ridiculous. The treatments were supposed to work in the long run, preventing the patient to get seizures and grand male episodes. William Dunn was about to die in five days. And despite everyone's assessments, it was a real waste.

She started to prepare everything, put her gloves on. William's voice snapped her back to reality.

"I've got a body full of… high quality parts here" Meredith looked up to see him smiling, patting his hand on his left side "3-day liquidation sale… Everything must go". She wasn't the person to explain him this was completely and utterly out of discussion.

"Even if we could do it, you have to be a match for him" Dunn's brows arched in question. Definitely he didn't know what the hell she was talking about " which means we'd have to crossmatch your blood with his"

"Good thing we're both in a hospital then". His smile was full of expectations and Meredith started to wonder if he was serious or not. Was he trying to gain something in exchange? She looked away sighing.

"Let… " he tried to sit up but the handcuffs held him down and he could just shift uncomfortably "Let me save a life before I go. It's the least I can do". Meredith fished something out of her basin and looked up, a puzzled expression painting her face.

"So you really expect me to believe that you want to do this for a kid?

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dr. Grey". Their intimate conversation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Meredith turned around and saw Cristina entering the room, a scold on her face. She didn't say anything to any of them, not a sign of greeting or kindness. She came close and took the chart to read the news about the patient. Dunn smiled noticing the tension and awkwardness between the two female doctors. Apparently that was their lucky day: before the situation could become really unbearable, both their pagers went on. Cristina left the room top speed, leaving Meredith mouth agape, Meredith turned at least to look to the patient and nodded before going out.

It was after several hours, three exhausting hours, that Meredith came back to Dunn's room. She entered quietly realizing that the man looked asleep. She approached the bed and opened the chart, nothing meaningful had happened during her… their absence.

"Am I hallucinating or is that a really high ponytail?" William's voice sounded far and asleep. Meredith looked down to him, his eyes were half closed and he really looked like he had just woken up. He had noticed that particular though. After Derek's mum visit, Meredith had grown the habit to tie her hair differently. She didn't know why. She didn't like it, not that much at least. Derek either. But it felt good, it felt like a change. And after Cristina had decided to avoid her like the plague, she was in need of new. She felt lonely later. In the last few days, after Dunn's admission to be true, Derek and her had lived on upside downs. Usually their profession didn't interfere in their private life, but Derek's issue with the prisoner had nothing to do with medicine, it was personal. And this being personal involved her too. Every spat they had at work, every fight, every misunderstanding stood between them like a stone, Derek blamed her, she felt it. And despite she was aware that this situation was really hard for him, that this case was pushing buttons and feelings buried deeply in his soul, she couldn't help but standing up for what she felt right.

Treating William Dunn was right. And sometimes… sometimes she started to wonder if he really was a monster or not. He looked repented, he really looked…

"You're not hallucinating. But once your brain starts to herniate, I can't promise anything".

"So I'm really circling the drain here?" Meredith's answer was a grave nod "You should just take my organs

right now, help that poor kid"

"Oh, they found him organs. They're flying them over right now" She looked at Dunn and saw a flash in his eyes. She could not define it: was it happiness or disapproval? Deception not to be able to help? "He's gonna be fine" She adjusted her labcoat and put gloves on, filling a syringe with an anti biotic. When she turned around, the needle in her hand, Dunn was staring at her in a haze.

"Did you know that they let you choose? Hanging or lethal- you get to pick your poison, literally" Meredith flinched, she couldn't really imagine someone making a big cross on the way he wanted to die "Which one would you choose?" His eyes bored in hers and she looked away, clearly out of speech "Medically speaking, which one's... better?"

She put the needle down and looked at him. This was medicine, this was easy. She had to block away her thoughts and talk, like a student answering a teacher's question. This was not her suggesting a man how to die less painfully and quickly, this was her making conversation with a very curious man. She could do it.

"Well, with hanging… your neck breaks, which severs your spinal cord, which causes your blood pressure to drop to nothing, and you lose consciousness. You don't actually die for several minutes…" Not so good by the way Dunn's eyes narrow "And with lethal injection, they inject an anesthetic first, which puts you to

sleep, and then a paralytic, which stops your diaphragm and your lungs, and then potassium, which stops your heart" Dunn looked away and Meredith knew he had picked his choice. His eyes looked lucid… or maybe it was the light…

"was, um... was I a match?" He was actually asking her if she had broken rules running unauthorized tests on two patients, if she had stuck her nose in a case which was not hers, if she had felt compassion for him and his wishes, if she had believed he truly wanted to save a child. And she felt ashamed of herself… but she had.

"yes, you were" William looked at her and was about to say something but the door opened and Cristina entered. It was like a flashback of the day before.

"_Mr. Dunn, are you feeling any better?" Meredith closed the space between the desk and the patient, her voice kind and concerned. _

"_Uh, everybody's been so attentive… I'm still in a lot of pain"_

"_Well, we're gonna get that thing out of your back as soon as we can" In the corner of her eyes, she saw Cristina rolling her eyes and leaving the room. She turned around when the door clicked closed. Dunn followed her gaze._

"_She's... She's kind of a bitch" Meredith's eyes locked with his "Not… not to use coarse language, but she is" he shrugged and Meredith went back to his chart._

"_Well, she's my friend"_

"_Really?"_

"_We had a fight" She turned around and the man smiled at her, like he could understand the meaning of two friends fighting, like he could know what friendship was. And how it hurt when you lost it._

"_Uhm, Mr. Dunn, it will really help us when we take it out if, uh, we know what that thing in your back is"_

"_I'm pretty sure it was a toothbrush… and somebody snapped the head off and melted it down till it was less toothbrush... and more knife"_

"_How did it end up in your spine?"_

"_Got in a fight with a friend" Both the tone of his voice and the little smile he cracked brought a hint of hilarity on Meredith's face. The man had sense of humor, despite everything. Despite the fact his so called friend nearly killed him. _

Not she would do any less to Cristina right now. Friends could be a pain in the ass sometimes. But a knife was not really the solution to her problems.

Meredith could take Cristina. In the first months of their friendship, she depended on her, she took every advice like it was holy word, she got down in their fights. Now she could claim her own point out loud, at home and on work. And this case couldn't come in the worst moment… It was fuel on fire. Cristina saw things like Derek, she didn't give a crap of Dunn's health, for her it was a clear and defined case: death raw, death penalty, someone not worth of any effort and sympathy. Every time they were in the room, they looked like they're playing an ancient script: the good and the bad girl. Meredith was trying to do her job, Cristina was trying to let this man feel like a worthless piece of trash.

"_I'm feeling much better" William smiled to Meredith and she smiled back "Thanks. Thank you for whatever it was you gave me". Meredith opened the chart and marked some note about effectual pain treatment. Not something Derek will be happy to read about. She searched in the personal information to check if everything was correctly filled. There was no contact person for him._

"_Is there a family or someone who should know you're having surgery?" His eyes searched hers but Cristina broke the moment._

"_Well, we can't call your family" Meredith sent her a deathly glare Cristina was well aware of. But she went on. "I think what she's trying to ask you is, what did you do to get on death row?" A thick silence fell on the room. Meredith was stunned and Dunn was pondering his options. He cleared his throat but Meredith cut him off._

"_You don't have to answer that. That was not what I was asking" Her eyes met Cristina's and Yang shrugged._

"_Well, I don't mind. It's an obvious question" He looked up and, with his great pleasure, both women were staring at him, waiting for him to talk; he felt like an actor on the stage. "One Monday, I slit this woman's throat" The two women's expression was blank and he went on, his voice flat and cold like he was talking of someone else "I had been thinking about it for a while, dreaming about it… and one Monday, I just... I had to do it. I just... really wanted to draw a knife across her neck. And I-I thought it would be terrifying or... or sad or something, but it wasn't. It was just... kind of fun" Meredith's stomach churned and Cristina's jaw tightened "So I did two more on Tuesday, another two on Wednesday. I was gonna go for three on Thursday 'cause I liked the alliteration, but I got caught so I didn't" He smiled like he had told them he stole some jam from the closet or whatever, Meredith's skin erupted in goose flesh and, for the first time, she hated this man. "Could I get some jell-o? Or is that bad before surgery?"_

That was the only moment she had really hated this man. Then… things had changed. From murderer he had become a man, harmless, tied up like an animal waiting to be suppressed. Everyone kept asking her why her feelings had softened so much to him.

And she didn't know. She had thought her feelings had changed in response to Derek's behavior. Her boyfriend… dr. Sheperd on work… had snapped to the man, made nothing to make him feel better. It was a call for him, and what worried her more was that he had said it loud and clear.

Between Derek and William Dunn there was some kind of rivalry.

Not that she could blame Derek on this.

William Dunn had called him a white murderer the second he got into the ER, Derek wasn't happy before meeting him but after that… he had dropped every mask of fakeness. He was still professional of course, but he didn't give anything more he had to. And that was not the man she fell in love with. That was not the doctor she had grown to know and respect, a fine, sensitive, caring surgeon who tried everything in his power to ease his patients, who cracked jokes and seeded smiles and fun all around.

McDreamy…

Meredith felt there was something more than the awful secret Derek had kept from her.

A man like William Dunn had ripped Derek's family apart some time ago, but it was not everything. And she couldn't understand what the deal was.

She was snapped back to reality when the door opened again and Derek made his way in the room.

"You paged?"

"I did" Cristina spoke and Meredith looked at her. Her supposed friend was reading the results of the previous tests. They weren't good and Meredith had made mental note to inform Derek. Apparently Cristina had been quicker. Derek approached the resident and took the chart, flipping pages quickly, a frown forming clearly on his forehead.

"How are you feeling, mr. Dunn?" He didn't look up to look at the patient and this upset Meredith a bit more.

"Not too good".

"I.C.P. is critical. You're critical" Derek's eyes locked to William's and Meredith couldn't help but notice their dark, stormy shade. Even the patient looked away, suddenly crushed by his worsening status. The monitor started to beep.

"We have to get him down to the O.R" Cristina approached the bed and started to disconnect the wires keeping the bed in place.

"No. No" The man's voice sounded far and distant.

"We have to get you to surgery"

"I'm not scared of dying" He opened his eyes and Derek noticed they were a bit glassy "I just don't want to do it strapped down to a table like some a-animal. Please" A thick silence fell in the room and Meredith thought that maybe hearing him pleading had moved something in Derek. Dunn felt this could be his last chance and insisted "Please... please, Dr. Grey... let me go" The silence stretched and then… it was it. Derek's eyes filled of a new found determination, of the awareness of the oaths he had taken years ago and Meredith knew he had made his decision.

"Push the paralytics" Meredith stayed still, her knees trembling. Cristina started to move and practice medicine, giving orders to the nurses who were getting in the room.

"Okay, start bagging him. Intubate and get him into the O.R" Everything was going top speed in the room, but Meredith. Derek sent her a quick look updating the chart.

"I need another doctor's signature... consent to operate... " He stopped scribbling notes and held the chart to Meredith "all right, sign" the pen and the folder stayed mid air, Meredith looked at Derek with a blank stare and Derek started to feel disappointed.

"Sign the form"

No response

" Meredith, sign the form" His voice was commending this time and Meredith snapped back to reality, her eyes focusing on her very pissed boyfriend.

"Meredith!" She knew she had to do something or say something but she felt drained. Her limbs were too heavy to move and her lips were sealed. The last thing she got was someone shoving her away. From the doorframe she saw Cristina signing the form and she walked away.


	3. THIS IS FOR THE BEST

_I hope you'll warm up a little, I have my faithful fans (wich I thanks a lot) but hope to get more._

_R & R (suggestions are always welcome)_

* * *

The patient really needed this surgery.

From the gallery, doctor Grey, fifth year resident, probably willing to specialize in neuro, knew that this patient was borderline. She had waited too much.

The swelling in the brain had worsened increasingly in the last 24 hours, ICP had raised to a level of maximum warning. And dr. Sheperd had no choice left than operating.

Why did this feel so wrong then?

Because the patient didn't want any of this, he just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again.

* * *

Surgery was Derek's sanctuary. It was the place where every worry, every problem, every doubt faded away and left room to certainty, determination, mastery.

In moments like this, in situations like this, Derek felt he was really doing what he was born for.

He took a last look to the operating field, everything had gone smoothly, they were out of the woods. It was time to teach now.

"We're gonna put this piece of skull in Mr. Dunn's abdomen. Why?"

"To allow the swelling in the brain to resolve. The circulation of the abdomen preserves the bone marrow of the skull piece"

"Very good" Derek kept working and Cristina looked up quickly to look him in the eye. "Thanks for letting me scrub in" Derek raised his eyes and nodded.

"I guess we finally see eye to eye on something"

Cristina didn't say anything, but she agreed. Her relationship to Derek had always been problematic, to say it simple. She hadn't approved that relationship at first, not from the moment she had realized it was not about sex, but about love. Derek Sheperd was a nice man, but he had hurt Meredith in so many ways and so many times that Cristina had learnt to hate him too. Even if she knew it wasn't right.

The man had made mistakes, a lot, but he loved Meredith Grey. Really much. And every wrong he made to her, she gave him twice as much in response.

Life was complicated. They were complicated.

But he had been patient and full of attentions to Meredith even when she tried to push him away.

And they were good now.

Concerning Cristina, she had even started to like him.

But she had never said a word.

In this situation, she felt close to him.

Derek Sheperd was a man of principles, that was clear. A murdered didn't enter his graces. Especially when the said murderer had a soft point for Meredith.

Cristina was worried. And felt a little bit guilty.

Apparently their fight had affected Meredith more than she thought. And this could have clouded her judgment.

Meredith Grey was a person capable of sympathy and compassion, she put all her soul into her work, into her patients. But someone could want to take advantage of this, and men like William Dunn were on the top list.

There was something in the way he looked at her, something morbid, ambiguous.

Something which made Cristina wanting Meredith far… far away from him.

And she felt guilty as they were fighting and Meredith wouldn't accept an advice, a warning.

Mad Meredith Grey was like a rubber wall, the more you pushed, the stronger she pushed you away.

They just had to survive the next two days, William Dunn would be gone and they would fix everything.

* * *

Meredith had left the gallery when they started closing Dunn up. She was sitting now in the cafeteria trying to make clearness in her head. She would have to face Derek, that was clear. She had refused to follow an order of her boss. She could have consequences if he reported her.

She breathed out. Why life had to go to hell every time they found a balance?

Before she could get an answer, her pager went on. She took it and sighed. It was Derek.

Apparently he didn't want to wait or avoid the subject, she stood up and headed to the conference room he was waiting for her. The walk was short and she saw him sitting in a chair through the windows, she took a deep breath and knocked to the open door, stopping on the doorframe. He turned around and smiled to her.

Why was he smiling? He had to be pissed…

"Come in. What are you doing there?" his tone was light and this took her out of guard. She frowned closing the door.

"Did you want to see me?" It was his turn to be surprised now.

"Yes… I had half an hour before the patient wakes up and I wanted to spend it with you. Were you busy on something?"

"No" she took a sit next to him, taking the distance between them. Derek sensed something was going on.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I thought you paged me to complain about my insubordination… earlier" He straightened up, backing away against the backrest of his chair. No, he hadn't paged her to man up. His expression was concerned and worried.

"Why would you think that?"

"You told me to sign and I didn't"

"It was your right not to" his face softened "On that occasion I wasn't your boss, I was a fellow doctor who asked you your medical opinion. You didn't agree with mine and you didn't sign. It's simple"

"It's not" Meredith's eyes got lucid and she looked away "I knew I had to sign, I knew he needed surgery"

"Why didn't you then?" She looked up to him but she didn't find any sign of reproach or angst, just worry.

"I don't know" She looked away and silence fell between them. A warm touch brought her back into the room.

"Mer… it's not Dr. Grey and dr. Sheperd in here. It's you and me, Meredith and Derek. What's wrong with you?"

"I'm disappointing you" Tears fell from her eyes and now she was crying.

"You're not" . Despite his voice was clear and free of unsaid doubt, she couldn't stop.

"I am"

"Meredith…"

"I am feeling compassionate to a man who killed five women just to busy his time in doing something, I feel bad as he's going to be treated like an animal in a few days. I had always felt so good about death penalty before… There were numbers and people who had done awful things. They were beasts and they deserved to die. Now I know they're human beings, they have feelings, they get wishes. And I can't help but feeling for them"

"I get that. I don't share the same feeling but I get that. I'm just worried"

"Why?"

"As I'm afraid you're giving him too much credit"

"What do you mean?"

"He's dangerous, Mer. And I think he's trying to manipulate you. And you're letting him. And every time you're alone with him, I feel scared he might do something to you"

"Derek… He won't do anything to me… and to anyone else"

"Something in the way he looks at you…" he shook his head and Meredith felt he was sincere "terrifies me"

"I'm gonna be fine"

"Step down the case" he whispered and Meredith shivered. This wasn't an order, it wasn't a commend. It was a request, almost a plead. But she couldn't believe her ears. Before she realized what she was doing, she pulled her hand out of his grasp.

"I can't and you know it"

"Why?" His question was simple, yet complicated.

"I don't let things unfinished… I don't leave things undone"

"You don't trust me on this, do you?" she looked deep in his eyes, there was hurt and hope at the same time.

"I do trust you. But you're in a difficult position. And he doesn't do anything to ease your work or anything you want to do"

"So you're staying to protect me?"

"I'm staying because you're my boss, you're an attending and I work with you. But that patient is pushing your buttons and it looks like I can communicate with him while the all of you can't"

"What's this supposed to mean?"

"Nothing" Silence stretched again and Derek felt it all on his shoulders. He looked down and Meredith knew he was trying to say something. He sighed and took something from his chair… papers… and he put them in front of her.

"The head of Caldwell came here this morning. We had a meeting… Hunt, Richard and me… with him. He told us something about William Dunn and recommended us not to leave him any space. He also gave us this… " he put a hand on the papers and pushed them towards her.

"What is it?"

"The psychological draw their shrink elaborated during the years of his custody"

"Why would I want to read it?"

"Because you'd know he can use people whenever and however he wants. Because mr. Falks thinks he asked his jail buddy to stab him on purpose…"

"What?"

"I want you to read this Meredith. Just to be prepared. If you'll still feel so bad for him… it's ok. We'll discuss his case like two professionals. It's not a problem. Just…" Meredith looked at him and saw something she had never seen on Derek's face: defeat. She felt guilty, she was disturbing him and this was her last wish "I love you"

"I love you too" Derek bent forward and hugged her tightly, rubbing her back. He let go of her when his pager went on. He smiled to her and took it. What remained of joy disappeared as he read the message. He stood up.

"We need to go, dr Grey. Mr. Dunn is waking up" She stood up and Derek let her walk out of the room first.

* * *

Cristina was already in the room and as they got there, she flooded them with post ops and tests and every kind of information she had collected in the last hour. Surgery went perfectly, the brain swelling decreased, blood tests were fine. And the patient was waking up. A moan caught their attention and Derek approached the bed, his penlight ready to perform a first check on the patient.

He flashed it in one pupil and then in the other, while a stoned and drugged William Dunn's eyelids opened and closed lazily.

"How does your head feel, Mr. Dunn?"

"Why didn't you just let me go?" his voice was hoarse and Meredith filled a paper cup of ice chips.

"You're not dying here" Derek walked to the bottom of the bed and wrote his notes on the chart.

"What are you so scared of, Dr. Shepherd, losing control?" Derek ignored the question and Meredith approached him with a little paper she had printed from the instruments Dunn's head was connected to.

"I.C.P.S are stable" Derek took a glance to the results and nodded.

"Continue neuro exams. And keep an eye on his blood pressure. I don't want it dropping overnight" Meredith took mental note, she was the doctor on call tonight.

"Sure"

"Or maybe you know that, deep down, you're no better than I am" In the silence of the room Dunn's words echoed clearly. Cristina busied herself reading the chart, Meredith looked between the two men. Derek wasn't going to let this fall too, it was clear by the way his eyes sparkled. He cocked his head to the side and the residents got it was his way to get them out. Cristina didn't wait for any further gesture, she opened the door but instead of disappearing outside, she held it open for Meredith. She lingered there a moment and then left. After the door closed, Derek approached the bed, hands in his pockets. William continued his speech.

"You decide who lives and dies all the time, but for you, they call it medicine, not a capital offense" Derek's eyes narrowed dangerously. How did that man dare to compare himself to doctors?

"Nobody gets to choose, not me, not a patient in this hospital, and certainly not the five women you slaughtered" He leant a hand to the rail of the bed and lowered his head so that their faces were inches close. William Dunn could clearly see the rage written in Derek's eyes. Maybe this time he had pushed his luck too far.

"So when I say you're not gonna die in this hospital, I mean there is no way in hell I will let you die in this hospital" There was something more in these words than the wish to fulfill medical duties. William Dunn wondered why the surgeon took his provocations so personally, but despite how much he pushed, dr. Sheperd never lost control and spit it all out. He got mad, but he didn't lose control. And this left space to his guess. Maybe he had to play smarter than this. He looked away but apparently this time dr. Sheperd wanted to have the last word.

"You don't get off that easy… I am nothing like you"

No he was not. If someone had said those things to him, he would be bleeding on the floor right now. Instead dr. Sheperd was making his best to have him survive and despite what he pushed him to say, he would do that forever, for everyone and everywhere. Trying to make compares was just adding salt to his stay here, it was occupying his mind. He was trying to forget the call he felt inside his heart. A call which would bring pain and death with it.

Derek left the room and hid in an OC room, slamming the door behind his back. He raked both hands in his hair, exhausted. William Dunn drained the life out of him. Since Richard announced they were going to treat a death row prisoner, Derek had been fighting an inner war. He knew it was wrong to have prejudices, to treat that man worse than he'd do with others, but the nausea that hit him every time he laid his eyes on William Dunn was too strong to handle. Since he got in the hospital, he complained about everything, he tried to know if he could get an advantage from his situation. Which was bad, Derek couldn't deny it. But he had ruled exams and defined treatments like he'd usually do, still the man complained and wanted more morphine and he didn't want to play this game. Along with the suicidal vein. He sighed sinking on the bed, stroking his eyes tiredly.

"I'm sorry I put you into this mess" Derek's eyes jumped up, he hadn't noticed there was someone in the room. It was dark… but when his pupils adjusted he detected Richard's form splayed on the top bed. Not that he needed to see him, his deep and rich voice was a trade mark "I feel guilty… It was kind of insensitive of me"

"It's not your fault" he laid down too "You didn't think this could hit me so hard"

"No, I didn't. And it was stupid. I know how much… I was there when… ok, you got it" Derek chuckled but kept silent "Derek…?"

"Uhm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You never ask if you can…"

"I have never asked you this" Derek sighed, he knew where Richard was going

"Just do it"

"Have you told Meredith?" The answer was a deep sigh, and Richard knew Derek was still hiding his dark side. "Shep…"

"I told her something… yesterday evening" He stopped, waiting for other questions. But Richard was not a man to corner him, he let him space, if he wanted to take it… especially when it came to this topic. But this time it was different, this time it was not just him. He knew Webber good enough to know he was worried for Meredith too. Knowing your boyfriend saw his father shot dead was not something she looked to be able to manage so good… "I told her how he died"

"Nothing more?"

"She had a bad day and… she was pissed for my behavior… with him. I had to tell her this… let her know. But… " he sighed again and rolled on his stomach, shutting up. Richard jumped down the bed and looked at his former student worried. He knew how this event had labeled Derek and he beat himself up for not thinking of the consequences this case could have on him. And his relationship with Meredith. Derek had never forgiven himself for not being able to save his father, all this pressure could thwart him. He hoped this was going to end soon. He patted Derek's shoulder getting a groan in response and left the room.

* * *

Two hours later Derek left the attending lounge in his street clothes, his hair wet from the shower he had decided to take. He entered the elevator to exit the hospital, the doors were going to close when a hand stopped them. He found himself in front of a very out of breath Meredith, she looked gorgeous.

"Hey"

"Hey" she pushed the button and looked at him "You're going home?"

"Yes, my shifted ended an hour ago"

"You took the shower here?" She got closer and touched the curls on his forehead, they were still wet and she giggled "You hate to take showers in the public restroom"

"It's just because Mark always make comments on other's… lengths" he closed her waist with his hands and she giggled again "he was in surgery though. So I could shower quietly" He kissed her and she kissed him back.

"You have nothing to fear on that" a grin formed on his lips but the smile was a little bit hollow, it didn't reach his eyes.

"It's a shame you can't take advantage" he kissed her cheek and the elevator got to the floor. They went out.

"It really is"

"Have you seen Bailey today?"

"Ten minutes ago. Her patient is draining the circle"

"What? I was told they found him organs"

"But there was a complication… I don't know exactly what but... They need a new one or he'll die" Meredith looked at Derek, he was really moved by the boy's story "Do you know I met him while I was with Dunn today?"

"No"

"We bumped into each other out of the elevator"

"Did he say something to him?" Meredith couldn't decide to utter those words, she couldn't confess it "Mer…?"

"He offered him his organs" Derek made a little step back. She couldn't decide what was the feeling which pushed him two step backwards. Shock? Astonishment? Good surprise? She decided to go till the end "He would be a match"

"You know that after the execution his organs will be useless" Meredith didn't say anything and Derek saw after her silence "Meredith…"

"I'm not doing anything" she put emphasis on her words and Derek chose to trust her.

"Ok… we'll see tomorrow morning, ok?"

"Sure"

"I start at 6.00" she made a step forward and kissed him quickly on the lips

"Good night" she smiled to him and walked across the hallway. Derek left the hospital trying not to think of what a humoral Meredith could decide to do.

* * *

The night was a blur.

No case, no emergency. Just a lot of time to think.

To what she saw. And heard.

Walking down the corridor of surgery, her attention was caught by a sobbing and the voice of dr. Bailey trying to soothe the voice's owner. Apparently the research of organs was being worthless and the boy was going to die soon.

It was so unfair.

Kids weren't supposed to get sick, kids weren't supposed to die.

And Meredith felt a new weight on her shoulders.

There was someone who could help this kid, like really help, like life saving help.

But anyone cared.

William Dunn was going to die. In five days. What difference could it make if he died today?

He wanted to die and the kid wanted to live. And their blood was the same. They were a match. In the body they were a match, in their soul they were a match: they had the same, opposite purpose. Survive. Literally the young boy, metaphorically Seattle's man of the year. He wanted to leave a good mark, a ray of light in the darkness of his life.

It was riding this feeling of impotence and frustration that Meredith entered William's room. She opened the chart taking a look at the last tests she had prescribed. Everything looked good.

But the fact he wanted to die and a kid who wanted to live was going to die.

She closed the chart energetically, too energetically and William opened his eyes, staring at the doctor curiously. She was openly staring at him, like she wanted to say something but she didn't know if she had the courage. If she dared. The man didn't look away and the decision formed in Meredith's head.

"During surgery, Dr. Shepherd removed a piece of your skull, it is now only covered by dura mater. It's virtually exposed" She saw the doubt entering William's eyes. And it entered her brain too. What the hell was she thinking? She took a step forwards, her labcoat nearly touching the bed "If somehow that area were to be damaged, it would cause intracranial bleeding, which would cause your brain to swell worse than it did today, which would result in brain death" William was stunned and Meredith took the final plunge "So as your doctor, I need you to be very careful not to damage it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He just nodded and she turned around to leave .

"Dr. Grey... are you doing this for the kid or for me?"

For everybody and no one at the same time. For herself, to believe that her work was saving lives and not seeing people dying without doing anything. But she had done too much already and she just grinned.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night"

She left the room, her stare fix to nowhere.

She didn't feel proud, but she felt relieved.

William Dunn tried to look behind, he found the iron of the bed, few inches from his head.

He wanted this… he didn't want this… but if he had to die… then that was it. He lifted his chin and then let his head fall onto the iron.

It hurt, like hell.

But he couldn't stop.

One… two …. three

The blood started to paint the bed…


	4. BREAKING DOWN

_Hey, I spent a short holiday in Paris with my children._

_I tried to update yesterday but I had some problem._

_Here I am... stay on board!_

_R & R_

* * *

Meredith hadn't entered William's room for an hour.

For the moment she had suggested him how to end his life.

Would he do that?

She didn't know.

Wanting to die was one thing, actually smashing your head on an iron was different.

People have a strong sense of survival, they are scared of pain, they have an instinct which prevent them to hurt themselves, that's why most people take pills or get drunk before committing a suicide.

As, awake and lucid, it's really different to harm one self.

She pretended not to think of her patient, but her whole shift, all along this hour, she just wanted to go in and take a look.

But she couldn't.

If she had made an appearance in Dunn's room and signed he was fine, she'd destroy her career. She had to do like everything was normal, the monitors hadn't showed anything abnormal yet, which made Meredith think that maybe he had given up on his plan.

She looked at her clock: it was 5 a.m. , half an hour and the others would take service, 30 minutes and Cristina would come for rounds, one hour and Derek would be in, seven hours and a bullet proof car would take William Dunn back to Caldwell. To die. And perhaps, Jackson, that was his name, would still be in the morgue.

She sighed and saw Sadie walking fast to her. Her senses focused and she heard monitors beep from William's room.

Sadie stopped in front of her and pointed to the room, Meredith's heart filled with worry.

"You coming?" Meredith ignored her friend's question and went back to her chart faking indifference and self confidence.

"If it's bad, the nurses will come and get us" Sadie was taken aback by her answer, but she hadn't time to say anything as a nurse appeared on Dunn's door.

"Dr. Grey, he's seizing" Meredith looked to the nurse but stayed still. Sadie's face showed an ironic smile.

"Well, how about now? Now can we go?" She made a step forward but Meredith hold her arm and the younger resident turned around.

"Sadie... Go find something else to do, now" Her eyes were cold and her face didn't show any indecision. Sadie's mouth opened but Meredith cut her off "That's an order" Sadie stared at her and then to the patient's door. Meredith prayed she would do what she told her, a scene in the corridor was the last thing she needed to keep stuff in control. If she wanted this to go like she wanted, she needed Derek out of there. And she needed to get Bailey on her side. She was waiting for her in minutes, she had told the nurse to page her, she really wanted Sadie out of here. Her previous friend seemed to sense her unsaid wish. She sent a last glare to the patient's room and then left. Meredith let out a breath and prepared her mental speech for Bailey.

* * *

That was the moment of truth.

Bailey had reached her five minutes ago and was taking a look to the man's chart.

She didn't like the man, Meredith could clearly feel it.

She decided to play the good doctor card at first.

"He had a seizure. I gave him lorazepam"

Bailey checked the information in the folder, she didn't get why in hell she was here.

"You paged Shepherd?"

"I paged you" Bailey looked to Meredith. Was she a fool? Last time they spoke she was not a neuro surgeon.

"Page shepherd"

"The patient doesn't want that"

Bailey lost her patience.

"Oh, really? He told you that?" Meredith's certainties started to crumble down, Bailey was giving her the Nazi's look. A voice cut into the conversation.

"Yes. Don't page him. He's terribly unpleasant" he coughed and Bailey turned to look at him, her brows couldn't go any higher. Meredith sensed this was the moment, now or never.

"Mr. Dunn is a match for your kid who needs the transplant" Bailey turned to look to Grey. It was like someone had sent an electric shock to her. Meredith Grey was one of the finest resident of the program, she was good with patients, ready in the OR, she didn't give anything for granted. But she looked to be overdoing here. What did the hell mean "He was a match?". Miranda was afraid she knew the answer, it would explain a lot of things. But nothing at the same time.

Meredith hold her stare. She could read the doubt in her boss' eyes. She didn't know if the sentence had opened a curtain in Bailey's hopes or if she considered her a damned fool.

"He's a match"

Grey had apparently lost her mind. Bailey would deal with her later. Now there was a patient to take care of, who seemed not to understand the gravity of his situation.

"You probably have a brain bleed, which is why we need to get Shepherd in here".

William Dunn looked away and Meredith tried to take another chance.

"Dr. Bailey, he's gonna die anyway". Miranda turned to look at her. She didn't really get where Meredith wanted to go by this. And she really didn't want to. She was violating the medical's protocol, putting a patient's life at stake. She was staying there, passive, instead of calling her attending. And what worried Bailey even more was that she looked to have a connection with that man. As they had a jointed evil plan to sort out together. A voice coming from nowhere entered her thoughts again.

"The boy who needs organs I presume wants to live" Dunn's voice sent shivers down her spine, it was the voice of a sick man, brain bleeding man. Still it was icy and cutting. It was like a hiss entering your brain and squeezing your heart from inside out. He had a goal and he wanted to achieve it. It was like he wanted to give them no choice. Bailey started to get why Grey seemed to have lost her mind. The man was making her feel guilty too. As she didn't want to accept his indecent proposal.

"And me? I have organs. And I'm ready to die" Bailey took Meredith's arm and dragged her out of that room. She couldn't breathe in there.

"I know it feels wrong"

"It feels wrong on so many levels, I can't even count them"

"But there is no case in any medical book that tells you how to deal with this situation"

Humanly speaking she could have a point, she had. A man who had done only damages in his life had the chance to do something good. But medically speaking this was out of question. They couldn't leave that man bleeding to death to save a boy, they couldn't take a life to save another, even if that was a murderer and a kid, a beautiful, innocent kid, was going to die. They didn't get to choose. They didn't even get to think about it. They were doctors and they were trained to this.

"Well, I don't need a book. I know what to do- what's best for my patient. I suggest you do the same"

"I am"

The girl had a nerve, she had to give her that.

"Oh, oh, really?" Bailey's hands went to her hips and Meredith knew she had crossed the line once more. "You haven't paged Shepherd yet?"

"Are you gonna page him?" She was not going to let Bailey intimidate her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at her.

"I'm going to do my best to keep that beautiful boy alive long enough to find him some organs. I suggest you do everything you can to keep your patient alive, because we're doctors, Grey. We're not executioners" And she left, leaving Meredith in the choice of what to do.

She breathed out taking a look to her watch. All this conversation had taken 45 minutes. Cristina wasn't at the horizon yet but Derek… Derek was going to arrive soon. And the first thing he did when she was on call on night and he wasn't was to kiss her good morning.

And this scared her. One thing was hiding things from him, other was to lie to him blatantly. She didn't know if she could do that. She raised her eyes and a shiver went down her spine. Here he was, walking towards her smiling. Before she got to chance to even say hi, he took her hand and drugged her to a conference room. She hadn't the time to enter that his lips attacked her lips, her neck, every inch of skin her labcoat left at his mercy. Her knees went weak for a good reason in hours and she moaned in his mouth.

"You're very happy"

"I am happy" He kissed her again, his hands on her cheeks "I'm happy to see you" He gave her a warm smile, a smile which brightened all his face and let her know he madly was in love with her and had missed her in his lonely night. His face dropped a bit to look at her exhausted face "You're not happy" His thumb massaged his cheek and she leaned in the contact. She was scared to look at him in the eye as she couldn't lie to him for long. She chose to play the tired card.

"Oh, I've just been here all night"

"How is our resident psychopath? Is he gone yet?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah, soon. I think he's scheduled to leave at 12.00" Derek picked up his briefcase and adjusted his coat. There was a light in his eyes and Meredith wondered what was going on with him.

"By the way, mom likes you. She thinks you're good for me" He kissed her once more and left giggling. Meredith walked out of the room and saw him marching away with a high in his steps. She smiled despite everything, happy Derek cheered her up too. She looked up and the smile disappeared. Apparently happy Derek had captured the attention of Bailey too. Happy Derek together with their romantic encounter in the room. One look of her boss let her know that Bailey was really ashamed of her. She had chosen to shut up, to hide her attending and responsible of the case the worsening of their patient's conditions.

Anyway this story was going to end, she'd have to face a very pissed Derek Sheperd.

* * *

Derek's day had started beautifully.

It could have started better if Meredith had been in bed with him but… finally… a good day.

He had kissed the delight out of her, found no remark in his residents' report of the previous night, got the confirmation that Dunn's post op was going smoothly and in some hour he'd be gone.

They could turn page, look ahead.

And in their next future there was something huge.

Or tiny, it depended on points of view.

Derek stood in the middle of a corridor, his mother's ring shining at him. He felt stupid as anyone could see him. And the ring. Which was worse. And could become catastrophic if this anyone was Meredith.

But he couldn't help it.

And he couldn't help the smile which stretched his lips every time he thought to Meredith, the ring, the white dress and a church.

There was just a small particular between where they were and were he wanted them to go: he had to propose, he had to freaking ask Meredith Grey, the most unpredictable woman on earth, to marry him.

And he was scared to death.

He breathed out and put the ring back in his pocket.

He had to think straight. Take his time and organize everything.

Meredith would say yes, he knew that.

She would freak out but she would say yes.

And here came the second problem.

If Meredith needed to freak out, she needed someone to do it.

He couldn't be the one, not with this.

And Lexie wasn't close enough to know what marriage meant to Meredith.

It meant to face the failure of her parents, to win the fear of commitment, to say to be ready to start a life with someone, having kids maybe.

He didn't fool himself: there was just a person she could talk about this.

Cristina Yang.

Derek smiled as he could picture Cristina's face dropping in front of his shiny engagement ring.

She would be out of words, maybe for the first time in her life.

He had to let this happen: Meredith showing her the ring and Cristina's jaw falling to the ground.

He needed to have these two talking again.

How… that was another story.

Derek had the feeling it was pride to feed their fight.

Meredith missed Cristina, that was clear. And Derek was even sure Cristina missed Meredith.

Maybe it was time to build a bridge, to try an approach.

And the ring he was keeping in his pocket could be the key to do it.

He pushed himself upright and walked to the surgical wing.

His search was short as he spotted dr. Yang coming out of a patient's room. He approached her fishing the box out of his pocket, she didn't say anything to him. He only smiled and dropped the bomb, opening the velvet box under her nose.

"It's a ring..." Derek didn't know Cristina that much, but he could say she was surprised.

"It's from my mother" Cristina looked at him like he was a fool or a moron. He couldn't decide… didn't want to decide. His courage fell under his feet and his voice shook a bit "Oh, it's-it's from me. It was my mother's and I'm gonna give it to Meredith soon" Moron… decidedly… he could read that word in her unreadable look "So what I'm looking for is an opinion on whether she's gonna like the ring or I should have the setting redone to something more modern" Derek searched her face, she was involved in this, that was clear. But the emotion he had seen disappeared immediately when she looked up.

"Well, it's- that's really not my job"

She shook her head and Derek closed the box. Crap, women could be so stubborn sometimes. Maybe he had to be a little more direct.

"Right. Look, I know you two are... still fighting. But isn't it about time you wrap that up?"

Cristina wasn't available to give him anything and Derek decided to show his cards.

"Look, I ask because when I propose to her, she's gonna need somebody to freak out to. She misses you... a lot"

Blank.

"You must miss her, too, right?"

Blank

"Look, I don't know what's going on in your life, but you must have something you need to freak out to her about, too"

"I'm sorry. I think you should ask someone else"

She walked away leaving him there like a stupid. Apparently things were worse than they looked.

But he was determined to work it out.

* * *

Meredith had entered the room to make a quick check of Dunn's vitals.

He had a seizure and she wanted to take a look.

She approached the bed and he sensed the presence, a good one.

His eyes opened lazily and Meredith gave him a small smile.

He looked awful, every kind of respiratory distress radiating from his body.

He detected her concerned expression and tried to foresee the questions coming.

"It's getting a little harder to breathe"

He closed his eyes and Meredith thought for the first time this wasn't the best idea ever.

The man was in pain.

"You can stop doing this, William. You can stop at anytime"

"I know. I know"

Silence stretched, his breath shortened even more, a gasp more than a breath.

"Do you want me to page Dr. Shepherd?"

The name catalyzed his attention and he looked at her.

There was less pain than she expected in his eyes.

More… curiosity?

"He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

Meredith was surprised by the question.

Derek and her had practically fought all the time while in his presence.

She had always called him dr. Sheperd and he had referred to her as Dr. Grey.

More than that, she had earned a lot of reproaches and hard stares from him, nothing of the lovey dovey mood Cristina always complained about.

How could he sense they were a couple?

"Yes. I had a feeling. Yes"

It wasn't a question anymore, just a statement.

She nodded, there was no sense in denying it.

"The man has very good taste"

She didn't know why, but she blushed.

She was used to compliments from patients, to appreciations from men. Not the she liked them, but she earned a lot.

This time, she blushed.

It was the way he told her, light, non chalantly.

The light of curiosity in his eyes was still there.

"Why does he hate me that much?"

"Excuse me?"

"Dr. Sheperd… why does he hate me?"

Difficult question.

Difficult answer.

He didn't hate him. He just… hated what he represented.

And yes… probably he didn't like him that much.

"He doesn't hate you"

William looked at her, his face didn't show anything.

He expected something more.

"He has a difficult…. relationship with murderers"

Great. Meredith. Good answer.

He didn't look satisfied though.

"Does he know many?"

She couldn't tell that to William Dunn.

Derek had never said a word to her in four years, she was pretty sure none of his colleges knew anything at all.

She couldn't tell his secret to a patient, this patient.

But there was something in her that screamed to talk.

Derek Sheperd was one of the best doctors she knew, she couldn't say the best as he was her boyfriend. He had this great quality to create an immediate relationship with patients, both men and women.

Females always ended up having a soft spot for him. And she couldn't blame them, just be jealous. He was nice and good looking and flirty and charming. He had the McDreamy's smile which could melt an iceberg and nobody could be insensitive to it.

Men… they saw him like the next door guy. He liked manly activities, fishing, doing house works, playing basketball. He was an easy guy and succeeded always in finding a topic to talk to anybody.

He didn't deserve the idea William Dun had of him.

The man had the misfortune to embody Derek's nightmare.

Everyone's nightmare to tell the truth.

"Just two I guess"

He was waiting for the rest.

"You and… the man who killed his father"

"Oh…"

He looked away and Meredith hoped he was stoned enough not to remember it in five minutes. He turned to look at her, a half smile on his face.

"Lemons…"

She arched her brows, she had lost the path of this conversation.

"Right now, all I can think about are lemons".

"Lemons?"

Maybe he was starting to hallucinate…

"When my grandfather was dying, he said he smelled lemons. It was all he could talk about for three days, the smell of lemons. I keep waiting to smell them, and I don't. Of course... he was a big liar, so..."

He turned away patting his hand on the mattress, the iron of his handcuffs ticking on the bed.

It was inhumane, the man was dying and he still was tied like a beast.

Meredith needed to break the silence.

"Are you sure you don't want me to page Dr. Shepherd?"

"I'm sure"

"Okay"

She picked up the chart and left.

* * *

Cristina couldn't believe her ears.

Derek Sheperd had actually asked her a suggestion on a ring, an engagement ring to give to her person, Meredith Grey.

Who would freak out, that was an understatement.

On other occasions Cristina would run to her and warn her, Meredith couldn't face something like that in the blue.

But now… now she didn't know what to do.

Sheperd had moved something…

Now she knew Meredith missed her.

Every time Derek had popped a question, she knew the answer.

It was time to wrap that up.

She missed her.

She definitely needed her to freak out about Owen, their catastrophic date and the strange feeling she was starting to have for him.

But things were not so easy between the two of them: Cristina knew she had hit a nerve bringing Sheperd in the fight.

She had said something really stupid.

If Derek knew… he'd be happy to have her miles away from Meredith.

Unless he already knew…

Yes, he did.

She turned the corner, work was always a good way to forget.

But fate was a bitch as she saw Meredith standing at the nurses station.

She looked tired and exhausted and… her person .

The word "ring" formed on her lips before she could stop herself.

Meredith saw it but didn't get.

"What?"

Screw, she had blown everything.

"Sheperd…" wants to propose, has a big ring, mommy's ring. You're screwed, Mer.

"What?"

"Nothing… " This wasn't the way, she had to fix things before. She switched to medical mode. "How's your serial killer? Did you monitor him last night?"

"Yeah. I got it covered"

Meredith looked down and Cristina got it.

She was hiding something, she was doing something and wanted her out of it.

And she couldn't let her.

She made a step to the patient's room and panic rolled over Meredith like a wave.

"Cristina, I said I've got it covered"

But Cristina was already in the room and her eyes detected immediately the blood on the bed, the heavy way Dunn's chest rose and fell, the monitors revealing parameters weaker than they should be.

Her mouth fell agape and she looked at Meredith, guilt all over her face.

"Tell me you paged Shepherd"

"He wants to die"

"Meredith, what are you doing?"

"Cristina, he's gonna die anyway in a few days and, if he dies here, we can donate his organs to the 10 year old who's gonna die down the hall. And Derek won't allow it. So no, I didn't page him and I hope you won't either"

Cristina was so shocked she couldn't tell anything.

"I know you think this is wrong. Just let me do this"

Silence stretched.

Cristina looked at the patient whose eyes were now open, staring at her in a pleading way.

She couldn't obey to this, she just couldn't walk away and let him die, despite how much he wanted this. She walked closer but stopped thunderstruck reading his labial.

"Please... please... help. Help me. I... I don't want to die. I... I don't want to die"

She turned to look at Meredith who was more stunned than her.

Rage overtook Cristina and she yelled at Meredith.

"Page shepherd right now!"

* * *

Meredith couldn't believe what was going on.

He had asked her, begged her to let him die.

And when she was going to succeed, he played this number, making her look like the doctor who wanted to kill him to get his organs.

Derek had arrived in the room top speed and just a glance to the chart was enough to reveal her bluff.

He was mad, she could say that.

But he had decided to lash out on her after, before he had to make sure the patient didn't die right and there.

Meredith didn't get the chance to go close the bed.

And she didn't want.

She waited while her colleges worked frantically.

When the last nurse left the room and Cristina wheeled Dunn to the OR to prep him, Derek took off his gloves and got closer.

His eyes were full of hurt and a deep feeling of betrayal.

"You should've paged me a long time ago"

There was no wrong in these words.

She could be fired for something like this.

Her eyes searched the floor as she couldn't find the courage to meet his.

"Better yet, when I asked you how he was, you should've told me the truth"

"I was following the patient's wishes"

"The patient's wishes?" Meredith looked finally up and was met by a sea of dark blue angst.

"He doesn't get wishes. He killed five women" Derek scanned his words like this could reveal Meredith the truth, the bigger picture. But she didn't.

"As much as you believe you're right, I think I'm just as right. If I've said something to you, there would've been a debate"

So she decided on her own and lied to him.

So much of Meredith Grey and Derek shook his head in disbelief.

"He's been manipulating you since he got here. He preys on young women"

"I made a decision as his doctor"

"It was a bad decision. It was the wrong decision" Meredith swallowed and breathed out.

"You're gonna scrub in on the surgery and you're gonna watch while I try like hell to undo what you did"

That was not an invitation, it was an order.

He walked out of the room to the OR and Meredith followed him in silence, five steps back.

Resident to attending, subordinate to boss.

That's what they were now.

With the post judgment, he was right.

What would you think if you entered a room and heard a patient begging for help?

You'd think his doctor lost her mind.

But she was calm. She didn't regret what she did.

William Dunn was scared of dying, he thought it would be quicker and simpler. But it wasn't.

He had acted like a human being, his instincts prevailing on everything else.

* * *

Bailey left Jackson's room as she couldn't take this anymore.

The boy was dying slowly and painfully and there was nothing they could do to stop it, ease it… anything.

It was an agony, both for him and his mum and she couldn't stand to watch anymore.

Organs weren't available, Webber had failed with the brain dead man downstairs.

Anyone of them had made brainless decisions and taken desperate trials to find something: but everybody failed.

And now Jackson was going to die and the serial killer was treated to be prepared for the executor in five days.

She walked blankly, her brain occupied by awful thoughts.

Before she could realize what she was doing, she pushed the OR door open.

It was not her OR, this was not her patient, she hadn't scrubbed in or anything. She just walked in uninvited and Sheperd looked up at her.

"Dr. Sheperd..."

"Dr. Bailey… "

There was something off in her voice and Derek could get why. The sad story of her patient had spread all over the hospital.

Miranda was a great doctor, a warm and caring woman. And she was a mother.

It was normal to feel for that boy.

And Derek started to fear the reason she was there.

And felt even worse when she said it loud.

"I need... y-you to stop" All the nurses, the assistants and the residents looked to her in shock. Everybody knew and respected Bailey. And this was absolutely not her. "I need you to put down the scalpel. This man is trying to kill himself, and God forgive me, I need you to let him"

Derek's hands were still in the air, the scalpel still in his right.

Every word Bailey had uttered had torn his heart.

This story was bringing Seattle Grace to pieces.

Meredith had lost her nerve and he didn't know where they actually were in their story, Cristina looked like the ghost of herself, Richard had tried an impossible and clumsy approach to get organs from a not-yet widow.

Everyone was crumbling down.

And now Bailey… the last rock, the woman who had helped him so many times.

Hearing her so lost and broken hurt him deep inside.

But he was a doctor, she was a doctor. And he knew she would regret this scene soon.

In others occasion, he would call security.

But he hoped he didn't have to get this far.

"You need to leave my O.R., Dr. Bailey"

His voice was soft and gentle and he hoped it would be enough. He went back operating.

"Five days... in five days, this man is going to die, and his organs are going to go with him. They'll be buried with his body and they'll rot in the ground, and that I-is a crime. It's a crime against life. It's only five days. That's it"

Derek stopped working and looked up once again.

He sighed. Apparently Meredith had done more than just hiding him the truth. She had ran tests on the man and said it to Bailey.

There was no way she would know all these things otherwise.

"That's all we're taking from him and he doesn't want them anyway"

"We took an oath, Miranda"

Bailey was crying.

She was wearing a mask on her mouth but Derek could see she was crying.

She didn't want to show it but her voice betrayed her.

"I kn... that. I know we took an oath, but... right now, that oath... makes no sense. It makes no sense. It doesn't. So just stop. Just stop. Don't do anything else for this man"

If a little piece of dust had fallen down now, they would hear it.

The OR was deathly silent.

Everybody was looking between the two doctors, probably wondering how Sheperd would come out of this horrible situation.

And he was wondering himself.

He had to stay calm and have Bailey reason.

"If I stop this surgery... it's the same as me sticking this scalpel into his brain. Is that what you want?"

Do you want me to kill this guy, Miranda?

"Yes. That's what I want"

Derek lowered the scalpel.

Bailey's answer let him breathless.

Cristina had stopped working too but they couldn't stay here, like this, the whole day.

"He's hemorrhaging through his craniectomy. Should I at least put in a subdural drain?"

Derek didn't look at Cristina. His eyes stayed on Bailey, who was just standing there, not knowing what to do.

And he wasn't that sure she knew what she had been doing in the last ten minutes.

He tried to wake her up.

"That's up to DR. Bailey"

Cristina was sure she was in a trick show.

She looked at Sheperd but he was ignoring her.

He continued to look at Bailey who seemed to have lost her mind.

Cristina cleared her throat and talked to her boss.

"Dr. Bailey? Should I put in a drain?"

"No"

Sheperd looked to be calm, but Cristina lost it.

Playing the reason game was not producing anything.

They had to care of their patients before he died on the table.

Maybe Sheperd had lost focus on the situation.

"There's a lot of bleeding. We should really do something soon"

"I am aware of that, Dr. Yang"

Still… he did nothing.

"Sir, really soon"

"It's your call, Dr. Bailey. It's up to you. Am in executioner or am I a surgeon?"

Am I a William Dunn in white coat?

Am I an 007?

Bailey looked at Derek and felt lost for the first time.

Could she really turn him into a murderer?

Her tearing eyes wandered in the OR trying to find a sign she was doing good.

"It's up to you. It's your call"

She focused on him, his voice had been gentle all the time and she sensed the gravity of what she did, of what she was doing.

Of what she had asked him to do.

She had been the surgeon on the case, she'd do that.

She'd take the weight of a life on her shoulders.

But she couldn't push her colleges to do the same.

She couldn't do that to him.

She closed her eyes, she couldn't force those words out of her mouth.

She knew it was the right thing, still she couldn't.

Her tongue was gummy and didn't want to budge.

She swallowed several times and, in the end, a voice which was not hers, uttered these words.

"Pick up the scalpel"

She turned around and left.

The noise of the door closing echoed in the room.

Everybody was silent and still looking to the precise spot Bailey had disappeared.

Derek breathed out loudly and resumed his working.

The atmosphere was heavy and he didn't do anything to relieve it.

He didn't pop any question, he didn't crack any joke, he didn't ask for instruments, he just picked them up himself.

In a corner of his mind, he kept seeing the scene playing in front of him: Bailey had to be out of options, she had to be desperate.

And he felt that way too.

Even if nothing bad had occurred, even if nothing irreparable had been made, this day would mark the rest of their lives.

Both professional and personal.

Meredith… he should report her. She lied to him, she lied to everybody. But more than that, she hid things from her boss. And he was the one responsible for William Dunn. I someone stuck his nose in his chart, he would be the one on the line, he would be the one charged of mal practice.

Meredith hadn't any right to act like she did, she felt compassion for him and this was one story, but all the rest was clearly out of any power and discretion she had.

Derek's heart didn't feel so heavy from a long time.

Their profession had never interfered in their personal life, they had a small crises for the trial's credit, but it was a spat, a small fight, nothing like this.

William's Dunn's case had brought to the surface big differences between their personalities: Meredith had great shades of grey, she didn't see the line between right and wrong like he did, she didn't feel so obliged to rules and duties.

Derek was the contrary.

There was no shame in this; many people had different beliefs.

The problem with Meredith was that hers was always the right one.

And she acted as a consequence.

She did things without a thought, just diving in and never giving a damn how deep the water was or who she was going to land on.

Usually it was him.

But today the situation slipped out of control and Bailey got caught in the middle too.

As for Cristina… she'd hear her part too.

They were fighting. This meant she could not care as a friend, but as coworker, she had to act really differently.

And then there was him.

With another resident he'd have kicked the guy out of the case.

But with Meredith… he let her take too much space.

He trusted her and she messed up.

He was responsible of this.

It was his fault too.

He had to take care of his residents, relieve them if the weight was too much.

Apparently Meredith's morality had taken the lead with Dunn, he had to act before.

He sighed and the OR came back in front of him, nurses running left and right to assess the treatments and prepare the patient to be moved to the ICU.

Cristina was in the same position he remembered her.

"You see any bleeders?"

"The field looks clear"

"Nice work, Dr. Yang"

She hadn't done anything and the both of them knew it.

"Why don't you go ahead and close up?"

"Thank you, sir"

Derek took a step aside and, for the first time since surgery began, he met Meredith's eyes.

"What a waste…"

She didn't know when to let things fall.

"He's alive, Dr. Grey. We saved a life. That's never a waste"

He left without looking back.

He stopped at the scrub room and took off his gloves, surgical coat and mask.

He felt nauseous.

His shift was going to end in two hours and he knew he would spend most of them in Webber's office.

Surely what happened had already made the tour of the hospital.

He didn't want to do this…

He just wanted to go home and sleep.

He needed to sleep.


	5. FRIENDS WILL BE FRIENDS

Back from a little journey to Marrakech...

R & R.

* * *

As expected the following hours were torture.

Webber summoned them in his office to know what had happened.

Bailey had got her nerve back.

To his relief, Derek got to know they had found organs borderline.

The boy was already flat lining, but miracles still happened in this world of disgrace and he was now safe and going to recover.

This seemed to erase everything Bailey had done in Sheperd's OR.

From his side, Derek delivered the news his patient was going to survive.

The new surgery screwed up the plans of the sheriff to bring him back to Caldwell the same day, he had to stay at Grace at least till the following, monitored and supervised as usual.

Webber was reading his chart by now.

He flipped page after page reading all the meticulous and careful information they had written in the last three days, he nodded in approval several times. And then he stopped. Something caught his attention and he put his glasses on, like to be sure he was reading good and not blundering.

"The chart says he had a seizure at 2.41…"

"Yes"

"Why did you wait until 5.45 to bring him in?"

Derek swallowed, he was massaging his temples to push the headache away.

This was the moment he had to talk about everything.

Where he had to tell Meredith out.

Where he had to officially kick her out of the case.

Where he had to complain about her behavior, where he had to charge her of lying and hiding medical stuff. It was the moment where she could even lose her job.

The chair was uncomfortable, Derek shifted against the backrest and forward leaning onto the table, the leather was burning his skin and the light hurt his pupils.

He stroked his eyes once more , fighting the lump in his throat.

"Derek…" Richard was prompting him and he couldn't wait anymore. He straightened up and Bailey got from his face what he was going to do.

From the first time since she knew him, Derek Sheperd looked ten years older.

His hair was messy, not in the sexy perfect way it used to be, just messy. His eyes had dark circles all around and he was playing with his fingers nervously.

He was about to set his girlfriend on the grill, he was about to put his relationship at stake. And even if Bailey blamed Meredith for her behavior, it was her fault too.

She had covered her.

When Meredith paged her instead of Sheperd, she had to take the lead of the case. But something in the corner of her mind snapped.

It would have been like throwing away Jackson's last chance. And she couldn't. She had been selfish, she had freaked out. And it wasn't fair, despite everything, that Meredith was the only one paying for this. Derek opened his mouth to catch air to speak, but she did it first.

"To tell the truth dr. Grey paged me when he seized" Richard turned to look at her and Derek did the same, clearly surprised. But there was no reproach in the chief's stare. "We checked his vitals and they were good, the seizure had lasted a few seconds and he was conscious and lucid"

"Bailey…" He looked up to tell her to stop lying. He was done lying for the day. Maybe it was true, at the beginning Dunn's condition was not bad, but after three minutes his ICPs had gone on the roof and someone neglected the monitors. And that someone wasn't Bailey for sure. She was trying to protect Meredith but this couldn't go ahead.

Richard didn't lose the tension between them.

"So? Can somebody tell me what's going on here?" Derek looked at Miranda and then diverted his eyes. He had to do this. Meredith had to learn from her mistakes and he had too.

"I didn't bring him in as nobody paged me"

"Excuse me?" Derek looked out of the window, the catwalk was empty at this time of the day.

"What Sheperd is trying to say is that…"

"Meredith didn't page me as Dunn wanted to die" A thick silence fell in the room. Derek sank in his chair swallowing a glass of water with a gulp, Richard looked at Bailey and swallowed.

"Has this something to do with your case?" She nodded and the chief kept staring.

"Grey had found out that Dunn and Jackson were a match. And he wanted to donate his organs"

"So she decided to humor his suicidal plan and she didn't care to page me. Yang did. When he changed his mind and begged for help".

Derek didn't raise his eyes from the table, he hadn't the strength to do that and Richard couldn't ask him.

To everyone it was clear what he was doing. He was being a doctor, an attending, not a boyfriend.

And it was costing him a great effort.

The tension of the last three days kicked in.

Richard looked at his former student in worry. What he had just said was heavy, and it was worse as he had no reason to lie, he had no reason to exaggerate.

On the contrary, Richard thought he had gone light, told just what was necessary. And he knew that the cooperation between Meredith and Derek had been tough in the last few days.

"Sheperd…" It was Bailey who broke the silence. Even if she didn't know what to say. "Everybody lost something here. I knew what Meredith was doing. I knew it. And I decided to let it go. And you know me, you know me. I never let something go. But I needed to believe I still could have a last way out, I needed to have faith that I was going to save Jackson. Even if it was thanks to William Dunn. It was my fault too"

"This doesn't change anything, Bailey. You know it" Derek rose his eyes and Miranda was taken aback from the coldness she saw. And the resignation. Her eyes met Webber's and he shook his head. They needed to let words sink, Bailey had opened him a way and he meant to get till the end. When he talked his voice was soft, not the voice Derek expected from him by now.

He had reported a violation and he had the impression they were friends drinking a tea and cracking jokes.

"What Miranda was trying to tell you is that everybody here made mistakes. She made one, a big one. She let a resident lead a case in the wrong way as she didn't get the courage to stop her. But I didn't do any better. In med school I was taught solidarity, I was taught compassion. And today I lost it. If I think of what I did with that woman… I have something to be really ashamed of myself today"

"So I should feel better… that's what you're saying?"

"Yes" Derek looked away. Forgetting was everything he wanted.

"You have no idea what this case meant to any of us. We had been treating Jackson for months, we had been looking for organs for weeks. We made the transplant and it turned out that there was a spot of the duodenum. A spot on the duodenum, Derek. In a transplant of a 10 years old. We ran out of chances and we searched new ones. We screwed your case up, I know that. You didn't deserve it and I'm sorry as I know it was hard for you, from the beginning. It would have been hard anyway, like this it was a nightmare. But do you really want me to punish Meredith? Do you want me to suspend her?"

Derek's answer was a sight.

"Attendings and even the chief of surgery did worse on this case"

"I don't want you to punish M… dr. Grey. I don't want you to suspend her. I just… I told you how things went, I gave you every element to think about it. Now it's on you, Richard. You're the Chief and I had to tell you. You say things could have gone even worse… I don't know how but it's ok for me. But since Dunn is going to stay here some more hours, I really would like Meredith to be off the case. That's my request"

"Ok"

Derek stood up, a little color had come back on his face.

"If there's nothing more, I'd really like to go home"

"Bailey?"

Bailey thought for just a second. This conversation didn't go like she expected. There were a lot things to say yet, things she needed to tell Sheperd but she knew the man was stubborn and wouldn't let her. Plus there was the chief. Maybe it was better to meet him somewhere else, let him breathe for some minute and let him alone with his own thoughts.

She owned him something… something difficult to explain.

She sighed seeing how battered and upset he looked, Richard cleared his throat and she spoke.

"I'm good"

Miranda gave a small smile to Derek and Richard nodded.

Sheperd took his papers and left the room.

The world fell from his shoulders after the door closed behind his back. He leaned on it and breathed in and out several times. His demeanor was really strange, so strange that Patricia ran to his side, stroking his arm to get his attention.

"Dr. Sheperd… are you ok?" Derek opened his eyes and saw two brown eyes boring into his. Patricia was staring at him worried. He decided he didn't need her to babysit him.

"I'm good, thank you. I am just a little tired" he gave her a little smile and she grinned.

"Dr. Webber can really suck the life out of you all…" she giggled and Derek smiled again.

"Yeah… you can say that…" He stroked his eyes again and Patricia took another look on him. She knew Derek Sheperd for a very long time, she had attended at his best moments and his worse. But never like now he looked shattered. Patricia knew the hot doctor was handling a tough case and she wanted to help. To her doctors were kind of sons and daughters. She took care of their files and she got to know them by heart.

"Why don't you just go and sit there…" She pointed to a couch in the waiting area "I will bring you a warm tea and something to eat"

"No, thank you, Patricia. It's not necessary"

"I have to insist… You are so pale, dr. Sheperd. Probably you got a fall of pressure. Just two minutes…"

Derek sighed. He really needed dr. Patricia right now…

"I'm fine, Patricia. Really" He straightened up and offered her his best smile "And I thank you for your concern. But I have to go now" He made some step ahead and she walked back to her desk.

"Just take care of you!"

"I will" He smiled again, but it disappeared as soon as he was out of sight. He was dead tired and he wanted to go home. He marched resolutely to the attending lounge and he sheltered in the quietness of the room. Luckily there was nobody there, it was silent and private. He took off his coat and started to undo the knot of his scrub pants. He kicked off his cross trainers and dropped his pants. He really wanted to go home. Exhaustion was kicking in, every movement cost fatigue and Derek thought it was better to take a shower. He took his toiletries from the closet. Even if he wasn't used to take showers in the restroom, he always kept a shampoo and a shower gel for emergency. Luckily he had enough. He opened the water and sensed the temperature. It was cold and it felt good on his skin. He made a step and the cascade washed on him. His body screamed in protest. Derek was a warmy-guy, Meredith called him that. He never did cold showers, neither in summer. He wanted his shower, bath, even sink to wash dishes, hot. As it was a lullaby, a cocoon which relaxed him completely. Strange, considering he liked camping and he had lived in a trailer with no flowing water for years. But there were commodities and leisure. Derek loved fishing and he had no problem in jumping in a river in January to catch a trout. And he couldn't lie on that, the water was freezing. But it was worth, it was like that or anything different. The magic of nature pushed him to go against his instincts and likings. At home it was different. He wanted to have comforts and facilities and there was no way in hell he was going to freeze under the faucet. But today he needed something hard, something "extreme".

So the water bit his skin and he shivered under the shower. He stayed there, his arms against the wall for support, like he could let the bad thoughts flow away.

He had failed, like teacher he had failed. Maybe he had approached the case in the wrong way.

Of course he had. He had showed from the very beginning he had prejudices against the patient and his coworkers had decided to compensate as a consequence. What happened was his fault too.

Since the moment Meredith had taken the admitting paper and read the man was a prisoner, condemned to death penalty, a black shadow had clouded his mind.

Death penalty: murderer, killing people, one or two or many… it didn't change anything. William Dunn had looked someone in the eye and killed. Did he have a reason? Was it out of rage? Derek chuckled under the water. Can a human being ever have a reason to kill another? No, no and yet no.

He remembered… he closed his eyes as a flash crossed his eyes, the worst nightmare ever…. The moment that changed his life.

The flash of those two men pointing a gun at them, yelling at his father, hitting him like he was a dog. And the roar of the gun. Before the silence. The silence of death.

His father had said nothing, he had looked down to his chest, pressed a hand to his heart and then raised it. He had looked at his palm, red of his blood, curiously, like he couldn't believe this was really happening. And then he had collapsed to the floor like a plummeted tree.

A shiver ran down Derek's spine living this memory again and a tear, warm tear went down his cheek melting with the water, warming his skin in contrast with the icy flow.

Derek hadn't understood what had passed. When the gun shot, he was too busy in holding his sister back, she had started to scream and he had to stop her. He hugged her shielding the sight of the scene in front of him. The man was looking at his father, still on his feet, with a defiant expression, a grin, a smile of satisfaction. Something which will never be erased from Derek's mind. But then Sheperd's attention had gone back to his father, his wound, the blood soaking his shirt. And his fall. He had landed on his back without saying anything, a moan leaving his lips. The robber had taken the chance to slip his watch out of his wrist and they had ran away. Derek had left Amelia in a corner and told her to call 911. God… she was 9 years old and she had called the 911, her voice trembling through the sobs asking the operator to send an ambulance immediately. But Derek had known his father wouldn't survive till then. His eyes were already fluttering and his breathing was laborious. Two years of med school were enough to know he was going to die in minutes. His vision blurred and Derek realized he was crying, he was a doctor and he was fucking crying. He tried to react and pressed both his palms on his father's wound. He thought he was out but … a groan … a groan of pain left his mouth when Derek applied pressure on the hole on his chest. He rolled his eyes and their eyes, their perfectly equal eyes met. And Derek saw it. In the eyes his own perfectly mirrored, he saw a prayer. Let me go, it hurts . A father is such from the very beginning to the end. From the moment the stick turns blue to the moment death is taking your hand, the only wish is not to hurt your children. So his father didn't say anything. But Derek knew and took his hands off. He stared to his father's chest going up and down more and more slowly. One… two… three. Stop. It didn't move anymore. Derek looked numbly at the non breathing in front of him. He took the courage to look at his dad's face. His eyes were still open. He hadn't the time to close them. He did for him. The door opened violently and he heard footsteps storming in the room and approaching him. Someone set a hand on his shoulder squeezing it. It was it. He stood up and walked to his sister. She had to be somewhere… He passed in front of the shop window and saw it: his father's blood soaking his jeans and shirt. The image reflected was horrible. And it was him. He started to sob louder as realization kicked in.

There was no way back to that… there was no replay, no pause, no erase and rewind. His family had been ripped apart and he had been powerless. A feeling he had experienced many other times in his life. The evening Amelia had gone in overdose, the night he had found Addie and Mark in bed together, when Meredith had dumped him from Cristina's altar.

He had taken everything without reacting, things had slipped out of control.

He raised his face and water hit his forehead.

It was time to take his life back, it was time to show up and face problems.

He couldn't let this thing with Meredith become a problem.

She had made a mistake but he loved her, he loved her more than his life.

And there was no way he was going to ruin things because of this.

He stopped the water and dried his skin better he could with the small towel he had found, he wore his bath robe and went back to the locker room. This time he wasn't alone. Hunt was adjusting his hair in front of the mirror. Derek smiled… more than adjusting he was raking it. Doing more damage than good.

"I have a comb if you need it"

Hunt took a glance of him through the mirror and chuckled.

"I had to know McDreamy would have one. The problem is that I won't have the same, perfect result" he turned on his heels and faced Derek, the both of them smiling. Sheperd sat on the bench, his clothes pooled in a mess, he fished his boxers out of it. Hunt left him some privacy and went to his locker.

"I heard you had a tough day…"

"You heard good"

Derek Sheperd was a friendly person, nice and warm.

He was arrogant too and that was the first thing you noticed meeting him.

Then the annoying feeling left the pit of your stomach and you got to know him. And love him. Hunt smiled to himself. Did Sheperd know Cristina loved to inform anyone about his first meeting with Meredith Grey? Apparently the "get to know me and love me" line had got its results. And Meredith Grey actually fell for him.

Concerning him… their first approach was a failure.

He had irrupted in one of his cases, calling him superficial and lazy. Bad move… Hurt pride of an arrogant neurosurgeon could do many things. Mostly bad things. They had jabbed each others for months till Owen saw beyond the mask and the appearance. Derek Sheperd wasn't an ass, he was a man who kept fighting till the end, who believed in possibilities and medicine.

And had a big heart.

That was enough to stop bickering and start to build a relationship.

They had become friends, shared some drinks at Joe's after work. They had talked and laughed and things were going great. Owen had mentioned Sheperd his idea to ask Cristina out and Derek had looked at him in a strange way. He hadn't understood at first what it meant.

Sheperd appreciated Cristina, Owen knew that. Even when he had played with her, sending Sloan after her skirt, it was for joke. He had called her a "single malt scotch" and now Hunt knew it meant a good thing to him, it was a compliment. But his look was a mixture of amusement, worry and concern.

Derek thought Cristina could eat him alive.

But it was Hunt who screwed their first date up.

Maybe he had to tell him, make some kind of conversation.

His college was visibly upset and hadn't the energy to talk about his case. He had dropped the topic with three meaningless words, it wasn't opportune to insist. He wasn't the supporter of speech at any cost. When he focused on Derek again he had wore his jeans, sockets and was now adjusting his shoes.

"I'm sorry… I don't want to be rude but… I just…"

"You don't want to talk about it, I get that" Derek straightened up and leaned his back against the cold metal of the locker. Naked skin to iron… it felt good. He looked up and sighed.

"I still feel this is not real" he turned to look at Owen. Major Hunt had a good quality. He didn't like to talk, so he listened. Without judging. "I mean… It doesn't happens all days that a fellow attending enters your OR and asks you to let a patient die under your scalpel"

Owen sat on the bench.

"Hopefully not"

Derek chuckled, "Hopefully"

Silence stretched and Owen decided to go deeper in the problem.

"Cristina told me Dunn was literally bleeding out and she entered the room"

Sheperd sighed again and kicked the air.

"Yeah…"

"You made a miracle saving him"

Derek laughed, he actually laughed.

"Shit… how is it that you perform miracles on people who want to die? Why can't you just save babies or young or… " he waved his hands and then let them fall down his sides "any other patient… Anyone who just appreciates life. Why had it to be him?"

"As we don't choose. We give everything for everyone. Sometimes they get to survive, sometimes they get to die"

"It's not fair"

"I know. But it's our job"

"In days like this I start to wonder if I still want to do it …"

"Sheperd…"

"They don't tell you it's gonna to be like this when you go to med school. They don't tell you you're going to lose more patients then you save. Meredith told me saving him was a waste. I said it's never a waste but maybe she was right"

"She wasn't"

The voice was warm, yet strong. They both turned around and saw Bailey standing on the doorframe.

* * *

Meredith felt everyone's eyes on her.

Since the moment she had left the OR to bring William back into his room, anyone kept staring at her. It was a kind of miracle like news and gossips could spread all over the hospital in a blink.

Not she could blame this one…

From her insubordination to Bailey's appearance in the OR, from Derek's surgery, which had passed unnoticed through the striking events of the day but looked like a miracle the more she thought about it, to Jackson's incredible story. More stories… all in one.

Meredith knew Derek had been paged by the chief right after scrubbing out. And that was the problem of gossip, it reached everyone. She wondered how bad would be the consequences of her behavior. It depended on Derek, of course, but not just him.

She had knowingly chosen to do something dangerous, she had repeatedly hidden stuff from her boss. And she couldn't think that the said boss could cover her just because he happened to live with her.

She finally got to the locker room and found no other than Cristina.

Her person turned to look at her when the door closed, their eyes met briefly and then she looked away.

Better, she couldn't take also Cristina Yang after a day like this.

She picked her clothes out of the closet and started to wear them, the silence sounding like a hammer in her ears. She had to make mental note they were still fighting, the instinct to crack a joke or say something to her was still something she had to debate with. It felt so bad being in the same room and just ignoring each other. She couldn't do it anymore. Her mind went back to the months after Addison's arrival in Seattle. Derek had picked her and Meredith had to stay with him the whole day without touching him, kissing him, breathing him. That was the worst torture she had ever endured.

Sharing the company of a loved one without enjoying it, pretending it was nothing but a daily routine, avoiding any form of interaction which could break the balance and the compromise it had to be found.

That was it. She couldn't do this even with Cristina. They had to talk now and make a turn. In or out, friends or ex friends. Persons or enemies. There could be no indifference between two people who had shared such a friendship. This was what scared her more.

She loved Cristina… she needed her and she was scared how things could go between them. They were both humoral people and just a wrong word could do the havoc. But she couldn't wait anymore.

"How is the patient?"

That was a safe topic, she needed to break the ice and work talking was good. She pretended to be indifferent to the answer and continued to rummage in her bag, Cristina closed her locker and went in front of the mirror brushing her hair forcefully.

"Post op feels good by now" her wild hair was sticking out at strange angles. The more she tried to dominate it, the more it looked to rebel. "They moved his way back to tomorrow evening"

Good, William Dunn was going to spend another night and day in SG. Thanks to her. Derek would spank her later. If he even could stand to see her and find his way home.

She had dragged everyone in a real mess and despite how personal stuff could go, she needed to apologize.

"I'm sorry for before… I didn't mean to cause you troubles or anything"

"You didn't" Meredith looked up surprised, was Cristina forgiving her? "You just got yourself in troubles. I paged Sheperd, performed a successful surgery… Nothing I have to worry about" she marched to her locker and set the brush in, Meredith cast her eyes down. Cristina didn't want to give her anything and she felt weak. She couldn't do this anymore. "Did you get suspended?"

"No… not yet. Derek is in a meeting with the chief right now. I guess it's going to happen soon"

"I wouldn't be so sure"

"You saw him. I have never seen him so mad before. He was so pissed he couldn't even yell at me"

Cristina looked at Meredith and saw her friend for the first time in days. She was defeated, tired and ready to the worst. She had experienced too many emotions in the last days and apparently had nobody to share them, to freak out to. Starting from the is-to-be-mother-in-law visit. Cristina made a quick evaluation of the situation and breathed out, there was no way Sheperd proposed from their little speech the previous day. Meredith would say something or, at least, wear the shiny engagement ring.

No, she wasn't a fiancée yet. And seeing the events of the last day, of course Sheperd would have more urgent things to point out. Meredith was alone right now, she was afraid of losing the man she loved and thought of her as an ex friend. Maybe it was time to bury the axe and go back to their "twinning". She sat on the bench in front of Meredith and spoke softly this time.

"He was… but this does not mean you won't find him home later"

Meredith looked up and Cristina was near, so close their knee caps could touch.

"How do you know it? I messed up with him, badly"

"Maybe. But it's Derek we're talking about. You won't get rid of him so easily"

"I think he might consider I'm trying really hard here. I scared his mother away and she hates me. I screwed his case… I would not take it as a marriage proposal"

Cristina had to make her best not to burst out laughing. Meredith Grey was a baby.

She lived fights and spats like they were the end of the world. She hadn't grown the maturity and balance typical of adults. The quality which allowed you to say anything and then to start new.

"Maybe not. But let's point one thing here. If you want to dump him, you might need to think of something more definitive than mummy's shock. Ride over him with something…" Meredith quirked her browns, half amused, half relieved.

"Your bike, maybe?"

"Why not? But make sure you kill him. Otherwise… he'll go back after you crawling once out of the I.C.U."

Meredith giggled and it felt good, for the both of them.

"Do you really think that?"

"Do you really think that work can break the feeling between the two of you? I mean… Derek's pissed, it's normal. But he loves you and that's not on the plate"

"Things are more complicated in this case"

"Why?"

Because his father got shot and killed and I didn't say anything coherent.

"There was something personal for him in this case and… I didn't give a crap"

Cristina looked at her, she was expecting something more but Meredith couldn't tell her about Derek's father. She couldn't break the confidence he had made her. She wanted to make up with her but she couldn't use this information to do it.

"I can't tell you this story, Cristina. I'm sorry…"

"Never mind… Why did you feel so much for him?"

"I thought he was trying to make up for his mistakes… I thought he was trying to make something good. And he told me he gets to choose how to die… Nobody should do that"

"He killed five women, Mer…"

"I know"

We don't agree, end of the conversation. It's useless to go on. USA were divided on this. That's why in many states death penalty was abolished. As many think that we have to take an eye for an eye, other that life has to be protected, any life, anyone.

It's a big deal, each side has its pro and cons. And Meredith was happy someone was paid to take these kind of decisions.

"Where are we, Cristina?"

"On the bench, in the locker room"

Meredith narrowed her eyes but Yang had understood the question, she just needed some time to elaborate it. Accusations and apologies, it was a mixture of feelings.

"I know I said things the other day…"

"But do you really think that?"

Do you really think I'm still here because I fuck Derek Sheperd? Do you really think I'm still here as Ellis Grey was my mother and Webber had a thing for her?

"I think some things… I think that you're a great doctor, I think that Derek is helping you to become a greater one. You have a story with the chief but he has never given you anything. I made a mistake and I lashed out on you. Because Lexie was your sister and I was mad that those morons did all this crap and I didn't realize before"

"But you expected me to stand up for you and I didn't"

"I just wanted you to say something. You had suspects and you didn't say anything… It was my fault, they were my interns but… Anyway…. I got my lesson for this"

"Really?"

"I want to become a surgeon and I have to take my responsibilities. Even with the under staff"

"Under staff?"

"Interns, stupid interns to baby sit. I need to learn to manage people, to guide them, this can be a good chance for me to get leadership qualities"

"So… what?"

Cristina stood up and extended her hand to Meredith.

"Get your ass off that bench. I'll buy you a drink and then you'll go home to have make up sex with Sheperd"

"There will be no sex tonight, Cristina"

"Just talk for yourself… Come on… move"

* * *

In the attending lounge there was a moment of silence, of looks and unsaid words. Derek didn't know why Bailey was there, he maybe didn't want to know it. He needed to busy his hands. He was still shirtless and picked up his t-shirt to cover himself.

"Did I interrupt something?" her tone was lighter this time and Derek chuckled, his face emerging from the necklace of the shirt. Hunt stood up grinning.

"Yeah. You discovered our little affair…"

"Were you trying to recover from yesterday's disaster rebounding on him?"

Owen opened his arms in defeat. How the hell did she know that? His brows arched in question.

"How…? I…" Miranda gave him her knowing look and he gave up. He tried to look for help from Derek, but he was rewarded by a curious look. He wanted to talk to him, but not with Bailey there. She was here and it was clear it wasn't for him. He cashed his lesson and took his stuff out of the closet. "Just do like I wasn't here" he mumbled from his corner. Bailey was already sitting in front of Derek and she looked at him over her shoulder.

"Why? Are you still here?"

She was scolding him and Hunt stormed out of the room.

"You scared him…"

"He didn't get it… I had to get him out of here"

"Why so?"

Derek sat near Bailey and started to button his shirt. She set a hand on his thigh and Derek raised his eyes to meet hers and then looked to her hand.

"Seriously? You scared Hunt out to take advantage of me?"

There was a hint of amusement in his voice and that grin that she liked so much. Something she had never told him, of course. The man was already too full of himself. But despite how much she liked to take fun of him and joking with him, it was not the reason she was here. There was something missing in the puzzle of what had happened today.

She had done a stupid thing, awful on many levels. Everyone had forgiven her and Sheperd had too of course, but she needed to talk to him. She felt something broke in him and she needed to repair it.

"You'd like it…"

"Yes… please…"

Derek pouted and Bailey hit his shoulder gaining a moan in protest.

"I'm not here for this. And you don't need someone drooling on you. You did it by yourself. I came here to apologize" The smile disappeared from Derek's face and he stood up. The man got in defensive mode but Miranda was determined to dash his barricades one by one.

"We've already talked and I thought we were fine"

"We are, but what happened in Richard's office was not enough"

"What do you mean?"

"What I did today was beyond any explication"

"You wanted to save your patient, Miranda. I got that"

"This doesn't take away the scene I did in your OR"

Derek was pacing in the locker room and Bailey stood up to corner him. He was going to listen even if he didn't want to.

"I was a coward. I got the chance to kill that man myself and I didn't. I put the choice on you, I ambushed you. Richard can say whatever he wants but I deserved to be fired today"

"Bailey…"

He looked up and Miranda set her hands on his shoulders, Derek focused on her and she could see the same tiredness and distress she had noticed hours before.

"After today I respect you even more. You didn't like that man, I don't know why but you didn't like him. You could let it go, let him die. You could let the surgery go bad, let some complication kill him. But you didn't. That's what makes you Derek Sheperd and I needed to tell you this. I'm not proud of what I did. The hospital is talking about me and Webber and the save we did. They should be talking about you"

"I don't give a crap of praises and good advertising"

He avoider her and sat back on the bench, setting his stuff in a bag. He didn't pay attention to dry and wet clothes, toiletries and medical garments. Everything was shoveled inside and Bailey got the feeling he wanted to leave top speed, he wanted to stop this conversation. The bell she had been hearing the whole day sounded even louder. Definitely there was something missing. There had to be some kind of connection between Derek and Dunn, something that had made this case so difficult and painful. But what was it? Derek was from New York, there was no way he could be related to some of Dunn's victims. Meredith? No way. Maybe the man had said something to Grey and Sheperd had lost it. But that sounded out of line, he was a rational, decent guy. Her eyes didn't leave his frame and she leaned against the lockers.

"Why is this case so hard on you?"

"Because that man drained every energy out of me, my mother was in town and Meredith didn't give me any break. She didn't agree with me and never did anything to hide it. She was fighting with Yang and I had to breathe their crap the whole day, for three days. The case got complicated and I had to force a patient into surgery twice, the second with you begging me to kill him. I'm sorry if I want to forget about it all"

"It was not what I meant. You don't want to talk to me and I respect that. I'm here if you'll ever need it"

"Thank you" He stood up smiling to her and Miranda knew he meant it, the thank you and the fact he'll never say her a damned word.

"I'm sorry I did this thing worse for you… it was not my intention"

"It's fine. You're Bailey and it's your nature to screw things up"

She laughed and Derek wore his coat. He was done with these things for the day. In the hospital at least. He thought of Meredith and the confrontation which had to come, the news she was out of the case would be a ticking bomb.

He sighed and regretted it immediately. Bailey was in front on him, searching him, like she could read his brain and thoughts.

"What are your plans for the evening?"

"Nothing special… going home, eating something… Talking with Meredith I guess…"

He gave her a quick smile, a gesture which showed how nervous he was in reality.

But there was something else which caught Miranda's attention.

Derek's hands went quickly and lightly on his rear pockets, like he wanted to check if something was still there. His buttocks were, so Miranda thought he was hiding something. Nothing he wanted to talk about anyway. Unless… maybe it was time to rouse the old bear, it was time to use cleverness and smartness and Bailey was proud owner of them both.

She reciprocated the smile and got closer.

"I don't want to steal you other time… I let you to your plans"

"Thank you"

"So… no hard feelings?"

Derek chuckled and looked to her favorite college. He picked up his briefcase and showed Bailey the door.

"I love you too much to mope on you"

"That I know" They both walked to the door and Bailey leant a hand non chalantly on Derek's ass, feeling something hard in his rear pocket. Derek stopped.

"This counts as sexual harassment, you know?"

"What?"

"You touching my ass…"

"I was not!"

"You were…"

"I was giving you way and touched… it accidentally. And then I touched something else… something which feels like a velvet box"

Derek's smile fell, like a boy caught hands in the marmalade pot. It was the same feeling he proved when Miranda discovered his affair with Meredith catching them in her driveway busy in… playing doctors to each other. He knew Miranda was their first fan now but… he still had a sort of reverential fear to Bailey. He gave credit to her opinion and now… now she had sensed he was going to propose, he was scared he would call him a brainless moron.

He breathed out waiting for her stern remark, but it didn't come. Bailey's stare was warm and concerned.

"So you and Grey are there…"

Miranda spoke softly and Derek could feel her happiness and sympathy.

"Not yet… I'm trying to figure out how to get her there"

"Figure out? What is it? A battle plan?"

"With Meredith, yes. I planned it someday ago but events took the control of everything. I need to be cautious"

"She's gonna say yes"

There was something in the way Miranda said that which touched Derek's heart. It was like a matter of fact reality, like saying the sky is blue and the ocean is deep. Meredith is going to marry you, full stop. Nothing to worry about. He needed to believe it. His voice cracked and his face betrayed unsaid fears, Bailey felt for him.

"How do you know?"

"You're very stupid. You know that, right?"

"You use to remind me a lot"

"Because you need someone to keep your feet down on earth. Now can I hug you or you'll call security?"

She opened her arms and Derek did the same, Miranda held him patting his shoulder.

"I wish you all the best, Sheperd. For you and Grey"

"Thank you"

"Now go, get your sweat ass home"

Derek opened his mouth to say something but Bailey got what he was thinking and shut him up.

"Don't… If you think I won't waste it, you really don't know me"


	6. two worlds colliding

I'm on holiday and writing from my cell... not so easy. Still I didn't forget about myt readers. R and R!

The ride home felt good. He was alone with the Clash greatest hits and he could raise the volume till he realized people in the street was giving him curious looks.

His car sounded like a portable disco and he looked like a freaked jeek. No matter. He needed to built a barrier between himself and the world surrounding him, he liked to do this. Looking at random people from his car. Imagining their lives, why they looked so hurry, their name yet.

Derek felt that everyone, somehow, had his own name written on the face. And he also believed that a wrong name could affect a person for the rest of his life. Parents had a tough responsibility there... And he was happy his did a good job. Derek was a wonderful name, both for a kid and a grown up man. It was common and particular at the same time. Not so abused like Mark or Richard or Jackson, not so snob like Preston. He smiled to himself thinking that, someday, maybe, he would have the same responsibilities with Meredith: naming a person, their baby. The mere thought caused a shiver down his spine. It was a feeling of fear and wish all at the same. Fear they would never get that. Meredith was not for children and this scared him. He didn't know if it was because of her career, or if it was for her mother. Babies were out of the picture by now. And a part of him felt miserable for that. He was ready, more than ready. He had wanted kids since he got married to Addison, but she didn't and he knew it was the first reason of their divorce, the first different view they had. Apparently Derek was one of the few men who wanted a family and commitment. Usually women pushed and men ran away, for him it was the contrary. But with Meredith it was normal. After all he had said the truth: Meredith was a baby, she still had to live many experiences . Sometimes he felt like this was his second life. He had learnt from the first and didn't want to waste any time, but Meredith needed to experience and take her time and he needed to be patient unless he wanted to screw everything up. Marriage proposal was already a huge step, it felt big like horribly big if compared to their relationship of six months ago. But time had made miracles and healed wounds and now he was ready.

Was he?

A divorce under his belt was something difficult to accept. Derek had grown up with the idea of love till the grave and the example of two people who loved each other from day one to the end. If someone had told him he and Addison would break up, he would have laughed. Loudly. Now he couldn't see his life with other woman than Meredith, he knew he had fooled himself for 13 years as Addison wasn't the love of his life. He had loved her, that was sure, but Derek had idealized their relationship, they had defended their love towards anyone... but them. Derek's mother had never liked Addison, she was privileged and rich and sophisticated, she was raised with a soft education; Derek on the contrary had never been accepted from her family. He was a successful surgeon, a man who had built his own reputation and fortune, but he was not the kind of guy mrs. Montgomery Forbs could introduce in the big world, he was not a spoiled brat Archer could play golf with in the country club. And they had spent so much time and effort to explain their feelings to their own families that, all along their road, they had become sure of something which was not real. And time had made the rest.

Derek was aware that it was his fault too. Mark's and Addison's betrayal had been the catalyzer but he had been guilty too. It was a stupid feeling, but he was afraid he could do the same mistake with Meredith. And it sensed impossible. But wasn't a divorce with Addison impossible the day they walked down the aisle together?

All things start to go fine, to run smoothly. But accidents happen along the way, things… and Derek had woken up a morning and realized his life was a fake, feelings had faded and he didn't love her wife anymore.

Shocking realization…

Addison was a strong woman, she had a huge idea of herself. She used at least… before the last months of their marriage destroyed her proud and dignity.

Meredith… would she ever survive something like this?

Would she survive the indifference, the negligence… the abandon?

A horn startled Derek from his thoughts. The light had turned green and his car was blocking the way to others. He pushed the accelerator and left Seattle's downtown in the rear mirror. Cars spaced out as he entered the last blocks before getting home. Cars, gardens, sidewalks and then the outline of Meredith's Victorian house. Her car was in the box and Derek noticed Alex's wasn't in the driveway. He parked and quickly closed the distance between the road and the porch. It was raining but, once on the steps, he saw Meredith's form on the swing. He stopped and she looked up, a small smile stretching her lips. A sad regret squeezed his heart: this was moment she was supposed to stand up and hug him and kiss him. But she didn't. She wasn't sure of where they were right now and Derek sighed. He sat near her.

"Hey"

"You're home…"

It was not an assessment, it was a question, a truth to say out loud to make it real and touchable. Derek turned to look at her and she did too. Their eyes met.

"Of course I am…"

Meredith smiled, but her eyes were filling with tears and Derek had to swallow.

"Cristina was right…"

"She told you I would show up?"

Meredith nodded.

"The world is really crumbling down if Cristina and I agree so often lately"

Meredith giggled and Derek did too. She looked away but Derek took her cheek and had her look at him.

"I will always show up, Mer… You know that, right?"

There was a moment of silence which said no, she didn't know.

She was still afraid he would run from her and her mistakes, he would punish her. He stroke her cheek with his thumb. He lost himself in her green orbs and thought maybe that was the right moment. What better than proposing to show her he'd never leave?

No, not like this. Not this day he wasn't welcomed home by her soft lips, not now they were so shy to one another. He wanted it perfect for her, he wanted it to be special. Meredith shivered under his touch and he stood up.

"Let's go in, It's getting cold out here"

Meredith closed her arms on her chest and stood up, she walked to the door and Derek opened it for her. He stopped to hang his coat, he was right… Alex wasn't in. Meredith entered the kitchen and he followed her.

"Are you hungry?" she asked without looking back, only sensing his presence behind her. It was like a radar… a sixth sense. Meredith felt Derek when he was in the same room, when he was looking at her. Sometimes, while she was in the OR, she sensed a change in the air, she looked up and noticed Derek in the gallery, a place he wasn't minutes before. It was like he radiated a halo, like he burned her skin.

And it felt good.

"Yes… I didn't have time for lunch today" He sat on a stool behind the counter and Meredith opened the fridge, taking some leftovers out.

"Well… we have pasta and chicken here…" she looked up scrunching her nose in contempt and Derek smiled "I think I'm gonna order in… " she left the plate on the counter and left the kitchen, coming back seconds later holding the phone in her hand. She was already dialing a number. "Chinese?"

"Definitely" Meredith smiled to him while he stood up to empty the plate in the trash. He sat back while she passed their order through the phone and then she hang up.

"The guy is gonna be here in ten minutes. I promised an extra tip if he was quick"

"Good"

She was standing at the other side of the counter playing with a towel just to busy her hands. It was clear there was something between them and she was scared to bring it on. Derek looked at her and felt to love her more than ever: she was so cute and fragile… He needed to put her out of her misery and he got an idea to start a conversation.

"You made up with Cristina…"

The assessment caught her by surprise and she looked at him. A deer caught by a car in the middle of the road.

"She told you?"

"No" Derek chuckled gulping a glass of water "You did" Meredith frowned and he smiled "You said she told you I was going to show up. I hope the two of you talked and it wasn't out of bet or anything…"

"I didn't bet on you coming home" Derek's face got serious and silence fell. Meredith realized he had misunderstood her words. "Crap… I meant… I meant I didn't place bets on anything… On you coming or not coming. We actually talked"

"It's good"

"Yeah…"

"So you're fine?"

"We are, we signed the truce at Joe's before coming home"

"Tequila?"

"Three shots"

Derek chuckled and stroked his face "I'm happy the two of you made up"

"I know"

"It's difficult to keep the distance with someone you love"

He was rolling the glass through his fingers and Meredith wondered if he was talking about them or Mark… It had to be Mark as they were there, close, talking. Definitely better talking about Mark, a story she had never faced deeply.

"Was it even for you… with Mark?"

Derek looked up, surprised. He had never shared remembers with Meredith, more than ever of New York and his life pre Seattle. Maybe she was really interested, maybe she was just trying to avoid serious conversations. But… apparently this was a day full of old stories, of flash backs. Maybe she was looking for comfort, to compare experiences and Derek liked it. He wanted to give her an advice, even if this implied to talk about dark moments of his life.

"Well… not exactly. I left the day after and we never had a real confrontation about it. Not he needed to explain anything… it was… crystal clear… what happened. For weeks I just felt the need to break his face… He tried to call me once or twice but… you know… It got much worse when he showed up flirting with you. I broke his face but it didn't feel any better. You're told that revenge doesn't help but… it's not till you experience it that you know" Derek looked up and in the blue of his eyes Meredith saw something she wasn't used to see. Pain… betrayal. "He was a brother to me… it was mostly worse coming from him than from her"

Meredith disconnected from the kitchen and tried to picture herself in that situation: what if she ever found Derek and Cristina in bed together? How would she react? A shiver ran down her spine and she closed the picture out. But Derek noticed something in her eyes and took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers on the counter.

"What?"

"Nothing…"

"Mer…"

She bit her lower lip and in the way that melted Derek's heart.

"I had a quick picture of you and Cristina…" The thought was terrific but brought a smile to Derek's lips.

"A quickie of me and Yang?"

Meredith pulled her hand away and snorted, getting a laugh out of Derek. It was so easy for him to take fun of her.

"You know it will never happen…"

"I think you used to say this even about Mark and Addison"

She closed her arms on her chest and Derek knew she wasn't joking anymore.

"I had never thought about it… I guess that was the problem. I trusted them… together and… apart…"

"What does it mean?"

"Addie and I… we had problems lately… But I didn't think she would ever cheat on me… And Mark… He had always stopped when it came to me. When we were interested in the same girl at college or med school… he walked away. The last thing I thought was that he could fuck my wife"

Derek looked down on the counter and Meredith wondered if all the pain she sensed in his voice and eyes had always been there. As she had never seen it. Derek was a nice man, she could count on one hand the days he had been in bad mood since they met. And mostly, it was because of her. He had a dark past though. His dad, his family… and the knocked down he got from entering his bedroom and finding his best friend on top of his wife. This was enough to screw everyone's up. Still he looked a balanced man. He liked scotch but he wasn't used to get drunk every night like she had. He didn't have all the issues she did. And his life hadn't been easier after all. She went to the sink to put their glasses in.

"What at are thinking of?"

"What?"

She turned around and their eyes met.

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing… I guess it was a shock"

"It was. And please… do me a favor… If you'll ever feel the need to cheat on me… just don't do it with him. Or… just call to send me to do grocery in the while"

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I actually thought you needed something from me…"

"Well… that's a big something… "

He was smiling to her and doing the flirty thing. And she couldn't take the bluff anymore. The dinner was coming and she wanted to lay in their bed holding him tonight.

"Why don't we cut the crap and face the issue of whatever?"

"Mer…"

There was astonishment in his voice. Maybe he was really enjoying the memory confrontation… she was too, but this hadn't to be the topic tonight. They had to face something, what had happened. Because one thing Meredith had learnt from Derek's story: avoiding was never a solution, it pushed problems far but didn't solve them. She didn't want this to be the first step towards Sloan's bed. They need to talk, yell, scream if it was necessary. And if Derek thought she wasn't ready, well, there was the evidence he was wrong.

"I know you're mad at me… I like the talking and everything, really…. I'd like to make it later though. We need to talk about today"

"I would have… I was just trying to lighten our mood. The air was heavy when I got home"

He hadn't felt her lips from this morning, felt her skin, her hair and the lack of it had become unbearable. He needed to touch her. He stood up and closed the space in two steps, he stroke her cheek and hair and their eyes met. He knew it was wrong… they had to talk but he couldn't wait. He raised her chin in a familiar gesture and kissed her. His tongue felt her lips and the fear which had held them hostages disappeared. They loved each other and there was nothing they couldn't sort out. The ring bell sounded and Meredith broke the kiss, out of breath.

"Food…"

She walked away, Derek heard the door opening and Meredith thanking someone, probably the guy she had promised the extra money to be quick, he took dishes and forks out and set them on the counter. Meredith ran back into the room churning a fried shrimp.

"Here is your rice and here are my shrimps"

She set the two boxes down and reversed the content of hers on the plate, attacking the fish. Derek looked at her and started to eat from the cartoon. What was he supposed to do now? Eat and later talk? She had brought the subject up before the dinner arrived. This time it was up to him. But it wasn't so easy, he had bad news to tell and, despite Meredith declared to know to be wrong, the official note she was out of the case was not so easy to deliver. He took another bite of food and looked at Meredith. She was devouring her shrimps sank in some kind of green sauce, it smelled like onion or garlic and Derek wondered how such a tiny person could eat those things and still look so angelic. Her nose crinkled a bit, probably disgusted by the taste of the garment, yet she continued to swallow her meal, a portion enough to feed two hungry men. Derek giggled and Meredith turned to look at him, a shrimp in her hands.

"What?"

"Nothing… I hope you won't complain about my morning breath tomorrow.. You should eat a box of tooth paste after that stuff…"

"It's green sauce…"

"I see it. It's not the color which bothers me"

"Well, smell your carrots and peases for a change. And I'll make sure you stay far from my mouth"

She took a last bite of food and stood up taking the empty box with her and throwing it in the bin.

"This Chinese is really great"

"Yeah" Derek put his fork down, rice was good and he had been angry. But appetite had disappeared now, he only wanted to get rid of the matter with Meredith. "You know that they found organs in the end? Bailey's patient is good"

Meredith leant against the sink, looking at him. Yes, she knew, he could tell. He wondered if she still knew about his meeting with the chief. Of course she did, her shift ended at 19,00 . She was still there when he was paged.

"I know. I heard a nurse talking about it"

"It was a tough case…"

"It's always hard when children are involved"

"When children are involved sometimes even doctors lose control" Meredith looked down, sensing the preach coming. "Even Bailey did… The Chief decided to forget what she did in my Or"

Meredith looked up to him. She was surprised, really surprised.

"And you don't have anything to say about that?"

"Why would I? She made a mistake and she apologized. No hard feelings"

"What's going to be my punishment instead? Will I be suspended?"

"No, I don't think so"

"You don't think so…"

Her tone had already changed. From defensive it had turned aggressive and Derek knew she had no intention to apologize; if Meredith was given the chance, she'd do the same all over again. This was going to be harder than he thought.

Dr. Grey was facing dr. Sheperd and Dr. Grey wasn't used to get lessons from anyone.

"I only asked Richard to take you off the case… the rest it's up to him. Even for what concerns me and my position"

"Excuse me?"

"I failed , Meredith. I was the attending responsible of the case and I made mistakes. What you did is my fault too"

"That's a nonsense"

"Is it? I cured Dunn but didn't do anything more. There was tension between the two of us and you got caught in the middle, he relied on you as I was out of reach"

"So he used me… that's what you're saying?"

"I'm sure of it. And if you stop bickering with me, you'll realize it yourself"

"Has it never come to your mind that he could be really repented?"

"No, and I don't get how you can believe it. But it's not what I'm talking about. I want to discuss work with you, just that. We were his doctors, I had to be sure his recovery would go smooth, I had to take care of the people I was supervising in the case. And I didn't. The truth is that I had to take you off his case much before. You weren't supposed to create a relationship with him, you weren't supposed to reach the point you did. I had to stop you long before and I didn't. That's on me"

"I can take my responsibilities"

"No, you can't. And you are in no position to take responsibilities. What you did was beyond any authority you have and you'll ever have. Do you realize that?"

"So what the hell am I paid for? To do what I'm told without thinking?"

"No, you can think. But you should have confronted me. Instead you hid things"

"I knew you weren't going to agree with me"

"So you just did it behind my back? That's how things work?"

"I know that I was doing was medically wrong. But it was the right thing to do…"

"For you!"

"For me… yes… for me"

"That's how you think to behave in the future with your own residents?"

"This isn't fair"

"Why not? You're in fourth year, next you'll pick your specialty, in two years you'll be an attending and you'll manage cases. Tell me one reason I should rely you on with stuff like this. Do you think to forget medicine anytime your morality tells you differently?"

"Maybe medicine is not the only thing we have to care about"

"Jesus, Meredith" Derek slammed a hand on the counter and gave his back to her. She was driving him crazy. He raked his hands through the hair trying to calm down, but it was impossible. Meredith was stubborn, she really could shake the ground under his feet. "How is it that you think you know better than others? Why do you think you feel and sense better? Do you have a so little opinion of us all?"

"No… on the contrary. But I felt you condemned that man the second I read his profile. Nobody did anything to relieve his pain or situation. You were judging him again"

"I didn't need to do it, Meredith. A court did. And a lot of judges did too. I was there to help him, not to forgive him, not to give him a way to redeem his actions"

"Still you acted like he was the man who killed your father"

Her voice was soft, but the sentence sounded like a slap on Derek's face. His face grew paler and Meredith felt that maybe she had gone too far. His father's death was on open wound and she had just put a little bit of salt on it. He didn't expect this from her. He expected sympathy, not reproach.

The fight had slipped from professional to personal again and he hadn't the strength to confront her anymore; this was his eternal problem with Meredith. They could work wonderfully together, but when something occurred, it ended to involve their relationship, their everyday life.

Meredith was a force of nature. She could be in a good and bad way. When she wanted something, when she believed in something, she didn't stop in front of anything and anyone, including him. Derek had always avoided to consider all the times Meredith had overstepped him on work. She was a doer. And for her luck, most things turned out to be a success and people were available to close some eye on her actions. Their trial for instance. She had ignored Webber's order and planned Beth's surgery without the board's authorization. Derek had succeeded and Richard had pretended not to know. What if they hadn't? Working with Meredith Grey was sometimes like playing a Russian roulette, she took the risk, she made you take a risk. But what Derek couldn't understand and accept anymore was that she did it in the blue. She hid and acted. And he was left to take the consequences. He couldn't leave this message survive anymore.

If she wanted to become a surgeon, she needed to play fair.

And playing fair didn't mean to agree with him. It meant to support her arguments and positions openly, it meant to fight and win in the open air, to lose even. But Meredith wasn't ready for that. When she sensed she could lose, she preferred to hide her game. She showed you her good face and acted in the darkness.

From one point of view, Derek got her behavior, many residents were the same. They experienced the high of post internship, they enjoyed the power they had on new interns, they could take small choices. They felt invincible and unfailing. But mistakes were right behind the corner to wait for them. And he wanted to prevent Meredith from failing, from doing something which could ruin her career and ambitions. It took so little and he had learnt it on his own skin. Meredith was young and he was a world renown surgeon. Maybe he had to stop to protect her, he had to let her have her own experiences, her own failures. He could do that, as a boyfriend. But as attending he had higher responsibilities on her as a doctor and her refusal to listen to him was a major failure.

He had always been a good teacher, he had his own method, the talking and rambling in the OR. Maybe it was unorthodox, but it worked. He shared with his students not only his techniques but also his thoughts. And his thoughts were why he was Derek Sheperd. The flood was restless and his intuitions were many times genial. There were many surgeons with great hands, but few had his inner instinct in front of a table. If she thought she didn't have anything to learn from him, maybe she should be assigned to someone else. The words rolled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Sometimes I think we shouldn't work together anymore"

Slap, one all.

Meredith didn't expect this.

She knew she hadn't acted correctly to Derek, but this… this was far beyond her expectations. He had never doubted her so openly. Well… except after Jeremy's surgery. He had been really unpleasant there. Calling her destructive… a negative influence, something like the angel of death.

He had been emotional and she hadn't taken it personally. This was another story.

He was doubting too many things here: her rationality as a doctor and her idea of justice as a person. Her bad girl side screamed to send him to hell. But Meredith knew better. She pretended not to know, she pretended to minimize the events of the day, but she perfectly knew that another attending would ask her head on a silver plate after what she did. And it didn't matter if she felt right or wrong. She was still a soldier and she had to obey the major's orders. She hadn't… the door was wide open. Lucky for her Derek didn't mean to ruin her career, he was just trying to solve the issue and flip the page.

But he wanted to make some point and she couldn't blame him, on the contrary. She felt this argument had shook his confidence as a doctor, he had misunderstood her intentions and it was something she was really sorry about.

"I respect you, Derek. What I did today has nothing to do with what I think of you as a doctor or as a teacher"

"That's quite difficult to believe since you repeatedly refused to listen to me and follow my orders" He sat on the stool and there was something off in his demeanor, he was tired. "Respect isn't something you say, Meredith. It's something you show by actions. It's the trust you should have in me as your boss, as the person who actually can choose. Do you think you did any of these things today?"

She shook her head, she had really touched a chord.

"I'm sorry if I messed up with your case. But this is something greater than the relationship between attending and resident"

"Yeah, you're right. You're right because there should be no relationship between attending and resident. We talk, we chat, we do whatever you want. But when I say jump, you do it. Would you dare to do something like that with Bailey or Altman or Webber? No, you just do it because it's me"

"I do because I feel good to do it. And I said to Bailey. And she didn't page you"

Derek stood up and poured some scotch in a glass. His head was exploding and they weren't going anywhere.

"I didn't mean to criticize you or let you feel a bad teacher or a bad surgeon, Derek. I think you're a great one, best I'll ever be. But I needed to do what I did… I really needed it. This has nothing to do with you and the respect I have for you. It's not work either. It's one in a lifetime case and I beg you to let it where it is. You reported to Webber and if he thinks I have to be punished, I'll accept it. Just don't drag this anywhere else"

Derek drank the liquor and his throat screamed in protest. He coughed and stroke his eyes who threatened to leak.

"Don't stay mad at me. It's over. I did right or wrong… we'll never agree in that. But once the chief talks, it's gonna be over. Please, I don't want Dunn to live in this house"

"I don't want it either"

Meredith sighed, the fight was fixed, they were good. Well, not good but they had talked. Sometimes there can be no agreement in two parties. Everyone keeps the starting idea and no compromise is reached. It's life. But Meredith felt she had underestimated another aspect of this story. Derek had lived a thunderstorm and she had been absent. It was time to apologize for this, even if it meant to start a new argument

She didn't know where to begin, what to say, she felt like she was walking on a minefield.

Derek had unloaded all his rage on this patient, he had turned into a different person and she didn't get why. It wasn't the first time they treated people charged of bad crimes, they had already treated victims and Derek had never acted like this. There was something which had snapped him out of his pain bubble and she really wanted to get it, help him. Arguing was for sure not the best way to do it. She needed to be careful and find a neutral zone "There are a lot things I would have done differently… maybe not to him, but to you. Since the first day we got home and you told me about your dad… Maybe… I had to be more careful to your feelings. This case has awakened something in you and it must be hard but… these… yours and Dunn's are different story, Derek"

"How do you know?"

There was something really flat in the way he talked to her, his tone was condescending, like he was telling a stupid child an obvious truth, she didn't like it. But it was useless to spat back, maybe he needed to pour out. "Do you want to know what I know?" His voice was cold and sharp like a broken glass and Meredith shivered. "Dunn killed five women. When he told about his, there was nothing in his voice but excitement and regret. Regret he got arrested and he couldn't do it anymore. When he looks at you… " He shook his head and looked away but Meredith was able to see a tear glistening his eyes.

She swallowed and everything got clear in her head.

Derek was scared. For her. He thought Dunn could hurt her and he felt powerless. Because she felt for him and seemed not to get how dangerous he was.

For the first time, she saw Derek's point of view in a different way.

He had suffered a tremendous, traumatic loss. And still she didn't know the details about it. Mark had refused to talk. He said she needed to get the truth out of Derek. But it was clear it was not about revenge, it was not about hate. Derek acted like this towards William as he felt him like a threat to Meredith. It sounded ridiculous, he would never get the chance to hurt her physically and psychologically… she could deal a little pressure. Still… Derek had suffered an unforgettable shock and it was impossible to convince him or calm him. He was fragile and scared and she had probably been insensitive. Not probably. She approached him and hugged him from behind. His back was stiffened and he didn't relax in her embrace.

"I'm fine. I can take him. Nothing is going to happen to me. I'm sorry if I didn't get your point before… but Dunn won't do anything bad… to any of us"

"Just because he can't…" Derek turned around and she could clearly read the fear in his eyes, she was sure he wasn't afraid for himself. "Do you think he wouldn't if he got the chance?"

"Derek…"

"You think that men like him can change? They can't, Meredith, it's like a drug"

"We don't know it…"her voice raised in anger and Derek shook his head, why did she need so much to believe this? "I like to think people can change… I like to think people can overcome their mistakes and grow to be better persons"

"If you looked into their eyes without this hope, you'd see a great, blank nothing"

The same blank nothing she heard in his voice.

Bigger than pain.

Maybe he knew what he was talking about…

Maybe… The thought entered Meredith's brain like a thunder.

That would be the explanation, this would clear everything.

Derek didn't buy any of Dunn's word as he knew the type, as he had already seen deep in those eyes. A murderer's eyes. What didn't she know about Derek's dad's death? Everything.

She didn't know anything. And the lack of information made her head spin wildly. She had played the good girl and doctor with an assassin and she hadn't cared to pay attention to Derek's behavior, to his words, to his silences.

The previous night she had dropped the topic like it was nothing.

Love, I made dinner.

Love, I can dance it out for you.

Love, my dad was killed.

There was a question which rose loud to Meredith's lips: where were you when it happened?

She feared the answer as she felt that, deep down, she already knew it.

Did she have the right to ask him? Now, after all she had said to him, after all she had implied to him?

Meredith felt speechless, she was ashamed of herself. Really ashamed. She had been selfish, she hadn't sensed the misery of her boyfriend. She could sense the needs of a serial killer, she couldn't feel the needs of the man she loved. How was it? The answer was simple, yet banal. Derek was her rock, he was his harbor. And she had never imagined she could actually be a shoulder for him. But what hurt more was that she failed. And right now, in front of his baby blue, innocent eyes, she felt inadequate, she felt like she couldn't repair her stupidity.

He was the one which offered her the olive branch.

"Anyway… I want to stop this, Meredith"

"Me too"

"We both made mistakes, we both hurt each other without knowing. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression not to care about my patient. I feel responsible for your actions and it's not just out of duty. But please… let's move on, ok?"

A part of her should say no, I want you to lean on me. But she wasn't sure she could see him breaking down remembering one of the worst moments of his life. She wasn't sure she was ready to share her own. For tonight it was enough, they had worked things out, they had talked, they hadn't used sex like the making up strategy. Dr. Wyatt would be proud of her, not totally maybe, but yes… proud. And Derek… it had taken him four years just to mention how he lost his father, maybe he needed time, he needed Dunn out of his eyes. He needed to breathe and then she could face the topic again, probably convince Mark to tell her something in the while.

There was just one thing she wanted to tell him now… the one thing she was sure of, even if sometimes she wasn't so good in expressing it… "I love you"

These words felt like music to Derek's ears, he smiled to Meredith and suddenly his pockets didn't feel so heavy anymore. They had so grown up as a couple, there was nothing they couldn't talk about. And that was all he wanted. He knew him and Meredith were really different, he even knew he couldn't change her. And he didn't want to. The things he loved about her, sometimes made him hating her. But love was this: all or nothing. You can hate a person only if you used to love this person. He got closer and kissed her cheek. It was quick and chaste, a habit, something he could do for the rest of their life. And tonight it was all that mattered.

"I love you too… I go upstairs to take a shower"

He walked out of the room and Meredith saw him stretching his neck. Other times she would follow him, or tease him as he was too old or tired to spend some hot time with his girlfriend. But she sensed tonight was different, he needed time alone and they needed to stay apart, even for few minutes. She quickly cleaned the counter, Alex was supposed to be back in an hour and she wanted to leave everything in order for his dinner, she had also ordered some of his favorite Chinese food. She washed the dishes and adjusted the stools, she stroked her hands looking around. Everything looked net and fine. A yellow post it caught her attention. It was stitched to the fridge's door and getting closer she could recognize Lexie's writing. It was a list of stuff for the house. Food, cleaners, toiletries… Tomorrow was her turn to shop. She rolled her eyes. She'd never admit it, but sometimes she understood why Derek was so adamant to the idea of moving to the new house soonish. This looked like a campus, people in and out every time of day and night, common buys, few privacy. Sometimes she felt like a guest in her own house. Maybe she had to talk to Derek. Finally it had been her to turn him down the first time; well, it was a bit different then. He wanted her room mates out, she wanted the two of them out now. Her own needs had changed. She still liked the company of Lexie and Alex, but she'd like to be more free in her house, she'd like to be able to enjoy every space, every room without being afraid someone could step in. Last night she had woken up, thirsty. She had forgotten to put on her nightstand some water and she had to go downstairs to the kitchen. She was sleeping in only her panties and she had to dress up in the middle of the night. Derek's head would explode if she walked half naked through the house and met Alex. Derek was groupy and easygoing. But Alex was a man and Meredith's ass was a private property.

She put the post it back to the fridge and walked upstairs. To her surprise when she opened the door, silence and darkness welcomed her. She thought Derek would still be in the shower but he was not. Apparently he was really tired as he was already asleep in the bed. She approached his side of the bed and sat, careful not to touch him. His breath was regular but his features weren't as peaceful as usual. A small smile formed on her lips and she couldn't fight the urge to pass her hand in his hair, it was still wet from the shower and it smelled good. She stroked his cheek and he moved, mumbling something. She couldn't get his words but she decided it was enough. She didn't want to wake him and she needed a bath herself.


	7. DREAMS NEVER COME TRUE

_Things start to do downhill here..._

_I hope you'll keep following me and let me know you're in this!_

_Next chapter is already finished, but I'll wait some day to post it as I have not finished the following one (my other fic is in progress too so... I have to manage times not to let you wait too much)_

_R & R_

* * *

Meredith's morning in the pit had been a real flatness.

No patient, nothing at all.

Lucky her a woman had been admitted a few minutes before because of chest pains and now she was visiting her.

Mrs. Simmons was a nice (but Meredith was sure she would change idea if she didn't stop talking like a grapeshot in a few minutes) lady in her 70, she was paying her weekly visit to the supermarket when she started to feel bad.

Meredith was preparing her medical history.

"So are you sure you didn't lift anything really heavy?"

"No dear, I told you. Mr. Bran takes me water all weeks and my niece cares about boxes of detersives. I was just buying meat and other stuff. I live alone and you can imagine what my cart is full of"

Meredith gave her a huge smile, the woman could be her grandmother and she was trying her best to be nice and polite.

"Are you single?"

The question echoed in the room and Meredith thought she had misheard.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you married, dr… " the woman stretched her neck to read her budge, scrunching her nose in the while "Grey?"

If Meredith had a better day, she would find this woman adorable. She was clearly lonely and wanted to spend some time chatting with a girl who could be her niece. By now, she found her annoying. She didn't answer her questions, always added remarks, didn't prove to be useful to draw her medical profile. ICG looked good though and Meredith decided she wasn't going to die. She could also do the chatting thing.

"Not yet"

"But you have someone…"

"Yeah…"

Mrs. Simmons lighted up in joy and Meredith couldn't help but smile.

"And how is he?"

If Cristina could see her right now, she would crumble to the floor laughing her ass off. Meredith had to be deep down if she spent her time in the pit gossiping with an oldie. But who cared… she had nothing better to do, Cristina was nowhere to be found and even Derek wasn't around. She could also talk of her knight in shining whatever.

"He's a doctor"

From the look mrs. Simmons gave her she didn't give a crap of his job, these kind of things mattered to mums and gossip aunties, not to random patients, she decided to give her more personal stuff.

"Tall and… good looking… really good looking"

"Oh dear… and you love him so much, it's so easy to see"

"Is it?"

Meredith was surprised. Was she really so excited when she talked about Derek?

"Yes… your eyes shone when you spoke about him. Ah… I remember when I met my August…"

Mrs. Simmons looked around like she could see a presence in front of her, suddenly she looked back to Meredith

"Did I mention to you I'm widow?"

The change of topic caught Meredith by surprise and she looked to her chart like she had skipped a meaningful aspect of her health.

"No"

"Isn't that important in your documents?"

"No… I mean… being widow doesn't affect your medical status"

"You're so wrong, darling. It's what breaks your heart, day by day. I miss my August every day… the world faded into grey after he died"

"Did it happen recently?"

"32 years ago… but it still feels like yesterday"

Meredith's heart closed for her. This woman was an example of everlasting love, in good and bad luck, in health and sickness, till death won't break us apart. And further, even after death. She remembered the case Derek had worked to a couple of months before. An old woman killed by a tumor. Every time she entered the hospital she signed a DNR form and every time she walked out hand in hand with her husband. But last time things had gone differently and she hadn't woken up after surgery. Her husband had refused to let her go even after Bailey unplugged her. He started to make compressions, got Bailey to make compressions. In the end it was Derek who stopped CPR and declared her death. He had to walk the man out of the hospital like he was a lost puppy. Stories like this sounded like a fairytale to a girl whose family vanished in a blink when she was five. To Meredith Grey love was something overrated till some month ago. Then… during the trial, Andre's and his fiancé story had opened her eyes.

_Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together_.

She still remembered the pain in Derek's look whenshe splattered on his face that true love could exist only in delusional stories for children.

_Good to know._

They weren't together on that catwalk… still her sentence had cut through his heart and Meredith had understood. He was still waiting for her. He was still fooling himself that, one day, they could be happy. He had been so involved in their patient's story… he had believed the woman from the very first moment, like they spoke a common language. Love language. Meredith had been herself, seeding pessimism and skepticism. And then she realized she was wrong. André showed up and she felt the remorse for a woman she had put under letting her think she was mad, letting her believe the man she loved was a fake image produced by her tumor. She broke into pieces in that room, after Derek told André her beloved would never wake up again. She felt wrong and damaged. And, after a very long time, she felt Derek's love on her skin… every time he spoke, every time he said something, every word he uttered was for her. Even if he was with Rose, she had the exclusive ownership of his heart. And it was mutual. Rough days had to come again before she could face it and tell him, days where she thought she had lost him forever, but she hold on and got him back.

Now she was ready to stand in a public place to cry out loud that love existed, that this old woman had lived a privilege and not some kind of illness that destroys your brain cells; Derek Sheperd turned her into a woman ready for commitment, committed. The one night stand whore disappeared and words like marriage and kids didn't scare her to death anymore. She wasn't ready… not yet. For kids at least. But the wedding… well… not so scary anymore.

"This kind of pain doesn't go away…"

Meredith realized mrs. Simmons had spoken and looked at her.

She wasn't an ugly, boring woman anymore.

"I can only imagine how it feels"

But it wasn't true, she couldn't imagine to lose Derek now, she couldn't imagine her life without him. She forced the image out of her mind and focused on the woman again.

"So… this old heart of mine…. Will it break or will I survive till the Superball?"

"You will… the after… well… it depends on what team you support"

Meredith giggled and stood up, mrs. Simmons was smiling too and she could leave her alone for some minute. "

I'll bring these to the lab and show them to the cardio attending. Just stay here, laid and relaxed, I'll be back in no time"

"Thank you, darling"

Meredith left the woman and approached the nurse station, she sat the chart down and scribbled something for her intern. She heard the sliding door open and then close with a hiss, she took a quick glance and her heart skipped a bit seeing Derek entering the ER. He was not good looking, he was sex on legs. His hair was a little bit ruffled, clear sign his morning wasn't as good as hers. He had those curls on his forehead which refused to be tamed and the same frown on his face she had been seeing for some day.

Clear, Dunn was still in the hospital and Derek was supposed to meet him this morning.

Telling him the surgery turned out to be a success and today he would be dismissed.

Working with Cristina…

Not the best day for sure.

He launched his own chart on the desk flipping it open and Meredith flinched, startled from the sudden noise.

"Hey" he smiled in apology and Meredith smiled back.

"Hey… are you ok?"

He nodded sighing and Meredith didn't buy it. He was in a bad mood and she wanted to make some conversation, cheer him up. She probably knew the source of the problem but they had talked the previous evening and they were fine, she didn't need to avoid the topic.

"How did William take it?"

He raised his eyes to look at her, pondering his options. She didn't sound critic or harsh, she looked really concerned about him, she was trying to do what they usually did: sharing their cases, lover to lover. His heart warmed but the topic didn't get more appealing though.

"You can imagine it… He's pissed that I saved him. And he's asking for hundred things, from jallo to beer to a cheeseburger. I made a deal to his guards and he'll get a hotdog from Joe's in an hour or so".

He gave a quick look to Meredith and then went back to his chart, when he closed it and looked up she was giving him the same, surprised, incredulous look of ten seconds before

"What?"

"You ordered him something from Joe's?"

"No, actually Cristina did. I guess she hates me more than ever now"

He leant against the desk, a grin stretching his lips.

"You couldn't believe how much she likes you instead"

"Really?"

"I won't tell you anyhow…" she mimicked his position and they both stared at the empty ER.

"Why are you so surprised I didn't deny him this hotdog?"

She focused on his face, he was still smiling, looking in front of him. Handsome… more than good looking.

"Well… I'm not surprised…"

"You so are…."

"Ok… it's just… I mean… You said many times you didn't stand him so… I just thought…"

"I'd do anything to ruin his last hours here…. Isn't it?"

His eyes bored into hers and she couldn't lie. She nodded.

"It's not what I want. I want him out… I know I do. But I don't want to do stupid revenges or anything. Getting something from outside is his right. I could deny it for medical reasons but I have none. He can have all the hotdogs he wants"

Meredith smiled… This was her Derek… maybe she had overdone things in the last days. She was so busy to defense Dunn's rights that she gave him more rights than he actually had.

"And what about you? Did the chief page you?"

"Yes"

Derek looked at her gravely and she got he expected a sentence. Punished or innocent. Screwed or immaculate. She was nothing of this. Not yet

"He paged me to set a meeting at 10.30" She took a look at her clock "so it means I have still 20 minutes of weariness down here"

"Any good case?"

Meredith brushed his forearm, the contact with him made her feel better. She pointed to the gurney mrs. Simmons was laying on.

"Do you see that woman over there?" Derek followed her finger and saw the patient "She was the only case I got since this morning. Chest pains and a lot of loneliness"

"It's sad"

"Really sad… She told me her whole life" Derek giggled, he could imagine Meredith listening to her, she was too soft hearted. She wouldn't get the courage to cut her off "And she wants me to get married to you"

Derek looked down to Meredith, her eyes were still scanning the room and a smile still curled her lips. She had said that word so carelessly… like she didn't fear it. He was speechless. Meredith Grey never spoke about marriage, not for joke and of course not seriously. Maybe she was testing him, maybe Cristina had spilled it out, after all they had solved their conflict, they were back to the dark and twisty sisters partnership. But he didn't sense it. Even if Cristina had told her, Meredith wouldn't tempt him, she wouldn't mention it on purpose, she would avoid him like plague. But she weren't. On the contrary, she was cracking jokes and she was talking to him about her morning. Maybe he could try to investigate a little more.

"Does she like me so much?"

Meredith turned around smiling, Derek was giving her his cocky arrogant grin, the expression which bought him the nick name of Mc Dreamy and she was starting to feel week in the knees.

"She has never seen you actually. But I told I had someone and she assumed I'm head over hills on you"

"The woman is almost blind but can see further than her nose"

"You really like yourself, uhm?"

"Just hiding my pain…"

They both burst out laughing and Derek lingered searching Meredith's face. She was smiling, she was happy, she was beautiful. And she was ready. And he loved her more than his own life. Maybe it was time to break to delay and plan a royal date to propose.

He hadn't made up his mind yet. Meredith was a stunning woman, but she was simple, easy, like him. He didn't know if a fancy restaurant was the proper place to prepare the event. He couldn't even do it at home. Hospital… A voice scream in his own ears. Would he dare to do it in the work place? They had very good memories in SG, special spots and rooms. Not to talk about elevators. If they could talk, his career and reliability would be over for a while.

But today he hadn't the strength to think of it, today he had decided to propose soon.

Tomorrow he'd think how to do it.

* * *

Meredith had succeeded to dump mrs. Simmons' case to her resident. The woman was adorable but her case was not going to offer anything to her curriculum; she preferred to leave her care to dr. Michaels, who looked enthusiastic at the mere idea.

Dr. Grey was now riding the elevator to the surgical floor, her meeting with the chief was expected to begin in ten minutes and she didn't want to be late. Usually she wouldn't pay so much attention, but today… today she had screwed up and she needed to be faultless. The doors opened for what seemed to be the tenth time and Meredith sighed, nerves were playing tricks on her. Everything was bothering her and she knew she had to keep quite.

On the floor there was Cristina waiting for the elevator and Meredith smiled to her. She was less happy seeing all her residents behind her back. Yang sensed Meredith's bother and barked to the young interns to use the stairs. She would meet them on the floor. Them all disappeared and Meredith giggled when the doors closed.

"You scared them…"

"No, I just let them clear not to breathe on my neck. Are you going to Webber?"

Meredith's smiles dropped and she nodded, burying her hands in the labcoat pockets.

"He'll spank you… but you'll get no punishment"

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I feel it. He didn't punish Iz when she cut Duquette's wire, he didn't punish me when I covered Burke. He just won't"

"I hope you're right. I already got my punishment spending the morning in the pit making conversation with an old patient"

"Did she teach you to knit?"

"I already can do it"

"Broider then?"

"No, hot dog making" Cristina stared at her in surprise "Do you need some tip?"

"Really funny… I hoped Sheperd would go on with the hate line. Apparently you sweetened him"

"Did they talk civilly?"

"Civility is a big world for Dunn. He tried to set Derek off but he couldn't"

"I just hope this will be over soon"

"Me too"

"I got used to mrs. Simmons' gossip and the marriage stuff… possible firing conversation is hard to face"

Cristina's eyes jump to Meredith's when she heard about marriage stuff. What was this supposed to mean? Did Sheperd propose yesterday? Of course he didn't do it today. No, there was no way. She played the numb card.

"Marriage?"

"She actually told me about hers and then suggested I have to marry Derek… Not that she knows him but… she said I would"

"And do you think she's right?"

Meredith turned to look at Cristina. What was wrong with anyone today?

"No… I mean…. Maybe… I don't know"

"You don't know? You don't know if you would say yes or you don't want if he's going to try it?"

"What does it matter now? I'm going to the chief and he could fire me. Do you think I care about marriage and searching my soul?"

Cristina decided it was just a coincidence and dropped the conversation. She shrugged pressing once again on the floor button.

"You talked about it…"

"Sure…" Silence stretched and Meredith looked at the lights indicating the floors. She sighed. "I think I could be… ready… you know… Derek and I got through so many things… We live together for a while now and… I could be ready… if he ever finds the courage to propose"

Cristina swallowed, her best friend could be such a moron sometimes. She really didn't get the power she had on Sheperd, he would jump into the fire if she ever asked. And he was less scared than she thought.

"Sheperd is a pig head. He knows you well enough to know not to make sudden steps. But he is not going to wait forever"

"What does this mean?"

"You should worry about what you want. He knows what he wants"

"And what is it?"

"A Victorian house on his land, a ring on your finger and a horde of little Sheperds around. Are you ready for this?"

"For the house and the ring… I think I am. We still have to work on little Sheperds… I need to finish my residency first and… see how my career will display" Their eyes met and for the first time since… definitely a lot of time, she couldn't read anything on Cristina's face. What was she thinking? She needed to know… She was her person and Meredith cared about her opinion "Cristina… just say something please…"

Magically Yang's lips stretched in a smile and she hugged her, the reverse situation of what happened usually.

"Cristina?"

"I'm really proud of you, Meredith Grey"

"Thank you…" Cristina broke the embrace and turned to look to the door, her expression still delighted. Meredith was looking at her doubtful. "It's not like this is going to happen soon though… I mean… Derek could not want to marry me so… "

"We'll wait and see… Just don't get yourself fired by now…"

"I'll try"

The elevator finally reached the floor and they stepped out. Cristina patted Meredith's shoulder and gave her an encouraging smile. She looked at her friend retrieving back and hoped everything would be fine. Her heart swelled of joy and it felt good. Meredith had found her way, she had built a steady relationship with someone who was going to make her really happy. And she would not walk away. She deserved all what future was going to give her. And Derek too. Cristina couldn't control the little laughter which erupted from her throat. Derek was waiting to propose to Meredith as he wasn't sure she was ready. Meredith wasn't sure Derek would ever propose. These two really needed a kick in the ass to move. And she had chosen who would be first to take one.

* * *

Derek was sitting sipping a coffee in the attending lounge. He was scrolling a magazine, not really attracted to tell the truth by the new founds of rhinoplasty. He just needed some peace and quiet after his last meeting with William Dunn. Which had been tough.

The man wasn't happy after the last surgery he had to endure, even though he had begged for help in his room, it was quite assumed he wanted help to die, not to be saved.

"_How do you feel, mr. Dunn?"_

"_Alive"_

"_The surgery was complicated but went good. Your labs are fine, I gave you some morphine for the pain… is it working?"_

"_No… my head is fucking killing me"_

"_It's normal. You cracked it against the rail bed several times… You brain needs time to resettle back"_

"_How lucky I am… I met dr. God whose aim of the month was saving my life. I guess you kill most of your patients… but you just had to play numbers with me"_

"_It's what I always do. And yes, unfortunately, many patients die on my table. I was happy I could save you. You should be too"_

"_Oh I am… But unfortunately for me, I won't have happy relatives to make me a welcome home party. I have a party with death set in three days. Do you want to join us… make us company Dr. Sheperd? I think you'd enjoy it"_

"_Unlike what you think, I'm sorry for what is expecting you"_

_Dunn laughed and Derek's blood froze in his veins. There was something malignant in that sound._

"_What are you sorry about?"_

"_I'm sorry that you killed those people and even that you wasted your life. But that's on you"_

"_You're right… I chose it… But since I was told I'm going to die… life looks more precious to me"_

"_You learnt your lesson then…"_

_Derek signed the chart and made some step towards the exit, Cristina following him._

"_Dr. Sheperd…." Derek turned around and their eyes met "Did the nurse tell you my request?"_

"_No"_

"_Could I have a hotdog before going back to hell?"_

"_Dr. Yang will take care of it" Cristina rolled her eyes "See you later, mr. Dunn"_

Cristina made his order letting Sheperd know she was pissed. She was not a freaking waitress or a nurse. But nothing more mattered. Dunn was going to leave in some hour and he was going to have time to forget. The door opened letting the noises and smells of the hospital entering the room. It was a short invasion though, the door closed immediately and Derek raised his eyes to meet Owen.

"Morning"

"Morning"

Hunt walked to the coffee pot and tried to pour some into a mug.

"I'm sorry… I finished it"

"Oh…" He settled the useless mug on the table and went to the sink to fill the pot with water "I'm not lucky with coffee… I never find any. I think I'm the attending who prepares more pots here…"

"It's because you are kind of new and you don't know strategies yet"

"Strategies?"

"Yes… best hours to come here and find everything done and ready"

"Wow… would you share it with me or… is it a state secret?"

"It is… but I can make an exception for you" Derek launched the magazine on the little table in front of the couch and smiled to Owen.

"I'm very flattered… and ready to listen"

"The attending on call ends its shift at 8,30 . So if you come here at 8.45 there's a pot hot and full waiting for you. Avoid lunch time and the hour between 13 and 14. Torres and Robbins and Altman do a woman reunion here and they use to drink an awful, vegetable based, herb tea. The smell stays in the pot for two or three rounds, so 18-18.30 is the best hour to drink a strong, dark coffee not mint taste"

"I'm speechless… Did you study these movements for long?"

"A little bit. But… to tell the truth… you're the only one not to know… You don't pay too much attention on this… right?"

"No… I'm not an observing man in this stuff" the pot hissed and Owen went to take it off the hover. "So I keep doing coffee for you. Do you want some?"

"Since you're there… thank you" Hunt poured two coffees in the plastic cups and walked to Derek with some sugar, he handled him a cup and sat on the couch groaning. "Oh… I needed this"

Derek looked at him smiling and took a sip of coffee. As he swallowed it, he gritted his teeth, the bitter flavor still on his tongue.

"It would be better if you put sugar in"

"No, thank you"

"Oh right… you're the health nut guy, I forgot that" Derek giggled and set his cup down. He took a furtive glance to his college and decided to ask something which was making him really curious.

"So… I heard rumors of a date between you and a doctor we both know"

Owen nearly choked on his coffee, the liquid entering different ways than expected. It went down to his lungs and up his nose and he started to cough violently. Derek patted his shoulder blades trying to help him breathing. Hunt caught his breath and lifted a hand, Derek stopped hitting him.

"I'm sorry" His voice was still a bit cracked and Derek stood up and brought him some water

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you"

"You didn't…"

"You nearly died drowning in your coffee at the mere mention of Cristina"

"I nearly died at the mention of people chatting around. I'm not used to gossip…"

"Welcome to Seattle Grace…"

"Thank you…"

"You're welcome… I exaggerated though. I got an allusion from Bailey yesterday and I summoned it up. But you don't have to talk if you don't want to"

"No, it's fine. I wanted to tell you. But you know… it's not something I really go proud of" Owen looked at Derek and saw concern, he didn't know anything more about his first, failure date with Cristina. Even for Hunt was difficult to explain what happened that evening. He wasn't a man used to get drunk. He liked a drink with friends but…. getting drunk… not one of his habits. He really couldn't get himself how he could end up in that state on Cristina's door, in her house, under her shower. It was like a black hole, he raked his hands in his hair and Derek frowned.

"That bad?"

"Bad is an understatement. I arrived drunk to our date"

Derek couldn't help but smile. This looked a lot like college years.

"With Cristina you may need a further push…" Hunt giggled and stood up, pacing in the room like a student at the prom.

"Maybe you're right"

"Did something happen for you to get drunk or were you nervous for the date?"

It was Hunt's turn to giggle.

"The both I think. I had a tough day… I remembered stuff from Iraq and… I just … couldn't stand both things in one day… She wanted to know of my hardest surgery and I… maybe I hadn't to ask her out"

"It was good instead. You like her and from what I know Cristina, she finds you interesting too"

"I'm a mess"

"I was too when I got in town. Meredith put ground under my feet. I know you can laugh hearing that… we had a lot of problems and upside down but… she really helped. Cristina can be the right person for you"

"How do you know? We don't know each other so well…"

"I feel it. I have a good intuition about people and I feel you can be the right one for her. Actually… she didn't go around to talk about your failure. What does this say to you?"

"Women don't talk with pleasure of bad hook ups"

"You're so wrong about this… She is giving you a second chance. Take it"

"I'll see…" His pager beeped and he looked at it "My patient is ready for surgery"

He stood up and went to the door.

"Good luck"

Owen turned around and smiled to Sheperd.

"With what? Cristina or the patient?"

"The both I guess"

"Be ready for a double date"

"I look forward…"

Owen giggled leaving the room, Derek picked up his magazine again and started reading. His peace didn't last long as the door opened again. He looked up and was surprised seeing Cristina on the door. She was looking inside doubtful, maybe she expected to find Owen here.

"Dr. Hunt has left two minutes ago" He looked down expecting to hear the door shutting closed but it didn't happen. He looked up a minute later and Cristina was still there, looking at him. "Is there anything I can do for you, dr. Yang?" She closed the door behind her back but didn't say anything. Derek closed the magazine and tried to think if something had happened that morning, something she might want to discuss with him. The only thing was Dunn's order to Joe's, Cristina was arrogant and really overconfident, but she was also a woman of humor, not much but… a little bit. She couldn't be mad for that. Derek was about to speak again but she closed the distance between them and sat near him. "Dr. Yang?"

"Can I see your ring again… please?"

Derek could die right now, he expected everything but this. Cristina Yang made quite clear she didn't want to know anything of his proposal. Well… she and Meredith were still fighting then and now they had made up. Still her sentence froze him. His mouth was agape and Cristina grinned in his face.

"Seriously… did you lose your tongue?"

Nothing. Cristina waved her hand in front of his face.

"Sheperd… is your brain screwed or what?"

Her sarcasm brought him back on earth.

"Why?"

"Because I'm talking to you and you look at me look you can't see"

Derek snorted, this woman could drive him crazy, now he got why Hunt needed a drink before taking her out.

"Why do you want to see my ring?"

"You asked … practically begged me to give you a second opinion. And it's not yours. It's Meredith's… better… mummy's ring. Anyway… if you finally made up your mind…" She tried to stand up but Derek stopped her. He let go of her hand and shifted forward on the couch, half sitting and half stretched. He was rummaging in his rear pockets and Cristina didn't lose time to take fun of him.

"If you need to take off your pants, I can wait out"

"I don't need to take off my pants, for your misfortune" he produced a little box in his left hand and opened it under her eyes. He sensed the change in her breathing. Cristina Yang was a complicated woman, she was determined and strong. Yet she was careful and sensitive. Owen Hunt had a tough job ahead, but every sacrifice would pay him back in the long run. "So… what do you think?"

She took the piece of jewelry with reverence, looking at it cautiously.

"Is this really your mother's ring?" There was no more sarcasm in her voice.

"Yeah… my father gave her before their wedding"

"And they agreed for you to give it away?"

Their eyes met and Derek knew Meredith had told nothing about his loss.

"My dad died and… he wanted me to have it"

Anything was going through Cristina's head… she didn't say anything, she didn't show anything. She just rolled the ring though her fingers and then set it back in the box.

"It's a family ring. Your father gave it to your mother and you'll give it to Meredith. You shouldn't change anything for me"

It was what Derek thought too. But things were more complicated for him. He knew that ring, it had a story. Meredith could just see it as a piece of gold and a stone. But… maybe he had underestimated her. Meredith was a refined woman, she didn't take much care of herself as she didn't have time but she was fancy and refined. She would love the ring. Maybe she would be scared for what it represented. Sheperd to Sheperd. Mrs. Michael Sheperd to mrs. Derek Sheperd. But she would like it. Derek's heart filled with warmth and gratitude. Cristina Yang didn't know, but she had relieved a stone from his stomach, now he knew what to do.

"It's what I thought too… Thank you"

"You're welcome"

She stood up and he set the ring back in the safe on his labcoat. Cristina was still looking at him and he sensed there was something else she wanted to say. He didn't know why she didn't. Yang wasn't the type to hold her tongue in place.

"Why did you change your mind?"

"Meredith and I… we talked. We made up… I guess you know it…. It felt good to take part in this… She'll be happy about it"

"I'd like to be so confident too"

"Just be…" Cristina smiled and Derek felt an unsaid promise in her words "I'll see you later for Dunn's dismissal"

She closed the door and Derek was left in the silence again.

* * *

Meredith had been sitting for ten minutes on the couch in the waiting area. She was fidgeting with her clock nervously. She hadn't been so nervous since she was paged to discuss her contract. The Chief was late. And it was bad. Or it could be good. This could end up in a briefing with tea and pastries or in a blood bath. She really couldn't read the signs. Patricia was guarding the door like a drake… well… more like a owl … she sometimes took a look at Meredith, checking her.

Meredith didn't know what to do with herself. She was trying to get why she had put herself in such a mess. One… two… three… good… the right thing to do. It didn't look so right right now. She needed to stay calm, eventually explain her reasons…

If she had reasons…

She was distracted by the ringing of Patricia's phone, the secretary picked the receiver up and all Meredith could get was "Sure, dr. Webber". Then the old woman stood up and walked to her, Meredith was ready before she got close. Patricia gave her a smile and told her "Dr. Webber is ready to receive you now". She went back behind her desk and Meredith knocked to the door. The chief invited her to go in and she did. He was, like usual, sitting behind his table, a mountain of papers spread on the surface in a complete mess. Meredith approached shyly and Webber wasn't doing anything to make her feel better. He was still focused on the documents under his nose and mumbled a "Sit, dr. Grey" without even looking up and greeting her. Bad… this was bad. Meredith played with her fingers till Richard looked up and their eyes met.

"Excuse me… Adele wanted me to check this…" He smiled finally "I was sure I had already but she says no so… you know… women are always right" they both smiled and Webber took a folder from the pile on his left. "So… has dr. Sheperd talked to you?"

"Not officially"

Webber looked up, probably he hadn't clear what she meant for officially. He frowned and set his glasses on the table. Meredith felt encouraged to go on. "I mean… we talked yesterday… but he didn't tell me anything today or here, in the hospital"

"Actually there was no need to do it… You know, Meredith, I think it's better I get to the point quickly. There will be no punishment for you for what happened yesterday" Meredith couldn't help but breathing out, which didn't go unnoticed to Richard. "you won't get suspended and I won't put you in probation. Dr. Sheperd didn't ask for it and I don't find it necessary due to the circumstances. This doesn't mean what you did wasn't deeply wrong"

Meredith's face hardened, she tried to get ready for a new argument and preach.

"The fact is that, probably, everything spin out of control. There was too much pressure on you, on me, on Derek… on anyone. And when pressure is much, it's easy to do mistakes, to do the wrong analyses and evaluation. Have you meditated on what happened?"

"Yes…"

Webber looked at Meredith and he knew her well enough to say she wasn't repented. The young woman in front of him was an idealist, a lot like her mother used to be. He felt like he should ask her more, he was her boss after all. But he didn't want. There was something else he wanted to make clear today.

And it was difficult as it implied to step into Derek's and Meredith's private life. Again.

Richard had promised himself not to do it after he discovered their affair. It had been very difficult at first. He had woken up from career saving surgery and the first image his eyes had sent to his brain was Derek stroking Meredith's cheek in a hallway. His favorite student, a guy he considered almost like a son, a doctor he had entrusted all his life letting him operating on his tumor, a man he knew to be divorcing but not yet divorced, was having a romance with Meredith Grey, the closest thing he had to a daughter. A woman whose family life had been upset by his own romance with Ellis, letting her lonely to be raised by a lonely and bitter woman, the remains of the woman he had loved and broken. It was a hard blow. And Richard had lashed out on Derek.

He had chosen Burke over him for temporary chief, he had openly told him the reasons he didn't want to give him definitive Chief. The truth was that Derek had been able to do what he couldn't: stop a marriage which was nothing but pain and built a new life with the woman he loved. And Richard had never been doubtful on that. Derek loved Meredith completely and truthfully. Even when he was still married to Addison, his heart was somewhere else. He had continued loving her when she had walked away, when she had given hope and then screwed it, when she played the keep and go strategy. He had suffered a lot, Webber well remembered his days at the trailer, when Derek looked to have nothing to hope for. He had been even scared he could leave, go settle roots somewhere else. But things rolled good someway and now they were one of the most envied couples of Seattle Grace, of all Seattle maybe.

Sheperd's name was one of the brightest in town, he was a world renown neurosurgeon, well paid. And his angel face helped a lot in the big world.

But Webber also knew that behind that appearance of easy, cheerful guy, Derek hid a pain impossible to erase, an experience which had permanently changed his being. He had always wondered how he could not talk about it. Nobody of his colleges, but Sloan of course, suspected anything. This was probably the trade mark of this generation. Everybody minded his own business. They didn't care to know why one of their friend was mother or father less. They just didn't do questions. And Meredith was the queen of it. She didn't like to make questions mostly like she didn't want to receive them. It was connected… But it was time to push something.

"It looks to me that you don't deny what you did… I kind of expected it" Webber sank in his chair and Meredith wondered if this would change the no punishment line. Maybe the chief expected her to apologize profusely, to admit her wrongs.

"Dr. Webber… I regret something of what I did. But nothing has to do with my job. I know it may sound ridiculous and arrogant from me but… I just felt out of line all the case… I didn't get the point of saving a man for having him executed. We wasted time and money and efforts we could devote to other people. I feel bad when I say this but it's what I think"

"I know… and you're not the only one. You're young, dr. Grey. Your career is about to start. You'll find yourself in this situation a lot of times again. And I tell you this… some day, you'll change your mind. And it's not because your idea of death penalty will change. I don't know how you feel about it now… maybe you are for maybe you are against. But after a life spent in saving lives and losing them… you'll think differently. Every life has its pros. From what we know, mr. Dunn could get a grace last minute. We had to make sure he was treated properly, It's not on us what comes next. But I get that this case was borderline. I had to know better… I had to keep you out of it… keep Derek out of it" Richard referred to them using their first names and Meredith got the conversation was moving to other levels. Webber was giving her an apologetic look, he felt awkward and she sensed it "I just thought you could support him and… it blew on your faces"

"I didn't know… he told me later… about his father. But to my fault, it didn't change anything"

"It depends on what he told you"

Webber's voice was deep and throaty, like he perfectly knew what he was talking about. Meredith slapped herself mentally. Her story with Webber clouded everything else, apparently even her judgment. After Richard left her mother and Seattle, he tried to build up his new life in New York. Where he met Derek, a very young Derek. How young? Her brain started to process… Her father left when she was five, so… nearly twenty five years ago. From what her mother told her (not she knew she was her daughter when she spilled it out in her Alzheimer's moments), their affaire went on some years, 3 or 4 she would say, the Richard broke it and left some month later. He was already in New York when Derek's father died, Derek was in his first years on internship so… everything matched. Webber knew. Maybe this was even the reason of his close relationship with Derek. Could she get more information from Richard?

"Not much to tell the truth"

"He never talks about what happened. But I was sure he would with you"

"Maybe he thinks I'm too screwed up myself to bear his own screws" she looked around and when her eyes settled on Webber again, his look was sharper than before. "I'm sorry… for the language…"

"I feel guilty for assigning him this case. I had to know better… Your problems were my fault too. And it's not a news" Meredith felt embarrassed, Richard had always been present in her life, discreetly since she was a resident in SG, he had given her advice and suggestions, he had tried to be a father to her before she told him not to. And now he was openly admitting his interference in their lives. Probably he had pressed even Derek. "I always end up making mistakes with Derek. I have this rare habit to forget and ignore his needs…"

"Chief… we work for you. You have every right to dispose of our work as you like, it's not your problem if we are messed up"

"It's my concern too"

"But it shouldn't…"

"You're wrong, Meredith. If you'll ever want to become Chief someday, keep this in mind. Everyone can handle good surgeons, the difference between a good chief and a bad one is that the good knows his people perfectly, he knows when to ask and then to let go, he knows where to press and where to yield. I shouldn't have asked Derek to take care of a serial killer. I shouldn't have asked you to treat a girl who shot his father. This was bad judgment, your failures were mine" Silence stretched and Meredith saw a very tired man in front of her. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted to get something from this situation.

"Would you tell me the whole story… the story Derek won't tell me?"

Webber diverted his eyes and Meredith knew the answer before he said it loud.

"It's not my story to tell"

"Ok"

There was something definitive in the way he talked and Meredith got their meeting was over, she didn't wait to be disbanded, this wasn't a boss to worker speech anymore, it was something else. Step father to fake daughter… something like that. She stood up and left the office. The situation was more screwed than she thought. Apparently truth was worse than she thought. Webber and Mark had refused to tell her anything. What was worse than a killed father? Apparently something was. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket and found three missed calls from Derek. He was worried. The Chief hadn't shared his intentions with him. She typed him a sms as he was in surgery and reassured him. She even found one call from Cristina but didn't lose time to answer or call back, she knew where she could find her this time of the day.

* * *

Meredith entered the cafeteria, immediately spotting her friends in a corner. She queued to buy lunch, a salad and an apple on her tray. She marched quickly to the table where Alex and Cristina were having a medical discussion.

"There is no way Sloan would let you suture a boob" Cristina chewed her sandwich and Meredith sat, taking her last sentence.

"She's right. It's not a pleasure he would leave to anyone else"

"He did instead. I think he likes teaching me"

He bit his own sandwich, his face spreading satisfaction from every pore. That was what Meredith loved of this job. They could work 16 hours a day, standing the whole time, practicing unpleasant exams on patients, standing rude people, but this was their reward. Some minute of glory in the OR, doing doctors, surgeons. It could be three minutes out of a day, but it changed perspective on everything.

She smiled to everyone and opened her salad, flowing it with sauce and salt. Cristina was looking at her and she sensed the question coming.

"Everything's ok?"

"Yeah… you were right … I didn't get punished or suspended. Nothing at all"

She started to eat looking around, Sloan was sitting with Lexie, they were out in the light now, no more secret dates, Derek was nowhere to be found.

"So what was the purpose of the meeting?"

"Just talking. The Chief wasn't happy but decided not to kick my ass"

Cristina wasn't sure about that, Meredith got it from the way she was looking at her. But she pleaded her with her eyes to let it go. "Have you seen Derek?"

Yang shook her head and it was Alex who answered.

"I read his name on the board. There was a pile up and he had a craniotomy. Bad one from what I heard"

"That's not right! I spent the whole morning in the pit and nothing. As soon as I leave we have a massive pile up… "

"Your oldie is fine by the way…" Cristina spoke looking away, her voice lazy.

"Who?"

"The woman with chest pains you admitted this morning. Your intern brought tests to Altman and I took a look. She has nothing. But the wish to get you stitched"

Meredith rolled her eyes and Alex frowned.

"Does she have a hot nephew for you?"

"No, she was concerned of my personal life and we made conversation"

"And she told her to hook Sheperd"

"Cristina…"

"And you're thinking about it?" Alex looked concerned but Meredith had lost her patience. Possible marriage with Derek was not something she wanted to discuss in the cafeteria with tons of nurses ready to over ear.

"The only thing I want is eating this crap as it's going to be the last thing I eat till tonight. I don't want philosophy or heart to heart discussions. Can you do that?"

"No problem" Cristina's voice was flat

"Calm down, Mer. I don't want to piss you. Just don't tell me for tomorrow if I need to start looking for a new house"

"You don't"

"You'll live with the newlywed, enjoy porno movies for free every night" Cristina grinned and Alex shivered.

"Cristina… he won't need to move out as we will"

"What?"

"When and if we decide to get married or when and if we decide we want more privacy, we'll move in the land, let you in my house"

"Really?"

"Yes, I won't kick you out"

"Thank you"

"So… did all the pile up patients get surgery or I can hope for a hot case today?"

"Don't know… sewing boobs, remember?"

"There were some down in general with Bailey, doing check up and CT. Maybe you'll help"

"And you?"

"I'm still on Dunn" their eyes met and Cristina suddenly smiled brightly "and I have a heart transplant tomorrow"

"You bitch!"

"Sorry if Altman can't operate without me"

"Maybe she wants to take an eye on you…" Alex slurred and both girls looked at him "She thinks you're peeing on her shoes"

"Shut up, Karev. I can keep my bladder under control. And I took nothing hers"

"But you took something, hum?" his eyebrows twitched mischievously and Cristina got he had trapped her.

"Why do you care?"

"Come on… we're friends"

"We're not"

Both Alex and Meredith eyed her surprised. It was Meredith who tried to speak.

"Cristina…"

"Don't give me that look, Mer. We are friends, you live together. He and I work together. End of the story. I don't mean to talk of my private things with him. Ask nurses if you want" She took her tray and stood up, walking away. Alex was laughing but Meredith was thunderstruck.

"Why the hell do you laugh?"

"Nothing… It was fun"

"It wasn't. Why did you startle her?"

"I wanted to know if the rumors were true"

"Which rumors?"

"About her and a trauma surgeon… But you know it… how would you not…"

"Things are complicated with Cristina. You should pay more respect to her feelings"

"Like she does with mine"

Meredith's eyes narrowed dangerously but her pager went off and she took a look. She stood up without saying anything and left.

* * *

Cristina was walking down the hall stretching her neck, it was stiffened and it hurt. Fortunately today she hadn't surgeries and her shift was going to end in an hour. She had left Dunn's room half an hour ago, filled all the papers Sheperd had signed and said goodbye. Now it was up to guards to prep him to go away. Luckily he had been calm the whole day, enjoyed the hotdog Joe had prepared him, given some smile. It was over and she thanked everything had gone smoothly.

She had to spent the remaining hour studying the following day harvest. She had already prepared all the tests and labs in a conference room and she meant to close in there. Hopefully her pager would stay silent. She turned around the corner and nearly bumped in Owen.

"Hey…"

"Hey… are you going home?"

"No, I have another hour. I'm going to study my surgery with Teddy"

"Heart transplant, I heard… Congratulations…"

"Thank you"

"So you're not mad at me…"

"Why would I?"

"Well… I haven't seen you the whole day. I even wrote you a message and you didn't answer so… I was afraid you were mad"

"I'm not"

"Cristina…"

"Look, we don't need to talk about it anymore. It was a bad day, it was a bad evening. It happens. Just let it go, ok?"

"Ok… so… will I have the pleasure to ask you out again?"

"If you want"

"Of course I want…" They reached a hidden corner and Hunt pulled Cristina's arm and closed her waist his with hands "I like you and I'm sorry if last night I proved differently. I didn't mean to be careless and hurt you… I'm sorry"

"I know… it's fine" Owen smiled and they parted, he cocked his head to one side and Cristina wondered what he was thinking. "What?" He smirked and pulled his cell out of his pocket, Cristina saw him typing a message and press the send button.

"Check your cell and see" He was still smirking and Cristina decided to play his game. She slipped her hand in the pocket she used to keep her telephone but found nothing. She tapped the other and the one in front of her labcoat but nothing, a frown appearing on her face. "What?"

"I can't find it…"

"Oh… come on. If you don't want to read it in front of me just say it…" His voice was light though and Cristina snorted and opened her arms

"I really can't find it, you genius" She tried once again her pockets and finally stopped looking up.

"What?"

"I left it in Dunn's room"

"What?"

"I was writing on his chart and you sent me your message. I put it on the tray and left it there"

"Well… I don't think you'll find it anymore"

"I go and check… he should be gone by now and guards wouldn't allow him to pick up a phone"

She walked away and Owen spoke to her back.

"I wait for your answer"

She turned around and smiled to him.

"I say yes"

She walked away and Owen felt relieved. Cristina was really a wonderful woman. Any other would walk miles away after the rag he played. It was clear he had issues, lot of issues. He had pushed her against a shelf, showed up drunk on her door. Not the best card to say it simply. But she wanted to give him another chance and he would make the damned sure this date was going to be perfect. He needed help though. He had been out of town for years and he didn't know restaurants and fancy places anymore. Maybe Sheperd could help him in this, he looked like a guy who could help him. He smiled to himself and headed to the surgery wing making sure to mask his happiness.

* * *

Another doctor was walking self satisfied down the hallways. Cristina was happy. Owen Hunt was a man who really intrigued her. He was gorgeous, complicated, intense, a little bit screwed up. She thought he could like him. Well… she already did. The point was that if they could build something more. Step by step, little by little. She didn't want to end up hurt again, she had surrendered once to a man and it ended bad, she ended dumped on the altar. She needed to be careful this time, for her care and his too. The both of them had dark sides, issues and fears, they needed to be slow, take one step at a time. She was curious to read his invitation, he surely wanted to make up for the first failure, he wanted to impress her and this was full of promises. She turned at the end of the corridor and noticed there was nobody in front of Dunn's room. He had left then. She opened the door resolutely, quickly scanned the room and spotted her cell in the place she remembered to have left it. She approached the tray and inserted her pin, the little screen brightening up. She saw the new message notice and scrolled down the list to enter it, a small smile stretching her lips taking the words Owen had texted her. She turned down to leave but something caught her attention. Something which really looked like… it couldn't be. She bent forward to take a look but everything went black before her suspects could find confirmation.

* * *

Meredith's expectations had been frustrated. To her misfortune, when she got back to the pit every surgical case had been already treated or assigned. She had tons of patients though. With scratches, cuts, burns… a total mess. She tried to do her best, all these people needed to be taken care of. She had lost count of sutures and stitches she had done. And the list was going to grow longer and longer as nobody was there to help her.

Alex was busy with his boobs, Cristina was probably preparing for her transplant, Izzie had her day off, George was with Bailey, Derek seemed to be performing the third craniotomy in seven hours… everybody was having a great day of medicine and she was stuck in the pit. Maybe this was her punishment after all. Or maybe Webber thought she needed a day to relax, to stretch out and the pit was sure the place to do it. She refined her last stitch on the man's forearm and put needle and gloves on the tray near her stool.

"Here we go…" she raised her eyes and smiled to the man. "It's done"

"Thank you, dr. Grey" He took a look to the sutured skin "Wow… it's hot"

"You'll need to come here in four days to take stitches out. I'll prescribe you a pain killer and an antibiotic just in case. The wound was clean but it's better not to take any risk" She scribbled something on her pad and unhitched the prescription "Here it is"

"You have a good writing"

"Thank you"

"Usually doctors write unreadable stuff. You don't know if it's a habit or if they do it on purpose not to have you understand"

"I guess it's the first one…" Meredith stood and the man too, he stretched his good hand and Meredith shook it

"Thank you, dr. Grey"

"It was a pleasure… see you soon"

She smiled to the man again and she picked up the remains of treatments and dirty gloves and used syringes. She threw everything in the closest bin and went to the nurses station.

"Here is mr. Dent's chart. I dismissed him"

"Thank you, dr. Grey"

"Anyone else waiting?"

"No, we have a break if God wants. Dr. Grey is stitching up the last guy over there, dr. Hail is treating burns over there, paramedics said maybe we'll get someone else in half an hour but, for now, the pit is clear"

"Ok, I go and take some water. I'll be back in ten minutes. Page if you need me"

"Sure, dr. Grey"

Meredith pushed the door open, the chaos of the pit immediately fading behind the doors. The vending machine was luckily empty and she bought a mineral water. She sat on a chair and opened the bottle, the sparkles twitching her nose. She liked this sensation… the sparkles… it was the only reason she bought mineral water instead of regular. It was stupid she knew, you should drink something as you like the flavor not as it cheers you up. But that was her secret, she didn't like mineral water, she liked the sparkles once opened the cap. She took a sip anyway enjoying the quiet and peace of this corner. Her pocket boozed and she breathed out. Apparently paramedics had been quicker than expected. She took her pager but it was blank, the vibration continued… her cell. She picked it off her pocket, opening it with the only free hand. Cristina had sent her a message. Probably a joking message, laughing her ass off as she had a fancy surgery and she was playing the helping nurse. She pressed the button and the text appeared on the screen. Meredith's eyes took the image in front of them and she closed the cell irritated. What the hell passed in Cristina's brain? She had scolded her yesterday, told her she had done a stupid thing with Dunn. And now this… _"Dunn's leaving, wants to say goodbye. Wait you in his room" _Maybe she had to forget it, pretend she hadn't read it in time. This wasn't a good idea, Derek would get mad, Webber would get mad. She was out of the case. But… Derek had been gentle with William today, he had accorded him stuff, maybe he wouldn't mind a quick goodbye. She watched her clock. She had to be back in the pit in five minutes. Dunn's room was one hallway down, two minutes. She had time… She marched quickly till she got to the door… no guard out, apparently she was late. She went in and stopped in the middle of the room. Everything was empty, no Dunn, no guards, no Cristina. She took her cell to text her friend a message but she heard the door closing behind her back, she turned around and froze on the spot.

"Mr. Dunn…" He was still in his gown, but it was not what rang a bell in Meredith's brain. Where the hell were the guards? Why was he alone? Panic started to fill her heart as William blocked the door with a table "What the hell are you doing?"

"Gaining us some privacy…" he smiled and Meredith watched horrified while he fixed a paper on the glass, preventing anyone to see from outside in. There was something terribly wrong in this… terribly… terribly… And where was Cristina?

"Where is Cristina?" she was yelling at him but adrenaline was rushing in her veins like a wave

"In the bathroom" his voice was awfully calm instead, icy. Meredith turned on her heals and entered the bathroom. Her eyes narrowed in horror as she saw her best friend on the floor, waking up. She kneeled close to her and shrugged her shoulder gently "Cristina?"

"What the hell happened?" She tried to stand but lost balance, Meredith saw she was bleeding from her head and closed an arm under her armpits helping her up.

"Come and sit" she took her to the main room and helped her down on a stool. She turned to take some ice from the basin when she saw something horrible under the bed. Her breath hitched in her throat and she heard a devil laugh filling the room. She looked up and Dunn was walking towards her.

"I hadn't time to settle stuff better…"

"What did you do?"

"Buy me some extra time with my favorite ladies"

"They're dead?"

Even Cristina noticed two bodies lying on the floor, hidden under the bed. She remembered something had caught her attention right before passing out. She had probably seen a foot, a corpse. She closed her eyes, her head was spinning again.

"Good remark, doctor Grey. Now take care of her and shut up" He turned around and went back to the door, building more barricades. Cristina coughed and Meredith looked back at her. She pressed a dressing on her head and Cristina winced.

"Why are you here?"

"You texted me…" Cristina looked at her confused and Meredith got everything. She turned around and she saw Dunn with Cristina's cell, grinning wickedly at them.

"Surprise… I needed you here"

"What do you want? Open that door, people will notice we've disappeared"

"It's what I want. Even if I guess they'll notice first I've closed the door rather than you and your friend are missing"

"Mr. Dunn…"

"Shut up" Meredith's legs risked to give out, that man was not the patient she treated in the last days, he was evil and his eyes were full of hate.

"Meredith…" she looked down and Cristina shook her head. She sank on the stool next to her friend, their fingers intertwining.


	8. CAN'T FIGHT BIOLOGY PART 1

_We are getting to the point here... _

_I've divised this chapter and hope you'll enjoy it like this._

_R & R, I need to know you are in it!_

* * *

Richard exited the elevator quickly. He wanted to get rid of police, Caldwell guards and their prisoner as soon as possible. William Dunn had given a lot of advertising to SGH, not the kind he wanted though. Since the news of the prisoner in hospital spread, he had to answer dozens of phone calls and was even invited to a talk show. Like it was his fault that man was condemned to death penalty. His doing and the treatments his hospital provided were put under strict monitoring from Dunn's lawyers, everyone was trying to find an excuse to stop the execution and Richard wanted to forget this circus. He was now leading the head of Caldwell down to his room so that he could finally bring him back to prison. No more handcuffs and irons in his hospital, no more armed people, no more gossip and people demonstrating outside the doors. He had to increase the security level in the last days. He couldn't allow lonely heroes to enter the hospital to try to rescue Dunn, he couldn't allow mistakes and they had done none. But this story had cost him some extra budget charges and the board had been really nervous and touchy, mr. Jennings breathing down his neck every morning and evening trying to get news on the possible dismissal. It was time now. They entered the restricted area he had erected and mr. Falks snorted.

"What the hell…" the man muttered some other word Richard couldn't get and picked his radio out of his pocket. The Chief finally noticed there was nobody guarding the room. The door looked closed and this was really strange.

"What…" the man put a restraining hand on his chest and Richard stopped, sensing the tension radiating from his guest. Mr. Falks tried to tune the frequency, the radio croaked in protest. He adjusted it and talked in the microphone.

"Fred… Jason… this is Falks . Can you give me your position, please?" He released the button but only a buzz answered his question. He repeated the message "Fred… Jason… are you in the room?" The door of the restricted area opened and Richard saw more officers coming in.

"Boss… we're ready outside"

"Something is wrong, everyone on his place" before Richard could understand what this meant, officers took place in the corridor, displaying guns and making signs to each other. One pushed Richard in a corner and all of them looked at mr. Falks trying to open the door. He pushed sometimes but it didn't budge. He knocked energetically. "This is Falks , open the door, right now!"

Silence.

Mr. Falks waited for over a minute and then knocked again.

"Fred… Jason… can you hear me? Are you inside?"

Something moved in the room and Richard's mouth fell agape when Dunn shifted the paper covering the window and his face appeared in a place it shouldn't be.

"Yes, they are here" his lips were a thin line and Richard started to feel really upset. Somehow that man had taken control of the situation, overwhelmed two armed guards and was now barricading in his room. "Dunn… open the door"

The answer was a cold laugh which sent chills down the present spines.

"Open this damned door… What do you think you're doing? You have no way out from here, this place is circled and there's no way you'll leave"

"I don't want to leave indeed. I just want to stay here some more time. Remember… I asked you and you said no. I had to take my extra time myself"

"Come out and we'll talk about it"

"No offence, Falkie . I won't. I'm going to tell you what we're doing. You'll tell your guys to stay away from here, nobody tries to come in or I'll take retaliations"

"William…"

"Look, don't take this personally, ok? I want to stay here a little bit, I have something to settle. Once I'm done, I'll come out like a good boy, ok?"

"Who's there with you?"

"What does it matter?"

"I just want to be sure everyone is ok…"

"Your guys are with me" Richard breathed out in relief, apparently this mess didn't involve anyone of his people.

"Let me talk to them"

"Impossible" Their eyes met and Falks saw a spark of evil shining in Dunn's eyes. It was a death sentence. Already declared. He wondered who else was there with that man. "Go away now if you don't want me to exercise my cutting talents. And I swear, Falks, don't try anything or you'll repent. I'll call you" Dunn's disappeared and the glass became blind, a paper filling the area. All the officers got close and the man barked orders.

"Hayl, close all entrances to this hallway, north and south. I don't want anyone in, none of you. You'll guard the doors and we'll keep in contact with radios. No unauthorized actions, even if someone comes out of that door, don't do anything before I tell you. I want eight men here, the others out. Brig, come with me, we'll follow dr. Webber in his office and, please, no word of what's happening here has to come out. Let's go" Officers started to take position and Richard felt alone in his hospital. Someone pulled his labcoat. It was Falks . "Please, lead me to your office".

He didn't wait for further invitation, he marched out of that hallway without looking back. He needed air, he needed space. This was a new crisis he had to face, this was even worse than the bomb in the OR. That had been an accident, here… a man had actually taken hostages in his hospital. A murderer. There was no way this could end good. He tried to ignore the strange looks he was getting, his staff was noticing the two officers following him strictly. He tried to ignore even the voice which was calling him.

"Chief…"

It was Bailey

"Not now"

"But Chief…"

"Not now Bailey"

"It's our patient"

Her voice was insistent and he turned on his heels and shouted on her face

"And I said not now!"

Bailey's face hardened, he had clearly surprised her. In a bad way. Offended her. He looked around and saw people clearly looking at them, he looked back at Bailey, her chart still in her hands. He couldn't do this alone, not now, not this time. The day of the man bomb he nearly had a heart attack. He needed help. He swallowed and talked softly.

"Come with me, please"

He didn't wait for an answer and entered his office followed by the two men, Bailey was still on the same spot. She was furious. How did he dare to treat her like this? But she controlled her feelings as something was really off with the Chief. And who were those men? She decided to go over her pride and entered the room. There was a animated conversation going on. One of the policeman was talking resolutely to Webber.

"I need all the plans of that wing"

A told story

"I need to know what was in that room, treatments, equipments… everything he may use"

A bell rang in Miranda's head. She approached the chief's table, he was still standing behind it.

"Chief…"

"Excuse me, but who are you?"

The man talked to her aggressively, something was definitely going on.

"She's dr. Bailey and I asked her to join us"

"Ok, if she can keep her mouth shut"

"I can do it. If someone explains me what the hell is going on"

The man's radio chose that moment to buzz and mr. Falks walked away.

"Chief…"

"Dunn barricaded in his room, he took the guards hostages…"

"What? How did it happen?"

"I don't know"

"Excuse me, it was the general attorney. Dr. Webber… I want to be frank to you. It's the way I use to work. I know Dunn from years and I have the suspect… nearly the certainty… that my guards are dead"

"What?" Bailey and Webber talked simultaneously.

"Why don't you just go in there and take him out then?" Bailey's question echoed in the room and Richard got the worry in the officer's eyes. He wasn't going to like what was coming.

"He could have other hostages we don't know about"

Silence fell in the room and Richard sank in his chair. That was what he feared. His face lost color and the officer's voice grew more concerned and soft. "Could you tell me who were the people authorized to enter Dunn's room?"

Richard's brain started to work, he needed to be focused, he needed to close feelings out.

"Just his doctors"

"No nurse or any staff member?'"

"No. You said just doctors and it's what I did"

"How many people are we talking about?"

"Four"

"We could page them here…" Bailey's voice entered the conversation, it was grave and worried.

"Would they answer even if their shift is over?"

"Always"

"Do it then"

Webber took his pager and sent messages to his four doctors : Hunt, Sheperd, Grey and Yang.

He set the black box on the table massaging his temples. The headache was killing him.

Bailey couldn't stand to stay there like this, she needed to do something, she needed to be sure they all were ok. This nightmare had to be over soon.

"I'm going to take a look in the locker room and in the lounge. I'll be back in five minutes"

She walked away and nobody had the courage to stop her.

* * *

Derek had changed into his street clothes. His day had been full of surgeries and his body was screaming in protest. He was used to long shifts and standing for hours and hours, but he hadn't slept well the previous nights and tiredness was kicking in. All his muscles ached, his neck hurt like it was cracked. He needed a long and bubbly bath. For his misfortune it looked like he was going to occupy the tube by himself. Meredith hadn't answered his messages and his last call. After their short meeting in the pit in the morning, they hadn't seen each other. The pile up had messed up with their schedules and she was probably caught in some OR. He sent her a last text and pushed the button to get an elevator. He was stretching his neck as he felt a presence behind him. He turned to the left, the big body of Hunt towering him.

"I'm happy we're friends, you know?"

Owen looked at him oddly, arching his eyebrows.

"Me too"

"You're a big man to fight with"

He looked Owen from down up and Owen got his joke. He giggled.

"I'm more tender then you think"

"Well, you hide it good"

The elevator's doors opened and they both stepped in.

"Are you going home?"

"Yeah, thank God. I've been here for 14 hours. I had a spinal reconstruction in the morning and three craniotomies no stop today. I just want to drown in my bed"

"I have the same plan… an hour and I'll be out of here. I have just this meeting with the chief to sort out"

Silence feel in the elevator but it wasn't awkward, it was pleasant. After a day of noises, orders and voices all doctors longed for silence and rest.

They pagers had a different opinion though. They went off together. Derek rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on…" He fished his out of his briefcase and looked at it. "Hadn't you a meeting with the chief?"

"Yes… and apparently I'm late. It's him"

"He pages me too" Derek snorted setting his pager back in his pocket

"Webber doesn't know when it's too much"

"It's never too much for him. He lives for the hospital and expects you to do the same. What was your meeting about?"

The doors opened and they both stepped out, heading slowly to the chief's office.

"Just some trauma stuff… a plan to raise our ranking quickly"

"So why does it concern me?"

"I have no idea"

"I just hope he doesn't want us to go downtown with big signs advertising SGH is the best"

"He won't go that far"

Derek eyed him to tell differently, Webber had suffered a real shock after the new rankings, he also knew he put a lot of confidence in Hunt. He was different from any other college Derek had ever met. He was a man of action, he didn't give a crap of procedures and protocols, he wasn't scared to pee on other's shoes as he wasn't part of the hospital underworld. He was paid to do a job and he did it. That was all. He never cared of pissing someone off, including fellow attendings. Diplomacy and politically correct were words which didn't belong to his vocabulary. And it was something Derek appreciated. Sometimes he felt he had lost it, the primal enthusiasm, the adrenaline, the inner motivation. It was still there, but it was mixed with ambition, pride, all things which brought out the worst part of him. Hunt had been his last bell and he had heard it loud and clear. Since their first fight, he felt he had changed. And it hoped it was for good. After a period of professional disillusion, he felt he was back to his old self. He didn't bent in front of compromises anymore, he didn't lose time with flattering people and doctors who just wanted to take advantage from his presence and friendship. His main concern were patients and nothing more. Maybe he could lose something in the short run, he could lose occasions and awards, but it didn't matter. He had taken an oath to save lives and this was all he wanted to do.

"Webber counts a lot on you"

Owen looked at him like he had gone crazy

"On me?"

"Yes. You're new, you were out of the market for long, you don't kiss asses and have second meanings"

"And you have instead?"

"No, but I'm with Meredith…"

"And…"

"Richard wants me to take care of her"

"He thinks you doesn't?"

"If I was chief, I wouldn't"

Owen's face said it all.

"It's fine. I made a reason of it. And I like my job"

They finally arrived out of Richard's office and knocked, someone opened the door but both doctors were surprised to see an officer in front of them and another in the mid of the room.

"Who are you?"

The man's voice was harsh and Derek and Owen exchanged a look.

"We are dr. Sheperd and Hunt… dr. Webber paged us here"

The man steeped to the side and they could go in. Derek noticed Richard's face was a mask of worry and concern, he had sighed seeing them.

"Richard… what's going on?"

"It's better you sit, Derek"

Sheperd looked around, there was mr. Falks and mr. Falks shouldn't be here, he was supposed to be taking Dunn back to Caldwell. Derek walked to Webber and looked at him straight in the eye.

"Richard… is something wrong with Dunn?"

He didn't need an answer when Richard looked away. Yes, something was wrong.

* * *

Nothing in the cafeteria, nothing in the Ors she had checked one by one, nothing in the locker room. Bailey started to feel panic raise in her stomach. A nurse told her dr. Grey had left the pit to buy some water and she hadn't come back. But she hadn't so… maybe she was somewhere else. Fear got worse when she found Altman in a conference room studying the CTs and scans of the following day transplant. Yang had prepared everything but Teddy was there for half an hour and hadn't seen her. Miranda decided it was better to go back to Richard's office where, she was sure, both Meredith and Cristina were waiting.

She walked fast sending glances left and right in search of the two residents, but nothing. She was in sight of the Chief's office where Mark's deep voice echoed in her ears.

"What's going on, Bailey?"

"Nothing"

"Still you're running like a horse left and right. Have you a secret mission for the chief?"

"Nothing you need to care about"

"Oh come on, Bailey… I thought you grew to like me"

She didn't turn around but she could feel his steps behind her, he was following her but she couldn't stop. She needed to see Grey and Yang in that office.

"Sloan, just stay out of this, please"

Her voice cracked in the middle of the sentence and Mark's expression changed. His grin disappeared from his face.

"Are you ok?"

"No"

Miranda felt really stupid, she was crying, actually crying. She had nothing to cry about but she was. She needed to find relief, she needed to find everything was ok, she opened the door of Webber's office uninvited.

* * *

Derek was still looking at Richard, but his teacher had troubles meeting his eyes. Nobody wanted to tell him what was going on and his mind was filling with horrible thoughts. It couldn't be just a lawsuit coming… there was too much strain in the air to be it. What then? And why was Hunt here too? The door bumped open and everyone turned to look at it, there was Miranda on the door and her face was wet with tears. Her eyes scanned the room and then stopped on him.

She grew paler.

She didn't talk loud but Derek could get the words she whispered.

"Oh my God…"

Three words, three words and he could tell something was missing. He lost his patience and his voice raised in volume and anger,

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

Richard couldn't push his eyes to leave the library near his desk, he couldn't let go, he couldn't lose it. Someone else talked from him.

"Dr. Sheperd… please… calm down… we don't need other problems now"

"I could be more cooperative if someone told me what's happening"

Richard's bubble broke, he couldn't let a stranger inform Derek and Hunt of what was going on. He cleared his throat and everyone shut up.

"Dunn probably killed the guards. He closed in the room"

"What?" Owen nearly choked on his own words

"We have reason to fear he has taken hostages"

Derek made a step back, Richard's sentence was like a punch in the gut. His lips trembled and his words were whispers.

"Where's Meredith?"

Owen looked at him, Derek had lost color and now he got why. Apparently this was a question nobody wanted to answer. Sheperd didn't want to embrace the truth, he needed someone to tell it straight to his face.

"Richard… where are Meredith and Cristina?"

Richard looked at him and it was another slap.

"We don't know. I paged you all as soon as we got what had happened. You're here"

"And they are not" Bailey's voice was shaking, she approached Derek and stroke his arm. "I went to look for them myself…"

"Maybe they are in the basement and they didn't get the page" Nobody had noticed Mark, but he was in the room.

"Maybe"

Owen was massaging his eyes. He really couldn't believe it. He needed to say it but he couldn't. It was like breaking the last hope.

"Last time I saw Cristina she was going in his room… She had forgotten her cell there"

He looked up, the truth sinking in. Cristina was probably in Dunn's hands, the mere thought was driving him crazy.

"So we must assume at least dr. Yang is in the room"

And Meredith was too, Derek felt it. The world was falling on his shoulders, crushing him down. He took in a deep breath, he couldn't break down, he took another, his vision blurred. A hand touched his shoulder and someone pushed him onto the couch. He didn't mind to look whose arm was, he followed the stranger like a lost puppy, he hadn't enough strength to resist. His ears heard the others talking, Hunt on all.

"What do you plan to do?"

"Nothing"

"Excuse me?"

"Till we don't know who is in there, we won't do anything"

"He'll never come out of there by himself" Derek's words sounded distant but anyone turned to look at him "He'll never give up" Mr. Falks knew that, deep down, this doctor was right. But he needed to keep the situation in control.

"We don't know what he wants. But there's something I know about him. He's a exhibitionist, he wants attention. And he'll call to get it. We just need to be ready and give him what he wants to buy time"

* * *

Time looked to be frozen.

Meredith couldn't tell from how long they were sitting there, Cristina's head had stop bleeding and her friend was quiet. Incredulous. That was the right word. The both of them couldn't believe it. They were in the hospital, their hospital, their element. And they were captive. Of a crazy women slaughterer. Meredith flinched and her eyes rested on William. He was sitting on the floor, a gun in his left hand. He looked absent, like he was thinking. Maybe he was thinking to let them go. She needed to do something, maybe she could convince him, talk to him. She cleared her throat.

"William…" at the sound of her voice, Cristina's grip on her hand tightened.

"Uhm?" He didn't look up, he didn't watch her.

"I don't think this is worth"

"Why not?"

"What do you want to achieve?"

"You didn't listen when I told Falks?"

"This won't take you anywhere"

"You think?" He stood up and both Meredith and Cristina tensed "Do you think you know what I want?"

"I know that you're scared"

Meredith thought she had touched a nerve as he looked at her serious, but he burst out laughing and she was speechless.

"Oh God…"He stroked his eyes, his fingers gripping the pistol grip tighter. His eyes met hers and his face changed. "You don't get it, do you?" His voice lowered, a hiss snaking in the room, freezing Meredith on the spot. Apparently it was not enough as he got closer, Meredith instinctively backed against the wall, rigid and scared. He stood in front of her and gripped her chin.

"I was playing you. Your boyfriend was right. I wanted to destroy your career"

Cristina saw Meredith's eyes narrowing in fear and tried to come to her rescue.

"Let her go" Dunn's eyes moved lazily to Yang, his features betraying his intolerance towards the Asian doctor. "You're hurting her" Meredith thought he was going to kill them both, instead he let go of her face.

"It's not my purpose. But dr. Grey here thinks she knows me, she thinks I'm a battered guy. I'm not. I've never been. I didn't give a crap of that boy, I wanted to find a way to suspend the execution, I just wanted to live"

"You were scared, William" His pupils contracted but Meredith didn't stop "Death is scary. I would've been scared, too"

"I know… and maybe you'll be"

He turned on his heels and went back to the door. His last sentence had entered Cristina's brain.

"What do you want from us?"

"Nothing… You're just the key to get what I want. Do you know what I want, dr. Grey?"

"No"

"Come on… you're my doctor… Think about it"

"Do you want to leave?"

"No"

Meredith's mouth opened and then closed. She didn't know where this thing was going to lead them, she didn't know what this man wanted. But she was scared. And she felt guilty to Cristina. She had played the soft doctor all the time and this man had been taking fun of her, he had used her. And now they were in danger and it was her fault. There was something horrible in this man, every moment she spent in his presence, the more stupid she felt she trusted him and his change; he looked cold and calculator. What was he thinking? She wanted to stay silent but he was prompting her and she didn't want to bother him, make him more dangerous than he already was, turning him violent.

"Do you want to get a grace?"

"Not anymore"

This game was driving her crazy, she felt like a mouse in a trap. Her brain suggested her that she didn't want to know the truth.

"Ok… I tell you what I want. I want to be me. I spent here the last three days eating crap from anyone. I tried to be kind and cooperative but nobody gave me anything. And I'm thirsty" He stepped closer once again "since I saw you ladies I thought back of my girls…" he stroked her cheek and Meredith closed her eyes "I missed them so much… it was so quick and fast… I need to do it again… I want to drink blood again" he pressed the gun on Cristina's chest and she whimpered. Meredith begged for her.

"Please…"

"You were nice to me… stupid but nice… she was a pain in the ass instead"

"Don't hurt her"

He broke the contact with them both and stepped back.

"I'll see what I can do"

Meredith thought her heart could beat out of her chest, she couldn't speed down her breathing. She was going to iperventilate, she needed air, she needed to breathe. Fear was paralyzing her and she couldn't do anything to stop this feeling. She couldn't move her arms and legs, she tried to think to something good, something happy. Once someone told her it was useful… but that guy had blown up under her very eyes and she thought the suggestion was misleading. Derek… he was her only reference. Will he know? She had disappeared from an hour, his shift was supposed to be over and she knew he had a bad day. She hadn't time to check her phone as Dunn had taken it. He was actually playing with it right now. He looked up, just as he felt her stare, the cell still in his hand.

"Give me the hospital's number"

"I don't know it"

"You work here and you don't know who to call if you get a fever?"

"I call the chief usually"

"The Chief? It sounds like a good idea"

He pushed on her phone and Meredith supposed he was trying to find the contact. He pressed the cell to his ear.

* * *

Webber's office was as silent as a graveyard.

Richard was sitting behind his desk, his arms closed around his chest, his eyes cast down. He didn't know what to do. He knew he was the person in charge, he had to be available to help police, but now his mind was blank. He thought he had reached the bottom with the bomb in the OR, with the flow, but no crises he had experienced ever balanced this one. Two doctors, two female doctors, were hostage of a man who had marked Seattle's chronicles forever. He didn't know if they were fine, he didn't know if he could do something to help them. These kind of situations were complicated as authorities were not available to deals and that implied a big, enormous risk for the captives. And Richard was sure Dunn wouldn't blink twice before doing something terrible. He had shown to be heartless and cruel too many times.

He didn't dare to look up, he didn't dare to meet Derek's eyes. He was scared to see the same fear in his eyes. Richard couldn't think how he could possibly feel now. He didn't know if Meredith was fine and, supposed she was, he wasn't sure what would happen. It was a torturous thought and Derek felt it all on his skin. He sat in front of Richard's desk, his face hidden in his hands.

He couldn't afford to break down, not now, not in front of everyone.

He needed to stay lucid and try to do his best to help. Meredith could need him and there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. He had pushed Mark away. His hovering wasn't helping, it just made things worse, it just made this real. Sloan was now sitting on the couch with Bailey, the both of them looking to the floor.

Mr. Falks had agreed for them all to stay in the room, he had sensed they could help each other and God only knew how much they would need it.

The noise of Richard's phone ringing on the desk snapped them back to reality. Somehow they had forgotten where they were. Webber looked at the device like he forgot it was there. He breathed out, it could be Patricia, it could be a sponsor asking for a meeting, it could be a supplier promoting its products. And Richard didn't want to deal with any of them. He looked up and met Falks' eyes, the man nodded. Despite how difficult this was, they had to act normally for now, there was no need Webber wouldn't pick up the phone. If someone was looking for him, they would find him on the doorstep in minutes. And they needed privacy and quiet. He nodded again and Richard pressed the button to see the caller id. He didn't receive many calls from outside the hospital, every number was registered in his address book and he needed to know who was on the other line. His eyes narrowed as he recognized the origin of the call.

"It's Meredith"

Derek stood up, leaning on the table and Richard pressed the viva voice button.

"Thank God… Meredith… ?"

Nobody answered and Derek's relief turned into fear again when he heard someone breathing in the microphone, someone who definitely was not Meredith. A metallic voice sounded in the room.

"Hi… This is the voice mail of dr. Grey. She can't answer the phone right now, just leave a message. Beep"

Derek fell in the chair and Mr. Falks approached the desk.

Webber's heart had filled with anger. That man was taking fun of them. He had two women and he joked. His voice grew firm and deep.

"Who's there?"

"You know who I am … and I know who you are … even though you didn't find time to introduce yourself to me"

Mr. Falks came into the conversation.

"William…"

"Falkie , I didn't know you were there too"

"How many people you have in there?"

"It doesn't matter, what matters now is that I don't want to talk to you. I called dr. Webber, he is the only one I'll talk to"

Richard looked at Falks, Dunn was trying to impose his conditions and he thought they should listen to him. Fortunately even Falks had the same opinion. He gestured Webber to stay calm and nodded. Richard cleared his throat.

"I'm here"

"Good… you need to forgive Andy, he just has this complex he needs to command and decide everything. I had to listen to him for five years and now I'm done. You're the chief after all, this is your place"

"Mr. Dunn…"

"Am I viva-voice?"

Richard looked at Falks, he wasn't used to this. He didn't know what he could tell or what he couldn't tell. Dealing with patients was one thing, having a conversation with a serial killer barricaded in a room was another. Caldwell's boss nodded and Richard tried to relax.

"Yes. Do you want me to pick up the receiver?"

There was a moment of silence.

"No… who's there with you?"

The officer nodded again.

"mr. Falks , another officer…. Some doctor"

"Who?"

"You don't know them"

"Who?"

"dr. Bailey… dr. Sloan… dr. Sheperd and Hunt"

"I know these two pretty good… Did you summon up?"

Richard looked down to the desk. This man was smart and quick, he would be a hardcase.

"Who's missing?"

"I think you know it pretty good" Falks' voice invaded the conversation.

"I want Webber… I want to tell him about me…"

Richard nodded to Falks and swallowed.

"I'm here"

Silence stretched for a minute

"I reached 8 today"

Richard didn't get what he was talking about. He tried to find comfort in the man in front of him but he shrugged.

"What are you talking about?"

"Up to know… I killed 8 people…"

Richard leant heavily on his desk, he couldn't do this.

"I like you, Webber. You're an honest man, you're true. So I don't need to take fun of you. You perfectly now I've killed the guards. They came in the wrong moment and I had to get rid of them. Give my condolences to their widows, I know Fred had a kid…. I'm really sorry"

Richard looked at Derek, Sheperd wanted to scream but somehow was keeping control.

"How are dr. Yang and Grey?"

"Why doesn't this question come from dr. Sheperd? He doesn't care about his girlfriend?"

Derek stroke his cheeks violently, Dunn wanted to set him off and he was succeeding. But he needed to ignore his provocations and let Richard talk.

"How are they?"

"Good for now. I'm trying to decide if they're going to become n. 9 and 10"

Hunt couldn't take it anymore. He jumped on his feet and started to pace in the room.

Richard felt armless but Falks invited him to go on. Dunn did it first.

"It's hard, you know? I've been here for five days and all I could think about was their neck… It's a need… it's like breathing. It's fighting what you are. Do you think it's possible doing that?"

"I think you can choose who you are"

"I think you can't fight biology instead. Do you agree, Andy?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I was born to do this. I was born to kill. It's written in my DNA"

Richard exchanged a worried look with Falks, he seriously didn't know where this discussion was heading. But he sensed he wouldn't like it. William Dunn was making a monologue and he had the strong impression he had a clear path in his mind. He was prodding them, making them feeling powerless. He wanted something, he was preparing the field for this. And despite mr. Falks had made crystal a negotiation was out of the picture, Webber was praying he would change his mind.

"I feel for confidences today. I know that you all think I'm a heartless killer. You don't give a crap of my story. But my story is who I am, why I'm this. And there's still something you don't know. You know the end of my career… you know about Trish… Karen… Lauren… Sarah and Jane… you know how they died…. And today I added Fred and Jason . But nobody knows the beginning. I was 15… and I cut my father. He was drank and snoring like a pig and I stuck a knife in his neck. But do you know what's funny? My father killed his, in the same way. So that's my point. It's biology… science"

"What do you want?" Falks' voice couldn't hide his impatience.

"You really don't get it, do you?" his heavy breathing filled the room, nobody dared to speak. "It's because you're not ready to know yet. It's too early. I'll let you time to wrap your mind around it, to let you think, let you process. Next time I call you'll know what I'm talking about. In the while…" he sighed and Richard held his breath like this could make any difference "I'll busy my time with my guests"

"If you want something, William, I really suggest you not to do stupid things"

"The fact is that you're in no position to suggest me anything. I have nothing to lose. I can kill… injure… fuck these two and nothing would change for me. Just keep that in mind next time you want to trade something with me"

The line fell, the horrible sound echoing in the room.

Richard fell into his chair, this conversation had sucked everything out of him.

He had been trustful at the beginning. But Dunn had destroyed everything.

There was something in the way he talked about murdering and killing which made his legs shake.

That man had no fear of God.

He was ready to everything, he could do everything.

As he had nothing to lose.

He had made it crystal clear.

Their list of possible losses was instead too long even to be written.

The sound of a chair scraping the floor captured Richard's attention.

His eyes scanned Derek's form. He had stood up, his face had lost color and Richard couldn't embrace to hold his gaze.

"I… excuse me"

He walked slowly out of the room.

His pace was similar to postures Richard witnessed every day in rehab.

He looked sick, his legs were shaky like they couldn't stand his weight, his back was curved under an invisible rock. Steps were on slow motion.

"I go with him"

Bailey stood up and followed him.

"Maybe you should give him some space"

"Not now…"

She walked out Richard's office and searched the waiting area. Derek was nowhere to be found. She noticed Patricia was standing though, her eyes fixed on the door of men's toilet.

"Did you see dr. Sheperd, Patricia?"

"Yeah… he went in there. He looked sick… I told him yesterday to take care of himself but… I think he didn't feel alright"

"I go to take a look then"

"Do I have to call someone, dr. Grey maybe?"

Bailey closed her eyes at the mere mention of Meredith. She shivered but took control of her nerves again.

"I guess it's just a flu. I'll page her if it's necessary, thank you"

Patricia smiled to her and sat down, suddenly busy in her job all over again.

Bailey entered the restroom.

It was easy to spot him.

Nobody was in the room.

All cubicles were unoccupied.

Silence was complete but for the noises of someone puking.

Miranda closed the space between the two of them quickly, resting her hand on Sheperd's back, soothing it in circles, the other stroking the hair on the nape of his neck.

He was bent forward, his fingers gripping the sink for support, his knuckles white for the tension.

"Bailey… just…"

He couldn't end the sentence that a new retch hit him.

"Sshhh"

Her heart squeezed for everything. The general situation and Derek's.

He was trembling like a leaf and she had no idea what to tell him.

"Just try to breathe"

"I…."

Vomit… vomit… vomit.

His torso was startling, she didn't know if it was for the puking or the sobs.

She pretended not to get he was crying.

"Just breathe"

She lost count of the minutes which passed.

One, two, ten, a hundred…

Time seemed to freeze and she had to control her own feelings.

Last time she was in this position, it was for her son.

He had eaten too much at a friend's party, too many fries, and he had hurling all evening long.

She had soothed him, stroked his back in the bathroom, and finally told him a nice story.

He had fallen asleep peacefully as nothing ever happened.

This time things wouldn't go so smoothly.

She was trying to help a grown up, a man whose stomach couldn't take the words which had filled Webber's office.

Murder, wounds, rape.

At this moment she wasn't even sure which one would be the worst scenario.

She was speechless herself.

What are you supposed to say to a man who wanted to propose, whose want-to-be-wife is held hostage by a monster like William Dunn?

She had tried to think of something, from the usual and overrated "is going to be fine" to the more cautious "we don't know what he wants".

But the truth was that she hadn't the strength to say anything.

Reason wasn't an ally anymore in stuff like this.

Hope and faith were the only things to keep her up.

And she hoped to be able to wash Derek up with them both.

"Just breathe, Sheperd"

The tremors slowly lowered, he stopped puking, she saw him opening the faucet and stroking his face and mouth with cold water. The air stank with his vomit but she didn't mean to complain about that, he straightened up a bit, his eyes took at the mirror on the wall, his face reflected in it. He sighed and more water splashed on his face.

He stopped the flow and raised to his full height, dodging her touch.

"I need to be back"

"Derek…"

Before she could say something else, he was gone.

Probably back into Richard's office.

Where she knew she was supposed to be herself.


	9. CAN'T FIGHT BIOLOGY PART 2

Hey... Here I am.

New chapter ready... so as the following two.

I'm taking my time though. I need to update also my other fic so... I'll let you wait some day after this, as usal.

I wait for lots of reviews, sometimes I get the notice of new readers and I'll be happy if you give me your impressions and thoughts.

Keep reading!

* * *

Hollywood's movies were crap.

Negotiators were hot guys, brilliant, ready, clever.

And things always ended up fine for hostages and their families.

A load of crap.

Mark was sure he wouldn't spend one more buck for this industry of lies and fantasy.

As here things were going differently.

Dunn was playing the police along… he had somehow disarmed two officers and have nothing to be scared of.

He wanted nothing of stuff everybody used to.

They couldn't offer him money, they couldn't offer him a way out, they couldn't offer him a shorter sentence.

And he was sure he wouldn't give Grey and Yang back for some cheeseburger and a beer.

He didn't know the man though, he wasn't able to read through the lines of what he had said half an hour before.

Apparently even others were in the blue.

Falks had asked his men to bring Joe here to hear him out, nobody suspected he had knowingly helped Dunn but they were somehow sure everything was carefully planned from the beginning, and William's request to have a sandwich was part of the plot too.

How… Mark had never been a fan of dramas and thrillers.

He was just trying to shut up, not to bother anyone and being supportive to Derek.

And he was failing. Miserably.

Bailey had brought him back from the toilet and he was sure he had cried and thrown his soul up.

But he was mute.

He was rubbing his temples and staring blankly in front of him.

He had tried to prompt him sometimes but his attempts had fallen into silence.

The air was really becoming unbearable.

Phone rang every minute but it was always about stupid hospital stuff, Webber kept saying Patricia to pass him nobody unless it was urgent.

But for Patricia everything was urgent and they were bothered by representative, sponsors and anyone who had nothing to do but calling the Chief.

Richard was being unbelievably calm and patient due to the situation, he was a great liar and Mark was revaluating a lot of situations of their shared past.

He thought he knew him, but he was wrong.

Richard Webber was proving to have a rare quality: he could split his feelings from his work. He was entertaining boring conversations about dinners and new drugs letting the interlocutor think he had been thinking of it the whole day.

He was a bluff man and Sloan was recognizing the tune of voice Webber had often used to talk to him. He had fooled himself.

Webber didn't like him.

He appreciated him as a surgeon, not as a person.

He had chosen him to improve the levels of SGH, nothing more.

He probably disliked him for what he had done to Derek and their friendship, for the whole affair with Addison.

Despite that he had hired him.

Mark Sloan understood something in that moment: he would never become a good chief.

* * *

Someone knocked to the door and opened it without waiting.

An officer appeared on the door, behind him a stunned and uncomfortable Joe.

"The bartender is here, sir"

"Thank you"

Falks stood up and walked to Joe, he gestured him to sit on a chair and he obliged.

He took a look around to get something from his customers, people he knew by heart and somehow also considered friends. But the atmosphere was strange to say it light. Everybody was avoiding him.

"Could I know why I'm here?"

"I do the questions here"

The officer crawled a chair right in front of Joe's. Mark had to fight a chuckle. That guy really liked to play the cowboy with inoffensive people.

"I asked my men to bring you here as you delivered a pack to one of the surgical patients today"

Joe paled considerably.

"Did he die?"

"Just answer my questions, please. Did you prepare this pack or not?"

"Yeah… I mean… dr. Yang called the bar and asked for a hotdog… My waitress did the order… It's something we always do… I didn't…."

"What did she put in that bag?"

"I told you… a hotdog"

"Then what? A towel? A paper box? I need every detail you can give me"

"Usually we pack them in a paper bag with a towel, yes"

"Anything else?"

"No, it's just that and the iron in the hotdog to keep it together"

"Which iron?"

"It's a… I don't know how to call it… just like a skewer…"

"How long is it?"

"I don't know… it fits in the hotdog… like that" he set his hands at the same time marking a space in the mid. No more than half foot.

"Does this stuff has a point?"

"Yes… it's necessary to string stuff… It's not a weapon for Christ's sake!"

"It became a weapon in the wrong hands unfortunately"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing you need to know by now"

Falks stood up, apparently he had known what he wanted.

"Gary, bring him back to his bar and make sure he closes it"

"What?"

"Stay with him and if he talks to someone, bring him in"

Gary took Joe for an elbow and lifted him. The man looked for comfort.

"Dr. Webber…"

"If I ever did something for you, Joe, just do like he says"

Joe didn't get what was going on. But it was something big. Awfully big. He took a look to Derek Sheperd, a man he considered he knew pretty good.

He had learnt to read him like a book in the past years.

From the day he offered a straight tequila to a mysterious woman and his eyes proved he was lost in that precise moment, during the days he attended the bar with his leggy and fabulous wife but his face talked of unhappiness and jealousy, from the day he kissed Meredith Grey and asked her to give him another chance, from the times he dated other women and spent time with them his mind far away, from all the times moody Grey hooked him up and drove him home, up to times they were finally happy and crazy with love for each others.

Chief Webber had done something for him, he had offered him a pro bono surgery and saved his bar. But Sheperd had saved his life performing it. Joe was a simple man. But he knew it wasn't a routine procedure, it was something never done before and pretty impossible to repeat.

He could close his bar without asking more explanations, he could leave following that man.

The door closed and Falks paced in the room.

"How could that tool skip unnoticed to your check point?"

Owen voiced the question lingering in the air.

"I don't know… Did dr. Yang show the pack to the guard?"

"I don't know. I worked on the case just the first day. Sheperd…"

Derek rose his eyes but it was pretty clear he hadn't listened to anything they were being saying.

"What?"

"Do you know if dr. Yang passed the pack to him personally or if she had him checked by my men?"

"I don't know… I wasn't there. But she knew nothing had to go in without your permission… And dr. Yang uses to respect this stuff"

"Do you think he killed your guys with that awl?"

Richard's rich voice echoed in the room. Falks looked at him. Everything looked so absurd.

"I think so… or he could have used it to free his hands and then used something he found in the room… I don't know"

"What do you plan to do?" Richard asked.

"Nothing for now…"

"You can't be serious!" Owen lost every fake patience he was showing "we can't wait… He could be killing them right now!"

"I don't think it's what he wants to do. Not now at least"

Derek laconic voice answered Hunt. Owen snorted but Falks nodded.

"I agree with Dr. Sheperd. He wants something. I don't know what… but he's going to ask"

"What if you are not available to give this something to him?"

"I don't know, dr. Hunt. I really would like to give you better answers, but I don't know. Paradoxically his case is very simple. He won't be stupid or bold enough to ask a way out, he might want to meet someone. I ordered to check his file and see if he has friends or enemies he might want to see. I don't remember any, but I might not be lucid enough. Unfortunately we just have to wait and see"

"How can you demand that we do that?" Hunt had definitely lost his nerve. Falks sighed, this was going to be harder than expected. Maybe letting these people in was a mistake after all. "Our girlfriends are in there. Unlike Meredith, Cristina didn't waste time faking sympathy in the last days to him. How can you know he wouldn't kill her?"

"I don't know indeed. But I know him, I studied him and the hundreds of reports scientists wrote over him. He doesn't talk freely. He sent us a message we are expected to decode. My staff is working on it. I know it may sound a few to you, I know it may all look shady and confused… Probably it's something related to his past and you're not involved in it. I don't know if sharing my impressions with you is good or not but… I think it's about revenge. That's why all my people are working hard, but it's not that simple. As you may imagine, he has not a lot of friends. On the contrary. He was lonely in jail, always in isolation. And the few times he had a chance to meet someone, talk to someone, interact with others, he earned a lot of hard feelings. And he remembers every of it"

Owen sank in the couch. He raked his hair in frustration. Getting to know Cristina and Meredith were probably just bargaining chip gave him some kind of hope. If they were the key to a prize, Dunn wouldn't waste his chance. For now maybe they were really safe, Derek thought it too. But this didn't take away the panic which was strangling his throat, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

He needed to keep calm though. Let this men work and not be an obstacle to their actions. They needed everything but a lover screwing up their plans and diverting their attentions.

He closed his eyes.

* * *

_It's biology… science. _

_You really don't get it, do you?_

_I'll let you time to wrap your mind around it, to let you think, let you process. _

_Next time I call you'll know what I'm talking about._

Derek kept repeating these words in his mind and, every time, he didn't find different senses or meanings.

It was clear and unreadable at the same time.

He had read Dunn's files when he was admitted, he had read his profile and shared its conclusions with Meredith.

There were many things which were obscure in this story.

And he didn't know which philosophy to buy.

Was Meredith really a pawn in a trade game?

Did they get prisoners on purpose?

Both things made sense.

Dunn had been a lonely duck all along his detention, first in Los Angeles and then in Caldwell.

He spent almost all the time in isolation. It was normal for the first years, the latest the alienation was due to episodes of violence towards his fellows.

It looked like he couldn't spend two days with someone without hurting or killing him.

The only exception had been the guy he was spending his last days with: on this occasion he got hurt before doing it.

He had replaced the human company with books and a continual and assiduous frequentation of the library: he had borrowed and read hundreds of books, most part of them regarding serial killers, thrillers and psycho textbooks.

His QI was in the average, high level of average.

The man was not a desperate, he was a man who had consciously chosen to kill and enjoyed it.

Many journalists had asked the permission to meet and interview him, one had also started to write his biography but, at some point, Dunn had refused to meet him again and the work had been suspended. A lot of people in Seattle had loudly and openly asked for his execution.

That said… the list of people he could have angst to was really long.

But there was an instinct which was screaming in his head.

The message Dunn sent them was personal.

_I'll let you time to wrap your mind around it, to let you think, let you process. _

_Next time I call you'll know what I'm talking about._

He had left them with an awful silence, a blank they could fill with everything.

Hope but also desperation, fear for the destiny of their loved ones.

To wrap their mind around the fact they couldn't see Meredith and Cristina alive anymore.

Just the thought Meredith could die made him sick to his stomach again.

He couldn't live in a world where Meredith Grey didn't exist.

He had tried once already, for some hours, and he had felt lost and dead inside.

Dunn wanted them hopeless and annihilated, he wanted to destroy their confidence and trust.

He wanted to see them crawl for the pain, letting them think of the worse.

This way, he'll have someone ready to everything to avoid it.

And the first aim was achieved completely.

Derek would do anything by now to have Meredith out of that room.

He would give everything, including his whole life or a part of it.

A hand, a leg. His head. Anything.

Even just to hold her and let her feel safe.

And he was sure Owen would do the same.

But they were barricaded there and he was here, rubbing his temples just like after a bad surgery, like everything was normal and unlike his life could end every minute, every breath.

Meredith could be dying in this very moment, Dunn could be hurting her, physically or psychologically. He had never used violence to his victims and Derek hoped he wouldn't start now.

It was maddening. This was maddening and his brain felt like it was going to explode.

_Let you think_

How would his life be if Meredith died?

He would be dead too.

Not physically, but mentally.

She was the love of his life, he was going to propose, he was senseless without her.

_What was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?_

_You were like coming up for fresh air._

_It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know._

He wouldn't survive losing her.

He wouldn't…

He couldn't even imagine what he could possibly do, where he could possibly live… or waiting to die.

Going to his land where he was building their future home… No way. He had too many remembers there. Good and bad.

_Stupid brain man. Corny. Idiotic. I cannot believe I did this. Stupid loser. Son of a bitch. I could be at home instead of… Ohhh… Stupid._

_Meredith?_

_Where have you been? I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing, and I was just gonna tell you that this over here is our kitchen and this is our living room, and over there, that's the room where our kids could play. I had this whole thing about "I was gonna build us a house" but I don't build houses because I'm a surgeon. And now I'm here feeling like a lame-ass loser. I got all whole and healed, and you don't show up. And now it's all ruined because you took so long to come home. And I couldn't even find that bottle of champagne._

_This is the kitchen? Living room? Little small. I think the view is much better from here. And that's the room where the kids are gonna play? Where's our bedroom?_

_I'm still mad at you, and I don't know if I trust you. I want to trust you, but I don't know if I do. So I'm just gonna try. I'm gonna try and trust you because I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather_

_than ordinary apart and I wanna be…_

The memory of that kiss was still vivid in his heart.

It was the moment he got to know they were going to overcome their issues and be happy together.

It was his dream coming true.

Better… reality had overcome dreams.

But shadows had clouded their way again.

She had shown fragility so many times.

Her Mum's diary… it had shook the earth under her feet.

And Derek had questioned if he was really granted at her home.

He always had this feeling she was going to kick him out any minute.

He couldn't plan anything like this. And the consequence was their non marriage.

All these ins and outs…

Finally he had raised his head and thought it was the right moment, but the universe had placed William Dunn on their path.

Others, more passionate to signs, would give up.

Not him, he didn't believe there was a divine plan behind this story.

Meredith and him were meant to be together.

They would walk down an isle one day, they would. He needed to believe in this.

It was the only thing which gave him strength by now.

Courage to hold on and try to think straight.

Even if he knew this was a self destruction exercise.

Right what Dunn wanted.

The more he thought about it the more he knew Meredith was his link to Seattle, it was his key to life.

The knowledge his life in New York had been a failure had been a hard knock to stand.

He was really drowning, he was going to turn into a bitter and nasty man.

She had entered his skin from the first time, giving new oxygen to his body and heart.

He had fallen for her immediately.

Now there was no Derek Sheperd without Meredith Grey.

He could exercise his profession maybe but… even in that she had proved to be his muse, to be a necessary support.

How could he possibly think to survive in SGH if something happened to her, right in here?

_Let you process_

How would his life be having nobody at home to wait for him?

How would his life be without future plan, without perspective?

Without the idea to give life to someone who could bring their fused names into the future?

Maybe he was going further, maybe his brain was overworking, but there was a message of loneliness in Dunn's words.

William had been alone all his life, he had made this emptiness himself.

He had killed his father… what boy could possibly think to do it?

For a guy who had lost his dad like Derek had and missed him every day, just this was a capital offense.

But apparently not for everyone things were the same.

He had lived in a caring family.

William Dunn had started to attend reformatories and social services. He had nobody to love him, to wait for him, to talk to him.

Derek sighed… he had Meredith now.

Losing her… would be like a hole devouring his entire life.

It would be like suffering organ damage, it would be like dying.

But death would end.

His state could go on forever.

Till his own death would embrace him and reunite him to her.

* * *

Dunn looked lazily at the clock.

54 minutes had passed since his last call.

He figured the swarming of cops investigating his file and story in prison.

People could be so stupid sometimes, the truth was under their nose and they didn't get it.

They never had.

Doctors and shrinks thought there was always something behind a murderer.

It wasn't true.

It was just the high for him.

The power he felt, holding lives in his.

People respected you when you held a knife, they feared you and begged you.

And it was awesome.

But even this had lost its appeal by now, it wasn't enough anymore.

He wanted something more, he wanted to measure with someone worth the effort, this was going to be his last show and he was ready.

Would his guests be too?

Dr. Grey and Yang were mute, they didn't cry anymore thank God.

He hated the whimpering… and he was starting to get bored.

1 hour.

It was time to drop the bomb.

He set the gun on the floor, by his side and picked up dr. Grey's cell.

The two women sensed the change in the air, they knew something was going to happen and their hands met in a firm hold.

One ring, two…

"Hallo?"

"Have you meditated enough, dr. Webber?"

Silence, but from the echo of his voice he got he was still viva voice in the room. Perfect.

"I've been worrying a lot, mr. Dunn"

"I didn't give you time to worry but to think. Aren't you doctors supposed to be intelligent and use your fucking brain?"

Richard sighed, this man was really able to destroy him. He was aggressive, he imposed himself. And Webber was scared. Scared he could say something wrong and turn him on. Falks gestured him to breathe and stay calm, he did it and tried to find a right answer.

"It's difficult to think in situations like this… I'm a surgeon, I think in front of a table, not in front of you"

He feared him, Dunn smiled to himself.

"Maybe I gave you too much credit… I didn't think you would be so impressed of my career… And what about Falks… Is he still there?"

"Of course I am"

"Did your guys study in this hour I let you?"

"We just made some checks"

"And what did you find?"

"Why don't you tell me what I should look for?"

"And take all my and your fun away? No way… Come on… Tell me what you found"

"A lot of things and nothing at the same time"

"I guess I don't remember many of those… But I don't want you to waste any more time and public money, Andy. You're looking in the wrong place"

Falks breathed in loudly, he didn't get what this man wanted, all doctors shifted uncomfortably in their sit.

"This is not about something old…"

His voice, till that moment relaxed and conversational, had assumed a flat, indolent and cold tone again. Falks sensed maybe they were getting to the point.

"What would you give me to come out of here?"

"I can give you food and a drink, let you time to enjoy them. That's all and you know it, William"

"Oh come on… I have already had a pretty lunch. Joe's hotdogs are great. Imagine my surprise when I took a bite and found a skewer in it… I got crossed at first… I nearly broke a tooth in it… Then I started to look and think I could use it… for better uses. I don't give a crap of your food, Andy"

"Then what?"

"You didn't read through my message, uhm? Were you too shocked about my confession?"

"No. You killed 8 people, one more or one less doesn't make any difference"

"Have you heard that, ladies? Falkie doesn't give a crap if I kill you both. I might as well do it now live…"

"It's not what I meant"

"Then control your fucking tongue… Let's try again. I give you another shot. Have you meditated about biology?"

"It's a load of crap and you know it. Your genes didn't kill those women, it was you"

"It was a pleasure I took for myself, I know. But it had a wider meaning… DNA is DNA… Not by chance is one and only for each of us. But I studied too… And for most of us there are impressive recurrences, you just can't call them coincidences. Separated twins often end up studying the same stuff, they love the same cakes, they are allergic to the same flowers. Doesn't this say anything to you?"

"No. And I'm tired to play games with you. If you want something and you want me to try to give you this something, just say it, cut the crap, Dunn"

"It's what I've being doing for minutes but you don't get it. I gave you hints… I wanted to be a gentlemen and you don't get it. I want to prove my theories about biology, Falks"

"What do you mean?"

"It's something greater than killing… it's more. It's showing we have a connection we can't avoid with our parents. Life is a bitch though and doesn't forget about that. So, without even knowing it, we follow their path, we do the same things, we do the same job, we die in the same way. And that's all I want"

"What is it that you want?"

"I want to stay here, waiting for sons to follow their fathers' steps"

The line fell, the room silenced, Falks looked to his vice but the man shook his head too. He hadn't a point.

The message had reached the target though.

Derek stood up.

A voice was screaming in Richard's mind. But was that possible? Would Dunn dare so much? Apparently he would. And Derek had got it too. He looked to have acquired the same awareness. Resignation.

Dunn wanted this, wanted him. And if this meant to go in that room and eventually die to save Meredith, he would do it.

_Waiting for sons to follow their fathers' steps._

How did he get to know this? Apparently Meredith had spilled out his secret. And he had used the information. He had made his request that nobody in the room had understood. But him. And Richard maybe.

"I don't understand…." Bailey's trembling voice echoed in the room "Has he a son?"

How would Derek explain the truth to her?

"No" Falks looked confused too "Not from what we know at least. But I didn't know for sure he had killed his father either. His mother died in jail for it. She confessed the crime"

"He hasn't a son…"

Derek's voice came out flat and weak, colorless. What he heard had drained any energy from him and this… explaining this… saying it loud was much more difficult than he thought.

"How do you know?"

Derek stroke his sweated hands on his thighs. This was the moment he was supposed to look at Richard and talk to him but he couldn't. He didn't dare to look at Bailey and Owen either. He needed to get out. He made two steps but a impending figure stopped his way. He didn't need to look up to know who that was. He tried to pass through but the body moved aside, blocking his way again.

"Mark… please"

"No…" his voice was shaking and Derek looked at his best friend. He was pale and his lower lip quivered. "You…" Mark was shaking his head, apparently he had fully understood Derek's intentions.

"Let me go" Derek tried to walk past him but Mark budged again and Sheperd sighed feeling his big palm splayed on his chest.

"Mark…" words were failing him, there were too many feelings now in his heart. Fear for Meredith and Cristina and sorrow and guilt towards Mark and his family. Entering that room sounded like a suicide. Dunn had really bad intentions to invite him like that, he wanted to pay back… but Derek couldn't back off. He didn't want to think of what would happen if he didn't show up. And his brain refused to stop and think of what would actually happen when he got in there. He had never been afraid of that man for his own safety, but he was not stupid enough to ignore the risk he was running. He needed to do what his heart was suggesting him. "This is the only way… you heard it" Mark's hand pressed more firmly on his chest and Derek saw some tear glistening in his eyes.

"You can't do that…"

"Doing what?" Without Derek and Mark realized, Hunt was standing near them. He looked between his fellow doctors to try to understand the meaning of this conversation. The air could be cut with a knife and even Falks approached the two.

"Webber…." Mark Sloan looked lost, he wasn't able to form a coherent sentence. And Webber got why. Panic was invading him too. Meredith and Yang were in a critical situation, they could be hurt and now Dunn asked for something… someone. His brain was screaming for him to stop Derek, to tell him they would find another way. But was that true? But what tore him right now was another question: would he be able to let Derek go, let him face a life threatening situation?

"Leave us alone"

Mark's face became an unexpressive mask and Richard felt his patience leaving him.

"All of you, get out!"

Falks came in help, he didn't know what was going on in here but he needed to take the leadership, things had screwed up, too many civilians in the room had messed things up. He set and arm around Bailey's shoulders and led her to the door.

"Just do what he asks… leave the room"

Bailey was on the doorframe and Falks went back to take Mark and Owen out. He kindly pushed them towards the door. Derek was stroking his eyes, this looked like a nightmare. He knew he had hurt Mark's feelings but he couldn't stand this, he couldn't stand his concern and pain. He needed to stay lucid. A thought crossed his mind suddenly and he looked up quickly; Falks, Sloan and Hunt almost out.

"He can stay"

All the three men froze and looked at him, Mark's face looked to relax a bit and Derek got they had misunderstood. "Not you" his words felt like a knife to his heart and he knew it would feel the same for Mark "Owen…"

Falks pushed an incredulous Mark and Bailey out, closing the door behind his back. Richard had walked to Derek, setting a hand on his shoulder. Their eyes met and Sheperd got the question lingering in the air.

"He has a personal interest in this story…"

Richard breathed out. Another love story had blossomed under his nose and he hadn't realized. He nodded and looked down.

"What's going on, Derek?" Owen's voice was soft and Derek looked at him, even Falks seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"Dunn wants me in there"

"What?" Hunt's mouth fell agape and Falks approached frowning.

"How do you know?"

"He said it" both men looked at him like he had grown two heads. "The father and son metaphor … it was not only for him… it was for me too…"

"How?"

Derek felt all his energy draining out of him. He couldn't say it. He couldn't. He hadn't said a word for decades and there was a reason. He couldn't go back to that memory, he couldn't share it. He sank in the couch looking at the two men, his eyes talked of distress and pain. Richard talked for him.

"His father was killed"

That was it.

Falks started to pace in the room. Owen sat near Derek, stroking his shoulders. The officer looked to the doctor sitting on the couch, he had no idea of what could happen to him. And despite the sympathy for his story and the fact that his girlfriend was hostage, he wasn't available to give Dunn another person to rage on.

"Dr. Sheperd… I know how you're feeling. But there is no way I will let you go in there"

"It's what he wants"

"And I don't care. This is a critical situation, there are people involved and my main purpose is to save their lives"

"That's why I have to go"

"Giving him more lives to play with? No. The rules of negotiations are clear and I won't break them: I need to take those two women out not to put more people in"

"If I don't go in there he'll kill them"

"Maybe he already has"

"It's not a risk I want to take. It's my call"

"No, I'm responsible of this and I say no. I'll contact William and offer him something else. Anything else"

"He wants me. Since the very moment he came in here he made clear he hated me"

"So you want to step in there and be ready to let him kill you?"

"If this will save Meredith, yes"

"Look, maybe you like to play the hero with the scalpel or whatever but this is isn't a joke. William Dunn is a murderer, a sadist. He'd cut you into ribbons if he feels for it"

"I know and I don't care"

Derek made some step to the door but Falks took his arm and pulled him violently.

"You have no idea what you're offering up for. I tried to have you reason and, seriously, I don't how you're so called friends can just stay here without saying anything in front of your foolishness, this is not a movie. I have already to tell two women that their husbands won't go home ever again. I won't put your life on my conscience too"

"Will you put my wife's and her friend's instead?"

Falks saw something different in Sheperd's blue eyes. He had noticed fear before, worry. He still could see them now but there was something more. Decision, determination. He perfectly knew what he was putting himself in and the officer admired him.

"We could buy time and find another solution" his voice was softer this time.

"I'm your time buyer"

Falks knew that deep down this man was right. Dunn had nothing to lose, nothing to look forward to. He wanted to have a conversation with this guy, probably checking if he was bold enough to take his invitation. There was no negotiation here, he had nothing to trade. Dunn had the control of the situation and he had to bind to his wishes, for now at least. He finally nodded. "We'll meet downstairs in ten minutes". It was his goodbye.

Derek walked to the door, he leant his forehead on the wooden surface, he needed to breathe for some seconds. What if he didn't come out alive from this? What if he really died? Everything had happened so quickly that he hadn't the time to do anything… think anything… say anything. He had only the letter in his locker, his will in black and white. He had prepared it in a rainy day, after a tough case. Just in case.

"2 2 0 8" his locker combination wasn't going to follow him into the grave. He breathed out and opened the door. Mark and Bailey were still pacing outside. Derek pretended not to see them. To his fortune and surprise, an officer approached him and led him to the stairwell cutting Mark's coming speech.

Sloan saw Derek disappear from the door, the doubt was eating him alive. He ran back to the chief's office with Bailey.

"Did you convince him?"

Richard looked away but Mark could see a tear rolling down his cheek. The truth sank in.

"Did you let him go?" his voice grew louder, a mix of disbelief and rage. "For God's sake, Richard… Did you let him go in there like a sacrificial lamb?"

"It was his decision" Mark's eyes diverted to Falks, who had just spoken.

"So what's the reason of you being here? Don't you have a plan or someone who can just go in there and drag him out?"

"Not till he has two armless women at his mercy"

"But you can do it if he has two armless women and an armless guy?"

"Dr. Sloan… I don't like it. I hate it. But dr. Sheperd saw thought it better than us. We don't need to startle Dunn right now. We need to give him what he wants and organize. It's the only way to take them all out"

"What if he kills Derek before?"

"It was a risk he was more than ready to take and I respect that. I don't expect you to be happy for it… but respect that too. I got the chance to know a great man today"

Falks left the room and they all could hear him giving instructions to his men downstairs. Bailey, crying, was stroking Sloan's back, soothing it in circles, Owen kept swallowing.

He couldn't realize what he had just witnessed. He felt like on a rollercoaster. Before the news Cristina was held captive by a crazy man, then the confirm Meredith was there too, those two made all together. And his egoistic side was even happy she was. They could support each other, Owen even hoped they could defend each other. Then the blood curling phone call he had to listen to without saying anything, the awful thought Meredith and Cristina had heard him say he was thinking to kill them both. And this unexpected and heart wrenching finale. The awareness of the situation had sucked all air out of his lungs. He hadn't been able to say anything to Derek. Just soothing his back. This could be the last time he had seen him and he hadn't uttered a word. He needed to fix it. He started to march out of the room when Webber's voice called him back.

"Hunt…"

"I just need to do something. I'll be right back"

He realized how much he needed air as he left that room.

He opened the door he had seen Derek disappear behind and started to run down the stairs. He needed to talk to him. He took a glance of Sheperd's hair when he was three landings from the ground floor.

He called him.

"Derek…"

Hunt saw him stopping and got the time to join him. When Sheperd turned around Owen noticed he had cried, his eyes were red. Men usually didn't talk of their feelings, emotions, fears. But this wasn't a lover quarrel outcome, it was a life threatening situation and he wanted to help.

"I'm not changing my mind"

"I didn't come for this"

Derek sighed, he was dazed, Owen could say it for sure. How could he not? He was going to serve Dunn his life on a silver plate. And this went beyond friendship, beyond love. Hunt knew Derek enough to know this wasn't, paradoxically, what was bothering him. He had jumped into this decision too quickly to get he could actually die today, but the topic was so complicated and it involved so many things that Owen couldn't decide which one was the right one. Maybe starting from the very beginning was the best thing.

"I didn't know anything about your father… I'm sorry"

There was no accusation in Hunt's voice, the tone Derek had heard and hated so many times, the "you didn't tell me" line. Many people had talked of his father's death just to make conversation, just to be able to say they knew. And it was the reason why Derek had decided to shut up, a long time ago. Some things were too private to be shared, others were too painful. Nobody could cancel his pain as he had lived directly and first touch his father's death, but he could spare this pain to people who weren't there, he could protect them.

"Nobody knows… it's like Iraq for you. I just don't talk about it"

He looked outside from the stair window, the sun was really bright today.

"But you said it to Dunn…"

Curiosity, not accusation.

"No"

Derek felt disbelief entering Hunt's mind, the same it had entered his minutes ago.

"How did he get to know then?"

Good question, difficult answer.

"I think Meredith…" His heart clenched saying this loud. He had told Meredith one of his intimate secret and she had spilled it to a patient. It hurt. He hit his head against the door. When he looked at him again, Hunt felt they were going to part soon.

"Everybody would understand if you decided to back off"

"Would you back off if it was Cristina?"

When it came to Meredith, Derek became another person. Any doubt, any fear, and weakness you could usually detect in his voice disappeared immediately. Owen shook his head, he would do the same himself. Derek was startled from his position as someone pushed the door from outside. He moved and an officer appeared on the doorframe.

"It's time"

The man walked away leaving the door open. Derek brushed Hunt's arm and disappeared.

There was no need to say him anything, he was decided to do his best and even more and Hunt knew he would protect Cristina the same way he would protect Meredith.

The woman he loved life's was in the hand of two other men, two sides of the same coin.

* * *

The locker room.

It was so much time he didn't go in there.

Till Meredith ended her internship and became a resident.

Three years more or less.

So many things had passed.

He still remembered when he used to chase her in this dark and smelly place.

_You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's... It's your tiny, ineffectual fists. And your hair._

_My hair?_

_It smells good. And you're very, very bossy. Keeps me in line._

_I'm still not going out with you._

_You say that now._

Others interns should consider him a moron then. And a piece of ass later when he dumped her without any touch and respect. Where the hell was he thinking?

The room was empty now, lockers were mostly abandoned.

It was late night.

There was a policeman out of the door to prevent anyone from coming in, he had heard Mark's voice at some point but, fortunately, they had dragged him away.

It was all silent and peaceful and dark.

He had personally switched off the light.

He needed quiet.

At least till he was allowed to have it.

He had sat on a bench, his back against a locker, his knees closed to his chest, his forehead resting on his kneecaps.

The door opened suddenly and someone switched on the light.

Falks and Webber.

Derek stroked his eyes, light was hurting them and he was dead tired.

"I'm sorry… I can turn it off if you want"

"No, it's ok. Can I go?"

"Just some more minutes, we have to secure the area"

The man sat in front of him, Derek could see he was tired too.

"Unless you didn't change your mind"

"No"

Falks silenced and Sheperd looked up to Richard. He wanted to meet his stare to know if this last trial came from him. But the Chief looked quiet, he was standing right in front of him and didn't utter one world to pressure and dissuade him. Apparently the officer wanted to make sure he was really convinced of what he was going to do.

"Fine then… You'll be alone in there. We won't be able to help you, any of you. My team is trying to find a way to enter the room… using air ways, pipes… everything. But it will take time"

"One wrong move and he'll kill everyone"

"We always act just when we're sure about the result. I just wanted to let you know it could take time, hours maybe. And I know that so many time with Dunn can be hard to spend"

Derek nodded, he knew he was going to enter hell.

"He'll try to use your weaknesses and to let you feel useless. I know it's going to be hard but… try not to play his game"

"Ok"

"Good luck, dr. Sheperd"

He stood up and Derek shook his stretched hand.

"I leave the two of you alone for some minute… I'll wait for you out"

Falks left the room and Derek went back fixing his shoes, when he looked up he realized Richard was sitting right in front of him.

He couldn't hold his stare, he didn't want to start a conversation.

But he needed to make sure he had understood what he said right before leaving his office.

He cleared his throat.

"Do you remember my locker combination?"

"Derek…"

"You need to remember it, Richard. There are important things inside"

"I won't open it"

"You will if things go bad"

"I…"

"You promised Ellis you would take care of her daughter and you will"

"That's not my duty anymore, Derek. You…"

"Promise me you will, Richard. I can't go in there without you tell me. Please…"

Richard looked away and swallowed. He couldn't cry in front of Derek. He nodded.

"Ok…"

"Thank you"

Derek breathed out and Richard thought this was gross.

What did he expect? That he would say no?

"I won't need to do it, Derek. That's your place. You'll both come out of there and you'll go on with your life. I feel that, I know that"

"I'd like to be so optimist too, Richard. I felt it was something new… with Dunn. All that speech about science and the time to think… It was for us and we didn't get it. I don't know what he wants… but I don't have good sensations about it"

He stood up and stroke his sweated hands in his pants again. He looked out of the window. The room reminded him good things and he smiled. It went away when he met Richard's brown eyes, the chief should think he had gone crazy.

"It started here… you know… with Meredith. After we hooked up at Joe's I used to chase her here after her shift. And she used to dump me up"

Richard was smiling too now and Derek felt the urge to point something out.

"I loved her from the beginning. I know I didn't manage things right with Addie… I had to tell her but… I had never meant to cheap our relationship or use her… She is the love of my life… She has always been… I…"

He was going to break down and Richard needed to stop him.

"I know… I know"

He took his cheeks between his hands.

"I had no right to doubt your feelings… and I didn't. I was just jealous as you were able to end an unhappy marriage and I wasn't. I had no right to harm you on work and I'm sorry I did… If Ellis had known you… she wouldn't tell me to protect Meredith… she would trust you… she would trust you"

Derek had gained his self composure back, he looked calm now. Richard's hands slipped from his face to his shoulders.

"I meant to honor her every day of my life, I was going to propose, Richard. If I should die, you'll find a ring in my locker. Give it back to my mum. I had to give it to Meredith for the engagement but… not like that. You'll go to Tiffany's downtown and ask to pick up the ring they had kept for me. It's been there from two years but… it's still there. It's important… I wouldn't trust anybody else in this stuff… She loves you like a father… she will lean on you"

The door opened, apparently they had spent too much time in there. Falks was on the door, waiting for Derek. Webber patted his shoulder.

"I'll see you in a while, Derek"

He just walked away and Richard fell on the bench, hiding his head in both hands.

* * *

Dunn was sitting on the floor.

He had kept that position since he interrupted the phone call.

He knew he had scored a point, he just had to wait and see.

There was a battle playing in his head, he had two women at his mercy, he could kill them both quickly, but he was not sure it was what he wanted. After six years spent in jail, most of them in isolation, his need to kill, to hold other's life in his hands, had grown different. It was not so impulsive anymore, he could control it, delay the pleasure. He was well aware that this was his last shot, he didn't want to fool himself. He killed these doctors or not, there was no way he could try an escape from here, Falks would let him kill anyone rather than letting him go. If he wanted to have some fun, if he wanted to taste something new, this was the moment. And, deep down, he knew these two squirming ladies couldn't give him any further satisfaction he had already experienced. They were scared out of their mind by now, he could feel it, he could breathe their fear. It was like a change in the atmosphere, it was like a static in the air. Something he had experienced each time he had killed. It was exciting how, sensing the victim's fear, his body reacted, it rushed with adrenaline, it filled with pleasure. Dunn had read of killers who got an orgasm every time they saw someone take the last breathe. He had never come to that point. Apparently it would be something missing to his pedigree.

The point now was waiting and see, see if his message got the target.

He wasn't so sure to tell the truth.

Dr. Grey hadn't understood, she was sitting quiet and trembling holding her friend's hand. That would be an extra bonus, welcoming his boyfriend and taking her out of the blue. She would freak out. Maybe he had to start preparing the room in case he got one more guest, he had to free the entrance and make sure dr. Grey and Yang didn't try anything. That was easy to prevent. He had still leg irons and handcuffs to use. He picked up his gun and approached the stools they were sitting.

"Stand up"

Meredith and Cristina looked stunned, he displayed the gun right to their faces and they seemed to wake up. "Stand up and go sitting there" He pointed to a corner and left them room to stand and walk. They did and crouched down one close to the other. William handled Meredith two sets of legs iron.

"Secure yourself to that pole"

Meredith turned around and saw a pole, there was another one at the opposite side of the room. She took that horrible stuff and closed them around hers and Cristina's ankles.

"What are you going to do?"

"Waiting… I made a pretty clear request and we're going to see shortly if I'm gonna be fulfilled or not. Anyway… you won't like it"

Meredith's phone started to vibrate on the table Dunn had left it, he looked at it grinning.

"I think you might want to hear that" he pressed the interphone button and a voice filled the room.

"William, are you there?"

It was Falks' voice.

"Where else would I be?"

"I just wanted to let you know your request will be fulfilled in a while. Actually… if you open the door you'll see it coming"

"It's useless I remind you that if I see something I don't like or if you try to fool me you'll use these two for home wallpaper, right?"

"Nobody's here to fool you. But what you asked is a big thing. You need to give me something in change"

"And where would be my fun if I gave you Grey or Yang? You know I'm groupy. I think I'll take without giving for now. And actually… I haven't decided yet how I want to manage this game"

"Dunn…"

"I open the door. Remember I have a gun to their faces"

He interrupted the conversation again and Meredith saw him freeing the entrance, removing barricades and stuff lodged against the door. He then looked around and came close to them, releasing Cristina from her irons.

"What do you want to do?"

Before he could answer to Meredith, Cristina was pulled up standing. Dunn handled her a pair of handcuffs.

"Go close to the door. Just try to go away and your friend dearest is dead"

To make sure Cristina got completely the situation, he pressed a blade to Meredith's neck. Grey closed her eyes and Yang went to the door. She didn't know what she had to expect, probably a cop bringing them water and food. They needed it. Even if their stomach was in knots, Meredith and her needed to keep hydrated. She took a glance to Dunn, he was stroking Meredith's cheek with his thumb, like they were friends. Cristina's stomach churned.

"Don't touch her!"

Before he could answer, she heard a noise coming from outside. She made a step back as the door opened. Her heart sank when her brown eyes met blue.


	10. AN HONEST MISTAKE

Hey... I've decided you've waited enough.

R & R, I hope you'll be with me!

* * *

Cristina made a step back.

Her mouth opened in shock, disbelief, confusion.

Everything.

What was the meaning of this?

Why was he here?

They were waiting for something requested, a big thing, the last thing she thought was finding Derek Sheperd in front of the door, nothing in his hands.

Despite the gravity of the situation, her mind was lucid and quick as it was in the OR: she had thought Sheperd was just a intermediary, charged of bringing them something. It was obvious from some point of view: knowing the situation of risk Meredith was living, he would do anything to see if she was fine, he would volunteer to go to hell for her. But this hypothesis had died right there, before even growing completely. He had nothing with him, no food, no drinks, anything, And his face told a story made of pain. He had cried.

Derek Sheperd wasn't a man who hid his feelings, he was see-through. He wasn't ashamed, he wasn't afraid. He bared his soul sure it was the key to everything. She thought he was a fool, now she thought he was right.

And now it wasn't difficult to get what he was going through.

But that was not the real question now, the real question was why he was there.

She hadn't time to form it that Dunn's voice got her attention.

"Have you seen a ghost, dr. Yang?"

There was excitement in his voice, irony and she flinched.

Derek got her moment of weakness and took her hand, their eyes met.

"Are you ok?"

She wanted to say yes, she wanted to play the strong woman, but she couldn't, she was on the verge of panicking and Sheperd squeezed her hand. She just nodded and looked back to Meredith.

How would she take this?

"Dr. Yang... You prove to be unpleasant again. Let our guest step in, please"

Cristina made a step back and gave room to the person standing behind her.

The hope and confidence which had grown in Meredith's heart knowing someone was coming to their rescue died as soon as she took a look to the person in object.

Her mind was fooling her... There was no other explication...

It was like with the bomb. She was figuring Derek right in front of her, but there was no way he could be actually there. Her eyes met his boyfriend's ghost and she shivered, there was something real in those eyes, they were expressive and warm and clear and reassuring. And the phantom had stopped and swallowed seeing Dunn holding her tight under the threat of a blade.

"Meredith..."

Her name broke the last doubt. It was not her imagination, it was not a dream, that was his voice. She started to shake her head violently, not caring of the knife pressing on her neck.

"No... No... No"

Tears were free falling down her cheeks and she kept refusing Derek was there, her legs swayed and she shook for the violence of her sobs. She closed her eyes and reopened them. Derek was still there. His heart broke seeing her so fragile and broken. And he really couldn't stand that man holding her tighter, very likely hurting her. He made a step forward but Dunn reacted immediately.

"Stop right there, doc"

Derek didn't know why, but he did it. Those words sounded like a warning and the last thing he wanted was Meredith being hurt. He swallowed his pride and stopped.

"Please, let her"

He didn't like how pleading and weak his voice sounded. Men like Dunn didn't need to feel the power, the control. They would find it even more exciting. But he couldn't help it, one wrong move and that man could kill the love of his life. He raised his hands in surrender, to prove he didn't have bad intentions. He just wanted Meredith to be safe.

William chuckled. He had got the effect he wanted, dr. Grey was panicking and the best part was still to come. Her boyfriend was acting all cooperative and remissive. A part of him started to fear he had overestimated Sheperd's spirit. After all he could be a coward, his fake courage and integrity waiting for him outside that door. That would take away most part of his fun. But he didn't want to think of it right now. He needed to neutralize possible enterprises.

"Good boy... I'll leave her as soon as dr. Yang here secures you to that pole down there..."

Derek turned around and saw the metallic pole, he didn't like the idea, but he would do anything to get those hands off Meredith.

"Ok..."

"Dr. Yang... Take those handcuffs and tie him up"

His heart was telling him to go to Meredith, she was sobbing hard, her shoulders and face contracted in a grimace. He couldn't stand to see her like that, he wanted to hold her, to comfort her, to kiss her pain away. But Dunn was guarding him like a snake, ready to bite if threatened, he took a step back and it broke his heart. It was like abandoning her in those foreign and unwanted hands. He gripped the pole for busying his hands, never leaving Meredith's form. Cristina got closer and closed the first ring around his wrist. It hurt. It was tight. She was doing the same with the second, turning around the pike, but William stopped her.

"Not like this... No game for his hands, I don't want him to play jokes on me later. Twist the chain"

She looked at him like he was stupid.

"It's too tight. He couldn't move..."

Dunn was rolling his eyes and snorting.

"Do it, Cristina, it's fine"

Derek's invitation broke her last hesitation and she closed the second cuff around his hand. She had to force it closed and Derek whimpered.

"Just do the same with his feet now"

Derek lowered his eyes and saw Cristina arguing with irons. He looked up.

It was too humiliating. He felt like an animal, every time he moved one finger the chain clattering against the steel, he couldn't even touch his nose without bending forward.

Falks was right, Dunn was trying to make him feel useless, powerless and, he wouldn't say it, but he felt like that.

He couldn't do anything like this.

This was making him crazy with fear.

If Willliam decided to hurt Meredith or Cristina, he would be obliged to watch without doing anything, there was no way he could get free of those stuff.

But he had looked into Dunn's eyes and, even if he didn't want to fool himself, he was pretty sure he was not interested in spreading blood by now.

This was like a chess match.

* * *

Meredith closed her eyes. This couldn't be true. Something was missing. Maybe she had lost consciousness, maybe she had slept. Something was missing.

And seeing Cristina treating Derek like a captive, immobilizing him completely was making her head spin wildly.

Dunn was right, she didn't know him, she didn't get his intentions. And she didn't know if this was good or bad right now.

Her heart was beating our of her chest.

And she was terrorized.

For Derek, for herself, for Cristina.

Every time she thought William was touching her she wanted to scream.

Suddenly the contact disappeared.

She flinched anyway.

She felt dirty... She felt violated.

She closed her eyes and sat on the stool.

Her hands moved and she thought she had to pull herself together. She couldn't shake and sob like a girl, they were in this together and she needed to react. When she opened her eyes to her surprise her hands were free.

It was not a tremor she had felt, William had freed her hands and feet and was now doing the same with Cristina.

She was surprised. And upset at the same time. Apparently Dunn thought he didn't need to fear them, they weren't a problem.

And he was right. Everything they tried to do... Derek would pay for it.

And this led to the main question.

"Derek... Why..." are you here? She couldn't end the sentence though. Her voice died in her throat and her traitorous eyes spilled more tears. Her lip quivered and she felt breaking down. Again. Her breath became laborious and she thought she was going to have a panic attack. She closed her eyes and leant a hand on her chest. Her heart was going to explode.

"Breathe, Mer... Breathe... Slowly... You can do it"

She wasn't in that room anymore. She was still sitting in the restroom, on the floor, fighting with her breathing. Derek had entered the door quietly, sighing seeing her on the floor. He had rummaged on a shelf and sit near her, putting a paper bag in front of her mouth. Their eyes had met and she had seen it. The spark, their spark, their look. Her body had reacted in response, she had relaxed, her heart had slowed down, her breath had got back to normal. And Derek was still looking at her with his McDreamy eyes, he had moved a stray of her hair behind her ear, he had brushed her tiny perfect nose. And he had smiled for her thanking. The air had got electric, a static had filled the space between them. His lips were calling her but he was still married. He loved her but somehow he was still married to another. She had left and they had ignored each others for weeks.

Now he was here, and it was for her too. He had somehow succeeded to find her and she needed to calm down. She breathed in once, deeply, then twice. She felt better, not good, but better. She opened her eyes and everyone was staring at her.

"I'm fine..."

Her voice said differently, it was weak and shaky. But she was under the threat of a gun and she had every right to be scared. Derek sensed it and nodded.

_I'm here and I love you. It's going to be ok._

An unpleasant voice broke their contact.

"Very good, dr. Grey. I would be very displeased if I lost you right now. I was actually thinking to make some kind of conversation. What do you say?"

Meredith's eyes narrowed in fear and Derek got this wasn't the first conversation he had obliged them into. He tried to come in help.

"Why don't you just let them go?"

"No... Maybe later... I really enjoy these ladies company… Even if lately they haven't been a good one". His eyes rested on Meredith and he closed the space between the two of them. He brushed her cheek with his fingers and she tried to recoil, the wall preventing her to move more. She closed her eyes when she felt the contact and Derek flinched.

"Come on, dr. Grey… we used to be friends. Aren't you happy I invited your doc in here?"

"Leave her alone"

William rolled his eyes and turned to Derek.

"I didn't do anything, just trying to be friendly. She used to like to talk to me"

"Maybe it was before she got to know you didn't change a bit. There are two dead men under the bed if you forgot about it. This won't put your guests at their ease, don't you think?"

William chuckled. From the stare he shot him, Derek knew he perfectly was aware of the effect of those two corpses. It was like a warning: do what I want or you'll make them company.

"So… I'll try to avoid body contact if this will make you feel better"

He sat on a stool near Meredith, playing absent mindedly with a gun.

"I just wanted to know how she feels now you're here. You know… it was some kind of surprise. They didn't expect it despite I said it loud. I guess my metaphors were a little too complicated for them. But you got it so… I thought she could too"

"What are you talking about?"

Cristina's voice couldn't hide the astonishment she was feeling. No way she could think Derek was going to come. Still… Dunn insisted he had said that. He sat on his stool, smug and gloating, while Derek looked at Meredith with worry and Meredith had started to sob again.

"Do you want to answer your friend, dr. Grey?"

Silence was broken just by her sobs.

"Ok, she doesn't. Remember I spoke about biology?"

Cristina's face was blank.

"The fact we have a connection to our parents or whatever…"

Blank.

Dunn started to feel even more excited.

"Job, likings… death"

Meredith sobbed louder. Cristina swallowed. Dunn chuckled.

"My God… don't tell me they didn't tell you anything…"

Cristina sent a glare to Meredith but she didn't reciprocate, she was bent on her knees crying, Derek diverted his eyes when she looked at him.

She didn't understand.

Meredith's mother had surely a lot of resemblances with her daughter. They did the same job, they had an affaire with married man. But here the connections ended. Meredith was more sensitive, cared more about people. Cristina hadn't had the pleasure, or misfortune, to know Ellis Grey personally, but she had been told she was a bitter woman, acid, profession oriented. She just cared about surgery. Her diary, hundreds of pages hand written, didn't say anything about her child, anything about her personal life. It was like anything existed. At first she had found it wonderful. But after one week of medical miracles described backwards and forwards, she stopped and thought how Meredith could feel about it. Her life had flowed among those pages and her mother hadn't given a crap to write about her first day of daycare, kindergarten, birthday. Anything. If she hadn't known that woman had a daughter, she wouldn't get it from her diary. And she had stopped reading.

From that day, becoming like Ellis Grey wasn't a purpose anymore, it wasn't a goal. Not total anyway. She wanted her life to be different, she wanted to have someone, she wanted to leave a sign also as a human being. And Hunt had come in the picture and she hadn't walked away despite the chaos he had brought into her life.

Meredith's father… she had met him twice and, seriously, excluding his clumsy movements and the rambling, she hadn't seen anything in common between the two of them. And anyway… there was no way Dunn could know better than her.

William sensed she was thinking and was grinning at her. He was enjoying this. Being the director, springing time.

"So… did it click or not?"

"No"

He chuckled.

"That's because it doesn't concern your friend dearest. But her lover, dr. Sheperd, here"

He stood up and walked across the room, a gun always in his hand.

"Don't you find it funny, doc? Your girlfriend didn't say a crap to her best friend but she said it to me. Why, in your opinion?"

Derek swallowed, even if he wouldn't tell anyway, he had no good answer for that question.

"I don't like monologues, you know? It's better some of you start talking before I can think you're useless"

He turned on his heels and approached Meredith again. He looked straight to Cristina though.

"Dr. Sheperd came here as I said I would wait for sons to follow their fathers' steps"

"What does this means?"

"Let's guess… I don't know if he was a doctor, I don't know if he liked fishing, I don't even know if he was an ass… that would explain a lot of things though… but dr. Grey here… told me he got killed"

Cristina's mouth fell open in disbelief.

"And there's a chance they could have that in common in a few time"

He shot a deathly glare to Derek who hold it anyway.

"In her defence, I have to say she thought I was stoned enough not to remember anything. She thought I wouldn't get it. But I did. And I must even say…" he added approaching Derek threateningly "you had a point in not liking me".

He pointed the gun to Derek's throat, gripping the collar of his shirt and Cristina gulped. Meredith was startled by her personal despair and her eyes grew wider with fear when she saw William standing over Derek.

"No!"

Dunn ignored their whimpers and focused on Sheperd.

Despite he had a barrel ready to kill him, he didn't look frightened or impressed, he was looking at him coldly, almost in defeat, and it was making him nervous.

"Do you think though it was a good reason to treat me like shit?" he yelled in his face.

Derek didn't budge, he didn't recoil. Dunn was probably testing him and he didn't want to give him the whole power on the situation. Showing fear was the right way to unleash him. He swallowed and hold his stare.

"I treated you like I would treat any patient who refuses medical care"

"That's bullshit and you know it… You saw a ghost in me and you didn't want to miss my execution"

"You're wrong"

Dunn's face contracted in a grimace, his instinct screamed to shoot that man right there. But a phone ringing distracted him for one moment and he focused. He turned around and went picking up Meredith's cell, abandoned on a stool.

"Hallo?"

"Dunn, it's Falks"

"Oh, really? I thought it was my mummy… Seriously, what do you want?"

"Just checking if everything is fine"

"No, it's not. I got on the verge of shooting our doctor here. He got on my nerves"

"William…"

"Don't patronize me… I'd have done it if I wanted but… he's not worth. What do you want?"

"I want to talk to them"

"And have a dinner all together? Forget about it!"

"You're in there for a while now. I want to know if they're fine. Otherwise, it would be difficult for me to keep the swat out. You know how things work. Let me talk to them, just for a minute"

Dunn looked to his hostages, they were calm and he needed time. He knew Falks would give the order to break into the room if he thought he had already killed them all. He needed time to decide what to do. As deep down, he didn't know it. He hadn't organized this comedy, he had improvised and he didn't know what he wanted to do with these lives. He was evaluating what he had read in a manual a lot of time before: sometimes you hurt more people letting them live rather than killing. Maybe it was time to try this theory, he had reunited a good threesome here and it would be juicy provoke them, hurt them one after the other and listen to their requests of mercy. He just had to decide where to start from. But he was also worried as dr. Sheperd was proving to be a nut to crack. That confidence, that arrogance he always had in his eyes hadn't left yet. He had to be careful with him.

"Dunn… are you still there?"

"Fine"

He walked to Meredith and gripped her arm tightly gaining a whimper in response. He hold the microphone in front of her face.

"Here's dr. Grey"

"Dr. Grey?"

She didn't say anything and Dunn shook her violently, lifting her from her sit.

"I'm good"

He pushed her back sitting and approached Cristina. She didn't wait to be abused.

"I'm fine too"

"And then we come to our little captive here…"

He stretched the cell putting it one inch from Derek's mouth.

"We're fine"

"Happy now?"

"For now I'm. I would be happier if you let someone come out, William"

"Don't keep asking that. I'd think about it when it's time and now it's not. I have plenty of things to do still"

"For example?"

"You'd like to know, wouldn't you?"

The line silenced. Dunn got he had scored a point. He looked at Derek.

"Since you ask, I've just remembered I haven't taken a look to dr. Sheperd here since he arrived. I might even do it now with you"

"William…"

"What? You wouldn't be so stupid to place a microphone on him, right? As I swear to God, Andy, if I find one and discover this check thing was a comedy, they'll hear him scream from outside the hospital"

He set the cell on the nightstand near the pole and approached Derek.

"Open your legs"

His mouth was so close to Derek's ear he could feel his hot breath on his neck. It wasn't pleasant though. The hair on the nape of his neck bristled and he shivered. Dunn realized he had been superficial, he took a step back. If Derek had been more reactive, he could have hit him. He had to keep a safety distance.

Derek opened his feet as much as the irons allowed him to do. Dunn started to search him. He gripped his shoulders and patted them, looking for a foreign presence. He felt Derek was uncomfortable, probably for the undesired contact, and he did his best to maximize his awkwardness. He lingered tracing his back longer than necessary, trying to get if the doctor had a weak spot, something he might use later. He felt his ribcage, rib after rib, with one finger and he stopped noticing a step.

"Did you get a rise out of someone, here?"

Derek breathed out, trying to ignore him but Dunn was determined to mark his territory and closed his hand into a fist, hitting one of Derek's kidneys. He groaned and Meredith popped standing.

She stopped seeing Derek leaning to the pole for support and Dunn looking at him wickedly.

"What happened to you?"

Derek was breathless, his back pulsed and he was trying to bite his tongue.

He wanted to say out loud to that man what he thought about him, but Meredith and Cristina were still there, looking at him with eyes full of fear and he had to lower his head.

"I crushed my bike"

"Oh… what a shame… I thought there was something more interesting behind this scar…"

He started his work again and Derek closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

"Now I know how to get an answer out of you…"

He gripped his shirt and pushed him, making him turn towards him.

"Keep that in mind… I wouldn't want to be obliged to hurt one of them to talk to you, did I make myself clear?"

"Yeah"

William slapped his cheek playfully

"Good boy"

He touched his chest, his abs, even his groin, drawing his thighs.

Derek was sure he wasn't looking for anything, he just wanted to provoke his reaction. But he kept calm and, finally, Dunn walked away picking up the cell.

"The doctor is clean"

"How is he?"

"You talked to him three minutes ago. Don't you remember?"

"I do. But I heard you hit him"

"He's a man, Falks, not a girlie. We had a little misunderstanding and cleared things out. He's good and I'm too. I have to hang off now. Talk time"

Without waiting for an answer, a complain, anything, he pressed the button and ended the call.

"It's the four of us again, what were we talking about?"

* * *

Gary Lynch stroked his three days beard.

The plans he was looking at were simple yet complicated.

Apparently there was no way in.

The hospital had been projected and built to provide rooms and Ors with all the necessary comforts and utilities.

Oxygen, nitrogen, air, heating, air conditioning, aspiration.

But none of these pipes allowed a man to walk in, to crawl in.

Dunn was in a strongbox.

Even sending in a micro camera would be difficult.

They had to lead it through meters of tubes and turns and the outcome was really difficult to foresee.

If the artificial eye had entered the wrong way, it would end right in William's nose. And Falks was afraid of a retaliation.

Dunn had already used violence, just a sampling, but it meant he wouldn't think twice about it. He had a man now and Lynch and Brandon, the negotiator arrived in complete silence, had already expressed their disapproval for that move.

Even if theoretically it could sense like a good thing, it was wrong. On every level.

First they were meant to free hostages and not to put more in.

This had been an unbelievable mistake.

Plus he hadn't got anything in return and Dunn had acquired strength and self consciousness.

Secondly women were more difficult to manage.

They let the kidnapper out of options.

There were not many ways to hurt a woman.

There were, but definitive, awfully definitive.

Not something Dunn could use to get something.

He couldn't use the threat of sexual violence to achieve something, he couldn't kill them without losing anything. And the bibliography and history taught that every murderer, even the more sadist and cruel one, had difficulties to beat a woman.

Now William had all he needed.

Brandon was sank on Webber's couch.

Falks had given him William's file and he was trying to memorize all he could.

Next time Dunn called, he would be the one in charge of talking. And he couldn't afford any mistake. He had read all pages twice already and was going through the third.

"So he had no relationship with this hospital before his admittance?"

"No"

Richard was starting to lose hope. He had answered this same question dozens of times and his answer never changed. He didn't know why they kept asking him the same thing instead of planning something more incisive.

"Are all the doctors from Seattle?"

"None of them was born here. Dr. Sheperd is from New York, Yang from Los Angeles and Grey from Boston. She's the last one who grew up here but… no connection with Dunn before… any of them"

He anticipated the question and Brandon looked at him.

"I'm sorry if you think these are boring questions. They are useful to me"

"I don't think they're boring. But you made them to me ten times and I don't see why. It's not like I'm going to change my statements"

"I just want to make sure stress doesn't play tricks on you"

"It doesn't… but I'd feel more relaxed if you showed to have a plan or something"

"We haven't unfortunately…" Falks smiled to Webber, he tried to make him courage. "How are you doing there, Philip? Did you read everything?"

"Yes, and nothing's new. Everything like I remembered. Seven years of jail didn't change him a bit"

"Did you make a picture of this situation?"

"No… I mean… yes but… it's just an idea, nothing supported by facts"

"Just say it"

"I don't think he had organized this. He had the chance and took it without second regret"

"So dr. Grey and Yang would be there by accident?"

"Yes, he knew he'd need hostages once killed your men, he attracted in there the only two persons he had contacts with"

"He had contacts with Hunt and Sheperd too…"

"Yes… but he knew he would have better game with two women, especially if taken by surprise"

"Coward, son of a bitch…" Owen stroked his bloodshot eyes. He still couldn't believe this mess was real. Falks ignored his coursing,

"How does Sheperd come in the mix?"

"I don't know… How was his relationship with Dunn?"

"Doctor to patient… bad patient. Dunn tried everything from the beginning to miss the execution and Derek made sure he wouldn't"

"So he didn't like him?"

"Who would?"

"That's not the point, dr. Webber. Assassins and serial killers use to see themselves as victims of a system which isolated them. Differently from what you think, he expected to find sympathy here, compassion. He was the injured one, he was the hurt. A doctor not sensitive to his complains got all the blame"

"But he took dr. Grey too and she tried everything to make his permanence comfortable"

"And she's still alive indeed. Maybe he used her to get a perspective, to get advantages. I don't think he'll hurt her"

"So what?"

"I think the core of this matter is dr. Sheperd… and dr. Grey had a personal bound to him so like dr. Yang has with dr. Grey. He wanted to have a kind of family with him. Why… I don't know…"

Great, four hours had passed and they still didn't know anything.

"You said he mentioned about Sheperd's father"

Brandon flipped pages but he didn't find any information about it.

"I don't see anything in his dossier…"

"This is a hospital dossier. I don't use to put personal stuff in it, especially when it has nothing to do with work"

"So you don't know anything about it?"

"I know… I know as I knew Derek already"

"Me too"

Richard turned to look at Mark, he had forgotten him and Bailey were still there.

"Do you think he wanted him in to compare their experiences?"

"No, Andy. No… There could be many reasons. He could want to have a couple… he could want to talk to him… Maybe just pass his time. Really… it's not easy to see what he's going to do. And I wouldn't give for sure he wants to kill or harm"

"But we can't wait till he does it either"

"I know… we have to pick a choice and do as a consequence. Whether we wait or we act. And we'll take responsibilities on both cases"

Richard stood up sighing.

There was too much on the plate right now.

They were making strategies, two men he didn't know were actually deciding about his doctors' future. One wrong move… they'd all be dead.

He stopped in front of the mirror dominating the catwalk and the hallway, the hospital was swirming with activities, noises, cases; everyone was doing his own job without knowing… even suspecting the tragedy which was displaying under their very eyes.

He spotted Lexie Grey laughing with other residents. She was carrying a pile of charts and probably complaining about it with her fellows, men not chivalrous if they were holding their hands and not helping her.

What would she say if she knew?

Her sister could be dying… die and she was cracking jokes.

The slight little difference between knowledge and bliss, awareness and ignorance.

They had just built a relationship, tried to know each other and they were in good terms now.

They shared the same house, lived together, have drinks at Joe's after work.

A really couple of sisters.

The family Meredith had always wanted.

The only difficult topic for them was their father, Tatcher.

Lexie had great feelings for him… how could she not? He had been a present and loving father, worshiping her mother till the day fate took her away.

He had attended her schools, the final parties and shows, her graduation day, probably danced with her.

A model of parent.

For Meredith it was the opposite.

He had left when she was five and never looked for her ever again.

Ellis had made a great job in that… still Meredith resented him.

He could go after her. She was his kid anyway.

But Ellis Grey had spoken and mr. Grey had obliged, not realizing he didn't need to give up on his daughter too. It was just his wife he was divorcing from.

Tatcher was a good man. But he wasn't a fighter, he didn't keep the control of his family. He had opened a giant umbrella named Ellis and lived under it.

She took care of earning their living, she took care of deciding if moving away or not.

He had been a spectator of his own life.

Even when it came to Ellis and Richard's affaire.

Only a fool wouldn't realize something was going on.

Adele had, he didn't.

Meredith had taken him back in her life, Richard knew Derek had spent many good words for it, but their bound was fragile and superficial.

The daughter never looked for his father, he tried but the slap still stung on Meredith's cheek and she didn't want to give him confidence anymore.

Should he call him?

Falks wanted this story to stay put but Webber knew he had to rebel at some point. There were three people involved and their families needed to know firsthand, not from some random free lancer.

Mark was biting his nails, it was evident he was fighting not to go and hug Lexie or call mrs. Sheperd.

Webber didn't know if Hunt was close enough to Yang to have her mother's contact but… he would find out eventually.

He had calmed down a bit and turned around to look to his doctors and the two officers. He walked towards them, breaking the agitated conversation they were having.

"When do you think it will be time to inform their families?"

"We had agreed to keep this silent, dr. Webber"

"I know… but I even hoped it would be over by now. We closed an entire wing. It was easy as long as it was night, but the day is rising and dozens of people use to work in that area. They'll come here to ask for explanations and I'm supposed to say something"

"We'll figure something out"

"No, we won't. As dr. Grey's sister and Sheperd's sister in law, works here. I have just seen her here outside. She'll go home and won't find any of her relatives sleeping like they are supposed to do. I'm not going to lie to these people"

His voice raised and Falks stood up.

"Do you prefer to drop the news and let people panicking all around? As that's what is going to happen. Some of yours will call the press and we'll have hundreds of journalists camped everywhere. You don't want that, trust me. Dunn would be even more giddy knowing he has a full audience pending on his words. It would worsen things for your guys". He set hands on the old doctor's shoulders. "I know how you're feeling… You feel responsible for those doctors and I feel too… it was my mistake already… but going on this self deprecating journey won't help them. We need to have all the time we can master, we need privacy… we need silence"

"I think he's right, chief"

Richard met Miranda's concerned eyes and nodded.

He tried to relax pushing bad thoughts away.

He walked towards his desk but someone knocked to the door.

He snorted. He needed to teach Patricia the real meaning of the word "urgent".

He opened the door violently, starting to yell even before opening it entirely.

"What the hell is going on now?"

He found himself in front of a stunned Patricia and, behind her back, an even more stunned Adele.

His wife wrinkled an eyebrow in his direction and Richard felt a preach coming.

He swallowed and calmed up a bit.

"Yes?"

Patricia was offended, he could see that. But she ignored his behavior, she knew Adele was going to yell at him for the both of them.

"Your wife wanted to see you actually… unless you're not too busy, sir"

She stretched her last word and walked away, not without smiling to Adele. Richard tried to sweeten her mad half smiling at her.

"Honey… I wasn't expecting you…"

Adele frowned, Richard was really acting weird, he was shielding the inside of his office like he had some horrible secret to hide from her.

She didn't lose it though, Patricia had told her he was inside with Bailey and Sloan and other people.

Just Miranda would be a source of suspect but, all the others… she knew it was work related.

She was pissed though.

Richard wasn't saying anything about the dinner he had canceled… not even canceled… he hadn't even shown up or called to say he would miss it.

"I have to take you forgot about our dinner with Susan and Paul…"

Richard's face stretched in a grimace; yes, he so had forgotten. He patted his forehead and slightly turned around.

"God… I… I'm so sorry…"

He really had and he slapped himself mentally. Adele was dressed elegantly, the last pair of earrings he had given her shining proudly on her earlobes, her best purse under her elbow. She had done the honors for the both of them and come here to see if he was still alive. He took a look at his clock. It was nearly 2.30 in the morning. A lump of guilt painted his face. His wife had been driving by herself so late… or early… it didn't really matter.

"I'm sorry, Adele. I really forgot about it. You didn't have to drive up here though"

"No, I had. I was curious to see which kind of excuse you would come up with this time"

She stretched her neck to see inside but Richard budged to prevent her to. He lowered his voice.

"Just a work meeting… financial stuff"

"Uhm uhm"

"Give my apology to the Warrens… better… I'll call them"

He picked his phone out of his pocket but Adele stopped him, her eyes searching his puzzled.

"Tomorrow first thing I guess…"

Richard smiled, he needed to cool down if he didn't want Adele to find out.

"Of course… I'm sorry, darling. I'm really tired and I just want to end this stuff"

Adele sighed. His husband would never change. No matter how many outs she gave him… This was his essence. She didn't think work was so important to him. She had always suspected Ellis Grey weighted a lot on his schedules, but now she was gone. From a lot of time. And Bailey had denied she had an affaire with him. And her private investigator had done too so… maybe she had underestimated his attachment to work. She smiled to him patronizingly.

"Will you find the time to drink a coffee with an old lady anyhow?"

She smiled to him seductively and Richard knew he couldn't say no. He really didn't want to leave the room, to miss an eventual new call, but he couldn't mess up with Adele either, to raise her suspicious. He took a look in the room and Falks nodded. Apparently all the people inside had heard of his personal stuff… He nodded back and smiled to Adele.

"After you, Adele"

"Thank you… Your accountancy must be really messed up if you have an officer inside"

* * *

Guilt, shame, guilt, shame.

It was a never ending flow of negativity crossing Meredith's mind.

She had served Derek to Dunn, on a silver plate.

She had exposed his Achilles heel to a man who would use it now, tenting him, prodding him.

How could she be so stupid to spill it out?

Derek didn't share this information with her for that, he didn't mean for her to reveal it to the first random patient. And Dunn wasn't the first, he was the last. Definitely, absolutely the last.

What would happen now?

William's intentions were mystery to everyone, but Meredith knew he would want to know about Derek's past. About his father's death.

And Derek didn't want to talk about that.

As he didn't, in any moment, in any occasion, with anyone.

And above all he didn't want with him.

In front of them.

That was what was scaring her more.

To say it clear, it was scaring the crap out of her.

As Derek was proud and stubborn… and she didn't want him to get hurt as he refused to talk in front of her.

She would open a hole herself in the floor and disappear in it if this would save him anything.

But she hadn't this chance.

Actually, she couldn't even hold his stare by now.

And it tore her heart. As Derek had been looking at her continuously, to support her, to make sure she was fine. But she just couldn't meet the deception and sadness in his eyes.

All she could watch were the squares under her feet, she had counted them thousands of times, traced their veins and noticed their defects.

"Meredith…"

Derek's voice sounded again in the room: quiet, sweet, a whisper.

William had retired into the bathroom God knows to do what and they were alone.

She was free, both her hands and feet were chainless and she could walk around.

But she felt like stone and she didn't budge despite Derek's and Cristina's invitations.

Her friend was standing next to Derek, trying to loosen the handcuffs trapping his wrists. She didn't want to free him, she was not that fool, she was just trying to give him solace. The metal had scratched his skin and pealed it away, there were some cuts and blood had made its appearance, so as dark, red bruises.

Derek wasn't so interested in that operation though. All his concern was for his girlfriend.

"Crap… I can't do anything!"

Cristina raked both hands in her curly hair in frustration. Derek got it was more for getting something off her chest than anything. She had to be destroyed, nervously destroyed. He couldn't imagine their apprehension for being captives and Cristina had even received a hard blow on her head, a knock down blow.

"It's ok… How do you feel?"

"I'm fine"

"Does your head hurt?"

"A bit but… I'm going to survive"

She placed her hands on her hips and looked down, she probably was fighting her own tears and Derek felt for her.

Cristina was a strong woman, yet she wanted to look stronger than she was.

Derek had realized after their tough approach, the sniffing each others without getting along, that she was sensitive, really sensitive. She made her best to hide it but she was. And it was more than normal to be upset now. He stretched his fingers to touch her but she was too far.

She noticed his gesture with the corner of her eye though and took his hand, a little smile creeping on her lips.

"We're going to come out of this"

"I know… I know…"

Her eyes spaced in the room till she met Meredith's form and she sighed.

Derek did too.

Meredith looked catatonic, he had tried to let her time but this wasn't helping her. She didn't get to come into terms with their situation and was withdrawing in her own shell.

"Meredith… please… talk to me"

He flinched as Cristina pulled the chain again and looked to his hands. He started to feel pin and needles, like they had decided to go sleeping without the rest of his body. It was an unpleasant sensation but he could deal with it.

"Mer… please… we don't have so much time… please…"

She raised her eyes hearing him pleading and she felt a bitch again.

She had involved him in this mess, gained him some beating and she wasn't even able to make sure he was right. She stood up and walked to him shyly, taking furtive glances to the toilet. Derek sighed when she got closer, suddenly frustrated for the items limiting his mobility. She had started to sob again and he would give everything to hold her, sooth her, hug her.

"Mer…"

"I'm so sorry… I'm…" she subsided to the whimpers shaking her frame and closed her eyes again, huge tears striking her cheeks freely.

"Just come here… come here"

She walked blindly towards him until she felt his hands closing around her arm. She gripped the pole for support and immediately his hands, his perfect, tender surgeon hands, covered hers. She sobbed even more loudly and profusely.

"Sshhh"

"You… I…"

She was nearly convulsing because of the violence of her crying and nothing Derek would say could stop it. She wiped tears away and tried to calm down, she didn't need to panic right now.

Derek opened his elbows creating a space between his chest and hands.

"Come here"

She took a look at him, there was nothing she wanted more than holding him. She bent under his forearms and, magically, despite the restraints, he was hugging her tightly, rocking her like he used to do in her bad days. He kissed the top of her head savoring each moment.

"Ssshh"

Everything stopped in that moment.

Dunn… Cristina… weapons… everything disappeared as they were right where they belonged.

In each other's arms.

Meredith reciprocated the embrace, holding on Derek's shoulders for dear life. She could feel how tensed and nervous he was. His muscles were strained and he was surely sore. He had a full day and now he was obliged to stand in that position for so much time… She rested her cheek on his chest. His heart was beating madly. It was reassuring and soothing and she relaxed a bit.

"I love you… it's going to be fine, Mer"

She kept sobbing, not able to answer back.

She was responsible for this, they could all get killed. And he said he loved her…

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Derek… That's all my fault"

"Don't you even dare to say that!"

He moved her back with his chin and their eyes locked.

His blue orbs were stormy and dark, evident proof he was mad. But not to her. Meredith could see that too.

"You have to stop thinking that"

"But…"

"No but… stop beating yourself up for something which has nothing to do with you"

He took her cheeks in his fingers and brushed them as long as he was allowed to, wiping some tear away.

"I won't let you crush yourself with useless and wrong sense of guilt. You need to get over that, Mer. I need it and you need too"

More tears threatened to spill out.

"Derek…"

"I know… I know"

She hid her head in his chest again and she cried silently.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm good"

She realized she hadn't asked him anything about his health and guiltiness took over again. Instinctively she passed a hand in the small of his back.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine"

He sighed and Meredith knew he was lying.

"What are we going to do?"

"Just wait and try not to get into troubles… The two of you especially"

She felt a very strong tone of protection in his voice. She felt relieved and scared at the same time. She straightened up and looked at him.

"What does it mean?"

Nothing, everything, a lot.

Derek didn't know how to start.

He was pretty sure this was a private matter between William and himself.

Meredith and Cristina were just his life insurance and they needed to stay calm.

Whatever happened.

It was hard to vocalize though as it had many implications.

Good and bad.

The good thing was that they were going to come out of here safe and sound.

At least, he hoped that.

The situation was complicated but there was a good chance they weren't going to become the object of Dunn's rage.

If Derek did his part…

And that was the bad implication.

It was not only about physical impact and danger, Dunn was a manipulator, he liked talking, he liked setting people off. And Derek wasn't sure he could take all his crap without answering back.

His reaction could have reverberations for the two women though, he needed to stay focused on this and be careful.

It was like walking on shell eggs, thin ice or whatever…

And the problem had another facet too, he wasn't sure how he could take Dunn's provocations; he was even less sure of how Meredith and Cristina would take them.

Whatever happens.

He sighed trying to say it in an acceptable way.

He stroked Meredith's face once more.

"You need to take care of yourself, Meredith"

"I am…"

"And of Cristina"

"I will… why do you say so?"

"Nothing… it's just that you need to keep this in mind: you need… we need not to argue with him. I know it's difficult and I'm not even sure I can do it myself but… we need to try. And whatever happens… you won't try anything".

Meredith got what he meant. He was afraid they could profit of their freedom to try a rebellion, to find a way out. And he was not scared about himself, he was about them.

"I don't mean to get shot, Derek. And as long as you can't move, I won't either"

"Don't say this, Mer… I want you out of here. If I was sure you could succeed, I'd like you to try even now. But I think he's testing you. So don't give him excuses to tie you or worse. We'll get the chance to leave… I'm sure of that".

Their eyes met and hers said differently.

She had almost lost hope to go out alive.

"You need to trust me, Meredith… Trust me… always… and everything is going to be fine".

He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her lips.

William chose that moment to exit the toilet. He rolled his eyes seeing their love affection.

"Our little doves are cooing… Good way to use the time I gave you… End of playtime, though… Go sitting there, dr. Grey".

Derek nodded and Meredith let go of his hands, she walked towards her stool and sat down near Cristina.

"I'm happy the two of you seem in good terms… I was afraid I had messed up your love story".

He sat on a chair and looked at Meredith expecting her reply.

Derek hated this… he thought he could talk and chat like they were friends… invading their privacies and lives, teasing them knowing they couldn't send him to hell.

Meredith looked down, she wasn't going to play his game.

"Hello, dr. Grey… this is your friend Wills… Are you going to talk to me or not?"

Silence.

He shrugged and aimed the gun to Cristina. Derek tensed. Both Meredith and Cristina looked up.

"It's kind of boring to get your attention just like this… haven't you understood you need to do and say what I want yet?"

Meredith took a deep breath.

_We need not to argue with him._

"When we work it happens we have different ideas… This doesn't change anything"

Dunn relaxed, he leant the gun on his knee lazily.

"Really? So you want me to buy you didn't fight for me?"

"We talked doctor to doctor and that's all"

"So he agreed to raise my morphine treatment?"

Meredith looked down, he had revealed her bluff.

"Please dr. Grey… don't treat me like an idiot"

Meredith looked up, her eyes were full of tears again.

He was enjoying this, pretty much.

And she felt so humiliated.

Voicing out loud her problems with Derek, her insubordination while seeing him handcuffed to a pole made everything worse. This was really all her fault. She looked down and William bent on the stool. He was ready to prod her again. It would be the third time in five minutes and Derek was afraid he could use more persuading ways.

"I didn't agree in raising your meds as I thought you were having enough"

Dunn's eyes focused on Derek, his pupils were thin itches.

"I was suffering like a dog and you thought it was fine?"

"No, I didn't think that"

"She thought I could have more"

"I'm the attending. I know patients have the habit to worsen their own situation and they could have a low pain threshold. We have protocols, we have manuals. We can't just blow their brains out with drugs as they ask for it"

"I had a toothbrush in my cord…"

"But your toes flexed and you weren't answering to the painful stimulations I was giving you"

"So what that would mean?"

"It meant your spine could be snapped and you weren't feel anything or your pain control was working. Either way… you didn't need more"

"That's crap. _He could tell you anything_" William talked in falsetto mimicking Derek's voice, rolling his eyes in the while. "The truth is that you never believed to me… You were preconceived I would look for advantages"

"You did"

Derek spoke before realizing it. He meant that, he was sure about that. But saying it to him was not that wise anyway. Fortunately William let it go. He was too gloating to the perspective to know about their couple problems.

"It must be really frustrating to you to know she took my side… several times. She picked me"

"You misled me…"

"Oh yes… and my acting was really worth a nominee… But do you know what I think, dr. Grey?"

No, she didn't. And she was even sure she didn't want to.

"It was easy to gain your trust… you are an ingenuous person. I just thought it would be more difficult to bring you on my side… But the fact is that you were more than ready to do it. And this makes me question your relationship… your bound… your whole story… It makes me thinks dr. Sheperd here gave you many reasons not to trust him fully, am I wrong?"

Meredith looked down, these words felt like knives to her heart.

She hadn't acted like this to Dunn as she didn't trust Derek, not at all. She just thought he was overdoing. Addison was a far ghost at the time and she was sure he loved her. She trusted him. But Dunn's question made more than sense. Looking back, she realized how superficial she had been. And how her doing could have affected Derek's opinion on her. She was falling back into the self accusation mode, all over again.

"So… what did he do? Did he cheat on you? I guess he has a lot of nurses and hot doctors pining after him"

Dunn stood up grinning.

"This baby face buys you a lot of chances to screw around, doesn't it?"

He leant his opened palm to Derek's cheek, stroking it.

"I could even think to change it a little bit…"

He produced something out of his pocket, Meredith couldn't see what. The object fitted in his hand and was completely hidden. She gulped when she realized it was a little scalpel. He traced it on Derek's face.

Sheperd stood perfectly still, one little move, the point would pierce his skin.

He felt the metal scraping his face, his eyes fixed on the wall in front of him.

"Stop!"

Meredith was panicking and William was having the time of his life.

"Did he cheat or not?"

"He never cheated on me! Get that scalpel down!"

"I'm doing nothing… your instruments aren't very sharp. If I used one of my babies I would have cut off half his face by now"

His face was shining in delight seeing the weapon in contact with his victim's face. He could imagine how it would feel to slit his neck right there, but it wasn't what he wanted.

But when he got to Derek's pulse point he couldn't resist to the temptation to apply more pressure, the blade entered Derek's flesh and blood started to pour out.

Derek winced gripping the pole in instinct and Meredith jumped forward.

"Stop right there or I'll cut his throat…" he focused on Meredith, his tone icy but tangled with excitement. Meredith got he was more than adamant to the idea of doing it. She felt someone touching her arm and saw Cristina next to her.

"Mer… go back"

Tears were striking down her face again and Cristina nodded to her. They both stepped back.

"It looks like I have to let you alive again…"

He retrieved the point from Derek's neck, enjoying the sight of blood trailing down it and dirtying his own hands. He smelled it in an obscene gesture and Meredith flinched.

"Do you want to taste it?"

She fell on the stool horrified, Cristina still holding her arm.

"Ok… you don't know what you miss…" He took a paper from the tray and cleaned his hands. "You didn't answer my question about the little confidence in your guy… What did he do to you?"

He threw the towel in the bin and sat in front of her like nothing had happened.

"Let her catch her breath"

Cristina was messaging Meredith's shoulders to calm her down.

"She didn't run a marathon, we are just having a little talk. And she have to get used to it. I plan to chat to you… a lot. Come on, dr. Grey… I won't prod you again. Tell me something unpleasant he did to you… And I promise… I won't revenge you"

He stretched on his chair, his hands crossed under his nape.

He was waiting for Meredith to talk and she inhaled deeply. She could do that.

She made a resume of the wrongs Derek had done to her.

It was quick, they were really few.

She didn't mean to talk about Addison… also the nurse's thing… what was her name? That crap was out of the picture. He had called her a whore once… not something to say out loud. She really didn't know what to say.

"He never did anything to me… I just don't give too much confidence"

"So you want to tell me he's prince charming?"

"Yes"

"You haven't an engagement ring though…"

"I… We'll get there when it's time"

"I'm sorry I won't be there…"

Derek didn't like the look William was giving to Meredith.

It was longing and full of regrets.

He couldn't read through it.

"So you're sure he loves you?"

"Yes"

For once her voice was firm.

"You'd give your life for him?"

"Without second thought"

Derek shivered as he read defiance in Meredith's eyes. He didn't want her to prove that. But she was looking to William like she wanted him to test her, to test this statement.

"Would he do the same for you?"

"Yes"

"Did he tell you?"

Meredith was taken aback. They didn't talk of dying every day. But yes… he had proved that already.

"He has already saved my life once…"

Dunn's face lit up in interest.

"How?"

"I fell in the ocean and he took me out"

"This doesn't really count like saving"

"It does as my heart stopped and he breathed for me half an hour"

"Impressive… but it's not what I meant. I mean if he would die to save you…"

"He would"

"It's different to say it and then being able to do it. You can't imagine how people grow coward in front of death… They beg … I have seen unsuspected heroes to crawl and ask for mercy… It's a primitive instinct… survival. You know… I've been thinking to it a lot lately… The day is coming… and that speech we had about the execution… I wonder if you were true to me"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you really suggest me the best method or you fooled me?"

"I gave you my opinion. I really don't think there's a right way…"

"But medically, was it the best?"

"Between your options, it is"

"Still you think it's cruel…"

"It's cruel they get you to choose. I mean… it's good and bad at the same time"

"I read a lot of books about it in jail… It's quite of ridiculous they keep books on this in a death row section but… I think they consider us professional so… we have a lot of choice. We get to know statistics, accidents, pro and cons. But you doctors should be more expert in that… I trust your judgment"

"Ok…"

Meredith started to feel relieved, they were talking calmly now. No guns to the face, no knives to the throat. It was like being in his room again. She felt the connection had been re established. Maybe this was going to end good finally.

"I think it's time to get us something to drink"

He stood up and brought the cell to his ear, Meredith breathed out meeting Derek's reassuring smile.


	11. LOSING GAME

Hey... As promised next chapter is ready with a lot of action and tension. And then end... I really have to say I'm proud of it.

As usual you're reviews are expected and appreciated, some of you give me hints of what they would do... and I like it.

There's just something I have doubts on: I think you got this fic is pretty rough and tensed, I changed the rate to be sure. Let me know if you want me to warn you before writing more action into it. I haven't decided about it yet but... if I did, I don't want to impress anyone so... tell me if you want notes on it before.

I wish you a good reading!

* * *

Adele was starting to get mad. Really mad.

Not only her husband had forgotten about her long time planned dinner with the Warrens, two of their closest friends, but now he was snubbing her.

They had been sitting in the desert cafeteria for ten minutes and he kept checking his phone and looking around. If she didn't know better, she'd think everything was done on purpose and he wanted to avoid her. To increase her bad mood, the coffee wasn't any better she remembered. It was awful. Maybe this night trip to SGH hadn't been worth. She took a sip from her cup and Richard picked up the phone again.

"If you didn't want to spend time with me, you could tell"

"What?"

She rolled her eyes.

"You are irritating, Richard. All you can look at is your damned phone. It's three in the morning and I came here for you. You could even try to look at me for more than ten seconds straight"

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, Adele"

He took her hand on the table.

"This meeting is really bothering me. I wasn't used to this late hours anymore. I guess I'm tired and need some sleep"

"Was it really so urgent to be done tonight?"

"Yeah… you know how the Board works. I thought I had some more day to arrange the papers and everything. Jennings called me in the late afternoon and I lost track of everything. I'm sorry"

"Don't be. It was a normal, routine dinner. Alice complaining about the kids and Gregory about her hair dresser"

"I can almost hear that"

They both chuckled, their hands still in contact.

"I guess it's better you go back to your boring meeting. I'd really like to have you home tomorrow in the morning"

Richard's jaw tightened, Adele arched her eyebrows.

"As you plan to come home, right?"

"Of course, darling. I just have to leave the schedules to Bailey and the others. They'll do without me"

"And the walls won't crumble down?"

"I hope not"

He stood up and rounded the table, gallantly pulling the chair Adele was sitting on.

"Thank you"

"I'll walk you to the parking lot"

"No need to do that… I'll come to your office. Adam offered to walk me from there"

"Ok… after you"

They left the cafeteria and walked down the silent hallways. Many doors were closed and Adele looked around surprised.

"Did you cut the night shift again?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"As this place is desert and all is locked up… I assumed you had cut other nurses…"

"I didn't… We're just doing some maintenance"

They turned around a corner and a doctor appeared in front of them

"Dr. Webber…"

Richard recognized a radiologist.

"Dr. Teller…"

He meant to say hi but the man stopped in front of him. Webber's face got serious.

"What the hell is going on down here?"

Adele frowned and looked to her husband. Apparently there was really something strange.

"Nothing… we had a problem in the evening and the maintenance team is on work. I thought it was better to seal the area"

"Yes… I get that… but all my instruments and charts are in there. What am I supposed to do now?"

"I'll ask someone to go and catch your files. Even if you know you should not leave them in the check room"

He walked away, bringing Adele with him.

"And what about the radiology department?"

"The whole area will be closed today… Go to the upper floor"

They heard the man protesting while walking away.

"This place is really crumbling down…"

They opened the last door and started to cross the catwalk. Nurse Mary, a woman on her 50s Adele knew very well, met her halfway.

"Mrs. Webber…"

"Adele is still fine for you… How are you?"

"Good…"

"Just good?"

"I would be better if our Chief didn't cut us like grass in June"

"How can I say you're wrong in that?"

Richard rolled his eyes.

"And if that's not enough, I have just spotted a horde of black men barricated in radiology. Did dr. Teller mess up again with the machine?"

Adele turned to look at Richard puzzled, he gave them both a reassuring smile.

"None of that. Instruments are off and there are some drill going on. It's fine, Mary"

"Ok… I'll go and set this stuff in order… It was a pleasure, Adele"

They shared a smile and she walked away.

"Maintenance and drills… Rough night in radiology"

Richard sighed, he hated to lie to her. But he really couldn't do through her panic on top of everything else.

"You know how this stuff go… When we have to shut down a department, we take the chance to make even safety training and whatever"

Adele stopped in front of his door. She was looking straight into her husband's eyes. She had taken the chance to take a glance inside and she hadn't had the impression to be seeing business men discussing about a financial report. Faces were tensed, even strained. And she had seen people who were not supposed to be in the hospital at that time of the night.

"You'd tell me if something was going on, right?"

Lie, protect, silence, privacy.

He smiled to her.

"Go home. Take a good nap even for me. I'll see you tomorrow"

He bent forward to kiss her forehead.

"I love you"

Adele's lips twitched in a smile.

"It's easy to say it after the you stood me up"

She turned around and left. Richard's smile fell when he entered his office again.

"Any news?"

Everyone turned to look at him, his doctors were all as worried as before. No good news at least.

"He asked for water and one of my men is taking it to him"

"Nothing else?"

"No"

"You talked to Meredith or Cristina or Derek?"

"No, he hang off just after his request"

Richard fell on his leather chair snorting. He rolled on the casters, apparently Adele had left buying his pack of lies.

"Will your wife keep it silent?"

"I didn't tell her anything…"

"And you think she didn't get it?"

"She just trusted me when I said everything was fine. But people is already noticing stuff… And dozens of people armed to the teeth closed up in a hospital wing doesn't support the theory of work in progress"

"I'll tell Brig to shadow the glasses of the border doors"

He picked up the radio.

"Brig… it's Falks"

The radio buzzed bothering the present's ears.

"I'm here… They have just picked up the water"

"Him?"

"No… A woman… dark hair… Asian features… I just could take a quick glance at her but she looked fine"

Bailey rubbed Owen's shoulders as he breathed out. At the moment Cristina was fine.

"Ok… Webber had to walk out of his office and employees signaled your presence down there. Blind all the windows and doors giving on the hallway. I don't want curious people to nose into there. If someone asks you, you are doing a safety training session. But let's minimize the contacts with outside. If anyone needs to go out, leave weapons and equipment inside"

"We have to look like innocuous workers… I got it"

"Good… let's keep in touch"

The communication was interrupted and silence fell in the room again.

Richard loved silence usually. Especially when he was sitting to his desk. It meant everything was fine and he had time to check his budgets, reports, do the planning.

But today… today he had grown to hate it.

Silence was waiting. Waiting was doing nothing. And doing nothing with three of his people in mortal danger was getting harder minute by minute. It brought awful thoughts with it.

Derek's words still echoed in his ears.

He hadn't felt the impact down in the locker room. Now he did. With all its destructive and unbearable weight.

Derek had actually made him a vocal will, he had talked to him like he was going to die.

Before Richard could realize and react, his eyes were leaking with tears.

All the present noticed it, Falks gestured Lynch and Brandon to leave the doctors some privacy, they would wait outside.

"I need to fix something in Caldwell… I'll be here outside. Just call if he phones again"

They went out and Bailey approached the chief, a hand on his shoulder.

"Chief…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to get you something?"

"No, I have just drank a coffee, I'm fine, Bailey"

He felt wet on his hands, leaning on his desk. He looked down and saw a drop. He realized it was one of his tears. He wiped them away quickly.

"My conjunctivitis isn't improving… I have to tell Randy to chance this freaking treatment"

He opened one drawer and pulled out a little bottle of drops. His hands were shaking though.

"It's fine to be upset, Chief. You don't need to hide it"

Richard launched the bottle back in the drawer and snapped it shut. He sighed.

"I hate this"

"I know"

"I hate waiting"

"I know"

He slammed a hand on his desk and all the others jumped on their sits.

"You don't know a damn thing, Miranda! You hadn't to go downstairs and tell Derek you would take care of Meredith if he died… You hadn't to promise him you would go downtown to pick up a damned engagement ring and give it to her… Don't you dare to come here and tell me you know everything as you don't!"

Miranda too was close to tears.

"We don't have to do this"

Owen was standing in the mid of the room; since she knew him, Miranda had never heard him talking in this calm and soothing voice.

"It was difficult to anyone, Chief"

"No… it wasn't"

Mark's voice came from nowhere. Bailey shivered immediately. It was full of remorse and resentment.

"Nobody here tried anything to stop him… None of you…"

He stood up, his lips trembling with every word.

"You shouldn't feel bad about the promises you had to make… You should feel bad as you fed him to that sociopath without even thinking twice"

"Sloan…"

Owen tried to touch his arm but Mark shoved him away.

"Don't you dare… you think you know Derek but you don't… you don't!"

Hunt recoiled. Mark was clearly having a panic attack. His breathing was heavy for the tension and the yelling. He raised a finger pointing it at Webber "And the people who are supposed to know him had to know better… Do you really think he can face Dunn? Talk to him about his dad? For Christ's sake, Webber… We had to pick up his pieces for months… years after that night… You were there… How could you possibly think it was fine to let him go? It's still a hole in his gut… Is this about Meredith, isn't it?"

Richard looked at him, he had no strength left to answer back. He just stood up and rounded his desk, standing in front of him.

"You chose her… You'd sacrifice anything and anyone for her…"

"It wasn't my choice, Mark and you know it"

"And this crap does make you feel better? Does it make your conscience clean?"

"No… It doesn't. I love Derek… Do you think it was easy to me?"

"You made it look easy"

"Do you think panicking on him would ease his situation… change his decision?"

Mark swallowed, there was a truth in Webber's words.

"Derek had already decided and you know him… he doesn't change his mind… We tried… Everyone here tried… But we had to take note and try to give him courage. He'll need it… you're right. And I'll need to… when Meredith comes out of there… if… She'll never forgive me"

Mark looked to the floor, tension taking control of him. He breathed out and sat on the couch, hiding his face.

"I'm sorry…"

Richard just nodded. He got Sloan's despair, really. He knew he loved Derek, in his way, but he did.

No friendship would have survived his blows otherwise.

Or maybe it survived as it wasn't just friendship, it was more like brotherhood.

_Derek, I know it's been hard on you_

_He was like my brother. I have four sisters, four very annoying sisters. Mark was my brother. It's… it's hard_

Webber knew the Sheperds had practically adopted Mark, he slept at their house, ate with them, studied and played with Derek. Just a signature of the tribunal hadn't turned him into a real, nominative Sheperd. But relationships had grown close, so close Derek didn't kill him when he found out about Addison and their affair. It took time but they reunited. And now they were double dating two sisters.

How would call you this if not fate?

Mark used to lean a lot on Derek, he listened to his advice when it came to important stuff. He was some kind of a model to him, the mighty guy who could everything. On work and outside.

But like every superhero, he had a soft point.

A dark side.

A black hole.

And Richard hoped it wouldn't swallow his entire life.

* * *

Meredith was drinking greedily from the bottle.

It was hot in there.

The conditioning wasn't working anymore and she was sweated.

Even for the anxiety of course… but she could say breathing was becoming more and more difficult.

Her throat and mouth were dry. Water felt awesome while going down her esophagus.

She stopped and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, Cristina was freshening up her forehead, probably soothing also the impact point on her head.

Dunn had closed in the toilet again and Meredith didn't lose time to approach Derek. She raised the bottle and pressed it to his lips. He took some sip.

"How are you?"

"Fine"

There was strain in his voice and she looked down to his hands. His wrists were red, scratches had tormented his skin. She spilled a little bit of water on them and he flinched.

"I'm sorry… but it's going to get better like this"

"I know… I know…"

She messaged his forearms trying to soothe tiredness away.

"I'm good, Meredith, really"

She stopped and looked at him, her eyes resting for the first time on his neck.

They narrowed at the sight of the little hole Dunn had dig in it.

She looked around and spotted some gauze abandoned on the tray. She marched and took it, approaching Derek again. She reversed water on them, wetting and moistening and she settled the bottle down, ready to do a superficial cleaning and medication. To her surprise, Derek avoided her touch when she moved her hand towards him.

"What?"

"I don't think it's a good idea, Mer"

"Why not? There's nothing else in here… no disinfectant or anything… It's the best thing I found"

"I know… I wasn't discussing about water… I don't want you to piss him off"

Meredith breathed out. She was really on the verge of losing her nerve now.

"You're bleeding and I just want to stop it"

"I'm fine"

"You're not…"

She applied pressure on his neck despite he tried to recoil again, flinching when she heard him wincing and seeing the grimace of pain which contorted his face.

"And I'm not going to ignore it as he may got mad on me"

Dunn chose that right moment to come out. He was marching to his sit without looking at her.

"Why should I get mad on you?"

He sank on the chair growling and he chuckled seeing her treating Derek.

"Oh… you got all nursy to him"

"The wound is still bleeding… I just wanted to stop it"

"Of course…"

She stared at William, he sounded true to her and she wondered if he had changed his mind about them. He had been nice before, during their conversation and Meredith had found her courage back. She was still scared, but she was even combative and determined to stand her ground. He had intimidated her too much before. He was now rummaging in his pants pockets, his eyes still fixed on them.

"Actually I think you could work better if you freed him" he fished out a key and, without any notice, he launched it to Meredith. She took it by instinct, immediately lowering her eyes on it. When she looked up, William could see she was really astonished.

"Come on, Grey… before I change my mind… Any joke though"

He laid the gun on his knee and looked at them carefully.

Meredith quickly opened the handcuffs trapping Derek's wrists and then kneeled to free his ankles. Derek couldn't help but grimacing and stroking his skin trying to relieve the pain. His back hurt more than ever now, he could budge and move to a normal position and all his muscles were rebelling to it. Meredith was spilling more water on his hands to give him some solace, it wasn't very cold, but it was finally better than nothing.

"You can take a chair if you want… I assume you're tired"

Derek looked at him trying to get why his attitude had changed that much.

It was impossible Falks had promised him anything, their calls had been too short.

He was startled by his reflections when something hit his knees, he turned around and saw Meredith setting down a chair for him. He sat and couldn't help to sigh at the feeling. His pupils never left William though. He was planning something, he could tell, it was like he had finally squared the circle, decided a strategy and acting as a consequence. He didn't want to fool himself believing he had grown human all at once. No, he definitely had something in mind even if, by now, he couldn't get what. Their eyes were locked, Dunn was looking straight at him. It was like their survival depended on this… him holding his icy gaze. William's lips curled in a little smile and he patted the chair next to him.

"Come to sit here, dr. Grey… I hold this place for you"

Derek's jaw tightened, he squeezed Meredith's hand tighter to reassure her. His brain didn't want to let go of her, it felt so safe and good now… He would stand up and be tied up again if this meant keeping Meredith by his side. William read though his face.

"I'll give her back to you, don't worry… but you don't want her there for this, I promise"

Meredith looked dazed, she was worried what was going to happen now. Derek let go of her hand and brushed her arm giving her a squeeze, he shifted his eyes to Dunn and Meredith got he was asking her to go and do what he wanted. She sighed and did it, sitting awkwardly on the chair William had arranged for her. She took a look to Cristina, she was sitting Indian style on the floor.

"So… we are getting to the core of this… We talked about a load of crap, I stuck my nose in your stuff to break the ice and getting to know each other a little bit better. Remember what I told you the day I came in?"

_He'll warm up as we get to know each other._

_I don't think so._

_You'll see._

"Do you find me nicer now?"

Derek pondered his options, he really couldn't lie on this.

"No…"

"It's a lost fight with you… And I'm sorry for that. You would feel better now you'll tell us about your father"

Derek's breath hitched in his throat, he leant heavily on the backrest, his eyes never leaving William and Meredith.

His girlfriend from her part was stunned too.

Dunn had fooled her, again.

She thought he had turned human again, he was just taking time to let them breathe and hit harder. She read it in his eyes, the hate and evil they reflected for Derek were making her sick.

He was going to torture him forcing him to remember, to share his pain.

This would destroy him and she didn't mean to sit there and watch it happening without doing anything.

"There's nothing more he'll tell you about that… You know what happened…"

Her voice was high pitched and shaking at the same time.

William tilted his head to the side, looking at her wickedly.

"You don't need to warm that much, dr. Grey… And actually… I know nothing. You do know nothing… otherwise I would too… There's nothing you'd keep from me, right?"

His hand stretched towards her and brushed her chin.

"Aren't you curious to know all the story?"

Meredith closed her eyes feeling his fingers stroking her cheek.

"Get your hands off her"

William looked back to Derek, he was standing in front of his chair, furious and willing to take him by the throat.

"This depends on you, I guess…"

He let go of her chin but rolled one of his fingers in Meredith's curls.

"Do you see, dr. Grey? Men use to make great promises, they offer you the sun and the moon. They talk like they would give everything for you. Including their own lives… But then they stop when the play gets a bit uncomfortable. This is too hard to you, Sheperd? Sharing a memory to get me stop hurting the love of your life?" He yanked Meredith's hair violently and she cried out in pain, she was lifted from her sit and pulled towards William, her body bumping into his. Both Cristina and Derek jumped forward but he was ready to display the gun to Meredith's temple.

"Take a sit!"

He moved the barrel towards Cristina who was standing ten feet from him, her hands high in surrender.

"I said sit, now"

She recoiled against the wall and slipped down against it.

"Let her, please…"

He tightened his grip instead and Meredith whimpered, Derek's eyes grew wider.

"Will you have a kind conversation with me, doc?"

Sheperd swallowed and nodded.

"Let her…"

William shoved Meredith to the ground and shook his head to Derek who had made a step to her direction.

"Her friend will take care of her for the moment…"

Cristina was stroking her back, trying to stop the sobs which were shaking her frame.

"Let's focus on us now… How did your father die?"

There was no compassion in the way he asked that, Derek shivered. It was just about morbidity and cruelty. This was going to be one hell of conversation.

"He got shot during a robbery in his shop"

After a moment of silence, William burst out laughing.

"Seriously? And what is your deal with it? Why is it so hard to tell? I'm kind of disappointed, you know? Usually people get killed in robberies as they do something stupid, they react, they try to escape or to aggress their aggressor. It's not really a murder… I guess he tried to disarm the guy and got shot accidentally"

"No, he didn't"

"And in this case, I would say he practically asked for it"

"He didn't"

Meredith's teary eyes focused on Derek's face, everything was a blur but she could see his greeted teeth and his breathing getting faster by the second. Dunn was triggering his memories and clearly trying to torment him. And he was succeeding. As she was in there and he could do nothing but playing his sick game not to get her hurt. In other circumstances, Meredith was sure Derek would rather being shot that talk about this.

William's eyes were sparkling in excitement on the contrary. He had found a point to enter Sheperd's defenses and was taking full advantage of it. He loved the way he squirmed after his questions, he could almost feel his brain working to find a different answer. But the barrel pointed to his girlfriend's temple made him impressively cooperative and sincere. And he was going to destroy him. There was something angry in the way he stated his father didn't get killed by chance. A rage which he was willing to explore and know better.

"Oh… and why are you so sure about it?"

Derek loosened the collar of his shirt, he sensed Meredith was looking at him.

"No… don't tell me he tried to protect you and got shot at your place"

"No"

"But you were there, weren't you?"

Derek sighed, hiding his face in both hands. Talking about this with a man like Dunn felt like profaning his father's grave, the promise he had made to bury this angst and pain with his rose wood coffin. He was breathing heavily, just like his father did right before dying. He would tell him to humor this sick man, to play his game. Nothing was worth losing a loved one. He would tell him to be a man and raise his head, he had nothing to be ashamed of.

"I was"

Dunn chuckled pitilessly. This was even better than he thought.

"How old were you?"

"21"

"And you did nothing… You just stayed there watching?"

Derek felt like this man was twisting the knife in the wound, he couldn't do that. His throat went dry, William sensed he was going to shut up and turned the gun to Meredith again. Derek reacted immediately.

"I was with my sister. I couldn't do anything… just"

Derek closed his eyes.

He could still feel his fingertips closing his eyelids once dead.

"Oh yes… just keeping your asses safe and leave him to die… I know the drill. I have to say this kind of disappoints me. You're so hard-fighting and full of moral crap now… I wonder where all this stuff was when you just closed your eyes while your father got killed"

Meredith sobbed. She knew Derek felt guilty for this. They had never talked about it actually, but Derek was Derek. Witnessing his father's murder without budging one finger was probably the reason why he had never told anything to anyone. He had stored the memory in his soul like a punishment and Dunn was ripping his chest open with a spoon right now to get it all out.

"Did he die right there?"

"Yes"

"He got lucky"

Derek looked at him in disbelief.

"Few gunshot wounds are mortal on impact. Many people rest on the floor and die after hours of agony. You should know that better than me. And this means he got shot either in two places… Head or heart?"

Derek swallowed sometimes, he could feel tears raising in the corners of his eyes. He jumped on his sit when Dunn yelled at him.

"I'm waiting here"

He lowered his head in defeat and words slipped out like a sick and hollow whisper.

"Heart"

"The death of honest men… as the saying goes … do you know it? I met a man in jail… he was executed eight months ago. He killed 16 people shooting them in different places. He taught me a lot of stuff about guns and their outcomes. He could keep his victims awake and alive for almost ten hours… Can you imagine that?"

He couldn't as it was too horrible to even think of it, he had the strong idea William was really delighted instead. And he had a gun. And he was treating Meredith like a private property. A picture started to form in his brain but he closed it away.

"What happened then?"

"What do you think it happened?"

"Your old man died and he left your pretty family in a total despair. Did your mother get married again?"

"No"

"Strange… most widows find other partners after… The fact she didn't tells me the police didn't arrest the guy who shot him and she didn't overcome her grief…"

Derek looked away, he was counting up to fifty in his head not to react to this cold and calculated torture, he didn't really get how a man could find amusement and fun in these tragedies, why he could be so interested in this. But the answer was clear. Dunn didn't give a crap of his family, mother and whatever, he just wanted to get to him, break him. And Derek was far from admitting it but… he was succeeding. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest and he was on the verge of crying, his head was haunted by awful images and noises and smells. He tried to regain composure breathing in and out, he needed to calm down.

"It's a pity you didn't either. You could have helped her better than this"

Derek swallowed this last blow without even blinking.

"Anyway… I keep thinking there's nothing fascinating in pulling a trigger. Every brainless moron would do that. Handling a knife instead is a rare art… it's like creating a masterpiece every time. Your father got killed by a lame ass loser, an underdog. If I'm a killer there's no way he can be compared to me"

"The result was the same"

"But the purpose was different. He killed to steal, he stole as he had to survive. I killed as I liked it. He cheapened our talents… people like him don't even get the capital offense. You wasted all your energy to hate a meaningless person. If you want to know real killers to blame, I can introduce plenty to you. It's a big world. And I'm some kind of celebrity. A lot of guys came to look for me to have lessons, advice… hints. You need dexterity to use a knife like I did. We are similar even in this"

"You just fool yourself if you really think we have something to share or in common. You keep saying that to find a kind of justification to your actions but… it's bullshit and you know it"

"You're wrong… I don't seek for any justification. With great powers comes great responsibility. I took them. You pretend not to know what comes with your job instead"

"I got to know when I took an oath. I got to know the first time I wasn't able to save a patient. But I never did it on purpose. I never let someone die on my watch. Even if he wanted. There are rules in a hospital and I bought it all. My likings or disliking always stay out of my OR. And I did it with you too"

"You just wanted to deliver me to executioner"

"I just didn't want to kill you. It's not on me what will happen to you next. That's on you"

"Right… keep saying yourself that. I need to pee"

* * *

Something was definitely going on.

Richard felt it.

Because, as Chief, he sensed when people were about to make choices, when they were about to take responsibilities, when they were hiding the truth. And Falks was.

He had left the room once during his fight with Mark and Webber had taken it as a gesture of politeness and respect. You don't wash your dirty linen in public. But he had done it again, and again, and again. He was out even now and Richard started to feel uncomfortable and suspicious. He stood up and decided to face the topic. He opened the door and crossed the hallway approaching the man near the beginning of the catwalk. He hang off the phone as soon as he spotted him.

"Did he call?"

"No, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You spend more time here than inside. Are you planning to do something without telling me?"

"I don't need to tell you anything"

"You're wrong. As this is my hospital and you're heading an unofficial operation. I could pick up the phone and call the police. I didn't as I thought we were trying to manage this together. I don't like to be set aside"

Falks felt disoriented. He had underestimated Webber's nerve. Last time he had left his office, he was a beaten man, criticized by his subordinates and barely holding on. Now he was roaring at him.

It was admiring, he was a real captain. And apparently he couldn't cut him off the operations. It was good and bad at the same time. Good as he could help, he knew that place better than anyone else, his suggestions could turn out to be vital if they decided to break into the room, bad as he could mess their plans up. Being emotionally involved with the hostages could shadow the judgment and Falks hadn't told him the main principle of sieges. And he was sure Webber wouldn't like it. At this moment he preferred to avoid the topic. As telling him he did his doctors for dead would be a difficult knock to stand. The only reason he was there was to bring Dunn back, earlier than possible. And the moment they talked, things were getting more and more complicated. It was very possible they would receive visits in a short time. He could tell him this at least.

"You're right… I'm sorry. But I wanted to be sure about this before sharing it with you"

Richard looked at him waiting.

"There were journalists outside the prison waiting for the van which had to bring Dunn back. And a lot of demonstrators. For him and against him. They realized nobody arrived"

Richard sighed. It was the end of their secret.

"What do you plan to say?"

"Nothing by now. My press office bought time saying we preferred to use a secondary gate but… it's a matter of time now. I have just spoken with the general attorney and he is coming here. We'll decide what to do once he is here"

"Ok…"

"It's going to be a shock for you Webber"

"Excuse me?"

"I wanted to keep this from you. And for sure I want to keep it from them"

He gestured to the doctors still in his office and Richard started to feel nervous.

"What are you trying to say?"

"The moment dr. Jermin comes here, he'll take the control of the situation and operations. My men will oblige to him. And he has a very clear opinion of what to do. He wants him out, whether your people is still inside or not. Whether they're alive or dead. As for our standards, they're dead now"

"Why did you let Derek go in then?"

"Excuse me?"

"You perfectly got what I'm saying. Why did you let him go in if you thought they were all going to die?"

"I didn't say that…"

"You just said…"

"I said that we give them for dead. We'll try anything we can. But in our choices, in our strategies, we won't consider them"

Webber was about to speak again and Falks decided to be completely true.

"If I had found a way to go in, I would have already given the order. But I didn't. That place is a blockhouse. The only way is to break the hesitance and knock down the door. I don't think I need to tell you what will happen if we do that"

"Don't then. You're sure he'll come out, just give Derek time to talk to him and trade with him. It's what they both wanted. If you use force, there's no way they'll survive"

Richard's eyes settled on a man approaching, his face hardened. Falks followed his gaze and sighed.

"It's not me you have to say this… not anymore"

He made some step towards the approaching man, he stretched his hand but the newcomer refused it and sent him a deathly glare.

"You had to call me immediately"

"I tried, but your secretary refused to give me your mobile number. She had to contact you herself and it took time. I couldn't wait"

"But you had to. And if you had, we wouldn't have wasted one more life"

Richard was starting to get nervous. There was too much talking of lost and wasted lives for his liking.

"Maybe not… but we'd have two dead women on the back. I prefer where I am now"

Jermin sighed, this story was a mess and the last thing he needed was fighting mr. Andrew Falks.

This situation was a potential bomb ticking under his chair, under his ambition to be elected again. He had won the last round thanks to William Dunn and the sentence he had earned for him, now he risked to lose everything for the same man. Karma was a bitch.

Having Dunn in Caldwell had been one of his bigger achievements. He had followed the trial, served the jury unmistakable evidences, led himself a dramatic examination to Dunn. The man was a monster, the cruelty he had reserved to his victims proved it without further invitation, but American Law was great for this reason: every man was innocent till contrary prove. And Jermin had shoved the contrary prove in front of anyone. He had won a death penalty and after the two canonic years of exile, Dunn's had been transferred home. Among a horde of protests and complains. His lawyer was afraid other prisoners would kill him during his first night. Even for the prison code, he was a renegade, trash. He had killed women and he didn't deserve any respect. But, unlike predictions and general beliefs, he had survived. Other inmates feared him as he was cold and calculator and sanguinary. His name was still alive in the chronicles and his execution had been mentioned between the three most awaited events of the year. Seattle wanted justice, it wanted to flip page and forget one of his most doomed citizen ever.

The sensation this new episode of his life was going to generate scared him by now.

He had killed two people. For now. And three were in his hands. His post was already shaking and he didn't know what was better to do.

He could leave the responsibility of this action to Falks, let him lead the negotiation as he wanted. But he knew it would be useless. Dunn had everything under control and his coming out and surrendering depended just on him. And the nerve this doctor… dr. Sheperd could keep in a life threatening situation.

"How is the situation now?"

"Nothing has changed. We had a contact half an hour ago and he asked for water. We fulfilled the requirement and after that… nothing. My men say the situation is quiet, they don't hear anything…"

"And you didn't find a possible way in"

Jermin's sentence cut through the fake calm Falks was seeding around. It pointed out nothing had been made as there was no way, silence and apparent calmness were just a sweet pill.

"Right"

Falks's radio decided to booze in that precise moment.

* * *

Meredith didn't want to let go of Derek's shoulders.

She was hugging him tight, tighter she could.

Her doubts had found confirm in the worst possible way.

He had witnessed his father's death, he was with one of his sisters. Which one… it really didn't matter.

What mattered was that he had seen an unknown man pulling the trigger and killing his dad.

In a blink.

An instant they were probably joking and talking, the next someone entered their world and ripped it apart.

Forever.

_I go to families and I tell them their world has been ripped apart all the time._

_And I fight like a dog to make sure that I don't have to deliver that message, and I lose that fight all the time. Then some guy like Dunn comes along and simply throws it away… life? Then he's got the nerve to tell me that he and I are two sides of the same coin_?

No wonder he had suffered so much for Dunn's words.

It had been a double wound.

The first for the memory he took with him, she had noticed sometimes he spoke in his sleep or whatever… she had never paid attention to those words. Now she probably knew sometimes they were not dreams but nightmares. A little frame which changed his life and his family.

She thought she was messed up… she had to go in therapy. But even Derek had really hard stuff to deal with. And she had never imagined anything.

The second was an unforgivable offense.

By the time his father was killed Derek was already in med school, he had already chosen to become a doctor. Fate had made him watch powerlessly his father die in his arms. But he hadn't given up, he had probably studied harder and become an incredible, awesome, one out of a one hundred thousand surgeon. His goal was to save lives, to change his patients' fate in good. Not in bad. Accusing him of the contrary was stabbing his heart and soul in an unbearable way.

Now she got why he had hated Dunn from the very beginning.

As he had sensed his evilness, his not repentance, his amusement.

And now she hated him too.

Only it was too late.

He had broken a soap bubble, disturbed his balance, dishonored a memory Derek had kept secret and protected all these years.

She had felt for him, cried during his telling; she had sensed from his tone he was making violence to himself. And he had made it for her.

If she had needed a further prove of his love, here it was.

It was more than anyone had never done for her.

And, sensing Derek's exhaustion and sadness, she hoped it hadn't been too much.

She hid his face in his chest and inhaled deeply, tears spotting his shirt.

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine"

"It's not… I'm so sorry, Derek. I really wanted to ask you… to know… but not like this. It's my fault"

He didn't try to reassure her on this this time, to scold her.

He just stayed silent and Meredith knew he was fighting an inner battle to stay strong and not break down in front of them.

She tightened her hug.

Suddenly Derek's grip loosened and she heard his breathing stopping.

She looked up and saw his eyes narrowing in fear.

She didn't need to turn around to see what was frightening him.

She heard a gun being cocked behind her.

Derek moved her aside and pushed her behind his back, shielding her body with his. In the process she saw William pointing a gun at them.

"Well… I guess it's time we get to the point"

Dunn's voice was cold and determined. Meredith shivered behind Derek and started to cry.

"What do you want again?"

Cristina's voice sounded exacerbated and desperate at the same time.

William didn't even lose time to answer her, he moved quick like a thunder and shot a warning bullet to the wall behind her. Cristina covered her ears and Meredith screamed.

Grey's cell started to ring almost immediately.

He took it and answered the call.

"Hallo?"

This time he didn't let them hear the content of his communication with the negotiators, it wasn't his priority.

"I didn't shoot anyone yet, Falks. But hold on… that's for you all"

He pressed a button and leant the cell on the tray.

Derek could hear the sounds of Webber's office filling the room.

"We have company now… I love to have company for this"

He looked at him in pure hate but Derek felt terrorized as his eyes searched Meredith, standing behind him.

"Let them go, Dunn. We'll sort things out between men"

William chuckled, the gun trained to Derek's chest.

He made a step towards them and Derek recoiled, his hands behind his back to prevent Meredith to lean out and see. Meredith made a step back too.

"There was a part of me which screamed you're weren't going to show up, doc. And you know why?"

Derek's throat was suddenly dry, Meredith was sobbing behind him.

"As you had seen what a man could do to you… and you wouldn't want to go there. You surprised me, I owe you that. But it's not you I want now"

Falks and another man Derek didn't know were yelling in the phone. His attention was all on the black hole in front of him. His hands closed on Meredith's tighter.

"I'll give her a clean death… easy… just like your dad. I promise…"

"Please… no"

Cristina's whimper echoed in the room and Derek swallowed.

"She won't even have the time to say goodbye to you. Do it now, Grey"

Cristina's eyes widened in terror.

"No!"

William laughed.

"It has been a losing game from the beginning, doc. Either you or her, it's simple"

"Shoot me"

"Derek…" Meredith was sobbing hard behind his back. The phone produced every kind of exhortation, exclamation, imprecation. But they were alone in this. Nobody could help. It was on them, it was on him.

He was trying to read Dunn's mind, words, behavior, his story in the late hours.

What did he want from him?

A light had turned on in Derek's brain minutes before, but he had ignored it. And he had more urgent stuff to think of now.

"Sorry but I chose her. Move doc"

What did he want?

Was he testing him?

Was this a bluff?

His head was spinning wildly, one wrong move… one wrong choice, Meredith would be gone.

"I'm counting down from ten now… Don't get me to shoot you too first … I wouldn't be that merciful and it would be useless. She's going to die anyway. Ten…"

What did he have to do?

"Nine"

This wasn't what he expected. He expected Dunn to rip him off… not this…

"Eight"

The light turned on again, brighter and clearer than ever.

"Seven"

Meredith was shaking like a leaf. She continued to whisper she loved him behind his back. He never turned around.

"Six"

The Chief too was yelling in the phone for him to stop. What was the meaning of this? Derek was sure it was not only about cruelty.

"Five"

He had to trust his instinct, he had never failed on Dunn.

"Four"

William wanted Meredith, badly. But it was not a normal feeling. It was a mixture of a serial killer's and a normal lover's wish. The murderer wanted to bring her with him, to hell or wherever he was going to go in five… four… Derek didn't know how many days. The normal lover wanted to prove her he was the best, wanted to get rid of the rival. It was a knock out competition.

"Three"

But he wouldn't make a step back. He wouldn't show pity. Derek had to bail, to go off the white horse. He closed his eyes at the mere thought. It was unbearable. As if he was wrong William would pull the trigger and Meredith would be dead. It was on him. This choice. The choice. Reason against instinct. Reason screamed not to budge, one millimeter, one inch. He would die right there. As this was his place, in front of a bullet for the love of his life. But instinct said different, it would be a useless sacrifice. Dunn wanted him to break down, wanted him to be a coward. He wanted to destroy the idea Meredith had of him, the idea Derek had of himself. He wanted to annihilate him, show he was nothing but an egoistic jerk. And this would save Meredith. He squeezed her hand to look for comfort. She didn't know what he was thinking. She continued to tell him the words he had never heard from her mouth in months… years… before. I love you. It tore his heart. He couldn't imagine what she would feel… he couldn't imagine what he would feel if he was wrong. But the light was still on and he had to act quickly.

"Two"

"I…" Derek closed his eyes and stammered on his words, he squeezed Meredith's hands several times. They were soft and warm. Cristina looked at him in shock. Dunn's face painted in an evil grin.

"You?"

He opened his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek. Dunn laughed and Derek let go of Meredith's hands. She looked up disoriented, her eyes meeting his back.

"I'm… I'm sorry"

He took a look behind from over his shoulder and the look on Meredith's face killed him.

"Derek…"

There was so much disbelief and despair in her words that he wanted to crumble down and die right there. He turned around though and when their eyes met more tears spilled out.

"I can't do this…"

Cristina jumped on her feet but Dunn stopped her and shoved her to the ground.

"No! Sheperd! What the hell are you doing?"

He kept repeating himself that this was the right way… this was the right thing. He made some step back and Meredith looked at him like a lost puppy. He couldn't tell her to remember what he had said to her before. _You need to trust me, Meredith… Trust me… always… and everything is going to be fine. _She thought he had abandoned her, left her to die. He could see that. He closed his eyes, unable to move or doing anything, when Dunn closed the space separating him from Meredith and closed an arm around her neck. She screamed and tried to free herself but he tightened his grip. Derek hoped he had chosen right.

"Have you seen, dr. Grey? Men just promise and then leave you to die!"

Cristina stood up again and tried to charge Dunn but he shoved her away and she bumped into Derek. She used his body to steady herself and she sobbed seeing Meredith struggling with Dunn. He was dragging her across the room. To her surprise, Derek was holding her and she lost every form of coherence and rationality. She started to hit him wherever her hands could go, the sounds of Meredith whimpering filling her ears. She finally slapped his cheek violently and he didn't try to stop her, his face tilted to the side for the impact stinging for the blow, he looked drunk or catatonic… she couldn't tell.

"How could you do that to her, you bastard! She trusted you and you're here doing nothing!"

She tried to hit him again but this time he stopped her hands before they collided with his face. She looked up and saw he was staring at Meredith and Dunn.

Cristina followed his gaze too.

William was holding Meredith from her waist and was meddling with the door with his other hand. She hadn't realized though as she was kicking and elbowing him trying to get free.

He finally succeeded in removing the locks he had made himself and the door clicked open.

"I'll see you soon, dr. Grey"

He shoved her outside and closed the door immediately.

Cristina turned to look at Derek, some tear was still falling down his cheeks and he was breathing heavily, from her position she could imagine his heart beating wildly in his chest. His eyes were closed and he was clearly trying to catch his composure. Meredith was out. She was free. She was safe. And she started to suspect that the scene she had witnessed had been a strategy and not a moment of weakness.

* * *

Mark and Owen had both hands in their hair, Bailey was sobbing loudly and the Chief was measuring the room with furious steps. They heard noises. Of Meredith struggling with Dunn and then nothing. The cell was mute and even the radio had chosen the wrong moment to play tricks.

"Brig…"

Falks tried once again to establish a contact with his men downstairs. Nothing.

"Brig…"

"I'm here, sir"

"What the hell happened?"

"The door opened…"

"What?"

"We have a woman on the ground… It should be Grey I guess"

Richard hid his eyes. He tried to prepare for the worst.

"Can you see her?"

"She's right in front of me… She looks conf…"

The radio buzzed.

"What?"

"She is trying to stand up"

Richard looked to Falks.

"I ask you the permission to go there and pick her up, sir… to clear the field. Sir?"

"Positive, I want her here in three minutes, Brig"

Falks switched of the radio, his face was dripping sweat.

"One of your doctors is out"

Jermin and Brandon nodded.

"And Dunn will be furious"

* * *

William approached Derek who was still standing in the mid of the room.

"Sorry, doc. I guess it's gonna be you after all"

He pointed the gun to his chest and Derek looked up at him. Dunn was the image of satisfaction.

"I like to breathe fear… and you're a coward after all"

Derek wiped his own tears away.

"Do you think so?"

William's smile disappeared. There was actually no fear in Sheperd's eyes. He was supposed to be scared out of his mind now. He wasn't.

"Either I'm a coward or I do know you. Take your pick"

* * *

I hoped you liked the countdown...

Derek's thoughts in the mid gave rythm to this scene (not that it needed it...).

In connection to my request before this chapter, I want to point out that, as you may have noticed in these scenes, I'm not just talking about phisical violence here, but also psycological.

Well, for sure Dunn won't be happy after what happened but, as I said in the previous episode, he's still thinking if killing is better that destroying menthally so... I'm not so sure of what I will do (even if I have some idea about it).

See you soon, friends.

I'll start writing as soon as possible but, unlike other times, I have no ready chapter here so... you need to be patient this time.


	12. CONSEQUENCES

Hey... Here I am. New Chapter is ready and I'm working on the new one of my other fic. Last time I didn't get many reviews, maybe it's the summer, maybe I went in the wrong direction... Let me know.

Things are starting to get complicated here, read and comment!

* * *

Dunn made a step back.

Sheperd had fooled him, defeated him at his own game, discovered the key to save Grey.

Show he didn't care enough about her, show he cared more of himself.

And William had bought it as, deep in his heart, he would do the same and hoped to prove they weren't that different after all.

But they were.

Sheperd was really ready to die to save his lover.

And despite the pressure he had put on him, his brain was working coldly and efficiently.

"Ok… So you revealed my bluff… pretty good. You have guts, doc, I give you that and… this makes everything more interesting. But unfortunately for you… this won't help you from now on. You want me to go rough? You can really imagine how rough I can be. I can keep you here for hours… days… and you'll do whatever I want and say whatever I tell you to say. I will make pulp of you as I did before. And every time… every second… you'll be wondering if I'm going to kill you or kill her and I can swear you this… you'll beg me to stop at some point"

Dunn turned around leaving Derek alone in the mid of the room pondering the threat he had just uttered. He wanted to take all his time now, rush had pushed him to take wrong decisions. He had the power in this and wanted to make sure everyone was pretty aware of it.

His plans had to change. Grey was gone and apparently it was the only thing Sheperd cared of. Up to know. But he knew it wasn't like that. He surely had a weak spot, everybody had one.

He sat on his chair sipping some water. He never lost view of the male doctor though. He meant to enter his mind, Sheperd had been able to do the same with him and now it was his turn.

If he wanted to get satisfactions from him, he needed to get where to hit and when.

And this was proving to be harder than expected.

He hadn't imagined things could end like this. His instinct had suggested he would take Grey's life after all. That was his original plot. He wanted to kill her to destroy him but now… he had to let things cool down. And this self control exercise was making him proud of himself. In other moments… in other circumstances… he would use violence… wild, blind, furious violence. But this wasn't the case yet, it wasn't the moment. He had still a path to accomplish and he wanted to go through it.

"I think it's time you go back to your pole, doc"

Cristina gulped, she had been silent all this time, still in shock for the cliffhanger they had lived.

She could still feel her hands impacting Derek's face, her fists against his chest. And she felt horrible. Sheperd had saved Meredith's life. And once again, doing it, he had put his own on a line, a line which was becoming thinner minute by minute. The look on Dunn's face was making her sick, he had cashed this failure calmly, too calmly. She feared this was the beginning of a greater nightmare. Not for her… she wasn't scared of her own safety as one thing was pretty evident by now: she was not the one he was going to focus his attention on, she was not the one risking her life.

And as far Sheperd had proved to be ready to anything, she really couldn't stomach the idea of just standing there and witnessing God knows what.

"Just let him there… we won't do anything"

"Oh… I know you won't. But it's not like your opinion counts in here. Besides… I might want to do something instead. Many something. Do you know what I mean?"

Cristina closed her eyes, she wasn't ready to hear anything of this. Tears leaked down her cheeks and William chuckled.

"You're no fun… you're like all other women I met. You walk like you have a stick in your ass… you walk like you own the earth. But then… you're just a sobbing, nerveless whore. Go sit in your corner… just before tie him up, I'm not going to repeat myself on that"

He started to sip some water again and Cristina felt Derek's hand gripping hers. She looked up through teary eyes and he nodded to her. He walked slowly to his makeshift prison, sighting starting to feel vulnerable and defenseless once again. Cristina was closing the handcuffs around his hands again, she only couldn't meet his eyes this time.

She felt awkward and he got why. He felt this way as well.

She had believed he was really ready to trade Meredith's life with his, he could let her die to save himself. And this was upsetting him.

Cristina had never liked him that much… he had thought about it even recently, getting he had probably been one of the issues of their now solved fight.

But one thing was thinking he was not right for her person, thinking he was a self centric, uncaring ass. Another was thinking he would save his life and have her killed instead.

It hurt. And he wondered how many things he had done wrong to deserve such a low consideration from her. He knew he had done a lot of mistakes, he knew he had a lot of weights on his conscience. But he also thought that Cristina knew Meredith enough to know it was not just his fault, to know he loved her for sure. Even if this didn't mean he didn't make mistakes. His stream of consciousness stopped when she sighed, once finished.

The noise of a scraping chair startled them and they simultaneously looked towards Dunn.

He had stood up and was making his way to the toilet.

"This water is highly diuretic … I need to pee again. Watch what you do, Yang, I guess I don't need to tell you one wrong move and I kill him. You can use the bathroom if you need it and… as for you…" he looked to Derek grinning "let her help you if you need it".

He disappeared behind the door, leaving it open and Derek's and Cristina's eyes locked. She swallowed.

"I'm sorry I hit you"

"I know"

"I'm sorry I thought…" she swallowed, she really couldn't push herself to say it. It felt horrible, she felt horrible. More tears leaked out and she sniffled.

"I know"

She was breaking down, probably for a lot of things. And Derek wanted to help her, give her confidence. To his misfortune, he had a more urgent message to deliver now.

"Yang…" she didn't look up and he thought he could drop the acting for once. He cared about her and he needed to find a contact before Dunn came out and wasted their chance to talk. "Cristina…" his voice was soft and she looked up this time, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "I know you lost your nerve for a second and you don't need to apologize for it. I guess I gave you many reasons to doubt me and… everyone can break down for stuff like this" She sniffled again nodding "But now I need you to promise me something…" She looked up, surprise evident in her eyes. "You need to promise me that, anything happens, anything he'll do, you'll stay in that corner and won't try to do anything"

"What?"

"You got it. Everything he decides to do, you'll stay out of it"

"I'm not…" her voice shook and dropped to her knees. Her mouth was open but no sound came out. Was he really expecting she'd just sit there and let that man do whatever he wanted? "I'm not staying here like a good girl and let him…" words failed her again and Derek succeeded in touching her fingers from his bounds.

"You are"

"No!"

"Yes… you are. I promised Owen I would take care of you and I'll do it. You don't need to get into troubles for me as it wouldn't do any good, Cristina. It wouldn't do any good. Anything he wants to do… he'll do it anyway and the last thing I want to worry about is having you on my conscience. I know you don't like me… I know you stand me just for Meredith… If it helps, remember all the awful things I did to her, remember Addison and the prom and Rose… everything. When something happens… as we both know it will… just close your eyes and shut your ears"

His own voice was shaking, she couldn't really decide if it was out of fear or for the things he had just said to her.

Addison, the prom, Rose… Derek wasn't a person who easily recognized his mistakes, he had never done that with her at least. Now he had made a full list trying to give her a reason to hate him and feel good for if his fate turned bad.

But it only felt worse.

"You're not really asking me this" she shook her head crying, they were alone in there and he thought she hated him, she wouldn't give a crap if Dunn ripped him off under her watch. But she did. As never as now, she realized he had earned her trust, her respect. And even affection. And even if she wasn't ready to splatter this all on him now, there was no way she could just stand there and watch him being the object of some cruel act of violence.

What little, miserable opinion did he have on her? Was he really thinking some wrong and mistakes could let her feel good if he died? Maybe she hadn't supported their relationship at first, maybe she had never said or done anything to do it later. But even if he was convinced she didn't want him besides Meredith, this didn't mean she could brace his death like something meaningless.

She shook her head. They heard the water flush from the toilet and Derek prodded her.

"Promise"

The conversation had to end and she felt an urge in his voice, if this meant to reassure him, she'd do it. She could say it. She nodded and straightened up seeing Dunn coming back in the room.

* * *

Meredith Grey was fine.

Physically at least.

Dr. Bailey had volunteered to go downstairs and run a quick check up on her. It had been really quick as, five minutes later, she had called to report the young doctor hadn't suffered a scratch. She was crying and shaking like a leaf, but, at least, she hadn't been maltreated.

Falks was raring.

Despite the compassion for Grey's situation and the hell hours she had surely lived, they were running out of time here. They needed information, they needed hints and, as person who was in that damned room for long, she was the only one who could give them new hope and new fiber.

The door opened and dr. Bailey came in. She was not alone though, her arm was resting protectively on a woman's shoulder. Dr. Grey, he assumed. As, from the photos Webber had given him, he wouldn't recognize her if he didn't know for sure it was the same person. She looked like a 60 years old woman, her face was a mask of disorientation and fear. Her hair was disordered, tousled on her head and her eyes were fixing her own feet. Every noise which filled the room made her jump and flinch. That girl was 29 and Dunn had turned her into a living skeleton after some hours of his company. He hoped she was really only dazed… she hoped Bailey's checkup had considered every possible injury and abuse.

Before he got the chance to approach her and introduce himself, a figure overstepped him. Webber. He stopped in front of his doctor and just hugged her. Tightly. Like father to daughter. A strange relationship for boss and employee. But it worked to relax her as, buried and safe in those arms, she broke down sobbing.

"It's fine, Meredith. You're ok… You're safe, it's fine"

She kept sniffing in his chest, her eyes fixed on a random spot in the office, totally overwhelmed by Webber's figure and the cover someone had mercifully set on her trembling shoulders.

Silence was total in that room, only Grey's whimpers were breaking it.

Brandon and Jermin cleared their throats together. Falks got it was time to break this intimacy and go back to work. He approached the two doctors, using his soft and concerned voice.

"I'm sorry to bother you but… it's really important here dr. Grey answers our question… now"

Webber looked down to Meredith, she had stopped crying and she looked up, nodding when her eyes met his. He let go of her and Bailey took her to the couch, sitting between Mark and Owen. Meredith looked really little wrapped in that cover, Falks brought a chair in front of her and sat, preparing for the questions he was about to pose.

"We're happy to see you're fine dr. Grey"

If she heard his words, she didn't show it. Her eyes were lost somewhere in front of her but Falks didn't lose confidence. Avoidance was a typical aspects of all witnesses. They preferred to abstract and talk like they would do of a third person. Only this wouldn't be possible now. He had to make sure this woman was really fine before investing her with questions.

"Are you all right?"

Meredith's head nodded imperceptibly.

"He didn't hurt you?"

Another shook.

"In… any way?"

Another shook.

"Is dr. Yang fine too?"

"Yes"

Webber shivered. This was not Meredith talking. It was a foreign person in a known body. This voice, hoarse and defeated, had nothing to do with the sparkling girl he knew from… forever.

"What happened?"

She shivered, wiping her face with both hands. She really didn't know what had happened.

"I don't know… I thought he was going to kill me and he just… shoved me outside"

Their eyes met briefly and Falks saw something he didn't expect to be there. Defeat… betrayal… She was supposed to be shocked for her experience, that for sure, and also worried for the destiny of her friend and boyfriend. But what he saw was different. She had taken this release like a personal disaster. Like… a total let down.

"We heard Dunn threatening you and dr. Sheperd with a gun… We assumed he was shielding you"

More tears spilled out and she wiped them away nodding to the man in front of her. A flash was bringing Derek's apologizing face in front of her, his recoiling… His leaving her.

"And then he walked away"

She uttered those words with a strangled voice, looking to the ground again. Webber got closer and his eyes met Falk's. She was confused, she was on the brink of crying. If she fell to the ground now, Richard was sure she wouldn't stand anymore. Her demeanor talked of tiredness and exhaustion, she had left everything inside that room. And this didn't mean just hope and fear. She had left her heart in there as, looking at her and hearing her saying Derek walked away, he got she felt left behind. He had a flashback of the months she and Derek were broken up. She wandered through SGH hallways like a phantom, doing her job like an robot. He knew she had sank in a dull and inconsolable place, he had heard of her hookups, her eyes were empty, just like now.

Everything had happened so quickly and probably Derek had been so persuasive, he had fooled her too. He needed to take her out of the blue, make some clarity.

"Meredith…"

She looked up and got he was going to say something for Derek, on his credit. But, on top of everything else, she really didn't want to come out of this like the resentful one.

"I know… Maybe I would have done it myself… I don't blame him for it but… It's just…".

She swallowed wiping more tears away and Falks decided to pull her out of her misery.

"He saved your life"

"What?"

Her face jumped up, slapped by an invisible hand. It was the image of confusion.

"Dr. Sheperd saved your life, dr. Grey. He didn't leave you to die… on the contrary. He got it was the only way"

More tears leaked out, Grey was looking at him like a baby who's told Santa doesn't exist. Falks felt awkward and he didn't like it. He had managed every kind of emergency and situation but this was slipping out of control. This girl was looking blankly at him and this wasn't his job. He was supposed to ask her about weapons and possible ways in, not to give her explanation about this, not to be the one to tell her boyfriend was not a coward son of a bitch but a kick ass hero. His throat went dry and he couldn't bring himself to say anything else.

"Meredith… Dunn was going to shoot you"

"I know… but he kicked me out instead"

"No… he was going to shoot you if Derek hadn't played that comedy"

"I don't understand…"

A voice inside her scream they didn't know anything. They weren't there after all, they could hear but they couldn't see. And Derek's face had told her anything she needed to know. Why were they trying to change her mind about that? What was she missing? Apparently everything. Apparently she had totally missed the point in that room.

Her cheeks were trembling, she was trying to hold back tears, her eyes didn't leave Webber's and he swallowed.

How was Richard supposed to tell her Dunn wanted to destroy Derek with every fiber of his being? He couldn't. As Derek was still inside and telling her this was like killing the last hope to see him alive. It was like practicing a life saving surgery on a patient and then telling him he was going to die anyway. Meredith would know Derek loved her so much to be willing to die for her. And then… after a moment of solace and tenderness, her brain would start functioning again and get that he was, now like never before, in Dunn's hands. Alone and armless. No… he really couldn't do it. He looked away and Bailey got she had to take the initiative.

"Dunn wanted to hurt Derek, Meredith. And he thought that the best way to do it… was killing you. That's why Derek pretended to value his own life more than yours. He thought Dunn would change target… and he did. He let you go as he thought you were meaningless to Derek, he couldn't use you anymore"

Meredith looked down. A thunder roared in her head taking her out of the trance she had sank. And all pieces got into place one by one.

_You need to trust me, Meredith… Trust me… always… and everything is going to be fine._

But she hadn't. One hurdle, she thought he had sold her out for his own benefit. She felt like crap and she started to sob again.

_We need not to argue with him… whatever happens._

She was getting the meaning of it, now. Dunn had punched him, nudged him with a knife and he hadn't blinked once. He was scared a reaction would bring the two of them in danger… Cristina and her. Now she was safe. And he was still there. And if Dunn had understood Derek had read his purposes and be smarter than him… she feared the conclusion.

"Meredith… how is Derek?"

Richard voiced the question everyone was willing to ask. And the answer… she couldn't say she knew it.

"Was he fine before you left?"

"Kind of"

"Did he hit him again?"

"No… he…" she closed her eyes to push Derek's bleeding neck out of her mind. "He hurt him with a scalpel… just…"

Bailey sighed, soothing her back.

"Meredith…"

"His neck… he hurt his neck but… it was deep but not…"

Mortal.

She hid her face in both hands. How was it possibly fine? Dunn had twisted a knife in Derek's neck as he found it funny, he had enjoyed his pain, his blood pouring out. And he had drank it. What would he do now he had been duped?

"Just bring them out please… please…he's going to…"

Meredith's eyes were full of despair and Falks felt it was the right moment to step into the conversation again.

"We're trying to, dr. Grey. And I need your help for doing it… I need you to answer my questions, carefully. I need you to tell me everything you remember. And if you don't remember, it's better you don't say anything. Clear?"

She nodded and breathed out. The least she could do was answering those damned questions.

* * *

Cristina's eyes were shut. She was squeezing them as shut as she could. As she had promised. She had but… one thing was doing it, another was staying there hearing Dunn keeping going at Derek.

He had done that again… pretended to be friendly and human and then… he had fully taken advantage of Derek's immobilized hands. And was still doing it. He wasn't killing him, hurting him to death but… he was mocking, humiliating, weakening him. And everything as he had him tied up and defenseless against his sadist vein.

_Dunn had just f__inished eating a granola bar he had found in Meredith's labcoat. He had gathered a little foodstuffs treasure in their pockets and was eating like a kid. And drinking like he hadn't done it in years. He was probably reminding himself everything would be over in some day. His execution was going to put an end to earth pleasures, he wanted to savor them till he was still in time. _

_The air was really thick now. It was hot. Cristina was thirsty and seeing someone drinking was the worse way to feed her need. Dunn realized her longing stare on the bottle and launched it to her._

"_You could ask if you were thirsty…" He turned to Derek and picked up another bottle "Are you too, doc?"_

"_No, I'm not"_

"_Oh come on…" He walked towards him, Cristina followed her steps. Every time Dunn approached Derek, she couldn't help but feel scared. "It's just some water and it's here" He rolled the bottle in his fingers, just in front of Derek's eyes "So… you want it or not?"_

"_No"_

"_Ok"_

_He shrugged and launched the bottle on his chair. Before Cristina could blink, he raised a knee and brought it forcefully to Derek's stomach. He groaned loudly doubling over, Cristina could feel all the air leaving his torso. Her eyes narrowed in shock seeing him leaning on the pole for support. But the aftermath of the blow was clearly too strong as he collapsed on one knee panting like a fish caught out of water. Dunn's face shone in delight._

"_I guess no thank you would sound a lot better"_

_Derek was clearly trying to catch his breath and his open mouth wasn't enough to do that. It looked like he had ran a marathon, only he hadn't. And Dunn was standing over him like a hawk. Cristina's heart was beating like a hummer. _

"_It looks like your mum didn't teach you good manners … It's up to me then. And along with this task, I still have that little count pending with you… you biting my ass playing the hero. I have a bad news for you, doc. I'm done finding strategies by now… I think I'll take a bit of fun with you here… alone and submissive like a kitten… I'll see what I can do to you… and I promise… I'll get you mewling on the floor before I'm done" _

_He stroked Derek's hair matching each word and Cristina shivered._

_Sheperd was coughing… he was pale, his hands were shaking a bit. He winced and tried to stand up, grimacing in pain. He was on his legs now, but he couldn't bring himself to straighten up, it was like all oxygen had left his lungs and drifted away. They all used the expression: like a punch in the stomach. And now he was really getting the real meaning of it. It was like drowning, like a static crossing your body and leaving you breathless. And it hurt. It really, fucking hurt. He finally raised to his full length just to meet Dunn's eyes. He was looking at him and Derek didn't know what he expected. He coughed again trying to breathe, it only made things worse. Dunn chuckled and hit him again, in the same way, in the same spot. Derek fell to his knees like an empty bag, groaning and coughing, his face resting on his kneecaps. Cristina closed her eyes, this was maddening and she wasn't sure how much she could take without doing anything. The throaty sound which had escaped Derek's lips had torn her heart. It had been deep and guttural… like a wounded animal. You wouldn't expect such a sound could exit a healthy man's body… She heard metal tickling metal, she opened her eyes and saw Derek's hands slipping down the pole, the handcuffs had entangled and slowed their fall, they finally touched the ground and Derek's fingers were scraping the floor shaking. _

"_You know… we can go on like this all day. Would you like it? I guess you didn't consider this when you decided to face me, did you? But the fact is that I widened my horizons while I was in jail, I got to know many interesting people and we used to share experiences and knowledge about hurting and causing pain. Knives are still my favorite but… there are a lot of methods I can use with you. I became quite an expert in theory, now I get the chance to practice a little bit"_

_Derek's eyes were closed, he was panting. His features contorted while he tried to recover. _

"_So… have you second thoughts? You can tell me…"_

_Cristina feared what was coming. _

_As Derek was not going to answer. As he was out of breath and as he didn't want to play this game anymore. If Dunn wanted to kill him, he could do it even now. No way he was playing the doormat any longer. He gritted his teeth and coughed. He waited for another blow but it didn't came. _

_Cristina's voice did. And despite what he got her promise, he had never been so happy to hear it like now._

"You just sucked all the air out of him… how in hell is he supposed to talk to you?"

Dunn's eyes moved lazily to her. He grinned and it froze her blood. He was excited.

"So we're in a deadlock here… If he doesn't talk I'm gonna hit him again… and if I hit him, he won't talk… How do we come out of here?" He chuckled and his eyes got darker. "Maybe I've just found some nice way to busy my time in the while". He made a step towards her, Cristina recoiled against the wall. His stare meant troubles.

"Just go to hell…"

Derek's shaky voice reached Dunn when he was three steps from Cristina. His head fell backwards and he chuckled. Cristina couldn't believe her ears. Was Sheperd crazy? He had got two minutes of piece and now… She swallowed realizing the truth. Now he had called Dunn back on him as he didn't want him to lash out on her. He was on his knees and panting but he had seen the way he was approaching her. And he had decided to man up. Cristina's heart clenched realizing the answer Derek hadn't vocalized. He had considered everything entering that room. He had chosen knowingly he could die or being hurt or anything. Her breath grew faster as she saw William closing the space between the two of them. He looked amused, he looked happy to have the chance to hurt him again. His eyes scanned his curled figure, he was trying to figure out where to kick to cause the worst pain. Derek's posture didn't allow him many chances and Cristina started to feel relieved. Maybe he will have to wait after all.

But then it happened. He waved his foot and impacted Derek's hand, trapped in the metal. A sickening crack filled the room. The violence of the blow and the friction metal to metal acted like a catalyst and Sheperd yelled out in pain. His wrist bent into an unnatural position and Cristina's breath hitched in her throat. Dunn had broken his right hand… just like that. And there was nothing which could give him more happiness right now. Derek had plummeted on one side, his fall made difficult by the handcuffs still keeping his hands hostages. He yelped out in pain again, writhing and hoping the change of position would bring him any solace. But it didn't. His wrist was swelling visibly and Cristina stood up only to stop when Dunn looked at her in defiance, daring her to do something.

"Yes, dr. Yang?"

She tried to push Derek's words out of her mind, he needed help. If his wrist kept swelling like this, he could have permanent damages to nerves and tendons, he needed ice, treatments… and in the short run he needed his hand out of that damned iron.

"You need to release his hand"

Dunn quirked his brow for the odd choice of words.

"I need what?" He chuckled. "Sorry, dr. Yang, I really don't need to do anything"

He walked away and sat on his chair, enjoying the sight of Sheperd whimpering on the floor. He wanted to play the hero… he'd meet his match. Dr. Yang kneeled beside him, stroking his hair quietly. Her eyes rested on his hand and she flinched. The fracture looked clean but she needed to take a closer view.

"Sheperd… Derek…" he opened his eyes and she stroked his cheek "can you straighten up?"

He nodded weekly and pushed with his good hand to move into a sitting position. He was at good point when he accidentally pulled and caused strain between his body and hand. He winced and lost balance. He was going to fall to the ground again but Cristina stop his body acting like a living mattress, she grabbed his shoulders and hold him up, supporting his arm and stopping him from hurt more. She steadied him using her knees and helped him up.

"Ok… ok… just breathe"

But he needed much more than breathing. She decided to give it another try.

"Dunn… please. Let me free this hand… just this one"

"Why would I do that?"

Yes, why? He was clearly fighting a nerve battles with Sheperd and he had found a way to make him crumble down. Second by second, this position was causing him pain. Why would he stop it? Her doctor's mind supplied her the answer.

"If we don't relieve the pressure on his wrist, it will keep swelling and he'll faint out of pain. Is that what you want?"

"No, I want him awake and alert. But why would you want the same thing?"

"As I don't want him to lose his hand. And I don't think you're concerned in his career so… we want the same thing… for different reasons but we want the same thing"

There was a point in her words, just it felt ridiculous. Yang was worrying about his future as neurosurgeon, maybe she hadn't clear the risk they were running in there, with him. Losing a hand was just the best thing which could happen to him. But he chose not to say it loud for now. He decided to play along her strategy. He stood up and stopped in front of a supply shutter, his detention had been a blur but he remembered seeing Yang and Grey pulling out ice chips from there. He found ice actually and he picked out a pack. He approached the two doctors, still sitting on the floor. His lips curled in a smile seeing Sheperd's strained face. He kneeled in front of him, at a safety distance, and locked his eyes with his.

"I'm sorry I had to teach you the hard way… Just keep in mind you have a lot of bones in there doc… and I know how to deal with any of them"

He shoved the ice in Cristina's lap and opened the lock constricting Derek's left hand. He took with pleasure all the winces and moans which escaped his lips during the operation. It turned out to be really difficult to free it, his wrist was so swelled up it didn't want to exit the ring space anymore. Every time Cristina tried to pull it out, she had to give up due to Derek's complains.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault"

His voice was barely audible, his eyes were closed and a layer of sweat had covered his forehead. His chest was raising and falling quickly, the normal pace raised by the lack of oxygen and the pain throbbing in his hand. Cristina felt depressed, there was no way she could free him without hurting him, really much. She wiped away the sweat which was dripping from his brows and decided she had to go through it. Derek read her resolution and nodded.

"Ok… just be quick"

"I'll be… and you'll stay with me, right?"

"I'm trying"

"Tell me when you're ready"

She focused on his distorted wrist deciding where to grip it. She closed her fingers around it and she felt sick for the expression displaying on Derek's face. Adjusting broken bones wasn't really her specialty and she tried to recover Torres's teaching from the drawers of her mind. She needed to be fast and decided, no lingering or it would be worse, no pause or she could severe something inside. She breathed out. Derek's eyes were closed and it didn't look like he was really ready for this.

"Sheperd… I'm ready"

"Ok…" his chest raised and fell quickly, he was trying to catch his breath not to scream out in pain. He took a deep inhale once again.

"Go"

She clenched his skin and pulled with all the strength she had. She tried to ignore his gritted teeth and the grimace of pain contorting his features. But the damned hand didn't want to know about coming out. Her stomach churned and she decided to try once more when she heard Derek wincing loudly. She yanked violently, forgetting about the good surgical techniques and Derek's scream of pain. Her eyes closed and she felt relieved when her hands gripped Sheperd's loose forearm.

* * *

Everything Meredith could hear in that room was the clock ticking.

It was the Chief's wall watch, it was old and simple, but her eyes couldn't leave it.

All the times she had been in there, she had never paid attention to it.

Its frame, its color, its brand.

She knew there was a clock somewhere but… she had never paid attention.

Now that ticking was driving her crazy.

As every round it made, she wasn't sure what was happening in that room. Every round it made, it could be Derek's and Cristina's last minute of life. Would she feel it? Would she know? Many shrinks said that we can feel when something bad happens to our loved ones, we perceive it. It's like their spirit comes and looks for us immediately, to say goodbye before going…. away. So we know. She had lived an experience like that once, with her mother. She had met her in a limbo, when she was between life and death herself. She hadn't needed for Derek to tell her, she already knew she was gone. And now she waited for some wind… anything… to breeze in her hair and tell her something awful had happened.

It was like treading on eggshells, it was breaking her nerves. And she couldn't allow to break down right now. As Falks had said she could help. And despite she didn't believe him, she couldn't help but answering his questions, pretend they had a plan, hope they would succeed. It was against all the odds but she had to trust those men.

Trust… the big deal.

Her heart had really thought Derek had abandoned her, left her. It had been so quick, yet so simple. Why was it so easy to her not to trust him? She wasn't healed, that was the answer. She wasn't really capable to trust any living person, she always waited for the con to come, for the secret wife to jump out of the closet, for the fateful choice to be picked.

"_Oh… you're staying with her"_

"_She's my wife"_

Her heart couldn't embrace happiness, it couldn't embrace to belong to anybody, to let someone in. The first test she had to face, she immediately took the worst scenario. She shut up like a clam and staffed the world out.

And it sensed blasphemous, it sensed sacrilegious now she had the ultimate prove of Derek's sincerity to her.

"Dr. Grey…"

She looked up, her eyes red and puffy. This man had told Derek to mistrust Dunn. She had mistrusted the two of them instead.

He sat in front of her sighing. Maybe he was worried she would break up… she wouldn't… she wouldn't… She kept repeating that and waited for his words.

"I know you were under stress… I know you're worried. But it's of vital importance you try to be as precise as possible"

"Ok"

"Why did you end up in Dunn's room? Dr. Webber told me you were removed from the case in the morning…"

Why was this so meaningful now?

"Cristina texted me to join her there…"

"Why?"

"She wrote Dunn was leaving and wanted to say goodbye… but…."

She swallowed and sighed, she had to know better Cristina wouldn't do anything like this. Not after all the troubles this case had brought to her job and relationship. But she had fallen in the trap like a stupid boy scout.

"But?"

"She never wrote that message. It was him… he took her cell and texted me…"

"But you didn't find it strange…"

"No…"

"Not even after you were told you were off the case…"

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"No"

"What happened when you got in there?"

"There was nobody and I thought he was gone… Then…" she closed her eyes remembering the evil appearance "the door closed behind my back and it was him"

"Where was dr. Yang?"

"In the bathroom… on the floor… she was bleeding… conscious but bleeding"

"Did you see my men?"

Meredith looked up to him, in the shock of the events she had completely forgotten the guards. Two men had died. They had been killed. Doing their job. They were supposed to go home tonight… and they wouldn't. A woman was waiting for her husband and he wouldn't show up. A child would be waiting for his dad… he wouldn't see him again. Her heart clenched once again. Her own tragedy had deleted everything else. She had been egoistic and she couldn't stand it anymore. She started sobbing again when the truth sank in. Falks looked to her and shook his head to Brandon. This woman wasn't going to give them anything… they had to go by their own knowledge. He stood up to consult with his coworkers but Webber stop him.

"What are you doing?"

Falks sighed, resigned.

"She won't tell us anything, Webber. Just give her something and let her rest"

"No"

"Excuse me?"

"You can't give up like that…"

"What am I supposed to do? Yell at her? She's in shock…"

"How could she not? But I know her… she can do that… and you need it…"

Falks looked at his clock, Jermin had given him two hours before bursting in the room, hostages in or out, he sighed and Richard got it was time to insist if he wanted to avoid a carnage.

"Let me talk to her"

"You've got five minutes…"

He walked away and Webber breathed out, he wasn't so sure he could do that after all. But he had to try. He turned around and sat near Meredith. He stroke her shoulders, trying to soothe and calm her. He had seen Derek doing that so many times in the hallways. Only it worked. Now… everything seemed worthless.

"Meredith… you need to listen to me"

She shook her head, her sobs not subsiding.

"I know you're scared… I know you're worried. But you need to calm down now…"

Her shoulders kept shaking, her whimpers growing in intensity.

"Meredith… You need to close everything out and tell Falks what you remember. I know it looks stupid and useless but it's not. It's the only chance they have to get what to do. And this choice… is everything. Just do it for Derek and Cristina…"

"Don't…" she looked up in anger, her eyes shining in a furious look "don't you dare to come here and tell me to do something for them! I did something already! I almost killed them…"

"Meredith…"

"I was told to keep my distance and I didn't do it… I gave the chance to him to hurt everyone like this. He killed two men… and now… God… if something happens to them I…"

She bent forward, sobbing again, the whole weight of gone and maybe going lives hanging on her shoulders.

"If someone happens to Derek, we'll be all responsible… I didn't stop him… I let him come in there to help you as there was no way he would stop. But now… now you need to do the same, Meredith"

"It's not the same!"

"But it's all you can do. And it doesn't matter if it's much or less… it's everything you can do. So please… do it… Don't let guilt crush you as it's not time yet… It's not time… It's time to do whatever we can to help them… It's that time…"

He wiped her tears away fighting his own and she nodded sniffling.

"Ok…" he nodded to Falks and the officer came close again. Meredith heard the chair squeaking under his weight.

"Dr. Grey…"

She sniffled.

"I didn't see them immediately… they were…" she closed her eyes as the memory still caused her pain "they are under the bed… I didn't see them"

"Could you tell me how he killed them?"

She shook her head.

"There was blood?"

"I don't…" she shrugged. She hadn't seen anything "I didn't see it… I just… don't know it"

"Think about it, it's important. Maybe you didn't see anything but maybe Dunn said something… did something…"

Meredith closed her eyes and tried to rewind the awful hours she had spent in there. Dunn had never said anything about those two poor men. Cristina hadn't either and she had assumed everything happened before the both of them were attracted in there. She was going to shake her head again when a fragment of memory entered her brain.

"He went to the bathroom to clean something… I didn't see what it was as he had it hidden under the gown but… it was long and thin… maybe it's nothing but…"

"It's something instead… thank you"

She nodded, her courage raising up a bit.

"I assume he took control of the weapons my guards had with them… I know them… Was there something else in the room he could use?"

She flinched. Falks hadn't finished the sentence but her brain did for her.

"_Was there something else in the room he could use to hurt dr. Sheperd and Yang?"_

"A little scalpel… maybe a forceps… but I'm not sure. I didn't take part to the morning medication… I saw something on the tray but I didn't pay attention"

Falks nodded delusional, this information was really important to him. Dunn had a really high opinion of his killer qualities. A gun was important but Falks was not so worried about that for the well being of the hostages. He wouldn't shoot them. Unless he felt threatened and out of options. Which sounded out of question here. If he had knives or something good to cut with… well… the chances for those doctors to come out alive would get much slimmer. And his strategies would change. He tried to pose the question again.

"Take your time and think about it"

Meredith closed her eyes and then shook her head.

"I'm sorry… It's all I remember"

He nodded to her and gave her a small smile of encouragement. She had tried to make her best even if it was not enough.

"I could try to ask the nurse if she remembers the equipment they set for Dunn's tray"

"Can she really remember that?"

"I don't know. But I can make an attempt"

"Ok… just be discreet"

"Ok"

Webber stood up and left the room, probably heading to the pit. Falks smiled to Meredith.

"Thank you, dr. Grey. I know it was tough but… thank you"

He turned around, ignoring the silent prayer he could read in the doctor's eyes.

He had more urgent problems now…

He had to convince Jermin to keep his team out of the area for another hour or so.

Richard marched down the hallway to the pit trying to relieve all the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He had to look like an enraged horn as everybody made a step down seeing him, they busied themselves pretending to do something, He was in the pissed-chief mode, his nostrils almost flaring with rage. Only it was not anger, it was fear.

He was too old for this. He was too old for handling this. And he didn't find solace thinking no chief would probably have to face a situation like that, he had now and for the first time in years he felt unsuitable. Even the bomb had gone much better in compare. They had lost a man and got some nurses and doctor hurt but… he had lived it like a success. The hospital hadn't blown up and all his people were fine. End of the bad day. Here… even getting all his hopes up he wouldn't bet on it. He pushed bad thoughts away together with the door leading to the pit. There was nobody in the ER and he spotted nurse Mary… again… immediately.

"Mary"

She smiled brightly seeing him.

"Yes Chief? What do I owe the pleasure to have you here in the shallows this time of the night?"

Yes, why?

He had promised discretion but now he realized he hadn't decided a strategy or an excuse which wouldn't sound lame or suspicious. He hadn't many encounters with nurses lately and, when he had, it was to burst the news of cuts and upcoming mass firings. They didn't love him so much anymore. Maybe he had to use the hateful idea they had grown to have about him.

Why would the Chief be there in a late hour?

Not to be nice and funny of course, but to complain and scold them. His jaw tensed and nurse Mary stood at attention.

"I need the list of equipments you set on trays this morning in the surgical area"

She quirked a brow, surprise and astonishment clear on her face.

"Excuse me? I think I might have…"

"No, you heard fine" he stretched the word and nurse Mary closed her arms across her chest. "I was reported several instruments never went back to the storage area tonight. I'm tired of providing stuff to all the poor fellows who use hospital properties to fournish their own homes. I want the lists, now"

"We don't do lists, chief, you should know that"

"You do them even if it's not listed in the inner procedures. And now I need those lists" Mary looked doubtful and Richard decided to force the situation. She was trying to defeat his authority as, in this, she had full reason. Nobody could oblige her to provide him an unofficial document, especially if the unofficial document had to purpose to spank someone. A college, maybe. Another nurse to lose in the name of fool and senseless budget contractions.

"I'm waiting here"

He put all his strength in those words and she snorted walking away.

Nurses respected him. Nurses feared him. And now, for sure, they hated him. He didn't care. He had succeeded in forgetting for three minutes and he was thankful for that.

Nurse Mary reappeared out of a door holding some papers. She looked nervous.

"We didn't prepare many this morning… one for Bailey's patient, one for Keller, Heather took one to make rounds downstairs… and one for dr. Sheperd"

She was looking at the papers, flipping pages like she wanted to take every detail to fight future complains from the chief. He stretched his hand and she hesitantly held them to him.

"It's not fair you use that stupid stuff to yell at someone… I could have forgotten to write something"

"You didn't… and you can't know how grateful I am about that right now"

He left her on the spot and marched towards the exit. When the door swung closed behind his back he took the hand written page.

Sheperd.

The heading was simple.

A name.

His name.

But it tore his heart.

He had asked for instruments and tools not knowing it would mean potential mortal danger.

Routine which could turn out to be lethal.

Gauzes. Disinfectant. Patches. Bandages.

Dunn had endured the second brain surgery in two days, he had wires and catheters connected to his body and he knew that Derek was who he was for the care and attention he devoted to his patients in the first hours. He checked everything personally, he attended the first medications personally. As an infected incision and IV could leave to disastrous complications. People underestimated post op, once the surgery was done, they thought to be out of the woods. But Webber had taught his residents and students that the moments following surgery were just as delicate and decisive as the actions accomplished in the OR. And Sheperd had learned the lesson perfectly.

Forceps, scalpel (blade 2), scissors.

He stopped, his eyes grew wider and he looked up feeling tears building up.

This was a double violence.

It was violence by nature. And double as brought with familiar and friendly tools.

Surgeons dreamt about scalpels, the most renown owned their own sets, old, fancy, historic items found at shows and specialized markets.

They were meant to save people.

And the last word was the one who hurt him more.

Derek had always been a fanatic of scissors. And every nurse of SGH knew he hated small ones delegated to be used in rounds. He said they had been engineered for right hand people and, despite he was such himself, he held them with his other limb. So he needed bigger. And he used them to severe bandages and gauzes, to cut wires and even to prepare stupid, funny paper animals when he had baby patients.

Derek was a great doctor, but above all, he was an honorable man, he'd make a wonderful father one day. He never was afraid to lose five minutes to crack a joke, to give a smile when the patient needed it; despite the success and the celebrity rolling down his name, he hadn't changed a bit in relationships and attitudes towards sick people. He had grown a bit arrogant and self confident, but to colleges. He treated his patients the same way he treated them when he was an intern and then a resident. And this made him different form all doctors Richard had known, including himself. Great professional ended up barricaded in their offices and Ors, inaccessible to people, buried in dimwit studies and researches. Derek kept the human side of his job, he valued it, he liked to grow and learn but would never give up on direct relationships and interaction. Still, he always found the balance between compassion and involvement. He never took a step forward. And Richard regretted this. Had he done, probably he wouldn't been working on Dunn's case, he would screw up and be replaced. And he wouldn't be in that damned room with his life attached to a spider web thread. He closed the thought out snorting and decided to catch an elevator to go back to his office. He stopped right in front of one where another man was waiting. Webber looked him up and down, he wasn't a doctor and for sure he wasn't a visitor. He was looking around curious but his interest wasn't out of need, he hadn't get lost, he didn't seem to be looking for anything in particular.

"Can I help you, sir?"

The man looked at him frowning. He was clearly wondering what the hell he wanted from him.

"I'm dr. Webber… Chief of Surgery. I was wondering if you needed indications or help"

The man's eyes narrowed at the mention of his qualification.

"Chief of surgery? I thought big shots worked few hours in the afternoon…" he looked at his clock "it's kind of late to be here"

Webber ignored the comment, he wanted to be nice, if he didn't want help, it was his problem. He looked up to the lights and snorted seeing the elevator was far from coming yet.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be rude… I'm Josh Wills"

"Nice to meet you"

Webber wasn't nice at all. He didn't look at the man, he was done doing the welcome committee.

"Actually… I work for the Seattle Press" Webber turned to look at him stunned, his throat going dry immediately "My editor-in-chief sent me here to find news about William Dunn" he yawned "you know how chiefs are… they are afraid to lose the scoop if they wait for decent hours"

Webber decided to be funny.

"It must be genetic… chiefs suck"

The man chuckled, the doors opened and they went in.

"So… despite I get its late night and you came here on purpose, I don't waste your time and I tell you Dunn was brought back to Caldwell so… whatever you look for, I guess it's not here anymore"

The doors opened and Richard stepped out.

"That's my floor" he smiled to the man "It was a pleasure to meet you, mr. Wills"

"Me too"

"Just remember there are sick people here. You just can't go around like you want… Say Taylor he wasted your sleep"

"Do you know him?"

"I've been chief for 9 years. I do know him. Good night"

Mr. Wills stared at the doctor walking away. He had been told to be careful as the man could be really harsh and impolite. This wasn't the case. He had been cooperative and available. Maybe he had taken pity on him. And having a journalist walking through the hospital in the middle of the night wasn't surely on his top list of wishes. He pressed the button to go downstairs and leaving this place. His editor had pulled a boner and he wanted to go home to sleep.

He arrived finally in the desert hallway and marched through the doors, the sparkling wind bit his skin and he shivered. He spotted his car in the parking lot across the street. There was nobody at that time and he smiled to himself, last time he had come to SGH he had taken 2 hours to find a spot. Only he was not there for amusement, his wife didn't feel good and he had finally left his car on a sidewalk being rewarded with a fine. Now everything was desert but for a man walking towards the entrance. Despite the distance between the two of them, he could hear he was agitated, he felt it from his tone. Poor guy… probably someone not feeling too good. He made some step towards the car when he overheard something which caught his attention and made him stop dead in his truck.

"I don't care what you're saying. You've being doing it for over three hours and I want an answer. Where the hell is Dunn? He can be a PDR but this doesn't mean you can hide him from me forever. No, don't bother doing it. I'm in SGH myself"

He staffed his cell in the pocket of his jacket and disappeared in the hospital not knowing of his audience. Wills picked out his own phone and dialed a number, happy to spoil his chief's night.

"It's me. I think you were right. Something is wrong down here"


	13. WEAKNESSES

Hey guys, here I am. It took me long as I had to decide what to do of this fic.

Now I did.

I hope you'll enjoy and review. Please, do it. I notice I have new followers, please spend two minutes to let me know what you think, I have also room if you want something particular going on... anyway... I'll explain this in the end of the chapter.

* * *

Derek's eyes were closed and his mind was trying to escape somewhere else.

Somewhere he wasn't hostage, somewhere he wasn't in mortal danger, somewhere he wasn't in pain, somewhere he could feel not under constant pressure.

Everywhere… but here.

He was tired. He had been even before, when he was on his way home, on his way to a warm shower and a good dinner. Then the first hours of exhaustion waiting for news, the time spent in continuous stress in Richard's office. Then the hours spent in here, maltreated and without food or the chance to rest.

He could feel every part of his body ache.

And above all his hand. The wrist was really killing him.

He cradled it in his lap, trying to avoid every movement and action. And eye contact.

Derek had never been impressionable when it came to wounds or injuries, he was a doctor after all. But staring at his precious hand shattered and battered caused him to flinch every time. In other circumstances he would be freaking out about his career and the time to recover completely. Now… this thought was far far away. As he was perfectly aware he had more pressing problems right now. First of all step out of that room alive and on his legs. It could sound a little detail usually… today it was the core of everything. For him and Cristina too.

His lips twitched upwards realizing Yang was doing all that he neglected.

Since they had crouched on the floor, she was acting like a nurse, adjusting ice, preparing him packages, sighing as apparently her treatments were proving to be useless.

Derek's eyes opened lazily, his eyelashes battled a couple of times before his irises adjusted to light. Cristina was right beside him, her hands were softly touching his forearm, placing a bandage in the while.

"You can stop, Cristina. I'm fine"

He rolled his head backwards, resting against the wall, sighing. She had stopped moving and her brown eyes were fixed on his face.

"I thought you were sleeping…"

"No"

He stretched his legs and back the best he could. He grimaced in the while.

"Can you move your fingers?"

"I guess I could but…" he lowered his eyes on his hand "it hurts"

"I know. But it's really important you do it. You'll keep the blood flow regular, avoid soreness and dumbness"

She was massaging the palm of his limb, stroking each finger to keep them in movement and active.

"Till we don't know the damages… it's the least we can do"

"I know but… I think I have worst problems by now"

"Worst that your million dollars hand could be severely injured? I don't think so"

Derek looked at her quickly but Cristina was avoiding his stare. And even something else. Maybe it was her way to cope with this situation, to keep calm and rationality. He shook his head thinking that he had no right to startle her from this. If Yang felt good building this reality, he wouldn't be the one to break it. He pushed his back against the wall better he could and closed his eyes, breathing in and out. A cough shook his torso and he instinctively brought a hand on his stomach. The gesture didn't go unnoticed to Cristina.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah"

"Maybe I should feel your abdomen… check you"

"I'm fine"

"You could have a tear… be hemorrhaging…"

Derek chuckled. He wasn't a super hero but apparently Cristina was starting to freak out again. She was a surgeon, a doctor. What she had just assumed was against all the odds.

"I'm fine…"

"How is it that you find this funny?"

Her face was blank and serious. She was really worried for him.

"I'm sorry… I've just had a flashback of my college years… when Mark used to drag me into his mess and he always ended up in some crazy roughhouse. I used to jump in to save his ass and got my nose broken once… Those were… worse times"

She looked at him knowing he was lying. A fist fight couldn't be worse than this. But Derek apparently was… had been a person… very different from what she knew now. Maybe he had lost his track somewhere after his father's death. He had become a problem boy… a hothead. The thought immediately left her brain. This wasn't possible.

Derek was a responsible man. He surely had taken good care of his mother and sisters. He had tried to be the man of the family, probably succeeded, he wasn't the band type. He was just trying to be optimist and reassure her. Making conversation. She could do it as well.

"I had some too"

She sat near him, her hands finally resting in her lap.

"Did you?"

"Of course… What do you think? That women don't fight?"

"Sorry if I look naïf but… I did. My sisters never got into a jam and Addison… seriously… she was too scared to break her nails to do something like that…"

"I did a great fighter"

"I guess you did… It was one of Mark's favorite fantasy"

Cristina's eyes snapped open.

"What?"

"Women… struggling. He also brought me to one of those clubs in New York… where women fought in the mud"

"That's horrible…"

Derek smiled as he got she was figuring her hands tasting dirt and mire. She wasn't bothered by the idea of two women beating each other.

"Don't ever tell Meredith…"

"It depends on what you'll give in reward…."

"What would you want?"

"Surgeries?"

"We'll see"

He breathed out closing his eyes again and Cristina looked at him. Every time she did, sadness splashed on her head like a cascade. She had never felt so powerless as now. As she couldn't bring herself to say anything, she couldn't do more that putting ice on a fracture. And the world was spinning out of control. She swallowed and she knew her voice was going to shake even before talking.

"Thank you for… before"

Derek's Adam apple blobbed in his throat. He didn't say anything. His eyes stayed shut.

"You just… you…" she shook her head not finding the proper words. Sheperd seemed to be closed behind a wall, nothing seemed to reach him. She sniffled and looked away. The loneliness she felt disappeared when a warm, soft, strong hand closed around her fingers.

"It's fine"

Nothing was fine. This crap wasn't. And he either. He looked so calm though. She didn't get how he could be. She squeezed his hand back and Derek looked at her.

"How can you think I'd stay here and not… if he…" she trailed off shaking her head and Derek swallowed. The question popped out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"How could you think I'd abandon Meredith?"

Cristina looked away, she wiped her face trying to put order in her thoughts. It was so damn difficult. Usually her mind was an ordered, efficient computer. It staffed things, it recorded details, it restored information. It resettled and processed feelings. Here… a bug had entered it. It was not easy to explain. It was awfully hard. She looked in front of her and her eyes met Dunn. He had stopped doing whatever he was doing, a grin creeping on his face. He had been listening all this time.

"Answer that, dr. Yang. It's a pretty interesting question"

* * *

Webber slammed the door behind his back once entered the office. He stopped closing his eyes shut and breathing out. He didn't know how long he stayed there, he thought the moment of weakness had lasted a few milliseconds… but it wasn't like that. Everyone had noticed it.

"Are you ok, dr. Webber?"

Falk's voice sounded from behind his desk. He opened his eyes and a wave of anger invested him in full force realizing the officer had taken his place. It wasn't jealousy, it wasn't an authority issue. It was about respect. He would never take another's man place without permission and during his absence. But apparently these people had a different training and different sensibility. And this wasn't the right time to argue or feel offended about this.

"I'm not… We have a problem"

Falk stood up, the Chief's face was really strained and he feared his words before even listening.

"What?"

"I met a journalist downstairs"

"What?"

"He was going around snooping"

"Damn it"

Falks raked a hand in his hair and Webber felt more worried than ever. It was the first time he had the feeling they were losing the control of this. Brandon approached him in the middle of the room.

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I asked him if I could help and told him Dunn was gone… I think he left"

Falk's radio buzzed and he took it.

"Falk"

Richard didn't like his expression, it meant troubles.

"Are you sure it's him? No… no… it's pointless at this point… Just take him here"

He interrupted the communication and sighed.

"Dunn's lawyer is here… Brig is taking him here now" He adjusted the radio in his belt and approached Richard, his eyes resting on the paper he had been holding the whole time.

"Did you get the information from the nurses?"

"Yes"

Webber didn't say anything else, he just handled him the list. Falk scanned the little words and then showed it to Jermin. He walked to the desk again stroking his eyes. Webber wasn't an officer, he wasn't a negotiator. But he got that this was a decisive moment. He had read something he hadn't liked and was trying to decide what to do.

"What will you do?"

"I don't know"

Falk's voice sounded defeated. Their eyes met and for the first time Webber saw the man beyond the uniform. Even if he had tried to be and sound self confident, it was clear that, by now, he wasn't anymore. Richard didn't know if this was good or not. Someone knocked energetically and Falk's decision came back to his face. He walked quickly to the door and opened it. His arm stayed mid air, his eyes resting on the man in front of him.

He was elegantly dressed despite the early hour, a pissed expression written all over his face.

"I guess you owe me an explanation"

"I don't think so, Trent"

These two didn't like each other, that was crystal clear. Webber flinched when the supposed Dunn's lawyer shoved Falk's arm away and stepped in the room uninvited. His brows arched in question when he noticed all the people inside.

"What are you doing here?"

"Trying to work out this mess…"

"Falk… I want to see him"

"You can't"

"I have been calling all day yesterday. And your secretary reassured me he was fine and coming back tonight. And there I was, waiting for him. And nobody showed up. And even cared to tell me what the hell is wrong with him. If someone screwed up here…"

"Don't you dare…" Webber's eyes sparkled in anger and the new arrival looked at him stunned.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Richard Webber and I'm the Chief of surgery here. This is my hospital and we gave your client the best possible care. Even if he didn't want it. Even if he tried to force the system more than once. And you won't come here to imply anything different… not now… not ever… Not now…"

Something switched off in his eyes and he walked away. Trent got something was really strange in here. There were a lot of people… really a lot.

A female doctor was sitting on the couch, cuddled up in a blanket, her head resting on a man's shoulder. It didn't take a shrink to get she had cried, a lot. All of them. Another man was torturing his hands, his hair was disheveled, his eyes wandered everywhere without knowing where to stop. A doctor? He didn't know him… he didn't know. The general attorney was there too, busied in a phone call. Trent addressed Falk again.

"What's going on, Andrew?"

His voice was gentler this time, there was no accusation.

"Dunn has killed my guards"

The lawyer's eyes narrowed in shock.

"What?"

"And has taken some doctor hostage. It's a mess, Vince. I really don't know how to take him out without having more people hurt… killed. He has weapons and is more than ready to use them"

Trent lowered his head, his eyes met Webber's again. He was young, really young. Probably he had taken this case out of pity… or he had been appointed public defender. Richard remembered he had read how nobody wanted to take Dunn's defense. Fate had chosen this guy. If treating someone charged of something so horrible was difficult, defending him in a court should be almost unbearable. How could this Vince Trent doing it… Richard wasn't so sure he wanted to know.

The line between the right to be represented and defended and lie was so thin in justice that the answers could be many. Trent could be a boy scout at the beginning of his career, probably tying to scrape a living at the beginning of his activity, paying bills and his expensive university studies, obliged to take every duty and job the court assigned him. Or he could be a shark, trying to get publicity, trying to show that Dunn was a poor fellow, a kid abused and raised to be nothing that a social danger. Everyone had left him alone and he had grown to be a killer, nothing more, nothing less.

Webber was a mature man, he had hard times to define himself old… mature sounded better. He had witnessed along his life a lot of horrifying, blood curling acts of crime news. And, following these cases on newspapers and networks, he had grown to hate lawyers. He was ashamed of himself, he'd have difficulties to say it out loud, but he had grown to hate them. As they manipulated reality and truth to give their clients a better chance. Science was not a true subject in their hands. As one expert got black from an evidence, another white. He had a dear friend who had been practicing for decades. He had posed him this question several times. He got why lawyers had to defense these people, that they had to make sure each trial worked out regularly, that every person had the necessary and professional assistance. But this was one thing… helping respecting facts and truth. Another was forcing them, bend reality to lies to have a more advantageous verdict.

Their path had crossed this evening. Richard hoped his prejudices wouldn't cloud his judgment. Maybe he could have a good ascendancy over Dunn. Maybe he could talk him out of this.

"Let me talk to him"

Falk's face hardened to this request but Richard had learnt to read him in these long hours made of silences and sighs. He had already thought about it, considered this chance and dropped it.

"I don't think it would serve…"

"Why do you say so? He asked to have a way out?"

"No, of course not. He knows I wouldn't let him. Hostages or not, he won't come out of this free"

"So what does he want?"

"He wanted to… meet a doctor… one of his doctors. He wanted to talk to this guy or whatever"

"And you won't send him in there, will you?"

"He is already. I… we just don't know what he wants to achieve"

"Let me know what happened… I have spent hours… days with him. Maybe I can help you"

"With all due respect, as you can see I have already dr. Brandon here to read his mind and analyze his behavior"

"And with all due respect, you've just said he didn't obtain anything"

Brandon stood up, he didn't look angry or disappointed by Trent's assessment.

"You're right, I didn't. And I'm ready to tell you whatever you want if you think you can be more successful"

The young lawyer nodded and looked to Falk.

"Andrew?"

The officer nodded sighing.

"We'll make another try with him. But I warn you all. It's the last. Brig has found a possible way in for a camera. In less than an hour we could try to take a look and then decide what to do. I give you half an hour and then you'll call him. Dr. Webber… I guess they may need your help"

Richard rolled his eyes. They were at the starting point all over again.

* * *

William was walking back and forth in front of Derek and Cristina.

He had spent the last minutes playing with a cell, getting a lot of amazing and juicy news. It wasn't time to use them yet though. His two guests had raised a more interesting topic. Something he had been willing to explore from the very beginning. Dr. Grey and dr. Yang had been fighting during his hospitalization, but it was clear they were friends, they had a good relationship, a good feeling. Grey and Sheperd were lovers. Something which upset him. But Sheperd and Yang… what were they? Not friends of course, not lovers… not enemies. What then?

Things looked to be complicated between the two of them.

Prove was that the quick tempered female doctor had rushed against Sheperd and ran him away with names and hits, she had truly believed he was jeopardizing Grey's health for his own advantage, sign that he wasn't her hero. He had the feeling this was an old story, an old heritage of mistrust and wrongs.

He had probably found himself the answer through the cell and its unlimited resources. But hearing these two would be more fun of course.

"So... We are both waiting"

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

Dr. Yang was smart, this was given. But if she thought this sentence would be enough... He giggled. This was enough for the moment not to be invited more incisively to answer him. For everything else... She needed to spill out more than it.

"You're clever, doctor. And bold even. But it was clear you thought our doctor here had dumped your friend into my hands. It's starting to become a habit from you women... How do you always think dr. Sheperd doesn't deserve your trust... a chance?"

"Really... I don't know what you're talking about"

"Sure...and you?"

Derek opened his eyes and they locked with Dunn. He swallowed trying to process quickly what to do. It was useless to deny what had happened, it would just make him angry. Cristina hadn't trusted him, but they could turn this to their advantage maybe.

"I think she just thought I lost my nerve"

Cristina stopped fidgeting with her scrub pants. She didn't think Derek would answer, but he did. His voice was calm and his words made pretty sense. She turned to look at him. With the corner of her eye she saw William walking away and sitting on the chair lazily.

"It would make sense... If it wasn't you served me your girlfriend on a silver plate in the while. This is more than losing courage. It's a trust issue. I guess we've already touched it and I believed Grey. I need to give it a second thought now. Why do these girls give you so little credit?"

"Maybe they think this situation would be tiring and exhausting for everyone"

"True... But she called you a bastard..." his dark pupils set on Cristina and she flinched. "Not for the first time, my guess"

"I underestimated him... I underestimated his cold blood"

"Uhm uhm... that's all? As I had the strong feeling from the very beginning that you don't look to like each other so much... Am I wrong?"

Sheperd's eyes were closed, Dunn lingered on Cristina and she breathed out.

"We are not friends... He's my boss"

"Who fucks your best friend, this is supposed to make you closer than colleagues"

Cristina saw Derek's mouth opening a bit. She could feel his breathing speed up but he kept silent. She didn't need further explication to understand he had flinched hearing his relationship with Meredith defined as a dirty sex affaire. The sound had been really awful and, to her shame and disappointment, she remembered to have defined it such herself. Many times. Even recently. She swallowed to fight the lump in her throat and tried to reason.

"We don't double date"

"You don't like him?"

"I don't double date"

"You think he's not right for her?"

"It's not my business"

"What kind of friend are you then?"

"A very good one"

"But you haven't the nerve to tell your friend... sister that her boyfriend is an ass"

"Even if I did, she wouldn't care"

"So you do think it... That he's an ass..."

Cristina contemplated her chances, William had trapped her, brought her to say what he wanted her to say. She had no way back from here.

"He did mistakes"

"And you can't forgive him?"

"It's not..."

"... your job to do it, right... But Grey did. Or she said she did. What's your deal with him?"

"I have no deal. How do you want me to say it to you?!"

Her voice raised in timber and volume and Dunn's face got serious, his pupils contracted and Cristina got the impression to be in front of a snake, awaken from the hibernation and ready to bite. Derek was alert too now, Yang's outburst had produced a double effect: it had startled William and bothered him, it had proved him, if he needed it, that something was really lacking between him and Cristina. The problem now was how coming out of this hole. As one thing was sure: Dunn wasn't going to give it ack, he was going to insist, to press, push and pull. And there was nothing they could do to avoid it. At this point he was even sure it wasn't worth. Cristina and him were different people, different ages, different background. There was no obligation between the two of them to get along, they both loved Meredith, at their own way and it was enough. They were two meaningful presences, with separated roles and figures. They didn't need to melt, Meredith didn't need this. She needed two persons with two minds and hearts, sometimes disagreeing. Sometimes on the same line. There was no shame in admitting this.

"She doesn't like me. As I'm from New York, I'm loud and friendly. I'm egoistic and arrogant. And she's right the opposite"

"Do you think so? It looks to me she has a big luggage or arrogance after herself too... And she's egoistic too. Otherwise she'd have noticed I was getting to her friend. But she was too taken in her stupid fight to open her eyes. Or she did and she pretended not to... What is it, Yang? You were enjoying the lover's quarrel?"

"No"

"I happen to disagree. You reported to your so called boss every mistake Grey made. If you were a real friend, you'd talk to her and have her reason. But you were too busy in destroying her reputation and put her in bad light to do that"

Cristina sighed stroking her eyes, it felt horrible how real and true these words sounded. Right now she understood that Dunn had fooled them all. He had been manipulating them since he arrived, playing with their fights, their weaknesses, their silences all time long. He had fully understood each of them, their personalities, their strengths, he had immediately smelled how he could use each of them.

"You don't know me"

Cristina's voice sounded horribly weak and fragile and Derek breathed out. William had broken her. He had dismantled her certainties, annihilated everything she believed in. He had played his cards far too good and the young woman was now a puppet in his hands. Sheperd looked carefully at him while he stood up and kneeled right in front of her, a grin creeping his lips. He stretched his empty arm, his fingers brushing Cristina's chin. His other hand gripped a gun tightly, the cold metal bumping into his bent knee.

"Oh... I guess I do instead. You and dr. Grey... You're like open books. I could tell you your stories if you want. Do you want me?"

She didn't answer, she snorted pushing his hand away, her eyes stubbornly avoiding his. Dunn chuckled even more satisfied.

"Let's see... Dr. Grey is a young, idealistic woman. She wants to give anyone second chances as she believes everyone deserves one, but herself. She has deep trust issues, she doesn't like authority and protocols. In the fight between right and wrong she has hard times to split one from the other, she thought I was a horrible man but still a man. The two of you are friends but the are taboos in your relationship. You're both doctors but you're more competitive, focused, concentrated. She tends to get lost somewhere. Especially when her boyfriend is concerned too. She has hard times to face him on work, she doesn't and just does what she wants, pretty sure she'll never pay the consequences of it. As she keeps him from his balls. I don't know why... Better I do but I will keep it for me, it's not time for it yet... She has never told me anything bout her youth but she got all understanding and believed me when I told her I got beaten. And this makes me think her childhood was crappy too. Do you think this fits her?"

Some tear rolled down Cristina's cheek and she wiped it away.

"Do you think this fits?" he hit the wall close to her face and Cristina jumped on the spot, instinctively protecting her face. She closed her eyes when his loud voice roared in her ears, close... Too close. Derek shifted in protest but Dunn aimed the gun at him and he stopped.

"Just sit... So, dr. Yang?"

She was crying, her voice echoed in the room broken and slow.

"Yes..."

"Good... Let's draw your profile now... You're an over achiever, you want to be the best and this collides with your idea of friendship and love. You try to keep emotions in control and hate compromises. There's no room for mistakes in your life; who screws up is going to pay for it. I don't disagree with this idea but... being on the other part of the barricade this time, it was kind of irritating. Your eyes are wide open on the world, you don't think anyone does nothing for nothing, you always expect people to ask for something in change, you know people can lie and take advantage of it, you don't like it, but you know it. And use it if this serves you. Your career is everything you care as you are scared to leave room to anything else. And being left behind. You want to appear strong but you're not... you're not. Here is the evidence... No fun"

He raised to his full height and made some step away, he approached the tray and sipped some water, his eyes still showing contempt for Cristina. He squashed the bottle once finished drinking, his mind dangerously switching the bottle neck to others necks. His belly jolted in satisfaction. He had hammered her self assurance, turned her into a sobbing mess. It had been easier than expected. And this disappointed him a bit. As he had achieved another target and the reasons to stay in there were quickly decreasing. He had one more left. One he hoped would repay him for everything, one which would become his last achievement.

He had discussed this hundreds of times during his psych sessions in jail. The shrink had tried to tell him out but, dozens and dozens of meetings later, he had still the same conviction. Every human being was vulnerable and voluble. Every human being would sell his soul to survive. Every human being would take back moral principles and ideals in front of death. As the spirit of survival was more intense than every force of nature. Now he just had to find the borders of this man's limits.

* * *

Mr. Trent had taken off his jacket and expensive tie, he had rolled his sleeves and was working as hard as he could in the interest of anyone.

Of the doctors prisoners, of their families, of William Dunn.

He didn't want him to be shot from a keyhole, he didn't want him o be shot down like a deer in the woods. This case had been his own failure, a loss. Under many points of view.

First of all he hadn't succeeded in avoiding him death penalty. He was sure he would... There were many psychological surveys to support his arguments. But both judge and jury proved to be insensitive to this man's youth, to his education, to the example he got from his parents. They unanimously condemned him to death.

He thought Dunn would reject him as lawyer but he didn't. He looked... far, absent, like everything of this didn't concern him. They kept contact for all the years he spent in exile in California, calm, dormant years as the trial was over and it was not time to appeal yet. Then he was brought back to Caldwell and things changed. Radically. Or he changed, Trent didn't know. Maybe reality settled and he got the chance to study papers without the emotion and the need to believe he was doing the right thing, he finally drank every gory detail of William's actions, finally got what he had done. There was no explanation to this, every murder he had committed, he wanted it. Right in that way, right for that reason. No reason. He had deserved what he had got. As citizen, he was aware of it. As professional, he had to try to better his situation and it's what he did. He tried every way, every possible chance the system allowed him. But every door was barred and he achieved a long list of denials and refusals. William hadn't looked so disappointed though. He kind of expected it. He had changed too in the years of his detention. And not in better. The contact with other prisoners had raised his pride, his self respect. William had understood he had appeal on others, he attracted them. And he felt important, powerful. In the panorama of outcasts and bloody criminals, he was a star and he acted like that.

Repentance had never entered his thoughts... his words... his heart once. Vince had spent hours with him, hours and hours. He was his only contact, the only external person who could visit him. And Dunn had confided in him... Only... Not the way he wanted. He had been obliged to take all his secrets, all his impressions, all his morbidities. Out of job, of course. But, somehow, William had thought they had become friends and that he enjoyed this.

Or did he know he hated those confessions?

One way or the other, Vince was going to discover it in a few minutes.

From what he had got to know here, the core of this mess was that surgeon, dr. Sheperd. Brandon and Webber had tried to give him some hints of what had happened and things were starting to make sense. Trent flipped some pages of the dossier the jail shrink had given him, he read through the lines quickly.

"Are you sure he's perfectly fine right now?"

"Yes, he had to be cleared. He was fine"

"After two brain surgeries in four days?"

"Absolutely. I know this time can sound short to you. But it's medicine, it's what we do here. And Derek is the best"

"I see..." Vince was truly impressed by the curriculum of this doctor. He was young... But he had an impressive amount of recommendations and praises. His name was known world wide, he was bold and in the vanguard. He took another look to his photo. Vince had been taught in law school that photos could reveal a lot of men. Derek Sheperd looked like a nice guy, he was good looking and that smirk on his face... It was appealing and eye catching.

"Do you think that Dunn could resent him for not taking his case too seriously?" Brandon collected his files, his eyes boring into the young lawyer's.

"He did according to what you told me... And according to what I see"

"William wanted to die..."

"No, he wanted to find someone who would leave him to die so that he could say: hey... This bad guy here wants me dead. Jut stop my execution. He broke my rights"

"So are you saying that this pushing and pulling and messing around was just a tactic?"

"Yeah... It's what I think..."

"Why him then? He had two women... He could just slaughter them and party over"

Vince leaned heavily against the back rest of the couch, he sighed. Brandon was raining his head with questions he wasn't sure he could answer. As Dunn wasn't a man to take hostages. He just killed. He remembered the first time he had the chance to read the files Seattle police had collected and written on him, the description of his attacks and aggressions to those women. He hadn't said a word to any of them. Just hit behind their backs. It's what he used to do. This... It didn't make any sense in his story. Officially... For what they knew... He was controlling himself and his violent soul. What for... that was the mother of every question.

"I guess he wants to experience something he never did... Maybe he felt a connection to this man..."

"I don't think so..."

Webber finally found his voice. If these men knew Sheperd, they'd find ridiculous a connection between him and a beast like Dunn. They were like night and day, black and white. Trent read his thoughts.

"Dr. Webber... I don't know dr. Sheperd... but in no way I want to compare him to Dunn... I apologize if you got the impression that's what I meant. What I mean is that William's brain works differently from ours. He doesn't consider himself a monster, he considers himself a genius, an expert in his field. And dr. Sheperd is too. So maybe he felt close to him... Brandon told me about dr. Sheperd's... lost. This could be the key"

"Ok... But what do you mean when you say he wants to experience something new?"

Trent's throat went dry contemplating the possible answers. William was probably enjoying the chance to have someone to talk to, someone with a culture, someone with a good education. This wasn't something to undervalue. But his being... His way to solve problems and face people when he got mad... it weighted like a rock on these people's life. He cleared his throat to formulate the idea in a good way.

"Dunn spent the last ten years of his life in jail. Most part of the people he met were ignorant, with a very low degree of schooling. They could barely express a concept, many were illiterate. Here he found different levels and his mind awoke. He's living this high, he probably wants to compare and compete. If you ask me if this will be enough for him... If he won't get tired at some point... well... I don't know it... I don't know it. That's why I think we don't need to lose any more time. I need to try to call him"

He stood up and walked to Falk, they talked strictly for some moment.

Finally the officer nodded and Trent picked up his phone breathing in and out quickly.

* * *

"How many hours do you work... in a weak... How many hours?"

Derek opened his eyes and looked to him, Dunn was sitting on a stool, chewing happily something he couldn't place.

He was swinging left and right, eating and drinking. His mouth hadn't rest for more than ten minutes since they were there. Apparently this situation was raising his hunger. Derek's stomach on the contrary was in knots. It burn. He felt like he needed a good digestive. And now he was going to start a conversation about their professional life. A conversation he needed to endure alone as Cristina looked out of the games for now. She hadn't recovered from the last encounter with Dunn, his psychological draw had hit the target.

Both Meredith's and hers... had been tough, even cruel. And so real. The man was a good observer, he had perceived the main aspects of their personalities from little details, he had felt their relationship and their problems, he had read through the meaning and the reasons of it.

Derek himself had felt a wave of anger when Dunn had suggested that Cristina had been aware of his bad influence on Meredith and she had chosen to ignore it as they were fighting. She was human after all and she loved Meredith. The wave had died right there and Sheperd knew he needed to carry the upcoming weight to let her time to digest William's assessments.

"Theoretically sixty... But we can reach up to ninety"

"All of you? I mean... hot surgeons and scholars?"

"Yeah"

"Wow... It sounds like a lot of time..." he fished a cracker out of a packet and staffed it in is mouth "but I think it's worth the load of money they wash on you"

He threw the empty envelop to the floor, picking up Meredith's cell. He rolled it in his fingers.

"This thing is amazing, you know... I had never seen one before. I guess they were science fiction when I was around... Is this a cell?"

"Yes"

"But it does a lot of stuff..." Derek noticed his eyes were fixed on the little display, he saw his finger scrolling down, he wondered what he was doing and he started to fear the answer when William's eyes focused on him "messages, texts, photos... Dr. Grey has some really cute picture of you... Alone and together" his voice had taken a sweet, honeyed tone and Derek couldn't control his disappointment.

"You have no right to do that"

He knew it was stupid, Dunn held them hostages, why would he care about their privacy? But having him noosing in Meredith's cell, reading their private messages, looking at their pictures made him nauseous. Derek had full trust in Meredith, he had never looked into her stuff. Even when her telephone laid forgotten on the nightstand or on the table, he had never taken the chance and the freedom to check it, look at it. It was hers and he respected that. He wasn't sure what he could find, he knew that women used to complain about boyfriends and he didn't want to read something which could upset him. If Meredith wanted to show him something and tell him something, she would. All the rest had nothing to do with him. Now this man was breaking this Thin layer, entering his girlfriend's private world. It just felt so wrong...

"Are you scared I could find something compromising?"

William chuckled, his attention back to the display.

"I see Grey has a really warm index. It's full of texts... Cristina... Cristina... Cristina... What in hell have you to say to each other? You spend the whole day together..."

He looked to Cristina but she didn't answer, William shrugged and went back reading.

"Here there's something for you... Wow... Cheesy"

Derek stretched his legs uncomfortably, having another man reading their messages was like having someone stalking you, seeing you naked from the keyhole. He was fighting the instinct to stand up and grab the phone out of his hands with every cell of his body.

"It must be good to have someone at home waiting for you..."

Derek looked away, a shiver ran down his spine feeling the malice creeping in William's voice.

"Ready for you"

Ice ran down Derek's vein. He inhaled deeply but it didn't help to calm his breathing. Cristina touched his arm and he focused again.

"Grey is a hot... warm woman. She didn't give that impression to me... I judged her wrong... I guess there were many things she could give me..."

Derek leaped up with every word. He couldn't stand any other man talking of Meredith like that, he couldn't stand William thinking of Meredith like that. His eyes were fixed on the wall in front of him, he was exercising what he had learnt about relaxing breathing methods, but it wasn't working. He flinched when he heard the stool squinting, in the corner of his eyes he saw William standing up and getting closer. He knelt in front of him.

"What is it, doc? Men share these kind of things between each other. You should be proud of your woman"

Unbelievably, Sheperd was ignoring him. Dunn felt he was on the good way to make him snap, he just needed to go further. He looked to Cristina, his heart swelled with satisfaction when he realized that, if eyes could kill, he would be dead by now. He chuckled.

"It is for her, right? You feel bad talking about sex in front of her best friend... You shouldn't. Meredith talks about you with her"

Derek's hand closed in a fist.

"And it's not always good stuff. Why don't you tell him, Yang?"

Cristina's eyes narrowed in shock. Despite her relationship with Meredith was sister to sister, they never shared details of their sex life. They had... when they were looking for adventures and not serious stories. But since they had started to officially date, they only dropped jokes. And Meredith had never shared bad experiences... Not at all with Derek. She was more than satisfied on this, Cristina felt it. And didn't need to ask.

"You're lying" her voice was still shaky.

"Am I? What do you think, doc... Do you think you're good enough for her? As maybe I had to read through the lines... Maybe she didn't help me out of pity... Maybe she was getting around"

Derek closed his eyes. Not for the first time in this day, he was counting in his head not to jump up.

His gesture didn't go unnoticed to Dunn.

"Do you think he can handle this, Yang? How much do you think he can take without answering back? As for what I see, I'm really starting to think he really doesn't care about my dr. Grey... What is it that you care about? As, instead of this, I could just go back to my original plans and methods. And hurt her... You don't want this, do you?"

"Just stop"

Cristina muttered these words through the sobs, she had started to cry again, this conversation had been unbearable. And now William was using her to startle Derek from his pretended and fake calm. He wouldn't let her being hurt.

"Well... This depends on him... So, what do you say? Will you discuss this with me or I have to busy my time differently?"

Silence fell in the room and finally Derek locked eyes with him. He shifted on his ass, stretching his back and straightening up.

"What do you want?"

His eyes prickled and Dunn got he was on the brink.

"Mmmm... Nothing special... Just open up to me"

Their eyes locked in a new challenge, Derek could see Dunn was nervous. He didn't fell safe there on the floor, he felt exposed and not perfectly in control.

Minutes before he had changed into his prisoner uniform. He had rummaged in a bag near his bed and found a clean, orange coverall, probably the one the guards had taken to bring him back. He had taken off the hospital gown and dressed. And Derek had to admit his appearance had completely changed. He looked more threatening and dangerous, he looked like a healthy man. He was supposed to have headaches and spread pains all around. He wasn't giving any sigh he did feel any of it.

"Dr. Yang... Just move there"

He pointed to a corner of the room and Cristina followed his finger, her face lit up in surprise.

"Why?"

"As I kindly asked you to" his voice wasn't so kind though. "Just go there and give us some privacy. This isn't a discussion he wants to have with you here. Just go"

Cristina looked at Derek and saw him nodding. This infuriated William. He gripped her throat and lifted her up, dragging her through the room. Cristina tried to struggle but he was too strong for her and the lack of oxygen was reducing her spirit.

"It's me you need to look at to know what you have or haven't to do!"

He shoved her against the wall and Cristina's head hit it with a thud. She slid down to the ground, one hand rubbing her nape, the other holding her throat. Derek had stood up to go to her rescue, he stopped when Dunn splayed the gun to his face.

"You think you're controlling this, Sheperd? As you're not... You are not"

He waved the gun showing him the opposite wall, the place he had been tied up previously.

"After you"

Derek sighed and walked away. He stopped besides the pole, the handcuffs were still half chained to the metal. He lingered there looking at them, quickly pondering what would happen if he put his hands in there, what would be of his wrist, potentially of his life. Cristina was witnessing everything from the floor, she gulped when she realized what William wanted to do.

"You can't do that"

"Just relax... He's gonna be fine... I'm taking good care of him"

Derek looked at Dunn from over his shoulder, he was always some step apart, some step far. He feared his reaction... Any reaction. But it was an useless fear as Derek had no intention to try a rebellion. He bent forward and took the rings in his good hand, rolling and touching them. William was just staring at him and he knew what was the next step. He closed the first cuff around his healthy hand and put the hurt one against the wall. Even if he wanted, he couldn't wear the second by himself. Someone needed to close it for him. And despite the message he had tried to give all over this story, he really couldn't force his brain to inflict his body the pain he was sure he would feel.

"Love is pain, doctor"

Dunn's hot breath caressed his neck and a static crossed him when Dunn captured his beaten wrist into a new trap. He got him onto his knees when he pulled and secured the bound to the next bed rail. Derek was trying to breathe, his mouth open, his heart beating wildly. William walked around him and stopped in front of his face. Unexpectedly, he freed Derek's left hand.

"I don't need this, you won't budge a bit with this in here"

He gripped the broken limb and Derek winced loudly, swaying on his knees. William's face shone in a satisfied grin and he loosened his grip.

"She never wrote something to cheapen your manhood... Little joke"

He threw the cell on the bed, too focused on Derek to make some step away even if just for a few minutes. Sheperd weakly stood up cuddling his hand.

"But she really writes you sexy texts... It's exciting... If I found this stuff exciting, I would be... Really" he was walking in circles around Derek "but the truth is that after 12 years of celibacy and abstinence, I'm totally insensitive to this call. She couldn't have me"

"You're really fooling yourself if you think that Meredith could be attracted by a man like you"

"Do you think so? Maybe you're right. In the end she's your whore. You know her better than me. What is it that she likes? She looks like the type who likes it rough" Derek closed his eyes and looked down, William gripped his aching wrist again and Sheperd could feel his chest pressing against his back. In the haze which came with the pain, he found himself pinned against the wall.

"And you like it gentle, don't you? I guess you like to have her moan... whisper... Do you know what happens to guys like you in jail? You'd become really famous. You're a good looking guy and you'd become very famous. They'd break your spine and you'd become a mean to serve primordial instincts. It's what happened to my friend Nick. He was a sweet boy, always taking care of his hair and face. I also decided to try his mouth skills once but... It was nothing I felt to try again. So you can relax on this..."

William's hand insinuated between Derek's legs, he started touching him and Derek flinched.

"If I wanted to have her, I would have. If I wanted to make her friend here, I would. If I wanted to take my time with you... You'd bind to my will"

He was stroking his privates and Derek felt frozen. He didn't move, he stayed perfectly still hoping he would lave him the hell alone. William pressed his lips to Derek's neck, his voice went down to a mere whisper "and the only woman I've ever loved was my mother so... There's no way I'll waste the memory with any of you" he shoved Derek against the wall and looked at him recollecting from this last abuse.

"Sex is really overrated"

Derek's forehead was pressed against the wall, he was waiting for the pain to pass, he was trying to catch his breath. Only nothing of this was happening and William was pressing and prodding him.

"It's something half men use to strike their egos... They make compares, they gloat for their conquers... I think it's kind of pathetic... You should try the adrenaline which comes with this"

Derek felt he was standing against him, he felt his weight pressing down on him, his breath, everything...

"There's nothing like facing a man, taking his breath away... breaking him in two... It's power... Have you ever done it?"

"No"

"I kind of expected it. As you're a charmer... You prefer to praise on women, to win their trust and have your way with them. How did you meet your girlfriend?"

Sheperd kept silent too long, he was breathing out loudly. William traced his back with the gun, he caressed his imprisoned arm with his hand, stopping at his forearm. It was a warning and Derek knew he had to answer, Dunn would make him answer anyway. There was no sense in being maltreated again.

"We met in a bar"

"Romantic... You don't look like a guy who picks up girls in a bar. It sounds dirty... And it takes us back to your sex habits. Come on... Tell me something... I barely remember the last time I had a spontaneous erection"

Derek didn't know how to come out of this conversation, he didn't have anything to tell to Dunn. Obviously his family issues had affected all his sentimental and emotional life. And Derek didn't really want to know what he meant when he said his mother was the only woman he had ever loved. As he knew the meaning for every normal person. But William was everything but normal. And, in the moment he had said that sentence and for the way he had said it, he really couldn't exclude anything, neither a morbid and incestuous relationship. It was clear that he hated women, Derek wasn't a shrink, but William had always chosen women for his murders and this had to mean something after all. He hated women as he hadn't been able to create a healthy relationship with them. Or the other way around. Anyway... This field was a mine field and he needed to have a little break. He chose a political line.

"You have never found the right person"

William chuckled, closing the space between the two of them.

"And how is it that you need the right person to have a good fuck every time and then? Sex is instinct. And my instinct is very strong and alert. Only I have never felt turned on... Never..." His eyes rested on Cristina and Derek paled. "Maybe my approach was wrong, I wanted to feel attraction and the magic hoping stamina would come as a consequence. Maybe I just need to leap and see what happens in the while"

He started to walk slowly towards her and Cristina reared against the wall, her knees to her chest.

"Dunn..."

Derek made a step towards them but the cuff around his wrist called him back, he was stuck. He took the chain and pulled but nothing happened. His eyes narrowed seeing William kneeling in front of Cristina, his instinct pushed him forward and he regretted it immediately. His hand screamed in protest and he yelped out in pain.

Cristina from her side was scared out of her mind, she was staring speechless to Dunn and the look on his face was sending shock of fear down her whole body. He stretched his hand and stroke her face, she tried to avoid the contact but she couldn't. She gulped audibly.

"Don't be scared... I won't hurt you"

"Dunn... Leave her alone"

"She'll like it"

"Leave her the hell alone"

Derek's voice raised and Christina felt a hint of panic in it, the same feeling which was merging from the pit of her stomach. William touched her shoulder in a way that caused a wave of goos bumps erupting on her skin, he got closer and Cristina whimpered. Suddenly something crushed near her head and Cristina looked up, there was nothing. But then her eyes scanned a bottle rolling on the floor. She looked up and noticed William was looking at Derek. She did too. Sheperd had somehow reached the tray near the bed and was launching stuff to get his attention. He had probably even hit his head with an empty pill box. William was stroking his scalp and then glanced at his palm. There was no blood on it. But saying he was furious would be an understatement. Cristina shivered, trying to control the tears which were profusely streaming down her face. She touched her shoulder like she could wipe away the feeling of William's hands on her. It had been quick but awful. She thanked Derek silently in her mind, hoping this wouldn't be the last shove to his already compromised position.

William stood up, his hands on his hips. He was trying to decide what to do. He was still deep in his thoughts when Grey's cell started to ring. He snorted reading the Id and switched it off. He had no time to set it back on the table that it started ringing again. It was the Chief's office. He picked it up, making sure the caller got he had been interrupted in something he really cared about.

"Webber ... I hope this is very important..." there was silence at the other side of the line and William sighed "Webber... Are you there or not as I don't have the whole day to waste holding on..."

"Dunn..."

The voice William heard from the other side of the line wasn't the Chief's voice, but someone's he knew too well. His pupils dilated in shock and he chuckled, sinking on the stool in the mid of the room.

"Well... That's what I call a surprise... No, you didn't bother. I might need to talk to someone right now"

He stopped talking and Derek guessed someone was doing it at the other side of the telephone. He took a deep breath and looked at Cristina, she was cuddled on the floor, curled on herself in a position which screamed self defense. She was still crying and he hated to be stuck to that corner, he really wanted to support her, hug her. But there was no way he could move in that situation. He just could wait. For the next critical point. For the next confrontation. Only Derek realized that every time, William was getting more and more rough, more and more aggressive. It was just matter of time, and he would really hurt someone. As it felt like he was struggling an inner fight. He wanted to create a connection with them but he couldn't, he didn't know how to do. So he used violence to get attention. And after what had happened minutes before, Derek wasn't so sure he wanted to know how far this man could go.

* * *

What I meant before, is that I have room if you want Dunn to treat particular topics with Derek and Cristina.

Let me know... I'll care of every suggestion!


	14. DEALS

_Hey..._

_Here I am... dealing with my characters' psych and fears._

_The end of this chapter will disappoint many of you, I know that._

_It makes me sick too._

_But this is a great story of angst and it goes hand in hand._

_I hope you'll give me suggestions and cues._

_My notes will be at the end of the chapter not to waste your surprise and reading._

* * *

Cristina couldn't control her eyes.

She couldn't do anything to stop the tears which had been leaking out for minutes now.

The more she tried to collect herself, the more her glands betrayed her.

She kept wiping her face, sniffling, trying to hide the pathetic scene she was offering.

Dunn was giddy, he was still busy in his phone call but she could clearly see his face shining in satisfaction every time his eyes rested on her.

He had done a lot of things since she was there.

He had knocked her down, threatened her and Meredith several times, imposed them his speeches and talks, obliged them to watch him maltreating Derek, pushed them to the edge and scared them out of their minds.

Till he had let go of Meredith and the game had evolved to level 2.

Rougher, harder, even more violent if possible.

She felt like a guinea pig, like a mouse between the claws of a cat.

The pressure was constant… had been constant. Yet… she had never thought to be in danger.

Till Dunn had first tried to approach her God knows to do what and Derek had distracted him taking his rage in response. And then he had started to touch her making even too clear which were his intentions.

When she had talked about this stuff with her friends… women being sexually assaulted by men, she had always said she'd send the unfortunate to the hospital, practicing surgery with the remains of his manhood, she had always thought she would react, fight and finally win. But this was a myth… nothing more.

The moment William had knelt in front of her and she had seen the wickedness sparkle in his eyes, she had known there was nothing she could do to prevent him to do what he wanted. He was much stronger even after two surgeries, much more powerful and he had a gun. There was no way she could escape. And a wave of regret and remorse squeezed her heart for all the times she had considered raped women like weak girls who had given up too easily and too quickly, for all the times she had fooled herself and the others to be different, for all the times she had underestimated what having a turned on and ready to anything man in front of you meant.

This dregs loved the fear they breathed, they loved to impose their will. And resistance only made things worse.

Which brought them to level 3.

He hadn't been able to intimidate Derek with a knife and his knees, he hadn't been able to bind him breaking his hand, he hadn't been able to destroy him completely with his father's story, the threats, the amount of crap he had reversed on him, including the vulgar and horrifying conversation involving sex and Meredith. What would be the next move? What would he try? What would he do to him for breaking his lusty and sex moment?

She only feared the answer and the moment all this big plan would be revealed.

As she didn't know how much strength she had in her. Apparently none. She felt like none. She only felt like a burden to drag around, like a second weapon in the hands of a murderer.

* * *

"I can help you, William"

Trent had been saying this stuff for ten minutes, he had tried to convince Dunn and, with him, himself too.

But it was a lie and from the chuckles he was getting from the other side of the line, he knew William realized it too.

"And how do to you think you can do that, Vince?"

"You went through two surgeries… two brain surgeries… we can get a delay with it"

"And then what?"

Nothing, after maybe two weeks of prison and recovery, he would be executed anyway, especially after the two guards he had killed almost with bare hands. Actually, Trent knew he could also lose the benefit to choose how to die for what was happening in here. Dunn had studied during his detention, he had applied on many things. Botanic, criminology… but also Law. He knew they had ran out of options, there was no way he could get a last minute grace, that's why he had taken the chance to extend his stay in SGH. Trent sighed, Dunn was a smart man, a really quick brain. He could have done everything in his life. Engineering, law, medicine, economics… he had just engaged his powers and skill in the most hateful and perverted way. And now it was to him and Falks to drag him out stopping the death counter. William had apparently heard his manifestation of discomfort and impotence and prodded him through the phone.

"You see… you know yourself there's nothing for me there. I just want to keep doing this for some time… My injection can wait some more hours, can't it?"

"You know that's not the point, William. You have two hostages with you, you're not doing a pic-nic in a garden and ask for a longer time. You're keeping two people closed in a room without eating and drinking"

"They drank…"

Falks signed a big x mark on a blackboard and nodded to Trent, they needed more information and he needed to keep him talking.

"And what about food?"

"Doctors are used to skip lunch and dinner. They won't starve. But you can arrange us a little buffet is this makes you feel better"

"What would you like to eat?"

"I don't know… What do you say, doc? Anything special?"

Derek sent him a quick look, he didn't want to humour him right now, he was playing a role, enjoying the attention. He had enough people on the other side of the line to do it. A sigh escaped his mind thinking Meredith could be hearing this… She surely would be in Richard's office. He'd give everything to know if she was right, if she had understood his true intentions, if someone… Bailey or Mark or Richard had convinced her to go and get some sleep. No… she wasn't sleeping… how could she sleep with him and Cristina in there? He stroke his eyes to wipe tiredness away. He didn't need to worry about Meredith, she was fine and this was enough. He looked up hearing William laughing.

"You see, Vince? Nobody here wants anything. But, since you asked… some sandwich will be fine"

"I'll see what I can do. How are they?"

Dunn breathed into the phone sending a searching look to his guests.

Yang was fine, physically at least. She was still trying to recover from the last adventure, but she was fine. Sheperd was sitting on the floor, he looked like a tarantula as he moved every ten seconds in search of better position. His hand was bad, he wasn't a doctor but he could see it. It was dark with bruises and the swelling constricted by the cuff had to be nearly unbearable.

Still… he had never complained or asked him anything. For now. Fine was a big word though.

"Not bad… not good"

"What is this supposed to mean? Are they fine or not?"

"Dr. Yang is pretty good. Physically at least. She's been crying on the floor for quarter an hour now… it's starting to piss me off"

Trent's eyes met dr. Hunt's. The red haired surgeon had come out of his lethargy hearing about his girlfriend broken and sobbing, anything the lawyer had read on that woman fit with the image Dunn had just inculcated in their minds. Something had happened, that was clear. A big question mark appeared in front of him in Falks' messy writing.

"Why is she crying?"

A think silence fell in the room, William rubbed his chin lazily trying to find a good answer.

"She finally got what I can be capable of"

"What does this mean? Did you hurt her?"

"No… no… this was my last intention. I didn't want to hurt her for sure. But I guess she didn't like what I had in mind"

"What was that?"

There was a long silence broken just by Dunn's breath in the phone.

He was pondering what answering. As he had two minds about it. The truth was always the best thing if he wanted to impress them, let them feel powerless. Knowing he was ready to go cozy with the woman in the room could cool their spirit, get them more careful about the decisions he was sure they were taking in that precise moment. On the other hand it could bring them to the conclusion they needed to act before it was too late. And William wasn't stupid to understand they would, sooner or later they would force him out of that room, alone or with the other two. Maybe he just needed to mix the cards, play the undecided and confused. He could do that, he had always worked with Trent. The lawyer was a dangerous figure in this picture, he knew him, he knew his wishes and his moves. He knew he had done something bad. It was pointless to let him speculate on it, saying it straight to his face could become a session, a therapy and cool their fears down. He cleared his throat and spoke in the receiver calmly.

"You know all of my problems with female figures… do you remember the time we spent with the shrink talking about it?"

"Of course I do"

"So… do you even remember what you suggested me?"

"I didn't suggest you anything"

"Right…. Not you… dr. "I don't remember his name" kept suggesting me I needed a woman"

Trent was distracted by a cough coming from the couch and the sounds of someone sobbing. He turned to that direction and saw Dr. Grey crying, dr. Bailey was trying to comfort her and dr. Hunt… dr. Hunt was as white as a sheet. He gestured him to stay there, silent, not to take initiatives, not to break the contact he had created with Dunn. He got this was difficult to him, almost unbearable. He was hearing an animal talking about his girlfriend like a useless bunch of meat to experience stuff on. And Vince was sure he would do it… experiencing. William had the intelligence of a grown up and the sexual maturity of a sixteen years old. He had never tried anything, he had never loved anyone, he had no idea how to do it. And his sessions with dr. Boldman, Caldwell's shrink, had been very different from how he was describing them now.

"He never told you to take a woman with the force, William"

An evil grin reached the room and the lawyer flinched.

"And how would I meet one then? Going to the prom? Shopping? If I look outside the door I don't have a queue of fans, Trent. Better… I used to… and you took them away from me. I never had the chance to meet the people who wrote me letters of admiration and praise. I had never the chance to talk to someone. So how am I supposed to flirt with someone if not like this?"

Brandon shook his head to the attorney, everybody had understood William's line. He was trying to turn this into his favor, he was trying to let them think and believe he was pushed to do it. But he wasn't. Trent had spent three hundred hours with his customer and the psychologist who took his case. Never a topic like this entered the conversation. Dunn had assimilated it in this way though, this was how his sick brain and personality had developed and interiorized his issue.

"Nobody ever said something like this to you. How is she?"

A thick silence filled the room and Hunt mumbled a threat.

"If he has laid a finger on her I…" he shook his head in disbelief but Trent silenced him. Apparently too late.

"Who was that?"

Vince rolled his eyes and Falks invited him to go on.

"Nothing…"

"Nothing doesn't talk. Who was that?"

He scanned his words with rage and the young man sighed from this side of the phone.

"A doctor… we have a lot of people worried here. How do you think they are feeling about this story?"

"I guess bad… They are supposed to feel bad. But tell that gentleman he could feel even worse… Yang could feel even worse if our doctor hero hadn't overstepped once again"

Falks wrote "Sheperd" on his board and underlined it.

Everything happened, it stopped there. In front of those seven letters which had captured Dunn's attention, his efforts and interest from the very beginning.

Before Trent had the time to formulate his next question, William spoke again.

"I'm tired of talking now. Where are my sandwiches?"

"I've sent one of my guys to take them. Ten minutes they'll be there"

"Good… Just ring me when you're ready"

"William…"

The line fell and the boozing spread all over Webber's office. Trent sighed and pressed the stop button. He stood up, slow and crashed under an invisible weight. He approached Falks and his board, big black nouns written in a messy handing occupying half the first sheet.

Drinks yes.

No food.

Yang crying?

Mother

Sheperd

They had touched many topics but solved any of them. Vince sighed realizing William had led the conversation wherever he wanted, he had said things till he felt like to and then let everything suspended. He was smart and alert, the long hours of sieging hadn't clouded his mind.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up.

Falks was standing behind him, giving him a small, reassuring smile.

"You did good"

"We know nothing more than before"

"We do, instead… And he'll call back"

"How are you so sure?"

"You never prodded him with questions, you let him decide the time of this. He trusts you in his own way… better he fears you… And he's going to call back to share his improvements or achievements, his last decisions. Let's wait"

* * *

"Is she your ex wife?"

Both Derek and Cristina raised their eyes to look at Dunn.

He was sitting on the chair, rolling left and right to busy his time. His face was relaxed, the usual, hateful grin spreading across it.

Derek wasn't sure he had understood correctly.

Had William just asked him if Cristina was his ex wife? How could he think that? Better… how would he possibly know he had been married before?

He didn't need to wait for the answer for long. Dunn showed him Meredith's phone.

"This is an unbelievable source of information… you know? You press one button and the stories just come to you. I wonder if they'll let me take one of this till my execution…" he looked fascinated to the cell and then back to Derek "what do you think?"

Derek was too deadpanned to give him an answer. Dunn did it for him.

"I'm afraid of no… so… it's better I take advantage now…" he started to push the buttons, Derek could feel the keys producing their small, little sounds when stressed.

"So… is Yang your ex wife?"

"No"

Derek looked away, this was another conversation he really didn't want to have with him.

"So bad… it would have been fun… two ladies fighting on you… Unless it didn't happen anyway… When was it that you divorced?"

"How is it that you care?"

The spat took William unprepared. He swallowed and recollected quickly.

"I happen to care as we have nothing to talk about and I wanted to know about her" William's eyes pierced into Derek's. He looked back to the little screen and his pupils filled with enthousiasm.

"Here she is... How is it that you always end up with these stunning pieces of women?"

Derek kept silent.

"It just disappoints me a bit, you know. I'd have preferred it was her. But the reason Grey doesn't trust you is pretty clear right now. It has a name and two legs. Two very leggy legs to be precise. Did you two-time her?"

Derek sighed and looked away. It sounded more than a confession.

"Well… I guess breaking your marital vows doesn't count as sin in your screwed scale of principles…"

"No, it does. But that's not what happened"

"Oh no? And what did happen then?"

Derek pondered for a moment the idea not to answer. He locked his eyes with William and read straight through them. He had no way to escape this, as usual. Dunn held all the cards, he held the command and he had to force words out of his mouth.

"I broke up with my wife and moved here"

"Only you forgot to tell it to Grey, right? And I guess the shiny wife just came up here to screw your story…"

How he knew that… it was a mystery. Probably he had found out about Addison by some biography in internet, Derek knew it was possible. In blogs and spaces devoted to surgery there was room also for gossip and personal stuff. He had probably entered a site and got all the information he needed.

But this… he felt like he was reading thorough his mind, like he knew his story just picking up one piece here and another there.

A cliché.

Because that's what it was. A cliché. A man hiding his secret wife from the girlfriend, the said wife showing up, the husband taking her back, dumping the new arrived like she was nothing.

The world was full of such men… they promised everything on air, they promised they would divorce, they promised they would love back, they promised they would build a family. But nothing of this never happened. As men were liars, they could say everything to come out of troubles, to ease their position.

"_He could tell you whatever he wants"_

Dunn could tell he felt pain, Derek could tell Meredith he still loved her three minutes before going home to his wife, three hours before Meredith called to tell him about Doc dying and being welcomed by the sounds of Addison giggling and the request to leave them alone as they were trying to properly make love.

How did this feel?

For the first time Derek stopped and really got what Meredith had felt in those days… months. She had felt abandoned, fooled, betrayed. And humiliated. Publicly and privately.

What kind of man did that? How this kind of man could get trust back? How could a best friend ever forgive this to him?

He blamed Cristina for not valuing his love to Meredith, but the truth was that he was the very first one to have done it. He cheapened everything, he destroyed the magic between the two of them, he killed every positivity which still existed in his lover's heart. He took trust away from her.

The acknowledgment of this little, titanic detail pressed on his shoulders like a rock. He lowered his eyes and sighed.

"I made a huge mistake"

"Oh, that's for sure… Only admitting mistakes is so easy after…"

"It's not… it's never easy. And we never do it enough"

"Do you think so? I don't know… Maybe we didn't do any mistake. Maybe we just say it to get the forgiveness and the acceptance from others. Take me… I never apologized for what I did… Because I've never felt the need to do it. I don't feel guilty or repented or everything Trent wanted me to say… I was happy with my actions. I really was. And I'm even happy here"

A ring interrupted their conversation and Dunn picked up the phone.

"Sandwich time?" he listened carefully to the interlocutor and rubber his chin in the while "ok… three minutes"

He closed the cell and stood up stretching his back.

"Our lunch… dinner… whatever you want is here. Dr. Yang…" she looked up and their eyes met briefly "will you go out to take them?"

She nodded and stood up weakly, her back pressing against the wall to raise the distance between the two of them.

"Good girl… just open the door and stay there. Someone will leave a tray just after the sliding door at the end of the hallway. You have thirty seconds to go and come back. I guess I don't need to tell you what's going to happen if you try to run away"

Cristina sighed and nodded, she looked at him destroying the handmade barricades and prepare her a way out. Once he had finished, he stepped back and left her room. Cristina arrived to the door and opened it just in time to see a hand pushing a tray inside the corridor. She went out and started walking down the tight passage, she felt a rumor she couldn't place and she decided not to worry about it anymore. She had thirty seconds of calm and freedom and she meant to enjoy every of it.

* * *

Lexie entered the hospital with a bad feeling creeping in her veins.

Since the early morning she had been experiencing a lot of bad surprises.

She had woken up and found nothing in the fridge to eat. It was Meredith's turn to do errands the previous day but apparently she had forgotten, there was nothing she was supposed to buy. And it made no sense, as Lexie had checked the board before leaving the night before and her sister was not in the OR, neither Derek, neither Mark. But, along with food and stuff, they had all disappeared.

Derek and Meredith could be at the trailer, enjoying the truce they had signed. It was strange though… as they usually left her a note or a message and she had found none.

Adrenaline… excitement made this to Meredith and Derek.

When they decided to rip the clothes out of each other, all the rest ceased to exist.

Not that she blamed them, they had lived rough times in the last days, they needed some privacy and some good time alone. Just… she could have remembered to buy something not to let her starve, to let her unleash her sexual frustration on something more appealing than a rotten apple.

She snorted pushing the button of the ground floor elevator.

She needed to calm down, she needed to really calm down if she didn't want to get into troubles.

Bailey wouldn't care if Derek and Meredith were gone and she had none in the previous night, this wasn't the kind of problems she was sympathetic with.

But it made blood boil in her veins.

As Mark hadn't showed up, he hadn't called, he hadn't answered her calls.

A whole 12 hours without giving any sign he still existed.

A crappy day.

And she was already late as she had spent 20 minutes to find a damned spot in the parking. Everything was occupied by a stupid tv crew setting up stages and equipment like they had to film God knows what. Stupid morons… they had missed the memo everything was over by now.

She entered the elevator and made her way to the locker room, she changed into her scrubs and wore her coat. The day started to get better.

She loved how she looked in it.

Professional, self-confident. And hot.

Not to talk about how hot Mark looked in that…

Talking about her boyfriend… she picked out her phone but it was blank.

No lost calls, no texts.

She sighed thinking maybe he got caught in some emergency surgery. She adjusted her wrist watch and realized apparently it wasn't so late like she believed. She had a good ten minutes to snoop around, find Mark and have him pay to have neglected her.

She walked out of the room with a new found energy and a grin playing on her lips.

She had to stop abruptly when she nearly bumped against the other inters, hidden behind a corner at the beginning of the catwalk. She rubbed her nose which had collided with someone's shoulder.

Good… a bruise was what she needed to turn Mark on.

"What the hell are you doing here… stalking someone?"

"Just the chief's office. Looks like something is going on in there"

"Something like what?"

"Like top secret. Nurse Debbie told us Webber stayed there all night. And apparently he was not alone"

"So the Chief is having romantic encounters in his office?"

"That would be a good gossip… Look…"

Lexie followed his friends' gazes and her eyes set on the darkened glasses of the room.

"Blinds are down in the early morning… Nobody goes in. And Patricia was out of her wits this morning. I heard her mumbling something about bad manners and too much work…"

"Or sex maybe…."

The young doctors exchanged an amused and ironic look, they giggled diverting their eyes into the office direction.

Lexie snorted, she really hadn't the strength to stay there to spy the Chief and his probable sex life while she had none. She needed to do something.

"You know what? Just stay here wasting your time. I'm going downstairs and get all the best cases. Just text me if there's something juicy. If I have the time to answer you from some cool OR, of course"

* * *

Teddy, Callie and Arizona were all sitting in a conference room.

Their faces were tired and annoyed.

"This is my day off"

"It was your day off"

"It was yours as well"

"I know… and now I'm here to wait for the Chief instead of being in the woods with our picnic"

"And our strawberry with whipped cream… That cream smelled heavenly"

"Just relax… it's not said you have to turn it off"

"What do you think, Teddy? Webber paged us so I guess I'll have to turn it off. Where are all the others by the way?"

"Who?"

"Bailey… Hunt… They were on call this morning but I didn't meet them"

"Maybe they're operating"

"Maybe they're sick and the Chief paged us to replace them"

"That would be a total disaster…"

"Whipped cream for everyone"

The door opened and slammed behind their back, they jumped on their sits and noticed Webber's presence in the room with Bailey.

Apparently there wasn't an epidemic going on between attendings.

"Chief…"

He didn't sit or give them any sign of greeting. If their faces shown the surprise of being paged in their day off, Webber's was a living mask of exhaustion.

They had got to know him by now.

He had a pretty tough schedule, he spent many nights in the hospital. But, magically, every morning he looked like he had just left the stylist, he had rest and was impeccable.

This morning he was everything but this. And Bailey's face…. Callie hadn't seen her in this state from the day she got into labour.

"Chief?"

"I'm sorry I had to page you here in your free day but I need you"

"A pile up or something?

Teddy enquired and Callie could clearly see Richard swallowing shaking his head.

"No… we have an emergency and I need all the available attendings"

"Ok… what do we have to do?"

"Just manage the department for today… run surgeries only if necessary, I've already asked the centre to divert all ambulances to Presbiterian… keep the residents busy…"

"What? What is this supposed to mean?"

"Right what he said. Please"

Bailey's voice sounded like a prayer and Callie looked at her. She got it wasn't the moment to pop other questions.

"You can't tell us anything more, can you?"

"No. For the benefit of this hospital and the situation we're trying to solve, it's better you don't know anything else. Report every strange thing you notice. I'll be in my office, only if something really bad happens"

He pushed a file across the table and Callie took it. It contained the assignments for the day and the lines Webber had just given them.

"This says it's up to the three of us…"

Torres looked up and her stare met Webber's. For the first time since she knew him, the Chief looked away.

"Chief…"

"Everything is clear?"

Teddy rolled her eyes reading the document.

"What is clear here is that you're assigning us the crap while the others just do the golden job. What is it? Is there a contest you cut us from before even beginning it?"

"Dr. Altman…"

"No, Chief, really. I can do this stuff, really and I'm glad to do it. But can you just tell us what is going on? Sheperd, Hunt and Bailey are out of the plan. What is it? A new funds distribution?"

Callie looked to the Chief, for a reason she couldn't place she felt this had nothing to do with his favorites, this had nothing to do with preferences and privileges.

It was something deeper, something bad.

As he wasn't yelling.

One thing she had grown to know about Chief Webber was that he imposed himself, even if he was wrong. He yelled and scared people away with the tail between their legs. This wasn't the case, he wasn't in yelling mode. On the contrary… he was recoiling with every sentence Teddy uttered, he was… in difficulty. And Bailey was… what was she? Maybe not now but… had she cried?

Torres placed a hand on Altman's thigh to stop her rambling.

"Teddy…"

"What?"

Her sharp voice echoed in the room but her eyes softened when Callie invited her to take a look to their chief. He had sank onto a chair, hiding his face in both hands, breathing in and out to catch his breath. The last time they had seen him like that he had suffered a heart attack.

Torres stood up and closed the distance between the two of them. She knelt in front of him.

"What's going on, chief?"

Silence filled the room and Callie looked up to Bailey who was shaking her head.

The plan couldn't work, there was no way they could hide this situation from the others, they needed to know to help, differently the secret would soon blow up.

"We have a code black going on"

"What?"

Despite Teddy's astonishment, Callie wasn't. She had sensed it. Only she couldn't imagine the reason of it.

Last time it was a unexploded bomb in a human cavity.

Now… the hospital looked normal, she had arrived without problems, all areas looked open and available. There was no evidence of bomb squad or anything.

"What's going on?"

"I can't tell you"

Richard looked up and stood, he had gained his composure back. His voice raised in accordance to his posture.

"I can't tell you. But you'll follow my orders as it was what I asked… ordered you to do"

"Chief… it won't work like this"

Bailey pleading voice sounded in the room and Richard looked at her sighing.

This was already awful this way and they hadn't the permission to seed the news to everyone.

"It's what I want"

"But it won't work. And it's not what you want but what they want. And it will blow up, you know that. We have succeeded to keep it quiet till now but… you know it's just a matter of time and they need to know… they can help better"

"Just do what the hell you want"

Webber walked out of that room and it was the last thing Bailey expected.

It was also the last thing he wanted but he couldn't help it.

He couldn't rewind the tape of the night's events and tell other people, he couldn't relive that storm of emotions. Miranda was right. The other attendings needed to know. But he wasn't the one to inform them, he hadn't that strength in him anymore.

The four ladies watched him walking away with a frown of their faces, when his back disappeared behind the corner of the hallway, all the attention focused on Bailey.

She raised her hands to stop the upcoming questions. If they wanted to know, they had to let her talk and not stop as she wasn't sure she could actually do this.

"William Dunn…" she started and silenced immediately. She closed her eyes because this truth overcame every horror movie she had the nerve to watch.

"The serial killer?"

"Yeah… he killed the guards and… took Grey and Yang hostages"

"What?"

The shock and horror painted on her colleges reflected her own.

"Meredith is out now… Derek is in there"

"How did it happen?"

"It's too long and complicated now and I really need to go back in there. Just do what the Chief asked you… We need… we need to keep this place moving… Please"

"Ok"

"Thanks"

"How are they?"

"We don't know. We just know they're alive but… nothing more"

"How is Owen?"

"What do you think? He's sick worried. As Mark… and everybody else"

Her lower lip quivered and trembled. She grimaced and Callie launched hugging her before she could break down.

"Ssh… it's gonna be fine… it's gonna be fine"

She rubbed her back soothingly, trying to calm her down.

Bailey was a strong woman, she was the nazy, she could hold her nerve in every tiring and texting situation. But Torres imagined this had been too much. The night of worry and anxiety had taken away every drop of energy and strength. She had to be exhausted, she had to be on the brink. She sniffled one last time before wriggle out of her grip.

"I need to go now"

"Ok"

"Just keep us updated"

"Sure"

"And tell Mark I'm here if he wants to talk or… anything"

"I will"

"Owen too…"

She nodded and closed the door behind her back.

Arizona, Callie and Teddy shared a look, nobody could say anything, do anything. They had promised they could manage the hospital but they had no strength and will to do it.

Two of the people they worked daily with were in a potentially mortal situation in that precise moment, in that very place. Their dearest friends were buried by a situation bigger than their worst nightmare. And they were apart, they were far, they couldn't communicate.

How were they supposed to go out and talk to residents, take care of patients, put their best face on while all of this was going on?

Someone knocked and the door opened. A nurse appeared, all smiley and sweet as nurses were supposed to be. Only this time it felt out of place, it felt wrong, it felt stupid. She noticed something was wrong with the three surgeons, but she had a task to do.

"I'm sorry to bother you but dr. Webber told you'd manage the wing today. We have a major trauma coming in… three minutes…"

"We'll be there, thank you"

* * *

Dunn was observing Cristina from the little window on the top of the door. She had reached the end of the hallway but hadn't taken the bag yet. She was lingering there, shifting her weight from one foot to another to do something, to breath in or relax or whatever.

"Dr. Yang looks pretty agitated. I thought she would be a little more tough than this…"

"Let her out of this"

William smiled innerly, he turned to look at Sheperd. It was the first time he actually asked him something. And, as he expected and suspected, it wasn't for his own benefit.

"What would be my fun if I would?" he approached Derek grinning "it's so more interesting like this. And you perfectly know why I won't let her go"

"Why don't you just do what you want and finish this off?"

William chuckled, he was excited but confused too. As the doctor didn't sound scared or desperate or anything he was supposed to be. He was somehow defeating him, facing him once more.

"As I don't know how this will end, doc. I just have a few plans… one in particular but… the rest is still to be written. Do you want to know about it?"

Their eyes locked and Dunn hissed through gritted teeth words nobody would never want to hear.

"I plan to break you… piece after piece, I plan to destroy and take everything which makes you who you are. I thought it would be easier but I was wrong. I give you this… You're bold or stupid enough to face me… you're not scared to pay the consequences. But I guess the truth is that you don't know what I'm capable of"

"You made it pretty clear"

"Do you think so? As you would be surprised to get how this is new for me too. I don't manage stuff like this usually. Usually… you'd be dead already. But I want to take it slow this time. Killing you… is not what would satisfy me. It would be too fast… it takes time to do what I want. And I'll get what I want, you can swear that. Wait for it… it will come. And in the while I'll use dr. Yang to keep you good and meek"

"You're just a coward"

Dunn splayed the gun to Derek's head out of rage.

"Don't push you luck…"

"I'm just telling you what I think. Don't you care?"

"I'm dying to hear it"

"You're a coward. You keep saying you're smart and brave but the truth is that you're a coward. People are scared of a gun, not of you. They were scared of a knife, not of you. You use these things as you can't achieve what you want using words. You use force as it's the only way you know. So… if you think you can close up in here and maltreat a woman on my watch without I do anything to avoid id… you're just fooling yourself"

"No… I'm not. I count on it. I count of the fact that you'll do whatever you can to protect this woman. It's my added bonus. You'll fight for her and she'll stay here to see you pay for it. Do you think she's going to forget about that? No… she won't. It's gonna be like dying slowly for the both of you. And when I decide it's enough, someone will pick up your pieces. It's harder to play the hero when you perfectly know what's going to happen next. And it will happen… even now… As soon as Yang comes back in here, we'll settle our account, doctor. I use to take what I want. You placed yourself on my path and this will cost you something. So keep that in mind… you want to oppose me? It's like putting yourself on a silver plate"

"No loss than… we both know this is about me. It was about Meredith as she led to me. Now you have what you want, let Cristina go"

"I can't. Really… as Falks thinks I'm going to kill you and he'll send his guys in here if we were alone. I need her here, she's my time insurance. I guess I made pretty clear what I need time for. Even if… I have to admit… now I'm breathing in a woman's scent… it feels awesome and exciting on so many levels"

Derek's face tensed. His brain had registered every word William had said. And the situation wasn't promising, this was crystal clear. He meant to hurt him psychologically, to drag him from every hell and mistake he had done in his life. And the result was sure. He trusted him when he said he would break him. But Cristina wasn't part of this picture, she had to be fine. As if being put under the ringer by Dunn was destroying, seeing him making violence… any kind, but sexual in particular, to Cristina would kill Derek on the spot.

Rape was something horrifying, to a certain extent, more than murder itself. It was like killing a woman without materially doing it. Leaving an empty body survive without a soul to fill it. Derek was scared of many things, but this was beyond imagination.

He could try to take blows, hits… everything. But he couldn't survive to witness something like that.

"Why didn't you call me immediately?"

Something changed in William's eyes, Sheperd saw it. He couldn't guess if it was good or not, but the question had affected him. He forced the moment repeating it again.

"Why didn't you call me in here immediately? Why did you take them instead of me and someone else? Don't tell me it was casual as you don't do casuals… What was it? Were you scared?"

"It's not me the one who's scared. You had to see them… trembling and pleading like two girlies… A piteous scene… But I knew having Grey would attract you. And you did come. Plus now she'll be feeling guilty and crushed. She'll hate herself for not trusting you, for not hearing you out. How do you think she is feeling right now? I give you a hint… Look how you are feeling and double it. Poor Grey… you see? I'm like a hurricane. I leave a path of destruction behind me. And I'm not done yet"

"This didn't answer me. You were scared you couldn't handle men and brought women in here. As this is what you do. You attack women behind their backs… I guess you did that with Cristina too… Really amazing"

"What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem are men who keep laying fingers on women"

"Well… lucky you it happens I'm going to lay them on a man now… I don't know whether you'll like it or not… I guess you won't but… whatever you like…"

Derek held his stare and Dunn sighed. A quick thought crossed his mind and he vocalized it.

"Since you're so concerned about dr. Yang here… we could make a deal"

A deal with the devil… that was the issue here.

"I promise you I won't touch her if you'll be a good boy to me"

"That's what I've been doing since I got here"

"No… you tried… but you didn't do it completely. I want this… I want you to surrender to me completely. Follow me and my speeches… and just take when I want to give… It's pretty simple. You'll be my doormat, she'll be fine"

Derek swallowed and William read through his fears. He stretched his hand and touched his cheek, stroking it quietly.

"I know it's scary… let me do of you whatever I want… but finally… what better choice do you have? You're here… hurt and tied up… I could kill her as soon as she gets back in here and you couldn't do anything… just blink her screams away… I give you this chance. Your pride for her life… it's just about this finally. Answering me without I force you to… opening your arms when I want to win the scratch in my hands… and look me in the eyes all time long… You know… these are the first three tips on the "Dismantling men" manual. And it will be my pleasure to teach you the others"

A noise came from outside the room before Derek had to chance to say anything, William stood up and reached the door. Cristina was outside walking towards them, a bag in her hands. He opened the door and went standing behind Derek, the barrel of the gun to his temple.

"Just be still and nothing will happen… if Yang didn't play any number on me of course"

The door opened and Cristina stopped dead in her tracks seeing Dunn ready to shoot Derek.

"What…"

"Just drop the bag on the chair"

She was paralyzed and her feet refused to move. She flinched when William tightened his grip on Derek's neck.

"Ok…"

She did what asked and stopped in that new position. The door was still wide open in front of her.

"Close the door"

Her heart sank when she obliged. The light invading the hallway ceased and she was back in the gloomy light of that room, alone, defenseless. She had experienced a moment of freedom, of normalcy and the new captivity weighted on her like a stone.

She closed her eyes backing against the wall, hearing Dunn closing all the possible ways in and out. She breathed out trying to feel positive, the free walk had helped her strained nerves and she felt better. She had felt better once out. But now she was back in and panic was investing her again.

She had expected to see someone friendly, maybe meet someone. But it was pretty evident Dunn had arranged stuff to minimize human contacts, he had asked for supplies but avoided to have people walking right outside the room, he had organized this making sure nobody would talk to her, support her, inviting her to walk away and never look back.

Cristina hadn't thought about it… she had never taken into consideration to leave and abandon Derek to his fate, not after what he had done for her, not after all that he had proved. But one thing was avoiding the idea, another was having a door in front of her leading to safety and warm and just ignoring it. If someone had been there to push her, maybe she would have done it. If Owen had been there… she didn't know.

But he wasn't.

She didn't even know if the Chief would inform him about what was going on. Nobody knew of their romance, they weren't technically together. So he could be in an OC room to wonder what was happening to her.

She had been so overwhelmed by all the things going on that she hadn't asked about him. Derek knew something, he surely knew about the two of them, he was in good terms with Hunt now, they went along, shared some drink after shifts. And Owen had a soft spot for the wilderness and had been really impressed when Derek had shown him his land. He had asked him the permission to go up there to have some lonely walk in the morning and Sheperd had accepted of course. So sometimes they went out together to have a jog or to fish.

More than this, Derek was with him when Webber informed them of Dunn's kidnapping. He surely knew which had been his reaction, if Webber had kicked him out or not.

By now it was all she was thinking about.

It occupied her mind, it mastered her thoughts, it was what she needed to fight the fear which was choking her throat all over again.

She slid against the wall and crouched on the floor.

William was examining the content of the bag, their meal apparently didn't satisfy him completely.

"This smells like crap…"

"It's hospital food… what did you expect?"

"Something which won't have me throw up… Anyway… I'm not hungry by now. Are you?"

"No"

"Alright then… I guess this can wait. How did your lonely walk go?"

Cristina looked down, she really couldn't talk to this man, not after what had happened minutes before. She couldn't look at him, hold his stare. She felt humiliated and he hadn't done more than brushing her shoulder through the material of her scrub top. It was stronger than her will not to bother him, it was stronger than any sense of rationality.

"Hey… are you deaf or what?"

Dunn's voice sounded pissed and Cristina closed her eyes, recoiling against the wall. She waited for a new assault but it never came. The angry words she had been fearing to hear never reached her ears, an exasperated sigh did. She opened her eyes to identify the source of it. To her surprise and relief William was still far away, much closer to Derek now.

"You're lucky we made a pact while you were gone…"

Her eyes widened in shock, her breath shortened. What did this mean? He hadn't forced her to answer or yelled at her. He was unbelievably calm, but the evil light was still shining in his features. She started to feel scared before he made anything.

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged, walking in the room quietly. He had finally found something of his liking in the bag the police had given them, he was peeling off a banana and taking big bites of it, chewing and avoiding her stare.

William Dunn enjoyed this like nothing else: being the centre of the attention, having people hanging on his words. And now he had it all. He was just procrastinating the pleasure to deliver her the sense of his conversation with Sheperd, he was creating the suspense, raising her agitation. And he wanted to make sure to eat every little detail of her expression. He threw the banana skin in a corner of the room, scrubbing his hands and chewing the last piece of it.

"Well… I guess it's easier to show you than explaining… Doc…"

Her glare shifted to Derek, he had been sitting the whole time without moving or saying anything. He hadn't rebelled when William had prodded her, he hadn't tried to protect her. He looked… resigned.

What had happened while she was out?

He didn't look hurt… more hurt than he was before.

He was standing up, careful to avoid her eyes. He raised to his full height, his pupils fixed on William who was standing beside him.

"What… Sheperd?"

Cristina tried to establish a contact but Derek didn't look into her direction.

"It's fine Cristina…"

His words sounded weak, like he couldn't escape what was going to happen, like he couldn't brace to tell her what this discussion had concerned. And this made her crazy with worry.

William chuckled, his hand landed on Derek's shoulder, patting it.

Friend to friend. But they weren't friends. And Cristina was sure he had bad intentions.

"Actually this is not fine, doc. As I'm going to work on you…"

Dunn raised his knee forcefully bringing it to Derek's groin, an agony moan filled the room, Sheperd bent forward, leaning against William's chest for support. When the man made a step back, he fell on his knees and then to the ground, flat on his stomach. He kept coughing, curled on himself to protect his aching anatomy. Cristina knew a hit like that could knock a man down. The groin was the weakest and most delicate part of the man's body. And she was sure Dunn hadn't chosen it by chance. He wanted to hurt, but also punish Derek for protecting her. She made a step towards him but Dunn stopped her.

"Relax… he's going to be fine… and this is just the beginning…"

"Please…"

"I repeat… relax… and enjoy"

He started to walk around Derek who was still on the floor, gasping to get air and to breathe. His hand was resting protectively on his lower regions, Cristina saw with horror that he was spitting up blood, raising a wave of excitement from William.

"So much power… so much weakness… It's kind of funny the most virile part of the man's body is also the weakest. I guess it hurts like hell…"

Cristina started to cry when she saw Derek trying to stand and collapsing again, a grimace of pain contorting his face.

"Old Greeks evirated enemies… this must mean something, don't you think?" he looked to Derek and then to Cristina, his plan was working perfectly. "How are the boys… or jewels… or whatever you use to call them? I guess you're not so proud of them by now. This is how I felt half an hour ago, Sheperd. I was ready… excited and you took it away from me. This was how my balls felt… very angry. Enjoy the feeling and pull yourself together"

He approached Cristina, gripping her shoulders from behind. He started to message her, a parody of the relaxing messages Hunt used to administer her after a day of surgeries and tiredness.

"You're in knots… Breathe… you're safe"

"What did you do to him?"

"Nothing… we just had a man to man speech. And we made a deal… I told you"

"What kind of deal?"

"A good one… for everyone. He was very worried about you… especially since I admitted I felt attracted by you… He was afraid I would have tried another approach so… he traded your safety for… cooperation"

Cristina felt her cheeks wetting with tears again. She focused her irises on the man lying on the ground. This was why he hadn't fought against Dunn, why he hadn't protested. He knew she was safe. And William had probably also sworn him revenge.

Compliance was the price of her life.

Dunn left her in the mid of the room and towered Derek, now barely sitting on the floor.

"Are you still in there, doc?"

"Yeah…"

"Come on… pull your voice out… Are you in there?"

"I am"

Cristina knew it was a lie, even William had to realize it.

But they were in the middle of a sadist game, where the only purpose was to unleash and enjoy gratuitous violence. And Dunn took the chance to place a rough kick to Derek's back sending him on the floor again. Cristina snapped to his rescue but Dunn held her tight, his arms circling her shoulders and keeping her still. She froze in his undesired hug, flinching when he spoke right into her ear.

"He did this for you, Yang, I don't know why… but he is doing this for you. So sit down and enjoy the show before I change my mind even if … said between the two of us… this is so much better than sex"

He shoved her against the wall, Cristina's face rested on the cold surface. She heard William's steps going far from her, she turned to look at him just in time to see him place a new blow to Derek's stomach. The doctor rolled on the floor and then stopped, gasping for air.

William was circling around him like a vulture. This had been his choice and he meant to make it the worst possible. He waved his foot again but it collided smacking against Sheperd's forearms, bent on his torso to protect it. The groan escaping the doctor's lips brought a smile to Dunn's face.

"This wasn't our deal… show me your tummy, doc"

Unbelievably, Derek lowered his arms and defenses and left room to his attacker to kick him again. The violence of the hit lifted him from the ground, he landed some feet away, coughing and panting. He took long moments before opening his eyes again. Cristina thought he would stand up, but apparently he had no strength left to do it. He rolled on his back, opening his arms to ease the inspiration. His chest was rising and falling too quickly, he didn't look able to catch his breath and slow the pace. He brought his hands on his heart, breathing in and out.

William's voice reached him in his limbo.

"So… having second thoughts? We can still resettle the borders of our agreement if you want…"

Derek kept silent. Silence was stubborn denial.

"So you're serious about this… bad idea… I have to go serious myself then"

He reared his feet and Cristina started to scream when he hit Derek's sides over and over again, the air filled with noises of effort and strain from one side and moans and groans from the other. When William had enough and stopped raging on Derek, the doctor laid still on the floor and Cristina's face was hidden in her hands.

Dunn wiped the sweat from his brows and walked away, sending a look full of contempt first to Sheperd then to Cristina.

"Why are you crying?" he hissed her "you should be happy he gave his ribs for you… I wonder if he'll do it again next time" he took a sip of water and cleared his throat "stop as you're getting on my nerves".

He followed her gaze, resting on Derek's unmoving form.

"Put him upright… I'm not done with him yet"

He sank on his chair and Cristina knelt near Derek, she rolled him gently on his back.

He looked conscious… his fingers were moving but his eyes were shut… she stroked his cheek and he flinched, she could feel him trembling under her touch.

This was Derek Sheperd, her boss.

This was the man she had been blaming for months for Meredith's unhappiness.

This was the man who she used to define an ass.

This ass was giving his own life to protect her.

And she hadn't even asked.

Meredith loved this guy. She would die if something happened to him. And Cristina realized, in that very moment, she would die too.

As hating him was part of her character.

Cristina Yang hated McDreamy.

Cristina Yang liked Derek Sheperd.

Maybe she couldn't stop this, maybe she couldn't talk him out of this crazy deal he had reached, but the one thing she could and will do, was saying out loud how she felt about him.

* * *

_I'm sorry about this... really._

_But this epilogue will give room to what I have in mind for the next chapter._

_The rest... is still going on through my mind and I have to make order._

_I'm in two mood about it._

_Don't know._

_I appreciate all of your reviews, your opinions about my story._

_I know it's rough but William Dunn is a serial killer not a boy scout._

_Just remember about this._

_R & R and see you asap: first with new episode of "The finale that will change everything" (don't know when...) and then with another chaper of this one._

_See you guys!_


	15. DOUBTS

_Hey... _

_I hope you didn't lose hope... here is my new chapter._

_R & R, also new followers!_

_I need your support._

* * *

"Are you sure about that?"

"Absolutely, sir"

Falks saw Webber covering his mouth in the corner of his visual field. He looked like he was going to vomit in seconds.

How saying he was wrong?

Brigs had just opened a curtain on the worst possible scenario.

He reported him and his men had clearly heard screams minutes before.

There weren't gunshots and they could swear they were feminine screams.

After that, the usual, unbearable silence had fallen in the corridor.

No move, no word, anything.

Now all the team was ready to burst in action, but there was going to be no action.

Falks took a look around, everything looked under control here, he called one of the technician near him.

"How is it going?"

"Not bad"

"Craig, I have no will and time to joke right now. How is it going? Have you found a way in?"

"Well…" the man displayed a plan on the wall, tracing it with his medium finger "the only way in is here" he pointed to a pipe and Falks followed his indication. He turned to look at him when he noticed the exit was right above the place they supposed Dunn kept Derek and Cristina hostage.

"But you're coming out right above his head"

"That's the point…"

"If he hears you… I don't want to know what's going to happen"

"Me either. But I have gone through all these papers hundreds of times. That's my only chance"

"Would you be ready to do it?"

"When you want… we have all the equipment we need"

"Ok… I'll let you know"

He turned on his heels and Webber followed him like a lost puppy. They went through the sliding door, Falks greeted an officer guarding the secured area and they headed to the elevator.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Falks stared at Webber, it looked like this doctor had the power to read through his mind, to take all the details and the secret signs his men were giving him.

"Nothing, Webber. You were there… you heard everything"

"I heard… but I don't know if I interpreted well your silences and stares. What do you think happened in there?"

Caldwell's director sighed and Webber got it was bad, it was probably his worst fear, probably what he had understood by himself. Something so bad and cruel nobody dared to pronounce it. He didn't know why he needed to hear it, loud and clear. Maybe it was because he had a really hard time to process what was going on, maybe it was because he couldn't believe this was really happening. Or maybe because he wanted to be ready when he had to face Hunt back in his office.

This was the kind of news you never wanted to deliver to anyone.

In compare a bad surgery was nothing to inform about.

He saw the same despair on Falk's face.

"You know it already, Richard"

It was the first time Falks addressed to him using his first name and Webber was sure it wasn't casual. The officer was trying to soften the field to drop the bomb.

"I need you to tell me"

Falks nodded and searched at the bottom of his gut the strength to utter those words.

"Brig heard screaming and it looked… it was a woman's voice"

"I got that"

"My fear is that he did it… that Dunn raped her"

Webber looked away, it felt even worse to hear it voiced. How was he supposed to say this stuff to Hunt? He'd go crazy.

"I can't go in there and tell him something like that unless we're 100% sure"

"It's not we have other chances"

"Will you let that camera in or not?"

"I need to discuss it with the others"

They arrived in front of Webber's office and stopped. Falks looked at Webber and patted his shoulder.

"I think it's better all that people leave the room and we talk to Hunt privately. Is there a place they can go?"

Richard looked to the conference room right opposite his den and Falks got what he meant.

"Ok… let's go" the office pushed the door knob and the room displayed in front of them. Everyone looked up but the Chief avoided eye contact to anyone.

"So?" Trent inquired but Caldwell's boss just ignored him.

"We need you all to leave this room"

"What?" Owen muttered standing up, his look full of disbelief and tiredness "we need to know what's going on in there, what you plan to do after twelve hours. You can't just kick us outside like that"

"Doctor Hunt… it's not my plan to get rid of you. I just need some privacy to inform you about the last developments and I need your colleges out. Please"

The man's voice was softer and he stared openly to the other doctors in the room.

"You can wait in the room in front of this… it won't take so much"

Bailey stood up, she didn't like the idea but it was evident something had happened, she touched Mark's shoulder and Sloan obliged. Only Meredith just stayed sat on the couch, her eyes were trying to find contact with the Chief but the way he had sank on his chair and was looking down didn't promise anything good.

"I want to stay here" her voice was a breath, still shaking for the ocean of emotions she had been through. Derek was still there, Cristina was there. Her persons were still there and she meant to know everything, about the both of them.

The others walked out without even protesting, they had sensed something bad had happened and needed to be discussed. The door closed behind the negotiator's back and they were left alone.

Falks sat on a chair in front of the couch, he swallowed trying to prepare a mental speech.

Doctor Hunt was openly looking at him, his eyes mirrored fear and Falks decided not to let him suffer anymore. Even if that suffering would be nothing in compare of the perspective he was going to give him, the doubt he was going to seed.

"Ok… there's no good way to say this so… I'm going to say it"

A tear rolled down Meredith's cheek and Hunt just nodded weekly.

"A few minutes ago… half an hour more or less… my team heard clear and definite screams"

Owen hid his face in both hands and Meredith started to sob loudly.

"They can't be sure… absolutely… but they reported them to be feminine"

A thick silence fell in the room, broken only by Grey's whimpers.

Hunt's face was buried in his palms, he was breathing in and out loud, rocking on his sit.

"Do you think she's dead?"

"No… we have no evidence of that. And we don't even know if she got actually hurt but… it could be a very tangible possibility"

"So why did you send everyone out? What is there so awful to tell me?"

Falks looked to Webber but the doctor looked too drained out to help him. This was all on him. Maybe he would have done better to keep a shrink in the room.

* * *

Cristina had finally succeeded in taking Derek against the wall.

Supporting… holding up… dragging… pushing… it was difficult to define the action with one only word.

And it wasn't even important now, not anymore.

What mattered was that he was sitting on his ass, breathing… gasping… trying to survive.

_She didn't know how much time had passed._

_Minutes… a handful of minutes for sure._

_Derek was still lying on the floor, his eyes closed, unresponsive to everything which could happen around._

_He was conscious though._

_Only he didn't answer her stimulations, her words._

_He gave her the evidence he was alive and alert but didn't interact._

_Cristina kept touching him, his face, his pulse point, everything which could give her sign he was really awake._

_She had loosened the last button of his shirt, he needed air, he needed more oxygen, he needed to calm down. A thick lather of sweat covered his face and spotted the armpits and chest of his shirt, prove that he was in pain and his breathing system was in distress._

"_Derek…"_

_Cristina brushed his shoulder and squeezed it, trying to create a contact._

"_Give me a second"_

_His words sounded slurred and so weak that she shivered, the lump in her throat coming back at full force. She kept stroking his face, trying to soothe the pain away, to relax him. She knew it wasn't enough… it wouldn't have been enough. Derek needed more than comfort, he needed medical care, he needed to stay still and flat. All things which, surely, weren't going to happen soon._

_Cristina startled when Derek rolled on his knees, leant on his four gasping and tried to stand. As soon as he put weight on one leg, a sharp pain seared through his sided and he collapsed again, groaning in pain. Cristina tried to catch him but she couldn't stop the fall, she just had to grip his shoulders and rub them, adrenaline causing her almost to yell at him._

"_What the hell are you trying to do? Kill yourself?"_

"_I just…" he grimaced in pain again, closing his eyes and doubling over, his good arm resting protectively on his side and ribcage. He was panting and this brought more strain._

_Ribs were sneaky; a fracture, and she was sure Derek had more than one, caused a pain which bent a man in two, cutting him, making impossible to do normal and basilar stuff like walking, breathing._

_A few people knew ribcage was elastic besides being osseous, this because it had to dilate and contract during inspiration and expiration. And when Derek did this… a knife entered his sides taking his breath away._

_This situation was horrible, but knowing what he was going through, the problems he was having without being able to do anything was maddening._

"_Just try to slow down… slow down"_

_His shakes slowly decreased and a little color came back to his face. Not much… but she could detect the difference. He was still deadly pale but not green. _

"_I just want to get off this floor"_

_He started to move and she knelt near him._

"_Let me help you"_

"_I can do it…"_

_His acting and shivering said differently though. Cristina snaked an arm around his waist, careful not to squeeze or tighten her grip too much._

"_Lean on me"_

_Derek didn't protest this time, he circled Cristina's back with his arm and started to straighten up. He groaned in the process and swayed on his legs once up, Cristina balanced him, slowing him down._

"_Just stop… stop. You need to get used to this"_

_Standing… he needed to get used to stand on his feet again. He sighed and started to walk despite her resistance. Cristina could feel the tremors radiating from his arm, they were getting stronger and stronger, sign that his resistance was at the higher limit. The gracefully reached the wall and Derek slipped down it, closing his eyes and gasping like a dead fish._

She gave him some minute to collect himself, to assess to the new position.

"Let me check you"

Her hand moved down, from his neck towards his side, but as soon as she touched him, Derek stopped her fingers.

"No…"

His voice was shaky and weak and Cristina looked at him, his eyes refused to open.

"I need to visit you"

"I'm fine"

"I wouldn't call this fine"

She looked around, Dunn wasn't paying attention to them. He was playing with Meredith's cell. He had lost interest in Derek at the moment, but she didn't fool herself on the reason of it. He just thought he wouldn't be enough fun… and Dunn wanted this first of all. Satisfaction and excitement.

"_Put him upright… I'm not done with him yet"_

By now she was acting like William's partner in crime.

She was volunteering to take care of Sheperd, to help him feeling better. What for?

She got Derek's point of view, he knew other vexation would come, these treatments were just going to reveal weak spots to use later.

But she couldn't help it, she was a doctor and doctors wanted to help, no matter what.

She wanted to make sure and get his real condition, his survival was her main concern and she started to fear that he was giving up, he was losing hope to come out of this.

She stroked his cheek quietly with her thumb, a tear rolled down her face when she realized he relaxed in her touch. She needed to support him… to keep him upright. This tenderness after what he had been subjected to was the best way to let him know he wasn't alone, he wasn't a goner, he wasn't hopeless. There was so much out of here for him. A life full of success and love, Meredith's love.

She hoped this knowledge would give him enough strength to react and open up to her.

* * *

Falks exchanged a quick look with Webber sighing.

Hunt was losing his patience, he could see that.

"So? I survived a war and I'm not going to break. If something happened I want to know it… I want to know it right now"

"Ok… Brig told me these screams weren't… isolated. They heard many… repeated and spaced out. And they also could detect noises"

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm seriously worried for dr. Yang's safety"

"You've just said you don't think she's dead"

"It's not her life I'm concerned about. I'm afraid… I'm afraid Dunn put his threat into action… I'm afraid he raped her"

Owen shook his head slightly, he shrugged his forehead with uncertain fingers and then shook his head again.

"No…"

"I'm sorry"

"No…"

"I'm sorry"

"Stop saying that!" He stood furiously starting to pace in the room.

"Dr. Hunt…"

"No! You don't get to be sorry for something you don't know for sure. You don't know what the hell happened in there"

"No, you're right, we don't. But we worked on what he said to us before, on the conversation he had with Trent… conversation you heard yourself. This was his plan. He said he hadn't arrived till the end as dr. Sheperd stood in the mid. But, if you knew Dunn like I do, you'd know this won't stop him forever"

"Derek wouldn't let him do it"

Hunt's certainties started to crumble down, he was pretty sure nothing would happen to Cristina till Derek was in there. Now this man wanted to make him believe differently and he was starting to break into pieces. He stated he wouldn't, but he was.

"I know… but we also know Dunn has handcuffs and leg irons. I'm sure dr. Sheperd wouldn't stop in front of a gun to avoid something like that, but he couldn't do anything if he was immobilized"

The draw Falks was painting was worse than an horror movie. Owen felt blind rage coursing in his veins, he appealed to all his self-control not to yell, not to burst out, not to break anything in this damned office. But finally the sense of impotence he was feeling exploded, he punched the display cabinet of Webber's library shattering the glass into million pieces. The Chief jumped on his seat, he stood up immediately when he noticed Owen's hand bleeding, covered in slivers.

"Hunt…" Richard approached him with a towel.

"I'm fine"

"You're not" Webber touched his ruined knuckles but Owen pushed him away.

"Don't touch me" he stopped in the middle of the room trying to calm down, he wiped sweat away from his brows. "You don't know what happened in there. You can be right… you can be. But I won't believe this happened until you give me the absolute evidence…"

"Owen…" Richard tried to reason, the trauma surgeon was refusing reality, an awful reality for sure, but a really possible one.

"No… I know what you're trying to tell me. I'm not avoiding reality or refusing it. But you're not sure of what happened and I won't believe it till I hear… till that son of the bitch will have the nerve or be bold enough to call in here and say it straight to my face"

"Ok… that's your right"

Owen nodded looking away, he had the strong feeling Falks was being condescending to him, patronizing him. But he didn't want to argue on this right now.

"What do you plan to do?"

"My men have arranged a camera. We're sending it in… ten minutes I guess"

"And then?"

Falks breathed out, he didn't know the answer to this question. He depended on what they would see once inside. The reason of their await was preserving the hostages' life, to find the right way and time to take them both out alive. If they really got the evidence what they feared had happened, Dunn had actually made violence to Yang, everything would change. There was no sense in keep waiting, there was no sense in playing his game anymore. They would go in and drag him out. Only they had to be totally conscious this could mean kill those doctors.

"Then, once we'll have given confirm to our fears… or faded them… we could decide what to do"

"I want to be there when the camera goes in"

"No"

"You've just told me my girlfriend was probably raped by that bastard… like hell I'm gonna stay here waiting again"

Falks breathed out, his words made sense and he nodded. He didn't know what they were going to see, he didn't know if this was a good idea. But he really couldn't say no.

"I'll send one of my men here to bring you down"

Hunt nodded and walked to the door. Falks looked at him frowning.

"Where are you going?"

"I need some minute by myself"

He went out slamming the door behind his back.

Richard focused on Meredith, she had stopped crying. She possibly had no left tear. She was staring blankly in front of her.

* * *

Cristina was starting to fear Derek was mad at her.

Since she had helped him up, he hadn't said one word, one sentence, anything.

He kept sitting against the wall, his eyes closed, both hands in his lap.

His breathing was labored, sign she wasn't wrong about the damages he had suffered during Dunn's last attack.

She hoped the difficulty he had suffered was just out of pain, but now she was pretty sure there was really something wrong with him.

She felt his pulse point and, once again, he didn't protest, he didn't do anything to escape the contact. She sighed, his heart rate was still higher than expected. He had to lay down, not stay like that.

"Sheperd…"

"What?"

If she didn't know what had happened, she would think he was drank due to the slurryness of his words. She felt relieved instead, he had actually talked.

"I think you might have something broken…"

She touched his chest, felt his abdomen and let her hand slip down, towards his waist line, lingering on his sides.

She could feel him tensing and flinching and, more than that, she could feel something was wrong. There were steps in his bones in places there should be none, her touch was enough to reveal fractures, which meant they were bad and probably multiple.

"I know…"

She looked at him in shock, it was the first time he talked and he didn't even try to better his situation, to reassure her, to deny anything. His eyelashes opened lazily and she swallowed seeing his irises and pupils. They weren't as usual, they weren't healthy. His eyes were lucid… vitreous… the eyes of a sick man.

"Let me check then"

She touched him again but he stopped her hand. She lost her patience. Her nerves were too strained for this.

"What now?"

"I know I have something broken"

Cristina feared the rest before even hearing it.

"I felt it breaking… and I feel it now. I don't need your confirm"

"You do. We need to know exactly what is wrong with you"

"What for?"

"As you could get worse"

"It sounds quite impossible"

"If your ribs are broken, they could pierce a lung or damage other organs"

Derek didn't respond and Cristina got even madder.

"They could have done it already"

"I'm fine"

"You're not"

"My ribs didn't pierce anything… don't worry about that"

"How do you know?"

"It happened already years ago and I remember the feeling. My lungs are fine"

"But it could happen"

"We can't do anything to avoid it"

"What the hell is your problem? Are you giving up?"

Cristina's voice raised and Derek opened his eyes. They settled on her and he felt sorry. She was just trying to help and he wasn't letting her. He swallowed and took her hand.

"I'm not. And I'm sorry if I'm not communicative. But I'm trying to breathe and you panicking on me just…"

He shook his head and closed his eyes again. Before Cristina could realize it, she was crying.

"Do you know how this makes me feel?"

Derek opened his eyes feeling her voice quivering and breaking down.

"Cristina…"

Damn it, he had volunteered to go through hell and back for her and she was even crying on him now. But she couldn't stop it.

"No… no…" she shoved his hand away "I had to watch him… watch him… and I couldn't do anything. And you did it for me and… you should hate me. You should hate me on the contrary"

"I have never hated you"

"But you should. And now you're hurt. And you're refusing my help and… you can't even look at me. What do you think I feel about it?"

Derek swallowed, he hadn't the answer for this one. He had assumed Cristina really hated him, that she could stay there without budging a finger. But he was wrong. Their relationship was somewhat better than he expected, she had feelings for him. Also good feelings and he sensed it wasn't just about this experience. She had always had and was expressing them now. Better later than ever, this was what they said usually. But he didn't agree with it now.

This made things more complicated. He had offered up to Dunn to protect her for many reasons.

They spent their work time in the same place, they were colleges and this would anyway be enough to offer her protection and support. Women were more vulnerable in tough situations and Derek couldn't imagine to watch one go under a violence without doing anything, was she known or not. Only cowards attacked women and William was a big one.

But there were truths bigger than that.

Because he had promised it to Hunt.

He felt responsible for her, he felt her last rock, her last connection to the real and civil world.

Being the man in the situation.

His dad had taught him to be a man and, somehow, somewhere, he had lost it.

But now, in here, he was determined to do everything he could, everything he felt to oppose to this animal. No matter what this would cost him, no matter what this could imply for him and his health.

Integrity wasn't something you waved in good days and forget in bad ones when it was convenient.

One thing Derek had learnt about himself in that room was this.

He had feared to have lost his track in the last months, he was scared to pretend to be honest and respectful but to be an ass instead.

He wasn't. As every time Dunn had done or tried to do anything to Cristina and Meredith, a wave of rage… indignation had exploded inside of him. He had reacted not stopping for a second to fear for himself, his person. This meant he really felt this way, this was what he was, that he was different from Dunn no matter what he was trying to have him think instead.

Derek felt ready to face everything, he was scared, but he wouldn't make a step back.

It was one of the few things he had time to learn from his father.

Even men could be scared, even men could be afraid. Even men could make mistakes. But the strength wasn't to deny it and pretend nothing had happened. It was apologizing for it, trying to become better, learn from the wrongs you did and inflicted to other people, on work and in life.

Derek felt like he was a good… decent man. But the list of his mistakes had grown longer than a highway in the last few years. Especially with Meredith. And Addison too.

She had hurt him, in the most cruel and opportunist way, she had lied to him. But the lack of respect and sensitivity he had reversed on her during the months he was supposed to be working on their marriage… well… he had no excuse for that. It was out of every teaching he had ever received.

And Meredith… he had taken trust away from her, he had sworn he would wait and then hadn't. He had dig the hole he had lived for months with his own hands.

If she had come out of it all, it was thanks to Cristina too.

Because she was Meredith's person.

"_She was there when you weren't"_

Many times he had felt jealous of Cristina's role in Meredith's life.

Especially when they weren't together and he hadn't focused… hadn't really understood the reasons of this farness. After he did, there wasn't one day he wasn't graceful for her presence in her girlfriend's life.

Because they supported each other, they helped each other, they loved each other. They even insulted each other but, in the end, always ended up making up.

As they were like sisters and it was one relationship nobody could break or ruin.

Derek wanted to make sure Meredith would always have her sister besides her. If he died, she was the only person he trusted on this.

Cristina would take care of Meredith, help her, getting her drunk even but… finally… she would never abandon her.

Yang was hard, but once she cared about someone she was generous and special. She was special to Meredith the same way Meredith was special to her.

They would fight for each other and Derek wanted to fight for them too.

And finally Cristina was part of his family too.

She often stopped by for dinner, they had also shared the same bed, Derek had stretched his hand many mornings and found Cristina instead of Meredith. He knew her tastes, her likings and dislikings, the shows she watched, the films that thrilled her, her political ideas. They had shared some confidence without realizing it. Derek liked her, only he had always thought it wasn't mutual. Now this simple concept was being reversed and it shook his certainties, his conviction, his strength even.

She was relying on him and this wasn't part of his plans.

He swallowed hearing her sniffling again, she was wiping her cheeks avoiding his stare.

"Please… there aren't many things I can do… but I can do this. Helping you… please"

Derek nodded but Cristina started to cry even louder. He took her wrist and pulled her in a hug, her weight was crashing him but it didn't matter, they needed to comfort each other, that's all they needed now. The rest could wait five minutes.

* * *

Teddy was trying to stay focused on her work but it was almost impossible. Every ten seconds she took a look to her pager, to her cell hoping to find a message, a text… anything which could update her on the drama going on within the hospital. But nothing had happened yet and it was a slow torture. Faking calm and normalcy in front of everyone. Nurses, doctors, interns. The Chief had done a great job and nobody suspected anything, life was going on like nothing was happening.

Torres and Robbins were doing everything to keep it together but it was simpler to them.

They were behind their colleges of course, but their relationship with both Cristina and Derek was superficial. Callie was really worried for Mark but for Teddy all this was a nightmare.

Cristina was her assistant, her resident, the person she spent all day with.

They weren't friends as their roles didn't allow it, but they respected each other, like each other.

And Cristina was Owen's woman, her closest friend, the man she had loved for so many years. Living this not being able to support him felt like a betrayal.

She stopped in the middle of the corridor when she noticed a man entering an interdicted area, a boiler room she believed. But she wasn't surprised by the violation, she was thunderstruck as the man she saw looked like Owen. It was him. Only it wasn't possible. He was surely upstairs, in Webber's office, there was no way he was wandering in far and dark rooms. This had to be an hallucination, her stressed brain producing fooling images of the person she longed to help and see so much. She sighed rubbing her eyes. Fantasying on Hunt wasn't the best way to do what Webber had asked them to do. Keeping this place upright as much as possible. She snorted deciding she had lingered too much in self commiseration and depression, she needed to go back to the pit where her fellows were waiting for her.

She started to walk down the corridor but stopped once arrived in front of the door the Owen-like man had entered minutes before.

A voice was screaming inside of her head and she felt the metal of the door knob before she could realize she had gripped it. She pushed it down and the door opened, displaying a dark room in front of her. She had never come here before. There were pipes and tubes everywhere, big grids on the floor she didn't know what were for. It was spectral and disturbing and she decided to go out. Turning around, she noticed a shoe poking out of a corner, it had to be a foot, it had to belong to the man she had seen before. Only it wasn't moving, it looked like the owner was sitting, still, maybe bothered by the foreign presence. She decided to take a look and her heart sank in her stomach when she saw him.

Owen.

Crying.

Alone.

He raised his eyes realizing someone shared the room with him, he sighed seeing Teddy and she didn't get if it was for relief or resignation. He shook his head hiding his blood shot eyes.

"Leave me alone, please"

His voice tore her heart. She had never heard him talking like that, either after the most dreadful experiences they had shared in Iraq.

Owen was a guy who never lost hope, he never gave up, he always fought.

Nothing of this was in his voice anymore.

"Owen…"

She didn't know what to tell him. There weren't words she could use to soothe him. She just knelt in front of him, rubbing his knees to let him feel she was there, she wanted to help. He looked up, his eyes scanning the room without setting anywhere, he shook his head and Teddy got he was trying to push something out of his mind.

"Anything you want… I'm here"

"I need to be back in a few minutes… We're going to try and see inside of that room"

A hundred of questions were popping in Teddy's mind but she bit her tongue, Owen didn't need to be invested by her concerns right now. It was evident something had happened and she hoped he would tell her without prodding him.

"Falks suspects… he told me… they think Dunn might have raped her"

Teddy didn't react but the world fell on her shoulders.

She wasn't strong enough to hear about this, she wasn't that person. The kind of help she wanted to give was far away from this. But now she was there and she had to do something. She took his hands in hers and squeezed them.

"How can they say it?"

"They heard screams… they heard her screaming and… he said he had already tried an approach and Derek had defensed her"

"Maybe he did even this time"

Owen stood up and walked in the mid of the room, rubbing his eyes.

"Owen…"

"I am a monster"

He turned around and faced her, he was crying and she stood to reach his hands.

"What?"

"I am a monster"

"What are you saying?"

"That bastard took them… he took Meredith and Cristina and he called… he called the Chief to make sure we knew he was ready to anything. You can't imagine the things he said straight to our faces… the way he said them"

Teddy was sure Owen's stomach was churning while remembering, she could say it by the way his face was contracting in disgust and hate. She thanked God she hadn't been in that room.

"And how are you a monster in this?"

"As when he asked for Derek I felt relieved"

He started to pace in the room again and Teddy tried to calm him down.

"It was normal you did"

"You don't understand…"

"Explain me" he was pacing in the room, lost in his thoughts and Teddy tried to shake him. She raised her voice considerably and approached, taking his cheeks in her palms

"Explain me"

Her voice was strong and commending, the timber she used when she was in the army. She was his pair and Hunt had to answer.

"Sheperd's father was killed and Dunn invited him in there saying he would do the same end… That's the perspective he was given and I felt the fucking relieved!"

He hit the wall with his fist and Teddy flinched.

Owen's nerves were in shreds as well as Webber's had been.

Now she was starting to process why.

"It's horrible, Owen. I get it. But you felt relieved as you got it was not Cristina he wanted to hurt"

"So this is good?"

"No, it's not. But it's human and you are human. Sheperd is a man and he chose to go and take the heat. I guess this gave everyone time and you're allowed to be relieved"

"No… no… as he is the only friend I have here besides you. He gives me advice, he helped me out of my PTSD and it's not right I felt relieved as I thought Cristina was safe thanks to him. It's awful… it's awful"

"Owen…"

"And it's awful I stayed there all the time holding Meredith's hand thinking of this"

He had started to pace again in the room, raking a hand in his short hair in frustration.

"I didn't think this could happen. I have tried to stay calm, to breathe, to focus, to be positive. But I'm dying inside. As every second which passes, every round the clock makes, I keep wondering what the hell is going on in there, what he is saying to them, what he's doing to them. This await is killing us and it's right what he wants. We are firm and stuck in the conviction next time he's going to call, we'll nail him, get something from him. But then he talks, he speaks of violence and rape and everything he's ready to do and we end up begging him and giving him everything he wants. And last time I couldn't take it anymore. If he really did that… it's my fault too"

"What are you saying this?"

"I threatened him… I threatened him from Webber's office forgetting about the little fact I was in there and he's elsewhere, with Cristina. How smart from me, uhm?"

"You need to stop this, Owen. You need to stop torturing yourself like this"

"My provocation might have set him on Cristina"

"No… no… it didn't" she approached him again, gripping his chin tightly. "Nothing he did was made because of you, everything was planned and decided by his sick and twisted mind. You can do nothing, Owen. Not till Cristina is there and you're here. Nothing… You can just try to keep it together and be ready when she comes out as, one way or the other, she's going to need you"

Owen hid his eyes, Teddy knew he hated people to be around when he cried.

"You're binding to his game, Owen. He has been manipulating you all since the beginning. As this is the way he can keep getting what he wants. Put your head on, did you hear me?"

When Hunt didn't answer, she raised her voice again.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah"

"Good… now just go back in there and be strong. You can do it, for yourself and Cristina too. Be strong, Owen. And don't assume the worst till it's not happened"

"I'm scared"

"I know… I am too. I'll pray for you… for them. Just text me if you need to talk, ok?"

He nodded and wiped his eyes.

"Keep me updated if you feel for it… But I'll be by your side anyway"

"I'm going to be late"

He walked away, disappearing behind the door.

Teddy was left alone, drained out and speechless.

She couldn't go back to work with this pending doubt, she couldn't keep those horrible thoughts out of her head.

She slipped down the wall and sat on the floor.

She didn't feel so exhausted since she had left Iraq.

She didn't feel so hopeless since Owen had left her.

Because now like never before, she felt that their lives were going to change.

Unless they hadn't already and they didn't know it yet.

* * *

Falks had just come out of the elevator with Webber.

Doctor Hunt was going to join them downstairs, one of his men had taken custody of him and was leading him to the room they had organized.

This was a critical stage of this siege.

Jermin pressed to barge in.

This had always been his idea, from the very beginning.

The shrinks were more careful, they were confused and torn about Dunn's real intentions.

Trent lingered between these two lines but Falks didn't trust him completely. He had spent too much time with Dunn, he was his lawyer and, despite the horror he felt for this story, the good way he had handled the previous conversation, Falks suspected he still valued his role of tutor and guarantor for William's safety.

Everything depended on what the camera would show them.

If the alarm Falks himself had awakened turned out to be real, the SWAT would take the lead and drag Dunn out, hostages or not. If it proved to be a false alarm, they would still be in the same spot, torn between the will to end this and the standard procedures.

"My God…"

Webber's voice reached him from behind, he turned around to know why this exclamation. Like the doctor, he paled seeing a well know man approaching the both of them.

The journalist.

"Well… this hospital is really bursting with action, I see. Don't you even go home sleeping, dr. Webber?"

Richard exchanged a look with Falks. The protective lines they had instated outside the hospital had failed, this man had succeeded to enter without anyone warned them. And now their secret was in danger.

"Wills… what are you doing here?" Falks sounded cheeky and arrogant but this didn't seem to impress the new come. On the contrary, it just gave him the certainty something was going on.

"I guess the real question is what are you doing here?" He marked the pronoun and saw nervousness playing on the officer's face. "But I guess the answer is clear. Dunn never made it back to Caldwell. Dr. Webber here set me on the wrong track and I took his bluff, but then I overheard Trent in the parking lot and the circled closed. What's going on?"

"Nothing" gritted Andrew.

"So what? Are you here for a nurse strike?" he giggled and Webber found it awful. Now he got why Falks was so pragmatic and dry in his statements, he had to do with this kind of people every day. If not worse. Murderers, thieves, robbers, rapists. And journalists and lawyers fighting for the wrong human rights. Something to give you a massive head ache from morning to evening.

Falks tried to walk past the man.

"I haven't time for you, Josh"

"No problem. You'll see my special edition later"

"Excuse me?"

"I'll be on the air in half an hour from the parking"

"Why?"

Wills shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm telling a story… of how hundreds of people who were waiting for Dunn never had the chance to see him or his prison van, of how any my crew, lurking at every entrance of your prison, saw movement from this afternoon up to now, of how the Chief of surgery is working impossible schedules, of how you and your team have taken the control of this place. What do you say? Is this enough of a story?"

"You can't do that"

"Why not? It's called freedom of the press, don't you know it?"

"You want to have blood on your hands? As this would be the only reason for you to advertise this story"

Wills raised his hands in surrender.

"Geez, Falks, slow down. It's a heavy accusation, don't you think? I'm just trying to do my work"

"You're doing a disaster"

"How would I know? But you could explain me and I could cooperate with you"

"Cut the crap, Wills. What do you want?"

"An exclusive interview with you"

"Ok, when everything is over, you'll have me"

Falks tried to walk away again but Josh's giggle stopped him.

"Nice try. In an hour, Falks. I want you to tell me what the hell is going on, I want to be posted, I want to stay here, I want to breathe on your neck"

"That's impossible and you know it"

"Well… I'm sorry but I have to go on air with my poor, miserable, incomplete story then. I can't wait for other network to sniffle this"

Webber lost his patience.

"That's all what is at stake for you here… a damned scoop?"

"It's my job, dr. Webber. I live for this"

"Well, your job should stop when real lives are at stake"

"I have no problem to do this. I'm available to wait. But Falks needs to give me something in exchange. And I want to make something clear here…. My tv is not the only in place. You are naive if you think Dunn's disappearance would go unnoticed. Many of my colleges have spies in your prison… a good tip buys a lot of tip off, Falks. I have more details than everyone and I won't lose this. The truth is going to come out soon, I just want to be in front of the line"

"What do you want?"

"I told you. I'll wait an hour to air, but I'll do and I want you there with me"

"You'll pop me only pre-agreed questions"

"Ok"

"No mention to people involved until we have informed the families"

"We have other people involved?"

"Don't joke with me. I'm tired and I have plenty of things to do, that's why we need to go now. Meet me out of Webber's office in half an hour, one of mine will take you there"

"Ok"

"If you break this trade, Wills, you'll make a scoop deep from a confinement cell. I hope we're clear on this"

"We are"

"See you later then"

He walked away and Richard followed him, he started to talk when the sliding door closed and the undesired guess was out of ear.

"Are you seriously doing that?"

"I have no choice. My secretary called me an hour ago. He wasn't bluffing when he said there are hundreds of people outside Caldwell. I hoped we could have privacy for longer but… it's been almost twenty hours"

"What if he knows what's happening outside?"

"We'll discuss with the negotiators and shrinks later. For sure we need to lead the dance with Wills and his shark friends. That's why I accepted his proposal. We'll say them the truth but step by step and in the way we need and prefer. Nobody is going to turn Dunn into a modern hero, I promise"

"What about my people?"

Falks stopped once passed the last door and standing in the mid of the operative quarter. He leant his hands on Webber's shoulders.

"You'll inform them. We'll arrange a cordon around the hospital and you'll tell them. First the closest people… then all the others. They'll act as inner controllers. They will close one to the other and compact against the common enemies: Dunn and press. Nobody will give information or will feel to sell news once they know two of them are in mortal danger"

"If they're not dead already"

"That's what we're here to check"

He left Webber's shoulders and addressed to an officer passing by.

"Is dr. Hunt already here?"

"Yeah, he's in the room with Craig and Briggs; I think they're ready sir"

"Thank you, let's go"

He led Richard trough another room and entered a self-made technic room.

Webber sighed, this was a conference room, a place he had spent many mornings in boring and electric meetings with his attendings.

Now there were wires, screens and a few men with earphones and strange equipment. Richard recognized Craig, the camera responsible, he was handling a strange lever, similar to Joysticks boys used for videogames. Falks left him standing by himself and approached his staff, making sure everything was really ready as one thing was clear: this was the only try they had. One wrong move, Derek and Yang would be dead.

Webber stared at the man who was holding his surgeons' lives. He was chewing a gum, he had an earring to his left lobe, his trousers were worn and ragged. He wouldn't give a penny to this guy but he knew Falks had expressively asked for him, he had to be good… he needed to be good.

He swallowed and patted Hunt's shoulder. He hadn't seen him anymore after he had left to find solace and solitude in some hidden corner of the hospital.

His appearance didn't leave anything unrevealed. He had cried, he was anxious, he was on the tenterhooks but it couldn't be anyway different.

"All right people"

Falks' voice sounded confident and authoritative.

Everybody shut up, a thick silence fell in the room.

"I need your absolute silence now, this is very important. What we're going to do is very difficult on two levels and I want you to be prepared on the both. Technically this is quite a mission impossible. Craig… update us please"

"Ok…" Webber saw him shifting his gum from left to write "I'm going to enter the room from the fire system" He stood up and approached a plan attached to the wall. "If everything goes like it has to, I'm going to come out from here" He pointed to the room's ceiling, in the mid of the room Dunn had spent his hospitalization. "We don't know anything about the actual position of the people inside. But from what Dr. Grey… the hostage who was released before… said… they should be here"

Right under the spot he had to use.

"And Dunn uses to sit here. I think it's useless I tell you that if I do wrong, he'd hear us and… well… seeing what happened last time, it's better you close your eyes"

All color drained from Hunt's face.

"What does this mean?"

Falks rolled his eyes. Craig was a technological God, he could slip a camera everywhere. But his mental attitudes were practically equal to zero, he had plenty of praises for his technical skills and a truck of admonitions for language, behavior and screwed sense of humor.

"Nothing…"

"What happened last time?"

Owen feared the answer but now he wanted to know. Falks sighed and looked down.

"The kidnapper noticed we were in the room and killed the hostages right away. And this leads to the second level, which is not less important and concerns mainly the two of you"

He approached the two doctors and looked them in the eyes.

"I know you have a relationship with your colleges, friendship and love… you care about them and I care too. This is not just a job for us… for any of us. It's just we're trained to master our emotions to give a better service. When we go in there, we don't know what we'll see. Something bad could have happened before, it could happen also in the while. If you feel you can't handle it or it's becoming too much, you need to leave the room before you compromise the action and raise risks to be discovered. Can you give me your word on it?"

Richard nodded, Owen's face was blank.

"Dr. Hunt… I gave you the permission to be here but you need to abide to my rules"

"What happens if something is going on right now?"

"I'm in contact with Trent and Brandon. They'll make a phone call, try to distract him"

"That's it?"

"For the moment it is. Only at the end of this phase we'll value other options. Can I count on you?"

"Ok…"

Falks clapped his hands once and all the officers and technics took a sit. Richard and Hunt went standing in front of the screen, tensed like a coiled spring.

"Go Craig … bring us in"

"Will do"

A little light appeared on the screen, a little spot in a sea of black. It was a strange feeling, it was like being in a tunnel and seeing the end approaching. Craig was moving the joystick carefully, the bright tip moved accordingly to his hands.

"Won't the light catch Dunn's attention?" Owen inquired, his eyes fixed on the screen.

"No. You notice the light here as everything is black. The camera isn't bright and has a gum cap to avoid noises and scraping. It's the latest result of our technology. It's in color and can detect noises in the range of three-four meters from the microphone"

"My little baby is stunning…"

"Keep your eyes there, Gill. I'm doing the advertising"

The tunnel was supposed to be shirt but it never ended. The light was crawling slowly but it never got to the exit point. Suddenly Craig breathed out and the progress stopped.

"What?"

"We're there. I reached the opening. Now I have to study it"

The perspective rolled, the camera was lightening a plastic coupling. Suddenly a hole appeared in front of their eyes and Craig giggled.

"Daddy found a way in. Shall I go?"

Falks stared to Webber and Hunt and then nodded.

Dunn's room came into focus and Owen's eyes narrowed in shock and worry.

The first image the camera tuned from upside down was a desperate Cristina crying and sobbing into Derek's arms.

Her body was shaken by whimpers and also the sounds joined the control room.

Hunt had never heard her cry.

He had never heard nobody cry like this.

He felt like he was going to break down, he couldn't do this.

It had happened, it really had happened from the way she was crumbling down and Sheperd held her.

Owen cleared his throat, he needed to leave before messing everything up.

A wave of nausea hit him and he brought a hand to his mouth.

"Excuse me…"

He took a step to the exit but a hand gripped his shoulder. He turned on his heels swallowing acids.

"What?"

"Wait… I think she's fine"

Owen looked to Falks, he had to count up to three not to punch him.

His girlfriend was melting down in tears, how could she possibly be fine?

"What?"

"Take a look"

Hunt looked to the screen again, he didn't see anything which suggested him she was fine. But then… his eyes narrowed again.

"My God…" Webber voiced what everybody was seeing.

* * *

Cristina was sobbing again.

Derek's gesture of tenderness had broken her last resistance.

He had hugged her and she had clutched to his neck.

She was giving way to everything stored in her heart: fear, worry, guilt.

It was a river and it was overflowing.

She tried to collect herself when she felt Derek's hold on her loosening.

His arm slipped down her back and his head fell forward, resting in the crock of her neck.

* * *

_Derek's arm had slipped from Cristina to the ground._

_It hadn't been a natural movement though._

_It was like it had fallen out of tiredness, exhaustion._

_And it was just the left arm, the right one was resting on the floor._

_Falks had noticed when Cristina had budged an inch. _

_Sheperd's wrist was positioned unnaturally. _

_And the way his head had fallen ahead had suggested him to call Hunt back._

_Apparently they had worried for the wrong person._

* * *

"Derek?"

Cristina recoiled sustaining Derek's head.

She pressed her palm to his neck and pushed it backward finding no resistance.

* * *

_Richard's breath hitched in his throat when he saw Yang checking Derek's pulse point._

_He looked… drained. _

"_What the hell happened to his hand?"_

_Richard couldn't stop the mental rambling, his stomach rolled, speech failed him._

"_I have no idea"_

_Even Falks' answer was dry. _

_He hadn't expected to witness any of this._

* * *

"I'm good"

"You told me that already. I thought we agreed you needed to talk to me"

"I am…"

"Not like this… You need to tell me the truth, Sheperd, please. I can help…"

She was touching everything she could and she finally reached the damaged area. Derek didn't stop her this time.

"Sheperd…"

"I felt something tearing out before"

Cristina looked to him. She needed more than this.

"Where?"

"Here…" he touched his stomach and she sighed. Right what she feared. Dunn had delivered several kicks and her main, immediate concern, had been an internal bleeding.

"Does it hurt?"

"It kind of hurts everywhere. But I'm gonna live"

Derek opened his eyes meeting Cristina's.

"I thought he would have killed you"

"He wouldn't. But there was a point I was sure I was going to die. It's gone though. And I'm good"

"You're not"

Derek sighed. This helpful Cristina was really getting on his nerves.

"Look… I got some beating. I'm not going to die. I'll ask you when I need something. Just try to relax a bit now"

"I will relax when you'll let me visit you properly. I'm the best resident, don't you remember?"

"Meredith is"

"Fine… but she's not here so you'll have to be satisfied of the second best. Lay down and let me check you"

"You won't give me rest till I won't, will you?"

"Nope. Two minutes and I'll be done"

"It's just a waste"

* * *

_Cristina recoiled slightly and Derek bent forward._

_A grimace of pain contorted his features and he was going to fall back against the wall if Cristina hadn't caught him. She hugged him tighter, rocking him._

_Falks and Hunt shared a worried look. _

_Cristina took Derek's cheeks in her hands, they couldn't get her words from the camera. They saw her placing a hand on his chest and the other behind his shoulder blades. She eased him on the floor, on his back. _

_From the new position even the last doubts got faded._

_Derek's right hand was broken._

_In all these movements he had cuddled his wrist in his lap and now it rested by his side._

_In a strong position. _

"_Maybe Yang screamed when Dunn broke it"_

_Owen nodded hearing Falks' assessment. It made sense._

_Derek had protected her and Cristina had tried to do the same._

_Only she had failed._

_All their eyes rested on her._

_The reason Sheperd was lying on the floor was unknown._

_Probably the fractured hand was giving him balance problems, he could be dizzy and giddy also due to the lack of food and water, for the wound he got on his neck. From what Owen could see it had stopped bleeding, Derek's column was blood stained though, rust painted his shirt collar._

_Despite the years of experience and work on the field, Owen couldn't understand how deep it was and he also knew that making an assumption on the blood loss was pointless. _

_The blade could have severed capillaries. Much scene, little damage._

_But there was something else which clouded his brain right now._

_Owen saw Cristina touching Derek's torso and he hid his mouth._

_He didn't like all these attentions. They weren't just about a broken hand._

_His fears became certainty when Derek covered his eyes with his healthy arm._

_Cristina was touching his stomach and abdomen and he kept flinching, the jerks were clear even from the camera._

_But it was when Cristina raised his shirt and underwear that everything got clear._

"_Dear God…"_

* * *

"Dear God…"

Cristina raised her eyes from the battered and bruised sides to look at Derek.

He was silent, keeping his feelings and senses under control.

She didn't need to run an accurate visit to know the extent of his injuries.

Red stripes marked his ribcage, it was like they wanted to indicate the exact position of the bone inside.

She rolled him on his side and the same situation was noticeable behind.

"How many?"

Derek's voice was flat, empty of interest like he was asking for the Yankee's result or anything meaningless.

But Cristina knew he already knew this. He was perfectly aware of his fractures because they were surely giving him hell.

"Three… four... and I think there are some multiple"

"A volet?"

"It could be"

* * *

_Richard kept shaking his head._

_He couldn't come into terms with this._

_They had entered this room expecting to face an horrible truth._

_They hadn't thanks God._

_But the new truth waiting for them wasn't any less painful and cruel._

_Derek's lower torso was shattered, sign of fierceness and sadistic violence._

_Dark bruises had blossomed around his ribs and Richard couldn't forget the red signs marked on his skin._

_Falks didn't know what to say. He had supposed he would apologize for raising awful and free doubts on Yang's wellbeing. But what they had seen wasn't less bad._

_Craig cleared his throat, he had stopped being an idiot sensing the gravity of the situation._

"_The camera is overheating. I'd need to take it out"_

"_Ok"_

* * *

The images stopped as soon as Falks gave the order.

For several seconds Richard couldn't take his eyes off the screen.

"Excuse me"

Owen left the room and Andrew ordered one of his man to follow him.

These doctors would need help.

The doctors inside needed help.

And he wasn't sure at this point Jermin would give his approval to do it.


	16. KNOWLEDGE IS NOTHING

Hey!

I know I had promised to be quick but my life is so messy right now.

I'm working on a tough case so... I didn't have much time to write.

I came back with a long chapter.

I hope I didn't lose many of you...

Hope to hear you soon!

* * *

If Owen had felt bad before, now he was dying inside.

He was sure he would have been relieved to know Cristina was fine, and he was.

But he didn't expect this would have been the price, he didn't expect to see that, he didn't expect a law of retaliation going on in that room.

A vice-like grip was squeezing his throat, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't speak.

And above all he didn't know if he would be able to meet Meredith Grey and talk to her till this story was over, possibly good.

After he had left the room, he had walked random down the hallway, his feet bringing him nowhere in particular. He was in a haze and when the mist dissipated, he felt the cold Seattle wind splattering his face.

Gusts of air and rain.

He was out of the hospital and, for the first time, he inhaled deeply.

Bad move.

His stomach wasn't ready to all this oxygen, it was still in knots.

The unexpected income was rejected by his organism, a spasm sucked everything out and before he could realize, he was throwing up on the pavement.

His mouth burned, acids stung his tongue and palate, his arms shook.

He didn't know if it was for the effort, if it was for exhaustion or if it was for the cold.

He was soak wet, the rain had entered his cloths, water dripped down his forehead and nose.

But he couldn't move, his brain couldn't translate ideas and orders to his muscles.

The image of Cristina and Derek together in that room was fixed in his mind and there was no space for anything else.

His mind registered some movement… a noise, a light, he really couldn't place it.

Someone talked to him but he ignored the said person, he needed to be alone.

* * *

The paramedics pushed the stretcher into the ER.

It was a rainy morning, the sounds of the storm ceased when the sliding door closed.

Callie approached the medic already dressed and prepared to take the new case.

Arizona was busy in the OR for the guy they had admitted in the early morning, Teddy had disappeared in the pit, making stitches, taking minor cases.

Something had changed in her eyes after she had taken a little pause, she had come back upset and unavailable to any kind of communication and Callie had decided to let her be.

Finally Owen was her best friend, the man she had loved… still loved… it was difficult to say. And Cristina was her resident, it was normal to be worried.

So Torres had to do the extra job, had to rule this place, answer the phone and the curios questions the interns were popping. Stupid morons… they couldn't take a central line but wanted to know stuff they were supposed to ignore, they couldn't stay in their madhouse.

She had yelled to two and now they were being good kids.

And now she had this guy to treat, he looked to have a broken leg.

She could play at home here.

"Hey" Callie stretched her gloved hand to take the chart from the paramedic "What do we have here?"

"Michael Kits… 28… fell during jogging"

"I didn't fall. I slipped. There was damn ice on the street"

"In April?"

"Have you ever jogged in the Klondike?"

"Nope… I don't jog"

"Well… they always sprinkle snow to create the atmosphere… I fell on my ass"

"And broke his fibula in the while. The fracture looks compound"

The paramedic patted the stretcher and smiled to Torres, ready to go.

"I leave you this one"

"Thank you"

"Oh… there was your college outside… It looked pretty bad"

Callie frowned, she hadn't understood who she was talking about.

"My what?"

"Your college… I guess he's the trauma guy. Looks like a pretty bad flu, he was puking in the bay"

Callie looked at her stunned and the paramedic raised her hands in defense.

"Don't give me that look… I'm not going out to help. I have stuff to do, plans for the evening. No flu here"

She left and a nurse joined Callie at the head of the gurney.

"Where do we take this?"

"Visit room 2… I'll join you there in three minutes"

The nurse pushed the guy away and Torres entered the pit, she threw a look around and spotted Teddy in a corner. She looked free, awful but free.

She closed the distance between the two of them quickly.

"Hey"

Altman sent her a look but didn't say anything, Callie rolled her eyes.

"Ok… you're still in the shut up mode"

"I'm sorry… I just want to be alone"

"Right… but Melinda… the paramedic who has just delivered me my next… eighth patient… told me that Hunt is outside throwing up"

When Owen's name came in the mix, Teddy's head snapped up, her attention immediately focused on the conversation with Callie.

"Yeah… I knew he would have gained your attention. It's better you go out and see what's going on"

Torres left and Teddy sped outside, the doors opened and the cold slapped her cheeks, almost knocking her out. Raindrops fazed her sight but she didn't stop. She had recognized Owen in the figure curled up on the bench, she sighed and joined him.

Tears were mixing with rain, she shivered and she was sure it wasn't for the cold.

* * *

Webber was measuring the conference room like a lion in a cage.

After the full immersion in the horror room, they hadn't gone upstairs.

Falks had insisted they would stop there and waited for Jermin to join them.

For privacy first of all, but also to let things melt down, settle, tune…

Only this delicacy was proving worthless as Richard couldn't stop, sit, rest… anything.

He was like a spinning top, rounding the table for the hundredth time, his eyes never leaving the floor.

"What are we doing here?"

His voice came unexpected and Falks looked at him.

Actions travelled separately though, the Chief of surgery wasn't looking at him, he was just walking, probably trying to busy his body with some action… any action.

"Waiting for Jermin. I need to update him on everything… on Wills and the new developments"

"I need to go up to Meredith"

"I wouldn't tell her anything right now"

"Excuse me?"

Falks met Webber's eyes, deep, concerned, furious eyes.

"I wouldn't tell her anything by now"

"Should I lie to her? Saying everything is good after what I saw?"

"Webber…"

"No…" Richard sat in front of Falks, their knees almost touching. "I can't do that"

The Chief of Surgery hid his face, rubbing his forehead tiredly and Falks decided to use the soft line. The man in front of him was tough and determined, but he had reached his limit after the long and stressful hours they had lived.

"Webber… listen to me. I know how you feel, I know you have good intentions. But you'd freak her out"

"She has every right to freak out… Have you seen how that animal reduced him to?"

"I did see it… and that's the reason I tell you she doesn't need to know now. What for?"

Richard looked up, he had no good answer for this question.

"You see? There's no good reason to tell her what we saw, no one. She wouldn't have any benefit, she would just be sick worried"

"You don't understand… I just can't go in there and pretend… lie"

"I didn't ask you to. We should just convince her to take a sedative and take a nap. We'll gain some time like this"

"I don't know…"

Webber rubbed his eyes again, he couldn't figure himself doing that, he hadn't that strength in his heart, that was the truth.

Meredith was her putative daughter, a woman he had known since her childhood, a person he had deceived hundreds of times.

From the choice to leave her mother and her as a consequence, turn her into a lonely and fatherless girl, and motherless too. Ellis Grey had been an amazing woman, an unrivalled professional. But as mother she had failed, she had been missing or simply blind to the requests and needs of her own daughter.

Meredith was extraordinary on many levels. She had grown up twisted and full of complex, but she had been able to turn from larva to butterfly. She had grown up winning her fears and trust issues.

And this was the place Derek had appeared in her story.

He had won all of her defenses one by one, given her love and tenderness, protection and even fun.

Derek was a smart guy, cheerful. He had that smile plastered on his face which made impossible to deny him anything. He was easy and caring, always worried to do the right thing. As he had made a lot of mistakes, he had fallen but had always found the strength to stand up again, make amend, fight and start new.

Nobody knew the secret which had changed his life, a really few people. He had never used it to have advantages, to have alibis, to find justifications. It was a rare quality as many would have. Not him.

He had this enervating habit to split the world in two: black and white, right and wrong.

Addison had cheated on him, his marriage was over. That was the reason he hadn't told Meredith about her. As, in his heart, there was nothing worth of being told. He hadn't tried to screw her around, to work both sides of the street, his mind and heart had always been crystal clear on that. Only life wasn't just this and Derek had lost focus at some point, lost Meredith and everything which was worth living for.

His decision had broken Meredith's heart, but it had also destroyed who he was, he had changed his nature, made him different until he had the courage to take a step back and admit his real feelings.

Mistake, amend, start new.

And now Webber could do a lot of things. He could stay awake for the next forty hours, he could lie to Adele and all of his staff, he could face the consequences of this drama on his career, he could accept to be bossed in his hospital by policemen, he could swallow his pride in front of journalists.

But he couldn't lie to Meredith Grey on Derek Sheperd.

Not when he was hurt and in need of medical care, not when Falks was asking him to put her to sleep while the love of her life's could be dying.

She wouldn't forgive him and he had promised Derek he would take care of her.

Only what was the main thing now?

Keeping her quiet or clean his conscience?

Falks seemed to read through his mind, he touched his forearm gently.

"Webber… I get you have a special thing to these people"

"She's like a daughter to me… I could have been her father. I had an affair with her mother and… she could be my daughter"

"I see…"

"And Derek… I know him from… fifteen years. I was at his wedding, I was his mentor, I was the one who brought him here. He doesn't deserve any of this…"

"Webber…"

"No…" He stood up, the chair scraped the floor noisily "if there's someone who doesn't deserve this, it's him. I had to go in there on his behalf, I was stupid enough to assign him this case… This was my fault"

"Ok… stop this now. I let you ramble as I get it's hard for you. I lost two men myself and I know the feeling. But I don't need a parent or a friend screwing up here. I need the Chief of Surgery, I need a man who can manage this place, who can hold his feelings, who can help me and lie for me if I need it. If you can't be that man, this is the moment you need to leave this room and walk away"

Richard breathed out, Falks had a point, he was almost ashamed.

"I'm sorry…"

"I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to go outside, talk to your people, squeeze the balls to anyone who bothers us, I need you to be the man in the storm. And when this crap is over, we'll go together to the bar down the street to cry together and mourn the ones we lost. I need your shoulder… really. As in five minutes Jermin is gonna be here and we have to discuss what to do. And you're one of the main compass needle here. He values your opinion, he values your role. And then I have to decide what to tell Wills, we have to decide if picking up the damn phone and start to call families. I have to go outside and show my face and admit what's going on here. Don't leave me alone in this. Please"

Falks stood up patting his shoulder, he heard footsteps approaching and opened the door.

The district attorney was right in front of him.

* * *

The clock on the wall was pitilessly marking minute after minute.

Slow and relentless, uncaring and unsuspecting.

Nobody dared to speak in the room.

Mark had no nails left, he had tormented and bit them to the limit, his fingers bled for the torture they had suffered.

Bailey was sitting on the couch, her hands joint in front of her face, like she was praying for a miracle to happen, for a sign to arrive, for light to take place of the dark which surrounded them all.

"I can't do this anymore"

Sloan finally stood up and opened the door before the others could realize what he wanted to do. He crossed the hallway and opened the door of the Chief's office. Nobody was in but Meredith, she was sitting at the same place they had left her, still curled in the blanket.

She raised her eyes at the sudden intrusion, wiping away some tear from her cheek.

"News?"

"No"

Through these two, little, meaningless letters, her voice sounded desperate.

"Damn it…" Mark raked a hand through his hair, he turned to face Meredith hands on his hips, shaking his head.

"What's going on?"

Meredith looked away, wiping more tears away. She opened her mouth to speak but close it to prevent from gag and sighed openly. She inhaled deeply an finally found the voice.

"Nothing… they went downstairs… they thought of sending a camera inside or… whatever"

"Why are you here then?"

"They didn't let me go… I guess I've already done too much and… this was more about Cristina I guess"

"What do you mean?"

Mark saw Meredith's face going through many stages of despair and feelings. More tears spilled out and he felt guilty. He was assaulting her with questions, he was barking at her not realizing she was living a double hell. Her boyfriend, had to be fiancé, was in that room and her best friend… She needed to be supported. Why couldn't he do that? His heart swell with shame when he realized the answer, but Meredith talked and he focused on that.

"Falks was worrying about her… They heard things and I…" she sighed stroking her eyes "Owen went with them"

She hid her face in both hands and Mark sat near her, circling her shoulders with his arm and kissing her head.

"It's going to be fine"

"Don't do this" she hissed through gritted teeth and Mark recoiled, she glanced at him coldly and he could see accusation in her emerald eyes. It was like she had perceived and read his mind, his inner uproar.

"We need to support each other, Meredith"

"No, we need to cut the crap, Mark. Do you all think I'm stupid here?"

"Nobody does think that…"

"Well… it's difficult to believe. I see how you all look at me. Just say it straight to my face"

"I don't…"

"Say it!" her voice roared in the room and Mark snapped.

He had tried to control his feelings for too long, he had tried to bury his thoughts in a corner of his soul but he couldn't keep doing it. He needed to spill the beans, talk.

He was sorry Meredith was the one there to take it all, but it was also a sign of fate.

It was her fault every of this happened, she had been the one to give solidarity to this monster, she had been the one to break rules on his behalf, she had been the one to inform him about Derek's barest secret. He felt for her… but this didn't erase any of this.

He stood up, stroking his face, measuring the room with slow and tired steps. A warning voice arrived from the doorframe.

"Sloan…" he looked up and saw Bailey, apparently their voices had caught her attention. She didn't say anything else. But she was Bailey and her voice was warm and comforting.

Shut up.

That was what she meant.

And deep down he knew she was right, she was Bailey and she was one of the finest doctors, professional he had ever met. And she happened to be right, most of the times.

It's not they were friends, their relationship was just professional and superficial even in that. They were too different. But she had never judged him, not openly at least. And even when his sins and controversial behavior had merged with full force, she had taken his part, stood by him.

He was a whore but everybody knew and didn't need to show surprise about it.

Bailey saw things, Bailey knew things and pushing Grey down the gorge wasn't the good thing to do now. He sighed and headed to the distant corner of Webber's office, taking a glass and spilling water with shaky hands.

"I'm waiting…" Meredith didn't seem to acknowledge his sensitivity

"Meredith…"

"No! I'm done doing this. You have never liked me… not from day one… you just thought I was a good piece of ass to add to your collection. So that's your chance, Mark, say everything you want to tell me right now"

Bailey looked worriedly from Meredith to Mark, he looked calm but apparently not enough to let it go. He placed the glass on a little table, impaling Adele's frame resting on it. He looked to his feet getting closer, the air could be cut and, in all the places in the world Miranda could be now, this was the last.

"Ok… you're wrong. I do like you but this isn't the moment to talk about this"

Meredith rolled her eyes, she was starting to think Sloan was rounding the topic but he talked again.

"But there's something else you're right about. I do think you screwed up in this… you really did"

"Sloan…" Miranda tried to focus him but it was lame and weak. He ignored her.

"I don't know why in hell you felt for this man… really, I don't know and I don't want to know. I guess it's something you have on your back or… anywhere else. But the moment Derek told you the truth about his father, you had to step back"

"He didn't tell me the whole story" Meredith's voice was soft now, Mark's words were shattering her aggressiveness and certainties, he was voicing her regrets making her weak in her knees.

"Why would he?"

He got closer and Meredith recoiled, the last question sounded like a slap to her face.

"I…"

"Why would he tell you the whole story? Maybe he didn't as you were too worried to be all kind and caring to Dunn… you gave him the impression you didn't mind about his pain"

"This isn't true"

"Is it?" His eyes bored into hers and Meredith shook her head.

"It was just different"

"How do you know? Do you think that someone who just slaughters women for sport can be friend to someone whose father was killed for cruelty? You don't know what the hell you're talking about, Grey. You have no idea how much you hurt him in these days" he pointed a finger to her, anger raising in his heart. His voice shook and he paced in the room before starting again. "He was scared for you, he was terrorized Dunn could use you and you just didn't see it, you were too busy in playing the Red Cross nurse to realize sometimes men are just screwed, damaged and rotten from inside out. You wanted to score a point… I don't even know what you were trying to prove but… I know it may be sound bad and insensitive from me but… I'm really mad at you right now" his voice broke, a voice in his heart told him this was enough but he couldn't stop "as I look at you… and I just can't believe how you could be so senseless. And I know you need help, I see you do and Derek…" he nearly gulped pronouncing his name "he'd want me to help you but… I don't know if I have it in me now"

He dropped on a chair, drained out and exhausted. He hid his face in big, sweaty palms. He just couldn't look at her right now, he couldn't. And it felt bad, for many reasons.

He felt hypocrite.

Who was him to judge Meredith for her actions?

Who was him to put the blame on her shoulders?

She had made a mistake but hadn't he?

A lot, many, awful. Unforgivable to most people but Derek.

They had been brothers from the tender age of five, shared schools, college, university, med school, internship, residency, the glazed world of surgery.

They had grown Gods from nothing together, two friends breaking the odds and getting to success with the same overboarding talent.

Katherine, one of their sisters, as this was Mark thought of the Sheperd family, had once sent him a magazine publishing an amazing research on the thirty top surgeons in the world. And, useless to say, Derek and Mark were both in the list, at different steps, but both in this magic ranking.

It was almost impossible, two kids of the same age and living in the same block to reach such a high, with so different attitudes and personalities.

Mark was a straw, he had put on a fake face from childhood and still wore it. He was shy, weak and in never ending search of approval and support, of compliments and praise. As a reaction, he acted in the opposite way. He tried to look self-confident, arrogant, swashbuckler. He was never alone not as he was a womanizer, but as loneliness was the only thing he was scared of, the feeling which had marked his youth. Apart from Derek, he had no one.

But this hadn't been enough not to hurt him in the worst way. As, in parallel with their professional life, they had grown old and adults together. The first crushes, the first dates, the first girlfriends. Then Derek had taken the plunge, he had known Addison and married her, his best buddy at his side to forget the rings and make embarrassing speeches at the reception. Always together, always sharing impressions till the doomed night when Mark had stabbed him in the back.

He had even attended a rehab program after that, he had paid a shrink to reassess his malfunctioning brain. Because even if he had been convinced to love Addison, which had turned out to be untrue, he had no right to treat Derek that way.

What kind of friend was he? What kind of man?

A piece of trash, a coward who hadn't been able to do anything but pull up his trousers and leave, closing a familiar door behind his back like nothing had happened. The following day, when he had knocked to the Sheperds' house, Addison had told him Derek was gone.

After 30 years of commensalism, he hadn't even been able to pick up the phone and try to apologize, send a message, an apology, anything. The punch which had welcomed him six months later in Seattle was completely deserved and even in that occasion, his mouth had stayed shut. The trip wasn't supposed to be about Derek, it was supposed to show that he hadn't made a mistake, that Addison and him could be fine. But the dream had shattered into million pieces and, once back in New York, loneliness had invaded his heart and he had decided to move to the other side of the country. Where his relationship with Derek had been reduced to multiple grunts and nods, the least to work together civilly.

But then, one day, he had magically found the courage to apologize, sort of apologize. And things had started to work like they used to, only Derek was different. He was in love with a woman who was driving him crazy, who didn't crawl and drool at his feet like back in the big Apple, who was shattering his cockiness and cheeriness. Or, simply said, Derek was different also for the wound Mark had inflicted him.

Who was him to condemn Grey about her mistake?

Who was him to moralize her?

Nobody, not the right guy.

The only difference between Meredith and himself was that her mistake had involved Dunn, a living threat to the human kind. He was sure she hadn't meant any of this, she hadn't minimized Derek's feelings, only she didn't know them.

He sighed and stretched his arm to circle her shoulders.

She flinched, surprised for the sudden contact.

"What?"

"You love him"

"Yeah…"

"I do love him too and I screwed up worse than you"

"What does this mean?"

Bailey smiled from the doorframe, Meredith's eyes were shining in hope for the first time since hours. It was like Sloan was allowing her to breathe again.

"You made a mistake and I'm mad… It's my way to work out worry… But you love Derek and you're the love of his life"

Meredith's lower lip quivered and she started to cry.

"I don't know what I will do if…"

"Shhh…. Shhhh" Sloan pulled her into his embrace, he stroked her shoulder softly trying to soothe the pain away "I'm here"

* * *

Time had stopped and everything had frozen in a never ending stall.

If Meredith could see Cristina now, she'd laugh her ass off.

As she was stroking Derek's hair for… she didn't even remember when.

She had been stroking it for minutes and, impossible to believe, she meant to go on.

As nothing seemed more natural and good by now… it felt good.

And Meredith would tease her forever.

Derek and Cristina talking, Derek and Cristina bonding, Derek and Cristina there for each other.

It was like the end of a play, the feeling you get when the curtain goes down and the big truth is revealed.

Just cut the crap, you know each other for years and finally you like each other, we all know it, you do too.

Even if you like to swear the opposite, even if you like to act as the opposite.

A quick flash crossed Yang's mind, the image of Meredith running into her living room and finding Cristina and Derek just like they were now.

His boyfriend splayed lazily on the couch, Cristina sitting in a corner, his head on her knees, her hand petting his scalp. Laughing and talking about their day in the hospital, in the OR, Yang taking fun of the boring and deadly annoying neuro stuff, Derek trying to change her mind.

She chuckled imagining this domestic scene and her hilarity caught Derek's attention.

"What?"

His voice sounded a bit asleep, Cristina had to blink several times to realize they weren't in Meredith's house, but the good feeling creeping in her veins didn't go away.

"Do you think Meredith would be jealous?"

Derek's irises opened and their eyes locked. He looked confused by the topic.

"Of what?"

"Of this…" Her hand stopped in his hair and then she stimulated his scalp "the cuddling…"

"I guess she'd think you have gone crazy"

"As I cuddle you or as I think she could be jealous?"

"The both I guess… but I think she'd never let you forget the first"

"Me too…" she sighed looking up, her fingers starting to play again in Derek's locks "I have never tested Mer on this…"

"What?"

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Seriously? How did you get to be a neuro God? You don't happen to remember four words in a row"

"It's just as you're talking nonsense…"

Cristina snorted seeing a little smile stretching Derek's lips.

"Right… I'm talking about Meredith and jealousy… you know the stuff when you don't want other people to approach your one… that's what I meant"

"Thank you for the explanation… now I got it"

"I hope you have… It's just that… I was wondering… we have never showed to like each other or to get along… Do you think she would be bothered?"

"Why would she? She has nothing to be worried about"

"That's cliché. You have nothing to worry about till it's too late to be worried"

"I kind of learnt that actually…"

"Do you think she would be jealous seeing us like this?"

Silence fell in the room and Derek thought of the question seriously. He was captured by this topic, he felt Cristina had opened up to him, was doing it. And he really stopped to consider the situation. Meredith was an ill-tempered woman, she was determined but not possessive. She knew that their professions put them in constant contact with people, women and men. And she also knew that the labcoat acted like a magnet, she had come to terms with patients and nurses and residents flirting with Derek. He was a handsome man and he was successful.

But this was a fact, having her best friend involved in very friendly activities with her boyfriend was another.

"Yeah… I think she would"

"That's what I think too. She would turn into a green monster"

"She is obsessed by my hair… and you chose something meaningful to piss her off"

Cristina giggled, she knew Derek had a very high consideration of himself and she knew that others had helped him in that too. Mc Dreamy was probably the most popular doctor in the hospital, he had a very special and particular charme, a kind which hardly let someone insensitive. It was not properly her type, definitely not, to be true, but this didn't mean he was unattractive.

And more than this, Cristina remembered vividly the months Meredith was obliged to see Derek with someone else, with Addison. She had never said it openly, but it didn't take a genius to get it had to be unbearable, see him kissing another woman, holding another woman's hand, doing all the things Meredith wanted to do with him herself. It wasn't properly jealousy as you can't be jealous of someone who doesn't belong to you. But to Meredith it felt like Derek and her belonged together.

"So it's better you don't tell her this…"

"I promise… And I can still hold it against you if I need it"

"Hum…" Cristina chuckled "do you really think Meredith would believe you over me?"

_Just tell Meredith: she goes or I go._

_I don't know if I would win that one_

"It hurts to admit it but… I guess you're right"

Cristina looked down to him, she had been jokey but apparently Derek had taken it seriously. More than that, she realized he truly believed this fact.

"What are you… serious?"

"About what?"

She stared down to him trying to perceive a sign of joke, but she found any.

"About the fact that Meredith Grey trusts me more than she does with you"

Derek sighed and looked away, his whole body ached but his heart was heavy too right now.

"We perfectly know she does… it's not big deal Cristina… I think I gave her good reasons to doubt me and you've never given her any on the contrary. I'm happy she has a friend like you"

"Well… that's not what we're discussing here. I know I'm a great friend… wise and almost perfect"

"And humble… that's what I love about you"

"But" Cristina raised her voice to overcome Derek's irony "I'm just her friend, you're the man she loves"

"You're her person"

"We are her persons, Sheperd. How can you not get it?"

"I do get it but… she did it today again, Cristina"

"Did what?"

"Assume I would leave her" Cristina swallowed reading a sea of sadness in Derek's eyes.

"She was scared"

"I know"

"And she felt guilty"

"That doesn't mean anything"

"It does. Meredith is a great woman but we don't need to beat around the bush. She messed up here. She gave that… " she searched a word which didn't sound too vulgar "asshole a reason to manipulate you, to drag you here. How do you think she feels about that?"

"Probably bad. But this doesn't mean I would punish her for this turning my back to her"

"But this is because you really love her and you're the person you are, Sheperd. I'm not ashamed to tell only a saint wouldn't have doubts on that"

She saw Derek swallowing, his Adam apple rolled down his throat with difficulty. He didn't say anything but she saw wild emotions crossing his face. He wanted to drink her words, but he didn't believe them. Deep in his heart, Derek was delusional and he voiced it.

"I failed her too many times"

"Ok, that's enough. Stop that self-deprecating crap. Now I tell you how these things go. You made mistakes and she did too. Now you're together and you want to get married. She wants that too. Pull past behind your back and stop crying on me"

"I'm not crying on you"

"You are. And I would find it funny usually, but not today"

"You don't need to change your mind about me for what's going on today"

"I won't, actually"

Someone cleared his throat in the room and the conversation was interrupted. Cristina looked up and her eyes met Dunn's. She wondered how much of their conversation he had been able to catch.

"What are you whispering about for so long?"

Apparently not that much and she felt relieved. He would penetrate Derek's fears and doubts like a screw.

"Nothing…"

"Nothing you want to share with me at least… Too bad"

He stood up stretching his knees and back.

"How can you stay like that? I'd die to make ten steps in a row"

"Just open the door and go out. You can have all the steps you want"

"You're funny, dr. Yang. Very funny. I'll do it, don't worry. But I want to enjoy your company a little bit longer"

He gave his back to them and Cristina was distracted by Derek trying to straighten up.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to use the bathroom"

She noticed the pace of his breathing speeding up, his eyes closed, his movements ceased when he was barely sitting. She stroked his shoulder trying to relax him.

"You should lie down"

"I'm fine"

He was probably trying to convince himself as he didn't look fine at all. But Cristina knew Derek well enough to know that, if he had decided to stand up and go to the bathroom, there was nothing she could do to make him change his mind. But she wasn't really worried about that now, she was more worried about the messages his body could send him in unpleasant ways. His situation was far from being diagnosed, she couldn't without proper and suitable equipment.

They were in the pumping heart of their hospital and she had no means to diagnose a friend. Every time she thought of this, her pressure raised dangerously. She decided to swallow her rage and stood herself, following Derek in the same movements. She was sore too, but her movements were thousand times more fluid and painless. She tried to steady Derek gripping his arm and kept him upright while he breathed deeply in and out, his lips parted. She had to bite her tongue not to repeat her invitation to sit down, she decided to shut up and be ready if he needed help.

He took a little step, titanic from the effort it cost him and stilled again. There weren't more than ten passes to reach the bathroom but Cristina wasn't so sure he could do it alone. Sheperd looked at her and read through her face and actions.

"I'm not gonna let you come in there with me"

"Derek…"

"Let me…" he pushed her away and took another step, Cristina crossed her arms in front of her chest and decided to give him space. But apparently this little argument had caught William's attention. He stood up seeing Sheperd walking in the middle of the room and stood in his path.

"What are you doing, doc?"

Derek looked up, it was the first time they talked after what had happened. The tension was still palpable and for the first time he felt difficult to lock eyes with Dunn.

It was not for the violence, it was for the way he had done it.

He had hitched him to the floor and treated him like a dog to kick, to punish, a wallpaper of abuse and omnipotence. He had humiliated him, deeply. And it was a wound which still bled, a mark impossible to ignore. And Derek was sure William was aware of that and that was the reason he was gloating for. But if he thought to have knocked his resistance down, he was fooling himself.

"I need to use the toilet"

"Uhm uhm… If I remember properly, I had told Yang to help you in that"

Derek pondered quickly his options.

"I can do it by myself. So… can I use the bathroom or do you want to breathe my urine for the next hours?"

"I really don't know… A part of me would really like to see you with your pants down here. But you're right. We're going to stay here again… eat here… drink here. I don't want to throw up. As I have smelled urine before, you know? Maybe I've already told you about the cell I've spent my last years. Did I tell you?"

"No"

But Derek had assumed when William had asked him if he had never visited a death row area. He hadn't but it had to be hell. And Dunn was really adamant to tell apparently.

"Well, it's not something I share usually. I'm very jealous of my so called home. As I had to fight for it, teach those little animals good manners. They peed against the walls, in a corner, just like dogs. They were so gross and rough they didn't even bother. But I did. That's why I will be merciful and let you go"

He budged leaving Derek room to pass. Sheperd lingered for a moment, he suspected Dunn was just fooling him, that he would attack him behind his back, but there was no way to know it. But moving on and see. He took a cautious step and nothing happened, a second one. Nothing. He reached the door and looked back, William wasn't looking at him and everything looked fine and normal. He disappeared behind the door breathing out in relief, his back resting against the wood, his eyes closing enjoying for the first time in hours silence and peace. It was in this moment that tiredness and soreness invested him with the strength of a typhoon. In the closeness of this small, private space he could drop the mask and not worry about showing his fears and real emotions. Derek stroke his eyes, on top of everything he felt a migraine start to work up its brain and meninx. He needed to freshen up a bit, to splash cold water on his face. He approached the sink and his eyes took a glance of his appearance reflected in the mirror. No wonder Cristina was so attentive and worried. He looked like crap. His face was pale and tensed and the blood clotted on his neck just made the picture even more spectral. He set his fingers under the faucet and wet his cheeks, it felt vitalizing and regenerating. He had almost forgotten why he had entered the toilet but his body called him back. He hadn't used the toilet since Richard had paged him in his office, almost 20 hours. He was used to shut down his organism and its needs, he was a surgeon and he could stand for a whole day without eating and using the bathroom. But now it was time. Three steps were enough to reach the wc and lift the seat, he started to unbutton his jeans but it resulted to be a difficult operation with only a functional hand.

He breathed out remembering the psychological training he had received in med school.

"_Just close your eyes. How your life would be if you were blind? Just shut your ears. How your life would be if you couldn't hear? Just sit on a chair for more than three hours. How your life would be if you couldn't walk and move when you want? Just tie your hand behind your back. How your life would be if you couldn't handle an object or get dressed on your own?"_

It felt frustrating. And painful. And now he was stuck in that little space trying to drop his pants without hurting himself and his battered hand. He gave up and decided to minimize movements and efforts. Emptying himself was a relief and a torture at the same time.

Dunn had left signs everywhere and even if now he was standing and alone, he couldn't brace himself to raise his shirt and take a look to his ribcage.

He knew it was bad even before Cristina had said it.

He had felt it was bad.

He had felt his bones breaking under William's kicks.

He had felt a rain of little stabs piercing his sides, thuds against his body.

The man was a master of knife art, but body assault apparently had met his liking too.

He had hit all the right places, calmly, nonchalantly.

Like a pleasure to take slowly to extend it.

And Derek was sure William had really enjoyed to brutalize him like that.

But at some point, the thought to hold on not to give him satisfaction had disappeared.

Probably among the pain and the desperate need of air.

The human body was a marvel of engineering.

From a bunch of cell, there was a development of a perfect machine.

Everything had a place, everything had its place.

Organs, muscles, bones, cartilage, tissues, skin, nails, hairs, hair, eyes.

A multitude of material, a genetic code complex but simple at the same time.

But like every machine, it had its weak spots and Dunn had made of this knowledge a personal achievement.

Derek's body had betrayed him at a certain point, his brain too.

The attempt to protect his abused stomach had given Dunn the confirm he was worn out and the certainty that Derek, despite his pride and force of will, was breakable.

It was just a matter of time, it was just a matter of when.

This awareness crushed him like a steamroller. He adjusted his pants with minimal gestures and sat on the toilet, his head resting on his palms.

His head was full of bad thoughts and ghosts.

A ray of light broke darkness.

Meredith was alive and safe.

Meredith was going to live.

It was enough to keep him upright.

At least till he won't crumble down not to stand anymore.

* * *

Teddy was trying to remember her psych training.

It had been years after med school and years after the sorting in Iraq.

Her brain was blank.

This wasn't a patient, this wasn't a case.

It was her life, Owen's, Cristina's, everyone's…

And she had the feeling it had changed relentlessly.

When she had left Owen an hour before, they were suspended on a precipice, on the border between ignorance and resignation. Seeing Owen's behavior, the way he was staring silently in front of him, she feared they were free falling.

Only she didn't dare to pop the question, she didn't dare to break the bubble. It was too painful to do it, too painful to know, too extreme to accept.

This was what truth made to people: it made them cowards, it made them little, it made them weak. You can spend your life pretending… believing you're a super hero, but reality can snatch your life and certainties away when you never expect it.

Teddy took Owen's hand in hers, it was cold, freezing. She tried to restore the circulation in his fingers clutching his palm, stroking it. The gesture seemed to awaken him from his slumber, he stroke his mouth and his eyes met Teddy's. She smiled softly to him, trying to soothe the incredulity away. Whatever had happened in there, Cristina needed him inside, ready to welcome her, ready to support her.

"I guess you need to go back, Owen"

"Not yet… I just…" he shook his head, a chill crossed his body from skin to marrow and he shivered.

"You need to go inside and get changed. You're soak"

Teddy stood up pulling his hand and trying to move him. His weight acted as a unsurmountable obstacle to inertia. But Altman didn't insist. Owen was looking at her and his blue eyes were expressing her something different from the emptiness they had mirrored in the last minutes. He looked relieved, ready to communicate, ready to open up. And she was ready as well to take the confidences he was going to give her, no matter how she feared to listen to his words.

"She's fine"

Teddy had waited for everything, but not this. She had expected the worse, the worst worse. Now Owen was saying her Cristina was fine. Which was great and enthusiastic and wonderful. But it didn't explain why he had been sitting on a bench from ten minutes in a complete state of trance and apathy, it didn't explain why he looked so hollow and drained. It didn't explain why he wasn't cheerful and relieved. She sat back near him, her eyes boring into his.

"Nothing happened to her?"

"No"

"Thank God…" Teddy hadn't realized how worried she was till she felt a tear running down her face. Just screw Webber's wish to manage the department in this condition, she had been touchy and distracted all morning long. Anxiety had been too cruel, too strong, too overwhelming to do anything more than stitching up and treating flues. Owen had relieved a stone from her stomach.

Why weren't they happy then?

"I went in there sure to witness something horrible, Teddy. I was sure I was going to see… Cristina hurt or weak or dead. When I found out she was fine, I lost it"

"It's normal, Owen. You burn your mental energies and resources assuming the worse. It's fine needing tem minutes to pull it together. Now you know she's fine… she will be fine. You can face the next steps differently"

"I'm not sure I can"

"You do. I know you feel drained. I know you're tired. I know this thing they let you think was enough to knock out a bear. But you made it, Owen. And Cristina is fine. Don't bend under a weight which is gone"

"It's not… I'm not…"

He stood, pacing on the sidewalk, not caring of the rain splattering on his scalp.

"What do they plan to do?"

Teddy's question, so simple and easy, reminded Owen of the real situation he had left.

"I don't know for sure… but I guess they'll do something. They have to do something"

"What do you mean? I thought they were trying to convince him to give up"

"They are, but there's not so much time left"

"Why do you say so?"

Before Owen could have the time to answer, a man approached them.

"Excuse me, sir. Do you work here?"

"I'm not on call. You can find my colleges inside"

"Are you a doctor?"

"I am, but I'm not working. Please, go inside. You'll find everything you need"

"I'm looking for doctor Webber"

Owen was about to speak, stressed and overwhelmed by the man's insistence. But Teddy saw beyond the appearance. She stood approaching the man, a kind smile on her face.

"Dr. Webber left two hours ago"

"I was told I could find him here"

"You can, usually. But we had an emergency surgery all night long and he went home to rest. He's gonna be back in the evening but there's his deputy if you need help"

"No… it was a personal thing… I think I'm gonna wait for him"

"As you prefer. But you can leave a message if you want to make up an appointment. You can find her secretary on the second floor"

"Thank you, madam. You have been really helpful"

"It was a pleasure"

The man walked away and Owen frowned.

"What are you… the information desk?"

"He was a journalist"

"What?"

Owen turned around, the rain and the darkness prevented him to see the man anymore.

"Who would look for the Chief of surgery in the parking lot? I think it's better you go back and inform them"

Teddy turned on her heels and headed to the sliding doors of the ER. She stopped when she realized Owen wasn't following her. Her brows arched quizzically and she walked back.

"Owen…"

"I can't go back in there"

"Of course you can"

She took his hand and pulled but Hunt got free of her grip.

"Owen…"

"I can't be with Meredith… I can't… lie to her"

"Why would you lie?"

Owen shook his head. Relief was gone. Teddy saw the same ghosts she had exorcising in the service room. She took Owen's face in her palms and guided his face up, his eyes met hers and she repeated the question.

"Why would you need to lie to her?"

"Derek isn't fine"

* * *

"Are you sure about that?"

Jermin was reading quickly the report Falks had arranged him.

"Yes"

He slammed the papers closed, stroking his face tiredly.

"How the hell could you let this happen?"

His eyes locked with Falks' and they were shining with anger.

The news the press was breathing on their neck wasn't pleasant, not at all.

Since he had received the disgraced phone call, Jermin had promised himself Dunn wouldn't become a hero, a leading actor, the director of this horror movie. But now it was happening, again.

The participation of networks and newspapers in this story was potentially devastating.

If Dunn had smelled scent of glory and attention, it would become almost impossible to convince him to get out.

The situation had spinned out of control so quickly that it was difficult to decide what to do now.

First of all they had acquired the knowledge that Dunn wasn't just entertaining his guests with good speeches and chatty conversations. The relationship between him and his hostages had evolved and not in a good way.

Jermin sighed remembering Brandon and all his good theories about isolation, the newfound need to communicate and interact with people. Dunn wasn't looking for any of this. The problem that anybody knew what he was looking for and he had two minds about it too. From one hand he was sure that, if he wanted to kill, they'd have two more corpses on the floor already. Dunn wasn't the kind of man who beat around the bush, he used to take what he wanted.

He wanted to kill those surgeons, he would have done it already.

For some reason he was procrastinating, he was trying to dominate them and lashed out when it didn't happen. What was next?

They were in a dead lock.

He had the responsibility to decide what to do, he had to pick the chance and decide if put words into action.

Jermin stood and took his papers.

"Let's go back to your office"

He opened the door and left, leaving Webber and Falks dumbfound behind him. The officer followed him with quick steps after the first confusion.

"What are you going to do?"

"We need to make sure he's cut out"

"What do you mean?"

"I need to switch Grey's phone off"

Richard shared a worried and puzzled look with Falks. He didn't like the idea to interrupt the communications, even if this meant to shut tv off for Dunn.

"How will we talk to him if you do?"

"It's what I want to discover"

He turned around and stopped right out of Webber's office, sighing.

"Look… I know what you think, and I do too. But now the last thing we need is Dunn to know about the interest this stuff is meeting. I want to isolate him"

"Right…." Richard trailed off, panic spreading in his gut. He really couldn't stomach the idea to lose any chance to talk to Cristina and Derek "But how can you do it without losing touch?"

"I just hope Grey is a tech supporter"

Jermin didn't wait for any answer or question. He pushed the door open and Meredith jumped on her feet. It had been so long after they left and she was sickly worried.

"How are they?"

The three men shared a quick look, they had discussed about this downstairs and even Webber had agreed to shut up. Richard swallowed. It was up to him to inform her, pretend to inform… lie to her. He had sworn to himself he could do it. After all he had had an affaire for years, he had lied to his wife hundreds of times. He could lie once more… Or not? Why was it so difficult?

"They're fine, Meredith"

He saw Meredith's lips quiver, she shivered and silent, happy tears fell down her face. She had expected the worse. They had promised her the worse. They were fooling her. And she would never forgive him.

She sensed Richard's discomfort.

"He didn't hurt her?"

"No, Cristina's fine"

This wasn't a lie. But he was supposed to go ahead.

_Derek isn't though. _

Meredith's and Webber's eyes locked for a moment and Jermin saw weakness in the man's eyes. He was going to tell the truth. It was the moment to step up and take the lead of the conversation.

"We have a problem though"

"Which problem?"

Dr. Sloan had been silent till then, but problems and matters had the power to wake everyone up.

"The press knows something is going on. They're everywhere, they're gonna air from the parking lot"

"Stop them"

"We can't. We made a deal"

"Which deal?"

"Falks will give them an interview, agreed questions, no surprises. But we need to make sure Dunn doesn't know about it"

"He's got her phone… He just needs to press a button to know everything"

"That's why we need to shut it down"

"What?"

Meredith looked confused, she was sharing the others' doubts. How could they keep contact if her phone was gone?

"Your phone can be shut down remotely, my techniques checked it. At that point Dunn would have Yang's cell."

"Cristina has my same model… " Meredith whispered.

"Damn it" Falks raked a hand in his hair in frustration. It was the first time since the operation had started that he revealed a kind of anxiety and disappointment. He turned on his heels and addressed Jermin. "We need to do differently"

"Does doctor Sheperd has a cell with him?"

"I don't know for sure… he should have but… I don't know"

"He could have left it downstairs before…"

Falks picked up his phone and dialed a number, Jermin looked at him quizzically.

"Brig… it's me. Did doctor Sheperd leave anything in the locker room? Are you sure? No, that's quite important. I need you to be a hundred per cent sure about it. Ok… ok, thank you" He hung off and everyone was pending from him "Brig told me he didn't leave anything…. No personal belongings. At this point we must assume he brought it inside"

Richard snorted and protested.

"With all due respect, assuming is not enough. You can't cut all the cells hoping Derek has another"

"We have no choice… better… we have one and only" Falks said thoughtfully. "We'll cut Yang's phone. Then we'll call Dunn and tell him Grey's is going to be out of charge soon. At this point we'll know if Sheperd has one or, eventually, we'll offer him another. This way we could also arrange to meet one of the hostages"

Richard breathed out in relief. The perspective to have a close contact with one of his surgeons was a nostrum, they could check the situation more closely, they could know what was going on, they could know Derek's real conditions. He noticed that Jermin too looked happy about that.

"It sounds like a good plan"

"But we should inform also Trent about everything" Falks didn't look so hell bent about this one.

"Don't you trust him?"

"I don't know. He did good before but… I don't know"

"At this point, Falks, we can't do anything but trusting him. Call him here, I'll tell the specialist to take care of dr. Yang's mobile. Then we'll proceed to establish a contact with Dunn"

* * *

It had cost him a lot, but finally Derek had left the bathroom and come back to the others.

He didn't know how much time he had spent locked in the small space, he had to be some though. Cristina had asked him if he was fine and Derek had understood she was worried for the amount of time had had spent alone.

But he hadn't felt bad, he had just enjoyed the silence, the piece, loneliness.

Dunn from his side hadn't commented his trip to the toilet, neither its length. He was ignoring everyone and Derek felt grateful for it.

A jingle filled the room and William switched his eyes to Cristina's cell, abandoned on the tray. The display had lit up and then got dark, dead, black. He took it and snorted in discomfort.

"Your telephone is dead, dr. Yang. You didn't charge it last night"

Meredith's portable started to vibrate in his lap and he took it.

"This guy is stalking me…" he commented picking up the receiver and answering. "Hey Trent, what can I do for you?"

"I called to do something for you, William"

"I doubt it but… shoot it"

"Dr. Grey's phone is going to switch off in minutes… less than an hour I guess"

William distanced the cell from his ear and looked at it. The battery level looked enough.

"I think with all things which happened she messed up her memories. The battery is more than half"

"If you say so I'm calmer, William. I just don't want to lose touch with you"

"You won't, don't worry"

"Do you have another cell with you?"

"What kind of question is this? Caldwell didn't give me a cell as endowment. I will suggest it to the internal prisoners committee though"

"Good idea, William. But I didn't mean that. Does dr. Sheperd has a cell with him?"

"Why would I care?"

The attorney shook his head, Dunn wasn't buying it. Then a beep arrived from the other side of the line and Trent caught the chance to prod him.

"William?"

Dunn had just looked to the cell screen, a red sign was indicating that the battery level was under 10%.

"How is it that this stuff was full functioning three minutes ago and is now dying?"

"I told you, Dunn. Dr. Grey was on call for 36 hours straight. She has never charged the phone and it's in there for almost 24 more. That's what I meant when I said we had reasons to assume we could break contact soon"

"Uhm uhm…"

"Does Dr. Sheperd has his phone?"

"I didn't find anything when I searched him"

"Could you please ask?"

"Sure, sir. Just hold on" Dunn used a mockery tone and put a palm on the microphone. "Do you have your mobile?"

"No"

"They said you were supposed to"

"I left it in my locker before coming"

"You're quite useless, you know?" he put the cell to his ear again. "He left it somewhere"

"I guess you would need another one if that one is going to switch off"

"No, you would need another one if this one switched off"

"William, I guess it's not the time to discuss about this. I just wanted to warn you, I think the interest is mutual"

"So what would you do about this?"

"We will provide you another one"

"How?"

"Like you want… But I guess it would be nicer if you sent one of them out to take it"

Dunn chuckled in the phone.

"Nice try, Trent"

Falks nodded to the guy to give him support, he was doing good but they were at a turning point. It was the moment to show Dunn he wasn't in complete hold of the situation, that he needed to find a compromise. Being weak now would give him an advantage difficult to compensate.

"It was not a try, William. If you want something, you need to give them something in change"

"Them?"

"You know what I mean… the cops"

"And why do you say them and not us? Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

The young man's knuckles went white for the force he was gripping the phone with.

"You're not stupid… not at all. But I'm here with you… for you. Don't you get it?"

"No… no… to tell the truth I don't. Explain me… how would you be here for me?"

"I'm just trying to help"

"How?"

"Giving you what you want …"

"Oh really? And what is it that I want? Do you think you know that? Do you think you'd want to have anything to do with it?" he chuckled into the phone "believe me… men like you just stay out of this crap. You handle books, you play with laws. What I do has nothing to do with that"

"What do you mean?"

"Drop it, I don't want a psych session right now. Let's go back to what I should give them… you… whatever helps you sleep at night"

"We have given you time, we have given you space, Dunn. Now we need something tangible, something which will help us give you more of any of this. We want to talk to Yang or Sheperd for some minute"

"What for?"

"To be sure they're fine"

"They are"

Falks locked eyes with Webber and Trent. Dunn was buying time as a meeting would reveal his bluff. It was the moment to push, but he needed to do in the right way. He couldn't tell him he knew he was lying, he couldn't admit they had already taken a look inside. He had to pretend to be in the blue.

"No matter to let one of them out then"

Trent heard William breathing in the phone, he was probably considering the possibility.

Dunn's eyes scanned the room and settled on the two doctors. They were unaware of the content of the conversation and they were visibly on tenterhooks. Yang had already had her minute of free walking outside. It was up to Sheperd now. Letting him go would reveal his vexation but he was not so worried about that. He wasn't even sure Sheperd would cry on his wounds, he would keep balance and try not to talk about it. For his misfortune, his posture was enough to reveal he wasn't on the top of his game. The request didn't look unreasonable though.

"Ok… I'll let you meet Sheperd"

Cristina's jaw fell open, Derek was unreadable. There was a lot of stuff going on in his brain right now, but one roared like a thunder and a syllable rolled out of his tongue.

"No"

"Excuse me?" Dunn hissed.

From the other side of the line Trent was taken aback.

"I didn't say anything"

"Not you, Trent. Dr. Sheperd here says he doesn't want to go out. He may have feelings for me after all"

The lawyer wasn't the only one to be surprised. Cristina was looking to Derek in shock. She gripped his arm.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm not leaving you here alone with him"

The pieces of the puzzle settled all in one. Now that Derek voiced his fear, Cristina found herself feeling the same. She wouldn't feel safe to stay in there by her own with that monster. She felt ashamed, but she hadn't the nerve to insist with him to accept the proposal.

"So Trent… I would be available to this kind of deal… but Sheperd doesn't want to come out"

"Let me talk to him"

"Then what? Having a party together?"

"Don't be stupid, William. You need this as much as we do. Let me talk to him"

"Fine" Dunn stood and reached up for Derek, handling him the phone. Sheperd took it and cleared his throat.

"Yeah?"

"Dr. Sheperd… that's Trent. I need you to come out of there for some minute"

"There's no way I'm gonna leave Cristina in here alone with him"

Meredith started to cry hearing Derek's voice. It wasn't just out of relief, she was also moved by his words.

"It's going to be only for a few minutes"

"I don't trust him"

Derek's eyes locked with William's, they shared an intense look and Sheperd handled him the receiver. The conversation was over for him.

"You see? He's stubborn as a mule. Let's just behave like I did it, ok?"

Falks shook his head from the other side of the line, their plan was crumbling down, they had considered everything but the hostages. He would have signed both Yang and Sheperd would want to have a break, apparently they had underestimated the impact of their relationship, the balance they had finally and eventually achieved in that room. Falks needed to have this meeting, he needed information and he needed to give information.

He wrote a suggestion on the board and Trent nodded.

"I'm afraid we can't just do that, William. But maybe I have an idea"

"I'm all ears"

"While dr. Sheperd comes out of there, I'll keep dr. Yang on the phone. This way we'll be sure she's fine"

Dunn chuckled from the other side of the line, he was pacing in the room nervously.

"I have to admit you're full of interesting proposals. But I'm not that sure it would be enough for our doctor here. You know, he has that annoying quality to play the awkward customer, to say red when everything is black, he says live when you're gonna die. It just pisses me off"

Trent got William was waiting for him to say he agreed, he understood. He was walking on a thin line… thin ice. He needed to weight his words carefully.

"I don't know him, but if he was worried about Yang and you really want to do this, I guess it could be the right way"

Trent heard him breathing in the phone some time, silence was indecision, indecision was doubt, doubt meant they could have chances.

"I'll call you back"

The line fell and Trent shut the telephone down. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, Falks was nodding to him.

"So… Trent proposed you could go out and she could be on the phone the whole time"

"Why are you so willing to send me out?"

"Don't fly too high, doc" Dunn shook Meredith's phone between his fingers "this magic box is going to be useless within minutes. Apparently you kept your girlfriend too busy and she forgot to put the damn phone on charge. We're going to be isolated, unless you grace us and drag your ass out of here to take another cell"

"Why me?"

"As you may have noticed, I don't have plenty of people here. She had already had her freedom journey. I'm democratic and don't hold preferences between men and women so… it's up to you now"

Derek felt a hand on his forearm and looked to Cristina.

"It's fine, Derek"

He swallowed, the plan looked safe but he couldn't bring himself to feel comfortable with it.

"I'll be on the phone the whole time, I'll be fine"

"You see? You're the only one to play ugly things in your brain. We'll be good without you for some minute. And, since you go out and you're more muscular than her, you could also bring those two out"

Dunn moved his fingers quickly but Derek got he was talking about the two dead cops, still lying under the bed. A shiver ran down his spine thinking of them, their lives, their families. He had been so taken by their situation and the pressure and everything that he had almost forgotten he had two corpses in the same room. He could sense it now, the smell of death. Blood had pooled on their clothes and on the floor, it was starting to become unbearable. He couldn't do anything for them now, he hadn't had the chance to do anything before. They had been dead from hours when he arrived. Maybe the last and only thing he could do was giving them peace and the pity of a real burial.

"It's not safe you make efforts…"

Cristina's voice came into the conversation again. Derek looked to her and then diverted her eyes. Technically she was right. They were two brawny and surely heavy men. But he couldn't let those fears overcome what was right to do. Their families were probably already mourning them, the least he could do was trying to give them a body to cry on.

"I can do that…"

"Derek…"

"I will do that" his voice sounded confident and vibrant at the same time. Cristina got there was something more than imprudence and stubbornness. She didn't like the idea, but finally there was one thing he knew about Derek Sheperd: he didn't let things go. If he had decided to take those men outside, there could be anything she could do to change his mind.

She sighed and relaxed against the wall, trying to prepare for the next phone call.

She had to keep it together, she had to sound strong and balanced otherwise she would panic Owen.

Owen… it was the second time she thought about him in the last hour.

There was nothing she wouldn't give right now for him being the person in charge to keep her company while Derek was out.

* * *

Webber had been listening to the upcoming plans with growing worry.

They were going to face a rollercoaster.

In a few minutes he would go downstairs with Falks to meet Derek. The officer had refused in the first place, but Richard had stamped his feet and Caldwell's boss had lowered his head.

"_Can I have a minute, Falks?"_

_They were in the middle of the operation but Webber looked concerned. Andrew nodded and led him outside, luckily there was nobody in the hallway._

"_Yes, Webber?"_

"_Who's going downstairs?"_

"_Me, of course"_

"_I want to be there too"_

"_That's pretty out of discussion"_

"_I want to be there"_

"_And I say no"_

"_You're not in the position to tell me no on this. What are you going to tell him?"_

"_I guess you don't want to hear what I'm gonna tell him"_

"_Don't play the officer to me, Falks. Derek needs support and help. If you're going down to bark orders to him and try to have information he won't tell you anything"_

"_This is not a date, Richard. I need to have information to know what kind of space is left in there. Don't you forget I'm gonna meet the press too in half an hour. I need to know everything I can"_

"_And I get that. But that guy has been under constant pressure since this happened. He has been hardly maltreated and I don't think your asepticism is what he needs. He will close up"_

"_So what do you suggest?"_

"_Let me come with you. I know him for… ages. He won't close me out"_

"_Do you want me to be absolutely true to you, Webber?"_

_Richard sighed, he was sure he wouldn't like what was coming next._

"_The reason I don't what people involved down there… you or Hunt or anyone else… is simple… Dr. Sheperd wouldn't tell me anything. Do you think he'll tell you Dunn beat him? No… he won't. For the same reason he won't tell you what happened between Dunn and Yang. He would try to keep everything inside those walls, protect you to protect dr. Grey and dr. Sloan and all the friends worried for him. You wouldn't be lucid and you wouldn't help"_

"_But I know what happened. I don't need him to tell me. Besides… Derek is pretty easy to read for me"_

_Falks' cell rang, he quickly excused himself and read the caller ID, he sighed reading Will's name on it. He refused the call. _

"_Another thing…"_

"_We're not even done on the first"_

"_We are. I've been lying to my stuff and those people's family for too long… you owe me this one"_

"_Webber…"_

"_You have no idea what will happen in here as soon as the news goes public. I'll be stalked by doctors and the board and the families. My wife at this very moment is probably getting a divorce as I forgot a very important dinner. Dr. Sloan was right… I did very few to stop Derek. The least I can do is be there for me if he needs it. You won't stop me, Falks"_

"_Right… so what would be the second thing?"_

"_Do you think it's possible dr. Hunt can talk to Yang?"_

"_I don't know… it could be if she won't be on the viva voice"_

_Richard looked surprised by his answer._

"_I know you think I'm heartless and detached, but it's not true. That's my job and I try to do it in the best way. Giving way to emotions is not always the good option. I've already thought about that. Trent will lead the conversation to get a pulse. If the conversation is really private, Hunt can step in. If he shows up…"_

"_You won't have to wait for that"_

_Richard gestured to something in front of him. Falks turned around and saw Hunt approaching. He looked awful to say it gently. Webber touched his arm and the officer focused back on him._

"_Let me explain him the situation and what happened after he left"_

"_Ok… I go in to point out the last things with Trent. I'll see you in five minutes"_

"_Ok"_

One heat was down and another one was marching with quick steps towards him.

Owen had disappeared just after their raid was over.

He had been upset, he still was.

Richard knew it wasn't just because of Cristina.

Of course he had lived dreadful moments when Falks had dropped the bomb about their doubts.

His world had crumbled down and it was something Richard would never forget.

You never forget the moment your life ends, you never forget the moment you realize people are not invincible.

Webber had this idea of Hunt… he didn't know why. Maybe because he had survived Iraq and everything which came with it, maybe it was because he looked miles away, he looked like nothing could get to him. But somehow, Cristina Yang out of all women had got to him.

They were dating or already together, it didn't matter now.

What mattered now was that she was in danger with the other person Owen had built bounds with, Derek.

They had a lot of things in common.

They were both good guys, respectful, honest.

They were friends and it had to be hard to him knowing what Derek was doing for his woman and not being able to do anything.

Webber was sure the escape was to steam off but also to collect himself.

It hadn't been completely useful judging from his face.

"Hunt…"

"Chief… I'm sorry I left… I just needed to catch air"

"You don't need to excuse yourself"

Owen's eyes darted in the room, he spotted Meredith through the window, she looked calm.

"How did she take it?"

Richard followed his gaze and lowered his eyes once acknowledged the object of the conversation. It meant more than a guilty statement.

"Chief?"

Owen's heart sank in his stomach recognizing the truth.

"You didn't tell her?"

Richard stared blankly at him and Owen shook his head in disbelief.

"Webber…"

"I know what you think and… a good part of me feels denying Meredith the truth is wrong. But what could I tell her, Owen?"

Hunt raked a hand in his hair. He hadn't a good answer to this question. If Cristina was in danger, he'd want to know everything, even the bad things. Even after the free fall he had lived in the past hour, he still believed it was better to know. But he also knew that, was he in Derek's shoes, he wouldn't want Cristina to know what was going on. She would be powerless anyway.

"Derek wouldn't want you to tell her"

Owen raised his eyes, his last words had dropped a layer and Richard felt relieved.

He really knew Derek, he wasn't pushing him.

Owen Hunt was everything but invincible.

He was sensitive and reasonable.

And Richard realized with shame he was looking through his blue eyes for the very first time, discovering a man he had never suspected to be there, he had never felt the need to know.

"I feel the same way"

Hunt sank on a plastic chair hiding his face. Richard didn't know what to do, he didn't know if leaving him alone or prodding him. He chose to explain him the last events.

"We're going downstairs to meet him in minutes"

"What?"

Webber sat near him.

"Dunn accepted to let Derek out for some minutes. We're going downstairs in a while. I guess you should know that Trent will keep Cristina on the phone all time long. It was Derek's condition"

"Ok…"

"There can be the chance you could talk to her. If Trent recognizes the conditions, he'll give you the receiver"

"Ok…"

Richard patted his shoulder, Hunt was melting down and it wasn't the moment.

"Hunt… I know how it must feel for you but… I need you. I need you to be yourself. I can't worry even for you right now. After this encounter, Falks will give that interview, the news will go public. Chaos will spread everywhere"

"I should call her mother"

"You should… Do you know her?"

"No. We have never met… but I know where Cristina keeps her address. What I'm gonna tell her?"

"That we're doing all we can"

"It won't sound any good, Webber"

"Is there anything which could?"

"No… I guess not"

"You'll think about this later though. Do you think you can go in there and act normally?"

"Do you mean with Meredith?"

"Yeah"

"I feel too guilty to even look at her right now"

Owen looked to the Chief and then away, he felt a palm on his thigh and sighed.

"I should be in there to defense her, I should be the one to stand up and fight for her. Derek shouldn't be doing this on my behalf"

"Nobody should ever be in a mess like this. But Derek knows you'd do everything he's doing at his place. I guess you didn't have to ask him anything"

"No"

"He'd do… he would have done it anyway. I know… you know that Derek can be as arrogant as anyone else… but he's a great guy… he's a great guy. Keep it together, Owen. Do it for me, even if it feels bad"

The door opened and Richard saw Falks coming out, he stood sensing it was time and Owen did the same.

"Dr. Hunt… you're back"

"Dr. Webber explained me everything"

"Yeah… we need to go now. I hope you'll be able to let you share some moment with dr. Yang"

"Thank you"

"Trent will give you every information you need"

"Ok"

"See you later then"

He turned on his heels and left. Richard lingered a moment, he sensed Owen wanted to tell him something.

"I should go too now"

He made some step away but Owen's voice reached him.

"Webber…. " He turned and saw Owen's swallowing. Whatever he wanted to say got stuck in his throat.

_Say thank you to him. _

"I will, Hunt. I will"

* * *

Dunn had moved the barricades and was peeking out of the little window.

There was movement at the end of the hallway. Trent had said twenty minutes, they had gone, it was probably time.

Meredith's phone chose that moment to ring and he picked up without even checking the id.

"You ready?"

"We are"

It was Falks this time.

"There's a change of plan though"

"What do you mean? I thought we had a deal"

"We have. But I've made some consideration while I was here, nothing life changing, don't worry"

"What would it be?"

"I want Sheperd's phone"

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"I'm not playing here, Dunn"

"I'm not either. I just want to be sure you didn't place a microphone or anything. And then he said he had one so… what does it matter what you give me?"

"It only matters as I have a damned idea where to find it"

"Well, I can help in that. He said he left it in his locker. Go and pick it up"

"I don't know every single combination"

"Well, you have a full squad out there. I guess it won't be a problem to violate a damn closet, will it?"

"Dunn…"

"You have five minutes to get it and call me back. After…. Our deal is over"

He stopped the conversation and sent a glare to Derek who had followed the speech stunned.

"What's that face? Are you jealous of your things?"

Derek didn't answer. It was his last thought. He was more concerned of what William could find or not find in his phone, in his personal settings, in his gallery, in his telephone book.

"Or maybe you're worried I will find secrets you don't want me to know?" he chuckled "well… that was the purpose I have to admit. Now… just to explain things better, you're going to take your phone and not turn it on, I don't want you to delete stuff or anything. I'll dial your number every ten seconds, Sheperd, if it sounds free… I'll get very very angry. Now pull your ass on and prepare. It won't take long"

Derek breathed out, he pushed with his legs and raised to his full length.

As he expected, his ribcage didn't like the new position, he had to close his eyes and try to control his breathing, his arms closed around his sides. A thin air tickled his face, his irises focused on Cristina who was standing next to him.

"I'm fine"

"You need to take it slowly"

"I know"

"I don't think you can…"

"I do" he stopped her, his voice, stern and commending, stopped her. He eyed the two pairs of legs appearing from under the bed and approached slowly.

He bent his knees to have a better view, a sharp pain shot from his ribs and he knelt out of breath. It was the first time he made eye contact with the two corpses. Dunn had probably surprised them behind their back. They both had a deep laceration on the throat, the jugular had been severed, they had bled out in seconds. One of the man had still his eyes open. Derek closed them pitifully with a shaky hand. The coldness of the man's skin hurt him, it reminded him of bad, familiar things.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and felt his eyes moistening with tears. He snorted and gripped the collar of the police man's jacket. He pulled with his good hand as much as he could, trying to ignore the throes crossing his body. The man was tall and heavy, he was muscular and well trained. It drained Derek out to drag him till the door. The effort became almost unbearable when he was halfway but he didn't give up, he wasn't dragging a bag or a box, it was a human body and he needed… he had to arrive till the exit. He groaned when his back hit the wall, he loosened his grip and the corpse leant gently on the floor. Derek slipped along it too, curling on the floor. Before he could decide if he was breathing or not, Cristina was by his side.

"You're an idiot if you think you can do this… Let me check you"

"I'm fine"

"Just stop saying it" she spat to him but immediately regretted when she saw him gritting his teeth. She sighed and stroked his shoulder instead. Distantly, she heard the phone ringing and Dunn agreeing on something. His voice arrived cheerful and close next time.

"They're ready to go. Uhm… you don't look so ready though"

Derek was still curled into a ball, his eyes squeezed shut.

"He can't take them out… he's going to kill himself"

"You're being a little bit tragic… Am I right doc?"

Cristina turned to look at Derek, he had opened his eyes and was trying to catch his breath. He had paled meaningfully after the last effort.

"I can do that…"

"Sheperd…"

Once again, he cut her off and got somehow to stand on his own. Cristina understood it was pointless to argue with him.

"Let me help him"

"I'm sorry… he's the only one to have a ticket out this round"

Cristina looked between Dunn and Derek, her glance ran to the body still under the bed.

"I can at least bring it him here"

She moved towards the second man and Dunn didn't stop her. She mimicked what Derek had done before, she gripped the man's jacket with both hands and pulled with every strength she had. She thanked God when she got to the door.

Dunn had opened it, he was pointing the gun to Derek's temple, just in case someone was out there to ambush him. He took a quick look outside and then shared an angry, intense look with Sheperd.

"It's time"

Dunn's phone rang in his fingers and he answered.

"Hello? Yeah…. We're ready" he handled the phone to Cristina who took it. She swallowed before talking into the microphone.

"Hallo? Yeah… yeah… I'm good" she locked eyes with Derek and nodded to him before walking into a corner, busy in a tight conversation. Dunn nudged Derek's shoulder inviting him to go out.

"Move. Take them across the half of the hallway"

Derek bent forward and gripped once again the jacket of the first man.

His eyes settled on his ID: Fred Gordon.

He remembered someone had told him this man had a kid. He didn't remember who had told him… he couldn't place the information. But he had a kid, he had a wife, he had parents, he had friends. And now Derek was dragging him around like he was nothing, like he was a burden someone had left across his way. The painful signs and warnings his body was sending to him were nothing if compared to the torture which held his heart right now.

Fifteen years ago someone had lifted his father like that.

He had probably cussed as he was heavy and out of fit and difficult to carry around.

That what was left of people after they died. A bunch of bones and meat which bothered anyone and was supposed to rot in earth.

Derek shivered realizing that this man's son was not probably going to see his father ever again. The wound Dunn had inflicted him would probably make it impossible, inadvisable. Derek wouldn't want his kid to see him like this, Derek wouldn't want his kid to touch his dead skin.

It had been a shock for him and he was a med student. He was supposed to know how many degrees the human body lost after death.

But his father had been colder than marble and it had shocked him.

He was supposed to be warm and soft.

The uncomfortable feeling was still vivid into Derek's mind.

It had been like kissing a metal sheet.

No kid was supposed to do that. No son was supposed to do that.

Rage filled his heart for this man's child.

And suddenly Derek felt exhausted and worn out.

He had reached the point Dunn had imposed him.

He laid the man gently on the floor, resting his back against it. He tried to inhale deeply but it didn't work, he couldn't throw up, he wouldn't throw up. He rested his forehead against the cold concrete surface, he hid from the world. He really needed to collect himself before being a Charon for the second time.

* * *

"Just send someone help him"

Richard was almost panicking after he had seen Derek dragging out what he supposed to be one of Falks' men' corpse. He hadn't to make those kind of efforts, not when he had several broken ribs and a out of use hand.

Falks put a hand on the phone he was talking into, they had arranged an improvise link with Trent, he was making sure Yang was actually fine and talking.

"Webber, just calm down" Richard obeyed, his eyes locking with Derek's form, leaning heavily to the wall. It was obvious he wasn't fine, it was obvious something was going on. Falk hang off, he set a hand on Webber's shoulder, Derek was gone, probably back into the room to pick up the second man. Indeed, after a couple of minutes, he appeared in the hallway again.

Richard was feeling Derek's effort inside his bones, it was like he was doing it himself. Every time he saw Sheperd giving a tug to pull the body behind him, he shivered. The journey felt like an agony, like a delivery. He was there watching and he couldn't do anything. Finally Derek reached his target, he left what remained of Jason Kingsley on the floor and bent forward, his hands on his knees, his buttocks against the wall to hold him up. Webber was ready to jump in to help him but Falks' cell rang. He snorted reading the id caller.

"Falks"

"That's me"

William's unpleasant voice sounded in the receiver.

"We had agreed you would let Yang on the phone for the whole time Sheperd was out"

"I know and I will… Sheperd is not technically out yet"

"What is it, Dunn?"

"Calm down, Falkie. Don't you want to thank me for letting your guys out?"

Falks had to bite his tongue not to spat back to him. If he had said what was going on in his mind, he would have revealed their blitz into the room. He breathed in deeply and tried to sound professional.

"I'm not thanking you for killing my guards"

"You've got some point…"

"What do you want?"

"Did you find what I asked you?"

"Yes, I'm holding it"

"Good… that's good"

Both Falks and Richard looked to Derek who was walking slowly down the hallway to their direction.

They didn't comment his posture and his demeanor. It looked like he was going to pass out before reaching their position.

"So… I wanted to give you some rule about this meeting"

"What do you mean?"

"Sheperd's school trip lasts ten minutes. No food, no drinks, no treatments"

"Why would he need treatments?"

Dunn didn't buy his provocation, he was sure they would have noticed something was wrong by now, the rest was going to be revealed soon, he had made sure about that.

"No treatments, I'm guarding you like a hawk. I see him with a glass of water, you're going to regret it"

"He has blood all over his neck. If you hurt him, the wound needs to be cleaned and disinfected at least"

"Dr. Yang will disinfect it once back, you can clean it. Stay there where I can see you. I give the phone back to Yang now. Ten minutes from now"

The line fell, Falks muttered a curse under his breath.

Dr. Sheperd was right behind the door.

Webber opened it and Derek collapsed in his arms, his whole weight pressing down on the Chief's shoulders.

"Derek…"

Falks sneaked an arm around Sheperd's waist, supporting him.

"Go and take a chair, Webber"

The Chief disappeared behind the door and came back seconds later with a chair. He set it in front of Falks and Andrew helped Derek on it.

"Slowly… slowly"

Sheperd sank on the seat, he hid his face in both hands panting.

"You're bleeding…" Webber's voice went out shaking. It was the first time Derek heard him talking like this.

"It's just a scratch"

"It looks like a stab wound to me" Falks waved his hand and Webber saw a man hurrying up behind the glass. "Just don't move"

Moving was the last of Derek's thoughts.

He wouldn't move. He couldn't move even he wanted to.

* * *

Ok... I know there wasn't a lot of action here but I wanted to prepare the field for next chapter.

Derek and Richard, Cristina and Owen.

Do you like these meetings or do you prefer others?

I guess I will be back next year, I have to write also the new chapter of the FINALE THAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING.

You have plenty of time to give me suggestions ! I'm here.

If I don't finish nexw chapter in time, I wish you Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

See you guys!


	17. I AM WHERE YOU ARE

Hey... sorry for the await. I had to work on this much more than expected. There were some parts which didn't satisfy me at all. I let it to your judgement.

R & R

* * *

The door bumped open and a cop entered with the medical equipment Falks had asked seconds before.

The man handled it to Webber and left the three of them alone.

Derek was still refusing eyes contact to anyone. He was sitting on the chair, his eyes down. Richard had tried to talk to him sometimes but his questions had fallen unanswered.

The time was passing quickly though and they couldn't just spend it like that.

"Derek… I'm going to touch you"

Richard took some gauze and drenched it with peroxide. He approached Sheperd's sit and his eyes crinkled when he realized how deep the wound on his neck looked.

"It's going to burn a bit"

He applied pressure and Derek flinched, he straightened up bringing his hand on Webber's.

"Richard…"

"I'm just cleaning it. You'd need some stitch but… stay still, I'm almost done"

He went on, brushing stained blood away, cleaning the area. Dunn had promised Cristina would take care of it later.

"It's better Yang puts something on it later"

"Ok…"

Derek's voice was so hollow that Richard and Falks shared a look. It was moment to investigate, minutes were going down and, in a few time, he was supposed to go back. Webber threw the used and soaked band aid away, he brushed his hands and sighed.

"What's going on, Derek?"

"Nothing…"

"This doesn't look as nothing to me. What happened to your hand?"

"Nothing you need to worry about"

"I have a lot to worry instead. You've got a hole in your neck, your wrist is broken and you've just collapsed on me. Seriously… what the hell is going on?"

There was a moment Richard was sure Derek was going to answer, his heavy breathing meant he was pondering it. But then he looked up and their eyes met. Sheperd wasn't going to tell them anything of what had happened in there. This wasn't his priority, it wasn't of his concern. As it had happened and it couldn't change now, not anymore. He lowered his head raking his hair.

"What do you plan to do?"

Richard was surprised both by the answer and his behavior. He hadn't expected a total closure like this one.

"Derek…"

"It depends on what you tell us, dr. Sheperd…"

Falks cut in, it wasn't the moment to press the surgeon on the past events, maybe he would be more cooperative on a common strategy.

"I don't understand…"

"Has Dunn others weapon we don't know about?"

"I don't know… I don't think so. I've just seen guns… nothing else"

"It wasn't a gun which hurt you like that…"

"No, it was a scalpel. But I don't know what else there's in that room. So… I must assume that's all" Derek stroked his eyes and then looked up to the ceiling squinting. Light was bothering him, it was cold and white and his pupils hurt out of exhaustion.

"So what do you plan to do?"

"The situation is complicated. Despite how much we've tried, there's no way in. Unless we face Dunn openly and break down the door"

"And we would be dead before you get in"

"It's a great chance. But we can't wait for him to kill you anyway" Falks breathed out, he realized the draw he had just painted wasn't really appealing. "I know you're probably under too much pressure to think straight but… what do you think he wants from you?"

"I don't know"

"You're constantly in his words, you're constantly in the mid of everything he says and does. You must have an idea of why William is so attracted by you"

"I'm not a shrink, I thought you had enough in your staff"

"Yeah, I have. But this behavior is completely out of Dunn's habits and we don't have a clue, my psychiatrics don't have a clue. Did he say something which could help us?"

_I plan to break you… piece after piece, I plan to destroy and take everything which makes you who you are._

"No"

"So what do you do in there all the time?"

"We try to survive, that's what we do and I can swear you it's pretty difficult"

Richard saw Falks' face tensing. He wasn't getting anything useful from Derek and was starting to become frustrated.

"I can imagine that…. And I just have to imagine as from what you are telling me, I have nothing to work on"

"Falks…." Richard tried to cut in, he didn't like the tension and the way Andrew was addressing to Derek. He was only pushing him to close up more and again. The chief placed a hand on the policeman's shoulder but the man shrugged it away.

"No, I know it's a tough situation, but If I didn't know the whole story, I'd think you're siding with him"

Derek's face jumped up, his eyes contracted in thin slits. Webber's jaw fell agape too.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you developing some kind of Stockholm syndrome or something?"

"Did you ask him to send me out for this crap?"

"I asked him to send you out to check if you were fine. And you're not. And secondly I hoped we could get useful information from you but you're not providing us anything"

"I told you what you asked and what I know. All the rest… I have nothing to say, I have nothing you need to know and, most of all, there's nothing I want to share with you"

"As you have something to hide?"

"No, as the awful conversations I had to endure humiliated me enough and I really don't feel like reliving any of them with you"

Derek's voice raised and Richard closed his eyes. What he had feared was happening. Derek had barricaded everything inside, it was what he did, what he had always done. And Falks was trying to destroy the wall, only it was too hard and he didn't know this was the last way to use with Derek. Webber placed himself between the two of them, almost shielding Derek. He hated to hear Falks almost yelling at him, he was going thorough enough to take even this.

"Just calm down…. Ok? We don't need this, we don't need this"

"We need someone who can cooperate, Webber. I know how he must feel and I hate myself for prodding him… but this is the only chance we have and you know it. You know it!"

"Give me two minutes with him"

"I don't have two minutes to give you"

"You have. You're a professional of these kinds of mess but sometimes using hard ways it's not the best solution. I've already proved you I can get better results. Please… two minutes and you'll be back"

Falks glanced over Richard's shoulder to dr. Sheperd. He was curled on the chair, his head in his hands. The surgeon was the second person he saw after a contact with William Dunn and, after Dr. Grey, what he saw were just debris. This was what Dunn made to people, he sucked the life away from them, materially or metaphorically. He sighed and nodded, finally he had two of his men outside in two black bags, he could spend some time out there. He pushed the door open and disappeared. Richard turned around and his eyes rested on Derek.

"Is he there… in the same room you are?" Trent asked softly into the phone. He had been on the phone with Dr. Yang for five minutes, all he had got were yes and no, sighs and cries. It was difficult to him, paradoxically speaking with Dunn hadn't been so much. As he knew him, he knew what he could expect, he knew what he had to avoid and despite how mean and dark that man was, the darkness was known. This woman… he didn't know anything about her, he didn't know what to talk about, especially since she was so difficult to communicate with. Falks had told him to pass dr. Hunt to the phone at some point but he hadn't been able to verify if there were the conditions and now he was there, with the surgeon guarding him like a hawk and in evident lack of words. He breathed in deeply and tried again.

* * *

"Is Dunn in the same room, dr. Yang?"

"Yes"

"Is he hearing what we say?"

"No"

Before Trent had the chance to say anything else, Owen pulled the receiver out his hand.

"Cristina… it's me" Immediately Owen could hear a change in the breathing from the other side of the line. But nothing else, just silence "Cristina…. Please… Are you there?"

"I am" Her voice sounded so distant and flat that Owen's eyes started to leak tears immediately. He stroked his eyes shaking his head. But then someone gripped his shoulders and he looked up, seeing Bailey standing over him. This wasn't the time to give up, he was there for Cristina and he needed to keep it together. He nodded giving Miranda a weak smile and looked into the receiver again.

"Are you fine?"

"Yeah…"

"He didn't hurt you…"

"No… he…" Cristina closed her eyes, Dunn was still in the room and she didn't want him to hear her whine or cry "No"

"But he tried to…"

"I'm fine"

"Derek helped you…"

"Yeah"

"He stopped him"

"Yes"

"And got hurt in response"

The answer was a deep sigh. Just imagining this was horrible for him, but for Cristina it had to be unbearable.

In this moment he realized that this story would probably leave unforgettable signs in their lives, however it ended. Owen didn't know how Derek and Cristina would eventually come out of that room. But their destinies were indissolubly bound. Sheperd's life was potentially already at risk, he could have internal damages from what they had seen and this for Owen was already enough to try something to get them out. But apart from this, which was clearly their main concern, his career was deeply at risk. And if Sheperd had to hang off his coat after this… well… it would be a difficult loss to bear for every of them.

"He is with the Chief now… Richard went down to meet him. He is going to make sure he's fine"

"He's not"

"I know… I know… but how are you?"

"Fine, I told you"

"Damn it, Cristina. It's already difficult to talk to you normally but now… I know you're scared and in shock but please… give me something more"

"I'm fine. I ate and drank. It's a little hot but… I'm fine. How is Meredith?"

Cristina regretted the question as soon as it left her mouth. Dunn was eyeing her suspiciously, apparently dr. Grey was still a topic which intrigued him. Cristina swallowed and diverted her eyes, she tried to ignore the interest she had risen, she tried to keep focused on Owen and the mild conversation they were having. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. But with William in the same room… it was impossible. She didn't want to give him any soft point, any advantage, any reason to use against her later, he was so cruel he could even think to trade her with Owen and she really couldn't let this happen.

Hunt from his side took a quick glance to Meredith. She was sitting on the couch, her knees against her chest. She looked little and fragile and lonely. And she didn't even know the truth.

"She's pretty good all considered. She's worried for you and Derek of course but… she left the room with no scratch"

"Glad to hear that"

"You'll come out of there safe too, Cristina"

"I know"

There was a hidden meaning in that sentence but Yang couldn't reveal it to Owen. She hoped Webber would be smart enough to get Derek couldn't go back to that room if they wanted him to survive. She wondered what they were doing, what they planned to do. It was meaningless and pointless to let them there… she had expected the police to take a position or an initiative before. But hours had passed… were passing and nothing happened. She didn't get what they were waiting for.

"What are you doing?"

The question took Owen by surprise, he didn't get the meaning of it at first but then Trent pointed to the board and Hunt got she was asking him about possible ways to get them out. Only the lawyer was waving his hands and mouthing to keep his mouth shut. Owen got why: he was scared William was now listening to them. Their ideas were already too poor, letting them known would be an unforgivable mistake. Only Hunt felt bad at the perspective to let Cristina down, she had faith in this, she hoped in this. And telling her they were in there doing nothing felt like abandoning her. Someone touched his arm and he focused. Trent was staring at him, he needed to remember the big picture.

"Nothing… we're just waiting for this to pass Cristina. Everyone here is pretty confident this siege won't last any longer"

"Ok"

* * *

"I can't keep him in line forever, Derek"

"I'm sorry I turned out to be useless"

"Don't you ever say this… Falks is a little bit harsh but he's doing everything to solve this"

"I know… I know…" Derek looked up, his eyes met Richard's and then darted away. He was messaging his broken hand, trying to ease the circulation or just trying to busy his fingers. "How is she?"

Richard had been waiting for this question from the very beginning but had avoided to introduce the topic himself. He had understood that the way Meredith had parted from them had been violent and traumatic, he didn't know what Derek had perceived about it.

"Meredith is fine… a little bit shaken but fine"

"She hadn't realized I was lying… She thought I had abandoned her"

"She had a gun to her face, Derek. I guess it's allowed not to think straight. Now she knows you did it for her and is sick worried. I didn't tell her…" Richard swallowed realizing he had just made a mistake.

"What?"

"We… Falks… we were able to send a camera in before"

"When?"

"Half an hour ago more or less… And we saw…" his eyes darted down his body and Derek noticed his arms showed dark bruises under the shirt sleeve. He pulled it down as best as he could but it was too late. "We saw you…" he swallowed and bent in front of Derek, he found eye contact despite Derek had tried to avoid it. "Please, talk to me"

"There's nothing I want to tell you. And you still know it so… just save it"

"What happened, Derek?"

"I've already told you… nothing I want to tell you"

Richard felt they weren't going anywhere. Derek was somehow feeling ashamed of what had happened in there. He tried to raise Derek's shirt but he immediately stopped his hands.

"Derek…"

"Just stop it, Richard. I don't want to tell you about the beatings and everything. I don't need to show you and you don't need to see"

"But I want to know… I want to know what's going on"

"What the hell do you think is going on?" Derek's voice shook, his breath came out like a gasp and Richard let go of his clothes "Dunn is playing hide and seek with me. He thinks… he thought he could do whatever he wanted to anyone but he was wrong in this… he was the damned wrong. And it doesn't matter Meredith is gone, I'm not going to stay in there and pretend I'm alone. Cristina needs help… she needed help and I made sure she had it, no matter what implied for me"

"So he maltreated you as you contrasted him?"

Derek closed his eyes breathing out, he didn't want to explain this to anyone. But his attitude was more than a confirm to Richard. The Chief patted his thigh, he wanted to give him comfort but for the first time in his life we was out of words.

"You don't have to feel bad about this, Derek. You are being surprisingly brave and lucid"

"What did you think I was… a coward?"

Derek's eyes drifted to the door, Falks was coming back. Webber continued like nothing had changed. He hoped Derek wouldn't close up again.

"I've never said this. But one thing is being courageous in a room full of comforts and protection, another is being ready to sacrifice oneself for someone else. A few people would do that"

"Well… I guess it's what he thought too"

"William Dunn is not used to face heroic people, dr. Sheperd" Falks came back into the conversation and Derek sighed "He likes to take control and use it against others. I think that's the reason why he's being so harsh to you"

"So I'm challenging him… that's what you're saying?"

"You're rising his violence as he can't bind you to his will. He won't stop till he does that"

"So what should I do?"

"Try to let him think he has the power"

"Dunn's idea of power is a little bit different from yours and mine. I achieve authority speaking and talking. My ideas are stronger and I gain respect from people. William just assaults people physically. And you're as numb as he is if you think I'm gonna sit into a corner and let him rape a woman on my watch so that he can achieve his idea of supremacy"

Richard looked away, the draw Derek had just expressed sent shivers down his spine. Finally Falks' doubts hadn't been so out of reality. Yang was fine but her situation had been on the brink and just Derek's sacrifice had taken her out of troubles. The problem was what had happened… but also what was going to happen next time.

"Maybe that's his plan…" Falks stroked his chin thoughtfully. Maybe all the pieces were going to their place now.

"Excuse me?" Richard straightened up facing Caldwell's chief.

"Maybe he wants to test you. See how far you're willing to go to defend dr. Yang…."

"What for?"

"To prove something… to prove that people have a limit after all"

Richard's mouth opened in shock, Falks had just assumed Dunn was using Derek as Guinea pig of a personal and fool experiment. But if this was shocking, the idea they weren't going to do anything to stop him was even more shocking.

"So what the hell do you think you're doing?" Richard's voice boomed in the hallway and Falks looked surprised. He was not so used to people talking to him like this. He gave orders, he commended, others obeyed. But Webber wasn't one of his subordinates, he was a person used to dictate law himself.

"Nothing…" Derek's answer arrived unexpected and both men turned to look at him.

* * *

"I'm gonna call your mother, Cristina"

She froze on the spot. The thought of her family, mother, had never crossed her mind since she had been in there. She didn't know why. Maybe she had thought things could end before, maybe she had thought of surviving and her mind hadn't spaced that far. But now Owen had said that, the image of her mother filled her mind.

Their relationship had been complicated to say it easy, since Cristina's father had died… things had worsened year after year. The reason…. Unknown. Cristina had always suspected her mother blamed her for the accident. She was 6 when it happened but she was already bossy and stubborn. And his father couldn't say no to her. So, that evening, when she had asked for an ice cream at 8 p.m. , her mother had snorted and told her to go to finish her homework, wash her teeth and then go to bed. But she hadn't. And his father had smiled to her, told his wife to go upstairs to take a shower while he took care of the little Cristina and then they had sneaked out. Only they had never come back. And, after the shower, mrs. Yang had reached the living room to find it empty. She had cursed her husband for his sweet heart and waited patiently for them to get home. She had waited more than an hour without worrying as she knew the effect Cristina's big eyes had on her husband. Ice cream, then park, then horses… Everything. And then the doorbell had rang and her world had fallen apart. Cristina still remembered the flavor of strawberry in her mouth, the noise of firemen trying to take her daddy out of the wreck, the noises of people shouting orders. And the image of her mommy running towards her, her hair still wrapped in a towel.

Nothing had been enough. Nothing had served. Michael Yang had never made his way home, not alive at least. His coffin had occupied the living room for three endless nights and Cristina had sworn nobody would have never died like that on her watch again. Only this had counted nothing to her mother. She was 39 and widow, alone in a city she had nobody except her. And she had made sure the contact got broken early, she had registered Cristina into a boarding school. Young Yang had pretty clear ideas on her future and she hadn't suffered for this detach, on the contrary, she had drown herself in books to forget. Only school ended in Summer and Christmas holidays and she had to spend these periods home. With her lonely and superficial mother.

They didn't fight, they just ignored each other. Their house was big enough for the both of them, they could stay in a week without almost meeting.

Childhood had finished, adolescence had finished, adulthood had arrived. But the confrontation was still far to come. And now Cristina didn't know if it was worse to keep living in the doubt or having her mother slam the truth onto her face. A part of her feared the outing. She was scared of the grudge, the pain… and she had avoided. And her mother had too. They sometimes entered in each other life but tip toeing and Cristina was grateful for that. She still remembered the only visit her mother had paid to her since she was in Seattle. She had messed up everything and Cristina had made sure it was one and only occasion. So her mother didn't know she had been recently accepted as cardio resident, she didn't know her daughter was one of the best, she didn't know she had actually moved another step to build her family. With a man she loved.

The realization had hit her some day before.

After Owen's pathetic scene in her shower.

She really cared about him, otherwise… he'd be gone, cancelled, forgotten. He was sweet and virile, strong and fragile at the same time. He wasn't ashamed to tell her sweet words. And he had already done it… several times. And now he was here trying to keep her upright, only he had touched a nerve and she didn't want Owen to introduce himself to her mother like that. And she didn't want her mother to know she was in danger, at least till the moment she would be definitely out of there, alive or not.

"No"

"This thing is gonna get public in a short time… "

"How?"

Owen shook his head, this kind of conversation was driving him crazy. He felt like in some kind of politics debate where the moderator popped questions and the candidate had five seconds to answer. He wanted more than that but he realized they couldn't. A small relief washed into him when he realized what Cristina had asked him. Trent had the same instinct too. She wasn't under control, her question had been too quick and direct to be driven. The lawyer raised his shoulders and Hunt got it was his permission to go on.

"The press tapped us… they know Dunn is still here and they're gonna air from the parking lot. Everybody is going to know… They won't know your name… but every family will check his relatives… sons… daughters… the truth will come out, Cristina. And I guess it's better your mothers knows this from me and not the tv"

"No"

"Why not?" Owen felt the exasperation in his own voice. He knew Cristina, he knew she had a reason but he hadn't the power to read her from these little words. He needed more but she couldn't give it to him. He closed his eyes and breathed in, he needed to calm down and let bad feelings flow out of him, he needed to let space to his instinct and sensibility.

"She might not…" Cristina swallowed seeing William looking at her again. "She might not sleep at all. Mrs. Grimms had severe episodes of migraine, her doctor suggested her not to read or watch tv. This was how we could diagnose her"

"What the hell is she saying?" Trent couldn't control his astonishment but Owen silenced him. He had locked eyes with Meredith and they had both known the subliminal message of her words.

"Are you saying your mom doesn't watch tv?"

"Yeah" Cristina breathed out, relieved.

"You want me to run this risk?"

"Yes"

* * *

"Has William ever talked to someone different from us?"

"Not that I know… he doesn't always let us hear his conversations"

"But can you assume he hasn't?"

"When he was with us… I can. But he locked up in the bathroom sometimes and I can't tell you what he did while he was there"

"How long did he stay alone?"

"Sometimes… for some minute"

"Give me something more, dr. Sheperd…"

"There's nothing more. He stays, he talks, he raises discussions and then he closes in the toilet. And he's always holding a gun"

"You have grown an idea of this, though"

"What I think is not a fact, Falks"

"But it's more than nothing"

Derek swallowed, he touched his side and groaned when a throe cut through him. He shifted uncomfortably on the chair and it wasn't just out of pain. Falks was asking him to trust his instinct and he was more doubtful. As he didn't trust the man in front of him. Derek's certainties had been shattered in the last few hours. His relationship with Meredith had been put through the ringer, Cristina Yang had told straight to his face that she liked him. Someone had tried to knock his resistance and principles down. Still, even he couldn't believe it himself, he was still standing.

Bound but not domesticated.

The fact was that he truly believed someone was helping William, from inside. As the more he thought about the man's behavior, the more he convinced about that. Dunn was too calm, too quiet about his acting. He had given the impression not to feel the pressure, not to expect an initiative, not to fear it. Like he knew he had all the time he wanted. Cristina's presence had just been a diversion. Only Derek didn't know where the rotten was. It could be anyone. Even Falks. It sounded impossible but he couldn't rule it out. But why? Why would someone let that beast free to harm again? Why them? Why there? He had followed sometimes kidnapping and sieges and always the criminals wanted something in reward. They wanted a way out, they wanted money. Dunn didn't want anything and this suggested either two things. He could be a total sadist who just wanted to take the last satisfactions of his life lashing out on defenseless people. And it could be. Or he was a puppet in some strange and twisted game.

Who was the one who kept the wires though?

His and Cristina's life depended on that and Derek wasn't so sure to play all his cards if he wasn't sure whose hands he was putting his life into.

Sheperd sent a last glare to Falks, like he could read through his mind and get if he was true or not.

He had been credible before in Richard's office, he had been frank and understanding at the same time. He had lost two men and only a true and horrifying actor could pretend to mourn them and being the reason of their death instead.

Derek stroked his eyes, he really didn't know what to do.

"You think he has a mole, don't you?"

Falks' voice sounded incredibly calm and Sheperd, his eyes cast down on his feet, heard Richard breathing out. The Chief hadn't read through his fears though and tried to prod him.

"Derek… we're here for you"

Falks touched Webber's arm and shook his head. Richard looked at him in pure surprise.

"He won't talk as he thinks I can be the deep throat. Am I right?"

There was no more sense in denying it. Derek rose his eyes and met Falks'. He didn't read fear or doubt though, just concern.

"With all due respect, anybody could be"

"Derek…" Falks touched Webber's arm again and silenced him.

"You're right. And I don't want you to talk to me if you don't trust me"

A thick silence fell in the hallway.

Richard was torn between the sight of a suffering Derek and the need to take him out of his haze. Maybe there was a spy, maybe there was someone who was maneuvering Dunn. But that person couldn't be Andrew Falks. Richard had spent every minute of every hour with him. Even if he wanted, there was no way and space for Falks to communicate with William privately. And the Chief was sure he had read anger and discomfort in the colleague's face when he had learnt about the two dead men. Of course, it could have been Dunn's free doing but…. No… he couldn't accept he had spent the whole day with a traitor, a man whose coldness was even worse of the soon to be executed prisoner locked up in room. N. 2151 .

"I stand surety for him, Derek. Do you trust me at least?"

"Of course I trust you"

"So you have to do the same with him. As he spent the whole day trying to help Dunn… well… then I did it myself"

Derek just nodded.

His body didn't allow him anything more.

More time he spent sitting on that chair, more his body was rebelling to him. Maybe the effort of dragging the two corpses outside the room had numbed his senses and pain receptors. But now they were all screaming at him. He shifted on the chair again and a grimace painted on his face. His thighs shook and he tensed his back trying to relieve the stabbing feeling in his ribcage. But it only made things worse. He closed his eyes trying to catch air. Richard gripped his shoulder, he knew it was useless but he wanted at least let him feel he wasn't alone.

The cell Falks was holding chose that moment to ring.

He had set an alarm and now it was indicating him that they had three minutes left before Sheperd had to go back into the room. Falks decided to discover his plans, that guy needed at least to know they were outside doing something.

"I'm going to check every person involved in this… policeman… agent… lawyer… anything. I will keep it quiet, I promise"

"Ok"

"Dr. Sheperd…" Falks swallowed thinking of the question he was going to pop. Derek opened his eyes and they shared an intense look "do you want me to try to take you out?"

"No. If there's really some accomplice, he'd know before you do anything"

"It could take hours before we understand if there's someone or not"

"We'll try to survive…"

Falks nodded and patted his shoulder.

"Just take care of yourself…" he handled him his cell, dark and mute, and walked away. Derek rolled the item in his fingers, sighing.

"I don't like this…"

"It's just to keep in touch, Derek"

"No, Richard. It's not for that"

There was something desperate in the way Derek's eyes wandered in the room. It was like he felt trapped or in danger.

"What do you mean?"

Sheperd shook his head and then looked back to the Chief.

"Keep Meredith away from here"

"Why should she…"

"Keep her away from here"

Derek's lip quivered and Richard got he was really scared about the chance she could approach the room again.

"I promise…"

"Don't tell her anything about this…"

Richard got he was referring to his status and swallowed. He wasn't sure he could do that.

"I'm not very good in lying to her, Derek"

"Don't say anything if you don't want to lie"

"Even if I do it, she'll ask. What am I supposed to say?"

"That we're fine… We faced some difficult moment but we're good. And I'm sorry I couldn't let her know my intentions before"

"You did what you had to do. There was no time for explanations"

Derek stroked his cheeks, his fingers were shaken by little tremors. He had forgotten Webber had witnessed the whole scene through the phone. Just remembering sent shivers down his body, he hadn't worked off fear, he hadn't processed the cliffhanger, everything had happened so fast and Dunn had been so ready to assault him after that emotions had pooled in his stomach and they were now flip flopping. Before he realized his eyes moistened and he sniffled to control himself.

Richard looked away, it felt out of place to violate this moment of weakness as he was sure it was the first since Derek had entered that room, he heard Sheperd breathing in and out to calm himself, and then, unexpectedly, his former student talked.

"I really believed he was going to kill her"

"I know…"

"I thought he was going to shoot her… whatever I did"

"I did too. But thanking God you were able to give him something he wanted more. You were able to give him the power and that's all he wanted"

Derek nodded looking away.

"It doesn't mean I'll do it again though… not if doing it means letting Cristina… alone"

Richard bit his tongue, he really wanted to be able to give Derek alternatives or choices but William had closed him in a blind alley. There was no way back from what Dunn had promised and was ready to do, there was no cure or compromise. Just determination and free will sacrifice.

"I know, Derek. And I respect you for that. And I thank you for that. Owen asked me to thank you too"

Derek's weight shifted from one feet to the other and then he looked to the door he had previously crossed.

"It's time I go now"

He breathed out the best he could and Webber stroked his cheek, he searched his brain to find something to tell him but everything was blank. No recommendation or encouragement could be useful now, Derek needed strength, he needed faith. He needed to have a reason to keep fighting… something real.

Sheperd was halfway along the corridor and Richard called him back.

"Derek…" he stopped without looking back, he wasn't sure he could keep walking to hell if he turned back "Meredith loves you… she really does. Just remember this"

Sheperd resumed his walk, Richard's heart skipped a bit when he disappeared behind the door.

* * *

"We have a couple of minutes left…"

Owen's voice shook, he didn't like the idea to part from her. This contact, ephemeral and limited, had helped him a lot. He had really felt Cristina, he had heard her speak and the worry, for some minutes, had subsided. Now the silence was going to fall again and he wasn't sure he could stand it.

"Cristina…"

"I'm here"

"I…." Hunt gripped the receiver stronger he could. He took a look around, there were a lot of people around him, everyone was listening to him. And he didn't like that. Sharing his feelings was not something that met his liking. He was discreet and closed. His matters were private and right now he wanted nothing but everyone to disappear. Only it wasn't possible and he had two ways in front of him. Letting his instinct prevail and shut up, closing his feelings in a far and dark spot of his heart or neglecting his self-control, his discretion and open his heart in front of Bailey, Grey and who else… better not to know. His interest collided with Cristina's in this very moment but the choice was made even before he could really think about it. "I was scared most of the time when I was in Iraq. I was… terrified but not for the reason you may imagine. Most people think you can be afraid just for yourself but… it's not like that. It's right the contrary. Someone who chooses war cannot be afraid of dying, Cristina. I was scared as I had friends with me, near me. I was scared they could be there and then disappear in seconds, in a blink. I was scared something could happen to them and that I couldn't do anything… even if I was there. And sometimes it happened… And then I stopped even feeling that. I became a… blank space where stuff happened and flowed and nothing stopped. I lost myself… I lost the sense of fighting, the sense of practicing medicine. And I came home and I couldn't meet my mother or my girlfriend as there was nothing left of me. That night… when I was in that accident… my mind started to work again… suddenly… here. And the kiss we shared… it wasn't out of desperation or for flirtation. It came from my heart… I love you… I know it for… but I'm too messed up to take you out for a date like everyone here would do. I want that date now and you need to hold on to have that dinner with me, right?"

Someone sniffled from the other side of the line. Cristina brushed away some tear but others… many others were streaming down her face.

It was the most ridiculous declaration of love she had ever received in her life…. The most eccentric. But the best. Owen was trying to push her, to support her. But she was sure he wasn't seeding his feelings to half Seattle just to humor her. He really felt that. And there was nothing she wanted more than going out with him and build something.

"Ok…"

Owen saw Trent gesturing him the time was over, he cleared his throat. He needed to make sure Cristina had understood the situation.

"I love you"

"Me too"

The line fell, William had taken the receiver from Yang's hands and she hadn't opposed any kind of resistance. Despite she wasn't in different position than before, she felt much better.

* * *

"Webber…"

"Just give me a minute"

After their encounter with Derek Richard had asked Falks to stop for a minute to refresh. They had entered the men's toilet among curious looks. Andrew had guarded the door when he had understood that Webber didn't need to satisfy a corporal need, he just needed to catch his breath, to splash cold water on his face, he needed to collect himself as the meeting had really knocked him down.

And Falks couldn't really blame him.

But now they needed to recruit all forces and resources as the way was right in front of them.

Paradoxically suspecting an accomplice outside was better than thinking Dunn was doing all this by himself.

It gave them time, it gave them hope, it gave them perspective.

Maybe he was just fooling himself, maybe seeing two black bags and hearing his men sniffling like children had shaken him so much that Falks was trying to distract his mind, but the other part of him, the rational and professional one, was really feeling more optimist now.

He only wished he could infect Webber with this feeling.

The doctor was rubbing his face, his cheeks and hands dripping, his eyes fixed on the mirror. He had grown ten years older and exhaustion was marking its territory.

"I just wanted to thank you"

"What for?"

"For your unconditioned trust"

"It was not that unconditioned" Richard straightened up shredding some paper from the nozzle and drying his hands more energetically than necessary "we spent all the time together and you really should be a wizard to be orchestrating this with him"

"So that's all?"

"I guess it's enough" Webber made some step towards the exit but Andrew stopped him.

"It's not enough. We are working so closely that we're in a toilet together. I let you be everywhere near me, I let you take part in every operation, action… even those you weren't supposed to take part to. I was with you when we discovered this mess… Do you really think I could be by his side?"

"As Derek said… someone could be"

"Webber…"

"Someone who is in my office, breathing the despair of their friends and relatives… and pretending to give solidarity and help. Or someone who was down there with us… who saw what that coward did to an armless guy and faked to be sorry… and maybe even cried for your two men. Do you think this someone is acting so differently from you now?"

Falks backed against the wall. Webber had slapped him, his words were so full of truth and deserved cynicism that he had felt them on his skin. The mere thought of a traitor between his men made his insides churn. And by now he had no idea who the doomed could be. And above all why. His brain had worked all along their meeting and he had drawn a picture in his head. He had traced a line: suspect and above suspicion. The last was much more thinner as group but he had some name in it.

The first… in was a mushy mud where new employees, professionals, politicians and journalists melted and played all together. This was the power of a great serial killer, he had the power to charm, to capture attention and to raise irrational and unexpected feelings. Fascination, admiration… Falks remembered too good the pile of letters and mails Dunn received every day in his cell. Admirers, fans, people who wanted an interview and ended up trapped in William's web of auto commiseration and appeal. Nobody was out of suspect. But a few people he meant to entrust Sheperd's and Yang's life to.

"I'm sorry… You're right. And you can't even imagine how bad I feel about it"

Richard looked to his partner, his hands on his hips and sighed. They were on the same ship and they needed to stay cohesive.

"I don't want to worm this doubt in you… I'm sorry"

"I know. And despite how hard this is… how lacerating this thought is… I have made a plan of what to do. But you need to tell me if you agree with it as, if we're right, better…. If we do wrong…" their eyes met and Richard got what Falks was trying to tell him.

"I can't take this on my shoulders, Falks… not even this" Webber paced in the room, stroking his eyes tiredly. "It's not my world and I hadn't heard of Dunn before now. I don't know who he knew, who he bothered… who he can serve. I can play a poker game on my doctors' skin"

"But I can… that's what you're saying?"

"I hope you can… I hope…"

"It's better we go back to your office. We need to plan the interview before Wills starts to think we fooled him"

"What are you gonna say?"

"The truth until we don't get what's going on. No names, but truth. And I've already activated two very reliable people to check the cells of the people involved in this operation… If we have an insider, I'll catch it, Webber, I promise. But in the while we need not to rock the boat, not to raise doubts and suspects. We don't know if there's someone, we don't know where he is, we don't know if he actually has contacts with Dunn. We just can't cover up this thing, Webber. We'd do more damages than good" Falks patted Richard's shoulder reading his fears. "I know facing your staff is going to be hard, I know dropping the news to families is going to make everything harder, but you need to remember why we're here and what he want to achieve. We're walking on thin ice… one wrong move, we can compromise everything"

"Ok…"

"Let's go"

* * *

Derek and Cristina were sitting on the floor, their eyes closed for different reasons.

Sheperd was trying to recollect from the walk, concentrating his attentions and efforts on his labored breathing. Yang was trying to do her best to hide tears, but the result had been poor as her cheeks were still wet and Derek had realized she had been crying.

"How did it go?" Sheperd didn't bother to open his eyes and look at her and Cristina didn't either.

"Good… he never approached me or talked to me"

"Good… could you talk to him?"

"Yeah" this time the woman's voice sounded strangled and Derek stared at her. He took her hand in his and gave her a quick smile.

"It's going to be fine"

"I know…" she cleared her throat stretching her leg. Her knees hurt for the uncomfortable position. "He said he loves me"

She expected a reaction from Derek, something. When she turned to look at him Sheperd was smiling, his eyes closed. She nudged him and Derek opened his eyes lazily.

"What?"

"Owen said he loves me"

"I knew this had to be worth something…" Derek's lips stretched in a smile and Cristina snorted.

"Just shut up"

"You know what's your problem, Cristina?"

"I don't have problems"

"You're so taken from your character of bitter and independent woman that you became almost blind to people interested in you"

"There weren't people interested in me… unless you want to consider Sloan a possible hook up"

Derek chuckled lightly, careful not to attract William's attention.

"Why do you want to cheapen yourself so much?"

"You wanted to stick the man whore to me"

"I wasn't serious. I just wanted some time alone with Meredith and you were always in the wrong place, in the wrong moment"

"That's the story of my life"

"But Owen really likes you… It's so clear that I didn't think you needed him to tell you"

"We always need to hear it…"

Cristina's sentence sounded fragile, for the first time Derek saw beyond the wall of self confidence. Meredith's friend was not a super heroine, she was just a woman who had suffered and, like everybody, was afraid to suffer again. And her story with Burke hadn't surely helped in that. She had devoted her sentimental life to a man who had seduced her, abandoned her, retaken her to leave definitely on the altar. Not a promising experience. Yang had changed her nature, her essence for him and she had been left empty handed.

But Owen was different from Burke. And even Derek, overcome the first misunderstandings and tension, had grown to know and like him.

"You're right… so you won't sneer for cheesiness anymore"

"I will. Caring for someone doesn't mean to lose control or say crap all the day"

"It just means to express your own feelings. And not to be ashamed as you do it. Do you think people would admire you less?"

"I just think they'd use it at some point"

"Owen doesn't look like someone who would use you…"

"And Burke did?"

Their eyes met for the first time and Derek felt under scrutiny. Was Cristina asking him if he had never considered her relationship with Preston true and worth? Or was she asking him something about Owen? He swallowed trying to decide which version he preferred and considered more convenient "Express your feelings and don't be ashamed as you do it… I thought I had heard this somewhere…"

"I'm not scared of telling my opinions. But things can look different from outside"

"That's why I ask… You knew him and I guess you had a pretty precise idea of us"

"To tell the truth I didn't know you that much as a couple … I knew you… and I knew him"

"And?"

Derek shrugged, he didn't like to trace comments and judgments on others' relationships. Especially when things had ended up bad and moralizing looked quite rhetorical and easy.

"Nothing… you looked like two people who lived in the hospital… who shared this great passion and interest on work… but your life outside… it looked less important. Or you made it look less important"

"I think it was… And that's why it didn't work. And nobody was sorry about that"

"Why do you say that?"

"Why not? Did you lose sleep as I didn't get married?"

Derek's mind went to that day, to that church, to that aisle.

_It's over. It's all over._

Everything had changed. Meredith had dumped him and instated the Sex and Mockery period. A lot of people had been sorry about Cristina's and Burke's break up.

"I lost Meredith" Cristina's mouth opened in shock and then closed. Derek got that wasn't the sense of her question and not even the topic of their discussion. "And I was sorry even for you. You acted like nothing happened and Burke left… We didn't want to cry on you as you didn't need that"

"Have you ever heard of him after?"

"No. I tried to call him but he never answered. And then his mother told me to back off… I've never heard of him anymore. And I didn't expect it"

"Burke was nothing like you. He didn't care of anyone except himself. Maybe there was a little exception for Chief Webber. And it wasn't out of cynicism or anything… he wasn't made for human relationships, not with the patients and not to others"

"That's why he didn't like me then…" the lightness of Derek's sentence got lost when Cristina talked.

"Yes… that's it. I think he saw Chief as the way to be universally liked and appreciated. He suffered your presence… as you were loud and friendly and you didn't get impressed by his skills. Burke liked when people recognized his superiority. You never did and he felt threatened by your presence"

"Some part of me thinks he changed his mind in the end… We started to talk more and he asked me to be his best man… Maybe he got I was fair… I was egoistic and arrogant but fair. We both were"

"But this doesn't make two people friends…"

"No… it doesn't"

"And I think Owen is much more similar to you… He's easy and pragmatic"

"That's for sure. I still remember his first day here"

"I do too. I have to say I had the time of my life seeing him debating with you over your patients that day… You had to see your face…"

"Uncle Sam really bothered me. And he kept doing that till we finally understood each other. And I like him"

"I guess it's mutual"

"I hope so… I'd like to become friend with him"

"I could spend a good word for you, Sheperd"

"Thank you. I could do the same for you"

"I don't need a sponsor to get married"

"It's what I always say to Meredith when she wants me to investigate … to ask Hunt. You're adults and you know what you want. And I'm happy for the both of you"

"That kind of surprises me… I thought you'd tell him to stay the hell away from me"

"You assume wrong, Yang. And then I finally found someone to take you out of my bed"

"So you're feeding me to an unknown man for egoistic and lustful aims?"

"You can say it loud"

* * *

"I really don't know why we're here" Lexie watched her clock , her patience gone. Her fellow interns and residents rolled their eyes "I had a splenectomy to do and now we're here and anybody bothered to show up"

"Relax, Lexie. Bailey was nowhere to be found so I guess your surgery is over anyway"

Alex took a sip of his water, the room was not overcrowded but agitated anyway.

"What does it mean Bailey was missing?"

"That she wasn't on the floor. Not for rounds, not for assignments. Didn't you realize, O'Malley?"

"No… he didn't. He was too busy drooling on Torres" Lexie stood and took a look out of the window. Nobody was in the nearness and she snorted. Suddenly, her eyes caught a strange image. The Chief was walking down the hallway, his face didn't promise anything good. And Bailey and Mark were with him.

"They're coming…"

Everybody took place and after some second the door opened. The three attendings entered and Lexie was stunned seeing Mark's face. He looked awful to say it mild, it looked like he hadn't slept. But he wasn't on call the previous night. Unless he had been paged and that would explain why he hadn't answered or returned her phone calls. Sloan didn't even bother to look at her, say hi, smirk, raise his brows… anything. It was like his girlfriend wasn't in there and Lexie started to fear the reason of the meeting.

"Good morning"

Webber closed the door behind his back and took a quick glance to the doctors inside.

"I'm sorry I took you away from your assignments but… we have a situation going on and I needed to inform you" Alex and Lexie shifted on their sits, uncomfortable "I hoped to be able to do it myself but…" he looked at his clock and sighed "I'm needed somewhere else. I leave this hard task to dr. Bailey. She will tell you all that she can and it's better you know there are a lot of things you can't know… for our safety and… others' too. So just don't ask. From now on the hospital is under a code black. I can't prevent you from going out and doing whatever you want but… there are lives on the line and I'd really appreciate if you could cooperate in all the ways we'll explain you. I won't be available in the next hours and you're soon going to know why, dr. Torres and Altman and whoever feels for it will manage the department but we'll just manage patients we already have. I've asked the headquarters to divert emergencies to Presbiterian and Memorial, we won't run any surgery unless it's a live or die case. I know you'll be responsible and available like you've always been" He locked eyes with Bailey and she knew it was the moment to drop the bomb. Dr. Webber prepared to leave, he opened the door and turned around, clearing his throat. "Dr. Grey…"

"Sir…" Lexie was breathless. The picture the Chief had described was bad and they didn't even know what it was about. She was sitting on the edge of her chair, suddenly even more worried than before.

"Please follow me out"

Webber went out without waiting for her answer and Mark did too. Lexie sent a frightened look to Alex and then left the room. The door closed behind her back and she noticed her superiors entering a conference room.

"We have a really delicate… border line situation going on"

Interns and residents shared a look, they had never heard Bailey talking like that.

* * *

"Mark?"

Lexie had stopped on the doorframe seeing her boyfriend head buried in both hands. Webber walked towards her and closed the door behind her back. He looked down to the young doctor and then to Sloan. He really didn't envy him right now.

"I leave you the two of you alone, Mark. I'll see you later"

The door closed behind his back and Lexie sat near Mark, her stomach closing second after second.

* * *

"The serial killer we were assisting took guards and a couple of doctors hostages"

George jumped up and Miranda saw understanding filling his eyes.

* * *

"Meredith was released some hour ago… Cristina and Derek are still in"

"How did it happen?"

"He took Yang and used her cell to attract Meredith. And then openly asked for Derek"

* * *

"The situation is still tense and we're trying whatever we can do to take Sheperd and Yang out. That's all I can tell you… Unfortunately there is not much more. I'll keep you updated… I know many of you have a special bound to people involved and… I just want to tell you to pray… that's all"

* * *

"I want to see my sister… she needs me"

"She just needs to be alone, Lexie"

"She must be desperate…"

"We all are…"

Mark started to cry openly and Lexie hugged him.

"Mark…"

"I can't call his mother, Lexie. I just can't"

"Sshhh"

"She was here last week and she told me she was so happy for him… for the family he was building. Things cannot end like this"

"They won't" Mark surrendered to sobs and tears and Lexie stroked his hair "they won't, Mark. We need to have faith in authorities and pray… I know it's not much and we don't do it often but… we need to pray"

"God is not in that room, Lex. The Devil is"

* * *

So?

I really hope the await was worth.

Next chapter the news will spread everywhere.

Do you want to read something in particular about this?

I have some idea... before dropping the bomb.

R & R!

Next chapter of the "Finale that will change everything" is ready... I'll let you hang on a little bit more and then update!


	18. PHONES BURN

_Hey... I was quicker this time and I'm already working on the next one, which will mark a great change._

_Is always change for the best? I don't know... you'll tell me._

_I'm digging more into psychology here and I hope you'll appreciate it._

_Please read and review... just one short sentence. It's pretty frustrating to work and write and not knowing how much people is still on this._

_My other fic's chapter is ready too so... I'll let you digest this one and then publish it._

_See you!_

* * *

Richard closed the door of his office breathing out.

Usually this was his shelter, his sanctuary, the place he closed to find peace and to clear his thoughts. Only today it couldn't serve this need. It had become the headquarter of Falks and his men, Meredith and Owen and… anyone who had an affective relationship with Derek and Cristina were there too and Richard really wanted to have a minute only for himself.

After leaving Bailey with interns and residents and Sloan with Lexie Grey, he had reached the auditorium where he had summoned up all attendings, managers, chief nurses and everything. They were expecting some tirade about costs and budgets and Webber had realized the atmosphere had changed when he had informed them about the real problem affecting their hospital. For the first time he had felt compassion and sympathy coming from everyone. Many people had patted his shoulder and promised help and availability round o'clock, they had volunteered to make extra shifts and psychological support. SGH was leaving a doomed day and everybody was gathering and reacting as a team.

He had found the time to have three words in private with Torres. The department had been locked up, the ER was empty, every surgery had been canceled or finished according to his directives. Security was sealing ways in and out, no doctor or visitor would be allowed to enter the surgical area unless Falks and Webber had signed an expressed authorization. It was like to be on war.

During the meeting he hadn't revealed the names of people held hostages by Dunn but he knew it was a matter of time. SG was a big hospital but doctors… surgeons were few and everybody knew everybody. It wouldn't take much time to realize Yang and Sheperd weren't on the floor, it wouldn't take a genius to get Sloan was on the verge of a psychological break down. And Karev and O'Malley knew so… the big question was going to be revealed soon anyway. He had noticed during his speech eyes darting across the room, like his staff members were making a quick visual head count. Everybody knew Dunn's case, the topic had spread in the hospital like an oil blot in the previous days. As he was a serial killer, as his face was known to anybody older than 10 years, as his story had fused with Bailey's patient, as his frictions with Derek had turned into gossip and become something to discuss and measure on.

Richard had overheard doctors debating on this in the hallways. And the positions had blossomed, against his judgment. Apparently Meredith hadn't been the only one thinking Dunn could be left to die if that was what he wanted. Many had voiced the same opinion and blamed Sheperd to be too taken in his role to give this man compassion and let it go. Others had argued this was not what they had sworn on. They had to treat patients as this was what their job implied. No matter what they had done or what was waiting for them once dismissed. And this was the majority and even the half Webber belonged to. He knew Derek would have felt like this… would have acted like this. That was the reason why he had chosen him and put him on the case. For his poor judgment, he hadn't considered the ocean of emotions he was setting on in his heart, he hadn't previewed Dunn could be a perfect ass, a continuous troublemaker. To his fault, he hadn't considered he was a murderer, but a just a patient who needed care and he had provided him the best doctor he had.

Webber sighed and shook his head trying to get perspective back.

Falks was in the mid of the room discussing the last details with Trent and Jermin. Wills was waiting for him… them in ten minutes and everything had to be ready and perfect.

Richard approached the little team and Falks smiled to him.

"How did it go?"

"It did go… I think they're going to keep it quiet and help"

"Didn't they ask you anything?"

"No more of what I said. I warned them not to"

"So the names are still unknown?"

"I didn't tell them but… this place is not so big. It won't take long, Falks"

"I know… We're ready here and I guess you're too. We just need to decide what to do with their families"

"Cristina doesn't want me to call her mother" everybody turned to look at Owen, he had silently reached their spot and was standing behind Falks, his arms closed around his chest.

"How do you know?"

"I told her I would and she said no"

Andrew shared a quick look with Richard, this was personal stuff and maybe it was better Webber took care of it directly. After all he knew his employees and their family situation better than him.

"I know Hunt… but we have to ponder every solution and option. Do you really think this is the wisest decision?"

"Cristina says it is"

"I'm not asking her, I'm asking you" Richard got closer, he didn't want to give Hunt the impression he was commanding him or anything. His voice was soft and concerned as the topic was delicate. "I'm asking you if you think it's the best thing we can do"

"I don't know"

"I don't either. I've seen Yang's mother once or twice… and never directly spoken to her. I don't even know if they still have contacts or relationships… You're the person who should tell us what to do"

"Cristina thinks she doesn't watch tv and she doesn't want her here till she's out" Hunt's voice sounded weak, a lost baby. It was not the man Richard had grown to know and not the man he needed now.

"I don't think this awareness or hope is enough, Owen. In ten minutes I'm going down to announce the world this mess. Even if Mrs. Yang doesn't watch tv, a relative can do it and call her. I don't think this would be the best way to know"

"So I should phone her… introduce myself and telling her daughter is in mortal danger and we don't know what to do? Would this be any better?"

Owen raked a hand in his hair and walked away, pacing in the room. He didn't feel that strength in him, he didn't feel to pick up a phone and do it. Cristina's idea had been fool in part, but he knew it was what she wanted and it felt reasonable. To him, it did. As he would do the same thing. Since Richard had called him and Derek in that room, he hadn't stopped a minute to think, to imagine what could be happening to her, what she could be doing, feeling, saying. It was a pain, a worry which sucked the air out of him, which knocked him down and he really couldn't imagine, roles reversed, his mother in that room waiting for news, experiencing the same annihilating await and tension. He was a man and he couldn't stand it. His mother had told him several times that parents, female parents especially, found resources and strength in places they didn't know existed. Their children were like pets to raise and defense, no matter how old they were and no matter what the problem was. Mothers wanted to be there, wanted to help, wanted to know if something was wrong with their babies. And this was what the Chief was probably trying to explain him, suggest him. Even if Webber didn't have kids, he had a long experience of hard medical cases, proxy, families. Maybe their plan to cut Mrs. Yang was wrong… too wrong and for the first time Hunt thought maybe he hadn't even the authority and the power to choose and decide it. Who was him after all? He loved Cristina but their story was brand new… a few weeks… and they knew each other for a few months. He hoped he would last forever but it wasn't sure. And her mother had been a constant in her life, she had been there for… forever. Maybe they weren't in good terms, maybe Cristina wasn't the affectionate daughter she had wanted, maybe her husband's death had messed up their life. But Owen was sure mrs. Yang loved her daughter and she would want to be there for her.

Owen sighed closing his eyes, a decision had formed in his heart and he tried to push the guilt away. He kind had promised Cristina not to do this, but never as now he got she couldn't deal even with this, she hadn't to worry for them, for him, her mother, Meredith, anyone. She just had to try to stay alive and it was not a few. The rest was up to them, they had to worry and he couldn't take this chance away from his possible mother in law. His eyes snapped open and Webber was right in front of him.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… You're right"

"Sometimes protecting people is not the right way, Hunt"

"I know… It's just I had promised and I feel like I'm cheating on her will"

"Cristina is not in the right place to decide what is best now. We are… and we need to consider all positions and interests"

"I know… "

"Do you have a reference or anything?"

"No… I… " Owen opened his arms frustrated, he didn't know where to find Cristina's mother. And now they had decided to call her they could not have the chance to do it "I have never met her or talked to her"

Richard patted his shoulder in comfort, surely this wasn't the best way to be introduced to your lover's family. But pleasantries could wait right now.

"I'm gonna scroll her file… It could be there"

Richard left the trauma surgeon and headed to his desk, he sat on his leather chair and opened a drawer, picking out a key. He set his glasses on and moved to a filing cabinet, he set the key in and opened the second shelf. Owen saw his fingers flipping files, theirs probably, and then taking out one. He opened the pages and read through the lines quickly.

"It's here. Her mother is still her proxy"

Webber closed the shutter and went back to his desk, the file still in his hands. He dropped it in a corner and approached the trauma surgeon. Hunt knew the question which was coming and a new doubt squeezed his heart.

"We're doing the right thing, Owen. I didn't know you and Yang were… in a relationship"

"We're not… I…" Owen stroked his cheeks, he had a hard time explaining this to anyone, especially his boss.

"It's fine. I'm not going to investigate on this right now. It's the right thing to do. Maybe she hadn't the time to change her name yet…"

"She won't change her name… she didn't as… this thing has just started and… she won't trust me so easily to make me her proxy…"

Richard patted his shoulder; this Owen, insecure and doubtful, looked much more human and vulnerable, he had chosen a tough nut to crack; Webber didn't know Yang that good, but he knew her on work and she wasn't an easy person to deal with. She was strong and independent and tough. And she had received a bad blow from Burke. No wonder she hadn't change her proxy name yet.

"You're here for her, she'll appreciate that"

"Until she finds out I disregarded her wishes"

"And spank you for that… I know… But I think you can survive that"

"And you'll enjoy it…"

"Maybe…" Richard's lips twitched upwards feeling the lightness of the moment. They needed to take a breath sometimes.

"You don't know how much I'd like her to be here to spank me now"

"It will be my honor to remind you this later, Hunt. But now… we need to make that phone call"

"I know… "

"I give you two minutes to decide if you want to do it yourself"

Hunt had expected the topic, he closed his eyes and breathed out. His stomach had closed in knots at the mere thought. He needed some time to think about it, the armchair in the corner was free and he sank in it. He was going to live the worst two moments of his life.

* * *

"What's your pin code?"

Derek opened his eyes, he had fallen into a light slumber after being back into the room. For some minute he had forgotten about Dunn and the fact he was holding his cell phone, it was a problem he had voluntarily set aside.

William having his hands on it could mean a lot of things, each one very negative and scary.

He was going to have new material to work on, more photos, more texts. Potentially the key to Derek's friends and family. This was what worried Derek most of all.

A part of him really wanted to shut up right now, solve the problem from the beginning. But he knew William wouldn't let him as he had made plans on this… Dunn wanted to have even this power on Sheperd and Derek wasn't in the position to deny it to him.

"Meredith's phone is still working…"

"It's a matter of minutes though… and I don't think it's none of your business. Your code…"

William showed him the display waiting for an answer and moved on the chair seeing Derek still and apparently not willing to cooperate. He shifted forward leaning on his knees, his glare turning immediately icy and threatening.

"So, doc… let's point out something here. If you think you can shut up and being silent… I start to think you like it when I beat the crap out of you… What is it? Have you a soft spot for sadomasochistic practice? That's why you were so happy to make that deal with me?"

Cristina shivered on the floor, Derek looked too calm for her liking and Dunn, on the contrary, was ready to bite again.

"I did what I felt to do"

"And you'll do it even now if you don't want me to hurt you for good"

"Derek…" Cristina squeezed his hand to get him focus, she didn't like the turn this conversation was taking.

"Yes, Derek… Listen to her, I guess she's tired to pick up your pieces. And I could even decide not to leave any piece this time" He launched the cell into Derek's lap "Insert the pin code… I really don't know what's your deal with this"

Sheperd rolled the phone in his fingers breathing out. He didn't know why, but he felt bad thinking of doing it.

"Derek, please… just do what he asks"

"I can't"

"Why not? It's just a phone… "

"It's not that"

"And what is it then? Please…"

"I…" he turned around and his eyes locked with Cristina's. He saw the despair and fear in her eyes, she was scared Dunn would react to his denial and it was not like he really could resist on this point. But he couldn't brace himself to dial the three numbers of his code.

"Sheperd… I really don't think you have stupid things on your phone. Just give it to him"

Derek just nodded and swallowed, he pressed the keys quickly and the screen lightened up with his warm colors and the welcome jingle. Meredith's face appeared under the time and his heart skipped a bit. She was beautiful… and she looked so happy in that pick. He had taken it on his land, near the lake. She was sitting on the deck, her feet in the water, complaining about the coldness and the fact he was devoting more time to his trout rather than his hot and sexually frustrated girlfriend. He wasn't instead, he was devouring her with his eyes and had taken the chance to take that photo without she noticed, her cheeks flushed for the sudden contrast between her body temperature and the water's. He had abandoned his pole after, abandoned the equipment and everything and they had consumed their love there, in a sunny day, a normal day… a habit… something they could do and actually did every day of their life. The months of distance after Derek had chosen Addison had awakened in both of them the desperate need to stay together, to feel each other. And after they had gone back together, there was no day they didn't express physically what they meant. Sex had turned into making love and it was a total experience, a drug. Their roommates complained about it all the time but neither Meredith nor Derek cared about it. They had to make up for all the lonely and sad nights they had spent apart. Life was short and they had lived every day, every kiss like it could be the last.

Derek passed his fingertip on Meredith's image face, he sighed getting the feeling on her skin under his touch. But the moment was broken when William pulled the cell out of his grasp out of thin air, Derek hadn't even realized he had stood up and got closer.

"Very sweet, doc … Just go back to sleep now. I'll awake you when I feel for some more conversation"

William went back to his chair and Cristina took Derek's hand, squeezing it. Sheperd read relief on her face but he couldn't feel the same.

"You could take a nap… we could take a nap"

The proposal was appealing, Derek knew they both needed to rest. Their bodies and brains were strained to the limit and they were going to need all their strengths, physical and mental, to face and resist Dunn's pressure. William was lost in his new toy and Derek knew Cristina wouldn't abandon to sleep if he didn't promise he would do too. He smiled to her and squeezed her hand back.

"Fine…"

His eyes drifted shut and he tried to relax against the wall. Of course this wasn't the most comfortable position, it wasn't at all. But tiredness overcame their resistance and slumber took them away from the confined room.

* * *

Meredith felt the couch giving out under the weight of a new occupier. Someone had sit near her, someone had entered her space. With the corner of her eyes she recognized Webber's hand. He wasn't talking to her yet but she already knew the content of the conversation they were going to have. He was going to discuss the same thing he had treated with Hunt. The opportunity to call Derek's family.

Paradoxically Meredith wasn't in better position than Owen. Despite her relationship with Derek was longer and much more steady, she didn't know all his family. Three years of romance hadn't been enough for her to accept to meet his sisters. She had met Nancy and it had been enough to drop her vain ambition to become part of the Sheperd clan. They were going to hate her, they already hated her as she was the slutty intern, home wrecker, brother misleader. Derek's mother had been forced to board a plane and visit Seattle herself to meet her possible daughter in law. And it had happened the previous week, after all this time. And Meredith was sure the impression she had raised had been poor if not completely catastrophic.

She had tried to behave and give the woman the impression to be a good girlfriend, she had dressed and styled her hair differently. Izzie had suggested her to smile and be friendly and joyful but Meredith hadn't been able to stand the game till the end and she had revealed to Mrs. Sheperd her real nature. Derek's mother had been stunned by her outburst, she hadn't said anything but Meredith had read the deception and disapproval in her eyes. Even if Derek wanted to let her believe she had made a good impression… his mother didn't like her right as she wasn't supposed to like her. Meredith Grey wasn't the kind of woman mothers wanted for their precious boys, she was dark and twisty. And officially very stupid.

She felt Webber was trying to approach the topic in the most delicate way, he was looking for words but he couldn't find any. And Meredith decided to pull him out of his misery.

"I'm not going to call his mother"

She heard sighs all around.

"Meredith…" Webber and Mark said her name in the same moment, in the same incredulous tone. She hadn't realized Sloan and Bailey were back in the room, but they were. She raised her eyes and her face changed expression when she saw Lexie's tears striken face among the others. Her sister was shaking her head and it made difficult for her to concentrate on the decision she had just taken.

"I can't call her"

"We need to call her"

Mark sat near her, his arm sneaking around her shoulders to give her some courage. Meredith sniffled and cleared her throat, they had misunderstood her intentions.

"I didn't mean you shouldn't call. I won't… that's… I won't…" she raised her eyes and met Sloan's. Her lip quivered and she couldn't control her sobs. She tried to force words out, her hands waving to try to express herself. "His mother hates me and… it's… I can't…" she started sobbing louder and Mark hugged her tightly, soothing her back and trying to support her.

"She doesn't hate you, Grey. Not at all"

She sniffled into his chest, her tears spotting his shirt. She brushed tears away with the back of her hand.

"You don't need to lie to me on this… I know she does… I saw it and… I don't think this will better the situation. I'm an awful person… I had an awful influence on Derek since we met… I hurt him so many times and for so much time… I'm not the person you'd want for your son so… she has any right to hate me"

"Stop talking like this…" Mark's voice sounded sweat and calm but it didn't help Meredith to come out of her certainties.

"It would have been much better if Derek had never known me"

"Just stop now!" Mark took her shoulders in his strong hands and pushed her backwards. Meredith couldn't brace herself to meet his stare but this didn't stop him from talking.

"Mrs. Sheperd doesn't hate you. She didn't hate me when I betrayed him… worse than you did. She forgave me and kept considering me like a son… inviting me for Christmas and Thanks Giving Day. You saved Derek, you gave him an anchor and a reason to start new when everything turned bad in his life. She's grateful for that. And she's happy you entered his life"

"I can't…"

Meredith started to sob again and Richard touched Mark's hand. Sloan got the meaning of that contact. He sighed and his eyes met Bailey's and Lexie's. They both nodded to him and he stood, leaving room for them to take his place. He followed Richard to his desk, exhaustion and worry kicking in again.

"Sloan…"

"I know… I know I have to do it but I … I can't… I just can't " he touched his stomach, he felt nauseous at the mere thought of giving this news to the Sheperd women.

"I know, Mark. But there's no way we can keep this from them any longer"

"I was there when…" he closed his eyes and sighed, memories showering his mind, still vivid and true like it was yesterday. His eyes leaked tears and Webber took his shoulder and shook him. Mark opened his eyes.

"I was there waiting for Derek and his father the day he died… The table was ready… Mrs. Sheperd had taken the turkey out of the oven… She was freaking out as they were late and the meat would get hard and dry. She started to coarse when the doorbell sounded… she yelled every kind of name heading to the door. And Derek's sisters and I were gloating thinking of how she was going to spank them…. But it wasn't Derek… it wasn't Michael… We heard her scream and the world ended right there. How can I possibly call her?"

Richard sighed, he remembered that day himself. Only he didn't get the visit of a police man, not only at least. He was paged into the ER and welcomed by the sight of Derek covered in blood. He had freaked out before realizing it wasn't his own blood, he had felt him, his chest, his torso, every place his shirt was blood stained. But the fluid was almost dry. And Derek looked catatonic and a nurse had called him and he had found the answer to his unsaid questions. Webber had recognized the man lying on the gurney immediately. He was an older version of his student and he had met Michael Sheperd several times in the hallways and cafeteria. He used to come and see his son during lunch time and Derek used to lead him on the roof and they contemplated New York skyline together. Now that man was lying on a stretcher, doctors were pacing around him and the flat line indicated the game was over. He had died. An awful hole had marked his chest on the left side, right on the place his heart was supposed to beat. A gunshot. Only Michael Sheperd wasn't supposed to get shot, he was a respectful and honest man who owned a shop downtown, whose family was waiting for him to cherish that day all together. The voice of the doctor on call pronouncing the time of death had taken him out of his incredulous state. He had stopped the doctor realizing he had to be the one to give Derek the news. He has walked out of the room and found him in the same spot he had been standing minute before. He had only shaken his head and Derek had known his father was gone forever. He had sank on a chair and Webber had realized for the first time he was bleeding from his head. Only he had refused to be touched or treated and even approached. His mother had found him like this half an hour later.

Richard got the feeling Mark was experiencing, he was sympathetic with him. But ignorance wasn't bliss, it was just an useless attempt to escape reality, no matter how bad and horrible it could be. Derek's family needed to know and they were the two people who could possibly inform them. Nobody else. They owed them that at least.

"We can call them as they'd want to be here. I know it's bad… it's even worse after what they had gone through years ago but… we won't live with ourselves if they knew from someone else. I can call myself if you give me a number"

Mark took his cell from the back of his pants. He started to scroll names and contacts sighing.

"I just have Mrs. Sheperd's number… no sisters… I could call Addison and ask her if she still has…" his voice died in the mid of the sentence and Richard took the phone and his hand at the same time.

"It's fine" he applied a little pressure but Mark didn't let go of his phone. He raised his eyes and locked them with the Chief's.

"It should be me"

"If you feel to do it… it should be you"

Mark lingered for a moment and then walked away holding his cell tight. Richard got he needed a calm and silent place to do what he had decided to do. Half problem looked to be solved while Owen seemed still in deep thought. Richard walked in his direction but Falks stopped him.

"We need to go, Webber"

"Just one more minute"

"Just one… everything is ready downstairs"

Richard nodded and quickly reached Owen.

"I have to go downstairs, Hunt. What did you decide?"

"It's not like a have a choice, do I?" He stood, stroking his sweated palms on his jeans "It's up to me to do this…"

Webber handled him a post it and Owen took it, Richard's messy writing had scribbled a number on it.

"I'll be back in a half an hour or so in case she wants to talk to me then"

"Ok…"

"Take your time"

"Thank you, Chief…"

Richard smiled to him. He meant something wider than the phone number, he meant to thank him for his support and everything and Webber appreciated it.

"I'll see you later"

Owen left and Richard's eyes settled on Meredith and the little group who was trying to comfort her. His presence wasn't needed there, not anymore at least. Bailey could deal with her and he had to attend this press conference. Falks was waiting for him and he broke the last hesitation joining him.

* * *

"_Son… I'd need to talk to you"_

_There was nobody in front of him but there had to be someone… the voice was close and soft… somebody was definitely talking to him._

"_Son…" a pressure weighted on his shoulder and Derek realized someone was sitting near him. A cop… officer Johnson he remembered… He opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out. He couldn't speak… what was wrong with him? "I know it's difficult but I need to make you some question. If we want to find those guys… this is the moment, son… you need to help me to secure that man to justice"_

_Derek just shook his head. His mind was blank, full and empty at the same time. He had to make an effort to realize this had really happened. He was in his father's shop with Amelia and his dad, they were joking and getting ready to go home. And now he was dead. He wanted to wake up. He closed his eyes and hoped to wake up. But mr. Johnson was still there, this wasn't a nightmare. It was his life._

"_Derek…" another voice joined the mix. It was known this time. Webber's. "He is in that room if you want…" If you want to say hi, if you want to see with your eyes his dead body. Derek didn't lose time, he really couldn't brace himself to remember those moments. He stood and followed Richard into a visit room. The surgeon closed the door behind their backs and gently led him towards the table his father was lying on. The smell of blood invested Derek with full force and he had to cover his mouth not to throw up. Webber patted his shoulder one last time and whispered into his ear._

"_I leave you alone… Take all the time you need"_

_Derek didn't hear the door opening and closing again. All his senses were on his dad. He searched the body for any sign of movement, anything which could reveal the big bluff. But nothing happened. His father's big heart wasn't beating anymore. He had known that already in the shop, but some part of him had hoped into a miracle, a lack from his side. He had hoped emotions had overcome his medical skills but it was not like that. He took his father's hand and immediately tears stroke down his cheeks. It was cold and it didn't squeeze back. His father used to pull him into a bear hug, knocking the air out of him and enjoying Derek's embarrassment. More tears came out when he realized these moments would never happen again. His life would never be the same. He heard sobs and screams coming from the hallway and got it was time to leave, he was needed elsewhere. He left the room stroking his cheeks, he didn't have time to close the door that someone hugged him and almost knocked him down. His mother. He didn't hug her back, he didn't say anything to her. He didn't reassure her on his conditions. He hadn't the strength in him to support her, tell her what had happened. _

_Everyone closed in a private world, a space of sorrow, pain and, in his case, guilt. In a lapse of two hours he grew from pet to adult, from junior to Sheperd senior. He had to attend the wake, listen to condolences and make the honors. He was the last to say goodbye to his father, the one who pulled the silken curtain on his face, the one who carried his coffin. Time didn't help him out of his grief, it didn't fill the emptiness. His dreams filled with ghosts and specters. His father blamed him from the afterworld._

* * *

_Derek opened the door of the shop. The smell had changed, from spicy to dusty and old and closed. Everything was dark and abandoned, there was nothing left on shelves and the counter. This was a ghost place. Derek traced his fingers on the cash register, the buttons were still dirty of oil and grease. His father never washed his hands before ringing up. He pressed the last button on the left and the drawer opened with a click, there was nothing inside. But then Derek noticed something glowing in the hidden section, he lifted the double bottom and saw his father's clock. He took it in his fingers and looked at it in shock. How was it there?_

"_Where the hell is your clock?"_

_A voice boomed in his ear and Derek turned around, looking for the source of the noise. There was nobody in the room except him. _

"_I told you I don't know… please just go"_

_The voices came from the backyard and he recognized his father's voice. Only it was strange. It was not baritone and joyful usually, this time it sounded hollow and shaky. Derek rounded the counter and opened the closet door._

"_I decide when it's time to go or not. Where is the damned watch?"_

_Derek's eyes narrowed in fear seeing a man pointing a gun towards his father. Panic rolled through him and he ran towards the window. He slammed his fists against the glass to catch the man's attention but apparently it didn't work. He screamed with all the voice he had in his lungs._

"_I have the watch… Please let him go"_

_The man hadn't heard him and either his father. _

"_It's the last time I tell you, old man. Give me your watch or I'm gonna shoot you"_

"_I have the watch, please stop!" Derek slammed his hands again but the noise got lost in a thunder. The gun erupted a spark of light and his father fell back. The man ran away and Derek tried to open the door leading to the court. But it was closed. He pulled and kicked and tried everything but the door didn't give out. He saw his father dragging himself towards the road and despair closed his throat realizing he was getting weaker and weaker. Next time he took the door knob, magically it opened and Derek launched towards his father, he rolled him on his back and applied pressure on the wound. _

"_Dad…"_

"_Why are you here?"_

"_I came to close the shutter"_

_His father took his hands, he recoiled sensing Derek was holding something._

"_Why do you have this?"_

"_I found it in the casher, dad"_

"_He wanted this… Why didn't you give it to him?"_

"_I tried to tell him but you didn't hear me"_

"_Why would you let him shoot me?"_

"_I tried to stop him but…"_

"_You stayed there in a corner while he shot me, son. You had to give it to him"_

"_Dad…"_

"_Never mind. Next time someone asks something from you… just give it up"_

"_Dad… I…"_

"_Take care of the girls better than you did with me, Derek. Be the man"_

_His father closed his eyes and Derek tried to call him back._

"_Dad… dad… please"_

_He shook his shoulder but got nothing in response. _

"_Dad…"_

"Derek…" He felt someone shaking his shoulder and opened his eyes, confused of the lights surrendering him. "Derek… wake up"

He looked in front of him but his father wasn't on the floor anymore. Another shook startled him and he looked for the origin. Cristina was staring at him with wide eyes.

"What… where…" he took a look into the room and realization kicked in.

"I guess you had a nightmare… I'm sorry I had to wake you"

"Yes, it was a shame. You were calling your daddy. I was really going to like what was coming next" Derek looked up, William was grinning at him from his chair. "Do you remember you pretty dream, doc?"

Derek shivered, he was used to these nightmares, he often experienced them. But usually nobody was there to witness, Meredith had a heavy sleep and never woke up when he did. Cristina squeezed his hand and he breathed out trying to catch his breath.

"Just breathe"

"I'm trying"

"Come on, Sheperd. What are you, five years old? You should be out of the age of dreams and nightmares… There are no ghosts around… just hot angels"

Dunn smirked and turned the phone towards Derek, showing him another of Meredith's picture.

"Where did you take this one?"

"I don't remember"

"Don't talk me off, Sheperd. It's just a nice pick of your girlfriend showing you her tongue. Nothing dangerous I'd say"

"We were at Joe's" Cristina answered for Derek, she remembered vividly that evening.

"Oh… the bar which provided me the key to freedom… Cheers to Joe then. What were you celebrating?"

"Meredith's first solo"

"And what would that be? Did she sing or dance?"

"It was her fist surgery all by herself"

"Wow… nice. You surgeons value these things. I guess it was the same thing I did after I killed the first of those women…" He looked to the Meredith smiling and pouting on the screen "she looks a lot to Trish, you know. The same hair, the same smile, the same fragility. That's why I chose her… she was pure and I wanted her. I gave her freedom from this world of pain and doom. And she got mine. So I went to a pub across the street and I ordered a double whisky, one for me and one for her. This was my celebration… But I had nobody to toast with me and it was a little bit sad. So the day after I chose other two and did the same. And drank to their new found health. It was the last time though, the third day I got arrested after I took Jane in my hot club, I couldn't drink anymore. I would have liked to have memories like this… but in jail you can't keep anything with you. No photos, no books. I felt incredibly lonely. Have you ever felt lonely?"

Both Cristina and Derek kept silent, they were trying to recover from William's blood curling story. She had already heard it, in his room, but it was always impressing how he could dissociate from his actions.

"Have you ever felt lonely?"

"We all feel lonely at some point" Derek whispered.

"And how is it? How is it that people of success are sent to the borders of society?"

"We are not. We feel border line with our family and people we love. Society never pushes us aside. Unless we do horrible things"

"Like I did… that's what you're saying?" William closed his arms in front of his chest "Well… it's not like I can blame you. I mean… who wants a serial killer living next door? It's better you clean your conscience and send us to rot in jail… But how is it that a lot of people found me hot… found people like me appealing? Maybe it's just because I have the courage to do what many just dream all their lives… I don't hide behind fears and sense of morality. I just do what I want to do. Have you ever thought of hurting someone on purpose, dr. Yang?"

"No"

"Oh come on… you can tell me. People who threw monkeys in the works, people who humiliated you… If nobody ever got to know… would you have never solved problems picking up a knife and getting justice on your own?"

"No"

"It's easy to say this… I really think you're just an hypocrite… You play the good and respectful girl but in the right situation… you'd pull a trigger, I promise. And dr. Sheperd would do it too. If he found face to face with the guy who shot his father, he'd give tit for tat"

"I wouldn't"

"His life for yours… I bet you'd do it. That's what I did too. My father's for mine… it didn't take a long time to decide to slaughter him. Survival is a great leverage to primordial instincts"

"Instincts are just for beasts. Whoever states differently… it's because he can't get the difference"

Cristina saw William's face darkening at Derek's assessment.

"Pretty nasty, Sheperd. But maybe you're right. Welcome to the jungle"

* * *

"I thought we had a deal, Falks"

"And we do. But the operations are still going on, the situation is far from being solved and I need to protect the hostages by now"

"You scratched all the questions I prepared for you"

"I told you from the very beginning I wasn't going to reveal the identities of people involved"

"We agreed an exclusive"

"And it's what I'm giving you. But I won't compromise the chances of those doctors just to give you a prize, Wills. Now, if you have done complaining, we can start. I have a job to go back to, a very important one"

The journalist snorted and walked to a small stage his staff had organized.

"Just sit there. Webber, on the other side. And I warn you, Falks. Don't fool me. I didn't come here to look like a moron"

"This is information. You won't make stupid questions, I won't let you look like an ass"

He sat in the chair they had arranged for him and Richard did too. He had led a lot of conferences and public occasions but never like now he felt out of place and nervous. A technician counted down from three and lights went on simultaneously, almost blinding Richard. A jingle filled the silence and when the music was over, Wills started to speak.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is Wills airing from Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital where a dramatic situation is going on from yesterday afternoon. William Dunn, the all over known serial killer who marked the history of this city in the late 90s, has lengthened the long list of his crimes. Admitted for an accident occurred in his jail, four days before the date of his execution, he has somehow succeeded in breaking the strict supervision he was subjected, he killed the guards and has taken two doctors hostages. We don't know their fate yet but the rescue operations are still going on and it's my pleasure to introduce you our exclusive guests… Mr Andrew Falks, Chief of Caldwell and person responsible of his detention and execution and dr. Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery of the Hospital, whose surgeons are kept prisoners by Dunn"

Richard's ears closed. He realized Wills was still speaking but he wasn't registering and getting any of his words. Everything was a blur. The bubble had exploded and he hoped nobody would ask him any question.

* * *

Mark was pacing in the attending lounge nervously. Despite the good intentions and proposals, he had been staring to his phone all the time without been able to make the damned call. He had tried to organize a mental speech dozens of times but nothing looked suitable and good enough. Like there was a good way to drop a bomb like this one.

He sank on the bench and finally took all his courage and dialed Mrs. Sheperd's number. The line sounded free and he pressed the receiver to his ear.

One ring…. Two… three. He started to hope nobody would answer but then it happened.

"Hallo?"

A female voice sounded from the other side of the line. But it wasn't Mrs. Sheperd's one. Mark had to check his cell to verify he hadn't called the wrong person. As he was sure the voice ringing in his ears belonged to nobody else but Addison.

"Hallo?" she repeated her greeting again, surprised nobody was talking to her.

"Addi?"

Silence arrived from the other side, apparently the surprise was mutual.

"Mark?"

"Yeah… it's me. Why are you answering Caroline's phone?"

"As she's here somewhere…"

"Somewhere where?"

"In L.A., you genius. She came to see Amelia after her nice journey in Seattle. And she's entertaining us about the great news of your life" Addison giggled and Mark breathed out "So this thing with Lexie Grey… it looks like a serious one…"

"I didn't call for this, Addi. I really need to speak to Caroline right now"

"Ok… just hold on. I'm going to find her" Mark could hear Addison walking around "Anyway you don't need to be so harsh. I still care about you and I'm happy you found the right person"

"I know…"

"Here she is"

"Addi?"

"I give her the phone, wait a second"

"Just wait…"

"You treated me like crap, Mark. But don't worry, I'll survive"

"Just stay with her"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't leave Caroline alone…"

"What are you saying?"

"You'll know even too early, Addi. Just let me talk to her now"

Addison frowned and handled the receiver to her ex mother in law. The woman read astonishment on her face.

"What?"

"It's Mark… He's talking nonsense"

Caroline took the receiver smiling.

"Well… it wouldn't be Mark Sloan if he didn't talk nonsense"

"Mrs. Sheperd…"

"I didn't think my threats would turn out to be so useful. I told you to call more often but… seriously… it's been three days, Mark"

"I needed to tell you something… and I think it's better you take a sit, Caroline"

The smile on the woman's face disappeared and she sensed the discomfort in Mark's voice.

"Mark… what's going on?" Even Amelia and Addison stopped talking and looked to Mrs. Sheperd worried. Caroline heard Mark breathing into the phone. "Mark… you're giving me a heart attack here… Just talk"

"It's Derek"

"What does it mean it's Derek?"

"There's a situation going on here…" it was Mark's turn to listen to the pacing breathing of her putative mother "and Derek is involved"

"What does this mean? Did he get hurt?"

"I…. I don't know"

Mrs. Sheperd started to sob and pressed a hand to her heart. This conversation, the doubts, not knowing what was going on with her son were messing up with her pressure. She closed her eyes and Addison took the chance to take the receiver out of her hand. Amelia hurried to sit near her mother, trying to calm her.

"Mark… what the hell is going on? Do you want to give her a heart attack?"

"I'm sorry, Addi but… I just don't know how to say it to any of you"

"Say what?"

"Derek is kept hostage. It's been hours now"

"What the hell are you talking about? Hostage? By who?"

"He was treating a serial killer… with Meredith and Yang and… I don't know how it could happen but… he took them and… I think it's better you come here as soon as possible"

"We'll be on the first flight, Mark. Just keep us updated, ok?"

"Of course. I'm sorry, Addi"

The line fell and Addison kept the receiver close to her ear for some second more. She took an eye to her mother in law who was looking at her with wide, fearful eyes. Amelia had succeeded to slow down her breathing at least. But there was no way she wouldn't freak out getting to know all the truth.

"Addison… just say it, please. Is it that man… the patient he was treating?"

Addison nodded weakly and Mrs. Sheperd melt down in tears again. The door opened and Naomi took a glance inside. Her face fell when she noticed the despair in the room.

"Oh my God…"

"What?"

"Something is going on in Seattle… you should turn on the tv. But you already know it, don't you?"

Addison stood up, she hated to add pressure and worry but the need to know was bigger now. She pressed the remote controller and tuned on CNN. They were airing a special edition from Seattle Grace and Webber's face was occupying half screen. His expression was enough to destroy the last hint of hope and self-control she was keeping.

* * *

Adele was adjusting the remains of her lunch into the fridge. Their lunch to tell the truth. She had spent the whole morning cooking Richard's favorite course and, for the second time in a row, he hadn't showed up. And even bothered to call. It was frustrating and annoying at the same time. Something was going on with him. He was acting in the same way he did when he had an affair with Ellis Grey. He was sneaky and elusive, he avoided eye contact and tried to minimize the time they spent together. She snorted thinking it was time to put her foot down and settle some simple and minimal rule of cohabitation. He was a man in career, she knew that, he loved his work, she knew that too. But this didn't mean he could ignore or and not care about her. They had readjusted their marriage but it was not an obligation. It had been a free choice and Adele wanted the attentions and all what having a husband implied. The thrust of her free thinking led her to slam the shutters of her Victorian kitchen, she took a look around and realized everything was in perfect order. She washed her hands and were drying it when the phone started to ring.

She left the towel on the table and answered.

"Hallo?" A wide smile spread on her face recognizing her interlocutor "Hi, Susan… how are you? I'm fine, thank you. I went to see Richard yesterday and I scolded him. He completely forgot about our dinner and I had him promise to call you and Paul. I give he did it" a frown appeared on her face listening to her friend's voice "He didn't? This time I'm gonna kill him for good. I just… What does it mean everything which is going on? What's going on?" Her mouth opened in shock and she looked frantically for the remote. She couldn't find it so she just approached the tv and turned it on manually. The subtitles were enough to reveal her the great picture, to explain her why Richard had been acting so weird since yesterday, why he had a full truck of cops in his office, why he had so carelessly forgotten about their dinner. Something utterly bad was going on within the hospital and she hadn't had the sensitivity to get it. "I'm gonna call you later, Susan, excuse me" she dismissed her interlocutor and picked up her purse heading to Seattle Grace.

* * *

"Mrs. Yang?" Owen was sitting in an empty and dark conference room. Outside there was a surreal atmosphere. The department was unbelievably calm, there were no nurses and doctors on the floor, what was supposed to burst of energy and activity was still and mute and Hunt was using that place as private den. Cristina's mother had answered at the third trial. Her voice merged from noises and hustle.

"Yes, it's me. Who's that?"

"I'm Owen… Owen Hunt"

Silence stretched from the other side of the line.

"Well, Mr. Hunt. If you want to sell me something, you're losing your time. And mine too"

"I'm not a seller… I'm a doctor at Seattle Grace"

"My daughter works there…"

"I'm Cristina's…." he swallowed trying to utter the best definition "I'm her friend indeed"

"She has never told me about you but…. It's not she talks me of everything so… what can I do for you, mr. Hunt? I don't want to be rude but… you're interrupting my tea time"

In other moments, Owen would have laughed. This woman sounded so similar to Cristina… But his heart clenched thinking that Mrs. Yang's tea time was going to be wasted irreparably.

"I… I think you should come here"

"Excuse me?"

"You should come here, Mrs. Yang. Cristina is going to need you"

"I'm sorry but… I don't understand. Did she ask you to call me?"

"No, she didn't"

"So what is this about? With all due respect I don't either know who you are"

"I am her friend and…"

"And she is not in kindergarten anymore. If she needs something she could at least pick up the damned phone and call me"

"She can't… Mrs. Yang… I don't know you and you don't know me, I get that. But it took me all my courage to call you and introduce myself. Especially to ask you this. It's a very important thing… your daughter is in danger and your place now is here"

"Why would she be in danger?"

Owen sensed a panicked tone in the woman's voice. He had lost touch and been too harsh. He needed to cool down and try to be rational, explain her without freaking her out.

"As we have a pretty hard situation going on. Cristina asked me to keep you out but… I didn't feel to do it. You should flight here"

"Is this a joke?"

Hunt sighed realizing the woman from the other side of the line was crying. The shakes of her voice were clearly detectable.

"I'd never joke on something like this… I'd never joke on her"

His voice trembled too and Owen swallowed. Feelings had taken the control of the phone call and Owen quickly realized why. The woman he loved was in danger and he was there, hidden in a corner to deliver the news to his possible mother in law, a person he didn't know and had never felt the need to know. This was the unmistakable sign of his involvement and he was sure that mrs. Yang, being her daughter's mother, had already understood he was more than a friend.

"Ok… I'll be on the first flight"

The line fell and Owen switched the cell off.

Even if he knew it was the right thing to do, he wasn't feeling any better.

* * *

"Who's Katherine?"

Derek could hear his cell vibrating from the spot he was sitting and a feeling of pure dread clenched his heart. William was staring at the screen curiously, waiting for his answer. Only he couldn't tell him the truth. He voiced the first thing which popped in his brain.

"She's a colleague"

"Uhm… uhm… why is she so obstinate in calling you?"

"We had to arrange a surgery together…"

"Oh… so you think Webber didn't inform your coworkers you're not available at the moment?"

Dunn quirked a brow at him and Sheperd realized his explanation wasn't very effectual, he needed something more plausible to take William off his family.

"She doesn't work here. She lives in Boston and is a surgeon in Mass Gen. I had to flight over for a consult"

Dunn pressed a button and the vibration ended. Derek took a breath of relief realizing he had refused the call.

"She can wait then…"

A jingle filled the room. A text had been downloaded onto the phone. William's eyes focused on the screen again and he giggled.

"But I guess this can't"

* * *

I left you with a little cliffhanger... Nothing compared to what is waiting for you in next one.

I hope to hear from you soon, let me read your ideas!


	19. ILLUSIONS

Hey!

Before you read this, I'd like to point out something.

Some chapter ago I changed the rating to M and it had a meaning. I'm sorry if someone is bothered by the violence and toughness of this story, but it's about a serial killer taking hostages so... if someone expected Dunn would offer Derek and Cristina some tea, I'm sorry they're decieved now.

This is a new chapter and it will add new angst.

Before leaving you with bated breath.

* * *

Richard was feeling like a hunted thief. He was walking quickly towards the hospital entrance, a bunch of cobs making cordons around them to keep the journalists under control.

After the press conference, they had unleashed their destructive power everywhere. The hospital was surrounded and the safety was having a big trouble to keep free lancers out.

Webber was making his best to arrive to the doors without snapping. Flashes and microphones were splayed in front of him and people were shouting questions and making assumptions. He was almost blinded by all the lights and he thanked God he had someone to open his way.

Everyone was calling his name and he was having great troubles in following Falks and the group of people who were going back into the hospital.

Suddenly a female voice merged from the mass and he stopped, looking around.

He shielded his eyes with one hand, trying to protect his irises from the stimulations photographers were investing him with and trying to soften the effect of the headlights.

He looked around trying to find the source of the voice or the voice itself. He was so tired that he couldn't rule out to be dreaming right now. Falks stopped and went back to drag him in.

"Webber… what are you doing?"

"I thought…"

He looked around again and sighed finding anything he was looking for. Falks was looking at him quizzically and he breathed out.

"I'm sorry… I thought I heard someone calling me"

"Half city is calling you. Let's go know"

He gripped his sleeve and pulled him towards the entrance like a lost kid. But Webber stopped when he heard the voice again. Falks turned around out of patience.

"What now?"

"It's my wife"

Through the walls of people crowding against the barriers Richard had finally spotted Adele.

"We have no time for this now, Webber"

"I'm not gonna leave her here"

He pulled freeing his arm from Falks' grip, the officer snorted and called one of his men.

"Where is she?"

Richard lifted on tip toe till he saw her again, pressed between people and cameras. He pointed to her direction and Falks' man headed in that direction immediately, breaking the multitude and allowing her to arrive in the free zone. Richard met her taking her hand and sighing, worried for the stress she had just experienced.

"Are you ok?"

Adele looked out of breath and a little disheveled. She passed her hand in her hair to adjust it and checked her dress and bag. Everything was still at its place.

"Yeah… I didn't think I would find this… Is it so bad?"

Her eyes met Richard's and he looked away. Adele had a rare power on him. She destroyed his defenses and courage, she made him feel like he was a kid, in need of protection and intimacy. He couldn't lie to her and he didn't want to, only this place didn't look suitable to break down and open his heart, to let his fears and worries pour out. He squeezed her hand realizing Falks was waiting for them.

"Not here. Let's go in"

He gave her way to protect her from flashes and yells, a hand resting protectively on her shoulder. They finally reached the doors and noises died outside the soundproof windows. Richard took a breath of relief and Falks stopped, raking a hand in his hair.

"Webber… I'm going upstairs"

"I'm coming too" he made a step forward but Falks blocked his way, his eyes resting meaningfully on Adele. "She's my wife and she's going to wait with my staff"

"With all due respect, I don't think it's a good idea, Richard. We're waiting for families and we need to arrange their transfer to spare them this mess"

Adele hesitated seeing the tension between her husband and this man. She didn't know him but he had to be an authority and her last purpose was to cause problems. She wanted to know what was going on and talk to Richard privately but she didn't want to raise a diplomatic incident. She touched her husband's arm to call his attention.

"Richard…"

He sensed what she was going to say and shook his head.

"No. She's family too and she can even help in this. She's gonna come with us"

Falks cashed even this defeat sighing. He sensed it was something Webber wouldn't bail on so it was pointless to lose time and resources on it.

"Let's go then"

The group headed to the elevator and they all stepped in.

Despite she had promised not to bother or annoy anyone, Adele needed to know what was going on. She squeezed her husband's hand.

"What's going on, Richard?"

He avoided her stare and she squeezed his fingers again.

"The tv said there's a serial killer barricaded in the hospital… is it true?"

"Yes"

She waited for more but it didn't come. Her patience ended and she snorted.

"I've come here yesterday night and you saddled me with a stupid story about budget reports and financial meetings and I drank it. I had to go home and discover from Susan that you blatantly lied straight to my face and that there's a crazy man locked up somewhere in here. I took the bother to take my car and drive here just to be crushed by a horde of journalists and jackals… and you're seriously not going to tell me anything?"

"Adele…"

"Is he locked in your department?"

"Yes"

Adele saw something change in Richard's eyes and she feared to utter the following question.

"Did he take some of your doctors hostage?"

Richard breathed out looking for a way out, he didn't see anyone.

"Yes"

"Someone I know?"

"Yes…"

"Give me a name for Christ's sake…"

Richard sensed Falks's eyes on him, he could feel his comprehension and closeness right now. He swallowed trying to find the best way to tell this to his wife.

"It's complicated"

"It's not"

They locked eyes for a second and Richard lowered his eyes. Adele had succeeded in breaking his self-control once again. He felt tears moistening his fingertips and tried to collect himself. Someone touched his arm and he swallowed looking up.

"It's Derek now… and Yang… Cristina"

"Oh my God"

* * *

"When I think they're boring… they raise"

William giggled reading the text shining on Derek's phone. He found this turn stimulating… interesting and almost funny. He looked up and smiled seeing astonishment and doubt on his guests' faces. Obviously they didn't know what the message was about, but they knew of course this was going to happen. Which enervated him. Sheperd had enjoyed ten minutes of freedom outside and surely Falks had informed him about strategies and their upcoming tasks, Yang had been on the phone with Trent or someone else and she had to know too.

They had been very quiet after the little freedom they had enjoyed. They had talked, taken a nap… Very bucolic. They deserved to stay in a stew and if they wanted to play poker with him, he was a better cheat.

He went back sitting on his chair, savoring the curious look dr. Yang was giving him… he wanted to leave them suffering. And they had to be grateful as, for now, all he really wanted was to kill them.

Dr. Yang looked like a sphinx. Even during his hospitalization, contributing factor the fight she was living with her buddy Grey, she had stood out for hiding her feelings, her emotions. She acted like nothing mattered to her, like everything was a plot to star in. This experience had shaken her, she had lost her self-confidence, showed him a lot of weaknesses and proved what he had always thought about women: they were inferior beings, weak and fragile and breakable. The threat of a physical offense was enough to deflate them and their stupid arrogance, their pride and the claim to be what they had never been meant to be: leaders and heroines. There had been nothing heroic in the way doctor Yang had acted in this room; she had stood up to defense Grey a couple of times, but every time Dunn had turned violent to Sheperd, she had just rolled into a corner and waited for him to stop. So good of a heroin. Something the world needed to know.

Which led to his favorite neuro surgeon.

What had just arrived to his ear… or eye to stick to current events, gave him the chance to open the field, to enlarge his game.

William was very curious to know what Derek had revealed during his walk out. He was sure his posture and demeanor had been more eloquent than him, but his task was to have him talk. As talking and sharing was what really bothered him.

Apparently he had given for granted to be maltreated. Bit me but don't question me. Maybe doing the both in the same time would be really amazing… Dunn felt a shiver at the mere thought. But he had learnt he had to wait to get the better satisfactions.

The knowledge the press was informed about his rebellion was exiting.

This shifted every balance they had achieved and respected till that moment, it had pros and cons which deserved to be valued. The visibility the press was going to give to this situation would tie Falks' hands a little more; if he had managed things by himself, with indipendence and authority, now many people were going to be dragged in this, to say their opinion, to suggest their own measures. They could be peaceful or violent, but, out of discussion, a lot of heads to keep together. As nobody would take the responsibility at this point to make something which could end up splaying blood. Or they would take that decision bouncing the responsibility like on a tennis court.

This depended on him now.

William was sure this was the moment to overdo, to raise his voice.

It was the moment to let them know he wasn't so out of the world like they had supposed and perhaps hoped. It was the moment to give them a foretaste of what he was capable of doing, nothing tragic but of great impact.

As having other doctors in the room Falks had settled his head quarter had dragged emotions and emotionality in this mess. Falks was much more weak and cautious as he had to safeguard even those people. Hearing Dunn ripping off someone with his own hands wouldn't be something they would recover from and William was really aware of this. It was a fact that had always played in his hands, something unexpected from a certain point of view.

From what he knew, cobs didn't involve civilians in rescue operations, especially if they were bound by personal relationships with the hostages. Their presence could be disturbing and destabilizing and Dunn was sure this had been the case too.

Falks wouldn't dare to challenge him openly with Webber and all the others present, he wouldn't dare to give him an ultimatum or anything. And by now William was pretty positive they had sensed this situation hadn't been so casual after all. So Caldwell's boss was in a really awkward position, between the devil and the deep blue sea. He had the hospital management breathing on his neck and he didn't know who he could trust among his men. The poor Andrew really needed some help and comfort but he won't get it from his side.

Webber…

William had achieved everything while talking with him. He wasn't neither a man of justice nor a shrink, he had a rich, soothing voice and Dunn could read everything through it.

With Trent it had been more difficult, conversations had turned into negotiations and William had measured each word, each thought.

It was doctor Webber the key to break the bank. He needed to use his relationship with Sheperd and, to do this, he needed to know something more about it and about him.

"What's your deal with dr. Webber?'"

William looked straight into Derek's eyes, relaxing on the chair, his voice sounded conversational and casual. But neither this topic looked congenial to Sheperd, who just kept staring at him without talking.

* * *

After the hard core phone call to Mrs. Sheperd, Mark had retired into the attending lounge, locked into the attending lounge to tell the truth.

For the first time he had felt the need to stay by himself, to cool down, to settle.

The late hours had been a rollercoaster and he had experienced different stages: from disbelief to despair, from resignation to worry, from rage to wisdom. And lately, from accuser he had turned into soother. First of all of himself.

Looking Derek straight into the eye after hearing Dunn uttering those words, seeing the resolution forming on his face, standing in that corridor and seeing him going away had been torture. He hadn't had a chance to say something to him even if he had tried an approach, first while he was leaving the Chief's office, then when Mark knew he was somewhere downstairs, in the locker room, protected by two body guards outside.

He felt this emptiness… this silence, he felt to have failed… like friend, he had failed. And all along these years he had never had the nerve to admit it, to apologize, to make amend. He had just forgotten, set the problems behind his back and pretended everything was fine. The truth was that anything was fine, he had lost points with Derek, thousands of points. And the realization he couldn't have a chance to see him again, to say to him what he wanted to say, was unbearable.

It was like a haze, like a fog invading his brain.

Breaking the news to Derek's family had suddenly dissipated this state.

Their arrival would be difficult to manage, it was expected to bring more drama and a load of emotions difficult to bear and silence. And then there was Meredith, a person they all had to forget by now as she was completely lost.

Mark really felt for her and it was not because the old membership to the dirty mistress club, it was not even because of Lexie, it was a sense of solidarity and understanding. She had met a few pieces of the Sheperd family and, to tell the truth, the encounters hadn't gone that good. But if Nancy had come back home tearing her next sister in law to bits, Mrs. Sheperd had been favorably impressed by her. So impressed she had given Derek her ring to cross the bridge: from the old Sheperd to the new ones. Only Sloan hadn't felt to use this argument before in Webber's office. This wasn't of course the way to tell Meredith her mother in law didn't hate her, this wasn't the way and he wasn't the person to inform her about the ring and, eventually, the marriage proposal coming, especially not now.

He sighed pinching his nose, he had to go back but it felt bad, it felt wrong.

Suddenly the door shook, he heard someone trying to get in.

"It's closed"

His harsh voice stopped the trials of the person outside. The noise ceased and he heard a familiar, feminine voice.

"Mark? Is that you inside?"

"Yes, it's me Torres. Just leave"

"Why are you locked up in there? Are you fine?"

"I just wanted some time alone so… leave"

"Mark…"

"Leave!"

There was something definitive in his voice and Callie got it was useless to insist. She rolled her eyes and walked away, stopping almost immediately when she found face to face with Hunt. She swallowed taking in his aspect. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, it didn't take much to get he had cried and Callie wished she could tell him something good, something reassuring. But nothing came to her brain and she just shrugged his arm.

"Hey…"

"Hey…"

"I… I just don't know what to tell you so… I just tell you that we're all by your side and… if there's anything I can do… just ask for it… I know we're not that close but… I'm here…"

"Thank you, Callie. It means a lot to me… really. Just… by now all I want is get in there and stay a bit by myself…"

"Oh…" she turned around and stared to the attending lounge, whose door was still closed. Owen tried to walk past her but she stopped him moving aside. Owen frowned and Callie sighed. "It's just that Mark has locked up in there and… he's not going to open the damned door. I tried to convince him but… he just sent me away"

Owen sighed and, to Torres' surprise, walked past her and tried to open the door of their locker room. She heard the hinges whining under his abuse and Mark's muffled voice coming from the room.

"Sloan… it's me. Open please"

Callie thought Mark was going to reject Owen's assault too, but to her surprise, the door opened and closed quickly swallowing the two male doctors inside.

Apparently there was something Owen could be more helpful with… he could understand better… be more sympathetic. She really hoped they could help each other as they both looked like they needed it. She hadn't been accepted in that room, she wasn't in the material possibility to give a word or support, the least she could do was to protect their privacy and let them talk till they wanted. She walked to the door and leant on it, guarding the entrance like a sentinel.

She produced an i-pod from her labcoat and turned it on. She didn't want to listen to music, but she didn't want to accidentally overhear what her colleagues were saying inside.

* * *

"You can't stay with me in my office, Adele"

"I know. I'll be wait here with the others. Can we just have five minutes in private, please?"

Adele eyed her husband pleadingly, taking in Falks and his large staff hanging out. They had reached the floor, crossed the catwalk and got to Webber's office without bother and Richard had hoped the questions were over by now. But apparently he had been too optimistic thinking Adele would let things fall forgotten. She wanted more answers, she wanted more information, she wanted him to say out loud the truth he was so hardly trying to refuse and keep hidden. But his wife was a stubborn woman and, above all, she could read him too well and get his worries.

The Chief nodded and took his wife's hand, dragging her in an empty and dark show room.

"I just have two minutes, Adele"

"How are you?"

She got closer and stroke his cheek tenderly, in a way she hadn't done in months… Richard felt this affection destroying his last energies and tried to resist the urge to spill out his real feelings.

"I'm trying not to think about it, Adele"

"You should. You're exhausted, Richard. You should take a couple of hours to rest… leave the lead to someone else"

"This thing is too messed up to go and take a nap… I need to check on Falks and be in there. I need to be in there"

"Even if it's scaring you… isn't it?"

Webber looked away, words bubbled up in his throat but he sent them back in the pit of his stomach.

"Adele… I really need to go now"

He tried to walk past her but she took his arm and stopped him. He breathed out stroking his eyes, he realized she wouldn't let him leave until he hadn't told her everything. This wasn't negotiable. He cleared his throat and took her hand.

"Of course I'm scared. I had to listen to awful things and I'm deadly worried for Derek…"

"And Cristina… right?"

Webber sighed, of course he was worried for Yang too, but in a different way, a way he was sure he wouldn't be able to explain her.

"Of course… I just… you're right. I'm tired"

He sat on a chair closing his eyes and reopened them when a warm hand touched his. Adele was sitting right in front of him.

"What is it that you won't tell me?"

"Nothing… this situation… is really much to take and I…"

"You wouldn't hide me anything, right?"

Richard sighed diverting his eyes and for his wife it meant more than an admission. She snorted to fight the lump in her throat, worry was killing her and she couldn't imagine the drama Richard had lived and was living. She knew the special bound he had with Derek and Meredith, she knew he wouldn't survive if something happened to him in his hospital, she knew him well enough to be sure something had already happened. And the fact that Richard was beating around the bush meant it was very bad. She took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge.

"Richard… I know what this hospital means to you, I know what your doctors mean to you. And I also know that Meredith and Derek are not just doctors… they're kind of family. And even if I like Meredith, I can't tell she's for me too. But Derek… you know he owns a special spot in my heart, you know I love him like the son we never had and you do too. So now… look me in the eyes and tell me what's wrong with him… as I know something is and don't even try to deny it"

She squeezed his hand when she had no answer.

"Richard…"

"Derek is hurt and I didn't say anything to Meredith" he raised his eyes and met his wife's horrified face. It was enough to focus on the table again. He couldn't watch her expression as he would figure Meredith's face in front of him. The guilt he had tried to silence in the last hour screamed inside his chest and he stood, pacing in the room. "I didn't say anything as Falks convinced me it was the best thing and Derek asked me the same thing but… I just can't look at her in the eyes and pretend everything is fine… I can't anymore"

He turned on his heels when he sensed a hand on his shoulder. His wife's deep eyes were locked with his and he looked away again.

"I was so worried for Meredith and Cristina that I didn't think what this could mean… I didn't value all the problem and now it could be too late"

"We're gonna get them out of there, Richard. Derek is strong… I know this experience could break anyone and I know you think he's fragile and broken… but he's a fighter… and he's too stubborn to give up"

"That's right the point, Adele. He'll never give up"

She opened her mouth to argue back but the door opened and Falks interrupted them.

"I'm sorry but we really need to go now"

Richard nodded and gave her wife a little smile.

"I'm sorry I had to lie to you"

"It's fine. Go now. I'll be here if you need me"

* * *

"Come on, Sheperd. I'm just curious and it's a pretty innocent thing"

"Nothing you do is innocent"

William chuckled, the surgeon was hesitant in answering his question, he had sensed he was plotting something. Dunn was fascinated by Derek's ability to read his mind, comprehend his intentions. This was why he was so sure they were not that different after all. Only twisted minds understood each other… he wondered if he had suspected his final intentions. He had made up a good plan, it wasn't the best outcome he had hoped for but, finally, he had achieved a lot of things in that room. And still he had a lot of stuff to demonstrate an dr. Sheperd was going to be the involuntarily puppet of his experiment. Only not yet. There was a little bit of road ahead and William needed to get some information to experience some fun with Webber later.

"I'm just asking about your boss… he looks to care a lot about you all"

"He does"

"I didn't think he would… not like this at least. He was very caring with you before. And you were too. You didn't show him anything and I was wondering why you acted like that"

"There was nothing I needed to show him"

"As you didn't want him to know you're hurt. Why?"

Derek looked down to his knees. The answer to this one was pretty difficult as it mixed a lot of things. Meredith, Richard, his stupid pride. All things he didn't want to share with Dunn. Only he seemed to know already and he was pressing him. Once again Derek felt in a blind alley and sighed looking up.

"What do you think, Yang? Why was he so reticent to your boss?"

Even Cristina kept silent and William giggled.

"Well… it looks like you want to let me guess again. Let's see… You kept your mouth shut as you didn't want this news to arrive to your little girlfriend. Poor Dr. Grey… she'd go insane knowing you're all beaten up… What do you say, Sheperd? I could even call her… she'd rush down here if I told her you're spitting up blood… pleading for her…"

Derek shifted uncomfortable on the floor, his skin had erupted in goose bumps hearing Dunn's threat. He would do that… he would call Meredith just to torture her with guilt and remorse. Sheperd's eyes focused on William's fingers which were playing with the cell, Dunn instead was piercing the doctor's face. He was devouring his demeanor and had already detected signs of doubt and weakness. He chuckled bringing the receiver to his ear.

"Let's do it"

"Stop it" Derek hissed through gritted teeth but his voice came out trembling. William acknowledged his surrender and smiled, putting the phone back on his thigh.

"Ok, doc… now I know you don't want Meredith to know about your state and I'll give up the idea to call her… for now. Let's just go back to our mental exercise. You didn't tell Webber I broke you as this messes up with your self-made idea of yourself. It was your pride who sealed your lips… apparently I hurt you more than I thought… I humiliated you… I made you feel like a useless piece of trash and it's right what the others would think too if they knew" William took a sharp breath and locked eyes with Derek "I know the feeling, Sheperd. I've been feeling the same all these years in jail… it's stunning how few it takes to destroy our being… our courage… our dignity. That's what I did to you, isn't it?"

Derek took a deep breath and diverted his eyes, he couldn't brace himself to admit it loud. But William knew, Derek knew he knew. And for now it was enough.

"Well… it was the purpose… I don't need you to tell it loud. I can read it on your face, I could get it before. I worked you up and you spent your last energies to stand straight and act like nothing had happened. But it did happen. And it's kind of stupid that you, out of all people, being a doctor, pretend to be fine while you could be dying… in this very moment. I was tough before… I had to… and looking at you just fills me up with joy and satisfaction. How much does it hurt, doc? I know dr. Grey and you have a personal method to measure discomfort… on a scale from one to ten… how bad is it?"

Despite his wish to stay unflappable and close Dunn's insinuations outside, Derek flinched hearing him using one of their says. Apart from his father's history, apparently Meredith had talked of other stuff. Derek knew she hadn't meant to break their privacy but just to entertain a patient, only Dunn wasn't a patient like others and now he was using all this information to inch a sword into his heart, little by little. He shifted uncomfortably on the floor and this time the bother was not emotional, but physical. Sitting on the hard concrete was breaking his back, his ribs were bearable when he was completely still and possibly silent, his chest burned and, despite his medical skills, Derek didn't know if it was just a symptom of nervousness or the result of the previous abuses. His wrist was a continuous throb when it wasn't numb. And the numbness had spread up to his elbow, sign that the blood circulation had been affected. And when he was forced to think about this all, everything hurt twice as much. By now it was a seven… close to eight…

"Sheperd…" William's patronizing voice reached him and Derek knew he had to go through this game again.

"Six"

William arched his brows grinning.

"Six? That's it? I was expecting an eight at least… It means I have some space left with you… from six to eight there a lot of things we can do… but now I don't feel for action. I happen to remember I was asking you about dr. Webber… For how long do you know each other?"

"Fifteen years… more or less"

"Really? So you already knew him when your father died?"

"Yes"

Cristina turned to look at him. Now it all made sense. She had always been curious about Derek's relationship with the chief, it was something deeper than work related but really complicated, something like father and son but … messy. Probably Webber had helped Derek after his father's death, he had to be already an intern when it happened. His career had escalated and Richard had kept in touch even after leaving New York, he had meant to make Sheperd his heir here in Seattle. Only there was something painful in what Derek was remembering and saying, she could detect it in his voice and Dunn had too. He kept going like nothing mattered.

"Was he his doctor?"

"No"

"As he died on the spot. But he was the doctor who tried to resuscitate him once you took your head out of your ass and called 911… Wasn't he?"

"Yes"

Cristina looked away, she couldn't stand to hear Derek so defeated and defenseless against William. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. In this moment she realized their relationship was going to change inevitably after this… she had learnt stuff about his past she hadn't wanted to know, he had been forced to say things he didn't want her to listen to. Their worlds had mixed and collided in an unnatural way and it would be difficult to act normally around each other once out of here.

"So I think it's time I redo the previous question. What's your deal with him? He raised you at your father's place?"

"I didn't need a stepfather. But Richard was an important support"

"He helped you personally and taught you professionally… a really good support. And how did you both end up here?"

"For work… Webber was offered Chief and took it. And then he offered me a job and I came here"

"So you doctors are tourists for job… I didn't expect it. And why did he choose you?"

"I happen to be good"

"How good? Like you're the best?"

"I could be in the list for that"

"How humble from you… so I should thank dr. Webber as he gave me the best possible care… I'll do it next time I'll talk to him. Actually… it's going to happen soon. You know… something happened in the late minutes… and I guess you both know about it"

Cristina and Derek shared a quick look, William read it like an admission.

"You see? You don't need to play so secretly… I know it"

"What are you talking about?"

"Doc… doc… doc… don't play with fire. You'll know very early what I'm talking about. And I'll show you that you just fool yourself if you think you can hide something from me"

* * *

"I've just introduced myself to Cristina's mother in the worst possible way… I had never thought of talking with her… getting to know her. Cristina and I… we are just at the beginning and the possible mother in law had never entered my mind. I had to pick up the phone and call her and tell her to come here" Owen breathed out stroking his eyes tiredly "I should be trained to deliver bad news but… I was out of words this time"

"I know the feeling" Mark sipped some water from a plastic bottle and then threw it away. He shared a quick look with Owen, they were both sitting on the floor, their backs resting against the lockers "Mrs. Sheperd came here a week ago and it was a long time I didn't see her… the week before I left New York to come here I guess" Hunt didn't stop him and Sloan went on with his rambling "It was like time had never passed. She bickered me, gave me advice…"

"I met her too. She looked like a very compassionate, strong woman. And she got my problems just looking at me…"

"So typical from her. She's my mother, you know? I grew up in her house… Derek brought me home one night and I never left… even if I messed up in all possible ways. She never asked me to leave, she never yelled at me… Even after Addison… she just gave me her look… and I got I had screwed up… She considers me like one of her kids and what I had to do was just…" Mark breathed out closing his eyes, the memories of the previous phone call still lingering in his ears. He stood and started to pace in the room.

"Mark…"

"She asked me to keep an eye on him… with Dunn. She perceived this case… this man was getting to him and she asked me to be by his side. And before I had the time to do it… everything screwed up"

"You couldn't imagine what was going to happen"

"But I saw how he was worried and stressed by this. Derek and I… we have never talked about what happened fifteen years ago. I thought he didn't want to… But I saw his look in the last days… it was right the same… and now he's in there and you're hiding something from me and I'm just going crazy"

Mark turned to look to Hunt and saw the guilt painted on his face, he swallowed looking away.

"A part of me wants to know it but another… I just… can't. I know I'm a coward… I know I should be a rock to Meredith and even the Sheperds when they arrive here but… how can I do it if I can't even stand to know the truth?"

Owen looked to his colleague, not knowing what to say. The truth could be a bitter pill to digest, it could be a difficult reality to handle. And in this moment of the bargain, it could be a ticking bomb. Hunt got what Sloan was thinking and he realized the change in his attitude had been more revealing than any word. Also Webber had changed face after the camera and after meeting Derek. The truth was lingering in the air and anybody dared to say it loud, facts just stayed frozen in a limbo of false hope and denial. Had he the right to break the bubble and inform Sloan? Should he respect Sheperd's wish and keep his mouth shut? He didn't know the right answer, he didn't know what to do. Mark and Derek were friends like forever; parts reverted, Owen would want to know. But Sloan was not like him and there was an unexpressed rage and anger merging from his words.

"It's hard to stay here and pining for what could be happening… It's hard to know they are in danger and we're here… doing nothing"

"But it would be worse knowing something already happened and waiting here… doing nothing. Is it what you're trying to say?"

"Mark…"

"I can… Hunt. I need to know. They are in there for hours… I would be stupid if I thought William didn't do anything at all. You're calm… in control… so I must assume you got the chance to see Cristina is fine. And this scares me more… Please… tell me what's wrong with Derek"

Owen closed his eyes taking a deep breath. He knew he owned Mark this, but after the conversation with Mrs. Yang, dropping other bad news was really complicated. This was even more complicated. As Cristina's mother was far away, she could hear his voice but not see his face. Sloan was right in front of him, he couldn't make up reality to improve the situation, he couldn't lie straight to his face. He opened his eyes rubbing them tiredly.

"I… from what we could see he had some… fracture"

Mark covered his mouth with one hand, his stomach churned and he felt like vomiting.

"Dunn tried to attack Cristina and Derek defended her. That's all I know. Cristina wasn't really talkative on this"

Owen saw Mark turning his back to him, from his posture he could imagine he was trying to hide some tear. He left him some second to collect himself and then stood, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry if I let you think I don't care about him. I do care. I know my friendship with Derek is brand new and can't be compared to yours but… I care about him"

Mark turned around, his eyes were lucid but he was making his best to keep it together.

"I know… I'm sorry I yelled at you before… and I'm sorry I implied… I said… those things to you and Richard, I didn't mean to put more problems on the plate but… I just can't believe we're in this situation"

"I know, I don't either. I feel responsible in part… I was on the case and backed off when my medical duty was over. It was everything so messed up… Cristina and Meredith fighting… the patient… the pressure all around. I did my job and walked away and I left them managing all this by themselves. It was too much finally… it was too much and I was too distracted to get it. This is my fault too"

"It's not. Taking responsibilities and faults is useless, Owen. I know it's a good sport and I threw darts myself but… nobody here is responsible… we are in this together and we need to stay united"

"I know… I know"

"Ok… Mrs. Sheperd, Amy and Addison are going to land in a couple of hours"

"Addison?"

"It's Derek's ex wife. Catherine was in Los Angeles when I called her. Addi volunteered to take them here. She's still part of the family and… still cares about him"

"Are you going to pick them up at the airport?"

"I don't know. I should… They shouldn't find a stranger waiting for them at the gate but… I just don't want to leave"

"Me neither. Mrs. Yang should be here at the same time more or less. Maybe she expects to find me there, I don't know. All I know that I shouldn't let anyone else inform her about this"

"No, it should be you"

"So… I guess I'm going to talk to Falks and see how we can handle this"

"Let's go"

* * *

"Chief…"

Bailey opened the door quietly, calling for Webber. She had been paged and had left Meredith with her sister. She had been surprised to meet Adele on the floor, apparently the news had reached everyone. She had no idea why Richard had asked her to join them, maybe there was some news, maybe he needed something.

With a trace of guilt, she had been happy to part from Meredith. For the first time since she knew her, she hadn't been able to find any topic, argument, word… anything to raise her spirit. The atmosphere had grown really heavy and she had felt the need to walk away, just for one minute maybe, but to get some space. Richard invited her to step in and she did, closing the door behind her back. She breathed out noticing with the corner of her eye a lot of people staring openly at her and the Chief's office. All their coworkers and employees were waiting for news and she hoped she would get the chance to spread some good in a few time.

She stood there, not knowing what to do of her hands, waiting to be instructed.

Webber and Falks were engaged in a tough conversation, several plans she recognized to be hospital plans on the table, she diverted her eyes and realized this place had completely changed aspect during the last hours. It had turned into an operative office and this was a critical moment.

A phone ringing disturbed the operations going on. It was the Chief's, it had stayed mute for hours, but now the news was public and Webber sighed figuring out they could be invaded by curious and snoops.

"Are they going to stalk me even here?"

"I thought your secretary could seep the calls"

"Apparently I wasn't that clear before…"

"Let it go"

They went back to their conversation and the phone stopped ringing for some second. But it started again almost immediately and someone opened the door without knocking. Richard's eyes set on Patricia, whose face was appearing from the little opening she had created. In over ten years of service, she had never dared to open his office without asking before. It had to be something important.

"You have to pick up the phone, sir"

"I told you not to pass me anyone"

"It's him… it's that man"

Now the reason of his secretary's nervousness was clear. She had answered Dunn's call. And knowing William was calling him and not Trent was making him nervous too. Falks read through his hesitation and picked up the phone.

"Falks"

"I didn't call to talk to you, Andy"

"William?"

"Right here… I want to talk to dr. Webber"

"He's not here"

"Oh… so bad. Let him know we have something to discuss later… He can find me on Sheperd's phone"

"What's this about, William?"

"Personal stuff…"

"I thought we had established a connection through Trent"

"We had. But the guy fazed me. And dr. Webber sounded nicer so… I decided to make a contact with him… we have more things in common"

"Which for example?"

"That's none of your business. I'll wait for his call"

The line fell and Falks mattered something under his breath, he put the receiver down. Everybody was pending from his lips.

"What did he want?"

"Talking to you"

Webber didn't look so excited, the same feeling Falks was proving himself.

"Why me?"

"I don't know. I asked but he didn't tell me. But I don't like the idea. He's trying to force… something"

"Do you think I said something wrong?"

Falks looked up hearing Trent's voice, the young lawyer looked really tired. Maybe they had judged him in the wrong way; after the first encounter, he had proved to be into this thing, he had done everything to solve the situation, he had been willing to cooperate and put his presence on their service.

"No… you didn't do anything wrong. I think he has something in mind"

He started to pace in the room and Richard felt worry rising from the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure he could endure another conversation with that man, not after everything which had happened, not after what he knew Derek had be subjected to; he didn't feel that strength in his heart.

"I don't know if I can do this"

Falks turned around to look to Webber, the Chief could say there wasn't surprise on his face. Caldwell's boss was an acute man, he had sensed his emotions and that was the reason why he had told Dunn he wasn't in the room. Only they couldn't play this card forever: William expected a call and Richard knew he had to do it.

"I know I have but…"

Richard sat on his chair, stroking his forehead. He tried to push all thoughts out.

"Maybe I could call and try to see what he wants"

"You could… but it won't work"

There was another knock on the door and Webber sighed expecting Patricia again, but it wasn't her. Sloan and Hunt appeared on the doorframe and Richard remembered he had called them. He stood inviting them to get in.

"Have you news about the families?"

"Mrs. Sheperd should be here in an hour more or less"

"And Cristina's mother too"

"Will you go to pick them up?"

Owen and Mark shared a quick looked, Falks stepped into the conversation.

"I can arrange you a sort of security to go to the airport"

Owen cleared his throat.

"It's not the logistic which upsets me. I just don't want to leave the hospital in case something happened"

"Me too"

"Ok… I get that. But we can't let these people be welcomed by cops. I think they'd need to see familiar faces"

"Can't we just send someone else, Chief?"

"Who?"

"I don't know… Addison knows everyone… A resident… Stevens… Karev or O'Malley… or everyone"

"Sloan… I think it's your face they expect to see"

"And they'll see it here. But I can't leave Grey and just go. I need to be here"

Richard shared a quick look with Falks and sighed, it was clear his doctors had made their decision and he couldn't push further. Everything was right, everything was wrong. He just nodded and gave them his approval.

"Go and find someone who can do this"

* * *

"What do you want from him?"

Derek saw with growing apprehension a grin stretching William's lips.

Sheperd had followed the phone conversation carefully and a strong feeling of worry had closed his stomach in knots. Dunn had something in mind, something Richard related, and Derek was sure nobody of them would like it.

Something had changed in his behavior lately and, despite William's assessments they should know why, Derek was in the blue.

William was looking at him from his chair, relaxed and smiling; he flexed his leg and then stretched it, clearing his throat.

"Personal stuff, like I said before. Why are you all so worried about it? Have you something to hide?"

"No"

"So give it a rest. I'm tired to talk to my stupid lawyer. He didn't give me any benefit and was definitely no fun. I'm sure things can go better with your Chief. The fun part will certainly, at least".

William took a sip of water never loosing eye contact with Derek. He cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand and put the bottle down.

"Don't worry, doc. You'll have a great part in my show"

Derek's phone started to ring in that moment and William looked at it, a wide smile spread on his face when he read the caller id.

"He was faster than I thought"

He accepted the call and pressed the cell to his ear.

"Hallo?"

"It's Webber"

"Doctor Webber…" William talked with emphasis relaxing on the chair "Chief… can I call you Chief?"

Richard was talking viva voice from the landline, he shared a quick look to Falks who nodded to him in support. He sighed before answering, Dunn's voice was sending shivers down his body.

"Like you want"

"Well… I prefer to call you Chief. It makes us closer… it makes us kind of related, don't you think?"

"To tell the truth I see no connection between the two of us"

"Well…" chuckled William "I happen to disagree. I have here something you care much for. And I care for it too so… this is sympathetic"

Silence stretched in the room and then Richard talked again.

"What can I do for you, Dunn?"

"Who says you can actually do something for me?"

"You asked"

"Yeah… I asked you to call. I've never said I needed something. I just wanted to make a polite conversation. Will you do that?"

"I'm listening"

"That's a good starting point. I hope you'll do some talking too. You know… I start to be a little bit bored in here. The company is restricted and… we're running out of topics. I thought having a conversation with you would put a little bit of pepper in my stay"

Richard opened his mouth to express his instinctive thought but then stopped realizing it wasn't a good idea, Andrew gestured him to calm down and let William talk. It was pretty clear he had prepared this.

"You look to be a decent person, Webber"

"I try to do my best"

"You listen… you're wise… you're true. It's really important to trust someone, don't you think?"

"I do"

"That's what I miss more. People think they can't trust me anymore. And, as a consequence, I can't do either. It's a miserable life if you have to watch your back all the time. Do you think I can trust you?"

Richard looked to Falks to find any kind of suggestion, they were walking on thin ice here. He didn't know how to approach and handle this conversation. He didn't know what William wanted him to say, he didn't know what he was supposed to say. Falks just shrugged and Webber followed his instinct.

"I don't know. I guess we want different things but… I don't lie usually"

"Usually?" William laughed in the receiver and Richard tensed "that's a good answer. And lies don't kill after all, especially when we say it for good reasons. I'll take it for now. So… dr. Sheperd here told me you know each other for long… you already knew him when his father died… you tried to save him but it was useless. This was the strange milestone of your friendship. How is it to tell a friend his father just kicked the bucket?"

A chill spread in the room. Richard felt a wave of nausea raising in his throat but swallowed it down.

"It's always difficult to give these news to people… especially when you know them"

"Really? I thought time killed the feeling. You're doctors, you lose patients every day. Does it always affect you?"

"The moment this doesn't affect you anymore… it's the moment you have to hang your coat"

"Wow… impressing. But giving it a second thought, I get it. If we didn't feel the pleasure anymore doing what we like, we should move forward. For our luck we still like our jobs so… we can get some more satisfaction out of it. I'm sorry this day… and yesterday… lacked in professional achievements for you"

"You can change that…"

"How?"

"Let's put an end to this, William. We're tired and I guess you're too"

"Maybe… but it's too premature you ask me this, Chief. We've just started this conversation and I want to know you. You sound… moderate and controlled. But I guess you're just trying to hold back your emotions. I've got two of yours here… one could be your son and this must mean something to you. Have you nothing to tell me about your friendly meeting with dr. Sheperd?"

Dunn's pupils focused on Derek's form like nails on a plank and the doctor almost flinched. But it wasn't for fear or discomfort. The surgeon had just realized where William wanted to bring this conversation. He had involved Richard to mix feelings and emotions, he wanted to let him feel powerless and hopeless, but this wasn't his final purpose and Derek started to think he didn't want to know where they were heading. And Richard was sharing the same sensation. His blood had frozen when William had alluded so carelessly and lightly to Derek, it was clear he was probing to know the details of their encounter.

Webber tried to speak but it proved to be very difficult. He couldn't bring his mouth to break the silence and finally it was William who spoke again.

"Webber… are you still there?"

"I am"

"Why are you so reticent to talk about it? Sheperd was too. Do I have to think you're weaving something?"

"We are not"

"So what's your deal with it? Are you mad as I had to maltreat him a bit?"

"You call that a bit?" Richard spoke before he could realize it, he recognized his mistake immediately but tried to ignore Bailey's narrowing eyes and Falks' strict look. He had fallen in Dunn's trap and the man on the other side of the line was gloating for it.

"He's alive, isn't he? Or did you think this was a joke?"

"You made clear you were not joking"

"Maybe… maybe not. But we'll go back to this point later. You don't need to be worried for him… He's fine… a little bruised but fine. This was part of a gentleman agreement".

Richard was momentarily distracted by Falks scribbling something on their board, he tried to focus on Dunn's words and get the hidden meaning of it but he couldn't.

"And on a scale from one to ten, he says he is suffering seven so… he's gonna make it"

"He needs treatments"

"He doesn't need anything, I swear. But we could always ask him… hold on" He lowered the receiver addressing to Sheperd "Do you need something, doc?"

"No"

Richard got William was talking to Derek and tried to get the answer, but he couldn't. Sheperd's voice had been too low, if he had spoken, and it hadn't reached the other side of the line.

"Did you get that?"

"No"

"Hold on again then…" William leant the receiver on his neck "come here, Sheperd. Dr. Webber couldn't hear you…"

Richard slapped himself mentally, he had given William the pretext to involve Derek in this stupid game. He held his breath overhearing the conversation going on in the room. Dunn had invited his surgeon to stand and approach him and an alarm had rang in his mind. He didn't like to imagine Derek any closer to that man.

"Sheperd… come on. Stand here…"

"Dunn…"

"Calm down, Chief. He can do as much as standing. So I have him at my fingertips in case I need it" William smiled to Derek who was standing in the mid of the room "so… what were we saying? Oh… you say he needs treatments but he doesn't. We won't worry about some scratch, will we?"

Richard closed his eyes, he didn't know what to say and, worse, there was nothing he could say. William was driving the conversation and these were just rhetorical questions as he wanted to answer by himself.

"Unless he didn't tell you more and we're not talking about the little mark I left on his neck. Let's point out what this is about, Chief"

Webber felt Falks pressing a hand on his shoulder, their eyes locked and Falks nodded. Richard tried to find strength to collect his voice. He sat on the chair behind the desk taking some time before clearing his throat.

"This is about the way he walked and collapsed on me"

"I had to do something to teach him good manners. And, my discredit, I wasn't that successful. But he didn't show you anything and tell you anything. You had to guess as he has this annoying attitude to play the hero and protect people. Now it's clear why he wants to defense Yang but… what about you? It's not about Grey… this was also about you and it was the reason I called. I thought you wanted to have more information and, since Sheperd here has his mouth shut, I can do the conversation for him".

Derek shifted uncomfortably his weight, his fears were finding confirm; William wasn't trying to hurt him, he just wanted to put Richard through the ringer using him, proving once again to be cold and cruel.

"Do you want to know what happened?"

For the first time Richard realized he didn't.

He closed his eyes shaking his head.

Derek's voice brought him out of his trance.

"Stop it"

"Relax, doc. This isn't about you"

"Have you ever faced someone looking straight in his eyes?"

"Excuse me?"

Dunn's eyes restricted to thin slits but this didn't impress Derek.

"As you're doing it again… you're using the power with someone who can't spat or fight back"

From Webber's office everybody was holding his breath, Falks was expecting a gunshot roaring in the air but it never happened, they just heard William's evil laughter fill the air.

"I didn't mean to do that, Sheperd. I really did not. But I could change my plans. It looks like you like it when I do and it could also be preparatory for Webber, to untie his tongue, so… you want me to use the power?" His eyes flashed in anger and he stood, approaching Derek "Here we go. On your knees"

Derek held Dunn's stare and this almost pushed him over the edge.

"Get down on your knees if you don't want me to break her neck"

Sheperd lowered his eyes and obliged raising Cristina's worry. She stood but William gave her a withering look.

"Stop there, Yang. We both know you won't do anything. You never did before or you won't even this time. Enjoy the show… this is how I use the power with someone who can't refuse me anything. Right, Sheperd?"

Dunn tried to lift Derek's chin but Sheperd avoided the contact.

"Dunn… don't touch him"

Richard's plea sounded weak through the line.

"This hardly counts as touching. And, since I'm a nice guy, I'll let you choose where I'm going to hit him. Come on, Webber. You're a doctor and you can make the right choice. I took care of every part of him before… I wouldn't be surprised if I damaged something but… his ribs are broken for sure so I wouldn't go there. I give you five seconds to wrap your mind around it"

Richard felt his chest and head exploding, Bailey was crying silently and Falks was pacing in the room. A groan took them all back to reality and Webber jumped on his feet, leaning against the desk.

"Dunn!"

"Since you couldn't decide, I did it myself" he stared down at Derek who had fallen on the ground, splayed on his stomach. "Don't worry… I was really merciful. I decided to explore Sheperd's field… I had never done it before. Neurosurgeons… nerves… neuro terminations… really painful spots to bother. A friend of mine told me the hip is full of it and I have to admit it worked"

"Stop please"

"And then there is the mother of all neuro terminations… the base of the spine"

They all could hear a thud and a new moan filling the air.

"You lose sensitivity to legs and arms for some second… it's a static sending the whole system in short circuit. Fascinating stuff… So now will you take me more seriously or not?"

"I've always taken you seriously"

"I don't think so… I think you have no idea who you're dealing with. You haven't understood what I want or simply don't want, you're just trying to cheat me"

"We have always respected all our deals, William"

Falks' voice entered the conversation and Dunn snorted, hissing in the phone.

"I didn't tell you could talk, Andy. And no, you didn't respect anything and, most of all, you don't respect me and, worse of all, you don't fear me. Otherwise you wouldn't show your pretty face to tell you've got everything under control"

Richard's and Falks' faces jumped up at the same time, thunderstruck by William's knowledge of the press conference they had made and its contents. Dunn seemed to be able to see their reaction.

"Oh yes… I know you had to reveal the big news to the world. I'm just disappointed as apparently you don't take me too seriously. "Caldwell's director confirms Dunn has hostages in his hands but he assures they are in good conditions at the moment and that the situation is under control". That's how you call this? Control?"

"How do you know, William?"

"Oh… that's pretty simple. I was disappointed when I realized doctor Sheperd's phone hasn't all the functions dr. Grey's had. But imagine my surprise when he received the Seattle Press' highlights and I read about this. If I didn't know you, Andy, I'd start to think you organized this phone switch on purpose. But for these people sake, I hope you didn't. As I told, I'm starting to feel a bit frustrated as everybody here is treating me like a stupid… You think you have the right to lie to me… but I'm the one who has the power here, don't you forget about that"

"We never have"

"You had to tell me about this, you had to tell me the news went public. You did tell these two, didn't you?"

Cristina's mouth fell agape, now she got what William had meant before. He thought they had been informed about the press conference and he was right, she had.

"I didn't tell anything to Derek" Richard added almost out of breath.

"So do you want me to buy you talked about the weather before? You spent ten minutes together and, if I was in a room with a killer, I'd like to know what my rescuers mean to do"

"He did want to know but we're not planning anything. There's no way in there, you know it, William. And I didn't tell Derek about the press conference as I hoped we could avoid it. You have to trust me"

"As you wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

"I wouldn't"

"Well… I'm sorry. But lying looks to be a habit here, right doc? Would you tell me who's Katherine now?"

William looked down to Derek with contempt and kicked his good arm. Richard shivered hearing him wincing and groaning.

"Katherine… the whore who called you an hour ago. You told me she was a fellow surgeon. Surprise… I scrolled you messages and got this one. "Hi Der Bear, Mum says Mer is great. Kiss brother, I'll see you soon". So… why shouldn't I call her now? Why shouldn't I call her to let her hear a little bit of this?"

Another kick landed on Derek's shoulder and a throaty moan escaped his lips, Bailey left the room sobbing.

"Dunn, for Christ's sake, stop it! Stop it or I'm gonna get in there no matter what it costs"

It was the first time Falks threatened William to put an end to this no matter what and Richard looked to him stunned. It had worked though, a long silence stretched through the phone and it was to Andrew to break it.

"William… listen to me. I don't want to shoot down the door and get in there guns in hand. But you need to tell me now what you want as this can't go on anymore. I gave you time… I gave you space but now it's over"

"I know"

Surprise filled Webber's office.

"What do you want then?

"I don't want anything from you"

"But is there something you want?"

"Not anymore… I hadn't planned to beat him up, I hadn't planned this. I was preparing to come out and the conference upset me. I thought you were hiding things and preparing to drag me out with the force. You don't need to do that. Let me half an hour to have my last lunch and I'll be out"

Falks looked at his clock; even if they wanted to try something half an hour was a good lapse of time. He could give him another thirty minutes.

"Thirty minutes… no one more"

Andrew ended the conversation breathing out in relief.

* * *

Cristina was helping Derek to stand. He hadn't reported more damages from this last assault but the consequences of the first were still affecting him and his balance abilities.

William had disappeared in the bathroom, probably to prepare himself.

Cristina was trying not to let her hopes go too up; she was exhausted and tired and the perspective to finally get out of there was bliss. She tried to focus on the present, she helped Derek up steadying him.

"Can you stand?"

"I'm fine"

"Ok…"

It was pointless to say differently, Derek would deny it anyway. She touched his cheek and shoulder, both for comfort and support.

"I'm gonna take you some water"

She took a bottle of water, it wasn't cold anymore but it didn't matter. She took the plastic film away and took off the cap, handling it to Derek. He took a sip without saying anything, closing his eyes to rest a bit.

The water felt great in his throat and he relaxed.

But it was short.

When his eyes opened, they tuned something… someone who wasn't supposed to be there.

William was standing right behind Cristina, his eyes locked with Derek's.

When Yang realized Sheperd was staring at something behind her back, she turned around, her eyes narrowing in fear seeing Dunn raising his hand to slap her. She tried to block the hit but she wasn't successful. His strong backhand collided with her face and she blacked out almost immediately, falling without even trying to stop her fall. Derek tried to do it but William collided against him, sneaking an arm around his shoulders and pressing him against his own chest.

Before Derek could realize what was happening, a thunder crossed his body; his eyes snapped open when a wave of heat and pain shot through his chest. His legs failed almost immediately and he fell on his knees, his hand touching the core of the torture out of instinct. His fingers came back red and slick with blood. Derek collapsed on the floor, crushing an unconscious Cristina.

* * *

I left you with a big cliffhanger...

I hope I'll be ready to update soon.

Wait for your comments!


	20. LESSONS FROM THE PAST

Ok... if you're sensitive don't go ahead...

This chapter is pretty hard (really tough to tell the truth) but, as always, even if some of you think differently, nothing is unjustified.

Violence has a meaning and I can't wait to know what you think.

See you in the end.

* * *

Cristina forced her eyes open.

At first she noticed no difference, everything was still black.

Then a kaleidoscope of colors exploded in her brain, little spots flashing in and out, spinning and leaving imaginary contrails. They were the result of the nth hit she had received. Only this time it had been different, Dunn had slapped her voluntarily and gratuitously, she hadn't done anything, she wasn't doing anything.

Her face was still stinging, her cheek felt like it was exploding.

Cristina finally tuned her hand, she passed it on her face and felt it swollen and sore. Fortunately the damage didn't involve her eye, she could see at least. Her fingers didn't show signs of blood and that was good news too: no cuts, just a bad bruise and a bump.

She tried to remember what she was doing when everything happened. She was standing in the middle of the room… with Derek. She had just given him some water.

Sheperd… where was he?

She had blacked out and he wasn't there to help her, she couldn't hear noises around. Everything looked silent. She tried to send a look in the room but her eyes were still resisting to light, she squinted but it didn't improve the situation.

She pushed with her arms to straighten up, she was half splayed on the floor and it felt uncomfortable, the change of position made her head spin, it had been too quick and sudden. A wave of nausea raised form her stomach and she had to swallow bile back, she looked up covering her mouth not to gag. She had been hasty and rash; she could have a head trauma, she needed to take it slow, let her body reassess and recover. She tried to bend her legs but felt something heavy pressing down on them, blocking her movements. She turned around and tried to get what the impediment was, her mouth fell agape when she noticed Derek on the floor, prone. His chest was crushing her legs but he wasn't still, he was trying to move away… crawl away. Only there was something wrong with him as he didn't look to have the strength to pull his body up, he was trying to use his healthy arm for leverage but it gave up and he crashed her again.

"Sheperd…"

She called him and jerked his shoulder but he didn't look at her. A moan was everything left his lips and he tried to drag along again. This time he succeeded but the way had been casual and laborious, there was definitely something wrong. She stood to reach him but stopped suddenly when, with the corner of her eyes, she noticed something on her pants. Her eyes went wide when she realized what it was.

Blood… she saw blood.

She patted her thighs incredulous to look for wounds but she didn't find any, she wasn't feeling pain but adrenaline could cause temporary disorientation and increased pain threshold. But this wasn't the case… her brain got to the solution slowly.

There were just three people in the room. She was finally fine, Dunn was looking at her wickedly. Derek was on the floor. She knelt near him and gripped his shoulder and hip, rolling him on his back. He didn't resist and Cristina was finally able to take a full look at him.

Her attention got immediately caught by his hands, pressing down on his stomach.

"Oh my God…"

Blood, she could see more blood pouring out from under his fingers. He was trying to apply pressure on the wound but Cristina suspected his hands weren't strong enough, he looked on the verge of passing out. His breath looked hollow, he was gasping to catch air.

"Derek…"

He didn't answer and Cristina opened his hands, taking a first, full glance to the wound. Neither this time Sheperd tried to resist the forcing. Yang put both her hands on the gushing hole, her weight pressing down to stop the bleeding like she had been taught in med school. This time Sheperd reacted. His eyes snapped open and an agony moan filled the room, his irises focused on her and she sensed his body shifting underneath her, rebelling to the painful touch. He raised his bloody hand and brought it on hers, opening his mouth to catch air.

"Cristina… I…" he closed his eyes, an expression of agony radiating on his face with every breath; Cristina was already detecting the first symptoms of hypovolemic shock and she hadn't even understood what had happened after she had passed out.

She pressed down on Derek more energetically, ignoring his suffering and the messages his body was sending her. She sent William a furious look, flaring up when she noticed he was gloating instead.

"What did you do to him?"

"You're a doctor, don't you get it?"

"I…" she closed her eyes, she was too upset to think straight. The wound was bleeding profusely and it looked deep. "Did you stab him?"

"No"

She sniffled and tried to get lucidity back. And then she sensed it… she smelled it. It was a pungent odor… sweetish at the same time. It looked like the smell her mother produced when she lightened up the fire with matches. Sulfur… gunpowder. She relieved the pressure and looked to William thunderstruck.

"Did you shoot him?"

"I did" he raised a white towel from his legs and rolled it in his fingers. Cristina saw a metal component poking out and she stopped breathing. William was in the opposite mood instead, he kept smiling. "And it looked pretty easy I have to say. I prepared this homemade silencer and I'm stunned to see how good it worked. I didn't hear anything… and I'm sure our friends outside didn't either. So now…" he raised his arms and crossed them behind his nape "he have thirty minutes to spend together".

Cristina looked down to Derek. He didn't have thirty minutes.

The wound was bleeding, outside but, above all, inside. Derek's skin tone was growing paler minute after minute, the blood loss was producing its first effects. Decreased pressure, decreased blood circulation, decreased body temperature, increasing sweating. Sheperd was already shaking for the cold and she didn't even know where the bullet was, where it had stopped, if it had caused internal damages.

She put more weight on the hole and her eyes met Derek's: she talked calmly, but, inside, she felt helpless and hopeless.

"Stay with me, ok?"

"I…" he closed his eyes and Cristina saw his Adam's apple rolling in his throat, she sensed his body tensing under her hands, his back arched and Yang followed his movements. She held her breath till Derek opened his eyes, his lips parting gasping for air. He was living hell and she didn't know what to do… she didn't know if and how she could help. She closed her eyes for a second, pushing emotions out of her brain. If she wanted to be useful, she needed to think and act like a doctor. Derek didn't need a friend now, he didn't need a priest, he needed a doctor and she could be such. She had a reputation for cold blood and detachment, she could manage patients even if they were in pain, she could make the best choice and that's what she had to do there.

She opened her eyes and didn't look for eye contact with Sheperd. Eye contact was bad, it created bounds, it created sympathy. She couldn't be sympathetic now. Her irises focused on his chest, she needed to get where that bullet was and she couldn't use traditional means, she couldn't run a CT. She needed Derek's help. A wave of guilt gripped her throat but she tried to shut it down, she cleared her voice and called him.

"Derek… Sheperd…"

His face tilted to the side to follow her voice, Cristina got he was looking at her through his lids, almost completely closed. He didn't have enough strength to do better than that.

"I need to know where the bullet is lodged. I need your help… I know it hurts but I need your help"

Derek didn't give her any sign of cooperation and Cristina decided to wait some second before prodding him again. And evil laugh filled the room and she looked to Dunn over her shoulder.

"I think it's pretty evident where my bullet stopped. But… seeing our doctor looks pretty out of it, I'm gonna help you" he stood, leaving the white bundle on the chair and approaching Cristina and Derek. "First of all we need to see if the bullet is still inside"

Cristina closed her eyes, kicking herself mentally. She hadn't either considered the chance the bullet had found a way out, she hadn't seen blood before but she hadn't paid attention so Dunn was right. It was the first thing she needed to check. She opened her eyes and saw William's knees next to her face, he was still standing and she was wondering why. The answer came fast.

"I'm not gonna kneel in his blood"

Cristina hadn't even noticed the little pool of blood below Derek's side, spreading on the floor. Suddenly Dunn's hands entered her field of view. He gripped Derek's belt and his collar shirt and pulled, dragging him for some feet and then letting him back on the ground. Before Cristina had the chance to approach Sheperd again, William rolled him roughly on one side and patted his back.

"It's not your lucky day, doc. The bullet is still in"

Dunn let Derek go and the surgeon sagged on his side, curled on himself. He didn't budge an inch and Cristina ran to his side again. She felt his neck, his pulse point and then she tested his wrist. The heart beat was still strong but Derek's conditions were worsening rapidly. She touched his cheek, his skin felt shivery and sweaty, he didn't open his eyes and Cristina felt bad as she knew she had to shake him. She needed him to talk to her. She held his neck and back steady and rolled him gently on his back, the bleeding had increased, probably because all the movements William had forced his body into. Derek moaned in pain and Cristina lifted her hands.

Despite her good intentions to think like a doctor, she couldn't keep a straight face in front of Derek's evident suffering; usually she had morphine, she had treatments. Now she couldn't do anything without causing more pain and it was a reality difficult to accept.

"So… dr. Yang… which is your diagnoses?"

Cristina decided to ignore Dunn; this situation was hard enough and she couldn't manage both things. Derek was her main concern now, she needed to keep him awake and alive.

The patient had a bullet lodged somewhere, biting him with every breath. She needed to make sure it hadn't pierced anything vital yet and the only person who could do that was Sheperd.

Meredith's face appeared clear in her head and Cristina reacted, pressing down on the wound again. Derek yelped out in pain but Cristina ignored it and bent forward so that he could see her.

"Stay awake"

"Cristina…" he raised his hand but it fell before he could reach hers. He fought to catch his breath, but dr. Yang was almost happy, it was the first word he uttered after getting shot.

"Ok… it's fine. You need to stay with me and tell me where's the bullet"

"I can't… I'm…" his head rolled backward and Cristina realized he was trying to shift underneath her, his chest raised and fell quickly several times and, for the second time in a few minutes, she realized she had made a great mistake. The patient was in too much discomfort to talk, the bullet could be stuck in a place which made too difficult and agonizing to push air out. Cristina took Derek hand, abandoned on the floor. She tried to ignore how cold his fingers were already and put his hand on his chest.

"Show me"

She let Derek's hand and after some second his fingers moved on his shirt. Cristina raised her hands and followed Sheperd's movements and looked to him passing over the wound of entry. He stopped some inch above it, on the pit of his stomach. The bullet had entered near the solar plexus… it was a bad area, full of nerves and it had surely nicked the stomach. It could be there and it was the worst possible scenario.

Cristina closed her eyes trying to focus.

"My aim was good… I was worried about it"

"Shut up"

"And I was also worried the bullet could perforate him and go out from his back… Shooting him twice would have been a bother"

"Shut the hell up!"

Cristina yelled at him but Dunn didn't look impressed, on the contrary, he understood she was losing hope, he understood she had assessed the gravity of the situation and poured sault into the wound.

"There's not much you can do, Yang. We all know it, he does too. I made sure to do things in the right way… I studied from the best after all. Charlie was really chatty about his murders… I was jealous of my girls, I wanted to keep everything for me, them…. and the way I took their lives. I didn't say anything… neither in front of the court. Their last words are my secret, the way I surprised them and killed them… this belongs only to me. I don't want stupid jerks to do the same thing, follow me, copy me. That's why I kept my mouth shut. Charlie did like to talk instead of his sixteen, he shared secrets and there was one thing that crystallized in my mind. Do you know what it is, doctor Yang?"

Cristina didn't answer, she passed the palm of her now bloody hand on her face to brush some tear away, she didn't want Derek to see her cry so she took the chance to clean her face while his eyes were shut. Suddenly she felt a hot breath on her neck and froze realizing Dunn was talking right into her ear.

"Do you want to know what it is?"

She tried to ignore it but her resolution faded when she felt the gun pressing to her temple.

"No"

"A gunshot to the stomach causes the slowest and most painful death a man can experience. Nothing can be as splitting and excruciating. The impact is immediately wrenching, but it gets worse minute by minute. Do you think you're suffering now, Sheperd? Wait five minutes and you'll wish to die soon"

The surgeon in Cristina knew everything Dunn had said was right and she knew Derek knew too. But earing him uttering those words had been horrible; she had hoped Derek was in too much shock and too stoned to picture the consequences on his body, now William had made clear what he was going to face soon… what he was already facing. He was cruel and ruthless and he wasn't done yet.

"What's going to happen to him, Yang? Medically… tell me which will be the consequences…"

Cristina got Dunn was playing his usual, sadist game; he wanted her to rattle off all the complications and injuries Derek was going to experience in the next minutes and she couldn't do that. The barrel kissed her temple again and Cristina bit her upper lip, she closed her eyes waiting for William to kill her.

"The… gastric acids will… attack the bullet"

From the way Derek was struggling through his words, Cristina assumed this was already happening.

"What's you problem, Yang? Dr. Sheperd know this already. Do you want to wear him out talking at your place?"

More tears spilled out of Cristina's eyes.

"Your friend Grey had no problem telling me what would happen to me if I chose hanging. She didn't have problems either in telling me the effects of a mortal injection. Now just return him the favor"

Cristina cleared her throat.

"If we don't take the bullet out immediately, the acids will aggress the metal, there will be a corrosion and the bullet itself will release its contents. These… and the acids will reverse in the thoracic cavity, attacking the other organs and tissues. There could be another hemorrhage"

"Excellent. But there are two more things. The first… I exclude it happened or is going to happen right now… Bullets can pop organs like stomach and intestine… they spread shock waves to the liquids… and they pop organs open… But you'd be screaming and vomiting blood right now so… you got lucky. The second one… only time will say it. My pellet is probably kissing your spine. One wrong move… I guess you know what's going to happen to you… This isn't actually a good draw, is it?"

William smiled seeing Derek struggling through every breath, the blood had soaked the lower part of his shirt and his plan was running smoothly. He patted Cristina's shoulder standing up. "I leave the two of you alone… and you might want to do something, Yang. Is this how you cure your patients?"

He raised to his full length and walked away, sitting on his chair grinning.

Cristina bent on Derek, she stroked his forehead and sensed he was losing heat too quickly. His body was going to fail soon if she didn't do anything.

She jumped on her feet, resolute to do whatever she could to slow down the effects of Derek's injuries. They were in a hospital room after all, she had some things she could do, starting to pack the wound, apply pressure, try to keep Sheperd awake and warm. She started to rummage in all drawers and shutters, fishing out gauzes, dressings, blankets, everything which could be useful.

"Things are going downhill, Yang"

Cristina looked to William, her arms and hands full of treatments and equipment; he was looking at her grinning and then diverted his eyes. Cristina followed his gaze and her eyes focused on Derek, shock immediately filling her veins. She had left him lying on the floor, on his back. Somehow he had rolled on his side and was curling into a ball, probably to ease the pangs spearing his body, with a last sudden movement he landed on his stomach, but not even this change looked effectual. Sheperd was writhing on the floor and Cristina hurried to his side. She dropped everything she was carrying and touched his shoulder blades, worry invading her when she sensed the tremors and took a look to Derek's face. He looked devastated, thick drops of sweat were dripping from his forehead on his shut eyes and he was gritting his teeth. Nevertheless, from the first time since they were in there, Cristina could clearly hear his laments. She tried to roll him but Derek stretched his arm and pushed her away. She stayed there, thunderstruck and horrified, watching his arm disappearing under his face and realizing, seconds later, that Derek was biting his forearm… his flesh not to scream out in pain. Yang looked away, incapable to stand that sight anymore.

She went back looking at him when the moans ceased and she thought that, probably, Derek had lost consciousness but it wasn't like that. He was still awake and Cristina took the chance to place him back on his back, paying attention to his spine and neck.

Their eyes met and Cristina entered Derek's visual field to check his pulse again. It was a little bit weaker than Cristina wished but, all considered, it was still good.

She ignored the signs Derek himself had left on his skin, his teeth had even torn it in some place, but she was sure it wasn't something he wanted to discuss.

They needed to keep in touch though… she needed to keep him with her.

She stroke his forehead, even his hair was soaked in sweat, his skin was definitely colder than before; Derek opened his eyes to look at her.

"You need to hold on, Sheperd. It's going to be fine"

"_Hold on, Dad. Help's coming. It's gonna be ok"_

"_You're a bad liar, son"_

"Don't lie…"

Derek spoke in a whisper, but the evidence of the effort these two words had cost him destroyed Cristina's forced optimism. He knew she was lying and she knew too. It was crystal clear Derek's condition was relentlessly deteriorating, he was developing increasing respiratory system distress, the blood loss was not under control, he was losing fluids too quickly.

She needed at least to try band aid the situation, buy him some time.

First thing she needed to take a look to the wound.

"I'm not lying. You need to hold on and I'll try… I'll do what I can" she turned around to put gloves on. She had found a pair and she meant to wear them to check the wound directly. "I'm gonna to take a look at the bullet hole"

She gripped Derek's bloody shirt and underwear and raised them up to his chest; Derek's abdomen was covered in blood, some was already dry, it had stuck and pasted the hairs on his belly, she had underestimated the amount of blood he had lost, the red painted on his skin had affected also his boxers and disappeared under his waist line and the blood kept pouring out, not much, but it kept flowing. But another detail caught her attention. A halo around the hole, blisters. Cristina shook her head in disbelief and looked to William, rage bubbling even more when she realized he wasn't missing anything of what she was doing, he was waiting for her to get mad again. He nodded, a smug expression plastered on his face.

"Point blank… good catch, Yang. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull… He dropped down before even realizing what had happened. But I'm sure he felt every of it"

"You bastard…"

Cristina abandoned the conversation, she needed to focus on her colleague now. She needed to be superior to William's provocations and be there for Derek. She focused on the wound again, touching it gently. She sensed Derek's breath hitching and a silent moan, but she kept visiting him. No matter what she did or not, he had a bullet somewhere in there and, unfortunately, it was supposed to hurt.

"The bullet entered in the upper right quadrant…" this strengthened Dunn's worst prevision.

"It hurts…"

"I know"

Derek flinched when Cristina touched him again and she decided it could be enough. She took gauzes and bandages and put them on the hole to try to stop the bleeding, she lowered Derek's clothes again and their eyes locked. She was supposed to apply pressure herself now; even if the last minutes looked like hours, they were still in the immediate aftermath of the trauma and Cristina had learnt the triage rules by heart. Derek was trying to tell her something, she could read it in his eyes. But it was a message she wasn't ready and available to accept so she pressed down with both her hands again, shivering when Derek yelped in pain. But this time his rebellion went further, he raised his hands and tried to push hers away. Cristina's mouth fell agape, Sheperd was using his broken wrist like it was perfectly healthy. He gripped her arms with all the strength he had… it wasn't much but it was there.

"Derek… you're gonna hurt yourself"

The sentence sounded a bit ridiculous even to her ears, he dropped his hands but Cristina was sure it wasn't to follow her remark, he was exhausted and all his body had flattened even more to the ground. The pain had paved him again, nailing him to the floor. He raised a knee but it immediately fell, bouncing on the ground without control.

Cristina could see Derek's tormented face and she wanted to vomit, she wanted to stop torturing him and just holding his hand, comforting him. But she knew she needed to hold on herself, keep going. Derek's only chance depended on her, on her strength. She looked away to collect herself, two orange legs appeared three steps from her. William was standing in the middle of the room.

"My father was a veterinarian… did I tell you that?"

"What?"

"He was a veterinarian… he treated animals"

"I know what a veterinarian is…"

"But I guess you consider it lower science… second rate medicine… So bad, Yang… if you had studied veterinary and not medicine you'd know something on dr. Sheperd now…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Have you ever heard about a technique called twist nose?"

"No"

"Well… it works like that… when you have a horse or a cow and you need to treat a wound… sew… make something very painful the animal won't like for sure and you just can't use anesthetics… well you make a twist nose. You take a rope… a robust one… and you take the animal and then you start to twist the rope around its nose till you squeeze it so much that the pain is so acute the animal can't think to anything else. So you can cut its paw… neck… nerve… anything and it won't squirm a bit. All it can think about is its nose which hurts like hell and is full of very sensitive termination. Just like the human's pit of the stomach. Are you surprised as he's moving his wrist? That hole is acting like a twist nose. I could even break his other hand now and he wouldn't feel anything"

Cristina looked to him in pure hate, she had never heard anyone speaking so carelessly and enthusiastically about ways to inflict pain. That man was really a psycho who deserved everything he was going to get in three days. He chuckled seeing her expression.

"Don't give me that look. It's not like I've killed the cat. Can I tell you a secret, Yang?" Cristina swallowed holding his stare and Dunn felt invited to go on "This was my plan from the very beginning. Since I got to know his father had been killed… shot… I was stuck in my bed and all I could think about was letting him taste a bullet somewhere… I was sure he would lose some of his crappy pride… All that I did to him till now… it was just my weakness. This was the main curse and I mean to enjoy every of it. But neither this is the final purpose… We still have a long path to go… and now he's so weak and vulnerable… I'm going to prepare him…"

"Just let him out"

William smiled to her, stroking her cheek in a tender gesture.

"Not yet… he will go out but after we get to the point of this…"

Dunn walked away but came back seconds later dragging his chair, placing it reversed close to Derek. He sat leaning his elbows on the backrest, looking down to the doctor.

Sheperd had noticed his presence and new position but he hadn't said anything. Cristina realized he was going through another crisis. He kept swallowing, his chest jumping between the gasps, his eyes closed to shut the world out. The sweating had increased again and she felt his pulse point. The heart beat was too quick and shallow, the circulating system was going in distress.

She picked up a blanket and splayed it on him, folding the extremities under his body to prevent it from slipping away. She rubbed Derek's arms through the material to reactivate the blood flow.

"I'm cold…"

"I know… this is going to make it better"

She took another blanket and covered his legs. Derek's organism was trying to compensate the inner temperature, it was activating its automatic defenses to heat the organs and the sweating was the relief valve. Cristina checked every part of him was covered and then sat on his heels, feeling awfully useless. She had the feeling she was just sitting there waiting for Derek to die and William was doing the same. He was drinking every gory detail of Derek's agony, enjoying every rattle and moan his body produced. Cristina had the feeling Derek was keeping things from her. The epicenter of the wave shocks crossing his body was still the wound, but the effects looked to have propagated. She had sensed bitty but continuous tremors in his thighs; if they were in a visit room, she would check his urine to make sure the renal functionality was still good. But she couldn't do it there, not with Dunn guarding her like a hawk, not without murdering Derek's dignity.

She decided to wait but the calm was shirt.

Suddenly Sheperd groaned loudly, he rolled on his side bringing both hands on his chest. His legs curled and his face scraped the floor to look for a way out. But there's no way out from the hell Dunn had built him and Derek started to feel desperate. A knife was tearing his flesh with every breath, at first he had deluded himself thinking the pain could be bearable. It had been cruel since the beginning but now he couldn't stand it anymore. From the wound it had spread all around, it had contaminated everything from his chest to his knees. Every time he tried to move something or simply something moved to complete a physiological necessity, a static emanated from the bullet hole and radiated through his torso, igniting his organs and dying in his legs. It was like a spasm… a wave, only it had grown in intensity and frequency and Sheperd couldn't take in anymore. By now he was even sure he had urinated on himself, he didn't feel the wetness, but he remembered the agony of the moment it had happened. His kidneys were like a pneumatic drill tormenting his back: if the filters weren't working anymore, even the urinary system had failed.

His forehead touched the cold tiles and it felt good, he lied there… still and agonizing, gasping for air, waiting for the next shock.

Dunn's friend was the damned right about this.

He felt someone touching him, Cristina surely, someone talking to him, but he was too in shock to get anything. He was so in shock that suddenly he found himself staring to the ceiling… lights slowly getting dark… he felt himself floating away and he liked the feeling, he closed his eyes waiting for darkness to lull him.

Peace didn't come though, someone was yelling at him and shaking him. He wanted to tell this someone to let him go but talking seemed too complicated and he preferred to wait for it to happen anyway.

Cristina was panicking.

Derek was losing consciousness, he had become unresponsive after the last torture his body had inflicted him, his eyes had drifted closed and Yang didn't know what to do. She was screaming his name in his face but he didn't look to react, she was shaking his shoulder, digging her nails into it but it didn't work. Sheperd's chances were already slim, but if he passed out now… they would reduce to none.

"Derek… " she shook him again "Derek!"

"What the hell do you know in med school here?"

William knelt near Sheperd and looked to Cristina.

"Don't you know that painful stimulations are the best way to keep people awake?"

"I can't…"

She brushed some tear away and closed her eyes. She knew that but she couldn't force herself to hit her colleague.

She opened her eyes when she heard a hand connecting with a face.

William had slapped Derek but nothing had happened. Dunn hit again and Cristina saw Derek's face tilting to the side and then going back to place. His eyes snapped open this time and he looked confused. Yang bent on him, stroking his forehead.

"You need to stay with me, Sheperd… Please…"

He tuned her face and nodded, swallowing saliva down. Dunn cleared his throat and Derek looked to him, reality coming back to full force.

"I'm sorry for that, doc. Your friend couldn't accept to wake you up with rough methods… I offered up for it".

Derek closed his eyes, he was gaining sensitivity back after the short black out and his pain receptors were awakening too. He coughed and agony speared through him like a typhoon, leaving him breathless and annihilated on the floor. William took his place again and cleared his throat.

"So… Do you still think your dad was unlucky, doc?"

Sheperd opened his eyes, Cristina assumed for the wickedness of the question.

"By now you should think he hit the jackpot. One second and he was gone. No pain… no agony… What would you give to have the same chance now?"

Derek looked to him but didn't answer, William looked to Cristina and chuckled.

"How much would you give to have someone who lets you go? Dr. Yang here is so busy to keep you alive that she didn't get what happened before… Did you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You see, doc? She is here but she doesn't know you as much as I do. I guess your father let you know it was enough… when that guy shot him he let you know it was enough and you stopped making efforts to help him. You just stood there waiting… no hurting him more. I wonder if she would be able to do the same thing… she didn't stop in front of your screams… But, you know what dr. Yang? When he whispered your name the meaning was: get your hands the fuck off me as it hurts like hell. But you kept pressing and pushing… it must be bad to be at the mercy of someone who doesn't get your feelings and wishes…"

Derek was panting, his mouth open to catch more air, he looked to Cristina who was silently crying and then his eyes went back staring to the ceiling. He swallowed preparing to talk.

"What do you want, Dunn?"

"Nothing… I'm just here talking… I like the talking"

"Let her go"

"Are you so sick to see her?"

"I…" Derek closed his eyes, a grimace of pain stretching his face "isn't this enough for you?"

"Could be. I'll have enough when you'll do too. And I think we're gonna get there in a while. But till the moment doesn't come, I need dr. Yang here with us. And I'll translate what you want to her, don't worry. Now I would go back to your father's death as the situation calls for it, don't you think?"

"Just let him be!" Cristina's voice sounded exasperated, she realized it too. But she couldn't help… she couldn't control her emotions anymore. Derek was bleeding out… he was literally bleeding out on her watch and she had enough of Dunn's stupid games. She felt useless and she couldn't stand it anymore. But William didn't look so impressed of her outburst, he just shifted on is chair sending her a pitiful look and then addressed to Derek.

"What do you want?"

Cristina shivered hearing Derek voice reduced to a whisper and then gasped when she felt a cold grip on her hand. She looked down, her fingers disappeared under the blanket and she realized that Sheperd was holding her hand. She didn't know if it was to calm her down or as he actually needed to have someone close to him. His fingers were like blocks of ice and were trembling in her warm palm, she closed her fingers around his and held them tight.

He needed someone… he wanted comfort and support for everything. Maybe he was realizing he was going to circle the drain soon if nothing happened, he was a doctor after all. He knew his conditions were going soon to become irreversible without medical care. It had to be maddening… feeling his body shutting down… feeling every screaming message it was sending to him and laying there doing nothing, answering awful questions. Cristina hoped Derek would remember any of this, she hoped adrenaline had switched off his pain receptors, she hoped he would get relief soon. In the while, all she could do was holding his hand and be there, witnessing Dunn's cruelty once more.

"You haven't answered my previous question. Do you think your father was lucky now?"

"No"

"Oh come on… You've been whining and whimpering all the time… You've been suffering like a dog and you still think a sudden death isn't better? What are you… a fool?"

"I'm not…" Cristina felt Derek's grip tightening around her hand and looked down to him. His face hadn't changed, but the tremors were violent under the covers. He swallowed and let out a feeble moan, his head reversing backward. He gritted his teeth and then his body relaxed… or gave up… Cristina hadn't understood it… she just saw him opening his eyes again. Whatever had happened to him… it was over.

"My friend Charlie had really a point in this… Maybe this gun thing is not that bad after all… With you it was the icing on the cake. I destroyed you… I'm here watching you falling down piece by piece… and then I have the added bonus I can compare this to your old man's death. Isn't this perfect? I mean… For me it would be. My father didn't explain me how he killed his… It was a matter of money I think… They were drank and fighting and, nobody knew how, my grandpa ended up with a knife jabbed in his neck. There was so much blood… that's the only thing I remember. I can't remember what they were fighting for as I was too little but… I remember the blood. And I liked the smell. Nobody was there… nobody was alert enough to take me away… I stayed there with the dead body looking straight at me. I found that red paint funny… and I drew a little house on the floor. And when the color was over I wanted more. So I took the knife out of my grandfather's neck and I made a cut on his arm. But the paint wasn't the same anymore. It was thick… there were clots and I got mad as I couldn't make pictures anymore. So I took the knife and made a lot of little holes… as deep as my tiny hands allowed me to… then my mother came and brought me away. She called the police and she said my father killed the bastard as he was beating me and my mum… but it wasn't true. My father beat the both of us. So one night… when he came home smelly and insulted my mother… I took that same knife and returned him the favor. But I didn't kill him immediately… oh no. He had to pay back for all the times he had punched my mother and punched me and obliged her to have sex even in front of me… I made sure he paid back for all this… like hell I made sure. And I finished him off when he begged me for the tenth time. And I was even too merciful. I had to keep him alive much longer… That's my regret. But I made sure I didn't make the same mistake ever again. I took my time with my ladies and I'm taking my time with you. That's why you can't compare me to the poor devil who shot your dad. He was just looking for some buck to buy the day. I'm an artist, I like this and I know what every experience can give me and I take it all. I knew you were going to give me great satisfactions… this is how I imagined you since the first time you peed on me in that exam room… You looked down to me like I was nothing… well things are reversed now. Don't you think it's funny?"

Derek breathed in and out several times before speaking, like to collect energy.

"No…"

"It's bad to look into a mirror and realize how mean you were, isn't it?"

"No"

Cristina looked to Dunn; Derek had denied him the answer he wanted, twice. She wondered what he was thinking, his eyes looked dark with anger but his body proved different feelings, he was the image of quiet, he was playing mouse and cat.

"You're very similar to Sarah, you know? She was very hard to bind. But finally she did and it's the one I remember with the greater excitement" William scratched his chin looking up, it was like he was searching his mind to visualize memories "She was tall and strong. She thought she could resist me and she got a very bad surprise. Something like dr. Yang here…" Dunn pierced Cristina with his brown eyes and she looked away, feeling shivers up and down her spine. She couldn't help this feeling when William stared at her like that. It was like she was transparent, like she was nothing, a little flower to thrash. She had thought to be a tough woman before entering this room, she was convinced of being strong but now this certainty was gone. Dunn had made the message straight: there was no way Cristina could face him, stand her ground with him. If he wanted, she would be dead; no woman, although trained and energetic, could resist that violence and cruelty. She wondered what had happened to those women, what kind of people they were, if they were as self-assured and confident as she had been before. Their self-respect had died suddenly the day they had casually met William Dunn, some of them hadn't even had the time to realize it, to realize they were dying. Had this been so bad? No, maybe it had been better. Cristina surprised herself wishing that… that everything had been so quick and unexpected they hadn't suffered. If she was their relative, she would wish that. But she had the strong feeling things hadn't occurred in that way. She looked down to Derek and a tear rolled down her face.

What was she going to tell Meredith is he died in there in her arms?

Would she tell her it had been instant and sudden? Would she tell her it had been an endless and horrible torture? Would she tell her she had stayed there watching him dying without doing anything? Would she have the task to deliver her a last message?

She closed her eyes to push all those feelings out; without realizing it, she squeezed Derek's hand tighter.

She focused again when William went on with his rambling.

"I attacked her in a toilet… in a restaurant" Dunn smiled, he was acting like a man who remembered the first encounter with her lover "she was putting her make up on. I arrived behind her back and I saw her face changing expression… reflected in the mirror. I closed an arm around her neck and she tried to hit me. I avoided her elbow and plunged a knife in her side. It was soft and so easy to pierce… I put a hand on her mouth and she screamed silently like a cat… I found it so exciting… I eased her down on the ground and I laid down on her, I could feel her boobs pressing against my chest and her hips rubbing mine. I was starting to really get excited and she ruined everything. She started to resist me, everything I tried she made head. I told her to be quiet that I just wanted to love her but she didn't. She left me no choice that hitting her again. Every time I asked her if she was ready for me but she kept saying no. And when she begged me to stop it was too late, but she did ask and then died in that very moment… it was very slow and painful… and I'm sure she regretted pissing me off. It was the first time I felt attracted by a woman and she rejected me. She deserved all the holes I rewarded her with, she deserved all the wounds… she deserved to suffer. All the other bitches had spread their legs for me… begging me to let them live but I hadn't felt anything towards them. I just wanted to take their life. Sarah was different… she was determined and strong and I made her weak… and after she proved to be weak like all others I took her too. With you… I just want to show you we're not that different. So now… now it's time"

William stood, the chair scraping on the floor. He picked up the gun and approached Derek, Cristina jumped on his feet and stopped when the man looked to her.

"This has nothing to with you, Yang. Go in your doghouse and stay there"

"What do you want to do?"

He lifted his hand and the gun in the process grinning.

"What do you think?"

He crouched near Derek and locked eyes with him, Cristina felt panic raising in her body. She really couldn't stay there watching Dunn execute a defenseless man, she couldn't stand there waiting for him to pull the trigger again. She jerked ahead pushing William on his back. He hadn't expected her reaction, she realized it as Dunn took time to get balance back and fight back. But, after a moment of confusion, he did. Cristina was trying to open the door to call for help, she had almost succeeded in destroying the self-made barricades, her hand was already on the doorknob when someone yanked her hair forcefully. She screamed in pain but a big palm covered her mouth and the noise got lost… William slammed her against the wall, knocking all the air out of her lungs and Cristina closed her eyes. This was the end. Dunn was going to kill her and she didn't want to see, she didn't want his face to be the last memory of her life. Owen appeared in her brain, that was the face she wanted to embed in her mind. She waited but nothing happened, William gripped her wrists and she yelped out in pain.

"You bitch! What do I have to do to keep you in line, uhm?"

He gripped her chin and squeezed it hurting her, Cristina kept her eyes shut, a whimper coming out of her lips.

"Let her"

Derek's voice came behind them, weak and shaking. William turned around and smiled seeing Sheperd on one side, propped on one elbow.

"Sorry, doc. This time I can't let her go out with nothing"

"Don't touch her"

Dunn ignored him, too focused on Cristina, but he turned around abruptly when he heard a loud moan. Even Cristina opened her eyes. They both saw Derek still on one side, his face on the ground, but what caught their attention was the strange position of his legs. It was like he had tried to stand and someone had frozen his limbs, they stayed still and bent to one direction while his body was going to the other side.

William chuckled releasing his grip on Cristina.

"This is beautiful" he looked to her and then back to Derek "it looks like our doctor snapped his spine trying to run to your help"

Yang moved to go to Derek but William grabbed her elbow and slammed her back against the wall.

"No way, you're gonna stay here now"

Cristina looked down and saw Dunn arguing with a set of handcuffs; she tried to fight but he was too strong and finally imprisoned her hands. He pushed her forcefully against the wall, her head bumping against the concrete. Cristina felt her knees giving out.

"Good girl. Now since you're very annoying… I'm gonna make sure you keep your mouth shut and don't waste my final conversation with dr. Sheperd"

Dunn tied a towel around her neck and then pressed it into her mouth to gag her. When Cristina realized what had happened, it was already too late.

"Sit now…"

William kneed her thigh and Yang collapsed on the floor.

Dunn sent a last look to her and then rubbed his palms, his eyes resting on Derek, still curled on one side. He walked towards him, stopping for a second to pick up the gun which laid abandoned on the floor, and then knelt next to his face.

He smiled taking in the scene in front of him and then rolled the doctor on his back.

"I'm sorry"

Sheperd lifted his head of two inches and then let it fell to the ground, exhausted. William was getting exited noticing how Derek's breathing had worsened in the last minutes.

"It's time we put an end to this, Sheperd. And I have to say I'm sorry we have to. I was having a lot of fun"

Derek closed his eyes, it was proving to be almost impossible surviving and following William's speeches at the same time.

"You proved to be brave, you proved to be strong" Dunn stroke his forehead and Derek shivered, both for the cold and the disgust he felt every time that monster laid a hand on him.

"You were able to stand everything I did to you and it's remarkable, I have to give you that. But now… it's time to make choices"

William placed the gun on the floor and sat on his ass, stretching his legs.

"Because choices are what make a man different from another… nothing else"

Dunn looked down to Derek, their eyes locked.

"We can fool ourselves it's about culture… it's about heritage… it's about nature… maybe it's about all these things. Is it what you think, right?"

Sheperd didn't answer and William shook his head.

"You're so wrong, doc. Do you really think I would be any different if I had grown up in a normal family? Would you be different if your father was still alive? No, we would not. As, deep down, I'm right what I wanted to be. And you're too. If I hadn't had a dysfunctional youth… I could have studied and become a doctor, I could be like you now. But deep down, I would be me, I would be someone who really likes violence, who eats violence and no matter what I try to do to hide it… it just prevails in the end. There's one thing which prevails in the end… one and only… the need to survive. It's the same for you and it's the same for me. I just don't hide behind hypocrisy and take what I want. You, on the contrary, expects others to do the dirty job on your behalf. We are two sides of the same coin"

Dunn sighed and took a look around the room.

"And now, doc, if you want to have a chance to survive… if you want to have a chance to go out of here alive… you're gonna prove it. You're gonna prove that we all have a quality… an instinct in common: survival. The rest is a load of crap. We put on a mask, we pretend to set targets… we choose to do great things… but who we are is still there and just waits to come out in the right moment. For me it was early. I had to face threats early. My father or me, it was simple. It didn't take me more than one second to decide to make justice and, in that moment, I got that truth existed just in front of death. That's why I went on. I wanted a woman by my side, but I couldn't find any true and honest. They're lairs, manipulators. The only moment they really show you who they are is when they're passing away. And I liked this truth. For what concerns you all… you just hide against society and rules and laws… but you're not anything different. So now…" Dunn put all the blankets down, discovering Derek. He realized the tremors shaking his body but didn't say anything. He picked up the gun and rounded Derek's body, sitting in the same place Cristina had occupied before. He lifted Sheperd's healthy hand and set the weapon in his palm "just do what you're itching to"

Derel looked to him and tried to pull back his hand, William held it tight.

"Don't worry, doc. It's what you want and now you can do it. Nobody is going to blame you. I hurt you, the both of you, you hate me and now you have a gun. No hard feelings"

Dunn stood and made some step back, taking a look to Cristina, who was still on the floor. She was looking to him with wide eyes, apparently she had followed their conversation and was now waiting for the final shot. William turned around, facing Derek, opening his arms in surrender.

"I'm ready. Pull the trigger"

Derek just closed his eyes, his arm shaking for the effort to keep the gun in his hand, he laid it on his side, gasping for air. He swallowed to collect strength to talk but gave up. Everything was really too much now. He felt blood in his nose and mouth and tried to send it back, when his eyelids opened Dunn was still in the same position. Sheperd shook his head. No matter what William had done to him, no matter what he could do to him, he wasn't a murderer, he wouldn't shoot a man, even if this meant to save his own life. He pushed the gun off his body, the metal bounced on the floor producing a dull sound. He couldn't see Cristina, but he could hear her sobs increasing. Probably she was expecting him to do it.

Dunn chuckled, his hands closed to his hips and he looked to Derek smirking.

"Seriously? You haven't even the strength to keep that upright?" He laughed again and got closer, picking the weapon up and trying to set it back into Derek's hand. Dunn understood it wasn't a matter of energy when Sheperd's fist didn't open. The doctor licked his lips before forcing a few, feeble words out of his mouth.

"I won't"

* * *

Are you still alive after this?

I have to admit I was pretty nasty.

But I had to give force to my line: William shot Derek to weaken him, to let him feel desperate and defenceless, to arouse his hate. He wanted to prove Sheperd they were similar, they both could take lives if they had the chance to. He expected Derek to kill him but, apparently, he's having another bad surprise.

Now I have to stop a bit and think as I have two ways in front of me: one keeps beeing rough, the second is less. My story would acquire strenght and find its perfect development in the first but I get it's a lot of things to write and... maybe I'm shocked myself by all the pain I wrote here so... I need to breathe and decide.

Wait for your comments.


	21. EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE

Ok... I thought about this a lot, I started writing and cancelled and wrote and cancelled again.

I know many of you wanted me to pick option b), but, for the continuation of this fic, to open dozens of doors and perspectives, I needed to choose a).

It's gonna be a crescendo, but it's the last one.

After the warning... See you at the end of the chapter for my comments

* * *

"_I won't"_

William sat on the floor, shaking his head, his stare hardened.

"I don't think you get the situation, doc" he hissed.

"I do"

"Oh, really? Probably your brain is fuzzy and you can't connect your neurons anymore. I'm gonna make a recap for you. You're gonna die soon, do you feel it coming?"

Derek didn't answer, he closed his eyes trying to survive another wave of pain.

It overflew when someone weighted down on his wound.

He opened his eyes and tried to oppose resistance, William staring down at him.

Sheperd groaned, he tried to relief the pressure but the grip was too strong, Dunn increased the pressure in a blink and Derek screamed, his cry turning out weak and faint, his body giving out any form of rebellion. He was stuck, he couldn't do anything but breathing and it was already too much.

"I was saying… you're gonna die as I did this to you. I wanted to destroy you and here you are… defenseless like a newborn. I messed up with your girlfriend, I used her. I just regret we didn't have enough time to get cozy together but… who knows… life is full of surprises. And I'm sure you hate me as much as I hate you. So take the damned gun and shoot…"

"No"

Dunn recoiled almost in shock, he hadn't expected this. He had planned everything and he was sure Sheperd would be more than ready to do what he wanted him to. Still, he was refusing.

"What do you think you're proving here? You want to become a fucking martyr? Nobody is going to give you a medal, Sheperd. You're going to die alone, you'll leave your Meredith alone and for what? To prove something to me? It's really egoistic, you know?"

In other moments, Derek would have laughed. William Dunn, a serial killer, was accusing him of egoism as he refused to pick up a gun and shoot him in cold blood.

As this would be cold blood.

It didn't matter what was going on, he didn't matter his body was betraying him organ after organ, it didn't matter the pain was making everything unbearable. Impossibly his brain was still working straight and there was no way it would send his fingers the commend to pull a trigger.

There was no good reason to do something like that, there was no excuse. And Derek didn't hate Dunn, William hadn't done anything to deserve his hate, he disapproved him… he blamed him … hate was a big word.

"I do not hate you" the sentence slipped out of his lips slow and laborious. The last syllables died on his tongue and Derek swallowed trying to push blood and saliva down his throat.

"And now I know you're hallucinating"

"I don't"

"What kind of man are you? If someone took my girlfriend hostage I would rip his eyes out of his orbs. You just lay there… seeding good feelings… what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Respect…"

"What?" William chuckled rolling his eyes, he took a quick look to Cristina who was falling the conversation astonished, her face tears stricken. He then looked back to Derek, who was panting, his mouth half open. "Respect… I really don't get what you're talking about but… we've got all the time for you to explain me" Dunn stretched his legs lazily on the floor and Cristina thought the situation was almost grotesque. William looked like a boy doing a pic nic. He was sitting relaxed and smiley and he had a man bleeding out in front of him. But the sight didn't look to bother him, at all. He bent forward to get closer to Derek. "You won't get off that easy, doc. Do you want to show me something… explain me something? Well do it before I start to think you're no more attractive and pay more attention to Yang. You screwed up my plan… for now. Explain your reasons and try to do it efficiently. You are strong enough to choose that… you can talk as well"

Derek closed his eyes, gasping. The thought of pushing words out was as painful as the act of doing it. Dunn was wrong in that sentence. He didn't have enough strength, right now he had a couple of drops left. But this was his body, his mind was still strong enough not to give up and follow William's twisted and wicked game. His heart was too and he tried to force the both to convince his body it could as well. He breathed in as deeply as his injuries allowed him and then pushed air out. He didn't recognize his own voice, but it was there.

"I respect life… there's no way I'm gonna kill someone"

"Even if this someone is me?" Dunn chuckled again "Where do you come from, Sheperd? Fairytales?"

"Just… the civil society"

"Oh, that… right. I guess it's nothing I've never belonged to. Is it what you mean?"

Derek didn't answer, he was trying to recover from the effort and William had understood him anyway.

"You'd be surprised to know what kind of monsters hide in your civil society, doc"

The surgeon looked to Dunn, their eyes locked and Sheperd had the certainty he was right about his suspects, William hadn't done this all by himself. It was not for what he had said, but the way he had. His voice had assumed a low, raspy tone. Full of regrets. Like he didn't get why he had been relegated to a life of deprivations and isolation in jail and others had lived a full life, full of honors and satisfactions.

Derek closed his eyes trying to clear his head. He did want to know who had deliberately and actively helped Dunn. But it would be too dangerous, especially for Cristina.

The doubt had instilled in his brain hours ago. For a lot of reasons.

It was impossible all this had been casual and he regretted their encounter with Joe had been so short. They hadn't questioned him on important stuff, they all were still in shock and had focused on big aspects, leaving details on the borders. He hoped Falks would face them more carefully now they all had the same suspect. But now he was in there and he had to handle these feelings with attention.

William had been reserved on the way he had taken control of the room. He had told a couple of things to Falks and Trent but nothing more. By now, Derek was pretty sure he had spent a lot of time in the bathroom to arrange the gun and shoot him "quietly", the chances he was entertaining conversations with an accomplice were slim, almost unreal. Dunn had pretty clear what he had to do in there only Derek didn't get why. He ruled out it could be something personal. Probably someone had organized him this siege for his own reasons and William had chosen Sheperd, for a mix of motivations. He was one of the few people he had met in the hospital, their relationship had been strained from the beginning, he personified all the principles William had destroyed through his actions, he had a history of violent loss behind his back, his girlfriend had showed opposite feelings…. A lot of stuff to work on. If in this sick game William had to hurt someone, Derek had been the perfect someone, William had combined business with pleasure. Then probably the situation had slipped out of control. Even if there were monsters in the civil society, Derek refused to believe someone had put Dunn in there to make all this. Maybe he just had to buy sometime, screw plans up… killing two people, two cops, with a great chance to add a third, was out of any human scheme.

Sheperd's brain really wanted to believe that and he also wanted to know that.

Only he didn't want Cristina to be caught under it.

Dunn and his mole surely didn't want the truth to come out, Yang was going to survive so she didn't have to know. Sheperd could… that was the bitter truth.

Derek felt he was passing away… slowly.

He was cold, very cold.

He had troubles feeling his fingers, his arms felt like he had thousands little needles in them, he couldn't feel his legs. Probably the bullet had crushed a vertebra, or it had severed the spine, it was impossible to know it. The pain which had stabbed his body when he had tried to stand and help Cristina had been blood curling and he had fallen on the ground, the sensitivity in his lower limbs disappearing second by second. He hadn't lost it completely, but the premises weren't good. And then there was the continual massacre the bullet was making him feel, the probable devastation of organs due to acids, the damages he had suffered before. Only a miracle could save his life. It only felt paradoxical that his best friend, the object of his scientific knowledge, the organ he had grown to know like his own pockets, the first which usually shut down in cases like this, was still functioning. His brain was active, fogged and a little bit slowed, yet functioning. And with it Derek's neuro system including parts Sheperd really wanted to switch off. But he could not and he had no idea how long this was going to last.

Derek opened his eyes, going back to reality.

William was still looking at him, the echo of his last sentence still lingering in the air. He was clearly expecting an answer from him and Derek made an effort to remember what they were talking about. Society… people… the mole he was clearly thinking of and, Derek was sure, he would be more than enthusiastic to shove in his face to prove a point.

"Maybe you're right"

"I am… As the laws of your so called civil society protect hypocrites… pedophiles, perverts. You pretend not to see things… And these people keep doing what they like the most… and the cops are the first to break the rules they should protect" His voice lowered to a whisper and Derek shivered, he tried to drag his arm to touch his side but strength abandoned him midway. He closed his eyes breathing out and Dunn looked to him. "Yes… I could tell you stories which would upset you too much… so much you'd never shake hands with a cop anymore. They fight violence… with worse violence. Do you want to know how I learnt to punch like that? After they arrested me… I didn't want to talk. Trent left the room and I was brought to my cell. It was in the corridors, it was deep night. I stepped in the little room and someone grabbed my shoulders, holding me tight… holding me still. I don't know how much they went on… but when they left me on the ground I was breathless and sore everywhere. And I decided they wouldn't get the truth out of me, no matter what it cost. And I decided beating could be a good picklock… and I collected information… I practiced a lot. And violence melted to violence. As when you get that in a prison there are no rules at all, it all becomes a big game to survive and getting someone hurt at your place… harassed at your place. Do you know they rape kids in jail?"

Derek kept silent. He didn't know… or hoped it wasn't true. There had been some big story in the past… of screws who harassed and made violence to prisoners. The public opinion had made a big clamor, the responsible had been taken care of. And no, they weren't of course better than the people they had used to satisfy their vices.

"Night is so long in prison. Everything is dark and silent, and you're alone. As if something happens to you, nobody is there to help. You have to take everything… everybody minds his own business. And these places should serve to reintroduce us into the society… Only hypocrites like you believe this… you feel good as justice takes care of delinquents. But the bigger delinquents are those who let this happen without budging one finger. How is it, doc? How is it to be in place you should be safe and suffering the worst you have ever imagined?"

"Is this revenge?"

"I wouldn't call it revenge"

"Why?"

William saw Derek gasping and panting, he was going to die soon, still he was there questioning him, lucid and careful. He had never had a moment of weakness in this situation, he had never given him the impression to have regrets, to resent his girlfriend who had brought him into this mess. He didn't look human. Humans he knew had weaknesses, fears. Nobody had never cared why he had done things. Neither Trent… they had just judged and wanted him to declare he was sorry. But he wasn't. Only this guy had learnt to know him, read him, from the very beginning. And was trying to do it even now he was minutes to die.

A wave of rage raised from his stomach.

Derek Sheperd was proving Dunn's world was a lie, his life had been a failure.

William had always believed force was an infallible way to get stuff… a mean to get stuff.

His father had taught him this, his granpa had told his father this.

He had built all his life on the firm belief violence could buy him anything, it could destroy anyone, it could make the strong weak, it could give him a priceless power. With this surgeon it wasn't like that and the knowledge annoyed him. Really much.

This wasn't about revenge, it was about a matter of principle.

Before Derek Sheperd took his last breath, he wanted to hear him beg, he wanted to destroy his hopes and values, he wanted to show him it was not William to be a black hole, but the others liars for profession.

This was the last thing Dunn wanted to do in his life and there was not much time left.

He needed to find a key to win his resistance.

"You exist. That's the reason I hate you. You have a perfect life, you have a perfect face, you're successful and you looked me upside down. You had no reason to do that. Nobody can dare to look me upside down. And now we're here and I wanted to show you who has the power… as I have the greatest one. Taking lives and enjoying it. It's something you could do too"

William set the gun on Derek's chest and Sheperd closed his eyes. He hated the feeling of metal against his skin. He hated weapons. He had hated them since one killed his father, he had hated them all along his career seeing the damages they could do. There was nothing more impressive than the knowledge someone had used his brain, his talent, his imagination to harm other human beings. There was nothing more impressive than wounds caused man to man.

"No"

William looked around, irritated and his patience almost gone. His eyes laid on Cristina, who was curled into a corner, she was looking at Derek with wide eyes and Dunn chuckled.

"What is it, doc? You don't want to lose your reputation?"

Derek didn't answer and William went on.

"Or are you just trying to upset me more? As I swear… it would be the worst idea ever…"

"I'm not"

"Oh really? So what? Is it because she's here?" he pointed to Yang "you don't want her to see it? Fine" William stood and walked to Cristina, who flattened against the wall out of instinct. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up, pushing her towards the bathroom.

"We're going to get us some privacy so we can sort your doubts out"

Dunn opened the toilet door and shoved Cristina inside. He followed her in and pinned the woman against the sink. There was nothing to immobilize her with. Finally he spotted a towel on the floor and twisted it, using the result as rope to tie her to the pipes. He tried the resistance of this self made tier and smiled.

"Just stay here, Yang. Don't try to come out as you'd regret it"

He slammed the door closed and knelt near Derek, grinning.

"We're alone now. You can stop pretending and playing the fucking hero. You're scared, I can feel it, I can see it. Just put an end to it, Sheperd. Let's settle this game"

Derek breathed in to talk but the air he had meant to use for this purpose was released with a cough. Agony spread all over his body and features and he gasped to catch his breath. He felt fingers on his neck and opened his eyes, tuning William feeling his pulse point. He was acting like his doctor, roles reversed, karma…

"I won't do anything for you"

Derek took some second to recover from the effort, he needed to tell something to Dunn, something which could reveal William the big picture and reveal Derek himself the outline of this affair. He swallowed and stored air in his lungs just to push it out quietly.

"I won't let you use me"

William burst out laughing.

"Use you? What the hell are you talking about, Sheperd?"

Despite the hilarity and the irony William wanted to show, Derek felt he had touched a nerve. He gasped to get air but Dunn wasn't available to let him decide the timing of this conversation. He pressed down on his hips, crushing him, to get his attention. Their eyes locked and the surgeon read rage and fear at the same time.

"I'm not the one who is scared… You are"

"You're a bit confused"

Probably Derek was dizzy, his head was spinning, everything turned when he kept his eyes open. But he was sure of what he had just said and Dunn's voice was an added confirm. Sheperd made violence to his body and forced other words out.

"You're scared of the execution"

"You're so wrong about it"

"You're trying everything to avoid it" Derek looked to Dunn and, for the first time, he saw hesitation in his eyes. William looked away "First the surgery refusal… than this… Are you scared to pay your dues?"

"I'm not scared of a bunch of miserable and pathetic people who will come just to see me die. That's the only satisfaction and cold comfort they'll get from life. Their daughters, sisters, wives are gone and I'll take with me the doubt of how they died… of their last words"

"Is this making you feel good?"

"Yeah… It makes me feel God. Do you know what is gross, Sheperd? I'm the one who destroyed their lives. Yet… I'm the one who could give them peace. Is there any power greater than this?"

"You're just deluding yourself"

"No… I'm not… I know what I'm talking about. And it will be the same with you"

Derek looked to William through almost closed eyelids. Dunn noticed he had caught the doctor's attention and gloated.

"I'll tell your Meredith you delivered me a last message. And I'll refuse to tell her what it's about. The doubt will consume her alive. She'll come to my execution and she'll watch me die. And she'll die a little with me as your last words will be buried in my coffin. We'll rot in earth together and your precious girlfriend will be a living corpse"

"She won't trust you"

"She will. As there's much more in my power, Sheperd. My victims… are not just the people I killed but also their loved ones. They attended my trial, they got to know me and now they hang off my words. They'd die for me to talk to them. I'm an oracle and dr. Grey will come to me too. I just have to wait and I will hold her in my hands. And the mere thought is enough to excite me…"

Derek closed his eyes, his feelings were opposite instead.

He felt a fingertip brushing his cheek and shivered, he opened his eyes when the contact moved to his lips. Dunn was tracing his mouth like a lover would do and Derek turned his face to avoid the touch.

"What do you want me to tell her?"

Sheperd closed his eyes, feeling William touching him was unbearable on top of everything else. Above all he couldn't stand to see his grinning face above him.

"I could tell her you begged me to spare your life… I could tell her you cursed her name... do you think this would break her enough?"

"She won't trust you"

"She had already trusted me against your opinion. And after she'll be told all that I did to you… she'll believe me again"

Derek swallowed bile back; the idea William would try to mislead Meredith, to stain his love and feelings towards her, was making him sick. He had loved her enough to face Dunn and his clear threats, he had loved her enough to stand in front of a bullet for her, to irritate and unleash William's rage against his own person. Even now he felt ready to do everything to save her the pain and sorrow Dunn was planning to inflict her gratuitously.

"Only a coward would do that"

"So you keep going on this line, uhm? It bothered me first… but now… now I know you say it just as you feel desperate…"

"I'm not. It's what I think"

Derek opened his eyes and stared to Dunn.

"Do something good. Give them some peace"

"Why should I?"

"Pity… compassion"

"These feelings are just for weak. I killed their dear ones and I would do it again. I'm not gonna lay on that stretcher and beg them to forgive me. It's the best thing I've done in my life"

There was something more than this written on his face and Derek read it.

"You're scared"

"You like to think that, doctor. Maybe it's because you are…"

"No"

Derek closed his eyes, drained out. The effort of the conversation had been too much and he was feeling nauseous.

"Please… You're leaving your woman. And you'll die here… on your own. Do you want me to hold your hand?" William reached Derek's hand mockingly but Sheperd rejected the touch.

"Honest people are not… scared"

"This is a good sentence… I really hope you believe in it… it would be…comforting. Do you know what else would be comforting? Just put an end to your misery. Take the chance to say goodbye personally"

"I won't let you use me"

The sentence felt like a slap to Dunn. His face hardened again and his expression changed.

"What?"

"I won't do it. I'm nothing like you" Derek panted through difficult and painful breaths "You're just a puppet… I won't do the same for you"

Derek closed his eyes, he panted, somehow expecting a retaliation going on soon. But nothing happened. He struggled to move his arm, he brought it on his chest. A cold shiver ran down his spine when he sensed how blood soaked his shirt was. It felt like his forearm had plunged into his lake, wetness covering his trembling muscles. He shivered and moaned when something bit his skin from inside. He felt like someone was stabbing him from inside out. He didn't have much time left.

"Who's pulling your strings?"

"I'm flying solo. Nobody never gave me suggestions on how to accomplish my crimes"

"Who helped you in here?"

For a moment he thought he had imagined uttering this question as no answer came back. But when he opened his eyes, one second was enough to realize William was astonished. After a moment of hesitation, Dunn laughed and clapped his hands.

"My congratulations, Sheperd. I can't really deny someone did, can I?"

Despite his apparent excitement, Derek had seen something change in William's eyes, on his face. The reason was soon to be revealed.

"I didn't think you would get it"

"Your fault…"

"Really? How?"

Derek inhaled to talk but a sharp pain cut through his ribs taking his breath away. He closed his eyes to recover but other waves ran through his chest leaving him panting on the floor. He could hear himself gasping, each attempt raising more pain around.

"You won't leave me like this, uhm?"

William was excited, Derek could tell that much. He tried to ignore him, everything he needed to do now was surviving this new sea drowning him. He focused on his breath, trying to remember the tips he gave to his patients when they woke up from surgery, when men were relegated to be kids again, fighting to accomplish elementary tasks, to fulfill elementary needs. He had found boring this stuff when he had studied, after he had turned into a real doctor he had understood they were important, as important as procedures and surgeries. Patients didn't give a crap of techniques and masteries, what mattered was not feeling pain or, at least, reducing the pain. Will was the first element and he tried to hang on it. Good memories could help too and his mind went directly and automatically to the one person who had changed his life. He felt himself and his body relaxing, breathing was not so difficult anymore.

"Impressing, doctor… You're a fighter"

Derek opened his eyes. The Meredith in his head disappeared and he got conscience of where he was again. And with whom he was. And what they were discussing about before agony filled him like a bucket. He sucked in a breath and pushed air out.

"Who?"

William chuckled.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you. But I'm impressed you got it. Is it more difficult… knowing someone sold you?"

"This is not about me"

"Oh… you're wrong, doc. After I was proposed this crazy idea, I got obsessed by the thought of having you here. It became my condition, my motivation"

"When?"

"You're curious… you know? And I have to be careful, I still believe you'll decide to shoot me in the end… and I promised to be fair. I can't risk you'll reveal my secrets with your last words. Even if I think you'll prefer to use your last energy differently… All that I can do is reaffirming what I told you before: you have no idea what kind of monsters hide in the civil society. Above suspicion… I was surprised myself when I was offered the chance to screw in here… to mess things up. At first I thought it was a joke, a dirty trick to put me in worse light. Then I got it was real. When I found a knife under my pillow… I got it was real" William shifted on the floor and pulled something from the back of his pants. A metal blade shone in the dim light of the room and Derek closed his eyes.

He had been right on Dunn and the dynamics of facts. But the certainty was making him more nauseous.

"I started to hatch out a plan… it had to be perfect… it had to work smoothly. I needed a diversion and the gentle lunch you provided me was perfect. It mixed stuff and everybody got confused"

"How did you kill those men?"

"Like I told you. I was true. You know, Sheperd? I'm an honest man, not a good one, but honest… I am. I was preparing to attack our cops with my baby and I found that thing in my hotdog. It was long and aerodynamic… and I couldn't shut my instinct down. I wanted to try it in their throat… I needed to try it and it felt great. After years of crap, of abuses, of compliance… I raised my head and felt myself again. And now… you don't know how much is taking from me not to rip you off. I'm fighting with my nature as I want to achieve a better result from you"

"You're just letting someone taking advantage of you"

"You're walking on thin ice, doctor"

Derek knew, somewhere in his brain, that prodding Dunn was the worst idea ever. But his rationality had dropped to minimal levels, his restraints had too. He was going to die and he wanted to make sure this awful man had pretty clear what he thought about him.

He took some breath, his heart was hammering in his chest. Derek could feel it all. His heart pumping, his lungs filling and deflating… it was like his body was enjoying its last moments, really aware of itself for the first time in a while.

Probably William was thinking his warning had reached the target, he stretched his legs yawning.

"You're just doing the dirty job"

The surgeon's voice sounded weaker as ever but each word sounded like a slap for Dunn.

"You killed people… where will be this person in three days?"

"Shut up"

"Will he be there for you? No… You'll be alone in front of everyone"

"I don't care of anybody. I don't care of any of you, I don't care of people who judged me, I don't care of people I killed, I don't care of their families and I don't care either of God"

"You care instead… you didn't, you wouldn't be looking for a way out. Did you think your friend would have given you one?"

"You don't know what you're talking about"

"You thought he would help you?"

Dunn kept silent for a second longer than necessary.

"You fooled yourself he would have tried to take you out of here"

Derek locked eyes with William and, impossibly, he felt bad for him. He had looked for human contacts in the only way he was capable, this was the only way he felt alive and Sheperd felt sorry for him. It was too late for Dunn, it was too late for Derek too.

This person outside had led the game, had armed a serial killer and used the only weakness William had. He had to be someone who really knew this man, who had dig under the surface to look for something resembling to human, who had provided him the means and the chance for a last show.

"You must go till the end to finally see the light, doc"

Derek closed his eyes.

The light was close for him, he could feel his head slipping away.

The lightness he sensed was opposite to the heaviness oppressing his body.

Dizziness and numbness, pain and cold.

He felt broken in two.

His eyes snapped open when he felt metal against his palm. Something was enveloping his fingers but the sensation wasn't pleasant.

He hadn't enough strength to pull his neck up, his eyes rolled till he tuned William. He was kneeling near him. Sheperd felt they were going to discuss the same argument all over again.

"This is the last time I ask you kindly, Sheperd. It's simple, I swear. Pull the trigger and make justice"

"No"

"Lauren was pregnant. She begged me not to kill her, she begged me to let them live. Her husband didn't know she was carrying a baby, he doesn't know yet… He'll never know"

Derek closed his eyes, this was too much. William was charging him of too many things. He was giving him a pack of peace to deliver around in change of the final service.

Sheperd would do anything to relieve the pain of these poor families, to give them a final and definitive goodbye to the people they had lost, but what William was asking him was too much. He wasn't willing to trade his soul, he couldn't.

"No"

"Trish wanted to ask his boyfriend to move in. I had followed her… she left her house and I was there… in the elevator. I dragged her back and saw all the corny things she had prepared him. I killed her and then threw everything away. You can't let these things die with me, Sheperd"

"No. Do it yourself"

"I won't commit suicide"

Sheperd moaned silently and Dunn felt it, the defeat.

He had tried everything, he had tried every conversation, every psychological vexation.

Nothing had worked and he felt humiliated. Somehow the doctor acted like he had nothing more to fear: he was dying, he was more than sure his girlfriend would not buy William's lies. He was acting like a fucking hero and Dunn felt rage bubbling in his chest all over again.

Sheperd probably was right, his friend outside had used him but, deep inside, William had been more than ready to be used.

His feelings had been several and confused during the hospitalization.

He had been happy to breathe air, open air. Years spent in the death row had sent his worse instincts to sleep, they had changed those feelings, domesticated them. William had studied violence, serial killers; he had compared his experiences to others', his impulses had been buried in a life of apparent normality. But when he had been reintroduced into the real world, his soul had started to scream blood all over again. The indecent proposal he had received had been the fulfillment of his bigger wish, the way to get what he wanted. And it was right in front of him, lying on the floor. But never as now Dunn felt it wasn't enough, Sheperd's resistance had made it incomplete.

His good aims to prove moral principles had failed miserably and his lower fantasies were creeping… slow but relentless.

This guy wanted to die slowly… he could give him everything he wanted.

"So…" William rolled on Derek's knees with a fluid movement, he sat leaning on his heels and Sheperd's legs. "I'm sorry to deceive you… but you won't have the last word on this. I wanted to do the right thing, I wanted to make something good and you're refusing to cooperate. Do you know how this makes me feel, Sheperd?"

Derek opened his eyes. He read on Dunn's face how this was making him feel.

A beast, unleashed from his cage and ready to bite again.

"It makes me feel me again. You proved my theory was wrong? Right enough. If my theory was wrong, yours is right and I'm still the man I used to be. And I can still do the things I like the most"

Dunn looked to the clock and then grinned staring down at Derek.

"We have still five minutes. Do you know how much I can do in five minutes?"

He pulled a pair of scissors out of his pocket and gripped the knife lying on the floor, raising them into the light so that Derek could see them. He crinkled the blade against the metal and closed his eyes feeling the friction.

"Uhm… this is music, don't you think?"

He looked down to Derek wickedly. William was enjoying this kind of domination. The doctor was lying motionless beneath him, still and waiting for whatever he had in mind for him.

"These are my instruments and I'm the best director. Last call: will you shoot or not?"

Sheperd didn't say anything.

He kept silent watching a rainbow of emotions painting of Dunn's face.

He was disappointed, he had been disappointed. But now excitement was taking the lead again and this meant awful things. William smiled and breathed out.

"Ok… so that's your choice. You're a damned fool, you know? Maybe you think you're too stoned and numb and you won't feel anything. You're already at ten but… bad news here… with these I can take you to twenty doctor. I promise you'll regret it. We're gonna have fun together, I swear"

The look on Dunn's face was full of sparkles, excitement and Derek tried to ignore it.

He couldn't keep that line when he felt hands touching him, hot palms patting his abdomen, his chest, his sides.

"It's the first time I deal with a man's body but… it's promising, you know? You're muscular, trained, you feel wonderful under my hands, doc. I guess you'll feel even better under my blades"

Derek tried to push away the touch and William chuckled, mocking him.

"You're right… I'm beating around the bush. Let's go to the point"

Derek felt a jab to his arm and he retrieved it out of instinct wincing. Blood was splaying down his forearm, he hadn't even realized Dunn was moving and he had somehow succeeded in cutting him. He leant his elbow on the floor closing his eyes when William laughed in his face.

"You're all mine… all mine"

Sheperd felt his palms roaming on his chest again and sighed.

The contact stopped abruptly and he opened his eyes. Dunn was still curled on him grinning and his hands were pressing down somewhere the doctor couldn't place.

"Let's run some test on your legs, doc"

Derek took in a sharp breath expecting to feel a shooting pain but nothing happened. Nothing he realized at least.

William was inching the knife slowly into Sheperd's thigh. He stopped when the blade disappeared completely into his flesh, an ecstatic look on his face. His hand was gripping the handle tightly, his knuckles red in blood.

He lifted his hand in front of his face and Derek felt a wave of nausea raising from his throat, his head spun and he closed his eyes.

"Open your eyes"

Sheperd tried to ignore him. He shivered when he sensed Dunn's palm on his face, he quivered when he realized there was something wrong with it. It wasn't just skin to skin, William's hand was slick and it didn't take much to get where the wetness came from.

"Open your eyes, Sheperd" William prodded him again and the surgeon obliged. His lids flickered open and he tuned a bloody hand in front of him. He swallowed when Dunn stroked his neck and face grinning, leaving it covered in purple.

"You didn't feel anything, did you?" Derek closed his eyes panting "so bad… my knife is deep in your leg… it's still there and you didn't realize. What does this mean?"

There was a tingle of joy in William's voice, something Derek couldn't really stand. He didn't want to give this man satisfaction, more satisfaction from the one he was already enjoying on his own, from the one he was eventually going to enjoy soon raging on him.

He kept his mouth shut, he could do that now, he could do now his body had protected him from the pain Dunn was inflicting him, later he wasn't that sure it would be the same.

William didn't look bothered by his silence, he giggled and a sound of effort left his lips. Derek assumed he had pulled the knife out and was planning what to do.

"It means your legs are really dead, Sheperd. I'm sorry I broke your back. We just need to explore where your body starts to perceive again. I'm gonna try a little bit up"

Derek tried to move his legs when he realized William had raised his shirt and underwear and was working on his jeans zip and button. He gave up when he realized he was stuck, definitely and helplessly. Dunn had slipped forward, he was sitting on his thighs almost straddling his groin. He was playing with the band of his

slips. The was-white fabric had painted of a shaped rusty color and William tickled the hairs on Derek's abdomen. He smiled when he sensed the doctor shivering beneath him. He lowered the band an inch to discover more of Sheperd's belly and then pierced his skin with the scissors tip.

As he expected and, most of all, wished, the surgeon moaned in pain, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes. This didn't stop him. On the contrary, he pushed the metal down drinking the agony spreading on his victim's face, taking with pleasure his husky wheezes and groans.

Derek was trying his best not to scream and he didn't. But the self-control wasn't such… he realized he hadn't enough strength to do it. Pain had filled him like a bucket and there was no room for anything else. His abdomen was burning, the small of his back was burning. The supposed to be harmless and useful tool had pierced his body from side to side and was killing him with every breath.

"So it looks like you felt this… and you're still feeling this"

In front of Sheperd's stubborn silence, Dunn moved the scissors roughly aside, tearing more flesh and getting a hoarse and rasping scream from Derek. His eyes snapped open and his chest was jumping out of air.

"I take this as a yes… for now" he left the tool in place and stared down to the surgeon in silence for some second. Sheperd crossed his look for a moment and then looked away, swallowing with effort. He didn't know how much he would be able to hold on. His heart was hammering in his chest wildly, it felt like it was going to explode which was, medically, very likely and it was probably what William wanted for him. Letting him taste every drop of this painful treatment and have him drown in his own blood.

He groaned loudly when Dunn, unexpectedly, pulled the scissors out. He felt something tearing inside and gulped, gasping to catch his breath.

"The problem of challenging someone…. challenging me is that you underestimated my skills, doc. I can see it. I wasn't joking when I said I made of cutting my fine art. I know where to hit, I know how to hit, I know to read the messages you're sending me despite your will to keep it together, to control your body. Your body is giving out… but before doing it completely, it will tell me how to hurt you… how to torture you as you can trust me or not… I adapt to the person I have underneath me. I even choose if staying above or behind as I know my victims and I know that riding you is doubling your pain and humiliation. And doubling the excitement for me. Maybe… in the end of this… we could get excited together…"

Derek gulped when he felt Dunn's hand on his groin, stroking him. He could take everything, but not this. He raised his hand and shoved his aggressor's away. But William was clearly willing to lead the game and do whatever he wanted. Without saying anything, he plunged the knife in Derek's side, putting a hand on his mouth to choke the scream of pain which left the doctor's lips. He twisted the knife, feeling the blade scraping against the hip bone and turning it upwards, the doctor arched his back and Dunn thought it could be enough. He retrieved the knife and Sheperd moaned quietly, falling back on the ground. William released the pressure on his mouth, he watched him gasping and panting in agony, taking his cheeks in a firm grip.

"This is a big yes… Take your time, doc, you need it to learn this lesson. I'm sure next time I'll ask you kindly… you'll know how to answer me. As, voicing your deepest doubt, there's no way I'm gonna let you pass out on me"

William patted his face mockingly and watched mesmerized as new blood gushed out, creating a wider pool beneath Sheperd. He had really lost a lot of blood and, deep down, Dunn was surprised he was still awake and fighting. This just added fun and anticipation… anticipation of the surrender which was going to arrive soon, one way or the other.

William had never faced someone so bold before. His previous victims had died much quicker and, only now he realized, this had taken away much pleasure. The fact that Sheperd didn't ask for mercy annoyed him a bit, it was a continuous insult he made to his person, but it was also raising exponentially the excitement Dunn was feeling in his gut, in his chest, in every part of his body and mind. He was feeling intoxicated by this duel and he didn't want it to end.

Sheperd opened his eyes slowly and they looked much more distant than before. He was close to his limit apparently, his brain was shutting down and William took the chance to humiliate him again.

"So… which do you like the most, Sheperd? The gentle way… or the hard one? You like your sex slow so I guess pushing stuff inside your body quietly is what appeals you more…. Isn't it?"

Derek closed his eyes when a cold shiver ran down his spine, dying in his waistline.

He coughed, feeling blood in his mouth, and grimaced in pain, his eyes opening and starting to water. William was towering him like a hawk and caught this sign of exhaustion and weariness with a new wave of cheerfulness. A wide smile painted on his face and he picked up the scissors, lying on the floor. He traced the tips on Sheperd's chest.

"I'm very sorry I shot you here" he leant the metal on the wound hole and smirked when he saw Derek flinching. "This is one of my favorite spots but… I guess I'll go elsewhere or you might think I'm tedious and repetitive. Do you study chakra in med school?"

"No"

William smiled, it was the first time the doctor answered him. Finally he was breaking down, binding to his game.

"You should… you would spare a lot of pains to your patients… I've read a lot of books in jail and… to my shock… I realized I had always known this stuff. I used to stab my victims in those points as they were the most painful and, on those pages, I found confirm and also an explanation"

His voice lowered and Derek felt on his skin they were getting to the end of this.

"I won't ruin your face… I want to let dr. Grey the chance to caress you for the last time" he did it himself and Derek closed his eyes, figuring Meredith instead. He stretched his arms losing in the sweat thought. "To kiss you for the last time" Dunn traced his lips and Derek opened his eyes. He felt sick seeing the smugness and satisfaction shining in William's eyes and looked away. His fingertips were touching something and he decided to focus on that. He looked on his left and touched plastic… iron. It was a little box under the bed he had never noticed before, probably the mechanism moving the seat back up and down. "There will be a blood curling difference from your perfect face and the damages I did to your body". Derek felt the little motor budging for his touch, he opened his hand and gripped it, trying to pull it towards himself. The bed and sheets covered his movements and William was too taken in drooling on him to realize something. "I tickled two points out of five…" he pressed energetically on Derek's belly and on his stomach and smiled hearing him wincing "I can't use a third as you wouldn't feel anything. We have already established your spine and legs are useless for everything… and the last would make you die too quickly. If I cut your throat you'd bleed out in seconds. So… this leaves us one solution" he leant his palms on Derek's chest, flattening his shirt as to prepare his field, he lingered a moment feeling his tensed pectorals and nipples, pleasure filling his body. He waited for the surgeon to beg him but it didn't happen, he smiled anyway, his knuckles closing around the handle tightly in anticipation.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

The lights were too bright, his head felt too far but he didn't delude himself believing he wouldn't feel anything. William was determined to torment him in every possible way and Derek was sure he would succeed. However, he wasn't willing to let all his guards down and let this man take away his dignity along with his life.

"Anything I haven't told you already"

"Oh… really? I'm sorry but I forgot what you have told already… with all the words we uttered before… you'll excuse me"

Dunn's voice was light and the worst part of Derek, his stubbornness, his arrogance, his pride, decided to give the last expression of themselves in this very moment.

"Go to hell"

He sucked in a sharp breath when he was rewarded with a stab under his armpit.

His breathing, already compromised, slowed down even more and Derek felt unable to put air in. His brain went immediately fuzzy and he realized only the pain was keeping him awake.

"I'll miss your sparkling sense of humor, Sheperd. It's probable I didn't do enough since you're still the fucking arrogant you used to be"

He pushed the knife further and smirked seeing Derek's face stretching in a mask.

"Fourth point. The heart… lungs… I could reach your heart from here… let's see if this would change your attitude"

Sheperd felt the edge of the knife moving back in his flesh. He moaned loudly when Dunn sank it back, changing the angle. The sensation of choking rushed in his body, his brain summoned all the available oxygen for its own survival and his heart hammered even more frantically. It was a sensation he would have never believed a man could experience, something he would never wish to anyone, Dunn included. He panted through short and torturous breaths while Dunn kept tormenting his lung.

Finally the carnage ended and Derek felt like someone had pinched his lungs out of his body, his chest was deflated and unable to do what it had been engineered to do. His cheeks were wet and he realized his eyes were leaking tears against his own will and control.

This last assault had definitely annihilated him.

He didn't feel a man anymore, just a useless piece of meat to hook and brutalize.

Dunn had really achieved his purpose now and Derek, locking eyes with him, realized he was fully aware of it.

"You're crying, doc. You're so the fucking crying. And it's time to say goodbye"

William adjusted on his groin with an evil look on his face and Derek looked up to the ceiling. He tried to keep breathing till he was allowed to… picturing Meredith's face in his head.

An explosion of pain speared his chest, breaking his breastbone. If it wasn't he was still breathing, Sheperd would swear his heart had bust in million pieces. He felt the metal back in his body, deep in his body, reverberating like if the violence had been too much for the blade itself to absorb it.

He moaned again trying not to see the look of pure ecstasy radiating on William's face. It was almost the worst thing…

It became less important when Dunn pulled the knife out forcefully, breaking another piece of Derek's sanity.

Sheperd saw a wide smile spreading on the man's face through blurry eyes. They were spilling out more tears and William was having the time of his life.

An awful laughter filled the air.

"Oh my… God… I…" Dunn laughed again and snorted looking up. Derek couldn't place the feeling till when William voiced it.

"I would have never thought I could feel this… I would have never thought I could try this feeling… least of all with you"

Derek was too dizzy to get what William meant and he had no more energy to worry about it.

He felt a hand grabbing his wrist and lifting it from the ground. His fingers touched something but he didn't get what till when he locked eyes with William and reality kicked in.

His stomach churned not out of pain but out of disgust and horror.

"Do you see how you're making me feel, doc?"

Derek closed his eyes and tried to pull his hand back but Dunn held it in place, obliging Derek to feel his growing arousal.

"I had never proved any of this and now I'm here… hard and excited… ready to finish you off. This is my jubilation, Sheperd, and I thank you"

He laughed again, thrilled by the sensations his body was flowing him with and the added pleasure to see the surgeon's reaction. He rode another wave of pleasure growling and moaning and Derek jerked his hand away. He diverted his eyes, concentrating on something else, anything else. He really couldn't die watching a man achieving an orgasm on him. His sight tuned the little engine abandoned close to him.

"I'm ready, doc… I'm ready to explode and I know what I wanna be doing when it happens"

Derek felt the way Dunn was panting, he was clearly aroused and close to the highest pleasure of his life. Their ways were going to part here.

"Good night… Say hi to daddy"

William plunged the blade in Sheperd's chest, close to his heart.

The hit had been so rough that even a part of the handle was buried in the doctor's body.

Dunn pulled it out grinning.

Their respective, opposite moans filled the air.

Derek cried out in pain, his head reversed backwards at the same moment Dunn moaned in pleasure.

He leant heavily on Derek's chest surrendering to the waves crossing his body.

His lips were an inch from Sheperd's ear and William opened his eyes, sniffling the smell of blood and getting more pleasure in response.

"I'm gonna use this hard on you gave me… I will keep a bit for dr. Yang. Do you think fucking her will take away that scowl on her face?"

Dunn straightened up panting and hit Derek again, leaving the knife in place.

Another wave of pleasure rolled on him and he closed his eyes, bending forward.

Sheperd felt his member twitching, pressed between their bodies and he closed his fists to hang on something. His fingertips scraped the plastic of the little box again and he pulled it a little bit towards himself. He felt nauseous seeing Dunn in the throes upon him and for the little effort he had engaged his body into.

William was spreading his sperm on him, on his belly, on his chest.

Derek could feel the warmth radiating on his shirt and the thought knocked the little air left out of his lungs. He closed his eyes to gather the grains of energy still remaining in him. He felt William pressing down on him a little bit more; his eyes were closed and Sheperd got that was the moment to do something if he still had it in him. He yanked with all his strength the engine and sent it colliding against William's temple.

Dunn didn't realize anything. A little moan escaped his lips and he collapsed unconscious crushing Derek. His body crumbled with all its weight on the knife still jabbed in Sheperd's chest and the doctor yelped out in pain. He tried to push William off him but he was too heavy or, more simply, he hadn't enough strength to do it. He tried again, once… twice and then he gave up, pain and exhaustion nailing him on the floor.

He sent a quick glare to the door Cristina had entered minutes before and hoped to see her coming out of it soon, at least before the man lying on top on him woke up.

* * *

Cristina was trying everything to free her hands.

After been relegated in that narrow space, she had tried everything to get free from the ties William had arranged for her.

It was a stupid rope, but the knot had proved to be incredibly tight and she had been working on it for minutes.

This lapse of time had become endless from the moment she had perceived moans and groans coming from the room.

She remembered the moment: she was pulling and using all her force when she heard a scream. It was muffled and dull but it had been strong enough to pass the boundary of the walls and door. Her brain had processed what was happening before she could admit it. Her eyes leaked tears as she imagined Dunn hurting Derek as, she had no doubt of illusion on that, that man hadn't stopped in front of her colleague's boldness and integrity. On the contrary, he had reacted and was probably reacting to it even more violently.

She tried to pull and kick with every energy this awful experience had left in her, crying and despairing when she realized she wasn't achieving anything. She stopped for a moment, more laments reaching her ears, and closed her eyes. She forced herself and mind to think straight. She couldn't lose herself in impulsiveness and irrationality, she had already to many handicaps to fight with. Her hands were restrained in handcuffs, her mouth was corked and she was having troubles in breathing. She needed to keep calm and try to focus on what she could do. She opened her eyes and brushed tears away with the sleeve of her scrub top, she snorted to calm her heart and then focused on the knot again.

Her violent reaction had produced just damages. The rope had tightened even more and she was starting to feel desperate all over again. She needed a way to loosen it as her fingers couldn't do it like that. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out several times, trying to neglect the sense of choking she was experiencing. Suddenly she opened her eyes and tilted her head to the side, scraping her hair with shaky fingers till she found what she was looking for: a hairpin. She took it out and secured it in her fingertips. It was thin and short but she could use it to try to do something. She couldn't just stay there listening to what was going on in the other room without doing anything. She tried to force the little pin in the knot and cursed when it curved for the pressure. She straightened it up and finally succeeded in her aim, starting to move it back and forth to break up her prison. The ties slowly loosened and she started to work with her skillful fingers. Patiently she succeeded in finally releasing the knot and get rid of that stupid towel.

Out of instinct she tried to pull the tier out of her mouth but she couldn't.

Her eyes widened in shock when she heard new, upsetting noises coming from the room.

Her brain decided to ignore Dunn's warning and she hurried outside, freezing on the doorframe and starting to sob all over again when she focused on the scene in front of her.

The floor had turned into a red lake of blood and Derek's face was deadly pale.

She almost jumped on her feet when she saw his eyes flattering open and his fingers moving.

He was grabbing William's shoulders to try to lift the man off his body and Cristina ran to his side without thinking. Without thinking of what had happened in there, without thinking why Dunn was passed out, without thinking he could wake up any second.

She curled on Dunn and grabbed his orange jersey as tight as she could, trying to lift him up. He budged one inch or two but then the tension in her muscles became too much and her hands gave up the grip against her will. William fell back on Sheperd, crushing him again and Cristina felt dying hearing his scream of pain and the expression on his face. She moved for another trial but Derek's words froze her.

"Just stop"

He opened his eyes and tried to move under the heavy body. Their eyes locked and Derek closed his eyes again.

"Open the door"

Cristina was in shock. Her eyes were sending to her brain blood curling images and she couldn't move. She was trying to figure out what had happened in there.

There was blood everywhere, on the ground, on Derek's face, in every part of his body she could see. Somehow Dunn was unconscious and Yang saw blood coming out from his head and a stuff… a box smashed on the floor. She couldn't breathe, she was shaking like a leaf unable to do anything.

A low voice brought her back to reality.

"Cristina… please…. Open the…"

Sheperd swallowed hard and Cristina saw blood trickling down his nose. His Adam apple rolled in his throat and his face tilted to the side, his eyes still open.

She ran to the door and tore down frantically the barricades Dunn had built hours before.

* * *

"What are we waiting for?"

Owen's exasperated voice boomed in the hallway and Webber sighed.

The time Dunn had asked was over and his surgeon was chomping at the bit.

And to tell the truth he was too.

Falks had led them downstairs, in the center of the operations, and was talking to his men.

Richard's heart had sank in his stomach seeing them all dressing up and preparing with weapons and flak jackets. He had deluded himself everything would end up without a fight but, apparently, Falks wanted to be ready for anything.

The minutes were passing and worry and agitation were growing with it.

Hunt was raking his hands in his hair every minute, he was marching up and down the hallway like a lion in the cage and this was making Webber nervous too. He kept looking to his clock and then beyond the door, to the corridor leading to the room. Everything was calm and silent and his eyes searched the door like it could open any second.

Falks was talking to Brig with a big map in his hands and Webber saw, in the corner of his eyes, Hunt getting closer, his body language talking of impatience and nervousness.

He decided to take part to the conversation himself before his surgeon could overstep again. Owen was a good guy, but the situation didn't ease personal relationships and Richard had learnt he could be very impulsive and vehement. Add fuel to the fire wouldn't help anybody here.

He reached the group on man, closing his arms across his chest.

"So you'll wait here and the other unit down there. Is it clear?" Falks instructed Brig pointing to a recess on the plan and his officer nodded. Caldwell's boss looked to all the present nodding "We're ready"

The cop walked away and Falks looked to Webber and Hunt.

"I want you to wait here"

"No"

Falks sighed in front of Hunt's reaction and Webber did too. He got his surgeon's reasons but he got also Falks'. He decided to let Andrew resolve this matter.

"Dr. Hunt… I know what you're thinking and you'll be right here to welcome your friends. But I can't let you in before the situation is secured"

"You don't even know what you'll find in there"

"That's why I don't want you in the way"

"They could be in need of medical treatments"

"And you'll be right here. But I want to take Dunn out before and it's not negotiable"

"I spent three years of my life in Iraq… Give me a damned jacket and I'll come with you. This isn't negotiable either"

Webber waited with trepidation Falks' answer. He felt relieved when the man nodded and gestured one of his man to get closer.

"Give dr. Hunt a jacket. He'll come with me" the officer walked away and came back seconds later holding what requested. He handled it to the doctor and disappeared. Owen opened the belts and started wearing the garment. It felt strange doing it again. It had been months since last time he had been protected by a military clothes and now he was there, in the heart of his hospital, the place he had meant to build a new, safe life, preparing like he was going to face a raid in some random enemy field. He raised his eyes sighing and realized Falks was gone. The corridor was completely empty with the exception of his person and Webber. He looked to his chief quizzically.

"Falks has summoned up a last briefing. He'll call Dunn at the end of it"

"Ok"

A thick silence fell in the room and anybody felt to break it. Hunt finished dressing up and locked eyes with Webber, who was staring incredulous to his clothing.

Hunt got what he was thinking and cleared his throat.

"I didn't think I would wear one of this ever again"

"I know… I just want this to end soon… possibly fine"

"Me too… Meredith?"

"Bailey has sedated her before. She'll call her when they're out" Webber read next question on Owen's face and answered before it was even asked. "Cristina's mother's plane landed ten minutes ago. She's going to be here in half an hour… and Derek's relatives too"

"Good"

"Yeah"

Hunt felt the need to have a minute by himself and walked away, pacing in the room, his eyes fixed on the floor. A part of him was happy this was almost over but a big part of him was scared something could go bad. What if William changed his mind? What if he decided to buy some more time? What if something had happened in these last minutes? Falks wasn't willing to let him lead the game again. Dunn wanted or not, his time in there was over and he had to come out.

Hunt closed his eyes for a moment, pushing negative thoughts away.

They were useless and didn't help anybody.

The Chief was probably thinking the same too. He had retired in the farthest corner of the room.

His eyes were down and he looked empty, a man much different from the one Hunt had learnt to know and appreciate during his months in Seattle.

This story had changed everybody and, deep down, Hunt hoped the change wouldn't be definitive.

He raised his eyes and launched them to the desert corridor behind the door out of instinct. His mouth fell agape and he had to squint to be sure he wasn't daydreaming.

Cristina had just come out of the room.

She was walking towards him.

Covered in blood and tied.

"Oh my God… Webber!"

He didn't wait for an answer. He shoved the door open and ran to Cristina, hearing Richard yelling behind him for help.

She looked awful and she was gagged and Owen's heart fell in his gut.

She was crying and he forced the tissue out of her mouth, probably hurting her.

She sobbed harder and Owen patted her shoulders, lowering his eyes to get where the blood was coming from.

"Cristina…"

"Just go in" she muttered through the sobs and pulled his sleeve… trying to drag him in the room. Hunt was

speechless and confused. All he could see was the blood on her pants, on her sleeves… everywhere.

"You're hurt…"

He tried to stop her but Cristina pulled his arm stronger.

"Just go in… please"

Owen realized it was the only thing she really wanted. She was standing and walking and talking. And she was pleading him with her eyes.

He stroked her cheek and hurried to the door, ignoring Falks yelling to him to stay out of there.

He leant his hand on the doorframe and stopped dead in his track taking in the scene in front of him.

The floor was covered in blood and there was a muddle of limbs on the ground.

There was someone lying on the floor and a man splayed on him.

Owen came out of his trance when he saw two bloody, shaky hands raising from the ground and trying to push the body away. He got closer and he felt his stomach churning realizing Derek was the person on the floor and Dunn was lying on top of him.

"My God… Derek…"

His colleague's face was ghostly pale and Hunt lifted Dunn from the armpits.

He was out cold and he dragged him away, gasping once Sheperd's body was discovered to his sight.

He was covered in blood… his upper half completely and his right thigh too.

Hunt felt dying when Derek lifted a hand and gripped something on his chest… a knife was still sank in his body.

Owen stopped when his back bumped against the wall. He let William slip to the floor and he was running to his colleague when something caught his attention.

Despite the gravity of the situation, he couldn't believe his eyes when he realized Dunn's pants were open on the front and his member was outside his slips, flaccid but visibly turgid.

He shook his head and brought a hand to his stomach, risking to gag, but then a moan startled him and he looked back to Derek, his eyes widening in horror.

Sheperd was trying to rip the knife out of his body and Hunt knew it could be a bad idea. He launched towards his colleague but he arrived too late.

Derek pulled the blade out screaming and let it fall on the ground panting.

"Sheperd…"

Owen could feel his voice shaking but he couldn't help it. There was blood… too much blood. So much he didn't get where it came from, it looked like it came from everywhere. He stared down to Derek without knowing what to do, where to act. The wound he had just pulled the knife from was hissing and Owen decided to start from there. He applied pressure with all his weight and Sheperd's eyes snapped open, frightened and far.

"Derek…" he wasn't looking to him and Hunt tried to catch his attention, root him somewhere "Derek, it's Owen" he shivered when Derek's eyes found his, he saw his friend swallowing and glanced to the door expecting someone to come and help him. He needed help, Sheperd needed help. "It's me… it's over… just stay here, ok?"

Derek sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. Hunt could feel his heart and breath slowing down. He looked to the door furiously and yelled with all the air in his lungs "Help! I need help… now!"

He stared down to Derek, his eyes were open again. Probably the yelling had woken him up. Their eyes locked and Owen felt tears building up in his eyes. He couldn't cry… he couldn't cry. He swallowed the knot down and tried to talk.

"Stay with me , Sheperd…"

Derek closed his eyes and Owen detected a little shook of his head. He was giving up and Owen couldn't accept it.

"You're gonna be fine… I promise… You're gonna be fine"

Sheperd opened his eyes and shook his head again. A tear rolled down his cheek and Hunt couldn't control a wave of anger raising from his heart. This wasn't fair, Derek couldn't die, he couldn't give up. He pressed down more energetically and locked eyes with his.

"Damn it, Derek! You won't die on me! You hear that? You won't die on me!"

Hunt heard finally footsteps and looked to the door. Falks and two officers entered the room, gasping seeing the doctor on the floor. Webber followed them and Owen saw all color draining out from his face.

"What the hell happened?"

Falks knelt on Dunn and felt his pulse point.

"I don't know. I need a gurney here…"

Silence filled the room and Hunt looked to Webber, who was frozen on the door, his eyes locked on Derek's blood covered body. Panic rolled over Owen again.

"Webber… I need a gurney… now!"

Richard didn't budge. An officer received Hunt's order and hurried out of the room. Owen heard him yelling in the hallway and focused back on Derek.

His chest was slowing down underneath his hands. His breath was shallow and raspy. The amount of blood soaking his shirt and floor was making Owen nauseous. His heart skipped a bit when Derek moaned and opened his eyes. He lifted a hand and touched Hunt's. Owen felt like a block of ice had fallen on him. New tears risked to spill out but he pushed them back.

"Derek… listen to me… stay here… stay here… you can do it… I know you can… stay here, help's coming… just stay here"

Derek's chest stiffened and a rattle escaped his lips.

A tear escaped his eyes and Owen realized his heart had stopped pumping.

* * *

I apologize but I promise this isn't the end.

This isn't the end of my fic and this isn't Derek's end either.

I chose to make almost all of this chapter about Derek and Dunn.

The reason... you'll get it in next chapters.

I think what I wrote here has been awful, probably one of the worst scene I remember (and I've read a lot of fictions) but I needed it like that.

I hope you won't leave me and I hope that, who's reading this, will let me know.

I obviously want to know how you feel after this but, if you don't feel to say anything, just spend one second as I haven't really understood how many you are.

There's going to be a bit of await now... I need to finish the other chapter of TFTWCE and then I'll be back writing on this.

Derek will eventually survive... I hope you will too.


	22. KEEP BREATHING

No comments before... See you after!

* * *

Hunt was a man who always knew what to do.

He was a trauma surgeon and that required a few, essential qualities.

Calm, dexterity, cold blood.

That was the first secret of a great trauma guy.

Facing traumatic wounds and patients, gushing holes and ruined bodies implied a great self-control. And surviving long months in the hell of a civil war had given Major Hunt the best, or worst, it depended from points of view, training a doctor could have.

He didn't get impressed in front of anything as he had seen things most of his colleagues could just imagine in their worst nightmares, he could work under big stress as nothing could be compared to working under a rain of bombs and grenades, he was used to have nothing to work with and all what he had found in the hospital had been a gift.

His hands were his best talent and now they laid on Sheperd's chest, idle. And unable to translate into action what his brain was suggesting him to do.

Owen's eyes hadn't budged one inch, they were still fixed on Derek's face and his brain was frozen.

He felt like time had stopped, like hours had passed and he was still there, doing nothing.

Just remembering and panicking. Panicking and remembering.

_Who the hell are you?_

_Army surgeon badass, did something crazy with a pen on a guy's throat._

_Well, I would appreciate it if you didn't give my patient and his wife false hope._

_Until you've exhausted all the options, it's not false, it's just hope. Maybe you should keep current on your research._

_Buffalo gen's patient was 20 years old, in prime cardiac fitness. My patient is in his 60s and is a very risky candidate. I would prefer he live to see his grandchildren. Dr. Torres, book an O.R. And please tell this patient that this procedure is not an option, despite uncle Sam's assessment._

Owen closed his eyes for a second, he couldn't let his mind being infested by memories. It wasn't time for it yet and he needed to do something.

Out of years of training and practice, his hands shifted on Derek's chest and he started compressions. He felt Sheperd's breastbone give in but went on, he opened his eyes and took a quick look around.

Webber was still on the door, his face and body paralyzed .

The situation they had found went far beyond the worst scenario and Hunt got it had to be blood curling for Richard. He knew Derek for a lifetime and now he had found him badly injured, a step to die. Actually dead right now. He needed help to divert this situation and Webber was out of games.

He focused on his colleague again, he shivered feeling Derek's body convulsing under his hands but he went on. He had counted to ten and it was time to do even worse than compressing, it was time to breathe for him. He raised his hands, blood covered hands, and closed Sheperd's nostrils, inflating oxygen in his unmoving lungs.

Owen started pumping on Derek's heart again. He raised his eyes and saw Falks, hands in his hair, standing in front of him, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say.

He wasn't a doctor but he could be better interlocutor than the Chief right now.

"I need a crash cart"

"What?"

"I need a crash cart, like now"

"My cop has called assistance… Some of your colleagues are coming down…"

Falks' voice was flat and defeated. He wasn't missing a moment of Owen's triage but the surgeon got from his stare he had lost hope. A wave of rage raised from his gut. He had trusted this man all along this siege, he had trusted him and now, he didn't know why, he needed him to trust his skills and firm belief he could bring Derek back.

"I need a crash cart… now…"

He took a furious look around, the room was unsupplied with the elementary equipment. He stopped his hands and blow life in Sheperd's body again.

He resumed reviving all over again feeling like years had passed and nothing had been done.

He felt hurried footsteps down the hallway and breathed out in relief when he saw Teddy and Karev appearing on the doorframe. A cop had blocked their way in and Hunt barked to make him move.

"Let them come in"

The officer moved aside and Owen saw Teddy gasp. She had assessed the situation, the blood pooled on the floor and Derek's lifeless form. Even Karev looked frozen and Hunt shook his head, he bent forward and breathed in Sheperd's mouth again.

He breathed out when he finally saw Altman getting closer and kneeling near him.

"I need a crash cart"

His voice shook and Teddy could read all his despair, she looked up and Alex ran away.

The time she turned to look to Owen and Derek again, Hunt had resumed compressions.

"How long has he been down?"

Owen shook his head. He wasn't going to give up anyway. He had pushed the sixth compression and was almost ready for a new breath.

"Owen… how long has he been down?"

"One… two minutes… he was awake when I got in here"

Owen stopped and Altman bent forward, he felt relieved he had someone actively helping him.

The last seconds had been a blur, he had been so taken in CPR that he hadn't realized the loss of blood had increased. There were two places new pools had formed and Altman was trying to make a first appraisal of Derek's lesions. She shook her head, sitting on her heels.

"There's too much blood"

"Where the hell is Karev?"

New voices and rumors filled the corridor and finally Alex arrived, pulling a cart.

"I did the faster I could"

"Charge to 250"

Karev started to fight with wires and pressed a button. The equipment hissed and he took the paddles, handling them to Hunt.

"It's ready"

"Connect a monitor to his pulse point and wrist…"

"Owen…"

Teddy's uncertain voice arrived to Hunt and he looked to her, the paddles ready in his hands. She was making compressions and Owen read in her eyes the same sensation he had proved minutes before.

"I know, Teddy. But we need to revive him first…" He straightened up, leaning the paddles to Derek's chest; Alex raised his hands, he had stitched little samplers to Sheperd's skin the best he could, blood making everything slick. The dull sound of flat line filled the room. He backed off and Hunt cleared his throat "Clear!"

He felt the static shot Derek's body and looked expectantly to the monitor, the continuous beeping kept dinning them all.

"Charge to 300, Karev"

He prepared again and sent a new wave through Sheperd's body. He breathed out when the sign of a weak pulse bounced on the screen.

"Ok… where's the hell is my gurney?"

"Outside"

Karev disappeared out of the room and Teddy locked eyes with Owen.

"He's barely breathing"

"He may a have punctured a lung… The wound hissed when Derek pulled…"

Hunt stopped, all the adrenaline repressed in the last minutes rushed in his body in an unpleasant way. He closed his eyes for a second and Teddy touched his arm.

"What the hell happened?"

"I have no idea…"

He looked down to Derek, his chest was rising and falling almost imperceptibly. The battle had just begun and his energies and vital functions were reduced to the minimal degree. His eyes darted to the corner of the room, where William was lying, still unconscious, guarded by two cops. A revolt of anger shook Owen and he looked sternly to Falks.

"What do you plan to do with that animal?"

"We're gonna move him somewhere else"

"Get him out of my sight before I do things I'm sure I wouldn't regret"

"Dr. Hunt…"

Owen stood furious and pointed a finger against the officer.

"Don't you dare!"

"Calm down, please… He's injured and needs treatments"

"And like hell he's going to get those treatments here!"

"Owen!"

Teddy's voice sounded urgent and commending and he looked down to her. She was making her best to apply pressure on Sheperd's chest and Hunt sighed. He knelt down and their eyes met.

"I don't think this is the moment to argue about him"

"You're right… I'm sorry but…" he closed his eyes and Teddy saw him fighting tumultuous emotions. She had no idea what he had seen once entered in that room, she had no idea what he had heard or seen before, but she knew that just kneeling there with a man they both considered a friend bleeding out underneath their fingers was enough to set anybody off.

"Breathe, Owen…"

Alex arrived running with a gurney and he pushed it inside, lowering it to ground level. He crouched near Altman.

"I've instructed to prepare us a Trauma Room… to close corridors and everything"

"Ok… we need to move him, asap. Owen…"

"I'm ready… We don't know if he has damages to the spine so it's better we move him quietly. Karev…"

Alex stood and gripped the gurney, he pulled it where Owen was kneeling and laid it to the floor. He crouched near Sheperd's body, trying to choke the fear and panic which were filling him seeing how pale and hurt he looked. Teddy had gripped Sheperd's shoulder and Hunt was keeping his neck, they nodded to each other.

"I'm going to roll him on the side, Owen will keep his spine in line and you will push the gurney underneath him, ok?"

"Ok"

"On my three then… One… two… three"

Teddy pulled Derek's shoulder and hip towards her, a moan escaped Sheperd's lips and Owen nearly lost his handle out of shock.

"Just keep going, Owen"

"He's waking up"

"Just keep going"

Alex moved the stretcher below Shepherd's back, both Altman and Hunt rolled him on the flat surface. Owen secured ties on Derek's chest and hips, he lifted his eyelids and flashed a penlight in his pupils.

"They react to light…"

"That's good"

"I don't think so…"

Hunt shared a quick look with Teddy and then looked back to Shepherd, he leant his palm on Derek's sweated forehead and cleared his throat.

"Derek… can you hear me?"

Sheperd's eyes fluttered open for a millisecond and then drooped closed. Teddy lowered her ear on his chest.

"He needs oxygen… he's not getting enough. Let's pull this thing up and go"

Owen nodded and gestured Falks and two officers on the door to get closer and help.

"On my three you're gonna lift him up. Slowly… Can you do that?"

The men nodded and adjusted around the gurney like dr. Hunt had instructed. They all looked to him.

"Karev?"

"I'm ready"

"Ok… One… two… three"

The stretcher Derek was lying on landed on the wheels. Teddy ran to the bed and took a blanket, he covered Sheperd's body, sighing.

"We're ready"

Teddy and Alex pushed the gurney out of the room and Owen stood there for a second. He took a look to the room, bile raising in his throat contemplating the mess on the floor.

Blood, scissors, a knife, gauzes.

He stroked his eyes and breathed in and out several times.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, he saw Falks standing in front of him.

"Dr. Hunt… I..."

Owen shook his head and the man silenced, there was nothing he could say to ease the surgeon's state of mind. He was shocked himself and he sighed thinking that, soon, he had to go and shake Webber. "I told one of mine to lead dr. Yang in a quiet place. She looked fine… scared… and with some bruise but… fine"

Owen nodded. He thought he would feel relieved knowing Cristina was fine but he didn't. Derek's body was flashing in and out his mind continuously. He took a deep breath, he had lost already too much time.

"I need to go now"

He hurried out of the room and Falks followed him till the doorframe, he saw the doctor running down the hallway and gestured two of his officers to get close. He turned around and saw Webber leaning against the door, a hand on his eyes. He patted his shoulder, trying to give him some kind of comfort but got anything in response.

"You should go with them, Webber".

Nothing, it was like talking to the wall. Falks gestured the cops he had summoned to give him some more minute. He cleared his throat, massaging Richard's back soothingly, he couldn't believe how things had gone downhill so quickly. "Webber… you should join your doctors and do all you can to save that guy"

"I can't"

"You do… I know this is horrible, I know it's hard. But he's still alive… you need to do all you can for him to stay like that"

Webber looked up, shaking his head slightly.

"I know that you feel in shock and you have every right to be but… I'd give anything right now to have a chance to save my men… but I can't as they are already gone. Your doctor… dr. Sheperd is not and he's a fighter… you need to do all you can before you regret you could do it and didn't"

Richard looked to him for the first time, his eyes were different from anything Falks had seen before. Worry had left place to fear, confidence to despair. Webber couldn't surrender right now. Andrew shook him violently.

"You need to react, Webber! You're still the Chief here. Your doctors need you, if you give up, everybody will… I want you to reach dr. Hunt, I want you to act like the leader you've been up to now… It's not the moment to drift away… it's not the moment to cry. Maybe that moment will come but… remember what you told dr. Grey before… You can't back off until there's hope… you can't"

Richard's gaze wandered around the room without setting anywhere. Every place, every spot, every detail was painful and torturous. But nothing was as unbearable as the idea of seeing Derek suffering, of delivering Meredith this news, of delivering mrs. Sheperd… Sloan… everybody this news. He hadn't this strength in him.

Suddenly a moan filled the room and Webber's eyes shifted to Dunn.

"Falks…"

The two officers who were standing near Dunn looked to their chief meaningfully. He was waking up, his hand landed on his head and he hissed something impossible for them to get from their position. He started to straighten up but stopped realizing his penis was dangling off his pants. He took care of it, moving cautiously and confused on the floor. He took a look around and grimaced in pain backing against the wall.

"I think I need a doctor"

He touched his temple and brought his hand under his eyes, flinching when he saw blood. His eyes focused on Falks and the two officers who were still standing near him, still and alert. He sent them an evil look and hissed.

"You heard that? I need a doctor… and I don't think Shepherd will be available"

Webber felt his heart explode in his chest and for the first time in his life it was for a foreign emotion. It wasn't out of love, it wasn't out of fear, it wasn't out of regret. It was out of hate and revenge. In this really moment all he wanted to do was lay his hands on Dunn and not to treat him. Falks saw the rage shining in his eyes and put a restraining hand on his chest, blocking him.

"Webber… go and do what I told you"

Richard looked to him swallowing, angst and rage slowly steaming off. Falks was right. William was black hole and Derek could need his help.

"I want him out of my hospital. Now"

He sent a last look to the room and marched out, closing his eyes when he heard William laughing.

* * *

"Sshhhh… breathe, Grey"

Bailey was soothing Meredith's back.

After she had given her a sedative, they had found shelter in an On Call Room.

By now everybody knew what was going on, the news Derek and Cristina were held hostages within Dunn's room had spread like a virus in the whole hospital. Miranda had got it from the pitiful looks Grey had received while she was leading her in the quiet and darkness of that space.

Fortunately everybody had had the brain and touch not to say anything and Miranda had succeeded in having her resident lay down a bit, try to rest.

Useless try.

Grey had followed her like a drone. She had swallowed all the pills Bailey had given her, accepted to spend some time in the OCR, but she had never closed an eye.

Miranda had deceived herself she finally would, her body would give up to tiredness and exhaustion but she had been wrong. There was something stronger than weariness flowing in Grey's veins right now, a powerful feeling, a mixture of regret, guilt, fear, blind terror.

She was laying curled on one side, her eyes open and blank, focused on a distant and fictional spot. Her breath was even, but sometimes a gasp left her mouth, a sniffle, a groan. It was like she was trying to express something but she was too numb and desperate to produce a coherent word, a sentence, anything.

Bailey had tried to give her hope, confidence, a hint of optimism she was forcing herself to have but everything had been useless and she was limiting to rub her back.

Her pager beeped for the third time in two minutes and she looked at it.

Some moron was paging her from trauma and all that she wanted was walking down there and kick someone's ass badly, just for the pleasure to do it. For the need to do it.

Miranda herself was exploding.

She had succeeded to keep her emotions at bay for a long time; she had tried to stay cold, concentrated, positive; she had tried to be there and help. She had given support to Sheperd, then Sloan, now Grey… but the truth was that something had broken in her the moment she had understood the Chief had lied to her and was lying to Meredith. And, above all, the moment she had realized she was lying to Meredith herself.

The cruelty she had witnessed before in Webber's office was something she couldn't forget. She had met thousands of people in her life, many unpleasant, many annoying, many insensitive and uncaring of others' feelings. She had met a lot of people who had caused pain and suffering, but she had never met anybody who enjoyed inflicting those kind of things, who used words like weapons and weapons to conclude the disgrace.

Richard Webber was an upright man. He had grown old solving matters and crisis and managing people. He had seen people of every age dying in the most different ways. He had learnt to talk to people, discuss with people, treat with people. But for the first time in her life, and probably his, Bailey had seen him liquefying, buckling in front of a monster like William Dunn.

The contrast between swagger and fear, irreverence and caution, blind violence and powerlessness had become to a certain point unbearable, probably the moment Miranda had realized Webber's fright was not projected to avoid something in the future, but was addressed to something occurred in the past.

"_Are you mad as I had to maltreat him a bit?"_

_"You call that a bit? … He needs treatments"_

"_We won't worry about some scratch, will we? Unless he didn't tell you more and we're not talking about the little mark I left on his neck. Let's point out what this is about,_

_"This is about the way he walked and collapsed on me"_

_"I had to do something to teach him good manners"_

What had Dunn done to Derek?

A vocal explanation hadn't arrived. But more vexation… yes.

The room had imploded and they all had when William had started beating Derek up, live.

It had been unreal and blood curling being in there and hearing what was going in that room, the violence, the mock and derision, the threats, physical and psychological.

Everything had happened so fast and quickly, Dunn had shred appearances and buried the knife, he had poured salt in the wound and rubbed in it. Time had stopped while they had been obliged to hear a man hitting one of their closest friend, while they had held their breath hoping he would stop. And, to her fault and shame, Bailey hadn't been able to stay there and live that moment with the others. She had walked away, like if this act could put an end to everything. But it hadn't. She had been a coward, she had chosen not to know and turn the source of the disturb off. Derek hadn't stood the same choice, Webber hadn't either. They had been both obliged to stay there, far but close in their suffering, and wait for Dunn to decide all that fury could be enough.

So now the least she could do was stay there, watch Grey, be in the place Derek would like her to be.

There was nothing she could say to this woman, nothing she wanted to say.

The storm was still too alive in her heart and brain and she was confused, overwhelmed by the last week events.

Dunn's case had been a crescendo of misunderstandings, malpractice, superficiality.

Bailey had taken the chance to read his chart after Jackson's surgery and she had felt even worse than before.

This man had tried to manipulate the doctors from the beginning and he had fully succeeded.

So… from a different opinion about death penalty and the right of be treated, conflicts and spats had blossomed around his case. Sheperd, with a ring which was meant to be the viaticum to his happy ever after with Grey, had faced a sudden freeze in his relationship and everything had progressively spun out of control.

What hurt more now… what scared more Bailey was the knowledge that everybody had screwed up in Dunn's case but, paradoxically, these mistakes had brought them all closer to William. He had seen Grey as a reliable, kind doctor ready to fight for his rights and wishes; he had seen Bailey for the one ready to accept and tolerate his wishes if this meant to save a kid's life. The only person who had constantly denied him stuff, who had been indifferent to his late ambitions had been Sheperd. And the fact that Dunn had openly and immediately asked for him couldn't be a coincidence.

Bailey's pager beeped again and she snorted.

She just switched it off, saving the bother to check the id caller, she was sure she knew it.

"You can go if they need you"

Meredith's emotionless voice sounded in the room and Bailey sighed.

"My place is here now"

"What for? We haven't shared a word… anything"

"I just thought you didn't want to talk"

"I don't, actually"

"Still my place is here"

Bailey saw Meredith shifting on the mattress, she readjusted sucking in a deep breath and the conversation died right there. Miranda could hear her resident's breath in the total silence.

The calm and quietness of the room busted when someone opened the door excitedly.

Bailey turned to face the intruder, annoyed.

"What the hell… I told I didn't want to be bothered"

The nurse sent a quick look to Meredith and this pissed Bailey even more. Grey was giving her back to the door, but deep throats gossiping on her break down was the last thing she and her friends needed right now. Miranda stood and approached the woman sternly.

"Get out of here"

"We're paging you, dr. Bailey"

"And I said I didn't want to be paged. Find someone else"

She pushed the nurse out but, to her surprise, the woman reacted, trying to stop her hands.

"You don't understand…"

"No, you don't"

Miranda had almost succeeded in closing her and her stupid insistence out, but Nurse Debbie's whisper froze her.

"Dr. Hunt is paging you…"

"What?"

Bailey's eyes narrowed in shock. She knew Owen was down with the Chief, they were waiting for Dunn to come out. If Hunt was paging her, that meant the siege was over.

"Please, dr. Bailey… please"

There were tears in the nurse's eyes and Miranda froze feeling her hands pulling her sleeve.

No nurse had never dared to bother her when she had clearly told not to, no nurse had never dared to touch her. Nurse Debbie least of all. There was something really wrong in this.

"Bailey?"

Miranda turned around and saw Meredith looking at her, her eyes blood shot and red. She was sitting on the bed, probably the visit had disturbed her and Bailey felt sick at the perspective of lying to her again.

"It's just the pit but I need to go and take a look"

Meredith locked eyes with her and, for a moment, Miranda feared she was going to read the truth in her eyes. But then the young woman swallowed and nodded.

"Will you come back?"

"As soon as I can, Meredith. Just lay down, ok?"

Bailey couldn't control a sigh of relief when Grey fell on the bed again. She looked to the nurse and stepped out, in the hallway, closing the door behind her back.

The fake calm nurse Debbie had kept in Grey's presence disappeared and Bailey saw tears striking down her face.

"What's going on?"

Her voice was much softer this time but, to her surprise, the nurse didn't answer. She gripped her coat and started walking down the corridor, dragging the surgeon after her. Miranda felt her legs shake and tried to create a contact.

"Debbie… what's going on?"

Right, then left. The nurse pushed a door open and Bailey saw a crowd of nurses standing outside a visit room. Many were crying, many had hands on their mouths, in the hair. There were voices and noises inside and she recognized Hunt's.

It didn't sound like usual; there was urge, authority, but also a clear note of panic.

Nurse Debbie left her sleeve ten steps before the entrance and Miranda saw her breaking down, sobbing. She had to stop her brain and push her body forward to get into the room.

Her colleagues were hiding the patient but the smell of blood was pungent.

Suddenly Karev shifted to get a treatment and Miranda took a glance to the person lying on the table.

The world stopped right there, her heart jolted in her chest and she had to choke a sob.

"Oh my God…"

Altman and Hunt sent her a quick look and she crossed their eyes. She swallowed, licking her lips to say something but her throat was in knots. Owen rushed to her side.

"Bailey… we need you"

"What…"

Derek was still and he had changed his shirt… Before entering Dunn's room he had changed his shirt… As the one he had been wearing was light blue and now… now it was indaco… and it was slimmer… it folded his torso like a second skin and… why in hell had he changed it?

Owen got from her face she was shocked and he took her shoulders in his gloved hands, he gently shook her, Miranda's eyes leaving Derek and focusing on him lost and scared.

"Bailey… please… we're all shocked but I need you now… I need your hands…"

"I don't…"

Owen tried to find words to wake her, but the monitors beeping startled him. He turned around and saw Teddy hurrying to Derek's side.

"Teddy?"

"I've found a central but I need you here now"

Hunt left Bailey in the middle of the room and ran back to his place.

"How are the stat, Karev?"

"Heart is slow, pressure too"

"Have you asked for blood?"

"A nurse went picking it up"

"All right…" he lowered the sides of the gurney and loosened the ties he had adjusted before. He raised his eyes and saw Bailey standing next Derek, her eyes travelling down his body. "I'm gonna cut these clothes off, now. Bailey… take care of his leg"

Miranda felt her blood starting to circulate again in her veins, she pushed her coat down her shoulders and took a pair of gloves from the tray. She approached the table again and sighed seeing Webber entering the room, his face blank and pale.

Hunt had taken a scissor and was cutting in the mid of Sheperd's shirt, he proceeded towards his shoulders and sleeves and Teddy opened the two half in the while. As soon as she laid a hand on Sheperd's chest, she pulled her hand back, a frown appearing on her face while examining something sticky splayed on his gloves.

"What the hell is that?" she met Owen's stare but he looked away and she frowned again "it looks like…" her face turned into a mask of disbelief and she looked for Hunt's face.

"Owen…"

"It's sperm. Dunn ejaculated on him. Just go ahead, please. We need to check the wound"

Bailey closed her eyes, she felt a wave of nausea raising from her stomach and swallowed it down. Another one came and she sent it back. But the third was too sudden and strong and she turned around, vomiting on the floor. Everybody looked to her and Altman shook her head into Owen's direction. The surgeon got the message. He cleared his throat and tried to talk calmly.

"Bailey, it's better you go"

"I'm fine"

She cleaned her mouth with the back of her hand, straightening up. She looked pale and shocked and Owen insisted.

"Go"

"I said I'm fine…" her voice sounded harsh and she sighed. She took a pair of scissors herself and started to cut Derek's jeans starting from the knee. Even that fabric had stitched to his skin, blue had turned into red and Bailey had clearly seen a hole in Sheperd's pants. She sighed drawing a rectangular shape. She raised her eyes and watched Hunt cutting Derek's t-shirt. They all kept their breath when he finally removed the shred tissue. His face immediately changed and Miranda felt dying all over again. She stilled, the scissor in her hand and locked eyes with Webber. The Chief was crying now, his hands on Derek's face, stroking and caressing his cheeks, careful not to shift the oxygen mask someone had placed on his mouth, his eyes never leaving the butchery Dunn had made.

All the surgeons had immediately assumed Sheperd's conditions were border line, the amount of blood he had lost didn't promise anything good. But seeing directly all of that had been a shock and they all stood there, speechless.

Teddy looked to Owen and then breathed in. They were doctors and they needed to do their job. She rounded the table and approached Derek on the left side, she threw away soaked gauzes resting on his side and felt his chest with shaking fingertips.

"Three penetrating wounds… possible fracture to the breastbone…"

"It's sure it's broken, Teddy. We both felt it before"

Hunt was examining the gushing hole in Derek's side, he flinched realizing it looked very deep. His eyes travelled up his friend's body and narrowed discovering another injury. He swallowed looking up, trying to get what the others were doing.

Karev was staring at Derek's stomach, touching his abdomen and Bailey was silently proceeding to cut out his jeans completely.

She had taken consciousness without even being the doctor running the visit that Sheperd's kidney could have been damaged by Dunn's knife, they needed to check his urine and she was groggily removing his pants.

Teddy was still focused on Derek's chest, where three ugly and angry holes had tortured his skin.

She touched the edges of the wounds shaking her head.

"I need to run an ECG and scan asap… he may have punctured the heart…"

"This lung is pierced for sure…"

Altman met his gaze doubtful and Owen moved Derek's arm cautiously, revealing a wide wound in his higher torso, right under his right armpit.

"There's something here too"

They all looked down where Bailey's hands stayed idle, one span under Derek's navel.

Owen felt like someone had showered him with biting ice. He shook his head and then turned around, taking a needle from the cart near the door.

"We need to stabilize him and then go straight to the OR. Where the hell is the blood?"

"It's coming" Teddy breathed out "but even if we transfuse blood, it's not gonna work, Owen. We need to close these wounds"

"We haven't time" he stepped close to Webber, his shoulder brushing the Chief's and plunged the needle in Derek's neck. Teddy looked to him in shock.

"What are you doing?"

"It's morphine…"

"We've already pushed 10 mg…"

"He was waking up before and I need to be sure he's not feeling while I do what I need to do"

"What are you talking about?"

"Packing him…"

"Hunt…" Bailey shook her head, her brain was refusing what Owen was proposing.

"I know it's usually our last option but it's the best here… We need to bring him straight in and we need to tampon the bleeding. So take these…" he passed gauzes to Bailey "and do what we have to"

Miranda picked up the dressing with shaking hands and looked down to Sheperd's thigh.

A nurse rushed into the room with several blood bags in her hands. She placed them on the cart and started fixing one to the IV pole.

"I'm ready to open the flow" she turned around and looked to Hunt. Owen realized she was trying everything not to look to Derek, a half-naked, completely defenseless and vulnerable Derek.

He pushed the awkwardness away and took the IV himself, adjusting it on the central line Teddy had positioned before.

"Go"

The nurse opened the little valve and the red river of oxygen and life fell from the bag into Derek's body.

"Make sure they have far more units for surgery"

"Sure sir… I'm going to pick them up myself"

The nurse disappeared and Owen went back preparing treatments.

"I think we can't just take him in…"

Alex's shaking voice called his attention.

"What now?" scorned the trauma surgeon.

"This doesn't look like a stab wound…" added Karev whispering… his hand still on Sheperd's stomach. "I think he shot him"

"What the hell are you saying?"

Altman pushed him roughly aside. She feared Alex could be right, she didn't doubt his skills but the fact he could be right on his assumption. She bent forward, touching the wound and the surrendering area. Owen got the answer when she closed her eyes sighting.

"He's right… The skin is burned around the wound… and these blisters… they aren't even just formed…"

A thick silence fell again in the room and Owen turned on himself, looking up. He forced everything out of that room and cleared his throat.

"Ok… Bailey stop. We need to flip him and see if there is an exit wound…" he marched to the other side of the table. "Let's move" he locked eyes with Richard and the Chief moved his fingers. His palms opened and he stopped caressing Sheperd, from friend he became doctor and his touch changed too. From caring to professional, his grip became firm to prevent his face and neck to move. "Here we go" Hunt took Sheperd's shoulder while Alex rolled his hip. They scanned his back quickly looking for something. "I don't see anything…"

"There's something down there"

Owen followed Alex's gaze and saw a little point in the small of Sheperd's back. He passed a finger on it to rule out it could just be clotted blood and, once assured it wasn't, he snorted.

"I think it's just the rear of the belly's wound… Let's put him down"

They rolled Derek back and Richard's eyes widened when he realized Sheperd's ones were open, far and blank. He caressed his face and panicked when he saw Bailey preparing to put a gauze into his open wound.

"Stop!" Miranda looked to him confused. "He's awake"

Owen rushed near Sheperd and placed a hand on his shoulder. He bent forward to reduce the space between the two of them and enter his visual field.

"Derek… can you hear me?"

He waited some second but got no sign from his colleague. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"Derek… it's Hunt… can you hear me?" He took his hand and squeezed it, waiting for a sign, anything which could prove Sheperd was really there, behind empty and glassy eyes. Nothing happened and Owen took a penlight out of his pocket. He lifted Derek's eyelid and shone it in his pupils. He sighed looking to Webber.

"He's conscious but I think he's too stoned, Richard. We need to go on and do what we had decided to do"

"Not if he could feel something…"

Bailey's trembling voice sounded barely audible but Owen shook his head.

"I don't think he does. We have flooded him with morphine but… finally… there's just a way to know it"

He rounded the table and stood beside Bailey, he took a gauze and started to push it into Derek's thigh. He breathed out in relief realizing Derek was completely still and indifferent to his ministrations. He set a hand on Miranda's shoulder.

"Go ahead. I'm going to take care of his chest"

He moved a step aside and took bandages, Miranda was deep wrist into Derek's thigh and Owen calmed down; packing Derek's wounds was upsetting, doing it knowing he was out cold was a sort of relief. He pushed two fingers into the wound near his armpit and flinched realizing it was deep and much wider and extensive inside that outside. A wave of rage filled him acknowledging what this meant. He hated to be a doctor in these situations, he hated to know and understand things. Dunn had probably put much effort in hurting Derek like that, he had plunged the knife in his body and twisted and pulled and turned to dig a cave like that. He moved forward but froze when a loud moan escaped Derek's lips, startling them all, and Sheperd's gripped his elbow, probably the closest thing he had found. There was strength in that grasp and Owen realized Derek was trying to push him away and had even tried to lift his head before exhaustion had flattened him on the gurney. He was continuing to fight though and Richard was trying to keep his head still.

"Derek… Derek… it's Richard. It's me. Calm down…"

His voice wasn't producing any effect though and Owen took a needle and inserted it in Sheperd's ribs.

"What are you doing, Hunt?" the Chief's voice sounded almost panicked.

"I'm trying to numb the area. I need to finish this"

He pulled the syringe out and waited.

Derek's eyes were rolling in his orbs, like he was trying to get where he was. His arms were moved by tiny bitty tremors. Only his legs were still despite Bailey's hand was still deep in the wound. Fear kicked Owen's gut again. The doubt spread like a virus in his brain and he cleared his throat.

"I think you can finish, Bailey"

Her eyes narrowed in surprise and she looked to him stunned and then to her hand.

"I… you haven't anesthetized him…"

"It's not necessary"

"What?"

Hunt sighed and approached her. Before Bailey could understand his intentions, he grabbed her wrist and pulled it out. He then took clean gauzes and set them in the wound.

Derek never flinched or gave any sign of discomfort and Hunt sighed, his eyes meeting Bailey's.

"He has no sensitivity in his legs"

"Excuse me?"

"He has never moved them… even before… in that room… I have been too overwhelmed by events to put the pieces together but… he has never moved his legs since I found him. And now he has started wincing and lamenting when I've touched him up… but you were already working on his thigh. He hasn't sensitivity in his legs and this means we need to get where the bullet is lodged before opening him up. Let's just finish packing him and move… We're running out of time"

Owen took bandages and went back treating Derek's chest. He worked in silence, the only noise the beeping of the monitor and Sheperd's pants in the oxygen mask.

When Hunt was done there, he focused on his side. Even this laceration looked deep and wide and, on top of that, he clearly remembered the bruises which had been marked on Derek's skin before this worse nightmare. He touched his friend's skin and stilled for a moment sensing him flinching. Richard was trying his best to keep Derek still, one of his hand was still leant against his cheek, his thumb drawing soothing circles, but the other was pressing down firmly on his shoulder.

The Chief's throat was closing up feeling Derek's resistance. He was using his last energies to fight against him or someone he was seeing, probably the ghost of William Dunn doing God knows what to him. He tried to keep his touch gentle but panic filled him when he realized Sheperd had to be scared and totally confused. And now Hunt was probably going to hurt him again, involuntarily and trying to save his life, but finally causing more pain. He had felt enough pain, he had felt enough pain for a lifetime and Richard wanted him to feel at least safe.

He bent on his face and locked eyes with him. Richard had to swallow in front of the blinding contrast of his skin paleness, the red of blood splayed on his face and neck, the blue of his irises. He pushed words out of his mouth, talking slowly and clearly.

"Derek… Meredith is fine and Cristina is fine"

He felt Sheperd lessening the pressure against his hand and went on. Owen was ready to act on his side and Derek really needed a distraction.

"They are both fine and Dunn has been taken care of. It's over"

Sheperd flinched when Hunt's fingers inched in his wound, he closed his eyes and the monitors started to show altered vitals Teddy was more than ready to call.

"Pressure is dropping"

"Derek just stay here… just stay here" whispered Richard.

Sheperd's lips moved under the mask but Webber wasn't able to get the meaning of it. He stroked his cheek and looked into his eyes, wiping a tear away.

"Just breathe, Derek. It's over"

"Keep talking to him"

Richard's stomach churned seeing Hunt's hand buried in Derek's side. His eyes were squeezed shut and he felt him trembling under his hold. Webber cleared his throat and looked down to his surgeon, unable to form any coherent thought. He risked to crumble down when Derek's lips parted and a moan of utter agony crawled out.

"I'm almost done, Derek. Hold on one more second"

Hunt's face contorted in a grimace when he retrieved his hand. The wound was packed but what he had touched inside was making him nauseous. He pulled the bloody gloves out with a thud and marched towards Alex, talking to him low voice.

"Go and make sure there's nobody in the CT. We'll be there in five minutes"

Karev stormed out and Owen approached Teddy.

"How are his vitals?"

"Saturation is going down. We should intubate him, Owen"

Hunt nodded sighing. He knew being intubated while conscious was one of the scariest experience a man could live but Altman was right. Derek had surely a right pneumothorax, from the extension and the location of the stab wounds on his chest he could have one even on the left side. He had very likely several internal lesions, a bullet stuck somewhere. The draw was very negative and every drop of oxygen his weak and damaged body could get could make the difference between life and death.

"I take a tray… how is the heart function?"

Owen put new gloves on and took an intubation kit. Teddy was hearing Derek's heart. She raised to her full length and shook her head.

"It's compromised"

"What does it mean?"

"I don't know. I feel there is something going on but I don't get what. I need a CT to get if the arrhythmia depends on stress and blood loss or if there are damages"

"But you think there are… don't you?"

"All I know for sure is that he's going to have a stroke if we don't operate immediately" she patted Owen's shoulder to comfort him and comfort herself too "I'm going to see if the CT is ready. I let you finish here"

She walked out of the room and Owen's heart skipped a bit.

Finishing in there meant dealing with last of Derek's wounds, feeling him squirming and suffering, cleaning him up, catheterizing him, intubating him. A lot of stuff… a full load of it and Hunt wasn't sure he was up for all of them. Thanks God there was a monitor now to prove Sheperd was still breathing as, Owen, to the naked eye, wouldn't say he was. His chest was unmoving, only the little puffs of air clouding the mask showed a minimal pulmonary function which, Teddy had just said, was quickly and relentlessly deteriorating. Dying with all the pack. Derek's skin was shivery under the blood dried everywhere, his pulse was quick when it didn't slow down dangerously. Touching him was a Russian roulette Owen had to play despite himself.

He sighed and approached the table again, his eyes settled on the show the nurse had tried to avoid with every fiber of her being. Bailey had cut Derek's belt and jeans and folded it backward. His slips had been left to the public display. Blood had soaked the band and kneaded the cotton, a dark stain was clearly visible and both Owen and Miranda knew it was the moment to tear the last cover and piece of Derek's privacy. Bailey had stopped minutes before, unable to do it in front of Karev and Altman and everybody else, it felt bad no matter who was in that damned room and Hunt decided to take the plunge. He took a scissor and finished to cut even the other leg of his pants, the only part of his clothes and body not violated by Dunn's fury and then cut Derek's underwear. He immediately took a gown and covered him, they hadn't been wrong. Sheperd's urine and blood had mixed together and they needed to check stat how much functionality the kidneys had lost. Hunt took a catheter and got ready to do what necessary by himself. It was months he didn't do this operation but paging a nurse was the last thing in his mind. He leant his palm on Sheperd's scrotum and took the tip of his penis in his fingers, ready to insert the tube. He used a little pressure and the catheter went in, raising a little groan from Derek's side.

Webber tried to silence him, soothing him.

"It's done, Derek… it's over"

Sheperd's lips moved again in the mask and Richard lost this message too. He tried to make up stroking Derek's cheek but stilled when Sheperd's face tilted to the side, like if he was trying to avoid his touch.

"Derek…"

He got no answer and worried when the monitor announced a sudden increase of his heart beats. Owen looked to the monitor and rushed to Webber's side.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know… I touched him and he refused the contact… I think he was trying to tell me something but… I didn't get it through the mask"

Owen knelt beside the gurney, his eyes leveling to Derek's and his mouth.

He took Sheperd's hand and squeezed it, his friend's eyes focusing on him.

They were glassy and empty but they had been such for long and Owen's gut jolted trying to think what could be going on in Derek's brain. He was still alive after all of that, he was still awake after all of that. But he had to be in excruciating, unbearable, incessant pains, something some spit of morphine couldn't surely shut down, he had people touching him everywhere, unpleasant and unauthorized hands. He had to be confused and scared and exhausted.

Hunt had been told in med school that an awake patient had twice the chances to survive than a passed out patient. Looking straight in Derek's irises he discovered himself wishing he would lose consciousness as soon as possible.

He took in a deep breath and cleared his throat.

"Derek… it's Owen. Can you hear me?"

Sheperd blinked, his pupils fixed on Hunt. The trauma surgeon took it as a yes.

"I know you're scared and in pain, but morphine should kick in now. We're gonna take you to make a CT"

Blank, this topic didn't concern him very much, probably he felt there was nothing more he could do about it than keeping breathing or, at least, trying to do it.

"Meredith and Cristina are fine… They are fine"

A tear rolled down Derek's cheek and Owen had to swallow bile up. It could be a physical reaction to pain and meds, involuntarily and runaway, or it could be an emotional expression, a sign of a perfect and awful lucidity he didn't want Sheperd to have, he didn't want anybody in those conditions to have.

Derek's lips moved under the mask and Owen got just the first, then Sheperd's even breath clouded the plastic.

Meredith.

He did want to know something about Meredith, it was important enough to force his body into an effort who could possibly kill him and Owen decided to act as a friend and not as a doctor. He took the plastic mask and lowered it on Sheperd's neck, raising Richard's exceptions.

"Hunt…"

Owen dismissed him with his hand and looked to Derek, whose eyes were now closed. He was panting through minimal breaths, something enough to annihilate him. Without the artificial pump he really could not get enough air and Hunt felt guilty, he moved his hand to put the mask back but Sheperd's lips parted.

"Mer…"

He gulped and Owen didn't get if he had shortened the name like he used to do or if the rest of the word had died in his chest. Hunt squeezed his hand again.

"She's fine…"

He read a "don't want" on Derek's lips, a sentence he hadn't found the strength to turn into speech. Just the mere attempt had strained him and the monitor beeped, annoyed. The saturation was down to the limits. Owen read on Richard's face his own worry, he focused back on Sheperd who was trying to swallow and survive another wave of internal destruction. Hunt tried to prompt him.

"You don't want Meredith…"

Derek opened his eyes, there were tears pooling at the corners but Hunt ignored them.

"Talk…"

This time the word came out clear.

"About what?"

Hunt was really in the blue and the time was over. Derek sensed it too and made a last effort.

"Dunn..."

Reality clicked and tuned. Derek didn't want Meredith to talk or meet William Dunn ever again. The reason wasn't that clear and Owen didn't get why she would want to. But it wasn't the moment to investigate about that, Sheperd had wanted to deliver this message and Hunt now needed to restore his vitals. He squeezed Derek's hand to get his attention and shivered when Sheperd's eyes met his.

"Ok… I promise you. Meredith is fine and I'll keep her away from Dunn till you won't be able to do it yourself. But now you need to hold on and let me take care of you. I need to intubate you" Derek's eyes closed but Owen needed to believe it was just out of weariness "I need to let your heart and lungs rest and be supported. I know it's scary but it's the best thing I can do" he patted Sheperd's forearm and stood, handling the intubation kit he had prepared before. Richard saw him closing his eyes for some second and breathing out before coming back to the table. He stopped right behind Derek's head and cleared his throat.

"Close your eyes, Derek… don't fight me or the tube… I know it can be uncomfortable but the benefit will be much… I'm ready"

He straightened Derek's face and pulled slightly his chin backward. Hunt took a big breath, relaxing and relieving at the same time, Sheperd's eye were still closed and he opened his mouth, inserting the laryngoscope.

"The airways look…" congested, there were traces of blood. Hunt felt Derek flinching underneath him and decided to do something he had never done in his professional life: lie.

"look clean". He let the cannula flow down Sheperd's trachea and sighed when it came to destination "I'm done". He pulled the laryngoscope out gently and stretched his hand to take an ambu bag, adjusting it to the extremity of the tube coming out of Derek's mouth.

"I'm going to inflate air, Derek, just try to relax"

Owen squeezed the bag and Sheperd's chest rose, for the first time they were there visibly. He waited some second and pushed air in again. Derek's eyes were shut, tears were striking down his face and Richard felt the urge to caress him again, his fingertips wetting with a mix of blood, sweat and tears.

Owen patted his shoulder and handled him the ambu, he needed to clean Derek's body before taking him down for a CT. Fortunately the loss of blood had considerably slowed down. Externally at least. But inside it was still going on. Hunt took a look to the clock hanging on the wall.

10 minutes had passed since they had brought Derek in there, 20 minutes since his eyes had first seen the havoc. In his mind they had seemed like a lifetime.

Bailey cleared her throat near him and Owen looked down to her. She was gripping a sponge and had set a basin near the gurney. Hunt nodded and took a tissue himself.

He didn't know why, but out of instinct moved towards Derek's waist and groin. He was sure Sheperd would want him to take care of his intimate parts. Probably he didn't want anybody to do it, but, if someone had, better him than Miranda, a woman Derek liked, respected and, just for all of these reasons, didn't want anywhere around there.

Luckily Bailey shared the same feeling. She had approached Derek's head and her fingers were cautiously cleaning his chest, the half not affected by Dunn's cruelty. It was an easy job up there and she ended quickly. She wasn't ready to face Derek's damaged side so she took his arm and rolled it so that Sheperd's palm was looking upwards. His bicep was perfectly fine and clean, red colored his arm from the elbow down and Bailey started to clean it, careful not to shake and twist Derek's swollen wrist. She set it down once finished and proceeded to rub the upper part. Blood disappeared almost immediately but Bailey sucked in a sharp breath when dark, wide bruises were revealed to her sight. They occupied the whole length of his forearm and Bailey traced her fingertip on it. She didn't remember seeing it before. She stopped when she sensed Derek shivering under her touch, she looked to him but his eyes were still closed and she cleared her throat, rinsing the sponge off.

She gathered all her medical spirit when she started to deal with Derek's side.

The upper wound still leaked blood despite Owen's dressing. She tried to be light and delicate passing close to the hole but Derek winced anyway.

"I'm sorry"

She stilled and Hunt looked to her.

"I don't think it was you, Bailey"

"I know… but…" she closed her eyes and then looked up, pushing back tears. She shook her head quickly, as to push bad thoughts away and resumed her job. A wave of nausea raised to her throat seeing the amount of blood dried on Derek's abdomen. It was the place several wounds had reversed their blood loss. She passed her hands once and rinsed the sponge, it came back red and she looked down to her basin. The water had assumed a dust, dark color and she sighed. Before she could lift it to go and change the water, two hands entered her visual field and she saw Owen taking the washbowl and go away with it. Water flushed and a thud announced they were ready to go again. Miranda needed several passes to brush away layer after layer of blood and sweat but once she was done another shocking surprise caught her stare. She swallowed, her gaze lingering on Sheperd's ruined ribcage. She raised her eyes, meeting Richard's.

"You were talking about this before?"

Her voice was shaking but the accusing note it had assumed was clearly detectable. Owen raised his eyes and looked worried from Bailey to the Chief. Richard looked like someone who really didn't want to engage in any conversation, he was too busy in cradling Derek's face and blowing artificially life in his body, lost in a world he didn't want anybody to enter. But this topic involved a lot of people, all those who had chosen to let everybody in the blue. And Owen belonged to that group too.

"Bailey…"

"What?" she hissed "You said everything was fine" her voice was vibrating with anger and astonishment "every part of him is beaten up and bruised"

"I don't think this is the moment to talk about this"

"And which would be this moment? You've been hiding truth from me and everyone for hours now…"

"We did it for a reason and I'll explain it to you and I'll take my responsibilities when we come to it. But now we need to take him down to that CT and save his life and I need the all of you to do it. We need to stay together and focused… just don't argue with me now"

Owen snorted looking back to Derek. He was upset and disturbed too, Miranda could tell.

She watched him cleaning Derek's thigh, his belly and groin, the inner part of his thighs. He stopped a moment and Miranda clearly saw his fingers trembling before passing around his privates.

This whole thing was a torture and she breathed out to take composure back. Hunt was right. The last thing they needed was fighting and accusing each other.

She took her equipment and rounded the table, brushing Hunt's shoulder in the while.

This was her olive's branch and he took it, sending her a quick, sketched smile.

The fake expression he had just put on his face had nothing to do with how he really felt.

Bailey was right.

Lying to Meredith and Sloan and all the others had been a mistake.

The truth was that they all had put too much confidence in Falks, Falks had put too much confidence on his shrinks, his shrinks had put too much confidence on the need to believe Dunn just wanted to talk, having a conversation, measuring himself with someone who was not a delinquent.

That wasn't his purpose, it had never been as Hunt couldn't believe he had lost control and done that during a fit of madness. William had willfully and knowingly hurt Sheperd.

First beating the shit out of him, Miranda was right… there were bruises and contusions everywhere.

He had seen the mark on his arm when Bailey had cleaned it up and he had seen now Derek had one equal and matching on the other arm. Probably he had tried to protect himself and Dunn had slammed against his forearms, but it was not all.

As he had a dark spot under his shoulder, a giant one on his hip and then his ribs… the appearance was a hundred worse seeing it live and not shielded by a little screen.

Hunt had to be prepared for this… but he wasn't.

Or maybe he had been before seeing a bruise even near Derek's testicles, the last sign Dunn's violence hadn't been casual and instinctive, and a gunshot wound and the stabs he had lost count of.

He closed his eyes, trembling and gritting his teeth, and a likewise shaking voice startled him.

"Hunt…"

Miranda's voice broke the glass bell around him and he heard his pager beeping. He took it and read the message.

"In three minutes the CT is ready. Are you ready?"

"Almost… and you?"

"I'm done"

He checked quickly the packings and breathed out. Everything was clean now and the effect was almost worse. Derek's paleness was almost blinding, the dark holes on his body standing out strongly, and, just to shake the ground under his feet even more, his surgeon eyes lingered on Derek's belly. That hole looked different from the others. Narrow… tighter but deep, he had seen how deep, deep enough to reach the other side of Derek torso.

The scissor came back clear in his head, it was on the floor and it was bloody and another curtain tore apart in Owen's head and a new wave of anger… blind rage spread in his gut. He had preached calm but it was becoming more and more difficult. And in that moment truth exploded in his head.

Derek didn't want Meredith to talk to William for this reason, as hate was all that man wanted, the nourishment of his dark and wasted soul, the feeding of his doomed existence.

Sheperd had felt… was feeling he could die. Dunn had almost succeeded in taking away his life in the most cruel and violent way. Derek didn't want Meredith to waste her energies to despise someone who would enjoy that treatment.

And scorning William would be unavoidable looking how he had reduced Derek, knowing why he had done this.

Owen tried to control his quickened heart bit and breathing, he was the leading surgeon on this case and he couldn't surrender to his feelings especially as they were negative and destructive.

He couldn't let William Dunn enter that room.

He couldn't make even this wrong to Derek.

He couldn't let him die with such a ghost lingering in the air.

* * *

Sorry... deleted and posted again... I had forgotten a detail!

So Derek is still holding on and next chapter we'll have a lot of stuff going on.

I wanted to make this all about Sheperd's collegues, the emotions bubbling up treating a loved one, that's why we had only three scenes in the Whole episode.

I hope you liked it and I hope you'll review (last episode of TFWCE I got three reviews... pretty frustrating).

See you soon!


	23. COWARDS AND HEROES

Hey... here we go again.

New chapter... new tension.

Medical drama and emotional drama.

See you later!

* * *

These three corridors were looking never ending.

Right and then left and then left again.

Owen had probably walked through them thousands of times.

Many running to the OR, many heading somewhere Cristina was waiting for him, many pushing some badly injured patient to the CT.

But never like now he felt anguished and on the verge of panicking.

It was not a good feeling, not at all. Especially as Derek's life depended on him, on his skills, on his cold blood.

One wrong choice he would be dead; losing time… he would be dead. Unless he didn't die anyway. Which was now Owen's main concern.

He looked down to his friend. His face was pale… so pale it got lost in the white of the sheets covering the gurney. Bailey had covered Shepherd's body with a gown, they couldn't let him naked for everybody to see. It was already bad this way. Every doctor and nurse and resident and intern they had met on their way had recognized the man lying on the stretcher. Owen had read the astonishment and then the worry painting on their faces, they had opened like the sea in front of Moses, leaving them room to go where they were going.

Derek was drifting in and out of consciousness.

The intubation was supposed to help him, his vitals had bettered a bit. But the unconscious fight his body was opposing to the stranger equipment had minimized the benefits. Owen had seen his lids flickering open sometimes but he hadn't tried to establish any contact. To his fault and blame, he had felt speechless and almost in shock.

Derek's blue irises had flashed like lights in the night in contrast with his skin and Owen's throat had constricted dangerously.

So he had let Webber being the sympathetic doctor, he had let him caress and touch Derek all the time. Richard was clearly in need to do it, his hands looked unable to break the contact with Shepherd's face and, at this point, Owen doubted it was for his colleague's benefit. He was too stoned and drained out and, probably, in too much pain to feel that delicacy. The Chief needed to keep doing that for himself and Owen didn't want to take it away from him. They rounded the last corner and Owen sighed seeing the crowd of people pressed against the walls, waiting for them.

"Move" he barked to everyone and, fortunately, everybody stepped aside.

Karev kept the door open and Owen pushed the gurney in.

"How do they know?"

"I don't know. I stayed here all the time…"

"Ok… is everything ready?"

"Yes, sir"

Hunt maneuvered the gurney so that the head was parallel to the CT. He checked for the last time Derek's intubation and the gown covering him. He laid a hand on his shoulder while doing it and he realized Shepherd's eyes were moving behind his eyelids.

He forced the knot down his throat and decided to do what he had to do.

"Derek… it's Owen. We're at the CT. I'm gonna let you in now. Just one minute… you'll be out soon, ok? Just hold on"

He didn't get any answer obviously and secured the stretcher on the moving tray.

"Ok… we're ready. Are you going to stay here, Karev?"

"Sure… go to the screen room and tell me when you're ready"

Hunt patted his shoulder and headed to the control room with Webber. The small room was really crowded. Teddy and Bailey were already there but they had left the sits free for them. Owen sat and turned the microphone towards his mouth.

"Let him in, Karev"

Alex nodded through the glass and pushed the button. The tray started to move inside the machine and after some second the control panel hissed. The CT was working and Owen patted his fingers nervously on the table. Few seconds and the truth would be revealed, something he was really scared of. Another sound exited the instrument and the first images appeared on the screen.

They were lateral and peripheral. Owen pressed a button and they narrowed to Shepherd's chest.

He could hear Bailey's breath stopping behind his back. Teddy bent forward, her eyes fixed on the monitor.

"Enlarge please"

There was a big spot around Derek's heart and that confirmed their main concern. The organ had been damaged, how much… it was impossible to say it before opening him up.

"It looks like he's hemorrhaging from the superior vena cava… and the right atrium could be damaged too"

Teddy's diagnoses stopped there but Owen felt there was something more, something Teddy was afraid to admit. He knew it though. Cristina had shared too many of their cardio surgeries with him, too many failures and too many losses. Derek's heart could literally break any second, pump all the blood in his chest and stop beating irreparably. They needed to act fast.

"What about the lungs?"

He shifted image but the new ones weren't any better.

Wide haloes surrendered both lungs. Dunn had made his job really good.

"His right one is completely collapsed and…" Teddy swallowed, she couldn't find a term to define what she was seeing. If she didn't know the part of the body she was looking at, she couldn't really identify that mass as a lung. It had lost its shape, it was shriveled up and not in the position it should be. It looked like Dunn had tried to suck it out of Derek's rib cage. She shook her head and Hunt got she was not going to finish her sentence. He did it for her.

"Not functioning"

He tapped on the button several times and images followed one another quickly, horrible but not adding anything to what they already knew. Hunt stopped when he got a full view of Shepherd's lower torso. A dark point stood out to their attention.

He didn't need to point out what everybody was seeing. The bullet was still in the stomach and it could not be the reason of Derek's unmoving legs. His eyes darted elsewhere and he saw new troubles. A kidney had been shred and the small intestine was reversing its content in the abdomen.

Owen felt completely out of place and words. In this place he used to share his opinions with other doctors, he used to pop questions to residents. Everyone was silent now. They were running their personal appraisal of the situation in silence, as everybody was too scared to say out loud what everybody was seeing. And feeling.

Hunt was a surgeon for too much time not to know that CTs and MRIs were the place where all surgeons felt in their guts if the procedure was going to work or not, where they made their plans and odds about the surgery they were going to perform. He was trying to push his instinct out of that room, the reason out of that room. He couldn't accept what his brain and medical experience were screaming in his head.

"Switch to bones view…"

Webber's request sounded almost pitiful, like he couldn't watch that show anymore.

Hunt obliged, their CT was a new found of technology and efficiency. It could read both skeleton and tissues. But right now… right now Owen didn't find it amazing at all.

Images changed and new colors appeared on the monitors.

Blue indicated bones and red indicated fractures. Crimson blossomed on Derek's ribcage. But Owen had to squint when he saw a blue spot in a place he wasn't supposed to find any.

"What the hell is that?"

Teddy breathed out the question lingering in the air and the answer popped in Owen's brain like a thunder. It made sense… it awfully could make sense.

"It could be a fragment… a rib fragment"

"Stuck in his spine?"

Hunt tried to enlarge the view but the magic eye didn't provide anything more accurate. He sighed leaning back against the chair.

"We don't know if it's stuck or if it's just really close"

"Turn to screen body again…"

Owen followed Teddy's instruction and the images changed again. He got what her colleague meant but there was too much damage to get if there was an hematoma near the spine or if the bleeding they were seeing came from organs.

"It's impossible to establish if there's a spill or not"

"I think that's the last of our problems"

Richard stood and Owen turned around. The Chief was looking to the CT, his face contracted in a grimace. Webber was right, with all the stuff they had seen worrying on a possible hematoma sounded paradoxical.

"Owen…"

Teddy brought him back to reality and Hunt took the microphone.

"Get him out, Karev"

He stood and marched out of the room, Webber was standing on the doorframe, apparently not willing to get any closer now. Owen ignored him; if Richard needed a moment to collect himself, this was that moment. They were going to face hard times and the Chief would be crucial during surgery.

He reached the CT and leant a hand on the opening. The stretcher supporting Derek was coming out slowly. Suddenly the monitors started to beep and Alex rushed to read the parameters.

"V-fib… he's coding"

"Damn it… Teddy!"

Before he had even the time to turn around and search for the crash cart Teddy was by his side, pulling away the gown covering Derek. She stretched her hand and Hunt handled her the paddles. She rubbed them one against the other and cleared her throat.

"Charge to 200!"

"Clear!"

Derek's body jumped on the stretcher but no heart beat came back.

"Charge to 200 again!"

"Clear!"

Another static filled the air but nothing happened.

"Again, Owen… 200"

"Why don't you raise the voltage?"

"As I would split his heart in two… Charge!"

"Clear!"

Derek's chest bounced on the gurney and this time a signal came back on the screen.

"We have a pulse…"

Owen looked to the monitor. The stats were really precarious.

"It's weak…"

"Let's bring him in, Owen. We can't hope for anything better right now"

* * *

Meredith felt like the world had stopped.

Bailey had disappeared from a lot of time. She didn't know exactly how much, but it was a few.

And even if they hadn't shared more than two words, Meredith was missing her, her presence, her touch, her being Bailey… a friend, a mentor, a shoulder, a shelter.

Grey was starting to panic lying there on her own, she felt her fears bubbling up in her heart, awful thoughts entering her brain. The room was silent and dark and she couldn't stand it anymore.

She rolled down of the bunk bed and opened the door, light investing her.

She had just two corridors to walk through to get to the Chief's office and she was determined to close that distance quickly. Even if it was afternoon, there was an unusual calm in the department. It was probably the result of the lockdown Webber had imposed: no new patients, no routine procedures, no emergencies. She rounded the corner and arched her brows seeing the door to Richard's office open. She stopped at the doorframe, nobody was inside and her stomach jolted in her body. She took a look around but found no sign of upcoming presences and arrivals. It looked like everybody had walked away and this made no sense. What if Dunn called?

She turned on her heels but stopped seeing Patricia right in front of her.

The secretary was looking at her stunned and Meredith thought she had to look awful. She had cried, she hadn't slept in hours, surely not the dr. Grey the old woman was used to see around. Meredith closed her arms across her chest and cleared her throat.

"Have you seen dr. Webber?"

Patricia opened her mouth and then closed it. She looked into the young doctor's eyes and shivered. Nobody had told her about this chance, she had been prepared to kick out journalists and snoops, not to answer dr. Grey, not to lie to dr. Grey. It was evident she didn't know anything about the last developments, she didn't know anything about the time Dunn had asked, she didn't know anything about the catastrophic turn events had taken. Patricia wasn't really the right one to tell her her boyfriend had been badly injured, that the Chief and all the hospital staff were trying their best to save his life.

The secretary took a look around, hoping someone would come in help but anybody was there and dr. Grey was starting to get anxious.

"No, dr. Grey. He left minutes ago with Mr. Falks and I haven't seen anybody after that"

"Oh… I'm gonna find dr. Bailey then"

Meredith turned on her heels but stopped when she found face to face with mrs. Webber.

"Meredith…"

"Mrs. Webber…"

There was something off in the old woman's eyes. She had cried, recently. But it made sense as Meredith knew Adele loved Derek as much as Richard did. She had deceived her too and she felt a stab breaking her heart. If Mrs. Webber was so shocked and looking her in the eyes was so painful… how would feel meeting mrs. Sheperd and hold her stare? It was impossible just to identify the feeling. Meredith knew she had to go and look for her possible mother in law, she owned her that, she owned Derek that, but her brain was refusing to do it, her heart wouldn't survive that agony, it wouldn't survive to see Derek's mother desperate and worried. Adele was already breaking her resistance down just staring at her. Meeting mrs. Shepherd would increase a hundred time the guilt she was feeling, it would make her pulp and what that woman didn't need now for sure was having a pining stupid girlfriend to support and comfort.

Meredith wiped a tear away and cleared her throat.

"I was going to look for dr. Bailey or your husband…"

She tried to walk past her but the woman budged.

"You should wait here, darling"

"Nobody is here… I want to know what's going on"

She outflanked Adele but stopped again sensing a hand gripping her elbow. She turned around and her legs shook when she saw the woman openly crying.

"Stay here, Meredith"

It was not a suggestion anymore, not a request. It was a plea and Meredith froze. She took a look over Adele's shoulder and realized for the first time even Patricia looked on the verge of crying. Again. Her eyes locked with the Chief's wife and she opened her mouth to talk, shaking her head.

"What's going on?"

Mrs. Webber diverted her eyes and Meredith knew something had happened, something the two women didn't want her to know. Her brain reactivated like after a shirt circuit. And everything made sense. Trauma had paged Bailey and the name of Hunt had somewhere entered the conversation between the insisting nurse and Bailey. Nobody was on the floor which meant their attention and effort had been required elsewhere. Something was wrong and Adele wasn't going to tell her.

Meredith forced her arm out of the woman's grip and marched away, faster and faster, ignoring mrs. Webber calling after her. Her heart was pounding in her eardrums and she felt it stop when met a cop midway in the hallway. He was talking excitedly on the phone and what Meredith caught was enough to wish to die right there.

"Dunn killed Fred and Jason and… that guy… I don't think he's gonna make it. I don't know how that bastard could do that"

The police man marched away ignoring her but Meredith let her stare follow him like a lost puppy. His voice was like a magnet she couldn't resist. The man disappeared behind the corner and she focused again. The elevator was right in front of her and she walked towards it. Before she could realize her steps got quicker and she was trotting and then running. She slammed her hand on the button and wiped her eyes, chocking back a sob.

In the complete and surreal silence of that space, her heart was everything she could hear.

She tried to control her breathing and closed her eyes.

They snapped open when she heard familiar voices coming from down the corridor. Her legs brought her to the nearest corner and she turned right in time to catch sight of Webber and Hunt pushing a gurney. Their voices were excited and anguish strangled her throat again while she approached. Luckily they had stopped in front of an elevator and she reached them quickly.

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest when she recognized Derek's face on the stretcher.

"Derek!"

Her shriek lured everybody's attention and Webber moved to stop her. He placed two restraining hands on her shoulders trying to keep her away from the gurney. She fought against his hold but the Chief didn't let go of her.

"Meredith…"

She wasn't hearing anything, she wasn't seeing anything but her boyfriend lying motionless and lifeless. He had to wake up, she wanted him to wake up and let her know he was fine. She yelled again like that could be enough.

"Derek!"

"Meredith…"

"What's wrong with him?"

"Meredith… please"

His voice broke and Meredith looked to him. His face was a mask of worry and suffering and she sucked in a deep breath, tears streaming down her face.

"What's wrong with him?"

Richard couldn't resist to her pleading voice and loosened his grip. His hands were still on her shoulders but the touch was much gentler now, he was messaging her clavicles in a soothing gesture. Their eyes met and Richard couldn't force words out. Meredith took advantage of his confusion and walked around him, reaching the stretcher Derek was lying on.

She started to sob when she realized how pale he was. An intubation cannula was resting in the corner of his mouth and she could see traces of blood appearing from under the gown covering him. Several bags were attached to the sides of the stretcher, one collecting his urine and others providing him fluids and blood.

Blood… there was blood in his urines. And why did he need blood?

His eyes jumped on the attendings and both Teddy and Owen looked to be unable to hold her look.

"What's wrong with him?"

Her voice shook and her lower lip quivered. She felt tears streaking down her face and looked down. Her hands searched Derek's under the sheet and she flinched sensing his temperature. He was cold. His wrist felt strange under her fingertips and she raised the garment, her eyes narrowing in shock seeing the swelling and the bruises covering his arm. She shivered realizing he was naked under the gown. Meredith raised her eyes to look for an explanation, she met Owen's eyes and fat tears fell from her lids.

"Owen…"

"We are bringing him in, Meredith"

"Why?"

Hunt swallowed to answer that question. It shouldn't be difficult, he was a doctor, he was being asked a diagnoses. Why could he not say it?

The elevator saved him opening in that precise moment and Altman pulled the stretcher in.

Before Webber could say anything, Meredith stepped in and stopped behind Derek's head. She started to stroke his hair, shivering sensing it sweaty. His perfect face was still, his perfect eyes were closed and she caressed his face, tasting more sweat. Her fingers moved down his neck and she touched his throat, her fingertips tickling his sternum. When she traced her hand back on his cheeks, she gasped realizing her hands were red in blood. Owen tried to stop her but Meredith's movement was too quick. She raised the gown on Derek's chest and gulped, her mouth opening in shock. Hunt rushed to her side, circling her shoulders and taking her hands off Derek.

"Grey…"

"No… what happened?"

She had started to sob all over again and Owen hugged her tightly. He hadn't meant for her to discover it like this, he hadn't meant for her to see Derek like this. He closed her against his chest sensing her trembling.

"Dunn hurt him… I… I don't know how it happened"

He pulled away and took Meredith's face in his hands. She was crying and Owen's heart skipped a bit.

"Wh…" she closed her eyes and tears rained down her face uncontrollable. She was shaking and Owen didn't know what to do. The elevator was going to reach the floor in seconds and he needed to run into the OR. He couldn't stay with her but he couldn't leave her alone. He sighed and swallowed realizing the only person who could comfort Meredith and be there for her was somewhere in the hospital, probably in deep shock herself.

This whole situation was a mess.

He searched help in Webber but the Chief looked down on the floor, too overwhelmed to say or do anything. Owen needed to handle this situation by himself.

"Meredith… Meredith… look at me"

She sniffled and Owen forced her chin up.

"Look at me… We need to bring Derek in surgery now"

"I want… I want to be there"

"No… you can't be there and you know it"

"I…"

"Meredith" Richard's voice sounded firm and she turned to look at him "Hunt's right. You can't be in that OR"

"Chief…"

Webber braced himself and collected all that remained of his courage, he approached Meredith and leant his hand on her shoulder.

"I know, Meredith. But this surgery is going to be complicated and I can't have you in there"

"I… He…" she closed her eyes and tried to breathe, almost choking. The doors opened and Owen sighed seeing Karev right outside. He paled seeing Meredith in the elevator and her tears stricken face. He took a step into the elevator and circled her shoulders with one arm, the other caressing her shoulder.

"Come with me"

She didn't oppose any resistance and leant her face into the crock of his neck. They stepped out and stopped some meter away. Owen and Teddy took the chance to push the gurney out and proceeded towards the restricted area. Richard stopped to look at Meredith for some second. He opened his mouth but no word came out. Webber sighed and walked away, leaving Alex trying to comfort Meredith.

"Sshh… breathe Mer…"

He was rocking her, patting her back and he felt her tears wetting his scrub top. Her whole body was shaking and Karev didn't know what to do.

He heard footsteps hurrying in his direction and Bailey's out of breath voice reached him.

"Are they already in, Karev?"

She stopped gasping realizing Alex was holding Meredith.

"From one minute"

Miranda brushed Grey's shoulder but Meredith's eyes snapped open. She fought through her sobs and finally caught her breath.

"Were you paged for him?"

Her voice was full of pain and disbelief and Bailey shivered.

"Meredith…"

"Were you paged for him?"

Anger merged from her words and Miranda flinched. Meredith shook her head.

"How could you not tell me? How…"

"I didn't know when I was paged, Meredith"

"You knew three minutes later!" she shrieked choking on every word. Alex hugged her tighter trying to calm her down.

"Mer…"

"No!" she pushed against his chest to free from his grip. Alex tried to resist but then let her go, raising his hands in surrender. "Was he awake before?"

Miranda closed her eyes, the images of the visit room flashing in and out her mind. She nodded sighing.

"For some minute… he was"

Grey started to sob all over again and Alex looked to Bailey.

"Just go… I'll stay here with her"

Miranda couldn't take her eyes off her intern, a battered and desperate woman. Her heart was squeezing and aching and she really couldn't force herself to walk away.

"Dr. Bailey…" Alex's voice sounded categorical and Miranda focused "they're gonna need you in there. Just go… we'll be fine".

Bailey obliged, she walked down the corridor and pushed the door open, leaving Meredith's sobs behind. Karev approached her friend cautiously, he didn't want to bother her but he couldn't just let her there, crying her soul up. He hugged her again, pushing her face against his shoulder. Only in that moment he realized he had no idea what to tell her, he had no idea how to comfort her. This wasn't something he had been prepared for.

Derek was in critical conditions to say it mild, his chances of survival were slim, so slim he wouldn't bet five dollars on it. But he couldn't say it as, he realized, he was in shock himself.

After Webber had paged them and announced the code black and its content, Alex had retired in the department to work. His friends had reunited in one room, waiting for news but he hadn't felt to stay with them. He couldn't just wait. So when Altman had asked him help, he had been almost relieved. They had treated and dismissed a patient in the pit, a remains of the previous day. It had been a slow case, silent, tension lingering in the air with all its heaviness. Altman was usually a chatty person, funny, but knowing Cristina was in danger had shut her mouth too and Alex had sensed all her whispers and sighs. He hadn't said anything as he wasn't that guy, he wasn't the smart man who could cheer anyone up. He had tried to go through the hour and he had succeeded. Till when the door of the room they were working in had bumped open and a cop out of breath had ordered them to follow him, top speed.

And the world had crumbled down.

Seeing Shepherd lying on that floor had been like a punch in the gut, a kick in the gut and Alex had been thankful he had been asked nothing but push a crush cart and a gurney in the room. He had somehow collected himself during the transfer to the visit room but he had lost it again when Hunt had shred Derek's clothes away and, with that, hope it could better than how it looked.

It looked bad and it was worse.

Probably the worst thing Alex had ever seen since when he worked as a doctor.

Everything doubled by the fact Shepherd was, unbelievably and against any chance, conscious for most of the time they had treated him.

Alex hugged Meredith tighter unconsciously and spotted a couple of chairs some step far in the hallway.

He moved in that direction and his friend followed him, probably even not realizing they were moving. He pushed her down sitting and Meredith hid her face in both hands, sobbing inconsolably. Alex knelt in front of her and rubbed her arms soothingly as this was the only thing he could do.

He shivered when he heard someone calling his name.

The voice was broken and Alex closed his eyes before turning his head to lock eyes with a pale and shocked Sloan.

* * *

Owen leant heavily on the sink in front of him, his scrub cap already on his head. He was looking through the window into the OR where nurses and Webber and Bailey were preparing Derek for surgery. He took a deep breath and started to wash his hands vigorously, much more than necessary. Teddy was right beside him, silent, her eyes on the soap she was using.

"What do you plan to do?" inquired Owen.

"I don't know"

Hunt shook his head, he hadn't expected this answer. Usually Teddy knew what to do, she had plans, she had paths to follow, the fact she was admitting so clearly she hadn't made everything worse. It made everything as bad as it was, shredding the trace of hope they all had pretended to feel.

"Teddy…"

"You saw that CT, Owen. I really can't get how his heart is still beating"

"As he didn't give up and we shouldn't either"

"I'm not giving up. But this doesn't make sure he won't. There are too many damages…"

"We should deal with them one at a time"

"It's what I plan to do. But if you ask me if I think it will be enough…." She shook her head sighing "I don't know" she raised her hands in front of her face and marched into the OR. The nurse immediately approached and dressed them with their gowns. Altman approached the table and flinched seeing the deep, ugly cut running on Derek's forearm. He was lying on his back, his eyes closed, his arms splayed on the table, wide open. The paleness of his skin made his injuries shine and Teddy swallowed, locking eyes with the Chief.

"It's better we get started"

She checked the monitors for the last time, Shepherd's stats were weak and she was about to crack his chest open. The mere thought made her close her eyes. She couldn't feel like that, she couldn't think like that. She had to forget who she was cutting into, she needed to forget about everything but the surgery she had to perform. It was a full load already. The nurses hadn't prepared the OR and table like they used to do, they had left Derek's face visible from the operating field and Teddy needed to change that. She took a blue curtain and fixed it to the two sides of the table, creating a wall from the place she was standing and the patient's face. She didn't comment her gesture and need, even if she saw Bailey looking strangely at her. This was her procedure, she had to perform a rough surgery and she needed to manage things in her own way.

"I'm ready"

"Fine… let's go"

Owen tapped the procedure clock and time started to run on the screen.

Usually Teddy said something before starting a procedure, she had a trademark motto herself. It wasn't as popular as Derek's "it's a beautiful day to save lives", but it was a habit and Hunt missed it. He approached her while she was checking for the surgical tools for the last time.

"You are not saying anything…"

Teddy looked to him and Hunt saw her taking a deep breath. She stretched her hand towards the nurse.

"Scalpel, please…"

The metallic knife landed on her palm and she pressed the tip on Shepherd's chest, dried blood had been cleaned away but his midline was dangerously close to one of the stab wounds. Altman applied strength and cut through Derek's pectorals. She gave the scalpel back to the assistant and cleared her throat.

"Sternal saw, please"

She tried the little tool in the air, the buzzing sending shivers down the presents spines, and then started to incise. Shepherd's sternum gave in and she cursed under her breath, not stopping her actions. She put the drill down and picked up a retractor, forcing Derek's chest open.

Her eyes narrowed seeing blood gushing out every time his heart beated.

"Damn it…"

"What is it?"

Richard was guarding her like a hawk and this was unnerving her.

"There's a wide hemorrhage from the vena cava…" she sank her hand into Derek's cavity, trying to appraise with her fingers the situation "and the right atrium is damaged"

"It's what we saw from the CT"

"I know. But the CT didn't show all this blood and didn't show his pericardium is torn apart too" she breathed out looking up "Suction, please"

Bailey set a tube into the opening and started to suck. A clear, red blood was swallowed up and Teddy shook her head.

"More, please… I can't see anything"

Her fingers were producing sloppy sounds and she was trying to get a better visualization.

"Ok… I need to enlarge the opening… cut the whole sternum"

"You've already opened him till the fourth rib…"

"And now I need to open till the end"

Teddy hated to snap like this against Bailey but she needed to focus. She took the scalpel and cut more of Shepherd's skin. In a complete and unreal silence she activated the saw again and arrived till the end of the breastbone. She took the lever of the retractor and made other rotations, stopping only when Derek's heart and lungs were let to her display.

"I'm gonna try to repair the damages now" she looked up and locked eyes with Owen "what do you plan to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm taking care of his heart and lungs but you need to do something to stop the other bleeds"

"I thought you said it was too much to deal with all together"

"I think it is. But this repair is going to take hours and I don't think you can wait so long"

"So what do you suggest?"

"I'm gonna start from the vena cava repairing… if it holds, you can open him up"

"Ok… you want me to help you?"

"Thank you…"

Owen rounded the table and stood in front of Teddy.

Looking down into Derek's cavity he realized what she had meant saying it would take hours.

He was not a cardio thoracic surgeon, but the situation was so crystal clear it didn't take one.

He sighed and nodded quietly, sending a furtive glance to Richard and Bailey. They looked paralyzed, like interns during their first day of work, like they didn't know why and how in hell they had ended up there.

"I think you should page Torres and take care of his hand"

Bailey glanced to him like he had gone crazy.

"What?"

"His wrist is broken. Somebody should take care of it"

Bailey took several deep breaths before speaking in a voice which didn't look like hers.

"His chest is cracked open. His heart is literally breaking in two. His lungs are punctured and you want me to take care of his hand?"

"Yes… as if he's going to survive this, I don't want to be the one to explain him he lost his hand as we didn't take care of a fracture. So yes… you should page Torres and let her take care of it. You should sew that cut and his thigh too"

Bailey was looking at him with watery eyes and Owen was expecting a sharp answer. But Webber came out of his trance and patted her shoulder.

"He's right, Miranda. Go page Torres, I'll take care of the sutures, ok?"

She nodded silently and went searching for her pager. Richard put gloves on and prepared a suture kit. An intense look was enough to make a nurse walk away, he didn't want anybody to see Derek's most intimate parts naked. He raised the gown minimally, swallowing looking at the wound.

The cut went deep through Derek's quadriceps, midway from his hip and knee. Richard pulled the gauzes out and blood started to pour out again. He sighed and Owen looked down to him.

"What's wrong?"

"He may have punctured a vessel…"

Webber had moved a light and was trying to get a better visualization.

"Give me a clamp, please"

He worked for some second and then snorted, gaining Hunt's attention again.

"Chief…"

"It's fine. I found it and I'm trying to repair"

Owen saw Richard's hand go deep into Derek's flesh and his stomach churned. He hadn't even stopped to treat that wound before as it was marginal in compare to all the rest. He just hoped Shepherd's sensitivity had already gone when Dunn had done that.

In that moment, standing near the table assisting and not operating, his brain drifted elsewhere, trying to figure out what had happened in that room.

Had Derek or Cristina done or said something wrong? Had they tried a reaction? It didn't make sense. Dunn had promised to come out and surrender, there was no reason to take risks. Unless the surrender hadn't been a farce and William had attacked Shepherd right after the phone call he had entertained with Webber. But why? The more he thought about it the least he found a sense.

But was there a sense after all? Everything Dunn had done in his life was senseless and gratuitous. His purpose had been to hurt Derek from the very beginning and he had accomplished his plan, with sadist and cold efficiency. Only the people in that room could clear what had happened but Owen felt something for sure. Dunn wouldn't. He had never talked of his crimes, he had never described them. He wouldn't do that even this time. So the chances were narrowed to two people: the one lying on the table and Cristina. How was she? The short encounter they had experienced in the corridor had been erased from his head as soon as he had laid his eyes on the mess on the floor. Was she present? Had William shot Derek before or after hitting him repeatedly? Where was Cristina in the while? She was tied up and gagged. Had William forced her to look at him while he was massacring Derek? Why hadn't the cops heard anything… no gunshot, no screams… anything? He sighed and shook his head, all these questions were driving him crazy and Teddy realized from his breathing and attitude he was somewhere else.

"Owen…"

"Yeah…"

"I need you to stay here with me"

"I am here"

"No, you're not"

She raised her eyes briefly from the table and looked to him. His eyes were moist and she cleared her throat.

"Cristina is fine"

"I don't know if she is…"

Richard looked up from the table himself and looked to the trauma surgeon. His voice had sounded lost and desperate and Webber slapped himself mentally. Hunt had been totally absorbed in Derek's triage and had almost forgotten about his own girlfriend. But he had not. Right after leaving the room, Dunn's laughter sending chills down his body, he had reached the department where two cops had led and escorted dr. Yang. Physically, she was fine. But she hadn't said a word. Torres had helped her into a bed and, from what he knew, she had sedated her. Something he had completely forgotten to tell Hunt.

"Torres took care of her, Hunt. She's in shock but she's fine. She's resting guarded downstairs"

Resting… in shock… All these information were dancing in Hunt's brain making him sick. His hand shook holding the sucker and Teddy looked to him.

"It's better you put that down, Owen"

"I'm fine"

He tried to collect himself but the tremors didn't go away and Teddy sent him a cold and strict look.

"Dr. Mayfield… please take dr. Hunt's place"

"I'm fine, Teddy" he snapped back.

"You're not!" she yelled back. "You're shaking like a leaf and you're two inches from his ventricle. So no… you're not fine. I've already too many problems to risk you damage something else. Put that damned sucker down and pull yourself together"

Dr. Mayfield gripped the instrument gently and Owen backed off, taking deep breaths.

"Go everywhere you want, punch someone, yell… do whatever you want but I want you back functioning, Owen. I need you. Just go now"

Hunt stormed out of the room, he opened the door leading to the corridor violently and paced in the little space like a lion in the cage. He had let his feelings take the lead of the situation and Teddy was right, he was useless like that. Ruminating on what had happened or assuming what had happened in that room was an empty exercise. There was way to know. He would know later. Now all he needed to do was trying to save the guy who had saved his girlfriend.

* * *

"Karev… what's going on?"

Alex swallowed seeing Sloan towering him. His eyes were blood shot and Karev didn't have in him the strength to inform someone else about Derek. But Mark wasn't willing to leave without knowing. His eyes continued moving from Meredith to Alex and Karev felt trapped.

The sensation of powerlessness became almost panic when someone else talked from behind him.

"Karev…"

Addison. And Shepherd's mother. And a woman who really looked like Shepherd were looking to him and Meredith with wide, concerned eyes. There was no way out from here and Alex sighed. He opened his mouth to talk but shook his head. Mrs. Shepherd was an old woman, he couldn't deliver her that news like that. He sent her a quick look and Mark got his feeling.

"Addi… just stay here with her for a moment"

Karev nodded grateful and stood, walking away with Mark. The plastic surgeon gripped his elbow right behind a corner and pulled forcefully, making Alex turning on his heels.

"What the hell is going on? Why is she crying?"

"I…" the resident cleared his throat but just a weak sound came out. Sloan's pupils were nailing him to the wall and he looked down to his feet. "Derek is in surgery"

He was waiting for an outburst, a shocked reaction, anything… instead silence fell in the corridor. Alex looked up, almost ready to be punched, only to find Sloan with both hands joined in front of his mouth, like he was praying. His eyes were prickling and all his features were trembling, unable to utter a single word.

"Dunn attacked him… I… it's pretty bad"

Mark started to pace, raking a hand in his hair, tears forming in his eyes.

"How did it happen?"

"I don't know… we don't know… The cops were waiting for him to come out. But Cristina did come out and Hunt found Derek…"

"Where?"

"Look… I don't know, ok? I was paged after. All that I can tell you is that the situation is complicated"

Mark shook his head, tears streaming down his face. He sniffled and closed his eyes for a moment.

"How did he hurt him?"

Alex's lips stretched in a thin line. Things were going too far here, he wasn't the person to give these information, he wasn't the person to talk about this.

"Sloan… I really don't think I should tell you anything"

"Excuse me?"

Mark's eyes shone in anger as he took a menacing step towards Alex. He raised his index pointing it against the resident's chest.

"How do you dare to tell me this? Derek is my best friend. His mother is here and we need to know what's going on with him!"

"And I told you what I could tell you… don't ask me else…"

Karev walked away, going back to the women waiting in the main hallway. Other people had arrived but they had kept the distance from Shepherd's family. Addison stood as soon as she saw Alex approaching. Their eyes locked for a moment but Alex didn't stop in front of her, he continued his path and reached mrs. Shepherd, swallowing to get his voice out.

"Derek is in surgery right now"

All women paled but Alex went on, his voice cautious and gentle.

"His conditions are critical … but everybody is doing everything. We just have to sit and wait"

He brushed mrs. Sheperd's shoulder and knelt in front of Meredith, rubbing her knees gently. Meredith raised her head and looked to him, wiping tears away.

"Go in that Or, Alex"

"I should stay here with you, Mer"

"No… no…. just go in there… please…"

Alex looked up and met Addison's eyes. She was crying too but she nodded. He took in a deep breath. It was not just the thought of leaving Meredith which upset him, it was also the not enthusiasm to be in that OR. The show he had seen in the visit room had been enough for him and the procedure was going to be a hundred times worse.

He was going to see the real extension of Shepherd's injuries and he wasn't sure he wanted. As appraising the real gravity of the situation implied to wonder what the hell had happened, how Dunn had made all of that, if and till when Derek had been conscious. He wasn't sure he could know all of that and face Meredith later. His instinct was suggesting him to stay out of that OR but his friend was asking him to go.

Finally he nodded and stood, breathing out before heading to the restricted area.

* * *

Callie was standing outside Cristina's room, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

The blinds were down but she could distinguish her figure curled out in the bed, eyes open.

Torres was in the department when a cop arrived leading Yang like a lost kid. She was covered in blood, not her blood; it couldn't be hers as she was standing and walking. Her eyes were blank and empty and she hadn't even realized Callie was there despite her colleague had tried to create a contact.

So Torres had stopped trying. She had led Cristina into that room, raised the covers and helped her in without even suggesting her to change her bloody scrubs. Yang had curled into a ball on one side and all kind of interaction had stopped there.

The police man had whispered the ortho surgeon what had happened, what they had found once Dunn had unlocked the door and Callie had immediately understood everything: Cristina's state and the reason Owen wasn't there. She had asked the cop to guard the door and she had stepped inside again.

She had taken the sit near the bed, her eyes perfectly in line with Cristina's. She had told her reassuring words but they had fallen in the air.

Cristina hadn't budged.

She hadn't spoken.

She had produced no sound or groan or moan.

She hadn't reacted when Torres had mentioned Derek or Meredith or the fact her mother was arriving soon.

It was like she was somewhere else… where… impossible to know.

Callie had finally arrived to the conclusion she needed some time alone.

She knew Cristina, they weren't friends but they had shared the same apartment for some month. Perfect strangers under the same roof. It was probably the reason they had chosen each other. They weren't looking for friends, they weren't looking for confidences, just someone to share the expenses.

Now the strong, iron woman Torres had grown to know in five years had crumbled into pieces and it was not her place to try to startle her.

She had stood, mumbled something about being right outside the door and walked away.

Yang's position hadn't changed since then, she hadn't blinked once and Callie was feeling bad despite her decision to give her space.

"Callie!"

Arizona's disturbed voice reached her ear and Torres looked around, spotting her trotting towards her. Robbins stopped and touched her arm, soothingly.

"I've just heard… how is she?"

"Take a look yourself" her faces drifted towards the shaded glass and she sighed, shaking her head. "She is not talking, she is not answering, she is not doing anything but breathing"

"Have you already asked a psychological support?"

"No… she has just gone through hell, a shrink forcing her to open up is the last thing she needs" Callie looked to her, her eyes sad and full of concern "Have you seen Mark?"

"No… I thought he was here"

"He was… then the cops asked him to reach the basement to join Shepherd's mother and Addison" Callie stroked her eyes tiredly and Arizona got her concern.

"Did someone tell him?"

"I don't know… and I… I don't know if I want to"

"Calliope…"

"He loves Derek. With all the crap they had thrown on each other they're still friends… he wouldn't survive to lose him"

"Why don't you go and look for him?"

"I promised Webber I would stay here… she might need me… and her mother is going to arrive soon…"

"Maybe she has already arrived…"

Callie's eyes jumped up, she frowned realizing the woman was looking behind her and turned around, swallowing. Mrs. Yang was really in the corridor, looking around confused and disoriented.

"Crap…" Torres breathed in to collect herself and marched towards the woman "Mrs. Yang…" Cristina's mother looked to her confused. It was stupid believing she would recognize her after three years. Their only encounter had been on Cristina's supposed wedding day, Callie was made up and gorgeous that day, something really distant from the disheveled woman she was now "I'm dr. Torres"

"Where's my daughter?"

The simplicity of the question hit Callie and she was happy she was the one to deliver good news.

"She's in that room"

The woman looked into the room and made some step to enter it but Callie gripped her hand.

"Wait…"

"I want to see her"

"I know. And you'll go in there right now. But it's better I tell you she's in shock and she hasn't uttered one single word from the moment she was released"

"Is she hurt?"

"No… she's fine. But…"

"What?"

Callie took in a deep breath and cleared her throat, trying to calm down.

"Our colleague… the doctor who was hostage with her… is hurt… badly. I think that's the reason why Cristina has closed in herself. We… I tried to talk to her but I decided to wait. I put her to bed so how she stepped out of that room"

"What does it mean?"

"It means her appearance is not good. But she's fine"

Her pager beeped and looked to it, her eyes narrowing recognizing the id caller.

"Dr. Robbins is here if you need anything"

She eyed Arizona and the surgeon came closer, surprised Callie had involved her in the conversation.

"I need to go now. Bailey is paging me… I'll see you later"

She trotted away and disappeared behind the corner. Mrs. Yang looked sighing in the room and then pushed the door open. Robbins saw her approaching the bed quietly, sitting in front of her daughter's bed. She stretched her hand and started to caress Cristina's hair.

Callie was flying through the corridors, running like she had someone chasing her.

Bailey had paged her and Bailey was on Shepherd.

They needed her help and she was eating the distance separating her from the OR.

She took the internal way, deciding not to pass through public corridors where she could meet people and arrived on the floor through the emergency stairs. She bumped the door open and spotted the door leading to the scrub room. She marched quickly towards it but stopped hearing loud noises coming from the supply closet at the beginning of the hallway. It looked like someone was destroying everything inside the room, Callie heard clearly the sound of a shelf being knocked over and decided to take a look. Her mouth fell agape when she saw Hunt inside, busy in hitting everything he was finding on his way.

"Hunt…"

She approached him cautiously but Owen kept kicking the supplies lying on the floor, ignoring her. She got closer and touched his shoulder, gripping it energetically.

"Just stop!"

This time he turned around, her voice had sounded commending and loud in the room. He took his head in both hands and started to pace in the room.

"What do you want?"

"Bailey paged me… I was going into the OR and I heard that. What the hell are you doing?"

"I… I don't know"

Callie had built a very defined and strong opinion of Hunt in the months they had worked together. She knew he was a good guy and she had always assumed he was a hardass. In that room he was breaking down and she didn't know how to handle with it.

"I know it's a testing situation, Owen. But I'm sure they need you in there and…"

"Teddy kicked me out"

He raised his eyes and then looked away. But it was enough for Callie to detect sorrow, regret and a little bit of shame. He swallowed and went on. "I lost it in the OR… I started to think and I lost it. And she kicked me out as I couldn't hold a sucker without trembling like a pathetic nanny"

Torres took in a deep breath. Things had to be really bad if Owen Hunt, a man trained to see almost everything, who had seen almost everything, had melted down under this pressure. She hoped she wouldn't do the same. She needed to believe she wouldn't.

"I'm scared too, Hunt. Bailey paged me and I don't know what to expect… I expect the worse and I'm scared…"

He looked up, closing his eyes for a second.

"Please… go back with me"

He took in a deep breath and nodded, marching out of the room climbing over broken glass and overturned supplies. Callie followed him in the corridor and then in the scrub room. They washed in silence, concentrated on the images and sounds coming from the OR. Altman was working on Derek's chest, Webber's was doing something near his legs and Bailey was stroking his arm.

Torres looked to Hunt, now she was there she didn't know if she really could make it. He nodded to her and they both stepped in. Callie cleared her throat.

"Did you page?"

"Yes…" Miranda's hollow voice captured her attention and Torres shivered seeing more hollowness in her glance "he has a fracture to the right wrist… You should take a look"

She could do that… could she?

She took in a deep breath and felt a coward, not asking anything, not looking anywhere but to Derek's hand. It was battered and swollen and she rolled it in her fingers cautiously, touching and trying to sense if tendons were still at the right place.

"I should run an X-ray…"

She turned around and approached the corner the portable machine was usually stored. She took it and went back to the table. There was a garment covering Derek's forearm and she raised it to his elbow, sucking in a deep breath when her eyes settled on a recently sewed cut occupying the half of his radius. She shook her head quickly to push thoughts away. Hunt was the damned right about this… it was impossible not to think of what had happened and it was impossible working while doing it.

She adjusted Derek's wrist gently and proceeded in taking the scan. The image came out almost immediately and she brought it to the light, raising it above her head.

The fracture was clean but complete. Shepherd's hand was disconnected from his arm. Only tendons and muscles and ligaments were keeping them close, which meant they were strained. Callie had tried to close everything out but she wasn't blind. She had clearly detected round bruises around the joint, like Derek's hand had been tied up. She was feeling sick and this was just his hand.

"Torres…"

Webber pulled her out of her daydreaming.

"Yeah… sorry. There's a complete fracture of the wrist bones and I should expose tissues to check if the lesion has affected them too"

"Opening him up?"

Richard looked to her and Callie flinched. She was sure the chief was not doubting her medical suggestion, he wasn't happy at the thought of cutting Derek.

"I would recommend it, sir"

"Another surgery is out of debate here now… even if it's just his hand"

Teddy's authoritative voice echoed in the room and Callie looked to her.

"It's not invasive"

"It would be in his conditions. We are flowing him with blood as he's losing anyway more than we're giving. Every drop would be a waste now…"

"It's Shepherd's hand…" Callie tried to argue but Altman froze her with one look.

"No… it's Shepherd's life. We'll stick to original plans. If I can repair the vena cava… if he survives my repair… we'll open him up. Can't you do anything without cutting?"

"I could… I could immobilize the wrist and try with traction… but it would be a blind treatment"

"Go with it"

End of the topic. Torres sighed, she felt frustrated and useless but it wasn't out of personal ego. Altman was right. If Derek's stats were so compromised a small incision to his hand could send everything downhill, she had no right to argue again. She approached Derek's hand and looked at it again.

"Ice, please"

She didn't divert her eyes from the broken limb and after some seconds a basin appeared on the table. She took some cubes and put them on a gauze, trying to flatten them and then proceeded to band the hand. Handling Derek's fingers she realized they were cold. Only she didn't know if they were cold for the fracture and a possible damaged blood circulation or for the general situation. She stroked her gloved thumb on Derek's palm and noticed a little contraction. She did the same with his fingertips and the fingers flexed. She breathed out and set Shepherd's hand down.

"For the moment it's all…"

"Good" Richard cut the sewing yarn and breathed out looking down to the wound he had just closed.

"So I go… I go… if you don't need me"

Callie breathed out and walked towards the exit. She stopped sensing a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"Wait Torres…"

Richard's voice was low and full of worry.

"Chief…"

"Come with me. A need another consult from you"

He walked out of the OR and Callie followed him. He held the door to the corridor open for her and headed to a view room. He cleared his throat and lowered the mask on his neck.

"I'm gonna show you Derek's scans and…. I don't think what I might say can prepare you so… just tell me what you think about his back"

He stopped on the doorframe and Torres went in.

She had to swallow bile down processing the images flashing from the scans.

What she was looking at was not Derek's back… it was actually his whole body and she couldn't see anything not compromised. Now she got why Hunt had been so annihilated, why Altman had been so categorical on excluding not strictly necessary procedures. Everything was failing and the surgery could go on for hours… a lapse of time where it was easy to freeze thinking how and why Derek had been reduced to a bleeding pulp.

She tried to slow down her breath and heart and her eyes focused on the matter Webber had decided to consult her. She approached the scan, frowning.

It was a lateral image of Derek's spine. Lumbar vertebras. L2, L3, L4 and L5.

There was something awfully close to them. So close Callie's didn't get if it was not stuck right inside. Her eyes moved to the following scan and she sucked in a deep breath. There were fractures to the false ribs and ribs 9 and 10 for sure. Her attention went back to the previous one.

"Is that…"

She couldn't finish the sentence but Webber got it anyway.

"It could…"

Callie brought a hand to her throat, rubbing her neck. Her throat was closing up but she needed to be professional.

"I should run a test on his legs and see if there is sensitivity"

"There's none"

Torres' recoiled in shock and her arms dropped down her sides. She opened her mouth to speak but stammered on her own words.

"Well… I … I should run it anyway, chief. Maybe the anesthesia to sew his thigh numbed nerves…"

"It didn't"

There was something definitive in his voice and Callie shivered. She sensed the Chief was keeping something from her, something which made absolutely sure what he was saying despite him not being a neuro or ortho surgeon.

"Ok…"

"Please, go through those scans and tell me if there's a possible reason we missed. We printed the most urgent… you can go down to the CT and ask for more if you need it"

He walked away and Callie was left in there by herself, her head spinning wildly.

In that moment she realized she wanted to be everywhere but in there OR.

* * *

So... nothing happened in this chapter but it was really tough.

I decided to go through Derek's colleagues' emotions and, doing that, we went through his injuries too.

Meredith got to know, Derek's family got to know, Cristina's mother arrived.

I just scratched the surface there... I'll do better next chapter.

I wanted doubt and astonishment merging forcefully here and I hope I did it.

I wanted to let you feel how great surgeons got crushed by the events, by what they know and, above all, what they don't know.

William will come back in my fic too, I don't know if already in next chapter or the following.

It depends in how good I am in describing Shepherd's surgery (and I may not be too good. Someone help me!).

Read and review, you don't know how much energetic is to get one, even if one line or two. If you're up for more... GREAT!


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